Transcript for:
مفهوم الحب والتعلق في العلاقات

The media presents love as if it's a candle that must be burnt Where one of the two must sacrifice himself for the other No. Love doesn't work this way I always say that even with children whose parents were separated, we always "worry about them" On the contrary, there are times when they become more self-reliant than those children with their parents together. You get someone who says, "I can't live without a romantic relationship. What's their problem? The problem is that they have a void that can never be filled, because they lack the confidence. Their self-confidence or self-esteem is too fragile so that they see themselves through the relationship to the point were a nice word can make their day Attachment, types and causes of attachment. Clingy relationships. Distorted love and true love. Human Needs and many interesting topics to be discussed with our honorable guest Dr. Hanouf Al-Hoqail Before starting this episode, I would like to thank our sponsor for today, Circlys. Thank you for accepting our invitation The pleasure is all mine to be honest. we've already filmed such episode but this time we're looking for improvements and we're presenting more detailed information we're looking forward to this you always be presenting high quality content to the audience as well as image and volume quality this encouraged me to film the episode again I belive you're on the right track I'm really excited for this episode as well as many of our audience specially, since it's a topic that have been encountered by the majority of people which is attachment Exactly Before we dive into attachment we must identify what it is Attachment is a stage of love People have made their own definition of love from their own prespective which differs from one person to the other How is it possible for me to identify the other's prespective of love ? By understanding their needs and their love language Love passes through stages and this is one of the stages Admiration, fascination then love adoration then attachment it's therefore considered an extreme stage in the relationship for example, Qais and Layla Antar and Abla This is not considered love True It's an extremity not an example of love Like the stories in movies and serials In this approach you find them mainly poets Poets use this passion in order to be more productive in their field exaggerating their emotions they think about it most of the time turning it into an obsession without any benefit to be mentioned this is a misleading definition of love that arised with literature Love is not like this Ok. What do you think about love in our community ? We have misconceptions regarding love That are a result of; firstly, the media Serials and cinema The songs that are played They're all misleading in terms of love they encourage the role of the victim The relationships that are demonstrated, generally, in the arabic world The media presents love as if one part is a candle that has to be burnt one of the two has to sacrifice for the other No. Love doesn't work this way What about the sacrifice? Exaggerating the concept of sacrifice is incorrect I've mentioned this before, and I'm willing to say it again The real concept of love Is to give and take back Who loves you, should be willing to give you and you give them as well who loves you, knows your strengths and is willing to improve them tries to support you and in return, you support them as well Love was never to keep looking for someone and to lose my roles and my focus on my life as in being attached to someone only to be with this person I might feel valued then To give and sacrifice then takeback the role of the "victim" and the pleasure in love. To feel sadness, pain and hurt This is a concept of love that has arised inside his head and it's distorted that is his understanding for love He who plays the role of the "victim" and feels this exaggerated pain is a person who has his needs the human needs include the following firstly, survival as when avoiding a car that is going fast on the road Being alive Exactly Secondly, ensuring survival as in eating, drinking and so on Thirdly, achievments to define a goal and work for it Fourthly, is love to love and feel loved note this sentence carefully "to love and feel loved" when I say "love" only, it might be unfair in a situation of attachment we have two parties the one "attached" and the one "attached into" this "attached into" will reach a stage that is unbearable he did build a relation with the "attached" in the begining he gave and gave at first which made you addicted because you have voids that haven't been filled that have developed since your childhood and this is one of the causes that we will discuss later on this person have filled for you which made you feel as if they're your only hope and I must attach to them It's like holding a little bird in your hand and tightening your grip the moment you loosen your hand it will fly far away What is the right thing to do? the right thing is to fulfill the needs of the person to provide food and shelter for the "little bird" then it will come back to me and might fly again you can't keep someone to yourself all the time there is no person that belongs to you and only you if you overflood them with emotions they'll know that your life revolves around them as in constantly talking to them, looking for them keeping them around all the time Ok. Why do they tend to be over-giving ? Does it help them to value themselves more ? to show that they're good enough Or is it the previously placed concepts ? Great. let's start to put our points into order when it comes to causes we tend to have four types of attachments Attachment to thoughts, attachment to behavior attachment to things and attachment to people Which would you like us to begin with ? As you like I prefer if we start with the less and then proceed to talk about people The first type, called "attachment to behavior" as in having a healthy lifestyle This is considered a positive attachment or let's call it a positive behavior other attachment to behaviors as if someone is attached to doing drugs or smoking and so on and so fourth or even video games betting on sports I believe they exist among the youth it's an on going behavior on the other hand, the positive behavior of the healthylife style we conclude that it's either a positive or a negative attachment to behavior Can we discuss this in more depth? The main cause for behavioral attachment can be explained in two points The first one is due to fear and doubt that the person is trying to overcome to escape from ? The second is the inability to face problems I'll give you an example someone who always deals with his problems by doing drugs or by smoking maybe and things like that Let's say smoking by doing so he's trying to overcome the feeling of anxiety. correct ? he believes so this is related to the first cause overcoming fear and doubt another person which upon facing a problem plays video games extensively, for example. or exhaust his body at the gym this is considered a behavioral attachment Time after time, this person can no longer face his problems so he tries to escape them instead Therfore, when I say behavioral attachment .. What do I mean by attachment? It's a critical point to understand attachment is a behavior that weakens my roles and ruins my life for me because I'm constantly seeking it as if it's the only thing that is there for me as if it leaves you with your hands tied It limits his roles someone who's out for hours to do something someone who must do something in order to do his job Do you get my point? the moment that your roles are limited or your goals are paused or when you feel that you've lost control it means that you are attached that's it simply said. So it's because of escaping problems either that or because of fear or anxiety so you must address the roots of the problem Nowadays, in Ramadan many of our habits have changed as well as our behaviors Why? because we're motivated by faith and a duty to be performed therefore, towards the end of the month, you feel as if time is passing by quickly it's necessary to make good use of this time period and change some of your behaviors sometimes you see a person as soon as they break their fasting they go back to their old behaviors Ok. What is the origin of behavior ? is it a feeling, a thought or a habit? That's an excellent questions Everything in life starts with a thought then it's programmed into a sense the sense becomes a feeling and then it becomes a behavior with repetition it becomes a habit Can you give us an example ? Let's take smoking for example the sense when it comes to smoking is easing the mood to reduce the tension this is a false sense it relates the action of smoking to the feeling of relaxation and attributes it to Nicotine it's all false after that it affects the behavior it's proven that smoking and Nicotine actually cause tension but this false sense has affected