Transcript for:
Insights on Mel Robbins' Let Them Theory

i just heard about this thing called the let them theory I freaking love this I'm allowing so many people and so much stuff that's been beneath me and that is not my job to manage The next time you feel left out your friends all go out to brunch together and they don't invite you let them Do we need to finally cancel Mel Robbins for stealing other people's ideas This includes her attempt to trademark the words My name is Cassie Phelps Several years ago a lot of people started hearing the words "Let them." You know all I wanted to do was a simple book review of of a wildly popular self-help book from a Christian perspective That's it That's all I wanted to do I just wanted to grab a cup of tea maybe snuggle with my cat give it a read put together a short summary maybe give some very okay insights and commentary but no it's just never that simple Mel Robbins is a motivational speaker author and former lawyer best known for her 5-second rule which she taught in a TED talk that she gave in 2011 that went absolutely viral Since then she has grown into a self-help phenomenon I'd be very surprised if she hasn't showed up on your algorithm on social media in some way I first discovered Mel a few years ago when the YouTube algorithm recommended one of her videos about anxiety because full disclosure I've shared a little bit about this before but I struggle with anxiety though not chronically but whatever video I saw that day caught my eye and she has been on my radar ever since Now I wanted to read her latest book Sorry there's a lot there's a lot of books right here You can't see it Uh the let them Theory and I wanted to give a Christian perspective on it I'm going to share with you what I agree with and disagree with with this book However I I'm learning that it's it's just never that simple Much like my Napoleon Hill deep dive it seems I have stumbled upon a controversy with this book that I was not looking for This video by no means is going to be a deep dive into Mel Robbins but a simple Christian perspective and review of her book And I always want to be as fair and thorough as I can So even though in my mind I always hope that videos like this will be like 20 minutes but I highly doubt that's going to be the case because look it takes many many hours of reading notetaking and prep to put a video like this together So I just want to give you guys the best information that I can on this Now a little caveat before we get started because I think it's important to keep in mind that Mel Robbins does not claim to be a Christian nor is this a Christian book Now that might sound obvious to some of you but you'd be very surprised how angry some people get when when the world doesn't look and act Christian This is a Christian perspective on a secular book She's not a believer So the standard in which I'm holding Mel Robbins to isn't one that I would hold to another believer This is sprinkled throughout scripture about how to judge properly It's like somebody who's not a Christian going to my church and being upset that we're talking about God or a non-vegan being upset when they use a vegan cookbook and they find there's no meat recipes Now with that being said there are three main reasons why I would review a book like this Number one while this book is not written from a Christian perspective I do think it's perfectly reasonable and hopefully valuable for me to share my thoughts both as a Christian and as a person simply engaging with the material I genuinely like Mel Robbins and was curious to approach it both objectively and from a personal perspective especially as someone who might offer a different take on the current top selling self-help book in America I think this is especially true if if Christian concepts spiritual language scriptures are brought into the conversation Uh because I think that's fair for me as someone familiar with Christian theology to offer my perspective Mel's spiritual position is that she is spiritual whatever that means Typically means that she's drawing selectively from various worldviews picking and choosing elements that resonate with her personally I know that her husband I believe that he's a practicing Buddhist or at least he resonates with Buddhism Number two from a practical level I think it's very worthwhile to reflect on how the ideas in certain self-help books agree with or differ from a Christian understanding of human nature and what actual lasting change looks like And third and most importantly I know Christians are reading books like this Self-help books are incredibly popular and I know that many Christians read them But more often than not these books assume a more secular or vaguely spiritual audience I think offering my perspective helps fill in that gap I would hope so anyway of asking whether these ideas are helpful or compatible for someone who holds a Christian worldview So with that in mind let's get down to business Let me introduce you to what this book is about and its main premise Okay I'm going to make this really easy for you I'm going to summarize this entire book in one simple sentence How to stop being a passive aggressive enabling peopleleasing control freak and develop some healthy boundaries and a higher emotional IQ You're welcome That is to me the core premise of this entire book and the purpose of this let them theory It reminded me of a lot of the concepts that I read a long time ago in the book boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend Lots of Christians have that book So that's the book in a sentence But let me expand on this So Mel Robbins has written about what she calls the let them theory which is the idea that we should stop trying to control others and instead focus on ourselves and our actions Here look This is what it says on page 18 about what this is The let them theory is about freedom Two simple words let them will free you from the burden of trying to manage other people When you stop obsessing over what other people think say or do you finally have the energy to focus on your life You stop reacting and start living Instead of driving yourself crazy trying to manage or please other people you'll learn to let them So what does this look like Imagine you're at work and your colleague is in a bad mood Instead of letting their negativity affect you just say "Let them let them be grumpy It's not your problem Focus on your work and how you feel." I mean it's not the craziest advice you guys Or maybe your dad makes another comment about your life choices and it hits you like a brick Instead of letting it ruin your day just say "Let him let him have his own opinions." They don't change who you are or what you've accomplished or your right to make decisions that make you happy The truth is other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them Here's why this works When you stop trying to control things that aren't yours to control you stop wasting your energy You reclaim your time your peace of mind and your focus You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions not someone else's behavior opinions or mood It sounds simple and it is I'm telling you this shift will change everything And even though it's called Let Them this book is about you your time and your energy because these are the most precious resources you have Now throughout the book she's very clear that this has changed her entire life and it will change yours too She ends this section with this But perhaps the most surprising thing about the let them theory is how I discovered it in the first place I'm almost embarrassed to tell you the story I discovered something that changed my entire approach to life at a high school prom This all started in May of 2023 Yes When you posted on Tik Tok about the let them theory a video that went uber uber viral Yes Oakley was at his prom and I was your typical psycho micromanaging mother I'm starting to feel that wave of panic hit as I'm trying to find a reservation and we're trying to get 20 kids to not run out into a rainstorm and just destroy their hair and their dresses and their shoes My daughter sees it coming and she reaches out and grabs my arm and yanks me to her and she like grits her teeth and she's like "Mom you're being annoying If they want to go to the taco stand let them If they want to be on the pony let them If he's going to ruin her shoes let them And she started saying this cascade of "Let her ruin her hair Let the mud get underdress Let them do what they want to do." And she kind of ended it with "Mom it's their prom not yours Let them." And that final let them was like a sledgehammer And all of a sudden my shoulders just dropped And I thought let them She also has a counterbalance to this called let me So let them means you stop trying to control what somebody else is doing When you say let me the idea is that you take responsibility for how you respond to it Okay So that's what the book is about and how she claims she got the idea But I'm going to start with a chapter synopsis of what this book is about I would normally go chapter by chapter and summarize it but but you guys there there are 20 chapters That's um that's a lot But what she does is she takes one topic and then breaks it up into two shorter chapters sometimes three This is actually very helpful and the organization freak inside of me loves this So I think what I'm going to do is stay in that format for the summary because it's honestly it's always so hard to summarize books but I'm going to do my best I think it's fair to give you guys a chapter synopsis So she divides the book into two main parts The first part explains who she is what the let them theory is and how the theory works in relation to you as a person The second part takes everything that you learn in the first and applies it to you and other people like your relationships Throughout the whole book she tells a lot about personal stories of her experiences in life as well And as much as I want to give my personal thoughts on each and every chapter I have found that it's probably best if I wait until after the actual summary of the book and then give my thoughts Okay so this first section is about just understanding what this