A friend of mine recently did get a breast reduction. It was a female. And ladies, if any of you have ever gotten a breast reduction or are going to get a breast reduction, tell every man you know and just watch his head explode. I don't know what it is, but dudes, no guy will ever be able to comprehend the thought of less breast, okay? Our brains, like, can't process it.
And we'll never be in favor for it, too, you know? Like, no guy will ever be like, oh, yeah, congratulations. Every guy is like, whoa, I don't think that's what the Lord would have wanted, okay?
God gave you triple F's for a reason, Miranda. They grow back? What are they, canine teeth?
What the fuck? Do they actually? What are you, watering them with creatine? What the fuck?
They grow back? We need dick reduction now dude! Do they really grow back?
Let me see you respectfully. I know I can't. That's illegal. They actually do?
They're back up to cop sizes. There is a cops in here like you fucking bitch. I would kill for a B.
I would kill for a bump. My nipples look like a baby bottle pop. I would kill! They grow back?
God damn! Yeah, I mean same, same, same, same, same. Did you, but did you tell guys afterwards? No guy was probably like, understand-were you dating somebody at the time?
He left you? Unlike the tits, it didn't come back! Alright!
So you're single, but what I'm trying to say, but I'll say this and I'm sure you can agree to this. It's very simple why a woman would ever get a breast reduction. It couldn't be simpler. It's two words.
It's two words. I'll never change. My back. That's it.
My back. But we're so dumb, we're like, yeah, you're a pussy. in your crack, okay?
I've heard the song, Miranda, all right? Now is not the time for karaoke, okay? Put a rack on your back, dude. Level out, all right? Life's about balance, dude.
My neck, my back, your titties under attack. Fix it, dude, fix it. I say all this to say my friend who got the breast reduction She posted about the surgery on her Instagram, and I have her notifications on for science and She posted I didn't know this until reading the caption, but she started the surgery with triple D's triple D's dude Cups eyes had a damn stutter did it did a damn do these things Dude, they were so big she showed me one day.
I think she thinks I'm gay. I'll take it. She showed me one day And my brain just made like cartoon noises, you know?
She went like this, and I was like, waka, waka. I don't know what that means. What cup size is Bazinga, dude? But dude, I was looking through the comments on the post.
I was looking at the comments on the breast reduction post because I was bored. Horny. Same word.
I was looking at the comments. I noticed a pattern, right? I noticed a pattern. All the comments from women were very fun, loving, and supportive, right?
My favorite comment this girl left was, Yes, queen! Itty bitty titty committee, woo! A couple melon emojis is beautiful.
I was like, put that shit on a Taco Bell packet, you know? I had faith in humanity. And then I saw one comment from one dude, one piece of shit, who just commented in all capital letters and just wrote, UNFUCKING FOLLOWED and that was it. Yeah, and then she blocked me, so pretty pissed.