Transcript for:
Understanding Behavior Profiles Through Colors

opposing a more reliable system you don't have to gamble or guess you can make the right adjustment from the beginning but please note usually no system is perfect some people I meet don't like the idea of deliberately adapting to others they consider it dishonest and manipulative but again you can always abstain an example from real life I'm going to tell you a true story about a man I met during a training conference many years ago a likable and very popular private entrepreneur who achieved great success in his field this man let us call him Adam was extremely yellow a real Visionary with ambitious plans that were only occasionally put into effect Adam had never thought about or reflected on how he behaved as a person or how he was perceived by others there had never been any reason to someone had persuaded him to come to this conference and he didn't really know what he was getting himself into the topic that day was the same as this book it was a full- day workshop where we worked on how to understand different Behavior profiles after the lunch break I saw that something was troubling Adam his face was serious and his body language had become very closed when I started talking again and explaining the various profiles he sank deeper and deeper into his chair and it was obvious to me that he was thinking about something else I asked what was troubling him there was an explosion he exclaimed this is wrong how could I categorize people like that put people into a theoretical grid system it turned out that he didn't like the idea of adapting to other types of people but not because he thought that everyone had to adapt to him no what worried him was that he saw it as a way to manipulate others and he didn't like it didn't like it at all in fact everyone wondered what the real problem was Adam believed that you couldn't categorize people this way that using a lot of models was just wrong he thought that it was highly dangerous not to go on pure feeling someone in the group made it clear to him that he of all people should listen since he was the one who attracted conflict the debate was soon in full swing and after 30 minutes I had to call a timeout I can understand Adam's concern and I respect the fact that he raised the issue what worried him was that it wouldn't work if everyone adapted to one another no one would be themselves any longer in his way of thinking that would be the greatest deception not to be yourself there's something in what he said at the same time of course you can always choose how much or little you modulate your behavior the more you learn about other people the easier it becomes for you to make decisions join in the game or Go Your Own Way the decision will always be yours furthermore Adam was also deeply resentful that I as a specialist in the field could describe him in quite some detail and give examples of how I thought he was wired when he looked at the assessment tool that describes an individual he went completely silent ultimately after we sat down and discussed the matter Adam came to understand the role and benefits of behavior assessment but he taught me to be careful with how I use this knowledge how often do we follow a system without knowing if it works no system is perfect there are always always exceptions this is just one piece in a jigsaw puzzle of human life it's certainly a large and important piece but it's far from the whole picture I've divided up the sections on adaptation into two parts for each color the first part deals with what you need to do to interact meaningfully with another person when you really want to get through to him and put him in a cheerful mood and make him feel that you understand him the second part deals with how you get people to take your side what each profile wants in a situation isn't necessarily the best thing to do to make progress you can do a great deal of good if you choose to do so adapting to Red Behavior what a red expects of you do what I asked of you as quickly as possible preferably even faster than that if you ask a red he'll agree that most people are too slow they speak too slowly they have trouble coming to the point and they work ineffectively in a Red's world everything simply takes way too long remember what I told you about impatience and red Behavior about their constant pursuit of fast results when other people turn things over in their minds from morning to night it drives a red crazy thought and action are one it has to be done quickly if there's anything Red's dislike it's endless discussion it makes them flip out conclusion if you want to adapt to a Red's Tempo hurry up speed up speak and act more quickly look at the clock often because that's what a red does if you can conclude a meeting in half the time do it if you have a red with you in the car he won't be upset if you're a little bit over the speed limit if you drive too slowly he might insist on taking the steering wheel do you want something speak up as you now know Reds are very much to the point and they enjoy being with other people who also have the ability to tell them what they want quickly if you have a tendency to go around in circles before getting to the Crocs of the matter you'll have difficulty getting through to a red he'll get tired if you waste your words without due cause and he knows when he's dealing with a chatter box it's very common for people to provide some background to a problem before describing the problem itself and maybe even some more background to the solution of the problem forget it it won't work conclusion if you want to have a Red's full attention cut the small talk it's vital that you're clear and straightforward determine the most essential point of your message and start there let's say that you're going to present the latest financial statement say what's written on the last line of the slide first that's what a red is sitting there waiting for anyway then you can get into the details don't use a single word unnecessarily but make sure you've done your homework when it comes to the background questions may come up if a red senses that you're uncertain you'll be grilled on the facts written materials should be concise and above all well laid out no endless dissertations written by someone who loves the sound of his own voice a single line jotted down on the back of a napkin will do the job I couldn't care less what you did on vacation Reds live in the present everything that happens is Happening Here and Now they have a unique ability to focus on what's on the current agenda thus you need to stick to the topic when you speak to a red he has no problem with creativity or new ideas this is always appreciated as long as it moves you forward but when a red feels that you've left the agenda all together and are beginning to Fiddle Faddle then conflict isn't that far off the most effective method for a red is to establish what the problem is and then just get to work simple isn't it conclusion stick to the topic the easiest way is to prepare your case very precisely before going into a meeting with a red if in the middle of an interesting discussion another thought pops into your head write it down and ask at the end of the meeting if it's okay to raise the issue otherwise schedule a new meeting if someone with lots of red in his behavior asks what time it is answer the question with the exact time don't say that there's plenty of time he'll decide that himself and again don't forget to keep up the pace for a red speed will be synonymous with efficiency now we're talking business never forget it being business-like in business doesn't really sound like a novel idea but think about it if you're a seller you've probably attended a number of training courses in sales where you learn that you have to build up a relationship with a customer get to know him win him over to your side this is good advice do it build relationships as much as you deem necessary just don't do it with Reds for example if you begin a meeting with a red whom you've never met before nothing could be worse than asking where he lives where he spent his last vacation or what he thought of the game last night nothing could be more irrelevant to him he's not here to chat or make friends he's there to do business deeply R individuals become downright irritated and aggressive when they notice that someone is trying to be friends with them a red is not here to be your pal he's only here for one reason to do business he might throw you out figuratively speaking if he perceives your attempts to be friendly as ingratiation or fawning this isn't something something he would dream of doing himself so neither should you and don't flatter a red if you don't know him well just leave the compliments at home conclusion paradoxically Reds are the easiest to sell to if you want to do good business the only thing you need to do is step into a Red's office present your suggestions and then ask about a deal skip the football game yesterday never mind that you saw him in the supermarket last week he didn't see you anyway when a red trusts you and has decided that you're a decent person who can be advant to him well then he may very well start discussing cars boats or the latest politics play ball with him but then and only then and don't be surprised if the meeting ends mid-sentence when he's satisfied with his socializing he concludes it instantly it has nothing to do with you he's just tired of conversation you don't actually know then why am I wasting my time with you it may sound like a contradiction but a red would also like you to be determined and direct although he often demands that he make all the important decisions himself he strongly dislikes dealing with vasilla people dancing the hesitation Walts does not instill trust comments like it's hard to say it depends or I don't really know what to say just frustrate Reds if you have an opinion out with it Reds judge you on how driven you are you should listen to them of course but you must have an opinion of your own otherwise you're weak and that's not a quality that will win you any points keep in mind that we all like people in whom we can recognize ourselves a red won't eat other Reds every day so when he actually does he's pleasantly surprised an equal wonderful I have met Reds who have rubbed their hands gleefully before starting a heated debate conclusion deliver your opinion without blinking in the end you might have to concede but never sell yourself short a red can Rattle and Rumble stamp on the floor raise his voice and shake his fist many people back off in the face of this Behavior it's not pleasant to be shouted at is it well well the worst thing you can do is back away and let him walk all over you if a red is permitted to walk over you you lose something very important in his eyes respect if he doesn't respect you he'll eat you alive and walk over you again and again and again until you become completely and totally marginalized you won't be someone to be reckoned with in the future a complete doormat the best thing you can do is Place yourself in the center of a storm telling him that he's wrong when a red discovers that you won't give in he will turn in an instant if you know what you are talking about that is you can sleep when you're dead if you have a boss who is Red he will work hard maybe harder than anyone else you've ever met he will have many irons in the fire at once and he'll have complete control over everything that's happening a red can live with the fact that everything won't be right the first time but he will demand that you work hard you should be diligent in everything feel free to put in overtime if you can I urge you not to become a workaholic life has more to offer than work but from the perceptive of a red boss this would be a first class quality he will hold you in high esteem if he sees your commitment in the form of hard work conclusion show that you work hard you don't need to run into the Red's office every 5 minutes informing him that last night you stayed at work until half 11: he might not even be impressed he might just ask you whether such a trifling little task like that warranted the time you spend on it but you should report back regularly about what you have done and present briefly the result of your efforts be willing to take Initiative off for suggestions that the red didn't ask for as usual get ready for a fight but he will like that you are driven please note the wording in the preceding sentence it doesn't say that he'll like you because you are driven it says like that you were driven a red boss may very well like you that's sometimes the case but don't expect lots of glowing and pleasant praise how to behave