[Music] [Music] you you sir [Music] [Music] but you I loved my mother so much she was a drug addict she was an alcoholic she was legally blind she was a schizophrenic but I never forgot that she loves me even if she did all the time all the times Oh [Music] give it to me it's mine did you ever do for me I gave you light street so my so for huh show me I do this you know I do that sometimes right come on Jeannie what are you saying right city considered Islam's second holiest what is Medina Medina this director died just hours before the opening of his last hit musical 40 seconds who is our champion I wanted that smile oh god I wanted that smile so much I was pathetic wasn't giving scientific names to all organisms was devised by this Swedish Carla the hell difference does it make if you can take hairs always a big production we're inspired by a crystal tailor and Howard say they fix the lights for a change mothers are breaking again no no no I see that she's okay seek water runs downhill no no you know what the aqueduct is the aqueduct carried water to New York City for like over a hundred years it did that and then they then they closed it down but now the ghost water right it carries your mother alone oh my father hi Jerry you could sit down on a couch and talk to my father you just couldn't talk to him for long hey Jerry he knew so much he got all the answers right on Jeopardy he was the genius never answer him every time [Applause] [Music] that's the thing your parents are your gods I looked at them as an example of what I should find everywhere in the world they paid so little attention to my needs but then it felt like their need was so powerful that it didn't make me feel hurt or angry but they didn't look into me because I felt okay this this just must be the human condition to be so [Music] and then the world came in Vanilla's and kill you I did you a favor [Music] [Applause] this woman is unfit kidding look you girls have a choice to Nina's Fraser help your mother ignore her she's a feminist any school you keep living like the healthy animals is he hey hey where are you going come back here come back you're gonna go to the home and you don't go home tonight that girl's in there down take everything boss you can't hurt him anything you'll have to clean bathrooms you'll work there if you don't work here back off show [Music] couldn't they see anyone could see she wasn't so much pain and her struggle was so much on the surface so there if anyone cared to look it wasn't like she was running off from being a good mother to somebody else she just didn't have any more to give [Music] I was always the smelly kid in class Lisa stood on the bucket to shower but daddy laughed at her and said she'd have to marry a doctor she had so many expectations I didn't have any expectations and so therefore I guess i stunk and i aged from lice and it burned between my lights my teachers were always telling me not to fidget but my underwear I didn't know what to do about underwear I just worried until it felt right my teeth ached I was hungry the teachers words never seem to reach me the words just seemed to fall on the floor no I'll take it but you've been here what three times this month I'll take it it doesn't look that hard [Music] you [Music] oh this stay here you do smell you know doesn't your mother tell you they don't good no no it's my fault I just forget okay well when you having a shower tonight you want to you want to wash back here um I've been saving some things for you yeah in here how did you do that you're never in school I read a lot huh what do you read encyclopedia the lady upstairs Eva she found one in the dumpster the whole set well except for her 2's if you had asked me about our TAS I would have thought you're wrong I was just lucky all's you have to come to school okay no I mean it look it's ridiculous you're way too smart not to be here I don't understand why you don't come FL how could I tell her that school made me sad I didn't know how to talk to her I didn't know how to talk to anyone my house wasn't a place you could come out of and be normal you have to come every day okay if you don't and I have to call Child Welfare and it's not a threat it's a promise a hundred your encyclopedia good you got to make good marks you don't want to be an idiot and you're keeping up now you hear me now your mother's back well we had a nice quiet a couple of months good boy the only good thing about my mother being taken away to the nuthouse was that when she came back she was my mom again she cooked and she cleaned once she even tried to learn how to be a court stenographer for me that was the good quiet a couple of months before the drugs came back in mommy is he are you okay I'm okay okay look real good thank you homie and you're glad you're home this hospital wasn't too bad it's too green the walls and and there were bars on the windows I'm sorry yeah see that yeah I'm used to it and I'm glad you're home look I got 100 no no 400 is good hundred is perfect didn't you ever get 100 and go to school I ran away too young don't you ever run away I'll always be here for you I'll always be here no mommy [Music] I