theory is Chapter one is called Stop Wasting Your Life on Things You Can't Control And chapter 2 is getting started with what she calls the let them plus let me So this is where she basically covers everything that I just said before about what the theory is and how she heard about it She also says that this isn't like a mindset hack that it's rooted in ancient philosophies and psychological concepts She's saying that this idea is an old idea Now the second section is about managing stress Chapter three is called shocker life is stressful And chapter four is called let them stress you out Now here she's talking about how stress is just a part of life but it gets worse when we try to control others She talks about how this need for control creates burnout and frustration and talks a lot about anxiety in this chapter as well and how she has always struggled with it The takeaway is basically that stress isn't going anywhere but your mindset toward it can change everything She then focuses on work related stress and how we can make it worse by obsessing over co-workers bosses or situations again that we can't change or control She does talk a lot about taking responsibility and owning your own emotional response to other people The third section is about fearing other people's opinions I'm sure we can all relate to that one Chapter five is called let them think bad thoughts about you And chapter six is called how to love difficult people Basically I'm sure you guys can tell what these chapters would be about just by their titles but basically this section is about the fear of judgment and to let people think what they want because trying to manage other people's opinions is a neverending trap This is where the concept of people pleasing is really focused on and how to stop chasing approval from people Then she talks about how to deal with difficult people Perhaps people that have issues with emotional boundaries Maybe they're triggered easily Uh maybe they don't assess situations through a lens of reality but through emotion and pain And she talks about how to maintain healthy boundaries and emotional distance while at the same time being kind and respectful It's not about cutting everybody off It's about protecting your peace while not being a jerk about it The fourth section let me double check this one Hold on The fourth section Oh yeah I did Okay Yes The fourth section is dealing with someone else's emotional reactions This has two chapters Chapter seven is called when grown-ups throw temper tantrums And chapter 8 is called the right decision often feels wrong So here she dives into how to deal with adults who act immature or dramatic She says it's not our job to fix or manage their emotions Instead we should focus on staying calm and not letting their behavior hijack our day Easier said than done though am I right She shows how you can use the let them theory to help you not have other highly sensitive passive aggressive people influence your decisions like through manipulation Now on top of that here she kind of calls out the people who might actually fit that behavior who are the highly sensitive critical ones who tend to be passive aggressive and manipulative She kind of calls them out here in this chapter and says you might be part of the problem like if you are this person She's trying to connect with them and explain how emotions don't always reflect reality and how making the right choice can feel uncomfortable especially when others don't approve You got to do what's true for you though Now there's a little bit more to this but I'll say more about this section later on in my commentary The fifth section is overcoming chronic comparison Chapter nine is called "Yes life isn't fair." And chapter 10 is called How to Make Comparison Your Teacher Here she talks about how unfair life can be and how we can actually make it worse by comparing ourselves to others She puts comparison as two different types What she calls torture or teacher Torture is obviously the bad kind where we look at what somebody else is doing their success and we sort of spiral over it We get jealous We then compare ourselves in a negative way and then there's the comparison that can be like a teacher where you're looking at it in a healthy way of what somebody else is doing and thinking hm what can I learn from that and you take it as an opportunity to grow You don't take it personally So that's part one of the book We're now going to go into part two where she talks about your relationships and the let them theory So the sixth section oh that's hard to say is called mastering adult friendships And there are three chapters in this section not just two Chapter 11 is called the truth no one told you about adult friendships All right So let me let me say that again The truth no one told you about adult friendships Chapter 12 is called Why Some Friendships Naturally Fade And chapter 13 is called How to Create the Best Friendships of Your Life Okay so cramming all three of these chapters into the synopsis Basically this section starts with why it's harder to make and maintain friendships as you get older and offers advice on how you can maintain those friendships like how to be intentional how to stay connected without feeling drained over it She talks about how not all friendships are supposed to last forever and how to recognize when a friendship has run its course and how to let it go without feeling guilty about it And that growing apart is is natural sometimes and sometimes necessary It's here in this chapter that I realized what a diehard extrovert Mel Robbins is I mean she's talking about going over to perfect strangers and just like saying hi and letting people come over unannounced Okay the sixth section is called motivating other people to change Uh chapter 14 is called people only change when they feel like it And chapter 15 is called unlock the power of your influence Now this is all about people who we want to change but they don't want to change People only change when they decide to no matter how hard you push step back focus on your own life instead of controlling others And she says that what you can do is try to inspire them to change but at the same time you also need to accept them as they are She tries to show how you can be a quiet but powerful influence on those around you without forcing anything Section 8 is called helping someone who is struggling It contains chapter 16 which is called the more you rescue the more they sink and chapter 17 which is titled how to support Wait hold on no how to provide support the right way Now here she talks about the problem of enabling Enabling is when we might justify supporting someone's problematic behaviors without realizing that's what we're doing because we think we're helping them But in reality we are part of the problem when we do this So she talks about the difference like what is enablement What does it mean to support someone What does it mean to rescue them And how sometimes the best thing you can do is back off and let them learn on their own and she tries to give helpful advice on what you can do instead of enabling them Section nine is called choosing the love you deserve and it contains three chapters Chapter 18 is called let them show you who they are Chapter 19 is how to take your relationship to the next level and chapter 20 is called how every ending is a beautiful beginning So here there's a lot of advice in romantic relationships She says that dating shouldn't be to find the one but should just be to really figure out who you are as a person When it comes to romantic relationships she says to watch how people behave over time and stop making excuses for red flags And she encourages people to get out of the romantic fantasy realm and have some boundaries in their relationships and when you should move forward or end it More on this later And then last there's a conclusion which is titled your let me era is here And she's basically wrapping it all up in a bow about how you hold the power of how you're going to control what you can control and let go what you can't and that you need to stop giving people your power And one thing that she says and I'm quoting here is that you are the love of your life It's just basically a reminder of this theory and what it's meant to do So that's a basic summary of this book I know that people out there that might have read it are going to be like "You missed something Melissa." But hey you know what Back off I'm just kidding I'm just I know I missed something I'm 100% sure I missed something But there there is a lot more But I tried to give my best uh to give you a good feel for what the book is about before I give my personal commentary on it So I'm going to start with the positive things and the things that I liked about this book There are six main things I want to cover here First I would be lying to you guys if I said that there weren't parts of this book that I found genuinely helpful and even satisfying to read Even reading that synopsis I'm sure some of you can understand why I would feel that way Especially if you've been on the other side of somebody pushing your boundaries throwing an adult temper tantrum because you had those boundaries maybe emotionally manipulating you or watching them play a part and ruining somebody thinking that they're helping but they're actually enabling them So in this way yeah it's extremely practical pragmatic and relatable I think she ticks all the boxes when it comes to the issues of people uh you know having issues with boundaries control and overreacting I found myself relating to a lot of the examples the personal examples that she gave especially when it came to any sort of anxiety Letting go of control is a very biblical concept Um but of course for the Christian the whole idea of letting them letting them be what they're going to be can be rooted in a lot of proverbs and wisdom So that's what I mean by the concept is very practical It can work for a lot of people Second the idea of actually controlling how you feel about something and taking responsibility for it Call me crazy but I think that's a good thing The thing is though is that we know who we are We know if we are that person with emotional issues