Transcript for:
Department Changes and Community Events

[Music] man you did good wow thank you we need to find a new PR director for the health department Dennis Cooper was fired today why shorty answer he went bananas long answer his wife Jan had an affair gave him a venial disease and so he put signs about her all through City Hall I'm sure you've seen him oh yeah Jan Cooper will give you chlamidia brought to you by the paon E Health Department chyia affects nearly 100% of Jan Cooper the Department of Health congratulates Jan Cooper Miss clamydia Jan I love you please come back I realize that I'm not blameless here please brought to you by the health department reelect Jan Cooper mayor of horville hey moo you're pretty thank you sir girl hey you on probation I got clean urine you need female I got female I'm good thank you hey you clean I buy too [Applause] [Laughter] I know I'm Tom and Wendy popcorn a few years ago Eagleton put up this wall along the border now it is time to tear down this wall in the name of unity I have given some former Eagle tonians the first strike take it away guys is such a great day for be be nobody panic no s me the eyeball oh man this is amazing man the stupid Eagle tonians are totally getting pwned by these bees send this straight to [Music] TSH don't worry babe I'll protect you I got stung once I'm immune go ahead and sting me bees it does nothing [Music] yeah she died like 20 minutes after that it was beautiful you're surrendering to the Earth Mother now stare into the fire and picture your spirit animal I don't know what my spirit animal is because it doesn't exist because that's nonsense because you're an adult baby snowell he's right our spirit animals connect us to the natural world you need to remain open to their message watch welcome back old friend wow if you really want to cleanse yourself of that anger take that check and send it into the flames and up into the air with with your screams do not burn that check it is money no Ron's right [Applause] Ron yeah there baby snow you're safe now Leslie could one say that a book is nothing more than a painting of Words which are the notes on the tapestry of the greatest film ever sculpted one could say that but should one join us next week when David be and will be filling in for Richard Chang Jefferson who will be filling in for me Leslie would you like to take us out okay please enjoy a song from the lesbian afro Norwegian Funk Duo Nefertiti fjord oh wow they are terrible oh yes they're they're quite awful but they are lesbians so it's 6:04 a.m. and I'm Pur happle of Channel 4 Eyewitness News and the story of this next dance is that it's called the [Music] worm the fact is this Carnival is being held on top of an ancient WAP pooke burial site much like the house in the movie Poltergeist exactly I spoke to Leslie nope of the parks department about moving the carnival and she refused we do have exclusive animation of that event let's take a look oh I love these things [Music] sorry is that what happened happened F none of that happened that is exactly what happened all right everybody just grab a bag and open it up and then try to find some dirty stuff in there what are you doing Eagleton treats us like garbage we're going to treat them like garbage we're going to take these bags of trash and we're going to throw it over to their side of the park and then we're just going to let the stink and the raccoons run wild well isn't that just playing right into what they think of you oh my god what am I thinking let's just stop this put everything back on the truck let's back it up no no no no LESA you promised we could throw garbage everywhere wow I didn't expect to see the whole parks department here although it is sadly one of the nicest spots in town I am so sick of this Lindsay wait Leslie I've got this you listen to me lindsy caral Shay why don't you take your fancy dog get in your Escalade and if you have any job openings maybe you should let me know about them come on man no I'm sick of being treated like I'm not willing to relocate to Eagleton because I am so here's what you can do lady take this resume and shove it into your Human Resources slot yeah shove it there you might have a fancy car and a mahogany purse or whatever rich people have but I remember something that you're trying to forget you're a pwy girl mhm no Leslie I'm not well then why do you come here at dinner time and get takeout from the legendary JJ's Diner it's not for me these waffles make great dog laxitives don't you dare feed that waffle to that dog to get it to poop simuk can need to make there you go Leslie how dare you get her lesli garbage fight well I just have to say I'm very surprised that the two of you are seeing eye to eye on this one well Senator Booker and I are both concerned about our nation's resources and that absolutely includes our national parks but that's not all we have in