have AIDS know this they say don't be don't be afraid that they say yeah I might like is that good live forever okay I can't live here I'm gonna call home this is home no home to my one of my pops I'm gonna take you and Lisa have to stay here and I can't do it he'll be alone this this is already gone over just pack up your things and let's go no because he said pops beat you you said he raped your sister this is what it has to be no no stay here I can't stay mommy everything was falling apart I thought if I stayed I could stop it if I thought if I stayed everything would somehow stay the same just open the door it's no use no you're in there [Music] where's your mother and sister tape on where's your father he's gotta get some food he'll be right back your teacher called you're still not going to school you're never in school we got to do something about this miss Wanda warned you I wanted every one of your caseworkers is one job this has been going on for years we all said clean up this place and go to school clean up and go to school and you haven't done either one of them have you Elizabeth have you so what are we gonna do I do you going into the system I'm taking her my daddy buys me baked potatoes everything you're not paying the rent you're not getting her to school I tell her to go I told you to go to school she's got a mind of her own she's a feminist this is not a joking matter hacker a suitcase now this isn't working we need an adult who's responsible responsible my Grandpop will take me my sister's there your sister goes to school go to school go to school please don't make a fuss I'll talk to him and if he'll take you you'll be out in 24 hours and I see one you'll have time to figure out how you want to live your life [Music] [Music] figure out my life do people really do that do they do that while they're falling down a deep dark hole buzzed in locked in it was like visiting my mother only I was in the crazy house now [Music] and I didn't get out in 24 hours I didn't get out in 24 days no one wanted me they just left me there why don't you go to school that's the big problem we've got here why don't you go from what I can see you've got a discipline problem [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] bliss hi pops because your mother G come out here she's in wait for school but I wanted to see you first thanks Lisa don't screw this up we're doing okay and don't expect too much she's dying Lizzy [Music] when I think of my life this is the time I like to think of when I got back when my mother's mind was clear there was no cocaine so her schizophrenia medicine kept on working and we'd go to the cafe and sit and talk and eat hamburgers we were together even with her bad eyes I think she could see me well she could see my outline and for a while I had my mother again in a wooded park yeah I remember we use my down that hill remember you'd put down that old cardboard and we'd pretend it wasn't blood you remember that how about the tickle monster and we we screamed in laughter my house that one yeah it was a good mom wasn't it wasn't it yeah yeah well I'm real real glad well together you know you you and me and Lisa but if dad went off drugs too wouldn't it be great maybe we could even go back to University Avenue yeah yeah you'd be down um he's in a shelter you know right now I'm afraid he lost you a partner okay kind of ignored the rent so well what about my stuff got to him out all of it even my encyclopedias look I'm I'm real sorry you know they they boarded up the whole place that would there was nothing there was nothing we could do it just you know crap happens I mean look you know I got a I got a call around the corner ins and see a few friends just just for a minute okay you finish your burger and I'll be I'll be right back just be it just be a minute a minute [Music] [Music] so that was that no going back I hadn't kept anything together but only made things worse if I'd only gone to school if I'd only if I'd only so that part of my life was over I guess the new part had begun and your mother yeah I'll uh take you to your class now finally are you gonna get home okay okay I'm just gonna don't see my buddies soon will take care of me maybe I should just come with you you gotta stay in school it was a take away again cool so we have now Bert so Chris adjectives and prepositions thank you I wasn't the smelly kid anymore I'd learned to shower every day at the group home and my clothes even if they came from the thrift shop all fit but I still didn't know how to be in school I still didn't know how to be Momo people can we try to settle down Chris would you like to try diagram number 12 mm-hmm no Bobby you find him amusing Miss Elizabeth please don't call me that that's your name according to these forms Liz or Lizzie Liz or Lizzie is a nickname our nicknames no I'm afraid not Jesus call the girl she wants to be called this was a fine name it's the name of a queen the Elizabethan age was the age of Shakespeare what's your problem with it my mother calls me Elizabeth when she's going insane Lisbon Bobbie the sentence so where did you go just call me fellas I didn't how'd you pull that off