Lecture by Esther Perel on Relationships and Relational Intelligence

Introduction

• Frequent questions: Who are you? What do you do? How did you come to this? What's your day like?
• Focus on asking questions, letting the audience think.
• Aim: Move from one story of your life to a different perspective.
• Avoid being a model who has it all figured out; life is a continuous journey.

Personal Background

• Married for 34 years, 2 sons aged 20 and 23.
• Believes in having multiple marriages with the same person over time.
• Psychologist with a focus on couples across cultures.
• Raised by Holocaust survivor parents, distinction between those who merely survived and those who came back to life.
• Influenced by the idea of eroticism as a life force, beyond just sex.

Creating Meaningful Conversations

• Focus on creating truthful conversations about relationships.
• Contributions through various creative projects, including a podcast "Where Should We Begin?"
• Podcast Details: 10 unscripted episodes of anonymous couples' counseling sessions.
• Goal: Use others' stories as mirrors for our own lives.

Insights on Relationship Dynamics

• Eroticism vs. Sexuality: Interested in the deeper meanings and experiences rather than just the act.
• Couples often focus on performance rather than connection.
• Importance of integrating the experience of the other in conversation.

Challenges in Modern Relationships

• Communication Issues: Frequent defensiveness, misalignment in desires and actions.
• Sexual Dynamics: Often outcome-driven and lacking true connection and pleasure.
• Emphasis on non-genital aspects of intimacy such as touch, smell, and voice.

Relational Intelligence

• Defined as the capacity to be considerate, empathetic, and truthful in relationships.
• Marriage viewed as an