or maybe we snap at certain things Maybe we don't see things through the lens of reality but through the lens of pain and what we tend to do is we take that out on other people and sometimes we don't apologize for it So to have access to information that would help you hold yourself accountable to that I think that's a good thing You know for example for me it was when I had my first child that I learned that I had a lot of peopleleasing tendencies I had boundary issues I felt like I would hurt people's feelings if I told them no But I had to learn to say no because I was drowning I was not okay And at the same time I also had to learn how to ask for help and not feel guilty for it or like it was a transactional thing Like now they felt like because I asked for help I owed them something So I had to put a really big boundary up for that And I had to learn to watch out for people that would do that And I also had to keep myself in a position where if I knew I was acting like that towards somebody else This was a big deal with me and my husband because he would do something and I would spiral and he's like "What What did I what happened What's going on here?" He was blindsided And it was because my emotional reaction created a reality that didn't exist and he's just really confused And looking back now we'll be married 18 years And looking back now I get it It was having children that really kicked me out of the nest when it came to this If somebody wanted to get mad at me because I told them no that's on them That is not my fault And I need to let them own their own feelings Now if I'm being a jerk about it or something that is different right That that's me that I got to own it But it was this letting go of control or responsibility for how everybody else felt and what they did that was so freeing because I just simply didn't have the energy to care about it anymore I had a baby I wasn't sleeping I hadn't showered for almost two weeks I smelled like I almost fainted one day walking in the hallway because I think I was so thirsty I don't care Pam if I didn't call you back right away I need to take a shower Becoming a mom was like an emotional sledgehammer for me Okay I mean it really helped me understand what it meant to have boundaries and to prioritize things So I'm saying all of this because I see a lot of these concepts shared in this book and what Mel Robbins is trying to say in this book but also I didn't have to read this book or practice the let them theory in order to learn that But more on this later Third there is something about Mel Robbins tone that that I like Okay And that's probably why she caught my attention when it came on the algorithm She has a way of speaking where people just lean in a little bit more You know she has a way of just flat out telling you the way it is which to be fair a lot of self-help gurus do do that But I wouldn't say she's coddling you in in this book though either Um she does put a lot of the responsibility on you She calls you out when needed and lets you know that you can't be lazy about this or blame others I actually found this aspect very interesting because I do come into contact with some people who do what I call self- sabotaging It's like they are part of creating the problem and maintaining it but then they don't do anything to change the problem and then continue to complain about said problem I mean this kind of stuff can can split off into all kinds of behavior like enablement for example where there's this toxic empathy or toxic positivity in our relationships that we allow So all that to say I just I like her tone and writing in this aspect Now the fourth thing is is that it kind of bounces off of everything that I just shared is her introduction to the let me part of the let them theory As I was reading I was kind of taking notations because I'm like well what if you're part of the problem What if this What if that And that's where the let me part kind of comes in It kind of balances out this idea that you can let go of what somebody thinks what they say and your responsibility over their emotions but it also gives responsibility back to you on how you react It's kind of her way of politely getting in your face if you are part of the problem and how to take action to change that I kind of went into this book expecting to find major issues with the whole idea but I find honestly that this did help kind of balance my gripes So for example let's take how people are going to think things about you that aren't true um and how you can just kind of disengage from that and just let them believe it Let me give you a real example of this Uh there are people out there who think theologically speaking I am a reformed cessationist specifically because I call out garbage theology in the word of faith movement and beyond And even though I love and respect many of my reformed cessationist brothers and sisters and many of my charismatic brothers and sisters I am neither reformed or a cessationist I mean I might agree with some aspects of the tulip model but I'm not a five-point Calvinist So I can apply what Mel is saying here and I just let them believe what they want because I can't control them or their misconceptions I can spend an unbelievable amount of time correcting people or I just let it go and move on God knows my heart He's the only one that I care about He's the only one I want to please And it's my conscience before him that should be clear right So this is where a really good Christian concept can come in So hypothetically speaking this is where the let them and let me would come into play It's me understanding what I can control So people who wrongly assume things about you or me uh we can try to have a mature insight about that which is easier said than done but take the case of people assuming things about what you believe without actually knowing your position Let's say I can understand where that might be coming from for them as it seems to be kind of a knee-jerk assumption to deflect an actual issue or they simply just might have assumed uh kind of an innocent thing there It could also be a sort of mental defense to protect what they believe and allows them to make others sometimes an emotional and theological punching bag Right And it may be easier to dismiss the bigger issue which would cost them a lot to believe I know what I believe and God knows what I believe My conscience is clear Let me make better use of my time And sometimes I find that it comes from a place of hurt which helps me empathize with others It doesn't have to be theological It could be many things But what I'm trying to say here is that it's the emotional and spiritually mature thing to do to take a step back and just kind of put yourself in their position for a second Why are they feeling that way How did they come to feel that way So there's just an example of the balance there And believe me she tells a lot of stories in this book and I found them relatable and it's always a little relieving to read that somebody else struggles with these same things But again more on this later but I did not need to read this book to learn this Fifth I can see uh some people with a strong victim mentality not liking this book very much And this might be controversial to say I don't really care though She kind of calls them out for it And to be honest I'm here for it Especially as a Christian especially in today's political and cultural climate there's a hesitation to kind of look at core issues right in the face and deal with them because there's a lot of pain you got to go through to get there Okay And lastly I don't know if this is a positive but it's more of an observation that's kind of sandwiched between my positives that we've just gone over and my concerns that I'm about to go over But I I'm going to put this commentary here anyway But I was really surprised at how little spirituality was a concept in this book if at all I'll mention this a little bit later but there was only one tiny part of the book that mentioned the supposed ancient philosophies and psychological concepts rooted in stoicism Buddhism radical acceptment and what was the last one And detachment detachment theory But honestly I expected like some misused scriptures right I I expected some misapplied teachings of Jesus along with it but nothing like that was mentioned Not even once Now apart from that section mentioning the roots I didn't see any like outright newagy stuff Now to be fair new thought is infused throughout the entire self-help genre but there wasn't any outright new thought techniques right I was looking for this like affirmations for example manifestation law of attraction or or mind power stuff That's not to say that she avoids this stuff especially on her podcast the science of manifesting and visualization Manifesting is not thinking thoughts and then hoping that they come true Thoughts become things only when your thoughts inspire you to take the actions to get those things Mel you're better than this So I was very surprised that this was not in your face in the book And in this vein I also expected a lot more identity politics Now I think that it's very mild and sprinkled in here and there but it's not really shoved and forced in your face like what we're used to And I'm totally speculating here but it might be a marketing design on why they did that They're trying to appeal to the widest audience that they can And sure there was no misuse of scripture and no culture war identity politics shoved in your face However I do have some concerns Springboarding from my last point yes these things were not directly in your faces in this book However if you know where to look you can see some spiritual influences Now I'll tell you one of the first things that I do when I get a book like this okay is well first I smell it of course but then I read the endorsements which I was shocked that there weren't any inside of the book However in my opinion one of the big reasons for this book's wild success is because the new thought priestess herself Oprah Winfrey endorsed it in an interview And yes she's not a newager She is a new thought which is why she sounds so Christian which I made a whole video about which will be in the description