I was in a group home that freaky yeah we are not a freak No it's too bad I am my birthday's coming up yeah when oh you'll know I'm gonna wear my dad's trench coat I'm gonna come to school with nothing on but my trench coat and a pair of boots the flash all the teachers happy birthday you don't believe me yeah I just know you don't [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] don't you throw that before me [Music] it's kind of cranky and we have to be out by 6:00 by the way I'm never gonna win get the hypotenuse ma ba bu to rest test until like a week think an IVA push that chicken French sure he's already some drug Li oh uh no such cute bread on the door [Music] I don't feel very good Oh [Music] [Music] she couldn't take living straight why should I expect her to take dying isn't dying the hardest thing anyone's ever done everyone's gone except you yeah so where's your Grandpa's sleep here why he's safe with his daughter hmm well I don't think like that yeah but you don't know he did stuff to her sister when they were younger she told me that why our sister not her I figure he did them both her sister crazy too yeah and their mother too that's why I didn't want to come here you know my mom's getting back with my dad I wish my mom would he does stuff to my sister you don't have a sister lucky for her did you tell your mother yeah I uh I told her when she left him and she Krista Mel said she was gonna call the cops and now she's getting back with him you know I asked her how she could do that and she said she missed him she missed him I was seven when he first stuck it in Chris Chris don't move in with me let's stay here yeah well well your grandfather's say he won't know we'll work it out so we'll never see you I mean you won't get up until after he leaves for work I mean he's like a robot anyway out by 806 out pops she has no place to stay it's not my problem your mother's dying your piece of trash father walked out stuck me with hilarious did I a spell in my old age generate what are you doing bye that suits me he'll end up trash anyway just like your parents so I left you want to go get your stuff for you leave me out here alone do any of us bargain for our lives it seems to me we just kind of fall into them and then we have to do the best we can let's go my mother was dying my father was gone but I had to believe the road would rise up to meet me I was 15 when I went out into the world what's a home anyway a roof bed a place where when you go there they have to take if so and I was 15 when I became homeless person change get a job are you doing tonight god bless your kid there's a change [Music] but sometimes I felt like I'd never had a home in my life [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] and then other times I knew wherever my mother was that's where my home was but month by month she was fading away this yeah there you go I've uh I've been staying with friends oh I miss you Pop's ax he hit me and like I couldn't stay here oh look Lisa said he stopped going to school I'm gonna go back hon and you get better they sees me he sees me on the bar cuz cuz I shake hey thank you I think that's uh that's cuz of the drinking you know you should probably stop okay okay you're gonna get better I love you I love you [Music] [Music] get over there [Music] [Music] [Music] I'll catch you later I'm just gonna fight we took up a collection she wasn't coming here anymore cuz she thinks they're always laughing at she's dead hun she died yesterday morning [Music] sometimes I feel like there's skin on the world and those of us who are born under it can see through it we just can't get through it my mother was being buried in section 51 a charity plot my mother was in there strangers had put her in there was she naked was she frightened No she was gone come on let's go no wait a minute there should be a service there should be a priest what's supposed to happen when you go we're gonna bury him that's all it's a she it's my mother there's no priest on these cases you didn't know that she's dead put her in the ground [Music] priest or no priest what did it matter she was gone she was already rotting sorry was I supposed to believe she'd found eternal peace [Music] so you come unless you're just go any weight [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] okay Liz I'm getting out of here okay Liz you know I just I can't I I can't do this anymore you know so I'm going where the group-home crazy house don't let us fit this this is crazy you should come with me yeah so see you around [Music] people died things decay everything that seemed so solid is meaningless all that's left is the gestures we make gestures in air that's what we remember I remember writing with my mother through the leaves the year-ending but her arms were warm around me when I was little and she was well that was long ago maybe it only happened once maybe she betrayed me a thousand times it didn't matter math was always my weakest subject we remember what we choose [Music] where are you gonna put the stone no stones here it's no room in a week there would be no trace of her but what did it matter this wasn't the real world