when you meet a red you don't have to completely adapt to how Reds want you to behave that would be surrendering there are several other things you need to keep an eye on in order to aeve achieve the results you want because Reds have their faults and failings but often turn a blind eye to them you can help to achieve a better result if you know how here are some points to keep in mind details boring essentially Reds dislike getting into details it's boring and takes time thus Reds tend to be careless about small matters you can accuse Reds of many things but meticulousness isn't typically one of them for them the destination will always be more important than the journey so Reds will do just about anything to achieve the desired results Reds won't naturally stop to consider the small things or analyze their method conclusion if you really want to help Reds do better work try to demonstrate the benefits of keeping an eye on the details explain that the results will be better and profits larger if they just consider a couple of small but crucial elements of the project be prepared for the huff and puff and a general unwillingness to act on your advice but if you're good at arguing your advice will be followed as we know Reds are good at pushing themselves to the Limit just as as long as they make Headway quick but often frightfully wrong as I have written several times before everything in a Red's world is usually very urgent you can figure out for yourself the risks this entails putting the pedal to the metal may seem like a good idea but only when everything else and most of all everyone else is on the same train normally Reds Rush ahead of the group only to get annoyed when others can't keep Pace but red needs someone who can get him to PA and realize that not everyone has grasped the situation as quickly as he has he'll never be able to carry out all the phases of a project on his own even if he believes he can and probably will attempt to he still needs to have his team with him you've probably heard the expression quick and wrong conclusion give examples of instances where time was lost by being too hasty point out the risks involved in hurrying too much explain that others can't keep up and point out that it would be great if everyone knew what the project was about don't give in assert that not even he can manage everything himself force a red to wait for others afterwards try to discuss the event and show clearly and distinctly what was gained and how much the red has profited by taking things a bit slower let's try a few completely untested ideas and see how it goes should we really do that red individuals aren't anxious about risks many Reds actively search for risky situations just for the thrill of it in fact what others might perceive as dangerous Behavior or red wouldn't even think of as risky hey life is risky you won't get out of it alive however Reds do need someone who can weigh the advantages against the disadvantages disadvantages are boring of course so a red individual will often simply ignore them since the answer to what risks you take often lies in the details your approach should be similar to the way you handle discussing details with a red conclusion Reds calculate risks by constantly looking at the facts facts are something they understand since Reds prefer not to Look Backwards old and tiring and focus on the present and the future a plain and honest exchange of experience may be called for give examples of situations that historically were shown to be dangerous it can be about business risks going downhill skiing without a helmet or calling the boss an idiot prove things with facts and demand that the person thinks twice before deciding to take on a new project without first having checked the conditions as usual you're right stick to your guns and don't give in I'm not here to be your Palestine or anyone else's for that matter since many Reds are less relationally focused they're frequently criticized for insisting that all relationships must take place on their terms even in private life people around Reds frequently feel that they're being steamrolled by their friends or co-workers it's rarely the Red's real intention it's just something that happens you can't make an omelet without breaking eggs and so on reds may not understand that others are avoiding them because they would rather avoid conflict this also means that Reds can be excluded from important information they may not feel excluded if they're invited for a beer on Friday evening but it's far worse for them to feel left out of important decisions in the worst case this can lead them to suspect the people around them are deliberately withholding important information the power struggle is just moments away conclusion Reds need to understand that the road to full transparency is to adapt to others that thought may never even have crossed their minds they're mostly focused on themselves and their own thing but by realizing that no one can manage everything alone they can be prevailed upon to pause and actually care about other people when a red understands that many people think it's important to chat about their child's first tooth how the cabin they rented on vacation was furnished and about the boat they're dreaming of buying he can listen actively and contribute to the discussion once a red understands what all this small talk is about the door is open you may even learn something about him what kind of weaklings are you just handle it RS just get angry it can't be said any clearer than that their temperament is such that it detonates every now and then causing migraines for everyone around they don't notice it happening themselves screaming a little bit is just another way to communicate no one likes a bully but not everyone is willing to say so when a red tramples on someone's toes you must tell him nicely that it doesn't work like that he'll put on an innocent face and pretend that he doesn't understand what you're talking about secretly he'll be thinking that if some people are afraid of him well that's just tough conclusion you should confront his behavior immediately don't allow any exceptions just say loudly and clearly that you won't tolerate coarse remarks nasty and uncalled for Tantrums demand adult behavior and if he loses his temper just leave the room it's important that you never let him get his way just by barking his head off just remember that this is a technique bickering and brawling that has worked for the red for many years as a child he might have gotten his way by quarreling more than likely his family experienced his explosive temperament in his very early years and you can bet that they just succumb to avoid the air raid siren very few people have confronted him about this meaning that the demand for calmer conversations could easily lead to even louder protests the one thing a red detests more than anything else is being told that he must lower his voice adapting to Yellow Behavior what a yellow expects of you isn't it nice being here allog together in essence yellows are not afraid of conflict if something goes wrong they can really blow a gasket but if possible they prefer a pleasant and cozy atmosphere yellows are at their best when everyone is being friendly and the sun is shining a yellow however can be very sensitive to whether people are in good spirits or not if the people in a group are in bad spirits and aggression is pouring down like from a cloudburst he won't be happy at all conclusion a yellow functions best when he is happy and content his creativity is at its Zenith and all his positive energy flows you should strive to create a warm and friendly atmosphere around him smile a lot have fun and laugh listen to his crazy jokes laugh along at all his childish remarks and Kindle the easygoing and happy go lucky atmosphere if you do that he'll feel better about you and listen to you more which is always a good thing a yellow in a bad mood is not much fun to be with I asked someone to fix that tiny detail I can't remember who though keeping a yellow's interest is in all honesty not the easiest thing to do there are many things that bore the socks off a yellow employee customer friend or neighbor a foolproof method to put a yellow to sleep quickly and efficiently is to bring up lots of details don't do that a yellow simply can't cope with details it just gets boring not only will he forget what you're talking about but he'll also simply think that he doesn't need any of those details his strength lies in the broad brush Strokes you can easily ask a yellow to draw up a vision for the next 10 years but don't ask him to explain how to make it happen conclusion if you want to keep a yellow's attention strip away as much of the minutia as you possibly can always start with the big questions it's perfectly fine that you know how to install the latest Surround Sounds system but don't Tire your yellow friend with it it's not for him he just wants to know how to get the music started it's just like with Reds if not worse yellows don't care about how things work only that they work so put away the instruction manual they'll never open it follow your gut it works every time if I had a dollar for every time a yellow has explained a totally crazy decision by saying that it felt right I could be sleeping at the Ritz there's a study that shows that some people make better decisions if they only go on gut feeling whatever you do never mention that to your yellow friend or you'll never hear the end of it it must feel right a yellow can readily ignore the actual facts so long as it feels right don't misunderstand this a yellow understands perfectly well that some people look at facts and that this is important he's not stupid it's just that he's not interested he wants to feel his way do you want to get a yellow to make a decision try to put the Excel spreadsheets aside lean forward and say with a broad smile how dides does this feel he will understand exactly and you'll get an answer conclusion just accept that a yellow feels his way he has a high tolerance for uncertainty and isn't overly afraid of risks adapt to it you can get through to him by showing him that you two follow your gut no matter how wrong this might feel to you this is the way to a yellow's heart he'll recognize himself in you you'll become the best of friends the sun will shine on you this car is a prototype the concept complet untested no one has ever done this before perfect while a red focuses on speed a yellow focuses on the latest and greatest new is synonymous with good all yellows know that and why not without creativity and new inventions all development would simply grind to a halt right Everyone likes having a little excitement in their everyday life the difference lies in how we Define exciting for a yellow new means exciting yellows are so so calleded early adopters the very first to try out new things check out who is wearing the latest fashion who is the first to drive a new and preferably unusual model of car who has the latest cell phone and who knows what restaurant will be the newest sensation in a few months how can they keep track of all this don't ask me they probably devote some of their time at work to keep uran on all things new and interesting but they're also early in implementing new work methods and New Concepts to sell goods and services it's just great fun conclusion allow a yellow to devote himself to the latest thing he'll love it if you want to sell something to a yellow use expressions like state- ofth art newly developed and never before used your potential customer will really get into gear no one else has ever tried this I have to have it he'll like you because you're so exciting and so interesting and above all Innovative equip yourself with lots of energy because it can be challenging to keep up to date but yellows will adore you however be prepared to be replaced rather quickly if they find someone else who is even more knowledgeable about newer things you seem interesting want to know who I am by now we've established that yellows like other people they function best if they surround themselves with a crowd of course yellows don't like everyone they meet but they will give the majority a decent chance you need to show a yellow that you are just as open and friendly as he is if you're way too closed and private he'll feel unwelcome why didn't you reply when he spoke to you why didn't you smile at the Funny Story about his dog why doesn't he know anything about you where are your dreams insufficient personal connection can result in a strong sense of insecurity and your relationship won't develop in a positive direction if you're red or blue you need to think carefully about how to get this to work if you