the feeling and as a result, the behavior. the cycle flows in this manner Action, repetition then reward this repeated behavior then becomes a habit and it's done regularly whether the person is happy, sad or just free. Can it develop into an addiction? Yes, for sure. It becomes a part of you All of this begins with just a thought even to quit a bad habit specialists recommend linking the habit with negative thoughts toward it the approach is to repeatedly mention the harmful outcomes of this habit It can be replaced as well yes, or to focus on the harmful side of it in other words, to stay alert it makes the difference when it comes to attachment issues to be aware that this is a harmful behavior not to just do it subconsciously and waste my time seeking it as in spending 8 hours daily to watch movies, for example which is an escape from reality You mean numbing myself Yes, exactly I must keep track of the time that I'm spending Because time can not be bought this what I mean by being aware to study both, the positive and the negative sides to manage my time and my roles a man has the purpose to build earth not to waste time running away from problems I must learn to face my problems and the first approach to do so, is to face myself know your fear or your weakness and then face it Do you think that people hesitate to face themselves ? This is the most difficult challenge to humans The fact that humans hate to face themselves Hate to face their flaws therefore, the best way to stay alert is to face your own fears Why do people fear this ? Because it's like seeing your reflection in a mirror the moment that I see flaws in my reflection or things that need to be fixed I try to ignore them immediately as if it's blurry the first step has to be facing your fears Here is something that I always say to my children If you've got any fears you must face them Don't run away from them Figure out a solution and face them Honestly, I used to be afraid of cats one time, they brought me a cat and I was about to go up to the fifth floor but my daughter told me that you must face your fears so I started to pet the cat slowly and since then, I became okay with cats I get it that running away is not a solution No. Never Do you know how to reach your full potential? As mentioned in the Hadeeth, with the meaning of, the greatest struggle is the one against the self One must keep on improving himself even if he reaches and advanced age like the 60s or 70s Every day you can discover and adjust something new You have the chance to change yourself untill the last moment in your life There is no such a thing as the elderly can not change or that I'm used to this or too old for this It's a major problem to believe so Allah almighty made the man flexible you can change anything Allah almighty gives us five times each day a chance to clear our thoughts when we pray Praying is a daily exercise to manage your thoughts not to just go with it I'm the one in control unfortunately we allow our thoughts to lead us You're supposed to be the master of your mind and not let your mind manage you The soul and what it desire Everything begins with a thought inside your head it's not the heart even when it comes to love and feelings Many people say that it's out of their control There is no proof for this I mean they do realize that what they're doing is wrong but they insist on doing it. I don't know why Exactly. You've said it they insist on doing this I've came across cases where the person tells me that they're in love and so on and so fourth I simply tell them that they're pleased with this situation You're enjoying this drama He tries to justify himself by saying things like I'm in love or I found myself attached No you're not You brought this to yourself by constantly thinking this way it plants this person in your subconscious as soon as you wake up, you find yourself thinking about this person by exaggerating their place in your life It's a process of repetition as I've mentioned earlier, when it comes to quitting a bad habit it can be achieved by repeatedly mentioning the harmful outcomes of it by now, we've covered the behavioral attachment Let's get into attachment to thoughts What is meant by attachment to thoughts? the thoughts that are forced by our community, perhaps? could be. But this is known as a social pattern to follow a certain path as in to study, then graduate, then get married such attachment may impact the decision making and result in a poor choice that's the first point in attachment to thoughts is it completely wrong ? No. not necessarily but it's neither completely right as well what might go wrong when it comes to attachment to thoughts is when this attachment disrupts your other activities being attached to a certain specialty and if I don't specialize in this, it's considered a failure the person becomes frustrated and might end up depressed attachment to thought is also called the "silent attachment" What is meant by "silent attachment" ? to observe the actions of a person someone who has always grabbed his attention and this is the begining of attachment by the way then he starts to interpret those actions based on what he desires as in this person is doing this "for me" it's all an attachment to a thought a thought that he has been building up inside his head the man begins using his imagination since childhood the extent might differ from one person to another so they're assumptions that could be right or wrong ? Yes. Exactly Certain characters have a great potential for imagination How come ? It's part of their emotional personality is it influenced by gender ? It's relative not absolute and it exist in both but varies in the degree Men tend to be more rational while women tend to be more emotional Therefore, an emotional man differs from an emotional woman The emotional man is essentially less emotional than the emotional woman There are many approaches to measure to which extent Other people build their ideas toward you based on how relieved they feel around you Can we take a step back.. You've mentioned that emotional people have a higher potential for imaginations Yes, exaclty This persons begins to develop his silent attachment by observing the other person's behavior and actions and falsely interpret them as if they have feelings for him He built a thought and attached himself to it untill he crashed into reality and ended up strongly shocked becasue he has programmed his mind into a certain picture and silently attached himself to it who can we blame in this scenario ? the person attached or the person he got attached into ? I mean why would he leave this person attached ? No, this person is just acting naturally spontaneously While the person attached is making up assumptions and ideas based on what he desire to believe He's the one who put all his focus toward one person What if the other person actually responds ? In this case, it's no longer a silent attachment sometimes, when you find yourself attached to a certain thought how can you tell if it's driving you down ? when it begins to impact my roles for example, someone wants to engage in a certain trade so he begins to trade by risking his money and taking loans all to become rich he loses everything and his debts start to accumulate only because he's attached to the thought of trading instead of exploring other alternatives or changing plans Another important point attachment to thoughts might arise from parents when parents demand their child to study a certain college and work in a certain field whether a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer the child might not have the educational skills required to succeed in this field which negatively impacts his character and makes him ignore his privileges although, this child might have social and personal skills that other children lack it's unfair to evaluate someone based on his academic performance only Never evaluate yourself based on "papers" it's a modern belief it's true that academic degrees and job titles are important.. but they should never be the criteria to value yourself Pay attention Always remind yourself of your characteristics "I'm good at this and that and so on.." that's a common mistake that parents make to control their children based on their own thoughts You must motivate them that's for sure but don't take away their privileges Your child may not be great academically but he can be excellent socially in managing his personal life or in a certain business therfore, don't restrict your children based on your own ambition or on a dream you wish to achieve I understand that it would have been nice but your child may not have the ability to achieve it Becareful not to suppress your children your child has to enjoy his freedom of choice everyone is born with something that makes him special each and every one of us the best thing that anyone could do is to discover this thing and work on improving it that's what I'm trying to say Ok. Let's go to our next