the funny thing about Charisma is that actually quite easy to achieve Society is already pretty much set up perfectly for everyone to become charismatic at a young age I mean for the first 15 20 years of your life you're literally forced to be in a little building a little incubator with hundreds of other high energy talkative kids the same age as you from the same town it's probably the best possible place you could go to develop social skills and humor and personality traits you know the stuff that makes you charismatic when you're older and you get so much time to do it there's no possible way we as a society could mess this place up like you would have to go out of your way to actively discourage people from talking laughing experimenting playing making jokes having energy moving around singing dancing being funny being loud being confident being creative oh oh I get it now now it makes sense okay never mind let's just get one thing out of the way the reality of charismatic people is that they're not born with it you and everyone else are supposed to develop it through social interaction preferably at a young age from just getting lots and lots of actual social experience and that's why the young children who grow up to become the most charismatic are often the rule Breakers the talkers the jokesters the class clowns and the loudest and most expressive people not cuz breaking rules and being annoying and Loud has anything to do with Charisma but because those people whether it's a good thing or not don't think a lot before they decide to say things and they're willing to take a few punishments at school schol if it means they get to practice speaking their mind and being authentic it's definitely possible to be well behaved in poite and still develop Charisma there are plenty of people who do it and for me at least it's pretty easy to spot a person like that in real life cuz as soon as you meet them and you have one or two interactions with them not only do you like them but you can feel them using their social wizard tactics on you but you can't even be mad cuz they do it so naturally that you don't even realize it until later like they come up to you and they ask you for some moderate favor like hey hey insert your name here can you help me carry this pressure washer to my car it's expensive and I don't want to drop it and then you of course gladly do it without immediately realizing that one they said your name to make you feel important two they smiled at you to make you feel appreciated three they didn't ask for just anyone's help they asked for you specifically to make you feel important four they didn't say can you carry this pressure washer they said can you help me carry this pressure washer just to really emphasize that they need your help five they specified that's expensive implying that they trust you with expensive stuff which makes you feel responsible and six as a bonus to get the biggest social bang for their Buck they'll specifically go out of their way to ask someone who really cares about feeling strong to carry the pressure washer just to make them feel good sometimes this means asking the weakest person in the room to carry the pressure washer just to make them feel strong and capable or sometimes this could mean asking the strongest person in the room to carry the pressure washer because you though it's been a while since anyone's asked them how much they bench press and you can tell they're feeling a little bit underappreciated so you ask them to carry something heavy so that they'll feel good about their one special skill being put to good use do you notice how behind each and every one of these layers is a positive intention to make the other person feel good cuz it's not a coincidence that is pretty much what Charisma is most people don't even remember what you say or do they remember how you made them feel so instead of going into conversations and thinking what can I get out of this person or instead of thinking how do I get this person to like me just think how can I make this person feel good and how can I avoid making this person feel bad now this comes with a very important disclaimer but before we get to that let me show you a new tool you could use to learn social skills faster which is short form who are kind enough to sponsor this video you'll probably recognize what I'm staring at right now these are all the most popular books on social skills and communication the ones everyone wants to read the 48 Laws of power how to Wi Friends and Influence People how to become a people magnet there's basically a book for every social skill most people including me say we're going to read all these books but then time gets in the way other Hobbies get in the way and then you just end up having a massive collection of books you never read short form is the easy solution you see 48 Laws of Power here you can just click on it and then you get a chapter by chapter detailed breakdown and it's short it's concise it's professional you can take notes you can highlight and they even have an app so you can just pull out your phone and start reading and learning anywhere and it's not just books about Charisma and social skills they have books on everything business productivity Life Psychology I mean nowadays I just treat it like a convenient library and so can you if you're watching this you can actually get 5 days free and 20% off by using this link right here short.com actually I'll put it in the description so definitely go and check that out now back to my very important disclaimer do not take it to me that you should spam compliments and start kissing up to everyone including your close friends cuz that is very obviously fake and people can easily tell when you're kissing up to them across every single Source I found being fake not being authentic saying things you clearly don't mean will ttin your charisma downward people won't trust you so here's my advice number one give genuine compliments you don't really have to try that hard to do this normally if you look at people and listen to people for long enough you will notice something that you genuinely like about them it happens naturally all the time without you even trying but the problem is most people think of compliments and then get scared and bottle them up you on the other hand just have to say them out loud that's the only difference that's all you have to do just take the compliments you're already thinking of and say them out loud okay maybe not that one maybe not that one either okay just just forget I said anything number two know how to Banter banter is a thing British people say and Google the defines it as playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks if you're close with someone you should banter with them from time to time cuz it shows them you're willing to be yourself around them they know they can trust you if your friends never banter with you ever and they're just constantly polite to you you end up feeling kind of distant like you're missing out on that one last bit of authentic connection that's fine if you just want people to like you and respect you but to be charismatic to really get people to want to be around you you can't just be a polite background NPC that's one reason why you have a much harder time making friends as an adult everyone standing around the coffee machine making boring Small Talk exchanging safe compliments trying not to say anything that could potentially be interpreted as an insult so how's work going good good how about yourself not too bad just tired stopping by for a coffee that's cool that's cool I'm also uh here for a coffee wow guess we're uh guess we're coffee buddies now yes we are yes we are so uh what what's your favorite coffee I I usually just get an Americano with some creamer in it oh uh you too no no I I actually keep some packets of Colombian dark roast under my desk oh okay Pablo escabar get him but banter is important it shows people you're willing to be actual friends with them that you both can relax around each other it makes them feel like they can trust you that said you can't just start insulting people banter has to be amusing to both people in the conversation which is why banter is easier when you're close friends with someone and you already know what they find funny but even if you don't know someone that well yet you can still use it it'll just depend on the context and the conversation topic here are some things you can joke about first stuff that you know the other person won't get mad about like maybe their favorite sports team or how slow they drive something that they can laugh about or you can make a joke about their strengths you can also make a joke that's so obviously not true that everyone knows you're just playing around so I just got my license How's my driving oh you're driving you're going so far below the speed limit I didn't even know we were moving yet shut up that stuff's obviously banter that's the kind of thing friends say to each other but if you're singling one person out and just insulting them to make other people laugh or to make yourself look smart or because the joke feels too good to pass up that's not banter it's just being mean we all know how it feels someone says something and a really clever insult pops into your head this sick burn everyone's going to be rolling on the floor at this and then you see it but then you realize it was kind of harsh and it wasn't as good as it sounded in your head and it wasn't funny and no one laughed you hear that that's her social credit going down in real time anyway let's talk about another part of Charisma that no one ever talks about going above and beyond giving compliments to people is nice but anyone can do that if you really want to stand out ask people about their interests and listen to them talk people like to talk mostly about two things themselves and their interests all you have to do is just listen and don't get distracted and keep asking questions try not to fake it actually be genuinely interested in what they have to say and they'll like you more sure it takes time and it takes effort but that's what it takes to have good Charisma if you really want to take this to the next level and really make someone feel good you can mention one of their accomplishments that you know they're proud of like maybe they have a hidden talent that they never get to show off or they did something cool but never get to brag about it people like when you mention those things in a group setting but besides that here is what I think is the biggest and most effective way to make someone feel good which most people miss and that's to speak with your actions instead of your words get them a gift ask them for help with something like that one pressure washer example do something kind for them invite them to something fun ask them to hang out you want to get them to think wow really you would do that for me if you can regularly get people to feel like like that that is true Charisma speaking of favors I'm collecting donations in the form of subscribes to fund the next video [Music]