brace brace I'm bracing [Music] [Applause] [Music] hello everyone hello I'm Craig Davis and this is Taskmaster it's funny what counts as entertainment these days we see people clamoring for true crime stories and anyone can start a podcast and chat about socks or whatever but what happened to the good old-fashioned tradition of humiliating people as a young man my father regularly pulled my trousers down at public events and I all all found it funny even during the backlash at my grandmother's funeral can we please get back to Wholesome fun can we it's a complicated World guys let's pull together let's identify the victims and all pile on oh here comes the victim train enough please welcome Frankie Boyle Smith by now and may Martin and next to me a man who told me his father has only ever given him one Christmas present in his life a beautifully wrapped piece of Welsh slate that had one solitary word engraved upon it that word toad well I've invented a new feature for the show oh it's called Taskmaster karaoke yes yes so all you're going to do is turn down the volume of your TVs and turn on the subtitles and then you can speak along with the show I think you can do this with any TV show I think it's a really good idea I don't know it might be a really good thing it might be fun it might catch on I deal with the news is it all well with the world should begin with the price does yes we have to because that's the format and we're simply the eye candy Greg let's go this week they've been asked to bring in the best thing you take everywhere with you but struggle to fit in your bag best ill-fitting thing wins Five Points and the best winner of the show takes them all home in a skip sized bag Greg right first up Frankie it's a struggle because I do take it everywhere this photograph of when I was doing a gag and my son wandered on stage to tell a joke he's six foot one now but had a uniquely penetrating voice as a child and I took him to the Scotland women's football game the women's well they all have their hair up in some fashion it's all kind of scrunched up in some way and he had a look around he went there's a lot of tight buns out there The Voice he had on him quite the voice and he was going to tell a joke which little did that crowd know would have been at an astonishing volume but he didn't I didn't let him do you know what the joke was that he had planned he was simply going to say the word yellow how big is it don't look that big it's not that big but I've quite a small bag foreign what did you bring in I'm going to unusually follow Frankie down a Sentimental route I've had very few points for lulls-based prize tasks so here's some goddamn feeling you sound like a psychopath I brought in one of several puzzles that I do with my daughter who is three yeah it is my daughter and I will occasionally have to kill half an hour between uh nursery and ballet for example nursery for her ballet for you that's exactly obviously the box is an absolute faff so what I've taken to doing is pouring out the pieces of the puzzle and while this is very useful for compact packing it does mean that occasionally I've just got random pieces of dismembered horse just rolling around the bottom of my bag I think I enjoyed it thanks okay Jenny what have you brought in that's massive and you carry around I get very tired Greg I don't know about you oh God you know we have no idea first time I just want to lie down so it's an inflatable bed a small dog foreign mine's the same as Jenny's a folding chair do you carry a chair around with you really occasionally yeah I saw a makeup artist do it once and I was like a sick would it help if I told you that Matthew Perry always sits on a folding chair I think I think that's true okay it's up to you to save this may it's not gonna happen whatever it is I can't wait to hear about Jennifer Aniston using it what I bring around everywhere is a very fine whiskey a very fine whiskey yeah to continue in a flask we could have a look at it this is the reason I wish I'd gone before Frankie because I also have a very small bag and I have also like a really tiny wallet um this tiny phone when Frankie said I've got a really small bag you went in my face yeah it was exactly the same as Kyle's face when Jenny brought out the bed which is better than the chair yeah that was a bed bed in the chair bigger better yeah because you can sit down in public I can lie down in public why is your photograph of a child better than a bad Frankie who gives a [ __ ] hahaha [Applause] I mean unbelievably I'm gonna give the Bed Five Points you don't even carry that don't even carry that bloody thing anywhere I mean I do like that may amazing effort okay you know they put a joke together but it's not a great one you want to hear a good joke yellow even though these prices have been rubbish right let's start the show on a high scoring uplifting why not okay why not let's say Jenny gets five and everyone else gets four why not do you have a fruit-based task to start us off to say please would have thought so ready and