topic We've already mentioned attachment to behavior and attachment to thoughts Now let's talk about attachment to things Sounds good After that we can discuss attachment to people, stay with us It's the most important topic we'll leave it to the end Ok. When it comes to "attachment to things" One type of it.. is because of memories when someone wants to relive a particular memory so he finds himself attached to things that he places around the house as in keeping the belongings of someone who had passed away Believeing that such things are linked with good memories while most of the time they're not Sometimes, keeping things is because of a deprivation that arised from childhood For example, I remember a case that I've encountered where a girl keeps around empty perfume bottles because there was a time in her life that she couldn't afford perfumes so now she keeps them around even if they're empty This is because of deprivation Similar to adults that like to acquire toys this is also a deprivation from childhood other times, keeping things is because of passion some people like to acquire classy things or vintage or things that are one of a kind in an exaggerated manner When can we say that it has a negative impact on us ? when it interfers with our roles Your role as a father your role as a wife and so on when you find yourself spending most of your money on something without paying attention to other obligations or needs you find the families complaining about it buying such things extensively this is an attachment to things for sure since it affected other aspects of life I would like you to further explain a point You've previously mentioned childhood Does childhood greatly influence the life of a person ? Many approaches state that childhood does impact our lives that's right But we can't just proceed to blame everything on our childhood to say that I'm the outcome of what I 've went through in my childhood "My mother mistreated me and my father didn't love me enough" they've raised you based on their instinct they're not specialists I dont't like to keep repeating this approach Even though it does exist, that's right and it's known as "Socialization" but the man has the full freedom to change himself There are people who went through a harsh childhood and it didn't influence them On the contrast, there are people that became successful because of their harsh childhood It's a matter of a thought and it's meaning if I take the thought of living a harsh childhood and link it to the meaning of having poor mental health because I was susceptible that would be wrong I liked the part where you talked about the meaning is it the same as having a purpose ? Exactly I always say this when it comes to children whose parents have been separated we always say that they're not okay and such things No. Sometimes you'll find them more special because they're dependant on themselves more than children that grow up with their parents it builds their character Ofcourse this doesn't make divorce good it remains one of the worst things but what I'm trying to say is don't look at the children as if they're weak No. They'll be strong insha'allah Always remind them of their good characteristics and don't treat them like they have a weak spot because by doing so, it will weaken their personalities therfore, you shouldn't link everything to your childhood Many specialists exaggerate this approach It is correct to some extent but it doesn't cover all the aspects because it neglects my ability to change as a human we have the complete freedom to choose how we want to be we are only using 5% of our brain if we use more we can become scientists or even innovators I get from what you're saying that it's easy to come up with excuses you can find thousands of them In my clinic, I've heard all the excuses that you can think of coming up with excuses is similar to tying your own hands everytime I say it's because of my childhood I'm tying my hands everytime I say it's because I'm traumatized I'm tying my hands it's like being dragged down by sand that's a very good example We were born to learn not to struggle What about happiness ? is it considered a choice ? Happiness as a concept includes your life as a whole When people ask me.. How can I create happiness ? you're already living in happiness you must admit to this fact but you're not feeling it around You mean to always feel discontent and unsatisfied with what you have ? Your normal standard should be happy to be aware of it, I repeat I'm happy because I can see I'm happy because I can listen I'm happy because I have all these blessings to be aware of all the positive things around you and to always be thankful for having them that's true happiness Nothing is capable of bringing you happiness except finding it in yourself from up here How ? By being aware of the beauty in my life from the early hours of my day Thank god for everything For the colors that I see with my eyes For the sounds that I can hear For my body movement For my children For my shelter For my bed and for my entire life being aware of this is what creates happiness Do you know who can never find happiness ? the one who is attached because he has linked his happiness with a certain thing I would like to comment on what you've said regarding the "early hours of the day" As mentioned in the Hadeeth, with the meaning of.. the one among you who wakes up safe in his property, healthy in his body and has his food for the day, it is as if the whole world was brought to him. Exactly We shouldn't be worried about the future and neither about the past we should only focus on the present Enjoy every moment while it lasts Am I right ? Therefore we must use it efficiently In order to gain from it later on I don't mean to interrupt you but.. you've reminded me with the main psychological issues such as anxiety and depression as in when you worry about the future or feel sadness about the past You've reminded me with the "Deer" that's a story that we have to tell if you've ever came across a documentary.. you must have noticed that the deer is extremely fast maybe even faster than the lion or the cheetah Why ? because while running away, the deer tries to ensure its survival it goes the same way for animals to survive as the deer turns back.. it looses some of its speed due to the size of its neck.. which results in the deer being captured by the lion all of this because the deer has looked behind if only it focused on running and continued to move forward it wouldn't end up as a prey or a "victim" in a similar manner.. people who turn back frequently might end up a victim, just like the deer are such people necessarily attached ? It's mainly an attachment to a thought that had occurred in the past as in someone who had suffered with a relationship in the past in a bad relationship that had ended with a divorce so he keeps recalling this event because our brain tends to be protective in your opinion, why does the brain recall poor experiences ? it's a protective mechanism to prevent it from happening again it's like an on going alert for me to observe my surroundings based on this experience to be careful and cautious after that, the person begins to generalize this experience on everything that's one of the psychological aspects therefore, recalling past experiences is for me to protect myself it crossed my mind the other day.. when we were filming the episode Some women in some areas.. keep on saying that men are cheaters they can't be trusted and so on I would like to say something briefly.. for the women we always tend to hear the bad outcomes or the problems that arise from marital relationships those who say such things, proceed to live happily with their husbands and families none of them talks about the bright side this ruined the overall picture of marriage I frequently struggle with women.. who got the wrong picture of marriage it's like as soon as they start their marriage they're waiting for the part where their partner cheats the part where they get their feelings hurt that's a serious problem therefore, during the first period of marriage.. you'll find the woman seeking safety while the man is driven by his emotions and his giving the woman would be closed on herself and not giving in terms of her emotions which makes the man feel distant this affects his self-esteem and pushes him away there is alot to be said when it comes to generalization by cheating, you mean as in the bad deed ? Yes, the deviation this is something that we've said before it's commonly known as cheating but it's called deviation generally speaking ofcourse, whether it's a man or a woman any person commited to a real relationship as in being married has to be content with his partner and further build up this relationship Don't listen to any external party when it comes to working things up you must do your best to maintain this relationship cheating can never be justified there is no excuse for such deviation or bad deed Even if the