we only really live in each other's hearts [Music] [Music] she lived in my heart but I lived nowhere I was all alone in the world you're sixteen years old with an eighth grade education and you're on a downward spiral that will end in a worse place than you ever dreamed we've burned every Bridge you've worn out every welcome and everyone who's ever believed in you you've let down Eva [Music] I don't want to be an idiot I want to go to school [Music] [Music] I'm Liz Maria I have an appointment at 9:30 hmm it's 10:30 I'm sorry the subway that stuff I'm sorry too but it's really too late school started three weeks ago we're just about full of kids who get here on time honey I read the brochure intensive student participation for the development of a justice community I just need one chance you can wait and talk to David but he's got this meeting right after [Music] Vanity's prep right for you [Music] public school right [Music] I knew at that moment I had to make a choice I could submit to everything that was happening and live a life of excuses or I could push myself I could push myself and make my life good [Music] okay we'll get back to you by Friday okay thank you oh it's a pleasure guys Elizabeth Liz Liz I'm sorry we're making our last decisions now I'm already late well can I just talk to you for a minute thirty seconds well there's the application there's a whole big essay question - I've already done the essay I really want this I haven't had a lot of grown-ups that have proven to be trustworthy or that they're in it for the long run so maybe I don't know how to talk to you but my parents both use drugs a lot of them I won't go near them but I guess I've kind of lived a lifestyle I'm embarrassed now about how laid-back I've been I mean I've never even really been to school except for the eighth grade but well your grades are very good in elementary school I used to show up the last week and take the tests and that's how I got promoted I'm smart I know I can succeed I just I just need the chance I need the chance to climb out of this place that I've been born in I mean everyone I know they're just angry and tired they're trying to survive but I know that there's a world out there that's better that's better developed and I want to live in it I know my mother died of AIDS she she died a couple of months ago and it was a real slap in the face I guess I always thought that she was gonna get better and take care of me it's pretty stupid huh she'd never taken care of me I took care of her she was my baby but now she's gone so now it's time to take care of yourself can you get here on time Liz I'll sleep here if I have to okay you're in but you told the others you wouldn't notice how Friday you're in David you he just changed my life fast work man we just have to file the paperwork we've got your transcripts that's just the easy stuff address phone number we have to have a meeting with a parent legal guardian get that in we're good to go [Music] [Music] dad hey Lizzie I need your help please such a production such a production why not why don't you just stay in the Bronx and then just go to Kennedy Normal School why why this isn't a normal school well it's public when it's like private yeah oh no I think I think I can do this yeah that's good I don't think I can yeah you can you can just say you're a long-haul truck driver that's why they'll never see you so we're living with your girlfriend now awesome yeah oh you gave me a girlfriend either Eve ice that's that goody he was old enough to be my mother I just I just need an address you know phone over they can call please he can't know I'm homeless I'll call the city and I'll get locked up again okay okay mr. merry I'm yeah I'm Bob Peter Peter Finiti oh yeah I never actually married Liz's mother oh okay well sit down um I'm grateful you taking my daughter in this there's a pretty nice place well we're still new we have big ambitions yeah so does Liz I guess she's a feminist well I expect you knew that already yeah her mother my mother actually was beautiful look like a movie star but her mother was also a kind of a feminist too or something anyway I thought when I met her that she was just you know hey spirited but actually she was completely insane we just need you to sign right here yep and give us contact information address and filmin yeah um University Avenue 3458 is there an apartment yep 2b 3b 3b 3b yeah that's right yeah that's right we will not move moved upstairs phone number mm-hmm oh seven one eight 555 five five five 767 - 550 767 yeah yeah sorry my memory my mind's totally shot so that's it I got stuff I got to do yeah that's it thanks for coming thank you can I start now it's refreshing to have someone who actually wants to come to school yeah all right oh I think they give you tokens you know I got a job yeah I remember when you were a kid used to bag groceries down on Fordham Road put food in the fridge oh you ate I'm not a people person you understand that you know I'm just not a people person Liz no it's got nothing to do with you you know it's not personal you came today though yeah I love you dad don't don't love me it's a waste of energy you