I digress But here is some of Oprah's interview with Mel Robbins endorsing this book And Mel is totally fangirling Oh my gosh look at us We're here I have been waiting for this moment and I am so ready Really Oh this is so much bigger than a conversation I have over the years read I don't probably thousands of books and this is by far just one of the best self-help books I've ever read Now at the time of me filming this right now this video has over 2.2 million views But then I noticed something else As I was looking through the very empty first pages I noticed the publisher It was none other than Hay House Publishing Hay House is probably the number one new age new thought self-help publishing company It was founded by a woman named Louise Haye who is the OG new thought priestess She singlehandedly catapulted New Thought to the next level in culture One way this was done was through her teachings of affirmations and affirmative prayer which are new thought prayers They're designed that way But then the next weird thing I do before I read a book is I look at the back at the citations And again I was stunned because there are no citations Apparently there are no footnotes with linked citations in the Let Them Theory book It only has a bibliography And as someone who just lost my mind and wrote a highly researched book with a high amount of citations and footnotes I was very annoyed What ideas were hers and which ones weren't How could How do I check this I found this to be very ambiguous And I'm sure that other authors do this right Like do they do this I don't But I would really like to check out and match together where she got certain references from but I can't do that I mean here's where my mind goes with this Okay if somebody wanted to check on plagiarism would they be able to do that like maybe there's somebody that's watching that knows more about this than I do that can answer this but this actually carries over into something I'm going to talk about later with some very interesting and surprising controversy that Mel Robbins has found herself in But moving on from that I went ahead and I looked at the bibliography that she used for her book And there's quite a few uh some of them are psychologists others may be general articles some of them are even from her own podcast Uh some of them are other self-help books But I underlined some names that I did recognize One of them was Bnee Brown I mean yeah that makes sense But then I found other names like Echartole for example who is a huge new age new thought guru Now I'm sure that there are other names in the bibliography that would be associated or involved with pseudo spiritualities I just I didn't recognize some of them Maybe I overlooked some but those were the ones that jumped out at me But this is my first minor gripe about this book The second minor gripe I have is what I think is a fundamental flaw in what she's trying to say about the let them theory and it's this idea of just kind of detaching yourself from what somebody else thinks about you and that it seems very me centered versus truth centered Let me unpack this a little bit okay because this is this is really important As a Christian we see that God embodies the truth of reality like laws of logic the the laws of morality what defines goodness just everything that corresponds to reality This is why Jesus says that he's the way the truth and the life and why God has revealed himself in the way that he's revealed in scripture He is the great I am There's nothing that he's not and everything you need is in him Jesus claims the I am for himself exclusively All right And this is another reason why he calls himself the bread of life He's the living water He is everything that you need to sustain yourself especially spiritually So if it's not God centered if you take that out then it's me centered That means that the person that's interpreting what's true is me I'm no longer looking outside of myself for an objective truth because I'm told that what is true is from what I feel It's from within I'm living my truth and I decide what's good for me Now to be fair sometimes when people say "Oh this is my truth." A lot of times that simply means that "Oh this is my perspective." So the language can kind of get a little blurred but that's not what I'm talking about here But if Jesus is the truth then there's a divide a a tension scripturally speaking between what Mel is saying and what scripture says There are a lot of issues that flow from what I just said which kind of sets the stage for everything else I'm going to go over in what I have issues with But it goes far beyond just this book There's a bigger issue here Let me hash this out a little bit more Okay first both of these things can be true You can do something that is true for you and be aligned with reality and a good thing at the same time But that's not the impression I get from from some of the advice she gives here What this book does and what the advice does is it errors on the do what makes you happy even if it hurts others side which is not always right or aligned with reality Let me give you an example here This is on page 124 and I underlined it specifically to read for what I'm trying to say here It's not your job to protect everybody else from feeling emotions Fair enough Your job and responsibility is to live your life in a way that is aligned with your values and what you know deep down is true for you Sometimes that's going to hurt someone It's going to disappoint them It's going to cause pain or heartbreak knowing that your decision will hurt someone else And it's going to be one of the hardest things you're going to do in life People are allowed to be upset when you change your mind and disappointed or heartbroken when you break up People are allowed to be depressed when they lose their job Now to be fair this chapter is talking about the right decision often feeling wrong Yeah that's that's that's what she's talking about and she does give some good insights here but it's messages like this that are kind of sprinkled throughout the book and I find them to be really slippery Let me tell you why Imagine reading this through the eyes of a husband or wife who wants to have an affair and thinks that they will be happier with another person Are you just doing what you know is deep down true for you I see this justified a lot in our culture now that people are just wanting to do what makes them happy Let's take this in a different vein What if you are a huge influencer wanting to start your own business but the name that you want for your business belongs to another person with a much smaller platform you see that they haven't trademarked the name but you know if you take the name you will essentially run them out of business This is legal but is it ethical Because after all it's not your job to protect everybody else from feeling emotions Let them let them feel that way because it's your job and responsibility to live your life in a way that's aligned with your values and what you know deep down is true for you You know it's going to hurt them They're going to get disappointed But hey they're allowed to be upset Let them I hope that you guys can understand the tension there with that kind of advice This is what I mean by like a higher morality a higher moral law a different standard outside of ourselves of what's right and wrong She misses that This is a much bigger issue in the self-help industry than we realize and it's the core issue with a lot of books like this But I'm getting ahead of myself So I think the caveat that should be added to this is that there's a standard of what's right and wrong And I think it's within that standard that moral law that decisions need to be made not what you subjectively see as right or wrong not your values Now I'm kind of ragging on her a little bit here Let me give some grace There are instances where this advice is fine Uh it does depend on the position and on the perspective And even if you're not a Christian right even if your values are different there are times that you can make decisions that are true for you that aren't wrong right That they're not immoral or anything like that So I kind of wanted to clarify that Like I said this is a bigger issue though I don't think that I'm just hammering down or reaching on this point This is a repeated theme throughout the book and it's squishy All right It's just it's squishy morality that just if carried through can lead to some pretty unethical things which interestingly there's an irony to this that I will get to later All right Now my third minor gripe is that I I found the concept really just drug on This is about just the book in general This was a plain Jane self-help book And let me tell you this is such a pattern in so many self-help books where there's a droning on and on a repetition to whatever concept they're trying to get across and there's nothing new under the sun and Mel Robbins took a simple concept that can be put in a sentence or two or a poem or maybe even write an article about or even make a short video as far as what it would look like to simply hash out the nuances of this let them theory But a book that's over 300 pages and 20 chapters long it just felt repetitive after a while And dare I say it even got boring at times Furthermore there's nothing in this book that I haven't read somewhere else or haven't conceived of in my own common sense or life experience Okay the fourth gripe I have is uh I had some issues with her advice about relationships Let's take romantic relationships Okay she says the goal of dating isn't to find the person you'll marry And I just do not agree with her here And I know that it's considered politically incorrect to say today but no that is the point of dating Casual dating and sleeping around might be normalized but it's fundamentally unhealthy I think more people know that and are afraid to say it than we realize You're not supposed to say that out loud anymore But I really don't care because the people reading this advice are sometimes lonely emotionally drained and struggling in relationships likely because part of the problem is our freefor-all dating culture that has trained us to expect connection without