reason is a need that wasn't fulfilled ? The worst thing you could do.. is come up with an excuse to cheat as in I've done it because of this and that Well have you tried another approach ? No. You haven't It's very easy to come up with an excuse whether it's from the woman or the man there is no such a thing as an excuse eventually, you can end this relationship it either arises from poor manners or from poor raising methods or from weak religious beliefs Do you get my point ? we often notice in western series that the married man drifts away from the idea of cheating that's a matter of manner and not religion Meanwhile, you as a muslim.. must be driven by faith, manners and being well-raised that's you're supposed to hold on to therfore, don't put yourself in such a situation it's just wrong as a muslim, you're better than that I feel like this topic is getting on your nerves because I came across alot of similar cases in my clinic it really bothers me there is no excuse for such a thing I repeat this all the time Try your best to not end up in this stage Because no one wants to feel what it's like to be cheated on neither the cheater becomes happy it's a loss for both parties it really depreciates yourself then you must begin to treat the other person whom you've hurt and consider how to change the way he views you and how to gain the trust once again Because a solid relationship is based on five pillars Commitment, trust, sharing interests, solving conflicts, and both; a verbal and actual expression of emotions Can a relationship be restored after cheating ? that's a tricky question ! Cheating definitely leaves a scar and it's a painful experience but many partners have managed to overcome this How come ? by the support of the one who caused the damage and to which extent did the damage occur if it was going on repeatedly, it's difficult to move on from this that's one thing.. the other thing is to take the initiative.. and try to fulfill the needs of the other party one of the approaches is to have a thorough understanding to overcome all doubts because the other party has already generalized the picture after they've found out about cheating you'll always find that the one who did the action truely believes that as soon as he apologizes everything would be over As a matter of fact, that's where it all starts for the person who got hurt and it takes alot of time and effort therefore, you're supposed to play the major role in the healing process and you must understand the way that the feelings have changed toward you you might witness episodes of anger and rage usually after cheating, the one who got cheated on.. enters the stage of attachment You'll find the person extremely attached and afraid because he has been hurt this happens to most of the people who've lived through cheating Why? is it because they feel that they're not good enough? Yes. As if in how did this happen to me ? and how did I put myself in such a situation ? to the point that makes them explode in rage those who've experienced this.. God forbid know what I'm talking about very well it's an intense condition of attachment Any suffering that I've caused for you I'm willing to help you overcome Cheating does leave a scar but it can fade away When the partner that caused the suffering does understand the stages that the other partner is going through and helps them to heal Is it possible that it never fades away ? it depends on the situation if it was extensively repeated and also depends on the character of the person As I've mentioned before constantly recalling the experience is a protective mechanism hoping that it never happens to them again Whenever they're trying to sleep they remember everything they've went through Everytime this recurs they become distant again and full of doubts Ok. What are the precautions.. that a person can take before falling into this bad deed ? What are the measures ? I've said this many times and if it was up to me, I would call today's episode "Awareness" You have to be aware of your actions and emotions Because a man can be driven by temptations and may easily end up on the wrong path Always be aware of the first step Repeatedly thinking about something and engaging with all of your senses with it Hearing and seeing are means of input that can program your thoughts and develop into behavior as long as you control those means you're considerd on the safe side that's it, simply said. it's one of the keys to drive yourself against your desires to be honest, that's not an easy thing to do to overcome your desires and to build good habits Exactly that's actually a topic that differs from attachment What I'm trying to say is it's normal if you find yourself stuggling at the begining of it that's a sure thing People come to our clinic.. seeking help or a particular advice among our secrets as specialists.. we can only provide up to 20% or 30% of the solution that's it ? Yes Surprising isn't it ? while the rest is up to you therefore, before going to a clinic.. you must be willing to do the work yourself intrinsically I always provide them with certain techniques and ask them to adhere to those techniques because if you don't there is no point of showing up to the clinic again You mean that the change must arise from their own ? that's the alert I need to know whether the person is really willing to change or they're just here to express themselves looking for a side of acceptance they called it i want to serach about acceptance, i'm still acceptable and attractive here and here and here, charge the charger from here and here or because of an aspect, the first thing we said the psychological and we said the sentimentalist is looking for one person ,the sentimentalist sometimes is in a healthy marital relationship but still looking for or find a romantic relationship outside and experience with her the healthy emotional expression comfortable there, having fun there, considering marriage as a form of socializing this is a deviant behavior with only one person three, what we call sexual infidelity i'm looking for a relationship just to have sex then end it, which is a behavioral habit, sometimes (x2) this behavioral habit begins before marriage and continue sometimes they are created at a time of emotional lull between spouses, it has many dimensions, like the saying of god almighty by the mean of- god doesn't change what's wrong with people untill they change what's in themselves- the decision is yours if you have the desire, you want to change, you have the ability you are a creature of god and god gave you the ability ti adapt, we go through many seasons in the year, we go through many circumstances in a day we go through changing events, god teaches us every day how to control, god teaches us every day how to adapt your kids who you see growing up every day they face problem but you say thanks gog but let them see the world as it is, right? let them get acquainted, let them recognize the difficult situation so they can learn you're the same even though you're still learning every day, but we have a conviction i'm too old to change, you can change the older you get, the more mature you become, the more you can control youeself oh, nice ,okay, let's move on to the fourth type which is the attachment to people, yes, attachment to people mr. abdullah, it comes from multiple causes, number one is food, if i find the person that i'm attached to has my food, relax with him,with her, i feel myself with her one will come and says i can't live without a relationship where is the problem, the problem is she has a tank that won't never fill up because, basically it isn't filled with self-confidence she has no self-esteem, she want a mirror to see herself through it, that is the person she get attached to he is her mirror, if he said a sweet word, then he made your day the attached person always in a state of convulsion bother abdullah,one of his feature he is always nervous in a state of constant anticipation, has a fear of losing someone, has a fear of abandonment, feels like he's always in the ICU, needin to be revitalized, he is very unbalanced, has alittle consentration ,when you sit with him and talk his brain is always distracted, his eyes focused on his cell phone he's always distracted and can't concentrate with you in your problem , has no role in life his goals begin to be disrupted from the beginning of the attachment has a history of crashes and obstacles he is on the edge,convulsed, handcuffed, because his brain has been programmed his brain is like a file, like i said, the repetition of the idea about this person starting to malfunctioning him, trifling convulsed, always tired, in a state of wavering thought not concentrate in his life, always connected to this person, because he is my light he's the light, my value in life, like this light that you put on my head, he's her light , he sees himself through this person , if she hears a sweet word from this person ,the world is an ornament and sees