Learning to Not Take Things Personally

Sep 11, 2024

Lecture on Taking Things Personally

Introduction

  • The lecture begins with an analogy of a football match.
  • The speaker is a football referee, sharing experiences and learnings.

Motivation for Becoming a Referee

  • Not for financial gain (only 20 euros per match).
  • Reasons:
    • To stay in good shape.
    • To learn how not to take things personally.

Taking Things Personally

  • Common issues:
    • Spectators often shout negative comments, making one a scapegoat.
    • Everyday situations like driving or canceled appointments can feel personal.
  • Professionally as a public speaker:
    • Audience distraction (e.g., using a smartphone) can feel personal.

Strategies to Avoid Taking Things Personally

  • Strategy #1: "It's Not About Me"

    • Shift perspective to consider other person's intentions.
    • Example situations:
      • Audience members might have different priorities or needs.
      • A child's tantrum is about their needs, not a personal attack.
    • Requires discipline and practice due to the brain’s tendency towards negative thoughts.
  • Strategy #2: "It Is About Me"

    • Self-reflection when feelings are hurt; question your own reactions.
    • Acknowledge personal insecurities or childhood experiences that might influence sensitivity.
    • Self-empathy and open communication can alleviate hurt feelings.

Application and Conclusion

  • Practical application of these strategies can improve personal and professional relationships.
  • Speaker’s personal experience in football refereeing as a training ground for these strategies.
  • Encouragement to practice these strategies in daily life for better relationships.
  • Final analogy with the value of a 20-euro note: despite what might be done to it, it retains its value.

Key Takeaway

  • Regardless of external actions or words, maintain your inner value and apply these strategies to foster better communication and understanding.