want to of course conclusion become approachable demonstrate that you're available smile a lot be sure have open body language when a yellow wonders where you grew up don't just respond with New York say that you lived in Chelsea and that you loveed jogging Along The High Line and that a pickpocket stole your wall at once while you were walking down Fifth Avenue and that you met the love of your life when she accidentally dropped a plate of fries on your pants at a restaurant it may seem a bit unnecessary but you should definitely show interest in the yellow as a person admittedly it won't be difficult to find out things about him because he'll freely tell you a great deal but be sure to show that you are curious and interested and remember that yellows are very susceptible to flattery how to behave when you meet a yellow to keep a yellow in good spirits you need to rub him the right way the problem will become obvious after a while they won't get that much work done I've looked at a group of yellows who were trying to solve a problem they all spoke at the same time and had a great time and when you asked them how things were going they said fantastic but nothing got written down to really make Headway with yellows you need to do more than just create a great atmosphere once you've tuned into their frequency you need to do the following learn to tell whether a yellow is actually listening I'm just going to say it like it is yellows are beyond the shadow of a doubt the worst listeners usually they will never admit it the very expression itself awful listeners is something negative and they'll do anything to avoid negativity many yellows really see themselves as good listeners who knows where they got that idea it's simply not true of course there are yellows who listen when it suits them or when they've already gotten what they wanted out of a conversation but in most cases forget about it they don't want to listen they want to talk yellow simply think that they can express everything far better than anyone else the problem is that they neglect to listen to what anyone else is saying conclusion when you're dealing with yellows there are certain things you need to do it doesn't matter if you're speaking to your partner about your summer vacation or to a colleague about an ongoing project you need a plan of action you need to have prepared yourself carefully you have to know what your message is and exactly what response you need from them you must persuade the yellow happy person to answer your questions very concretely and hear him say yes I will be there at 4 just as I promised or of course I'll notify the customer exactly what we have agreed to but big but be prepared to follow up if it's important because the yellow didn't write down any of it unless you manag to persuade him to write it on his calendar of course that would be the best way but in all other contexts you should expect that what you've said is gone in one ear and out the other learn how to respond to no problem that won't take long at all yellows are optimists starting time that's just the way it is sure your work can be done quickly but rarely as quickly as a yellow thinks this has to do with the fact that he simply can't plan or structure his life I've personally worked with people who legitimately believe that they could manage eight meetings per day who thought that it only took 2 days to renovate an entire kitchen and that it is possible to walk across Manhattan in 20 minutes these are typical manifestations of a yellow's optimism the problem is obvious it's impossible to accomplish everything a yellow wants to do particularly because he doesn't even know how long anything takes and even if he does ask someone how long it takes he doesn't listen to what the person says because what he's saying is wrong after all the yellow believes he probably knows best the other problem is that he won't get into gear when he should do you know anyone who has taken a day off to paint the bedroom and at 3:00 in the afternoon hasn't opened the can of paint yet I'll just do this first then call so and so then pop out for a bit then sometimes I wonder if the people who schedule the Subways are all yellow there's nothing nasty in this it's just about a total inability to have a realistic sense of time and a genuine belief that this commodity is inexhaustable I remember at dinner I went to with a few yellow friends the pub had a policy of 90-minute reservations which meant that if you got there 25 minutes late there wouldn't be time for an appetizer or for dessert because the kitchen couldn't manage it in time my partner and I arrived 15 minutes early we both have some splashes of blue in our profiles we went to the table and sat down to wait for the others time passed 40 minutes later 25 minutes late they arrived joyfully joking about how they had forgotten the time we managed to order just a main course eat it and quickly pay for it before the next guest wanted his table the strange thing was that when we spoke about the incident afterwards their recollection was that they were just a few minutes late they had simply repressed the fact that they missed 30% of the dinner conclusion coordinate all appointments properly with yellows synchronize your watches explain very clearly that the plane takes off at 8:00 and that if he doesn't show up by then he'll be left standing at the gate say it like it is if he's not in his car outside your door 2 hours before the plane takes off you'll drop down dead of a heart attack tell the yellow that you will be deeply irritated with him and that your friendship could be damaged due to his continual slip UPS if the dinner is due to start at 7:00 invite everyone for that time but make it 6:30 for your yellow friends they'll arrive last anyway they'll come with very well-worded excuses be be prepared for very colorful stories but also know that yellows will emphatically deny that they are optimists regarding time they'll insist that they most certainly kept an eye on the clock it was just that something happened on the way it looks like a hand grenade went off in here the most cluttered desks I have ever seen have all belonged to yellows computer screens with so many Post-it notes stuck to them that you can barely see the screen the most Topsy Turvy garages and the most overloaded attics belong to yellows as well but this is only the visible ask to look at a yellow person's calendar or handbag don't even think about looking in a yellow's closet and this is still only the purely physical meetings are moved or forgotten things disappear whole cars are lost in parking lots keys are gone Without a Trace furthermore many yellows have no ability to plan their day they can go to the supermarket five times in a row and buy three things at a time because they didn't write down what they needed this can be because they don't know what they want until they get there or because they're sure they'll be able to recall the 19 things they need to buy yellows have a very generous view of their own ability they'll tell anyone who wants to listen that they have the best memory in the world conclusion if you really want to help a yellow get organized make sure he gets at least some structure in his life help out by creating a simple list if you are going shopping write down everything yourself your partner or Pal will forget half of the items create a structure for him yellows are the ones who are most in need of structure in the form of diagrams and checklists paradoxically they hate all of that they won't let themselves be shoehorned into a system not of their own choosing be diplomatic if you press too hard you can get some powerful reactions why does everything have to be micromanaged are we living in a fascist state or what remember that for yellows the most important thing is to look good all the time me me me yellows have strong egos just like Reds no doubt about that they like getting attention they throw themselves into the center of things faster than anyone else they enjoy themselves the most when they're in the middle of where the action is your yellow friend is a ray of sunshine talking louder and faster than everyone else and lighting up a room with his behavior shine all the spotlight on me see me hear me like me but this means that no one else gets any space many conversations end up with the yellow individual loudly and resonantly speaking about his experience or his opinion no matter what you are talking about War starvation dieting cars Executives Gardens a yellow will bring up a story in which he himself is the protagonist if he doesn't have any story he'll make one up their thoughts often begin with the word I I want I think I can I know I will it's quite natural they like other people but there is one thing they like even more themselves conclusion yellows need to understand that there are other people in the room or working on the project besides themselves you can never allow yellow to consume consume all the oxygen they need to hear from someone with courage and perseverance that they have to let others enter the conversation or whatever it may be it's impossible to explain this in the midst of a conversation with others present it won't fall on fural ground a yellow can be very offended by such criticism he'll think things like everyone else just thinks of themselves or I'm the only one who looks out for me this type of feedback must be given discreetly and in a positive way it depends a little bit on how yellow the person in question is so you will probably need a plan be prepared for one thing you may very well become enemies in the process you're definitely taking a risk here hearing that you are egocentric and self-centered is extremely unflattering yellows will understand this they're not stupid but they will just think that your analysis is wrong so you'll have to work a lot here or swap Pals all talk but no walk I might as well get straight to the point here to avoid confusion yellows talk more than they work they have a pension for talking about everything they need to do rather than actually doing anything everyone who knows a genuine yellow knows exactly what I'm talking about okay so many people have trouble getting motivated to work especially with boring tasks but yellows find it particularly hard to leave the starting block when faced with uncomfortable tasks it may be about having to call a dissatisfied customer or getting an oil change or going to the pharmacy if it's dull and uninspiring it won't happen their excuses for avoiding these tasks will be numerous and imaginative because a yellow's perspective on time is based in the future they spend more time talking about the future than dedicating their energy to getting there seldom have so many crazy plans been drawn up or so many insane goals set as is done by yellows because they think aloud people around them believe that these fantasies are going to happen wow it sounds amazing conclusion to help your yellow friend you need to make sure that he puts his shovel in the ground and starts digging push him but push gently treat him a little bit like you would treat a child be kind but clear if he notices that you're becoming his Taskmaster things may become difficult yellows hate feeling controlled they need the most help to get into gear but that doesn't mean they like it they are free souls and don't obey anyone else so you need to be diplomatic softly and gently explain the value of actually doing the job itself now that he knows what needs to be done take a moment to explain to a yellow how the great popularity he already enjoys can actually be increased even further if he just happens to get finished everyone will love him and he will be more beloved than ever does that sound simple it is simple all you need to do is overcome your resistance to inflating someone's ego in such an obvious way but it will work realize that yellows may see your lips moving but not hear anything you're saying this could very well be a subtitle to a section on bad listeners because these things are connected to each other all of us make mistakes and no one is perfect this is obvious to everyone even to a yellow in hypothetical discussions yellows can agree that other people really need to get a grip sort things out and do better they can even admit that there are no perfect people so far no problems the problems arise when we try to make a particular yellow understand that he may need to improve this creates a conflict especially if the criticism is expressed in public yellow people find it difficult to cope with criticism they don't like it because it doesn't make them look good imagine there's someone who doesn't like everything they do and everything they say I have individually sat down