herself nice hearing the adornment words from this person makes his days, yes that is, attachment, when he sits with me, i feel that i am desirable, if he doesn't sit with me, i'm the problem this person get angry with me, why? of course i did something, starts the most subissive and get more submissive, gives more, start to drown emotionally the attached to person, strat escape, goes away what are their features, excellent, your question is about the signs of the attach person if you want to know he's attached or not, how did he get attached is attached, he has a number one person in his life the answer to your questions is, first, i know his life stoped, second, a state of permanent convulsion and disorientation third, i n a state of anticipation, anticpating for this person fourth, he has fears of abandonment all the time afraid he's leaving, fifth, has trouble with his self-esteem (x2), again we're talking about the causes, why do i get attached to someone as i said, he has an issue or aspect some people say it's because of childhood, say always give them tenderness give them affection, get closer to them, give them, right? the non-emotional fulfilment aspect may not be good emotion in childhood affects, i found this tank so hold on to it, this could be one of two low self-esteem or low self-confidence, i have my self-entitlement is already low, so i'm looking for acceptance by others, anyone who starts the relation show you the peacock situation they call it shows aff all of his aesthetics, see what i have everything sweet, in the peacock situation, it called peacock, you know brings out his colors and show off his beauty the beginning of the relationship is like this the person get attached why beginnings are bad, it's normal for all relationship to go through, i talked about the six stages of emotional relatioship or a marital relationship, if you will the idea is, in the beginning of the relationship, you're in a state of high ecstasy the attached person get attached to this initial stage and wait for it when he moves to the second stage, which is the realization of the emotional relationship, he sticks to the first stage looking for the same ecstasy, so he's attached to this initial ecstasy what he found in this relationship and want it to remain he wants it to last for a while and not change not to change and his life return to normal life it becomes more of mind attraction than an emotional one, it feels like, most of these people don't have accomplishments in life, this is the main points that attached people this is exactly why they can't concentrate in their achievements or roles, if you want to get rid of attachment and really want to get rid of sadness and save yourself and get rid of all the emotional aches and pains, focus on the purpose of the life which you exist and created for something you can meet your god with, focus my brother think logically, the attached person you know he is deprived from the emotional luxury, yes deprived from it, why? the world is windows, but he only open one window, and there are alot of windows open here, here and here, please look imagine, out of bilions in the world, imagine the farthest image, imagine the globe imagine how many people are in it how many people there, you're sitting here loving and clinging wasting your life, thoughts, effort and emotional energy and exhaust everything for him you're attached to someone i always says, the concept of safety, how to get it they say there's nothing makes you feel safe except for one thing, safety is with god not even yourself, brother our god tell us to pray about who chane the heart, set my heart on youe religion, you're not supposed to tie your safety in anything or anyone, your safety is only with god and how to find it again with him you're already found it with someone you won't find it with someone, not even your kids so how to get attach and increase my faith with god these are matters of sharia and religion specialists speak in it, higher than me and better than me i'm talking to you about my personal learning i'm saying that safety is tied to god, in everything, but is it right to get attached to someone and search of safety with him, that is the biggest problem he could face it, the human if he's searching for safety from someone in a relationship, be careful, don't look no no, safety is only with god, i don't trust anyone, will you trust anyone, give me a prove, you don't have a prove of any kind in life there is no guarantee if i'm always looking for my safety in someone else even if i found it for a while we will not always find safety in indivduals self-assurance and true psychological luxury is that i find safe with god, not looking for someone to free me from all the people, i should have a goal in life, to populate the earth, i shoud just do what i'm suppose to, you came to this world with a massage, you don't exist becouse of someone who you waste your time for or preoccupied you life with her, you don't exist for someone you're here for a specific goale, a massage to show and relie on god, that is your goal in life you must relie and belive, not to search for safety do your role and go, not looking for safety you say i find safety with my husband, you do your role with your husband, if you are required three types of the treatment that mentioned in the quran, is i treat you using the following, the easy handling an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, secondly i treat you as how god wants me to treat you mr.abdullah to treat you as god wishs i treat you as god wishs me to how to treat you, is the second treatment you treat others as our god wishs i give my kids without blackmailing them befor i did, learned, played with you and did every thing you did it and you were having fun it is the motherhood instinct and you wanted to feel it don't extortion them with this feeling, i treat you as god wishs, the strongest treatment above what all people reach who has a high level of faith, to treat you as what i want our god to treat me how do he treat me, forgive me,let go of my mistakes ,let me get in to heaven rewared me, give me, this is the third trearment not anyone can reach it not any human has the ability to our god has the ability to our gos spoke about it in quran and sunnah and made it clear alot of things, forgiveness, excuse them, repress your anger all of these things are mentioned and hard for human to do, but i say it while discussing, it is a kind of treatment and so the main reason of attachment we say one of the reasons of attachment he lost something in his childhood and still hurt about it and found it here, or may be from past experience bad experience or pain for the ending of a specific relationship and want to make it right here, get the idea i lost befor and lived in a bad relationship tragic one and goes to the second relationship and i'm falling apart i want this man, he wont let me go don't want any war and don't want to let her go, so you give her what she want don,t divorce ,don't repet the experience he will be a prisoner ot the relationship, sometime the reasons of attachment is emotional blackmail or blackmailing, what i mean emotional blackmailing make anyone reach the attachment state becaues he know your weak-point i'm going to my family i'll take two examples so no one get angry leaving her, is a kind of blackmailing i'll leave her, and leave for a week yes, exactlly if you want me you shoud change this and this he change this and that, she change this and so, so he use blackmailing pulling away his supplies, come closer , feeds himself pull away, and come back to feed himself and pull away, the stick theory, stick and the carrot policy the other person doesn't have good emotional awareness, so what will happen to him poor guy what will happen he will start a permanent state of fear anticipating, fear of leaving start to become like our brother we talked about him, anticipating nervous, always apprehensive, has a fear of abandonment running after this relationship, he fears from losing it like he is in a state who need to reenergise, okay then can you give me the characteristics of the other person for example, a narcissist, a blackmailer, i mean all the people we get attached to have shapes thers is someone maybe we don't love him a narcissist anyone get attached to but my problem with the attached person is his manner someone come and say he is attached to his wife or her husband is attach when he is just patient his long-windedness is capable to solve anything but how to prevent people from using him making him take loans and debit for her loans or debit for him, registere the house in his name according to is he a blackmailer or a wise man ability to manage the issue, there is a thrid person whom is attached, escape to the outer circle, has a privte life, wondrous, he run and still stay normally, but he's already on the run from you he feel strangled, anyone who is attached to someone is repulsed by them if you want him to leave, get