commitment It eats its own tail It it gives the problem but it prevents you from finding the solution because our culture has allowed this People are afraid to really look at the core issues In other words I see the let them theory Yeah As practical but it's like a band-aid to deeper issues because of what I was talking before about the the standard of values A lot of people are just afraid to be politically incorrect That's their standard Now this concept can also carry over into friendships and work relationships So yeah there's this promotion of detachment and emotional boundaries which can be helpful Sometimes it can gloss over the moments when we really do need to be challenged and and hurt in order to grow Right So there's an assumption that you the reader are not part of the problem In fact that is the opening sentence to chapter 1 Okay this is what it says in context She says "If you're struggling to change your life achieve your goals or feel happier I want you to hear this The problem isn't you." That's bad news for T-Swift The problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people And you know on the side here I couldn't help but writing but yes sometimes you are the problem So the perspective and the assumption is that the reader is the one that needs to let them So there are just some inconsistencies here One of the examples that Mel gives is somebody who has given a presentation at work and it just absolutely flops And her advice is to just let them feel how they feel and not take it personally She says that it doesn't necessarily mean that your idea was bad but that's the problem is that what if it actually was a bad idea And what if it was their rejection That's exactly what you need to improve or what if your date never called back because they only wanted something physical That's not just let them That's a signal to raise your standards So I understand the core messaging of this book and a lot of it I agree with But when that message turns into you're only the problem because you're not prioritizing yourself it sends a mixed signal Sometimes that rejection is telling you something about your own patterns And if all you ever do is let people be without reflecting on what that reveals about you you don't grow You just stay stuck but more peacefully And I get it That's kind of where the whole let me thing comes in but I think that's my point about the inconsistencies Also this is a random side note but in that section I was actually really surprised to see that Mel Robbins quotes Sarah Jake Roberts TD Jake's daughter in that same chapter Apparently they're friends And honestly I'm not shocked anymore when word of faith preachers cross paths with secular influencers anymore It just it just makes sense at this point Okay Now my fifth gripe kind of plays into another thing that she says throughout the book about not judging This isn't plastered throughout the book but there are a few times throughout where she's talking about rightfully so letting people make their own choices and stop being a control freak But at times one of the remedies she gives with this is to suspend judgment Now if she means harsh critical and condemning judgment where someone is being like an authoritarian jerk then yeah I agree with her But from what I understand it seemed like it was just a blanket judgment altogether We live in a society that says you really shouldn't judge anyone for their choices People don't want to be judged and they think they're being loving and tolerant if they don't judge others I mean it's even in the Bible or something But if I'm honest I always kind of cringe when I come across this because this is really impossible Everybody judges You're judging me right now You're going to judge what's biblical and what should be done is to have a proper judgment For example chapter 14 in her book is about not changing people And there's some good stuff in this chapter but she uses the example of a husband and a wife where the husband is really unhealthy and is making bad life choices And the wife really wants them to make a better choice Now again I'm not sitting here saying that the wife should have like this harsh critical judgment but her overall assessment isn't wrong She's saying that the acceptance of another person as they are is the foundation of a healthy and loving relationship So let's play that movie forward and turn it on its head Does that only apply to the lazy husband or can it apply to the supposedly judgmental wife Can he accept her as she is for judging him for his bad life decisions So some people might think I'm overanalyzing this a bit but I think this is just one example of a bigger point that I'm trying to get across in the book's messaging that a lot of the advice can be very good but some of the things that she says along with it don't seem consistent and are shortchanged Which brings me to the major bigger issue that I have here This has to do with the self-help industry in general And instead of going through Mel's book and picking through it about these problems I'm going to give you a bigger bird's eyee view of this bigger issue Not just with this book but with the self-help industry in general First there's an incentive to keep you messed up Every time I think of this I think of it as the mental equivalent to the pharmaceutical companies The self-help industry like the pharmaceutical industry thrives on an ongoing cycle of dependency rather than true resolution Just as the pharmaceutical companies benefit from managing symptoms rather than curing diseases in the same way I see that many self-help gurus profit from keeping people in a perpetual state of almost healed but not quite This is what I mean when I say that it's shortch changed If a person were to fully overcome their struggles they would no longer need the books the seminars the courses the coaching programs That's just bad for business I believe that this is why many self-help authors recycle the same core messages repackaged in new ways to keep their audience engaged but never truly finished with their journey This entire book is basically a marketing strategy the let them theory It's a commercial for why you need it And I guarantee this won't be the last part of this There might be workbooks seminars or whatever that will be used to tell you how you can grow in this area because this is the answer to all of your problems It's basically now pay me $5,000 and I'll tell you the next thing that will solve all of your problems This won't be the last book that Mel Robbins writes And it won't be the last book some other self-help guru writes about how it will solve all your problems Now to give some grace here I do understand that books kind of in this genre are genuinely helpful right They do work in some aspects Let me unpack that for just a second There's another problem that occurs here that I call the it works trap What you are one with is what you are one to What I mean by that is if this book if you if you read this book okay and it really helps you say that you're just man this this has helped me with so many things in my life I'm so glad I read this book It was earthshattering for you or whatever Now what typically happens is hm what else does Mel Robbins have to say about these things And you know the thing with uh really really popular online influencers is that sometimes there's another alternative worldview that you kind of sign up for that you don't realize you're signing up for because hey their product worked So what you end up doing is lending your trust to this person and it's very difficult for you to see them in a negative light I use this example all the time with prosperity preachers This is one reason why I think they do a lot of false healings by the way because if you believe that you've been healed then they're a prophet to you And they really can't say anything theologically wrong Like that's hard It's hard for you to see That's kind of the essence of my point here The it works can be a trap for you to kind of give your allegiance to this person and what they say about certain things that have to do with the most important things in life God spirituality who we are as people There's some caution that I'm trying to put forth here Next is the illusion of progress All right Just like the goal of the pharmaceutical company isn't to get you healthy but to keep you sick I believe the goal of the self-help industry is not to actually fix you It's to keep you broken Building on top of that many self-help methods give you the feeling of making progress rather than actual progress Similar to how some medications can mask symptoms without addressing the root cause self-help can create an illusion of improvement without substantial change This can happen through a lot of means through temporary motivation boosts like seminars inspirational speeches books and these things might feel good in the moment but they don't provide a lasting change The next issue is what I call built-in guilt and shame A key tactic that I see in some self-help is making you feel like you're the problem if their methods don't work Like you must not have visualized hard enough You didn't affirm the right way You just need to go buy my next book to really unlock the success Now to be fair again this is usually done indirectly But by shifting blame though they wouldn't call it that onto you the consumer rather than acknowledging the limitations of their advice the self-help industry ensures that you keep coming back for more The irony is that the real true problem is that the advice that is being given to you is not the answer to everything but it's marketed like it is So there's definitely a shame cycle here that keeps you on the hamster wheel Speaking of cycles the next thing is the cycle of neverending breakthroughs This is like an emotional subscription model where you have to keep renewing your self-help journey to maintain a sense of hope It's like what's the next high that I can get Now remember that tiny little section in her book that talks about how ancient this concept supposedly is She's not entirely wrong but that goes to show how marketing these ideas of oh it's ancient and philosophical that kind of stuff really works in favor of this