with yellows and giv them personal feedback on their profiles everything goes fine until we get to the page with the heading areas of improvement which is to say weaknesses even if we're on good terms the temperature in the room gets significantly cooler defensive walls pop up quicker than you can say poor self-awareness deep down the yellow individual knows that he has weaknesses he just won't consider talking about them conclusion if you wish to get through to a yellow with negative feedback you need to be persistent create a friendly atmosphere in the room and find the right tone so that your criticism lands where it should you can always slam your fist on the table as hard as you can to really shake him up lay down the cold hard truth and give it to him straight I don't recommend this better to work slowly and consistently repeating the same feedback until he understands Clarity is key make sure to be extremely well prepared with all possible facts to substantiate your claims yellows are clever manipulators if he senses that you're not serious in your criticism and that you won't follow up he'll lure you off track he is good at smoke screens make sure you don't get lost in the fog get real answers to your questions and be sure that he understands the message insist that he writes down what you have said ask him to repeat your feedback you also need to set up a plan of action but save that for the next meeting right now you've probably gotten as far as you can with the yellow you'll just exhaust yourself if you keep going one more thing this doesn't happen with positive feedback then the yellow will jump on the the bandwagon quicker than you can imagine adapting to Green Behavior what a green expects of you everything should feel good all the time Security will always be important to a green a green worries about everything that may happen he doesn't like insecurity and solves it by hiding under the covers if you don't see it then it's not there he doesn't want to be anywhere if it's too insecure he strives for stability and doesn't even want to think about wild gambles you may be thinking the world is a dangerous place to live there's an infinite number of dangers out there absolutely anything can go wrong my relationship may fall apart I might get sick my husband could leave me my children might think I am an idiot I can lose my job my boss may start agreeing with my children I could end up in conflict with a lot of people on the way to work I could have a car accident a person can die from a tiny fishbone caught in his throat all these things make life scary Anything Can Happen many greens I've known over the years in my role as a coach have said that all these potential dangers paralyze them they become overwhelmed with thoughts about these risks and dangers they become completely powerless to act and since they're not particularly motivated to get out in the world it becomes easier to just stay at home nice and safe at home by The Hearth it wasn't greens who left their homes and immigrated to America they would never have gotten on the boat because who knows how the trip would go and if you survived the voyage itself who could really say what you would find when you got there those stories about all those people who achieved success and wealth could well be humbug from start to finish and if you did get a job and if you did find somewhere to live who knows if you would be happy imagine if you end up even more miserable than you were at home you know what you have but you have no idea at all what you'll get conclusion except that this person doesn't think like you do except that he is driven just as much by fear as by anything else perhaps even more show that you're prepared to listen to what he is anxious about don't say things like there's nothing to be afraid of it doesn't work because the fear itself is real and it's also not true there are many legitimate things to be afraid of we all have things we're anxious about but green just as more of them instead help your green friend to face his fear of the unknown encourage him to Brave things that feel scary and still move ahead just as we learned to swim as children despite the fact that the water looked cold and dangerous you can give support through small gentle nudges forward when your friend says that the grass only looks greener on the other side simply take a deep breath and keep at it nothing happened twice I'm sure you recall that I mentioned the green passivity nothing is too big to be ignored being proactive and driven having an active lifestyle all these things disturb tranquility and it won't be appreciated he won't be happy if you're constantly coming up with new things to do greens feel better when they don't have to be active they come home on a Friday evening so completely exhausted from spending the week trying to accomplish as little as possible that they now now need to take a good rest I've met greens whose efforts to avoid work cost them more energy than actually doing the work the consequences are obvious to those around them they don't like weekends with full schedules visiting the Mother-in-law organizing a picnic taking his son to soccer cleaning out the garage inviting the neighbors over for dinner everything becomes a burden for him and half the time nothing gets done at all a green Glides under the radar and disappears completely he needs peace and quiet to be able to do what he does best PE peace and quiet make him feel safe and content conclusion it's important to respect this on one level we need to put ourselves in other people's shoes knowing how stressful it can be for them to be constantly on the go in today's society it's not possible to avoid all the bustle and activity it means that a genuine green often feels that he is doing something wrong he hears about everyone else's weekends their activities how they've completed one complicated project after the other for a green that just sounds exhausting the solution is to allow the greenest periods of Peace Quiet and inactivity he needs to function like that this doesn't mean of course that he can sit on his but his whole life but he does need to be allowed to do a reasonable amount of nothing where are we going I think I'll sit this one out stability and predictability are valuable to a green and when you think about it it's very logical it's a good thing knowing what's going to happen we probably all have some measure of control dependency we simply want to know or greens this dependency is very strong when Reds ask what yellows wonder who when blues ask why greens want to know how but green simply needs to know what the plan is what needs to happen when will things be taking place what should he expect just look at how it works at home who always has the same spot at the breakfast table I know that many of us are creatures of habit but if you snitch a green since a long time ago claim chair you unhinge his very existence and he won't be able to get his food down but their need for predictability goes further than that it's about anything that even resembles change in our society today the only thing that's permanent is change nothing is totally predictable everything rotates on its own axis and appears in new shapes and forms and all of this is extremely stressful for greens conclusion since a green won't come up with anything on his own it will be you and I who will have to handle the planning but maybe that's okay we can help ease green Minds by explaining every step of the plan instead of just saying that I've invited guests over for the weekend I could explain that we will be having John and Mary over for dinner and we'll be offering a three course dinner consisting of an appetizer a main course and a dessert I'll fix the main course while my green partner should make the dessert and should follow this recipe I explain who is doing what who will buy the wine who will buy the flowers and so on I might even explain which day my green partner has to do the shopping and who knows maybe I'll write down the address of the flower shop with a list of exact instructions about what should be be purchased does this sound exaggerated not at all remember greens aren't world champions at taking their own initiative think of your family as a company everyone doesn't do the same things because we're good at different things if you're better at taking the initiative do it but make sure that your green partner is on board otherwise there's a risk that he'll run out the back door how to behave when you need a green okay now you know how your green friends would like to be handled the result will be a common excellent relationship and you will be good friends for many years nice huh but you can't stop there because unless you're a genuine green yourself you'll want to actually do something every now and then and you'll need to have some appropriate strategies to Kickstart your stability loving friend why does everything have to be such a to-do ug I'm going to bed I've said this before but we need to spill more ink on this issue greens don't like friction of any kind they back off when a discussion heats up or if you frown at the wrong time everything could be a potential conflict and this is a very bad condition for All Greens they lock themselves in and become silent and passive many years ago I was giving a sales conference at which I trained sellers in personal Effectiveness one of them was playing with his cell phone unremittingly and when I nicely and gently asked him to write his text messages during the break he completely stiffened up and stopped speaking he didn't respond to any questions or take part in any discussions he didn't so much as lift his pen for the remainder of the day he glared at me and when I asked what the problem was he just shrubbed his shoulders he gave me what is probably the worst evaluation I have ever received although the conference was 5 days long it was that one day that was critical to him and he truly caught me to shreds he had never encountered such a rude and incompetent consultant he felt as if I had stuck a knife in his back obviously this was a completely unreasonable reaction especially considering that we had agreed not to use our mobile phones during work sessions but it didn't matter this guy still still thought that I had wronged him wholly and entirely and he punished me the only way he could through total passivity I phoned him afterwards and confronted him about it he admitted that it was juvenile behavior and apologized conclusion if you have a comment to make about a Green's Behavior make sure you're careful about how you present it for example if it involves criticism you should deliver it in private make sure that the person you are talking to understands that you still like him but that you believe that he in the group work team sports team Family Association will function better if he changes certain things don't ask him what he can do about the behavior just ask him to do certain specific things it may be that he knows what to do but as usual he will not lead the conversation you'll need to do that it was better before much better when I'm talking about change one of my favorite exercises is to ask everyone in the group who is afraid of change to stand up occasionally someone will stand up but it's more common that no one moves why because we all understand that change is inevitable and necessary if we're going to keep up with the world some people can admit that they dislike change but this observation is only at an intellectual level and so we all sit quietly in our seats pretending that there are no opponents to change to be found here and besides no one else is standing up after that my second question is who thinks that someone else in the group is afraid of change suddenly the whole group stands up and they look around quite amused so who doesn't like change answer everyone else and because the those other people are the problem I don't need to do anything at all the issue is widespread the majority of the population as green as its dominant equality this is the main reason why we can't accept change with open arms everything new is evil and it should be strongly discouraged rapid change is the most difficult to accept the faster it is the worse it is so the faster the wheels of society spin the more frantic all those opponents of change become we see this all the time in New reports yellows and Reds devise constant change greens and blues where in the majority try to keep up and the stress just increases conclusion if you want greens to accept change you'll have to equip yourself with a good dialup of patience break down the process into small pieces and set aside a few weeks to persuade win over and spell out the particulars you