know when when I was little you were the most interesting thing in my world what everyone was just talking about drugs or zaxxar you know just trying to survive the day but you always had ideas it's because of you I know that there's another way of being are you okay yeah yeah I'm fine they kicked Carrie fine down to the shelter you know I'm back to actually am I gonna get my own apartment you know they'd like to do that and you can come stay with me visit me anytime your own apartment ya know they'd like to do that you know like they keep the people like me out of the shelter's you know you know like keep the people the patients know people with AIDS so hey listen I know a lot has changed since Jean I got all these medicines now and I'm clean so I'm gonna live forever I'm gonna live forever stay in school I blew this but you can do this [Music] gulf of tonkin remember the Maine anybody franco-prussian war yo did you get Bismarck you didn't get this I didn't get Bismarck you and I thought Bismarck was a kind of role to Kaiser also is Bismarck of Kaiser stop talking about food you're making me hungry Dave are we getting at textbooks next year cuz I keep losing these things hmm textbooks why don't we use textbooks anyone they're too heavy good they are but no cigar have they're too expensive the school support I'm keeping my cigars today you new girl her name is Liz yeah jeez Dave she's been here a week trying to remember Liz sue me here textbook text book yeah open it up what do you see words what kind of words the words of the author no no no this is important and what do we have here a lot of other people's words why do I want you to happen because one point of view gives you a one dimensional world cigars cigars Bismarck Marx the guy who sold me the public gum and cigars why on earth would we want to confine ourselves to his story his story but isn't that the deal Dave I mean is there an official history no girl tell them what history is history is all of us all our stories [Music] that's it grab your papers I'll be in the lounge you want to talk about them [Music] it was this is yours [Music] hey new girl you let me in and you don't remember my name oh I remember your name I just like the others to gang up on your side you're pretty smart huh so are you you gave me an a-minus yeah I thought it's a very good paper how do I make it an A Liz an a-minus is an excellent mark and this is your first school working what forever if my words count I want them to be right okay well their premise is a good one [Music] whoa what are you still doing here algebra yeah well it's after 11:00 I'm locking up how many classes are you taking um the regular 5:00 and the Saturday programming the night school French and the after school science thingies 10:00 now you see why I need thee before school math it's an awful lot 17 I don't want to be 21 before I finish high school so you're trying to do what four years of high school in three two you need the before school math - okay gonna kill yourself you no no no I'm gonna live [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] I had it down the beach rain took 70 minutes to do its entire run up and back four times and I would be at school just a little early and David would let me in for the first time my life had some order I can count on [Music] [Music] Chris Chris thank you guys name we're doing here okay so how come you didn't look for me I did I've been looking for a long time you haven't been in any of our places here now great we're together [Music] last one out first one in no that describes you David how'd you get so dedicated well I'm such a privileged jerk I wanted to give something back and this is my friend Chris my best friend hi Chris I want her to come here to that's not a party you know it's a tough place but she's good enough for you she's good enough for me [Music] so what were you putting on the board we decided we would send our top ten students in the school trip to Boston cool you ever been I've never been out of New York we went to Queens once well you're going come on no way might want to top ten students oh you're not one at the top you're the top you've got the best grades in this whole place laughing so what going to Boston all expenses paid hello five days you okay Liz yeah I've just always been trash you know you're not trash this is to get you thinking about College what's college like it's all crap shut up you can come too can't she sure she does the work yeah not friggin interested Thanks come on Chris dream a little what do you want to be when you grow up boy I've been grown since I was seven I mean after high school it's okay no it's not okay I'll be a garbage man I'll be a prostitute who cares what the hell I'm gonna be [Music] welcome to Harvard guys [Music] [Applause] [Music] so does it look like you thought it would better unattainable a better Liz just people people like me why not people like me what made them so different because of where they were born I was working as hard as I could so I didn't end up on food stamps or hustling but what if I worked even more I was so close to the skin now I can touch it [Music] [Music] it would be