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Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Modes

Sep 25, 2025

Overview

This lecture explains the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode model, which categorizes how individuals handle conflict based on assertiveness and cooperativeness, highlighting five main approaches.

Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Modes

  • The model uses two axes: assertiveness (focus on own needs) and cooperativeness (focus on other's needs).
  • Five typical conflict approaches: Competing, Avoiding, Accommodating, Compromising, and Collaborating.

The Five Conflict Approaches

  • Competing: Assertive and uncooperative; prioritizes own needs, resulting in a win-lose outcome.
  • Avoiding: Neither assertive nor cooperative; sidesteps conflict, leading to a lose-lose situation.
  • Accommodating: Unassertive but cooperative; sacrifices own needs for others, resulting in a lose-win outcome.
  • Compromising: Moderately assertive and cooperative; both sides partially achieve goals but may not be fully satisfied.
  • Collaborating: Highly assertive and cooperative; seeks solutions where both parties fully meet their needs for a win-win outcome.

Application Example: The Chefs and the Lemon

  • Competing: One chef gets the lemon, the other loses; win-lose.
  • Avoiding: Both chefs walk away, and neither gets the lemon; lose-lose.
  • Accommodating: One chef gives up entirely, the other benefits; lose-win.
  • Compromising: Lemon is split, both get a portion but neither is fully satisfied; partial win.
  • Collaborating: Chefs realize one needs zest and the other juice, both get what they need; win-win.

Key Terms & Definitions

  • Assertiveness — Focusing on satisfying your own needs in a conflict.
  • Cooperativeness — Focusing on satisfying the other person’s needs.
  • Competing — Conflict mode prioritizing self over others; win-lose.
  • Avoiding — Conflict mode with no engagement; lose-lose.
  • Accommodating — Conflict mode prioritizing others’ needs; lose-win.
  • Compromising — Conflict mode seeking partial satisfaction for both sides.
  • Collaborating — Conflict mode seeking full satisfaction for both sides; win-win.

Action Items / Next Steps

  • Review the five conflict modes and consider which you tend to use.
  • Reflect on past conflicts and identify which approaches you or others demonstrated.