must describe the process in detail and since no one is going to take any notes you'll have to go through it again and again and again until the message gets home the group must get the chance to feel its way to the the only possible solution change once that feeling has developed you're home free but the road is long and complicated you need to know exactly where you're heading and you need to remind yourself constantly why you are going through all this trouble if you are red every day you'll be seized by the urge to Simply force your opinion on the group but I hardly need to explain that you might as well shut the company down if you do that it would spare everyone involved a great deal of time and suffering someone needs to take the helm if we aren going to sink to the bottom let's be honest isolated from from everything else green behavior is not a distinct leadership quality especially because often times leadership is all about change fortunately this doesn't mean that there are no good green bosses there are many of them out there but they don't grow on trees they won't step forward in the same way as Reds and yellows do it's convenient not to have to take responsibility I think all of us have a certain degree of laziness in us it's liberating not to have to think to avoid having to decide and just be a passenger of course it varies depending on the circumstances but greens have developed this laziness into an art form they don't want any responsibility because a it can lead to conflict if someone doesn't agree with a decision or B there may be lots of extra work and that's never good and so they Dodge it for as long as possible responsibility is burdensome requiring inner strength as well as an external drive to assume it but at the same time it's a measure of maturity and it begins with taking responsibility for yourself in your own life greens and some other colors on occasion have a tendency to blame everything and everyone but themselves I knew a woman who had an entire list of things she could blame if something didn't go her way she blamed the government the opposition taxation her employer the state of the market her education her parents her husband and her children sometimes it was the weather's fault she blamed everything and everyone except herself what did she gain from this she didn't have to take any responsibility herself because there was always some other factor that was responsible for this and that she never had to tackle her own problems and really change anything I remember that I asked her to explain how it was possible that she was also not on her own list but I suspect that she didn't understand the question given the Monumental passivity a green person can demonstrate we immediately end up with problems if someone does AOW the boat or take the helm no amount of prayer will ever help and greens will remain seated waiting for help usually someone comes and helps out so despite everything they survive conclusion if if you want to make Headway with a large group of greens you have to take command get a firm hold on the steering wheel and in some cases simply get into the driver's seat yourself asking a group of greens to solve a task is as much use as trying to put a break on a canoe they won't get started unless you put them on the track a dog gone I thought they were adults approach will not work sure they're adults but they're children when it comes to such basic things like making decisions this is because once upon a time they made a decision not to make any decisions so someone has to put his foot down and just decide do it and do it now but at the same time do it gently adapting to Blue Behavior what a blue expects of you it's best to think everything all the way through from the beginning a blue prepares meticulously if you've planned to meet at a certain place at a certain time you can rest assured that he'll be there a blue will have gone through all the material analyzed everything down to the smallest detail and he'll be prepared to discuss just about anything on the topic he will have an alternative plan and a contingency plan for that as well he's thought of everything so you should too being blue is a little like doing military service no excuses will be allowed if you get a flat tire you should be prepared for it if there's a puncture in the spare tire you must have a plan for that too a blue will have some critical questions if you say something like that's just the way it is the next time you meet him his confidence in you will be tarnished conclusion make sure you can show that you've done your homework and are well prepared for example when a blue customer or policy maker has a question you should be able to pull out that exact folder from your briefcase don't make a big deal out of knowing the answer he expected nothing less and most important if you don't have the answer just say so acknowledge that you don't know don't offer any excuse just to get out of the situation when the blue discovers the white lie and he will you will fall out of favor it's not ideal to have to come back with the answer the next day but it's definitely preferable to telling a fib a car salesman I know usually says that when he meets blue customers he knows from the outset that the customer is more informed about a particular model of car than he since as a seller he might have 50 models to keep track of blue customers don't ask questions to find things out they ask to confirm what they already know so the car salesman doesn't even try to pretend anymore if he doesn't know the answer he acknowledges it and then finds out it's the only way to win a blue customer's confidence we're not here to hang out and be cozy this is a give if we're referring to a working relationship stick to the job make sure to stay focused on the task at hand ablue is not at all interested in your personal preferences or what you think about his choice of car house sport or anything else that is not related to work he's there to work period I remember once that after about five or six meetings with a Personnel manager in a big company I thought I had gotten to know him we had passed the stage of shaking hands every time and by now he knew how I preferred my coffee at the seventh visit it occurred to me to ask him what he planned to do over the holidays I don't know what came over me at first his look became vacant and then his anxious eyes began to wander all over the room I ended up saying some nonsense to cover up my mistake I hadn't told them what I had done on my holidays either about four visits later he informed me gently that he planned to go to Thailand over the new year with his family that was the opening conclusion stick to the task work with checklists where factual matters are noted things you can tick off together with the blue if you're yellow put a part of your spontaneity aside for that matter put away as much spontaneity as you can force yourself to do one thing at a time remind yourself that a blue will rarely or never ask how things are going or show interest in your personal problems don't ask how things are going for him on a personal level either the word itself would be his answer personal this is private stay off in time he will open up if he wants to it's not that he doesn't like you he just wants to work first accept this and it will go well no vision necessary let's all stay in the real world thank you very much your blue friends aren flying around up there in the blue blue sky they're on the ground using their critical Minds to judge whether things are realistic or not while you may think they're boring suspicious or downright pessimistic they believe that they're only realists they want to know what reality looks like not what the world looks like if you're a dreamer or a Visionary I remember once when I was working in the banking world we were having a kickoff event and I wanted to inspire my team to do great things the likes of which had never before been seen I finished my rousing speech by exclaiming soon we will stand on top of the peak of success and look down on the market we've conquered we all of us will be a top that mountain while both yellow and red and to a certain extent green employees smiled and were hyped up the blues only said one thing we can't imagine ourselves up there how did we get up there the yellows shouted don't you have any vision and the blues replied we have cell if a plan seems crazy a blue will never have any confidence in it there's no point in playing on his feelings or trying to promote ideas that are way too wild what you say needs to have realistic perspectives otherwise you won't get anywhere conclusion think through what you want to say and what you want to convince a blue to believe put Daydreams and Visions aside it may even be worth rethinking the kind of language you will use to talk about your plan skip all those inspirational speeches that yellows and reds adore stick to the fact and be clear if you have an idea that hasn't been tested before try to set reasonable goals don't say that you will dominate The Market within 3 months or that the little league team will win the championship despite having lost all of their matches so far they'll only consider you a lunatic if you have yellow in your own profile you should really think twice about how you interact with Blues you're already fighting an uphill battle as far as a blue is concerned and be careful to avoid any overly dramatic body language details facts are the only thing things that matter details are essential to communicating with a blue if you really want to get through to them you must make sure to be very exact carelessness or ignoring the details won't be appreciated more than one seller has been turned out of a sales visit due to negligence for failing to know the nitty-gritty details and remember that it's not a question of whether the details are crucial for a particular decision or not they may have no real bearing on the issue at all but a blue decision maker simply wants to know he also wants to know exactly if you're asked how much a particular product costs don't say about $10 say $99. 73 it's a precise answer a blue is more interested in an exact price than a low price he may very well negotiate but he wants to know the precise cost conclusion prepare yourself well when you think you're prepared and that you know all there is to know about an issue go through it all one more time make sure you have answers to absolutely everything except except that this person might want to have more data to feel secure given the details he needs in order to move on he'll always wonder if there's any more information but this way you can keep him calm and you hope content there's no substitute for Quality quality is what drives a blue everything else is secondary everything else he focuses on stems from a deeply rooted desire that everything must be perfect a blue is discontented if he's not allowed to perform his work to an exacting standard it has nothing to do with what quality of work is actually needed it's simply due to his belief that things must always be done the proper way this of course takes a huge amount of time but the advantage is obvious if you do it right from the beginning you will avoid having to redo it this is actually a great way of saving time but since a blue does not think in terms of hours days or even weeks but rather in months and years he doesn't see the potential downside of his exacting standards if a thing is worth doing it's worth doing right and that takes time it's as simple as that conclusion be particularly meticulous in your work when trying to impress a blue otherwise he will view you as sloppy and careless you should be on your guard about expressing yourself using negative terms concerning how the blue spends too much time just on quality use words like careful control properly inspected the importance of quality avoid criticizing blues for taking too much time or fussing over details that may be unnecessary instead praise them for their attention to detail and the superior work they do let the blue understand that you are doing quality work and that you understand its value this means that you should prepare very carefully before any meetings with a blue he judges you by the Merit of the work you create not by how funny you are not by who you know not by whether or not you invite him to fancy lunches none of this means anything if you are careless when you are finished with a task double check it if possible triple check have someone else look at it only then should you show it to your blue colleague how to behave when you meet a blue just agreen to a Blue's initiative would be like driving a car with the parking brake on your task is most likely to get