Lecture on Taking Things Personally

Introduction

• The lecture begins with an analogy of a football match.
• The speaker is a football referee, sharing experiences and learnings.

Motivation for Becoming a Referee

• Not for financial gain (only 20 euros per match).
• Reasons:
  • To stay in good shape.
  • To learn how not to take things personally.

Taking Things Personally

• Common issues:
  • Spectators often shout negative comments, making one a scapegoat.
  • Everyday situations like driving or canceled appointments can feel personal.
• Professionally as a public speaker:
  • Audience distraction (e.g., using a smartphone) can feel personal.

Strategies to Avoid Taking Things Personally

• Strategy #1: "It's Not About Me"

  • Shift perspective to consider other person's intentions.
  • Example situations:
    • Audience members might have different priorities or needs.
    • A child's tantrum is about their needs, not a personal attack.
  • Requires discipline and practice due to the brain’s tendency towards negative thoughts.

• Strategy #2: "It Is About Me"

  • Self-reflection when feelings are hurt; question your own reactions.
  • Acknowledge personal insecurities or childhood experiences that might influence sensitivity.
  • Self-empathy and open communication can alleviate hurt feelings.

Application and Conclusion

• Practical application of these strategies can improve personal and professional relationships.
• Speaker’s personal experience in football refereeing as a training ground for these strategies.
• Encouragement to practice these strategies in daily life for better relationships.
• Final analogy with the value of a 20-euro note: despite what might be done to it, it retains its value.

Key Takeaway

• Regardless of external actions or words, maintain your inner value and apply these strategies to foster better communication and understanding.