attached to him, it's a technic if you get attaced to your husband or your wife, they won't last long yes, did you see something like this they reach the stage of emotional drowning or what called emotional suffocation everything if you overdo turns against you there is nothing called men in their emotinal nature and this is one of the secrets of a man's passion loves to compete to get to something, you're canceling the competition to reach to you between love and respect, desire between you want him but don't mute him, don't drown him with women show her you love her show her you care, show her, but disrupte her whole life with you, the world, life and people are created not for one reason the idea you reach the ownership stage thinking he is youe proprietary, you don't own anyone our god own us all, so don't think just because you're engaged or married you own someone don't you ever think since you are in a relationship or married that he own you or you own him or he owns you you, this person you're conceted with roles and benfets in life and related things with benfets we've said it befor alot of people may ..disapprove i don't know, but this is my point of view okay, you said you have a different point of love and maybe alot of people distinguish love in a wrong way we shouldn't sacrifice oh nice you have but i don't it suppose to be like this the idea the we have carriers from soical media from TV from publication that affection or love or feelings has sacrice and break down crying and sadness, victim role you give and do - drama drama just to see them, okay but true love which is truely ... unfortunately even in literature as i told you the stories we heared poetry and poem of how died in her grave or gone mad that isn't love, that is a illness true love is the action of healthy relation build up upon giving and take there is an immportant corner i should discus the advantage what is it is it wrong if i build a relation with the other person becouse we have good benfits? maybe somepeople will say iam using him and no one should interfere my moralist sir when you get married, the marriage contract is giving and take between the two of you right? - right will you marry if she didn't give you anything? and you give her , you anwser me no so giving and take is like depet in relations your relation with ''allah'' god almighty a big parts of it build up on benfits i want god to be pleased with me right ? -right my god created me becouse he want something from me right or wrong? -right so i can give and give if there is taking there is exchang the word advantage would differ if i want to have a relationship wit you only becouse i want something from you i want to take the specific things ''money'' i will take it '' i want to get married to have kids'' this benfit is illegal isn't honorable ,isn't good the true benfit the exchange of benfits or the exchange relationship '' giving and take '' is the true love i should know my partner need things i could give it to him support his goals and he will support mine in turn i should know his internce and respect it and he respect mine this is the balanced relation know my weakness and strengthens them know his weakness and strengthens them not moking him not ckoking him, not owning him this isn't love, no love is when go to you i found my home, i found comfort with you found you as a friend as a lover as a husband, brother, father see you as something how is close to me its numerous , the marital relationship it carries four kind of interior must be present in the good relation so it must be concet with marrige becouse it's the highest image of any relation any emotinal relation if he love to come to you and correlate with you in front of everyone and says this is my wife, or my husband when he say in front of everyone this is the person that i avowee that is the person who deserve to give preoccupied your live, time, thoughts, and your life with strugle and mental health on nothings something isn't real on an illusion you are consuming your energy on an ilusion this is the true idea th one who respect you and love you and avowee you this is the first point, seconed you find a friend relation with him when you talk with his i dont count my word say what's inside you without any concern - yes third, you find him alot of time as a supporter as a father figure when you are tired when you have a hard times you became as a mother figure when he has a hard time you find within him a feeling a supporter you find in her cuddle, safety, home in hard times this is the third type the fourth, that i find with her the feeling of true lover being affectionate with me, being affectionate with him sometimes watch my word sometimes so everytime you want to put more give me a glass, i want to put it as an example give to me if i fille this with water water, water, i always say this example filled it with water (x2) till its full, what will happen next it will float - right why? you coused an emotional floating you get attach, talked, get around don't do, you costrained her don't work your main role is here or your main role is to be my husband don't give, you should stayed with me you pull him in from all his outside circles just focus on me so i emotionly floated him this glass will float this relation is over no doubt escape, escape everything when you give it too much will explode like a pallon so be carefull in the case of emotinal side in relationships close one or martial one ''emotional'' everythis has is value you over loved him you over loved her, over attach, over emotional you make you thought attach to him and lose your role you end it like the person you drown in water and muted you raise your role as care taker, motherhood fatherhood, that i care i should take control you drown her you always concern about your needs one of the immportant features of the attached one, will always focus in achieving the need of the other and forget his own needs ohh, -what will we called it ''the opposite of selfishness'' what is higher the desire or needs which is stronger - the needs - yes the attached will think of acheiving the needs of the other person over his needs okaay so be careful (x3) dear attached no one will value you or respect you when you don't respect yourself when you don't value yourself if you didn't put a cataloge for yourself and your world is falling and your circle is open and the roles to deal with you isn't clear your hand are opened most of the people when they found something availabe will take advantage of it will scrimpy it so by this way the emotional relation is over no doubt i want to return to these two points the first one, the mother -humm - with some of her kids favor them more you want me to say that mothers love all of their kid, they're all the same they're all wanted,they're all the same no (x4) the mother love all her kids right all of them right your question is brilliant you talk about the benfit, giving and take right? - right any moter, let's talk honstly you and me the moters i mean, you love all your kids right i love all mine we all love them in one way but there will be one of them who is close to the heart, the feelings closer by question, serch for some detals in me know my private things, being closer to me sometime subliminal in my pray i mention him even in my tender i inculde him its obivous, not like the others you get the idea he care and initiate she love them all but who initiate and give more who assure you the rule of giving and take of coure, he will be priority in many things in my mind my feeling my comfort as a mother - so we say the initiation -as a father too we discus in the previous episode when you said the wife should initaite somtimes like in ecnomic matter hummmmm there is difference of opinion this one is a problem, putting me in corners the matter of giving when you mean, we talked about giving as a wife she should initiate in someway i understant you this matter we talked about her in the corner of giving when the giving is balanecd it is not wrong the wife should support her home when we said who takes doubt or loans its wrong, its popular the idea women don't provide the man has to provide financial support its right religionly its his duty so we have to in the time of the muhammed peace be upon him ther was initaition from weman on giving like khadija ''god please her'' and alot of the stories who helped their husband and i said my BHD reserch on the empower wemen economicaly and its relation to perceive the family insurance one of the results if the man deserve the support and he is giving not niggardly '' dont give him'' if he is giving what he is got who when see you supporting your house the qualtiy of the relation will increase the nature of women, this is studies adding to the sharing , giving and take when you see your husbund has two feature the tender, all he has put in his house give in a good way to his house his rudiments in his house, second not niggaredly, has good manner with you not niggaredly