things moving but you can't just hit the gas instead you need to find the right lever to pull and take off the blue parking brake a blue is feelings like everyone else and he appreciates people it just looks a little different because most of abl's emotions are self-contained he may seem a little cold no facial expressions to speak of no gestures no emotional Expressions at all Blues often don't seem interested in other people and simply focus on the issue at hand if we're sitting in an accounting firm or if we're trying to solve an important problem in the company then this is a good approach but every time other people especially yellows or greens are involved a Blue's tendency to dissociate from others can be problematic he simply doesn't realize that other people don't function in the same way people want to feel like they can relate to this person they don't want to feel like robots conclusion remind him that other people have feelings give examples of times when he bruised other people's feelings like when he pointed out all the flaws in the neighbors new house explain that he doesn't need to express himself critically all the time showing that people can take great offense when others criticize their home car spouse or children be clear and tell him that being honest isn't an excuse for being callous and remind him that it isn't as simple as saying things as they are he didn't say things as they are he only said what he thought or believed about a certain thing point out that that constant criticism rarely accomplishes anything this won't be an easy task because he will think that you were wrong he has every right to criticize and point out errors and flaws if he sees an error he can't just ignore it you might just have to tell him that he's being impossible the devils in the details have you ever listened to a blue tell an interesting story let's say he got a flat on the highway he'll Begin by saying that is a long clock a Sony rang a minute earlier because it was Thursday and on Thursdays he guardless a little longer with l the green kind since a taste test done by Consumers Union the largest independent Consumer Testing organization in the world in their bulletin issued last March clearly demonstrated that it's preferable breakfast consisted of two 7-minute eggs and coffee Nespresso has a new roast but he didn't enjoy it at least 9% of the beans were damaged which made him reflect on how Bean structure affects the mouth feel of the coffee then he fetched the newspaper the New York Times since they had made a special offer 18% discount for 3 months at the post office he spoke to his neighbor who also reads the New York Times about the best way to take care of the lawn in September there's an interesting website that discusses different types of autumn fertilizer very fascinating Rome wasn't built in a day haste is only for sloppy people we can tell Blues to hurry up but it goes in one ear and out the other speed isn't an end in itself often times blues slow down even more when they're feeling stress since in a high situation you really don't have time to make mistakes better to be careful to avoid timeconsuming fixes this may be true but sometimes things are Urgent particularly in our fast-paced society hurry to work hurry at work hurry home from the same job hurry in school in traffic in the supermarket everywhere everything is urgent I don't encourage any form of behavior that may lead to stress related illnesses but sometimes you have to speed up in order to stay in the race outwardly the blue is quite unmoved he works at his own pace without worrying that those around him they burn out from their more hectic pace they actually have themselves to blame conclusion calmly and methodically tell the blue that next week he'll need to work at a faster Pace explain exactly why this is so important establish that you have only 48 hours left to complete the project this time is precious and must be used correctly point to the big picture give him valid reasons he should go against his instincts you can readily prove your point by highlighting the long-term plan we must stay on track or we'll miss our next deadline if for example you're talking about renovating your house it might be helpful to negotiate in advance when everything will be ready if the in-laws are arriving in 4 weeks then the house must be done by then no matter what calculate how many hours can be devoted to the renovations decide which activities should be given priority make sure the blue sticks to his schedule and keeps moving forward once he's completed each task otherwise the risk is that he will spend 5 hours polishing the finer details time that he doesn't have if you have all the time in the world well that's another matter if it's in the book it must be true can't we go by our good feelings try saying that to a strictly blue individual and see what happens gut feeling is the opposite of rational thought and nothing could be more foreign to the blue wait a minute does this mean that you should never use your own intuition if you're working with Blues even blue individuals have what we call a sixth sense or nose for what can be right the difference is that they don't trust it because it can of course be wrong the problem is that it's impossible to prove anything with the help of gut feeling the only thing that counts is the facts and even the facts might not be enough there may be more information out there that would change everything conclusion tell your blue friend that if he has to make a decision without all the facts he can follow his gut this can apply to work or ordering at a new restaurant speak clearly and loudly to the blue and explain that if he doesn't make a decision he'll end up going hungry proof that it's better to do something rather than remaining paralyzed waiting for more more information point out that that it's logical to use intuition in this situation because you don't have all of the facts explain that the results will still be good maybe just 95.3% of what they could be but still good helping to calculate risk but also to move on decisions made here because the blue experiences the decision itself as less important than the path to the decision stagnation can occur after pain takingly collecting facts and meticulously studying all available conditions you finally come to the Moment of Truth the decision there is a risk that everything can deadlock on the one hand but on the other hand a project manager I met a few years ago wanted to buy a new car for eight months he test drove 16 different makes over 50 different models in different combinations different engines bodies Transmissions Interiors colors he tried everything fabric versus leather upholstery gas versus diesel automatic versus manual he did calculations on fuel cons assumtion and appreciation and gave different graphs to respective car salesmen for an evaluation after considerable internal torment he bought a Volvo V70 then the country's most popular car in metallic silver the most popular color at that time this particular model was the most tested car of all by the various consumer agencies that year you would think he could have picked that car just by reading about it why did you go and buy the most common boring car after all that research everyone asked why not he replied you can help with a Blue's decision stagnation provide him with the crucial piece to the puzzle softly and gently try to steer him in the right direction or in any case in a direction conclusion pay attention to when the decision process stalls out suppose for example two equally strong candidates have applied for an opening at your company so far everything has gone well the blue decision maker has submitted detailed information via email and kept everyone informed about the necessary steps the process has been followed to the letter in order to get something to happen provide the decision maker with the necessary data required for him to make a decision about one of the candidates push him to make a choice remind him that the deadline is approaching point out the repercussions of delaying the decision the quality of the company's work will suffer if he doesn't hire a new employee explain that everything has been properly considered and that regardless of which candidate he chooses all the risks have been eliminated in conclusion now you have some basic information about how you can interact with the different color so that you can get to where you want to go the first step is to try to tune into the frequency of others and then adapt to them in this way you gain their trust and they are able to recognize themselves in you so the basic rule is to meet a red with red Behavior yellow with yellow green with green and finally blue with blue you may think that it sounds simple the difficulty comes for example if you are yellow and must adapt to a blue you might need more training here it depends on what color you are how strong your self-awareness is and how willing you are to make Headway with a specific contact in your everyday life you can always do what Adam did you can continue being yourself The Next Step will be to start leading the person away from common pitfalls as you have seen each color has its obvious weaknesses her a blue can help a yellow become more concrete and the yellow can perhaps persuade the blue to loosen up and be a little more spontaneous at the risk of sounding cliché D It's all about working together about meeting one another in the middle you already knew that but now you know how to do it 13 how to deliver really bad news the challenge of speaking your mind who looks forward to bad news no one and yet every now and then we still need to break some bad news in the world around us the unexpected can happen and sometimes the lot Falls to you to inform someone about something negative Reds are the best at delivering news that no one wants to hear rather insensitively they'll just come out and say that you've been fired before asking you if you would like milk in your coffee tricky no not at all he was just finished with the task at hand but there's a difference of course between bad news and bad news it's one thing to convey a personal criticism and another to tell you that your grandmother has just died the latter is always difficult and no one will receive that news well however the former can be fine-tuned and adjusted in a way that makes it easier for someone to receive feedback alone is a gigantic topic it gives many people a stomach ache just thinking about it and many people I meet during my leadership programs find this area particularly difficult not only is it difficult to give feedback but it also seems to be difficult to receive it this is really strange because the latter means just sitting there and listening but anyone who has received some hard criticism and left the room afterwards knows that sometimes you can't utter a word when delivered badly it will leave you feeling sick the solution for many Executives I meet seems be simply skipping giving any kind of feedback we don't know how to give either positive or negative feedback so we ignore it I hardly need to point out why this isn't a good solution the downside of just doing your job once many years ago I had a colleague Mike who was exceptionally good at his job of all of us he was the one who always met his budget targets he had won every sales contest and was held in high esteem by customers boxes of chocolates and bottles of wine would arrive for him from far and wide on a regular basis what do you do with a colleague like that you make sure that he stays Easier Said then done as his boss I wanted to show my appreciation for all his hard work so I called his wife and prepared everything one Friday just after lunch I summoned the teen to the conference room in front of everyone I pulled Mike up and explained that he was greatly appreciated and that we as a group wanted to show how happy we were to have him on our team I said he should take the rest of the afternoon off take his wife out to dinner and go to the cinema and that I would foot the bill I gave him $50 you understand that this was some years ago and two movie tickets the babysitter was already arranged so off Mike went we cheered and applauded a little more and the whole thing became a big feel-good moment Mike didn't say a word until afterwards he took me aside and gave me one of the worst telling offs I have ever received how could I do that to him parade him out in front of all 27 people who just stood and stared at him awful he was just doing his job he made me promise never to do anything like that again he was mad with me for a week Mike was green does this give you any clues feedback immunity there are many ways to give feedback