fetch [Music] ah hi hello welcome to the club oh thank you so much Alex hmm and you are info Graham ah yes your name is Darren you can come in you may not leave I may not leave but you may go anywhere in that direction this is the opposite of when I go to clubs trapped in VIP not a bad life an intense whip of kind of sewage yeah anyway unless it's you pile the pineapples on the path of pineapples on the par you must not get wet most pineapples piled on the path wins you have 15 minutes your time starts now this is the path that's the path that's a couple of pineapples how many pineapples there's the big gold pineapple there's a real pineapple there's a little lampshade there's an inflatable pineapple I don't really know what's on the inflatable pineapple oh it's clearly a candy floss pineapple it's a candy floss pineapple and then um well then there's a tin which I reckon has got some pineapples in correct chunks money Banker that's uh let's all right then our first two golden pineapple retrievers are Frankie and Kyle okay well that's a start a magnet's to start right oh man [Music] that sort of made things worse [Music] oh man [Music] that's bad wow you really don't want to get this near metal well let's look at this way we've now anchored that successfully [Music] come on well something happened [Music] oh yeah I'll go get some points for that oh I'm just throwing a logo [Music] Night Owl pineapple this whole time you've watched me trying to get that magnet on a piece of rubber maybe it's my technique that's wrong [Music] good for Destin's I have a uh oh no no look no it's gonna fall ah three minutes 40. [Music] something's in the water gotcha one pineapple I have to go five wait that one's floating down a bit 45 seconds Frankie [Music] oh oh he's bloody got it yes yes it was a slightly sad end hi Kyle ah right [Music] no good for you I'm glad quite an act of aggression there kicking that one plant pot over he knows what he's up to this is his life energy he hides those pineapples he'd be like hahaha did you not notice the pineapples or did you just not care I thought it was just it left and there it set up for the next contestant I don't think they were supposed to anger me in any way I don't think that we had to be on something that was magnetic I think that was bad choice I couldn't have enjoyed it more you've got twice as many pineapples as Frankie who got one if I had a good strategy for a fishing rubbish out of some sewage I be the attempts of Jenny and IVO IVO it's off to work he goes does that is that the longest it'll go yes it's it's not very good that's rubbish [Music] it's not long enough what does this do I don't think that's happening [Music] I've done it I've done a Taskmaster task [Music] [Applause] five but I can't just sort of rest on those florals my trousers are falling down [Music] I can't even hear it anymore [Music] it's so far away if I had longer arms would you just pick up the pineapple it might be use the scissors [Music] look at the wheelbarrow is a non-starter laughs [Music] oh my gosh she's coming Downstream [Music] getting even one will be at the Triumph of the century oh no oh oh okay okay oh oh I'm getting a bit wet but my only magnet retrieval wet not falling off a wheelbarrow wet okay [Music] come on Big Boy please please 30 seconds please [Applause] [Music] [Applause] where's my chunks oh no more [ __ ] pineapples height of Jenny do using her come to Mummy long arms technique that technique yielded zero pineapples but when you cut the thread that was tethering the pineapple she piled four pineapples not bad there were two little phrases that came involuntarily out of Ivo that I think will come to Define him at first I thought it was this one please please please please the escalating pleases haunted me but in fact I think this one canceled it out where's my chunks [Applause] where's my chunks tattooed on my shin where's my chunks I mean he got loads of chunks didn't he yeah we've doubled each time one two four now nine nine one left one left of course it's May Martin are there any hidden pineapples that's what I want to know like there must be hidden pineapples [Music] foreign [Music] this is pretty good oh [ __ ] no no no no no no no no no no one pineapple oh pineapple I presume yeah I like doing a task like this where I'm just on my own and I don't have to deal with anyone else's uh ideas don't miss your teammates no no yeah [Music] can I have help yeah thank you oh yeah oh what is that there's a pineapple in there five pineapples oh okay now I'm looking for hidden pineapples right you've got five minutes ten seconds [Music] all right do you have a pen and paper yeah [Music] 13 pineapples there [Music] I lost your hands yeah okay you're done mate oh no right you owe me a pen I owe you pen sorry oh no I just want to remind you that Frankie has argued with such passion that the word banana written on a card constitutes a banana and I will argue that again a drawing of a pineapple can be called a peanut hey hey hey hey wherever you go I'm ready to follow you did