hi guys I'm Kenzie nice to meet you nice to meet you how are you guys today I'm good good what brought you guys in here well um I guess we've been fighting a lot um well I'm a Marcus we've been married for 20 years and uh I mean it's been a good 20 years but lately we've been arguing a lot more and it's causing stress for uh Stephanie here who's 15. okay what grade are you in um okay are you enjoying it no no why not because like I I'm okay at school when I come home like I'm trying to do my homework but they're so loud when they argue and fight do you guys hide a lot yes we do every day every day but he doesn't understand that you know I work I have to work I have to try to make help with homework whenever I can now it's not that I don't understand he doesn't he doesn't because we don't even communicate like that let's talk about so why don't each of you tell me what a typical day is for you just a few short sentences what you do in a normal day we can start with Marcus okay um well I'll usually end up getting Stephanie up for school fix breakfast for the house help her get stuff ready for work and I'll take Stephanie to school drop her off and then I'll go to the house and kind of take care of things at the house maybe work on the lawn some uh you know just typical chores okay and then while she gets home pretty late it's two weeks yes that's true I do get home pretty late but he has to understand I work from six to two maybe possibly three or four evening depends on what I have going on at my job what do you do for a living I'm a substance abuse counselor okay in Phoenix do you enjoy that yes I do okay my job when would I do and he needs to understand that you know we got bills we got to get paid um I mean I I personally I feel like I'm doing the best I can you know as far as a mother and for the wife and she's a great mother and wife it would just be great if she would focus on the wife part more I feel like she focuses a lot more on the uh mother part and the substance abuse part but not so much on the wife what do you do in typical day how's your day go um I go to school um I can't wait to go to school because them and they have to come home and like they're fighting and I just go to my room to typically start fighting right when you guys get home yeah because they've usually argued about who's going to come pick me up do you um why do you guys pick her up from school is there a bus that she could be maybe or you guys just like dropping her off better boy at the time she's in school I make work working so I I asked him will you pick her up for school you know when I'm not able to do it then gets me out of the house sometimes I mean I don't work she's the breadwinner so I don't have to work um I'm gonna take care of things at the house so I'm I'm available so I just kind of think it's my duty to spend time with her I mean it would be nice so sometimes maybe she would take off work a little earlier to spend time with us as a family how long has it been since you had a job um about 10 years okay um do you guys think that you are fighting more now because you're home more often or did you fight more back when you had a job too I I would say we fight more now because as as I feel like everything is on me I'm stressed I'm trying to be a mom I'm trying to well and I've asked you if I should get a job and you keep telling me no yeah I mean we have money to pay bills she doesn't have to work that showers she's salary so why not just leave on time I mean it's almost like the the job is more important than our relationship sometimes I'm working in trying to make keep the bills going because I like extra money to shop um okay so let me ask you something do you trust Denise I mean I guess if you say trust as in if there was another man then yeah but yeah well I mean it would if it came down to telling you things I don't feel like I can trust you with them so you okay that was my next question so do you you feel like you can trust her as a partner but not necessarily with your emotions yeah I mean anytime that I try and talk to you about my day or how I feel about things or like pretty bad when we talk about finances like if I want to go out and do something then all of a sudden it's back to that she works all the time and I just don't feel like I could trust her with my opinions and he's always kind of steamrolled by hers Denise do you trust Marcus yes I do yes I do I love my husband and I don't trust him do you trust him with your emotions do you guys talk about either of yourself I mean we don't is it just a lot of you're angry at each other do you guys talk about any of your other feelings no we don't okay I mean we've we've actually gotten this upset Stephanie we talked about divorce for a little bit and we just can't really seem to work it out okay so let me ask you what do you want out of this relationship coming in here today what is your end goal what I would like to have is for Maybe just I guess more time at home with my family I'm like instead of working all the time okay Marcus well I mean we talked about it before that that would be great to have more time with your family but you have to give that up it's something that we argue about all the time I mean Stephanie heard the argument the other day so what I'm trying to do is balance career and family together is my goal that's what I'm trying to find a way to balance it too but it's it's just I see it it's affecting my well I think it's affecting Stephanie and her relationship as well I mean how often do you guys get to talk Stephanie what do you want out of their relationship and what do you want out of your relationship with both of your parents um I just wish we go back the way we were when I was young all family we had time together and so it seems everyone wants more time together yes because I'm just hard but at the same time I'm assuming you don't want to give up your career I mean obviously one of you also has to work so yes yes and that's that's the hard part you know if I went back to work it would help with bills but I don't think that she would be at home anymore I don't think it would increase her time at home what apart from like wanting more time together what do you think that she could do for you to make you feel like more secure in your relationship I think if you took more time to acknowledge how I felt on things even if you didn't agree that if you would at least say I get where you're coming from or that I felt like you would hear me I just don't ever feel like you hear me when we talk and so I don't ever feel like I can tell you things or that I should be able to tell you things so maybe if you would acknowledge my feelings and opinions more same question goes to you Denise what do you think Marcus could do to make you feel more secure in your relationship um I think Marcus could be a little bit more understanding um if I have to work like or sometimes I want to leave but I can't and then more understanding if I've worked all day that I'm tired when I get home so things do have to be done in the house of force with the chores and other things are having to pick her up from school or practice I'm looking for statement well and I handle most of the chores so I mean maybe we could do more together he does scrape about it time to time it's looking at me like as a group maybe during therapy sessions we could move towards more of a forgiveness for each other you guys need to go to a more common equal ground it seems there's a lot more negativity than positivity in your relationships right now which can be fixed I mean there's no I wouldn't say it's helpless at this point you just need to balance the emotions you're feeling I think okay so we can work on that in our next session and we can work towards that and I would love to hear from you more in our next session and how you're feeling about all of your school stuff along with your parents relationship with you okay okay awesome thanks guys thank you thank you