whether positive or negative in the wrong way now I am going to share some ways you can properly give feedback the funny thing is that this approach works just as well whether the feedback is positive or negative some people are immune to the first kind others to the latter I've chosen to focus on negative feedback as this is typically the most difficult if you can manage to deliver that then you can probably manage the positive the following advice works just as well for your private life as it does for work the only thing you need to know is what color your target is so it begins as usual by you analyzing what colors are in the room once you've done that you just have to set to work the aim is to get the person to listen to your comments and ultimately to create change all of the challenges of the previous chapter about how Others May perceive the different colors can be dealt with if you just know how the next sections explain just that many of the basic techniques in each section are similar no matter what color you're talking to but in each case the way you approach the person will vary depending on who he is and how he'll receive feedback how to give feedback to a red if you dare good news you don't need any great skill to give negative feedback to a red the only thing you need is a Kevlar vest and fire resistant hair because no matter how you do it the temperature in the room will rise if you're prepared for it there won't be any major problems but if a red doesn't respond to what you say then you have reason to worry either he's ignoring you and what you're saying or he's seriously ill but the following scenario is the most common so hold on to your hat don't gift wrap things let me be very clear here when you're conveying criticism to a red the simplest way to do so is to avoid any form of decorative rapping it's enough of a challenge to even get through to Reds with your criticism because a red always believes that he is right and you are wrong many years ago I discussed red Behavior with a group of sellers most of who were yellow they understood quite quickly what red Behavior was and the reddest person who came to mind at that time was their boss the sales director they described him as burish a bad listener completely insensitive manipulative unrelenting often in a foul mood too much in a hurry plus a whole bunch of other less flattering descriptors the group was seriously concerned because they suspected that he hated his staff sure he also worked very hard and they respected him for that but since he sometimes asked for ideas and then proceeded to lambast anything that didn't suit his own agenda they never got anywhere besides that he controlled everything they did in detail which was probably the reason he worked so hard the whole situation sounded disturbing and the sales team would soon fall apart if nothing was done I called the sales director in and explained what the group had said he listened with increasing interest but without showing any great concern but his reaction was interesting once I had explained to him that his 20 sales reps the most important resource he had to reach his personal goals thought that he was an insensitive and AG aggressive son of a [ __ ] he replied this is just a handful of anecdotes it's not about me it's their incompetence that's the problem if they just worked harder and did a better job I wouldn't have to push them so hard when I explained that his impatience was stressing the group and made the sales reps insecure in their work he replied that it wasn't his fault impatience wasn't a weakness it was a strength for Pete's sake if he were to drag his feet the same way everyone else was doing in this company nothing would get done if they just bothered to increase their Pace a little bit then he could calm down and not be so aggressive but the problem wasn't really him it was them give very concrete examples as is often the case with Reds everyone else was the real cause of the problem although Reds are efficient at getting things done they can also be quick to appoint scapegoats remember the competitive element that constantly lies in weight beneath the surface my way of getting through to this man was to break the whole thing down into tiny pieces and point to specific examples for instance I explained that when he at 9:00 on a Friday night called up a seller to grill him about a particular customer he ruined the poor man's weekend there was no point in saying that the sales rep was a nervous wreck or that he couldn't sleep because this boss would just have ignored it he wasn't responsible for how people felt however I was able to point out that the sales rep would come back to work on Monday morning completely exhausted by the mental effort and then he wouldn't be able to do his job to the best of his ability nothing would be sold that day by coaching the sales director to give clear answers I got him to see that he would have problems if his sales team wasn't able to perform suddenly he had a reason to reink stick to the facts another trick to keep in mind AED is not that interested in the feelings of others or what people think he prefers to focus on facts and likes to fix things he sees himself as an excellent Problem Solver I delivered my criticism by placing the boss in the position of the key the only key to the team's success basically it appealed to his ego he saw himself as the great leader whose ability to lead the group was the critical factor in creating total dominance in the industry be prepared for war so step by step example after example situation to situation I went through the sales team's perceptions of him the sales director protested each time and without exception argued strongly against any hint of personal criticism the only thing he did was his job for every example I gave I had to repeat the same thing it didn't matter what he thought as long as this was what the sales reps thought he had a problem he swore and fussed and accused me of incompetence he would never hire me again no one would ever hire me again after the uncalled for attack I had subjected him to I was finished in the industry I refused to play along with his ranting and raving I leaned back in my chair and waited for the storm to Abate the worst thing you can do in such a situation is play along with the theatrics and start yelling and pounding your fist on the table the Red's natural instinct to win any given situation will then take over completely he won't be able to think longterm and will become focused on winning right now he'll ignore the fact that we're working together and that we're going to meet again tomorrow he's out to win in this moment even if it costs him a relationship he ignores the consequences aggression takes over and the real battle begins but if you refuse to play along you can manage Red's anger so I remained seated and when he finally calmed down I simply continued to the next Point without saying a single word to indicate that I had been influenced by his ranting and raving step by step I got him to see the impact of his conduct on the group and little by little he began to realize that he had to learn to control himself when things didn't go his way at work he needed to take it easier on other people to avoid placing unreasonable demands on others and on himself and to wait for deadlines instead of demanding delivery a week early just because he was bored ask the person to repeat what you said seen from the outside this whole incident probably looks like a violent Corel but I knew that I could make real progress if I didn't let up so I did what I recommend everyone trying to give negative feedback to a red should do asked the red to repeat what we both just agreed on so this sales director had to obediently explain how he would act in the future Point by point in certain specific situations I had a mandate from the CEO to do this and we both knew it and yet even though intellectually he knew that I was right he couldn't give in he crossed out one of the less important items on the list clearly showing that it was a victory for him somehow he still had to win conclusion prepare yourself extremely well and try not to give negative feedback to a red if you are not feeling strong that day you need to be full of self-confidence so choose your opportunity carefully a red is always strong always full of self-confidence so for him it doesn't matter he will ride into battle at a moment's notice if necessary and prepare yourself for the possibility that he might try to turn the tables he'll accuse you of Everything Under the Sun so that he can feel he has the upper hand don't fall into his trap how to give feedback to a yellow if you have the patience yellows are great at many things among their great attributes is their love of change ideally they change things all the time you would think that accepting feedback can be a way to start changing the things that need to be improved in particular negative feedback is a great way to find out how to raise your performance to a higher level but this isn't quite the way it works with yellows in fact that isn't how it works at all when it comes to change yellows are certainly in favor of it but only if they came up with the idea themselves criticism from the outside isn't always well received Jana a good friend of mine is a phenomenal Entertainer there isn't a group he can't amuse given enough space his stories are usually fantastic and during dinner out they come a whole succession of jokes so that he has everyone rolling in the aisles one joke after the other and the whole thing is extremely entertaining Jana is truly funny no doubt about it but and it is a significant but he Domin Ates everyone else in the room no one else gets a word in edgeways if you try he stops and drowns you out because he doesn't see you as a partner in a conversation but rather as his audience after a while the laughter Falls silent and things start to get uneasy those of us who know Yana understand that this is due to his desire to constantly demand center stage while for others it takes more time to see through him at a dinner party once it went so far that people started talking about yanana behind his back I felt bad for him so I decided to take the bull by the horns make an agenda follow it the first thing I had to do was prepare myself just sitting down with Jana and speaking from the heart about the issue wasn't going to work he would just take over the conversation and lure me off the track so I decided to give a few concrete examples I also wrote down exactly what effects his behavior might have on people and I tried to anticipate all his objections on one occasion Yana was helping me in my garden and afterwards we were sitting in the yard sweaty and exhausted each of us with a beer in hand he had just told me about a trip he took to Spain and how frightened he was when the boat that was taking them to the tiny Island where they were staying almost capsized his wife had already told me that they hadn't even gone by boat they had taken a small local plane but when he stopped for breath I seized the opportunity Yana I said we need to talk about a serious problem you talk too much and you make things up I know that what you just said isn't true because I spoke to Lena and she said that you flew to the this has to stop or you're going to end up on bad terms with people Jana stared at me as if I had lost my mind I don't talk to much he said a little bit surprised and even if I did it would be because I have lots to say I actually remember a time when I I put up a hand in front of his face and moved it quickly back and forth it silenced him I went straight on to the next step give very conrete examples at the last party we had together you spoke more than 50% of the time we were sitting at the dinner table I timed you we were there for 2 hours and you held court for more than one of them you laugh he said now quite grumpy at the beginning but if you'd been more observant you would have noticed that it was only at the beginning and afterwards I heard several people commenting on your need to take center stage in rather a negative way this made Yana really indignant what ungrateful people there I was entertaining people and what do I get for it sheer hostility a stab in the back I'm not evaluating what they said I said but I noticed that they thought you were talking too much do you understand what I mean it's incredibly important to get the yellow to acknowledge and accept the message if you don't recognize a problem you don't have to solve it what did Jana do he nodded morosely I thought things were going rather well after all then something very strange happened be aware that his ears might not be connected to his brain I understand that