industry The other thing to bring up here is to think about how many concepts are repeated almost every 5 to 10 years and they get into books and these same concepts with different titles become bestsellers So on the cover of this book okay it says that it's a life-changing tool that millions of people can't stop talking about But you know what I guarantee you that people will stop talking about this I guarantee you that this book will be a dusty thrift shop find in the next 10 years and will float into the back of everyone's mind until the next self-help book comes up that people can't stop talking about Books like this do a really good job of assessing the problem and even giving some solutions In other words it's really good at giving a diagnosis and telling you what's wrong And it can even give you a treatment plan but falls short on providing a lasting cure because it can never cure you You can read a book like this and get some good stuff out of it I did But you won't live in it You shouldn't because there will always be another book another seminar another method that will do the same exact thing It'll provide temporary relief but you're in essence reliance on this kind of stuff because it doesn't actually work So yeah I actually agree that it's that it's ancient but it's as ancient as a slimy serpent in a certain garden It's repackaged with the same old message that you're the answer to the problem that the power is within you Question God and give power That is Satan's pattern Okay I have one more section that I want to talk about I never anticipate these videos being so long but you know what You know where you're at You know what you came for Okay All right Let me bring it all home If there are any non-Christians watching this and you're wondering why someone like me would take issue with a book like this it's not about throwing cheap shots at Mel Robbins or her work As we've seen there are actually some helpful ideas in books like this My issue isn't that it's bad at all in that regard It's that it's incomplete It falls short I've mentioned this a few times but let me unpack it This kind of self-help approach feels like a modern worksbased religion It's a system of doing all the right things to improve yourself but it ultimately misses the mark because there's a deeper spiritual need that is not being met It's just being temporarily remedied This would be the Christian equivalent to say someone who goes to church donates to charity memorizes and quotes scripture volunteers goes to Bible study and does all the right things but they've never actually encountered Christ And maybe they treat people real bad So those other things that they are doing might be good and helpful for them but it misses the point entirely That's how I see most of the self-help industry It offers a kind of false gospel Instead of pointing people to a savior it preaches that you are your own savior that you just need to live your truth Do the right routines manage your mindset and you'll be whole But from my worldview that message might inspire people for a while but it will not save them That's the deeper issue I wrote a whole chapter in my book about the self-help industry and how it's foundationally been built by new thought authors And the whole core premise of new thought is that you have the power within And it's a lot trickier than you think But let me show you some contrasts here to drive my point home So throughout her entire book the beall end all to your problem is the let them theory But for the Christian the answer is always Jesus But then there isn't just this expectation of your problems ending There's a contentment in it because our ultimate love is him And the answer to pain and evil and suffering is the gospel Many times she says how the let them theory is life-changing and it will change how you think about your entire life But for the Christian it's Jesus and the gospel that's life-changing and he will change how you think about your entire life It's it's argued that the let them theory is a proven method for the Christian Jesus is not a method used to make your life better He is life He is truth The let them theory and many other self-help remedies say that you are also the solution and you have the power But for the Christian it's giving up that power and realizing that you are not the solution In all four gospels Jesus himself says that if you want to find your life then you must lose it This might sound confusing but this is the essence of following Jesus He says to count the cost of following him but there's also a reward and that you will also find yourself in him Now let me give you one more In the last few chapters of her book she emphasizes this concept that you are the love of your own life And the let them theory is this key to this But it's Jesus that's supposed to be the love of our life And he's the key to understanding life So this is what I mean by the self-help gospel being a false gospel because this is what false gospels do They trade Jesus for something else In the Christian world view you're not whole It cannot be done This is impossible So when I see messages like this from anybody like Oprah J Shetty Tony Robbins Mel Robbins or whoever it doesn't actually heal you That's where the gospel comes in And that is probably for some people the hardest part the biggest step to make in the Christian worldview We are all broken And the gospel isn't saying "Hey you got it in you to fix yourself You're already whole You are enough." The message of the gospel is quite different It's recognizing that yes you are indeed broken but you can't fix yourself The answer is get this not to fix yourself The answer is to be made brand new It's to be reborn You need a whole new spirit This is why Jesus uses the words born again This is in John chapter 3 Let me read this to you real quick because a lot of people even non-Christians are familiar with John 3:16 It's probably one of the most popular scriptures in history Now just for context in John 3 Jesus is talking to Nicodemus who was a Pharisee which was a religious leader of the day Jesus is explaining to Nicodemus who he is and what it means to be made right with God which is an irony that Jesus points out to Nicodemus because he's a religious leader Let's start here I'm reading John 3:16-21 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life eternal life Right Let's keep reading For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world but to save the world through him That's interesting because he sent his son into the world not to condemn because the world is already condemned They need to be saved from that condemnation Verse 18 whoever believes in him in Jesus is not condemned but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God's one and only son Verse 19 this is the verdict Light capital L meaning Jesus light has come into the world But people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil Everyone who does evil hates the light and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed But whoever lives by truth comes into the light so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God So to put this in perspective the self-help industry is trying to help you see the light that is within you But Jesus is saying he's the light and the darkness is within us Even the gospel of Luke says that we need to be careful that the light within us is not actually darkness People who come to Jesus to the true light can be made new But they refuse to come to him because they love their darkness And right before this scripture Jesus is telling Nicodemus that he must be born again The thing is is that people don't want to be seen as a bad person right They think that there's a light within them But Jesus is saying that there is darkness We want to compare ourselves to other people But what scripture is saying here is that the standard to be met for perfection for goodness is so high we can't reach it And God is that standard So he's saying come to me I give your life to me and I will reach that standard for you Basically people are told that they are enough But Jesus is saying that he is enough In other words he is the endgame He is the missing ingredient to all of this The self-help industry is the cough medicine to your lung cancer But Jesus is the cure for your soul This is why we see concepts within these books that are good and true sometimes but ultimately fall short They are shortchanged So I think I drilled that point home in the ultimate problems here And I really wish I could stop the video here because it's already long enough Unfortunately I cannot do that because there is a very interesting controversy with this book and I think further nails my point home Let me ask you a question When you saw Mel Robbins book title did it look a little familiar Because it did to me Some of you might actually remember this but a few years ago there was a poem that went absolutely viral written by a woman named Cassie Phillips The poem's name was called Let Them Just let them If they want to choose something or someone over you let them If they want to go weeks without talking to you let them If they are okay with never seeing you let them Before the Let Them Theory book became a phenomenon it was first a movement called the Let Them Movement I specifically remember this poem being shared over and over again and many people in my Facebook feed commenting on it But what's more vivid in my memory was I remember the tattoos being shared People got let them tattoos because of Cassie Phillips poem not Mel Robbins book What's further interesting is that Mel in her book has two pages filled with pictures of Let Them tattoos claiming that these people got them because of Mel's viral video she made about her Let Them discovery Now I do have to say it is objectively true that some of those might be because of her book but it's a simple observational fact that Cassie Phillips and her Let Them poem started this Let Them movement So what's up with Mel's book then Let's start with a timeline I'm going to show you a few clips from a woman named Beth Stanfield I found her videos on Instagram and she gives a timeline but also explains how Mel Robbins has tried to trademark these