common in fact our real passion is Polynesian folk music what what Polynesian folk music our band is playing in Georgetown tonight if you'd like to come we're called across the aisle did do you get that aisle Isle like an island and then across the aisle the political aisle it's like a Pun It's a play on words I do get it we we are definitely coming to this it's $8 if you buy your tickets now it's $10 at the door fiscal conservative love this guy love this guy yeah hi I'm Leslie nope I'm Pro Parks Pro Public Safety and I'm Pro Clean Water I'm also Pro environmental regulation and I'm very very Pro local propositions 45 86 and 102f but most of all I'm Pro Pro Pony here are some other things that I'm [Music] Pro as you can see I'm in favor of a lot of things like hot dogs right Charlie I'm Leslie note and I approve this message yes I love it guess who I just secured as the headliner for the Unity Concert chip maap no yes nice wait no I don't want to touch your hand chip map is the most amazing 17-year-old country singer in the entire world he's like Indiana sweetheart we are huge Chipmunks that's what uh his fans call themselves I don't know why Chipmunks because the animal no that's too simple yeah okay his latest song beautiful like my mom parentheses support the troops has like two million hits on YouTube she don't care about no fancy she's just a mom from Old South get home safe boys and thank you for protecting our freedom [Music] let's play it again oh Mark you want those shoes shined I'll give you a discount because you're a friend of ANS well I'm more than a friend of an no for long sorry I don't know at least he finally has a real job when we were dating the only job he had was sending audition tapes to Survivor and Deal or No Deal hi my name is Andy DWI and I would be a perfect contestant for Deal or No Deal it says here there are 12 12 closets three bomb shelters five dumb waiters 2 and 3/8 baths no kitchens so fairly standard layout cool is that a Staircase to Nowhere yes it is good eye what was this place remember the pory doll head Factory this was a doll head Factory no this was a holding cell for people who went insane on the assembly line what's behind this door fire pole so this place has had hero offers people seem to be scared off on account of it being haunted and disgusting after 47 years living here I decided to move to Orlando to be closer to Disney World we are responsible adults you know what that means I know we have money and we are going to buy the out of this house seriously yes who needs rental insurance we're going to live here diabetes yuck tonight we're hoping the people of ponie dig their big chubby hands into their plus-size pockets and donate generously weird wacky stuff stop it coming up a very special video presentation called even my tongue is fat the story of ponie but right now to begin with let's start things off and our ton with a song from Pony's most bookable personality Denise yley sweet dreams are made of this hello would you like to see some rings asan H first why are you doing an accent I came up with a backstory for my character she's married to a French billionaire and she has a twin sister identical and they keep have one line well committed to the role hello would you like to see some gorgeous jewelry we have the most rare diamonds in the world I'll take that one the most expensive one not so fast H [Music] fraud oh get them Bo freeze stun double action go my puppet go my puppet fight R Focus can left I don't know what any of that means just get get the right go under the oh that's it oh you want the big dog is that what you want you want the big dog oh Fu Lucy your mission should you choose to accept it is to marry me some someone has stolen my guitar this seems like a case for special agent Bert [Music] Macklin I don't give a crap Batman you work for me increase the perimeter Macklin the president's called six times if we don't get that guitar back the peace in Iraq will be canceled get off my back Chief I'm doing the best I can I don't play by the rules but I get results dang it you're right again Macklin and I'm sorry you're the best agent I've seen and I've worked with James Bond this clue may help it was left at the crime scene you're dismissed this case just keeps getting deeper and deeper I'm drowning in the adult end of the pool and the lifeguards off in the bathroom pooping it's good right Johnny karate's guit has been stolen that instrument is worth literally $900 million but more importantly he can't play the Goodbye song without it so by the time this show is over I will find who stole it and they will pay the ultimate price a oneway ticket to the FY monkey dunk tank all that and more on the Johnny karate super awesome musical explosion show it's time to punch for him in his stupid face pun drop kick sadness into outer space it's the Johnny karate super awesome musical explosion SHO [Music]