very well um bringing the prepared pineapples out it's just whether I allow the drawn pineapples isn't it well it's not it's not a question there are several pineapple Effigies involved here that aren't really pineapples they're a bit more real than those drawings but all words and images are metaphors for the things they represent serious in no other environment does that sentence get whoops and cheap I think most pineapples look more like the pineapple than the candy floss pineapple as well yeah but you designed for the show that's your show and we're trying to do our best on in a conventional fashion and also got something else as well to go on go on some weird reverie about how you like being on your own because your teammates just ruin it for you and then immediately saying to Alex can you help me get this pineapple out of the water drawn pineapples what what causes a banana because of the nature of language man so we're allowing the pineapples I'm afraid we are Bark's sake okay well Frankie Well Done Yet 1.2 to Kyle three to Journey four to Ivo and five to my Martin in this episode it's tight Frankie on the bottom of Five May Martin's in the lead with nine points Alex let's have a look yes I think this one's probably okay [Music] foreign oh Broly Madden here barrel full of brawleys before you do that pick an umbrella any umbrella tattoo a classic simple black oh God oh dear I know this a lot will depend on this I'm going to go big bugger very nice repurpose this umbrella and demonstrate its new purpose most inventive repurposing of an umbrella wins you have 20 minutes time starts now and that's yours to do what you want with they were all going to be discarded these are the rescue umbrellas they are rescuing Brothers we're doing our bit I hate my umbrella okay right what else could it be that's what I said again you always get a little performance flourish with Kyle so I didn't need to toss that umbrella up a real show man sometimes you know that all the time good but should we start good boy yes please okay up first it's ksb Kyle Smith by now the bank that likes to say yes foreign [Music] to what it was that's something it's like a trap gotcha what can I catch [Music] ah it's been a long day at work I can't wait to sit down and put my feet up pause time order a minute that's my family what's happened I can't hear you hang on what's that great I want to save my family bought the bed so beautiful [Music] and I didn't get any of the bread oh no that's your time up Kyle duck for dinner the Ducks are from Scotland clearly yeah because uh umbrella was starting oh that makes sense what's the backstory of the Ducks the father Duck's been out uh he was also Braveheart um that's why I had the blue face driving his car home from Battle yeah and uh he came home and his wife and children had been um duct taped yeah and he wanted to save them but there was a picture of Brad wait the duck catcher well I thoroughly enjoyed it so we're going to see two more of them now let's say hi vo to Ivo and hey to May [Music] Hello Alex hello Ivo have you repurposed the umbrella I've repurposed the umbrella come on Bosco [Music] he's a wire-haired border Brawley start with the gin and an umbrella in a repurposed umbrella I don't know if you can see his tail oh that's nice can he wag his tail without shaking his head why would he want to do that a bit of elderflower I do like elderflower traditionally we'd have a liminal lime due to a citrus shortage bit of Pineapple perfect who's your best friend who's your enemy well that just sounds like a man saying Alexander no that was 100 Bosco this is where the art of it really comes in [Music] yes okay see you later thank you Bosco come on he's still learning well thank you [Music] you meant to dilute I'm the elderflower very heavy on the Elder planet [Applause] thanks I mean I did walk him to Bosco when he started to reveal his that he despised Alex and was that your stitching work staple gun yeah May made it instantly took 20 minutes it was impressive to watch yeah it was um Ivo do you think this is a new low sorry I didn't staple gun a monstrous dog together you will be when I had the point set good yeah it's time for the final two attempts now and what up is spectacled spectacle it is as Frankie Boyle and Jenny eclair hit the catwalk [Music] laughs [Music] oh hi Frankie hey what are you gonna do with your umbrella I have turned it into this skirt and fascinator I'm wearing half the Claire um and this is a handmade hiking and right in kagool it's for those who like Outdoors maybe climb mountain and then write a poem at the top wow it's surprisingly good I've gone mull over that car yeah wow nice to declare employees quite a sassy runway model I thought looked pretty good at all her own work oh really from Paris I had a pocket for my notebook for when you write poetry up the mountain up the mountain and the metal frame of the umbrella what was that for that was for um warding off anything that needed warding off when you're up the mountain up the mountain looking a bit sexy in