you should support this one -give him - how to support him, maybe he'll not agree if he didn't agree its his well if he basically his pride wont ask in dirrect way mostly but there are alot of men put in himself that she has bond if she asked for a pocketmoney it is not wrong to ask him for a pocketmoney but in turn, put yourself in her shoes this is your home, number one for you so if you support him give him a little, in furnitures in the food, or make a seen this is genuineness from you -will increase the relation - more beauty increase its correlation am aginst the one who overshear and give this is the attached one but when you put in your house, support your husband would protect your relation so be careful, alot of massege which confusee the martial relation women now get out and work life now has is perfection and fun the intertainment now is a fundimantal i mean its not wrong if you put something for you kids and bought something , buyying something for the house something for your husband, this is the good relation this will make him support his relationship with you more support you more saying i can debend on her her presence will support me wont fully debend on you i told you the rudiments is on him not niggaredly, not machiavellian known him for years lived with him, give him, its your home its your life, the most important relationship you have the most important invesment god started the creation with the relationbetween adam and eve and they shear everything in this matter sometime, people get attached to some idea or action all of this had bad result, in my clinic i have one when he see her, she did and still give her and give and give, feels like she value the money as a treaure will he good about her - no imagine anyone in his shoes so he must deserves it a true man, support him if you realy love your home and family, support him everytime you make him used to it but balance it, in giving every excellent according to the healthy relationship how is it the healthy relation, take this as a rule any healthy relationship is a part of giving and take i give, wacth my giving be awake, i repeted many time you repeted the awaken and balance its fundamental all of these when i found myself motived by emotion as we normaly all have when i told you the needs of human love is a need, to love and be loved but when i find myself over-giving i start to think of him more than 80% of the time started to take from my energy and body my feeling, conentration here you should stop '' break'' danger signs - danger signs alarm signal reduce the flow of the consecute thinking in your brain about this person solidify your role in your life nothing will save you from any mental weakness excpet the creation of goals your existence god wrote it in quran no one is exist without a goal the goal of rising your kids, your achivment and personal goal your goal to continue your relation, go out and increase it with your surroding, family your new interance, whatever life is full of beauty the hole word isnot a person nice, goals differ like a short time goal medium range, and distant range words worth gold, nice may god please you there is a question i think anyone wait for huumm how to lose attachment i belive in god but after the doctor words i knowed iam attached person okay and i know i should change right i dont like it anymore your're saying this person have decided know he's attached and want to stop one of the technics to this situation to the attached person who knows he is attached first point watch your thought the thought in your mind about that person i started to make him conscious to this relation stage firstly you get attached started to something got your attention you started to think of him focus your senses with him focused in this person his mind occupied with his thought and started to make him distract about his role in life he couldn't saparete, little by little these thought in his mind was repeted untill it became apart of his day he enjoy the thought, talking about the loved one enjoy it, happyly thinking these thought is devastation start to induce serotonin when he's thinking of her making a conditional bond and he continue this habit untill it became a part of his live reinforce it oh, thank you, -reinforce it with songs poems -reinforce it with songs poems and potry -be happy - try to became ''antar'' or something be happy with it exaclly this is the idea he stared to practice with his thought this role we make him watch this idea watch these stages - he adimt -how did i have consciousness is the three quarters of the cure knowimg the problem - yes so he know the stages then we diggin the roots which made him attached sometime lost childhood sometime a side of his selfconfidness was low and found acceptness in this person okaay sometimes aside of the desire to having something you get the idea sometime its not attachment, but a sutiation of self competance sometime men compete to reach something its hard to know i will tell you most of the men think they love football more than girls winning, losing, the games with winner and loser weman have sheared games, in her childhood even when she is grown men always love to win things you'll see men in many side will say, i'll prove it(x2) always want to prove his excictance that i'm right i'm winning, i'll show you, prove ot to you usally men want to reach spcific state of attachment and get attached not becouse he loved he want to win we hear alot of this sutitation untill she fall in his trap and loved him and then he changed this is one sutiation of many attached to reach something he provr something to himself - want to reach - i just want to reach how, why, it don't concer you - yes -okay - promising her with marriage but then call it off this happen alot that's why we say how deserve to get engajed with to live with him the balanced love giving and take and who avowee with you infront of everyone women or men must avowee the idea of getting attached we said to know its reason roots, please take this root of attachment this needs time looking for a reason this may take sessions according to kind of expression or emotinal state of the clinet if she could express herself perfectly i may need to ask her direct or indirect question sometimes its easy for the person to know and maybe its in the subconscious mind buried in mind so we try to recall it if the person didn't know sometimes it didnot have a single reason what you mean? the concepet of love love wants to die, love now is like that love is dieing he stole me - exaclly drama sutiution i saw some casses you're enjoyying this sutuitation you're happy with dieing in love you're happy becouse wow you loved finish this stage and come wallahi they came afterword promise you do you really do this -yes you want to live the stage and prove that you really loved that i'm a person who fall in the love trap well you fall in love where did you reach with it is there any specific feature that i reach or a goal i achevied there is no result or there is a differnce culture i can't marry him my family will reject him or she isn't our blood, or we cann't take her or she is different - or there is continuance the foundation of the relationship isn't good why did you walk to it? the stories of sadness, struggle and reaching the imposiable its a decision(x2) okay now we know the reasons after knowing the reason we should work on managging the thought any thought, feeling, behiver, repeting, habits we start by working on your thought starting to get alert to your mind input you should mange it like a filter to the thoughts occupy your mind -sweet how many times did i think of this person in my day - alot in details -yes warn yourself when you think of he do something there is three patttern or behavior or technic ignorance, or replacement, or, the... ignorance, replacement or changing you should take one of them these are solutions if i think of him ignorance replacement ignorance ignorance, replacement and changing but why? if the thought about the person came instead of thinking i love him, i want him, i miss him and i didn't find him my life stopped without him start to think of the disadvantage of this relationship in my life and how it trun out -the downsides the downside of the other person. or the downsides that resulted in me in this relationship or the continuance of this relationship - yes and write it not one day or two or three at least for 21 day as a behavir role so try complement and watch, here saying it again awakeness so start to watch this thought for one time, two, three, four and write it replace it or ignore it don't respond to it i'm sorry but ignoring it , is it the oppiste of facing it nice i will tell you now why ignoring means i don't give it space it was big but strated to shrink the more time i think of it the bigger it became -yes so i ignore it when somthing hurt us our mother used to say don't think of it, ignore it, forget it right or wrong? right - we all've been