words In September 2022 the poem Let Them written by Cassie Phillips went viral This initiated in 2022 a massive let them movement which included huge Facebook groups merchandise creation and sales bracelets and necklaces etc and also people getting tattoos Approximately 8 months later in May of 2023 Mel Robbins announces to her community that she had just learned of the let them theory Here's Mel in her own words May 2023 I just heard about this thing called the let them theory I freaking love this If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend let them If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment let them If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing uh with you this week let them And then you get to choose what you do next Less than five months after posting that video where she announces that she had just learned of the Let Them theory on October 10 2023 Mel Robbins Productions Inc files two trademark applications for the Let Them Theory in order to control own and monetize those words These first two trademark applications were filed over a year after Cassie Phillips poem let them went viral in September 2022 on July 11 2024 in advance of her book Mel Robbins Productions Inc filed two more trademark applications for the Let Them theory and one for the phrase let them That's right folks Trademarking words Now just real quick I want to take a moment to clarify that nowhere in the book nowhere in Mel Robbins original viral video and to my knowledge also nowhere in her interviews has she ever once mentioned Cassie Phillips in any capacity or the let them movement that was going on at the time The thing is though is that in in my opinion from what I can see Cassie Phillips did not write this poem to be famous or to keep it for herself She was at a very low point and she was broken and shared her art with the world I don't think she wants credit because she wants to be rich or famous I think she wants credit just because it's the right and ethical thing to do Now the first time I came across this controversy was when I was just looking for clips of Mel Robbins for this book and I came across uh the tubes that had some things to say about this And the first video I watched of this was from a guy named Andy Mort His channel is called The Gentle Rebel And I'm going to show you some clips from that video because I think he does a phenomenal job of piecing together certain things in this story My name is Cassie Phillips Several years ago a lot of people started hearing the words let them A mantra a poem being recited by different people It was going everywhere There's tattoos everywhere It turned into a movement Celebrities starting getting involved It becomes bigger Podcasts are happening and a book's being written called the Let Them Theory So while suggesting that this book is built on extensive research Mel fails to mention this really important context in the book or in any of the publicity surrounding it She knew she had to figure out why this concept was touching so many people So here's what she did People got tattoos She wrote a book Not only that but she's portraying her book as the reason people began getting Let them tattoos Yet this trend began in 2022 long before she'd even heard about the let them theory So the question has to be asked is this plagiarism I'm going to show you another clip from Beth Stanfield because this is actually her field of knowledge What is plagiarism Plagiarism is taking or using original ideas or the expression of someone else and passing it off as your own or taking and using the expression of someone else without proper attribution Either one of those is plagiarism Okay let's go back and look at the replay footage First from back in 2022 and then from Mel Robbins when she announces to her community that she had just learned of the let them theory May 2023 Here's the footage Just let them If they want to choose something or someone over you let them If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend let them If they want to go weeks without talking to you let them If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment let them If they are okay with never seeing you let them If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing uh with you this week let them If they are okay with always putting themselves first let them If they are not showing up how you need them to show up do not try to force them to change Let them be themselves If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceive them to be let them because they are revealing who they are to you Just let them Just let them Here's the thing about plagiarism that is going to make you want to lose your mind outside of the academic context There is no formal police for plagiarism You are the plagiarism police I'm the plagiarism police We are the plagiarism police You know what else is weird The fact that Mel Robbins could have picked any other phrase besides let them But she chose that one Let them was already a phrase gaining traction in the culture known in the culture super marketable and easy to rally around So the groundwork was already fertile for her That alone probably gave the book a huge boost On top of that I also think the big push came from strong endorsements and smart marketing Like we mentioned Oprah there's been so many celebrities that have interviewed her over this book The choice to name the book Let Them feels completely deliberate in my opinion I mean say the Let Them movement did not exist I wonder if she would have chose this Play the movie backward real quick Let's say that Cassie Phillips never wrote the poem and it never went viral Objectively speaking there are better titles than let them titles like oh well or let it go Hey that's a good one That one's already known in the culture Why not choose that one Let it go H the power of letting it go Something with the word surrender in it or even something in your face like get over yourself I mean self-help books are known for being bold edgy sometimes they have cuss words in them It's just the way it is right now Now backtracking a little bit Mel has said that she discovered the Let Them theory when she had her son's prom There's a few things I have to say about this but the first thing is there's something weird she said in her book that doesn't add up in this regard Andy Mort pointed this out in his video but Mel Robbins in her book said that she spent two years researching the let them theory but this doesn't make any sense If she discovered this in May 2023 how could she have gotten a book deal decided to write it go through the excruciating process of editing then happened to be able to release it in December of 2024 I mean I just got done losing my mind in writing a book and there are a lot of gaps between the research writing and then having to turn in your final manuscript for the editing process Like your research stops and then there's like months of the editing that has to happen So there's a gap between when you're finally finished and when the book releases So how did she research this for 2 years then And how in the world could she have missed Cassie Phillips in all of that research Okay but back to this timeline for a second playing devil's advocate All right there is something about the timeline that I'm actually really unclear on One of the claims going around is that there's a timeline inconsistency involving when Mel Robbins posted her initial viral Let Them Theory video and when her son's prom actually happened Okay The claim is that she made the video before the prom took place Now I'm a little embarrassed to admit this but I spent over an hour trying to find the exact date of the prom and I just couldn't It was easy to find when Mel posted her initial video of her discovery of the Let Them Theory on Instagram which was May 13th 2024 but I could not track down a specific date for her son's prom anywhere Now to be fair it's totally possible that I did come across it at some point in this mess of a research that I did and maybe I just forgot it especially with all the sources that I looked through but I want to be transparent and say that I could not confirm this So if anyone out there does know when the prom happened and whether it happened after that May 13th video feel free to please drop it in the comments because if that's true then yeah that definitely does not look good for her Hey post editing Melissa here I actually have some updates on this Right after I was done filming this I saw that there was another video from The Gentle Rebel about how Mel Robbins has responded to the controversy and I wanted to share that with you So apparently there has been a New York Post that has also reported on this I'll leave a link in the description if you want to read the whole thing but it was published on March 12th of 2025 This is what Mel Robbins has to say about the allegations of plagiarism and I'm quoting here People can obsess over any detail but the facts are simple I have not seen her poem I have not read her poem and it was not and will never be the source of inspiration for my book This is nonsense I have spent 10 years shining a light on other people's work So the allegation that I would steal someone else's work is ridiculous As I write in the Let Them theory you cannot control what other people say do feel or choose to make up about you People can say anything about you at school at work on the internet and you can't control it Let them So you can see that she adamantly denies even hearing of Cassie's poem or the Let Them movement Now real quick let me play the role of Mel Robbins defense attorney Okay let me play the defender here for a second I would have to say that her strongest point in this argument is the fact that she really has made a career of shining light on other people's work So what would be the incentive for her to lie if that's been a consistent pattern of Mel Robbins So let's just say that that's true Okay let's say that Mel really is telling the truth and her name is being dragged through the mud for something she didn't do And the biblical term for this is slander right Then that's actually pretty awful for her And I imagine that there's some hurt that she would have