my in my hiking and writing kagool I couldn't write it is that what you're hiking and writing I thought you were speaking in German hiking and writing and warding off the boys you've um I hope this is appropriate it's got a good sturdy set of legs on you Frankie thanks sure it felt like waiting to watch that when I was a kid a local library had a Christmas drawing competition an Idris Snowman and they put it up on the wall and then everyone else is started to go up and they were like really good and when I saw a maze entry there that's how I felt I felt like when I'd gone to the library as a little boy and said could I have my snowman back and they said no oh thank you come on you are the fascinator well you've seen all fine I have least inventive well I mean just tossing a loads of drinks into it less inventive than two people both making clothes out of it yep I'm gonna give Jenny two points because Frankie used a whole umbrella but I just think that Jenny was left with the frame of the umbrella and just carried it around boarding off the boys towards off some toys okay two points to Jenny three points to Frankie great inventive's the word so Bosco the dog can only have four points on this occasion because of the complex narrative surrounding Scottish [Applause] do you have another one on standby ah I don't know sorry I had a bit of a wobble there here we go [Music] morning jelly yeah with a duck in it of course jelly mold it's jelly Jenny yes this is foreign this is funny to me already great nice little jiggle yeah put the most stuff on top of this jelly without breaking the jelly without breaking the jelly depending others and jelly touches a duck you are disqualified heavier stuff on the jelly exactly 10 minutes from now wins put the most stuff on top of this jelly without breaking the jelly heavier stuff on the jelly exactly 10 minutes from now wins yeah this is vintage are you starting to get bored of the format that was day one that was the first task let's just get on with it you've got to balance a load of heavy stuff on a jelly right yeah and I think it's appropriate if we start with Ivo all by himself agreed yes I think pacing the jelly will stop it pushing outwards yeah I I I like that actually I guess I might ask you whether you think those bricks are balanced on the jelly a bit of a interesting physical question isn't it what do you think I think if you took the jelly away the bricks wouldn't move that's undeniable the answer's in the wobble isn't it the answer's in the Wobble the answer's in the wobble where's the wobble Tom fine I mean there's even a bit of a surface incision if it was a wound it would heal within the week 40 left yeah I suppose [Music] oh [Music] [Music] why don't you talk me through your Technique obviously watching it back the jump from naught bananas to six bananas was aggressive yeah you said you said after because you should have taken a banana by banana approach yeah or even broken the banana down into um who's next okay well how about May and Kyle next here we go the most stuff that's a start I'm gonna test the strength of the jelly I want a flat base that's going to sort of displace the weight so that I'm I'm pressing on the widest possible surface area sounds like you've done this before I've done this a couple times yeah yeah yeah ah we're talking physics are we yeah oh it's sticky the jelly what flavor is this Lemon Jelly I hate it okay all right bounce off there's no way this is the best flavor you could find oh yeah very light yeah lovely okay that'll definitely work but it's not enough it's not enough oh my God if I can get that exactly on the middle [Music] wait what's happening to the dog oh no no no no there hang on that oh some things have happened A lot's happened it's what's on there exactly 10 minutes after I started well in that case I'll just wait I might just wait to the last possible second will you tell me what I've got 30 seconds yeah there's a clock here oh what should we do till then Ruby I don't know if we could do rugby just because of the Crockery I don't think the duck is touching the record I would argue but I've really Disturbed the Integrity of the jelly yes you have 50 seconds all right let's do this baby [Music] 20 seconds it doesn't look like it used to look I think it's the heat in the room wow 10 seconds anymore no thank you I'm sweet enough when my brother was sick you can't be touching it [Music] [Applause] was a duck compromise at all but in the slightest he's having a lovely time he doesn't even know what's going on all right all right it started off a very scientific approach from May talking about displacement whereas you pop the task card on top of it and went that's the start soon we were talking physics yes from that point onwards it didn't look very scientific me what happened oh jelly started breaking did you not consider putting a bowl on top of the jelly and just repeatedly saying the word there yeah how did it worked but Kyle got 1773 grams on the jelly that's one Chihuahua two people left to go and it's Frankie