a reach it's not impossible Don other any other scholarships that's quite a few right 1,500 words on the importance of the free market in the free world and when $500 yeah it only means 70 of those every year there was something brand-new in from the New York Times maybe I didn't put it in yet 12,000 dollars every year for four years what do you have to do attach a brief essay describing what you believe to be the most significant academic achievement and how you have overcome any challenges or obstacles can I have a copy of this I want to stand beside people on the sidewalk and not be so far beneath them I want to go to Harvard and become very developed and read all the best books that I find myself thinking what if I just go crazy you use every bit of my potential to do that I have to do it I have no choice well I know I'm early I made you some coffee one sweet and low right right thank you can I have a stamp for this that's the New York Times scholarship you haven't now that in yes what's the deadline tomorrow I gave you that four months ago Liz what are you waiting for for today for me to turn 18 it's your birthday happy birthday but you know I don't think there's an age requirement No thank you but now I can tell the truth that I was homeless and no one could come and take me away Lisa what is what are you doing here I have this interview I'm a finalist for a big New York Times scholarship but I don't have anything to wear you want my clothes nothing fancy just something I can put over this thank you mama sold my coat once didn't go to school I remember mm-hmm I cried I love going to school so much you never went to school why would they give you a scholarship because I'm homeless and I'm doing really well in school you're not homeless Liz you could stay here no I couldn't you know that talk hates you I'm going blind [Music] I'm scared [Music] [Music] unless they kicked me out of the group home you know all I stopped the can't keep spot you're not 18 yet put me in Brooklyn I don't wanna go to Brooklyn you have just let me get through this one thing and then you can come back and go to school want to go to school I don't belong there neither do you yes I do you think they let people like us into Harvard [Music] [Music] [Music] the world moves you're just a speck it can all happen without you situations are not conducive to what you want for yourself someone else's needs someone else's plight is going to be stronger than yours is you think people just get frustrated with how harsh life can be so they spend their time dwelling on that frustration and calling it anger keeping their eyes shut to the wholeness of the situation to all the little tiny things that have come together to make it what it is because I was turned so inward by my mom and dad I got a chance to see how all the little tiny things come together to make the final product so I was never inclined to wonder why this or why that I knew why not that I was happy about it in fact I was really sad about it most of the time but I was very accepting I was very accepting I just always knew that I needed to get out is there anything else you'd like to tell us I loved my mother so much she was a drug addict she was an alcoholic she was legally blind she was schizophrenic but I never forgot that she did love me even if she did all the time all the time all all the time [Music] I hope you all know how much I really need this um I can't go to college or anything [Music] she earned a 95 average and finished at the top of her class of 150 she did it while completing four years of high school in tooth she did it while homeless her mother dead her father a drug addict living in shelters and anyway I described this can't do justice to her accomplishments so I'll just introduce to you our sixth New York Times scholarship winner Liz Murray everything's changed my life will never be the same and I don't know what else to say except for thank you thank you very much this this how'd you do this how could I not do it my parents showed me what the alternative was didn't you ever feel sorry for yourself sorry sleeping in Subway's eating out of dumpsters that had always been my life and I really I feel that I got lucky because any sense of security was pulled out from under me so I was forced to look forward I had to there was no going back and I reached a point where I just thought all right I'm gonna work as hard as I possibly can and see what happens and now I'm going to college and and the New York Times is going to say but is there anything you change if you were able yep I'd give it back all of it if I could have my family back I got into Harvard I got a job at the New York Times I got an apartment I don't have to carry my whole life with me anymore I don't have to carry my whole life with me what I do everyone I've known everything I've done pieces chip off I forget the little things it's still hard to carry come on so that's why I told you that's why I've told you my story now I can lay that burden down put it to rest and and I can go on I'm on don't lose your Oh [Music] would you be [Music] what is the [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music]