tolded it the idea when you think too much of it, ot will affect you more like a microscope - exactlly like a microscope i'm amazed this is the idea ignorance is one of the technics like do some sport, ignore the thought increase you outside relationship try to focus more in your acheivement and goals go to your goals okay, displane yourself the third point of changing that i must be aware that the other perspn whom i'm attached to, is not an angel has what he has of downsides focus on the eye oof the fly i want to see the eye of the fly take the eye of the fly and see this person throught it you always see him with the satisfaction eye the love eye don't see anything you will only see what is good the lover eye only see the goods so you have to see him with other eyes let emotion on the side and think logicaly think on his downsides how do i know it know what reflect on me upon this relationship is it possible that i live my life hostage for specific thing or destroing my life - its nonsense there is a twist or hair small one between attachment and admiration the admiration in the story of yousif filled her with love right? - right the admiration in love when it float, she did unappropriate behaiver even if it was good and she was in a high rank place right or wrong? - right and she didn't want this to happen but sometime love, admiration and focussing in one thing she told him to walk in, the cutted their hands focussing , see something got their attention beauitfull, and all of that but in turn love, our god says filled her with love her emotion alot and everything when it increase it decline you a part of your values okay we have a philosophy as a specialist the time, is there a time you said 21 days to gain a habit the idea, 21 days to change the thought then let us say to move on all the time depened on the person we can't judge, but overall change in feeling or behaiver like one year or two the best is two years the worst state in your relation history when you change a feeling with a feeling -wow - you put someone to live instead of the other why? - its the worst becouse now you are been unfair with yourself and the person you are in a relation wit someone his first marriage didn't go well, and get married again immediatly wrong you have deposit, you didn't get out with the massege from the pain you didn't a straghit plan to change your life, mind or you next goals you just want this empty space to be filled whatever was the way and this is the biggest mistake you commmeted for yourself immidatly replacing a relation with other time is important you have to take your time editting your way of thinking to know what you want from love your love concepet isn't right not nice, wrong editting love concepit, the value the thought of your old relation do you remmeber in the beginning i said everything in life is a word and its meanniing when i ask you what does the sun mean to will differ from what it mean to me these are little things what affect our emotion beside attention, or gravity emotions will be affected accordind to his needs there is someone with every nice word'' some complament his apperance or his effrot or his work and so on you get the idea everyone has need and want to feel his value and you hit the sensitive chord he felt that he has a value felt accepted know it the improtant point emtpy space and filled it and this is the start second, sometime a side of discovering i want to discover something i want to get close curiosity - i want to (x2) see what is behind him happens alot i just come and see if i reach something i turn i want nothing just curiosity want to try i am still young want to see this also a big mistake becouse what is curiosity and its results curiosity is like soap and slip curiosty will take you far away there is thing you curiostiy would bring outcome curiosity in science, specific things discovering certain things logically, we study it in scientific reseach but when we are talking about individual so i start a relation so i can discover curiosity, walk with them if a girl show intrence in me making her follow me that is wrong close the door now we said your ear and eye watch what the get becareful what you get why did you say as a slip of soap where will it take me -far away habits became behavier behaiver, i want to try i want to try to take substance where will you go again i tried the first time for free i wante to try it again the third time i did enjoy it and calmed and you go enjoy more, this is your behaiver the thought attachment like who want a cup of tea, coffee and imagine her and listening to whom ever when he listen he feels a trance so i want to feel it again and again married her, the second phase of his relation starts he start to realise this phase of trance , looking outside for her repeat the beginning its a behaiver any one should be aware to himself you should know where the feeling our god said about the soul that conspire to evil assured soul the blaming soul only one find comfort two of them needs work at the sametime he says the insightful soul yees .. maashaaallah this is the most immportant verse the human is sightful if he realy want to our god said to satan'' only the deceived will follow you'' do what you want but only the deceived will follow okay a person decide to be sightful person you have no authority over my servants who want to the mistake will follow you if a person decided to change his life and get better the steps he should to that he must be aware aware to the stage he reach and its reason and then know his own stringht point yes i have strenght point i deserve the best i should not run over someone who is sitting watching me he take a step to me i will take a step to him closer to me and to you will this subject need trainning no it change, you asked me this quetion befor somtimes the singular relationship is different from someone to other its difficalte to spacifiy plan that work with every one i'm talking generally individual differ this number one number two, the decision is it has a high value are you serious about this decision walking in the right way safe just want someone to show you the way, then go if your decision isn't certain like the addictted one you will have a longing stage maybe he will have a turning may god help him that is right let us go to the final quetion we bearly reached the end for every guest we have comes with him something image, book, or a massage i recive a massage for you i want to play it if you may may peace be upon us all there is no god nut allah i'm so thankful for your hosting i want to talk in a quick point about '' elhanoh'' my daughter was different from her generation she was asking in her childhood about many things this was the most obvious feature and her countable personality so i was always listining about family relation an educatioal ways for all family member, that inspire her from what i used to hear so we have to spicify befor talking to our kids and hear them correcetly also in her childhood and teenagerhood honst, talktive, choose her rolemodel carefully, spontaneous and she wae always sticks to her opinion and she tries from the beginning of her youth not to be a burden on someone and always understandable about life and is has a great return may god pleased her and accommodate her and pays her mistakes for what is good, and make her this videos and viewers an alibi for her not excuse on her and good bye this is her mother ohh gad , may god blesses her life and make her word in my head and a light for my eyes my first teacher i mean patience is my mater energy, effort, endure endurement to reach something is my mother i return a child as am talking now she is my mother as long i hear from her any word she is the one who will always have atool on me there is no one like your parent may god blesses her life and mentain her a favor over my head over any expersion or words the father of mahmmed abdelaziz alhegil he is the persistence, adhere he is the owner of the says stations of sucess, when i told him with my sucess he says what next hanof, -nice let's go to the next my mother woud say, tiredness is a place when i come to her tired of something don't focus on what happen and i won't forget my family the father of fahad my husband who was really belived my skills and limits belive that i would reach something always by myside and still may god blesses him also my kids they are the reason why '' in a box'' may god protect parents and all of us nora daughter of mahmmad and here the talk stops may god protect them for you for all of us, may god make my parent a crown in my head may god rise our place and value in lifetime and aftertime and make us honor our parents and make us a reason for their interance haven may god guide you maashaaallah god blesses you for you family and maashaaallah you appreciate it this is a drop in a sea its nothing may god complet his grace on you and multiply of your likes may god blesses you life and may god writes the wages of this episode