and jelly gripped by an overwhelming sense of Crisis thank particularly heavy can go on there I should start with maybe layering up I've got a necklace I've got my pants I've got a shoe I've got a watch I've got a watch I could argue that the definition of heavy and then put things on there would that be cheating will the things be on top of the journey I don't know Alex because I was going to stand on top of that well you know yeah well I wouldn't mind watching that I what I don't want to do is weigh me public ly if you do weigh me you have to do it in kilos because I don't understand kilos well don't I have to hold this like that obviously the jelly is plugged in right go I'm slightly worried about that taking my weight and it collapsing and the the Tupperware splintering and then I go through the jelly maybe a cushion here we go you don't get much heavier than this the third law of thermodynamics means that the universe will eventually end to the phase of heat death with all life and all energy extinguished one two three they're off they're off so this is this is as far as I can go [Music] oh [Music] I was on it when the whistle went yeah and the totally's fine Jelly's fine thanks for sitting on the jelly Journey there's no problem I enjoyed it there's clubs that caters kind of thing you know right right thank you first things first let's talk about Jenny's were you on the jelly because on top of it I might argue that you were on a box well if I'd sat on the jelly it would just split physics [Laughter] it all seems trivial next to the heat death of the universe don't worry you're safe so to be absolutely clear I very much enjoyed watching you balancing on that box and I I'd probably pay to see it it's not a lot of money but I'd pay but I don't think you were on the jelly so it's just a question of whether that quote is heavier than a chihuahua the destruction of the universe is about as heavy as it gets right first sentence was put the most stuff but he's put the concept of the whole universe how much stuff do you want the toddler of thermodynamics encompasses all the energy in the universe that's more than your bowl and your [ __ ] sponge I've got to allow it it's the heaviest thing okay and we're saying zero points to Ivo May and Jenny I didn't break the skin as the jelly that is true let's give her a lovely charity one point so in summary it's zero to Ivo zero to May one to Jenny four to Kyle and five to Frankie Boyle oh seems very measured to me well done Greg good Frankie has not won an episode this is your chance Kyle's in lead with 15 but Frankie has 13 points in joint seconds to the show oh look how happy Frankie the clown is who's going to read the task well it's a team to ask and Frankie Boyle's going to read it using only the scratching posts to remove as many balls from your soup as possible your teammates May throw balls from the throwing spots throughout the throwing spots may not be moved fewest balls in a sit after two minutes wins also if you're in a team of three the two non-suit wearers must hold hands throughout the two minutes so what's gonna happen is that may and Frankie going to use these scratching sticks the other three will be on the throwing circles Frankie will be near the team of Threes throwers so they can throw balls onto his suit as he tries to scratch his balls off that's a nice very nice sentence so Frankie and may please make your way this way down thank you thank you oh there's lots of Velcro on their bottoms I see anything you want to say I think I really should have had a few less joke scandals and not ended up in this position so they are starting with 25 balls on their suits two minutes good luck and they're off [Music] they don't come off too easy [Music] [Applause] [Music] what's up well you can do that and he has done that oh Frank his suit has popped open yeah [Applause] [Music] [Applause] three [Applause] the final score what a thriller yes well I think what happened was that the team of three decided to hold opposite hands so they both had their throwing hands out and that's what won it for them they managed to land more balls on their opposition than poor old Ivo I loved it there wasn't even any drama to reveal include one we all know they won yeah oh I forgot I should have mentioned that by Miles yeah there were 29 balls on Frankie at the end 25 to start off with 17 left on May so they get Five Points how many for the team of two three three fair enough three points should I tell you how that's affected the episode scores Scott will you I will oh it's my favorite Greg they've all got even numbers on 12 and at the top of the pile it's Kyle wins please so what have we learned today we've learned that if you want to achieve something in life use your intelligence use lateral thinking use gut instinct if you will failing that maybe give this a go please please please only please that's marvelous tonight Twitter wants more it is Kyle Smith's spider [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] for more Taskmaster subscribe now [Music] foreign