to get through If all of this is wrong and Mel Robbins is innocent then she has every right to deny these allegations And even I have to admit that I would have to wonder what the incentive would be to lie if she has a pattern of highlighting people And not only this the argument that this phrase an idea has been around for a while might be a strong one For example again having my defense attorney hat here on I found another poem on YouTube that predates Cassie Phillips poem that goes by the same name called let them So if I were in Mel's position and I was being slandered okay the first thing I would do is try to make the situation as right as I could I would probably reach out personally to Cassie Phillips and talk privately and try to understand the other person I would also try to bring as many receipts as I could Right Okay Now taking off my defense hat for a second On the other hand let's play the other side for a second Speaking of receipts the first thing I would ask for is the receipts I would ask her to prove the date of the prom and then compare it to the date of the video And that's probably the oddest thing about her statement is that if she wanted to clear her name all she had to do was deliver the date of the prom and show that the prom happened before her video and then all of this would go away for her All right So like I mentioned before I just think that one simple thing would clear up so many things because the date of the Instagram video according to my own findings and according to this article is that it was posted on May 13th 2023 But what I'm frustrated with is this article once again does not give the date of the prom It just says that it's in May 2023 And in some videos that I've watched about this controversy there is inconsistency on the exact date of the prom versus the date when the video was posted Like I need some source material here people The actual proof of the date of the high school prom would clear a lot of this up If the prom came after that video then Mel has some splaining to do And if Mel Robbins isn't being honest then it exposes a major flaw in the whole premise of her book that I mentioned earlier You can't apply the let them theory if you're the one in the wrong Are we just letting people do what's true for them even if it harms others Is this her truth or is it the truth That's the fundamental problem with this kind of standard It lacks an objective anchor Now if she is being honest then again it serves as an example of how the let them mindset can be helpful But even then I say it still falls short of what I'd consider a real opportunity for growth accountability and even reconciliation It leans too heavily on detachment when sometimes the better path is honest confrontation or mutual understanding There is more here but I thought that I would share what I found after I had recorded this video But next I want to discuss this whole trademark issue This was mentioned before in a clip but Mel Robbins wanted to trademark the phrase let them Just go and look at Amazon Go put let them in the search bar So think of that from Mel's perspective She's the most powerful one out there and thinks that this is her idea So trying to trademark the phrase would make her very wealthy and it would shut everybody else down trying to use it But if you play the movie forward think of how that would affect somebody like Cassie Phillips She writes the poem that went absolutely viral that's titled Let Them She has been the face of this movement that she never asked anything from She did not ask for this She didn't go looking for it But as I understand it if Mel Robbins gets what she wants and trademarks the phrase then it would seem to me that Cassie Phillips no longer has ownership of her own poem I'm going to read to you an excerpt from an article written by a woman named Sage Justice She was one of the resources I used for this part of the video She's written a lot about this too And again all of her links will be in the description of this video along with all the other uh content creators that I mention in this section but she wrote about the whole trademark debacle I'm quoting her here Trademarking the phrase let them means that all those Etsy creators who've made pillows jewelry shirts mugs and other items with the words let them sometimes using the actual signature of Cassie Phillips would have to pay Mel Robbins a licensing fee to keep profiting off of what Cassie created for free to help those in need If she were to obtain the trademark Mel could sue those independent artists unless they paid her a fee that they may or may not be able to afford I mean can you guys see why this is controversial Also I have to share kind of a funny story with you guys An interesting thing in this vein that happened Now when I went to go order Mel's book I saw another book that looked exactly like hers I mean h same cover pretty much the same title same font and even her first name was really ironic because Mel Melissa and I'm Melissa Anyway but I purchased this as well and I'm kind of glad that I did because when I go back to look for it it looks like it's been taken down Now I looked this up and to get a book taken off of Amazon is actually very difficult to do So my guess is that there's some sort of copyright violation and maybe it was taken down by Hay House But do you want to know the biggest irony This author doesn't give any credit to Mel Robbins and I find it quite ironic and even satirical that this book even exists By Mel Robbins own standard she cannot be upset that somebody tried to steal her idea This goes back to what I was saying before about judgment One of the things Jesus teaches about in Matthew 7 is about judgment but particularly hypocritical judgment He's saying that you cannot judge what somebody else is doing if you are guilty of doing it yourself Okay But now that you have all of this information let's talk about the ethics of this for just a second and let me maybe put this into some perspective Now what some people may not know about me unless you're an OG tubes watcher of my content is that outside of the tubes I am also a semi-professional artist Cassie Phillips is a poet and a writer which to me is a fellow artist just in a different area And there's an ethic in the artist world of not plagiarizing someone else's work or giving credit if they have inspired you And how I imagine this for someone like Cassie is to imagine I were a rather unknown artist and I painted a piece that was extremely personal to me But let's say that I decided to share that with the world I posted on social media and that painting and meaning went viral I felt seen I felt like "Wow this is truly helping other people This is so cool." Then all of a sudden I see my artwork perhaps slightly modified because they repainted it but it's being sold on an insanely popular influencers Instagram page Not only this they are making a ton of money from it and want the copyright of the image The irony would be that the message of the painting signified the exact opposite of what this person was doing though perhaps not the same I imagine that this is how Cassie Phillips must feel on some level One of Mel's claims is that the let them idea is ancient And some of part of that is true Okay she's she's taking a lot of the advice a lot of a lot of the common sense and putting it together in a repackaged way We've already gone over this though But I mean she's she's basically taking common sense application and making it sound like it's some sort of deep ancient wisdom I don't think the origins are a main focus of her book at all but I do think it's her reasoning for where this theory supposedly comes from So in Mel's mind it might be hey it's fair game Now speaking of ethics and art and books there's actually this really cool book called Steal Like an Artist where the concept is that there's really no original idea and that we're all inspired by something or someone I believe as a Christian the originator of the beauty that inspires us as artists started with God He is the originator of my art He is the originator of our poetry He is the originator of everything good true and right But it's not because he created those things It's because he is those things And then what we do is we take that and we transform that concept into something that's original Like for example you guys can't see it but I'm looking in the back right now at a rose painting It's my painting I might have changed the shading a little bit Maybe I chose a different color red But I did not create a rose right I just made it my own I made it original And this is where I think someone like Mel Robbins didn't steal like an artist All right so we made it to the conclusion So even though obviously there are some good and satisfying things in this book my overall impression is that this book did not wow me It did not change my life and I find it quite forgettable It's because this is not revolutionary I think there are hundreds thousands of books on this topic that are actually better and more hard-hitting And I think they are better because they get to the core of the issue I will leave some good book suggestions in that area in this topic in the description of this video for you to check out Oh Mel Robbins She's a good writer a terrific speaker she's got gold nuggets of wisdom and darn it she's likable but she is also a great saleswoman So if you guys want to look more into this controversy there's a lot to know I'm going to leave all the resources to all these people that I mentioned before in the description of this video if you want to check it out It is quite the rabbit hole So I am 100% sure that I talked more about this topic than I anticipated And I am totally sure that I probably missed something And if you are a believer and if you have read this book and you want to give your own insights please feel free to share I would love to know your thoughts But what I've shared so far I think it's sufficient enough for everybody to get an idea of the concept of this book what I think is good uh and also some concerns and filling you in on the controversy But what do you think Do you agree Do you disagree Do you think I missed something Let me know in the comments below