you were bored he said you're right I've told some of those old stories way too many times I need to stop repeating myself I shook my head in despair he had totally missed the point I said there's nothing wrong with your stories you just need to cut down on the number of them take every third one skip two out of three the problem is that you talk too much not that you repeat yourself you have to let the other seven people around the table speak but he wasn't listening he began telling me a new story just to check if I had heard it before I had to repeat the whole thing explain that you don't dislike him only his behavior criticizing a yellow is difficult because they take things personally if everything is an ice cream and sprinkles all the time then there must be a problem somewhere they think you've suddenly become enemies and Y reacted in the same way he physically moved several inches back away from me a clear signal that he was upset so I did what you do with little children I explained that he was still my friend probably my best friend and I thought he was really funny the only thing I wanted was for him to bury the blabber a little bit he' just gone overboard a bit I told him at least 10 times that I liked him very much unfortunately he's a frightfully bad listener so I had to remind him of all the fun things we had done together and that I cared tremendously about him I flattered him and congratulated him on his choice of a new car I simply manipulated him a little bit at a time he began to thaw and his body language became less defensive prepare yourself for a strong defense mechanism especially the Martyr complex but even that wasn't enough Jana came back with comments like nobody likes me everybody else is much more entertaining I thought you thought that I was funny this was in addition to all the usual defense mechanisms of course he was only keeping the party going it was everyone else who was quiet and boring what was entertaining about an introverted Wallflower and talking too much how was that a problem on the contrary it was actually a very nice quality I pointed out that his performances left no room for other s to speak or participate a concrete example at the latest dinner Jana's wife Lena was asked the question on five different occasions and every time it was Jana who answered in the end it was almost ridiculous everyone noticed this except Jana Lena stopped talking completely but she took so long in answering and I knew the answer he understood nothing or he chose to deliberately be slow on the uptake ask the person to repeat what you've agreed to and follow up as soon as you can this is easier said than done both times we met right after our conversation he was on the alert at one point he remained silent during the entire party sure it was a childish way to point out his misery and it was clearly obvious that he was about to burst with frustration not allowing him to talk was like denying him oxygen and what irritated him most of all was that no one around the table asked why he wasn't saying anything couldn't they see that he was putting on the show for their sake what happened was that his wife began speaking more and people really enjoyed her conversation because she was so pleasant after a while Jana went back to his usual self it was the easiest way he saw no direct benefit from keeping quiet and Lena fell silent again in Yana's case I valued our friendship more than trying to change his behavior I never took up the issue again but sometimes I take Yana breaks I simply need to have a good rest from him if he had been a cooworker instead of a friend I would have followed up several times to ensure he really made a change conclusion despite their Flex abbility and creativity yellows are actually the most difficult to change they don't listen and only Implement changes that they themselves have thought of what you need to do is massage their egos as much as you can bear and put words into their mouths it's worth remembering that their short memories also apply to hard feelings although they feel awful when criticized they soon forget they simply repress everything that is difficult or unpleasant so if you can just cope with the groans and the moans and maybe a few tears in between you can continue towards your goal achieving that change that will be you both a world of good with patience and perseverance you'll eventually succeed how to give feedback to a green but think twice before you do this is the section I would rather skip why you may be wondering simple criticizing a green can be cruel they will feel bad and will simply withdraw and shut down in general they have weaker Egos and can often be very self-critical you don't want to increase this burden even more it's important to note that there's a difference between being self-critical and changing and being self-critical and not doing anything about it many greens roam through life wishing that things were different but they rarely have the drive to do anything about it so they continue to be dissatisfied sometimes I think that's an end in itself not to be satisfied it's a way to get some attention to gain some power I know many greens who control everything and everyone in their families by simply refusing to do anything whatsoever psychologists call this being passive aggressive a very AP expression however if you would like to give feedback to a green here are some methods that might work just make sure that you're really committed before you get started give concrete examples and use a gentle approach of course it's always good to be concrete the difference here is that a green actually listens which both previous colors did not a green hears what you're saying and dislikes what he hears but you have to be concrete and you might be able to do this in the same way as with Reds but in reverse while it doesn't work to tell red that you feel bad because of his behavior or that others feel ill at ease because of something he did that's precisely what works best here but green is a relational person and doesn't like to offend it may seem manipulative but if a certain form of behavior makes you sad angry or just generally dejected say that a green person will sense your mood and he'll pick up what you are saying if you dare to be honest about it be gentle but don't backpedal it is all about Clarity again if you have any shred of humanity you'll see how a green falls apart the more or you give him negative criticism if you say to your partner that his constant habit of sitting in front of the television watching sports such as football makes you feel completely neglected and unloved you'll immediately see how much this news affects him but then it's important that you not Backtrack on your statement and say things like maybe it's not that bad or I still have some projects I've been wanting to work on while you relax dare to be clear and go straight to the point you need to convey your message in the right way clearly but softly a hand on someone's shoulder can be enough to send a signal that we're still friends but I have a problem when you do this or that deal with the green response you're right I'm so stupid total appeasement a Green's reaction when you tell him how you feel about his behavior is a variation on the yellow's Martyr complex a green will prostrate himself accusing himself of being all kinds of stupid things often there will be comments like I will never do that again severe compliancy is sometimes unavoidable and tears May flow greens Crush themselves with additional arguments about why they're useless and stupid they'll kneel in your presence for weeks afterwards and try to Plate you in all kinds of ways that have nothing to do with the issue at hand I heard a story about a man who was told by his wife that she really hated that every single evening he simply had to spend a certain amount of time playing video games a creature of habit he admitted that it was childish unnecessary and costly he spent a considerable amount of money buying upgrades and features for the games he promised to be more attentive to her needs he promised everything and more besides to make up for his dismal Behavior the following 6 months he hurried home from work to do the cooking before she arrived he bought her flowers once a week and he massaged her feet without her even having to ask very sweet and very appreciated except that he didn't actually do what she asked him to mainly to stop playing computer games he had avoided accepting that particular detail after all he had never promised to stop straight away be sure to explain that the behavior is the problem not the person as with yellows dealing with a green is like dealing de with young children Daddy loves you sweetie but can you please stop eating ice cream on the sofa the risk is that the negative feedback will damage your relationship with the person but you can easily solve this by quickly coming back to the person with good news and positive feedback in this case it's not enough just to say that you're only concerned about one problematic issue you need to show an action that you're not planning to assassinate him he must be reassured by what you do not just by what you say ask the person to repeat what you have agreed on and follow up I've noticed that greens don't always write down what you say to them so it's a good idea to check with them to make sure you've both interpreted the conversation the same way if you have a colleague and would like him to be a bit more punctual make sure he understands that the only issue is his timekeeping he may very well have gotten the idea that you were actually upset about something else entirely we often assume others will behave the same way we would in any given situation and because greens can be quite vague when they speak to others and often avoid talking about the real problem they frequently get the idea that you're really talking about something else they never go straight to the point themselves so they assume you haven't either so what could you possibly be so unhappy about make sure you're both in agreement about what the problem is and follow up we're talking about changing something and creating a new pattern of behavior and as usual greens will try to solve the problem by doing nothing make sure that doesn't happen conclusion if you're human which I think you are you may have a guilty conscience and think that you went at the green guy way too hard I remember one occasion when I argued with an employee because in my opinion she didn't do what she was supposed to her reaction was to completely fall apart and she didn't come to work for 2 days when we spoke about it afterwards it turned out that I hadn't actually asked her to do those specific tasks I just assumed that she looked at things the way I did I can admit that at the time I was an inexperienced and ineffective boss I made a classic mistake I looked at the situation through my own glasses and became Furious when her glasses showed something else and when I realized this later on I felt quite ashamed of myself she looked so distressed and went out of her way to avoid meeting me for a long time I barely dared to say much more than hello and goodbye to her she did what greens are good at she ducked down and did even less work than usual many greens have an uncanny six sense that tells them when it's time to take things extra easy but here it derailed this woman did virtually nothing at all because she could sense my guilt and hesitation she simply took advantage of my bad conscious to get away with it I lost her completely in the end she was laid off because she didn't do her job and I was severely criticized by my boss because I hadn't dealt with the issue make sure that you don't make the same mistake I did don't let things go too far address the problem while there's still time so stand up and deliver the negative feedback even to the friendly Greens in your life how to give feedback to a blue but first just a word of warning before you try to give negative feedback to a blue for Pete's sake make sure you know what you're talking about let me remind you that a blue knows exactly what he's done and he has a far better eye for details than you do so make sure you have your facts ready before the thought even enters your mind the section that follows deals with how to deliver feedback but the biggest task here consists in finding out the details of what happened before you give any feedback it may be a good idea to check things out with several other people who are involved in the issue and to document what they say and the facts they offer the blue will be able to quote everything and everyone and it'll always have proven that what he did was correct after all that's why he did it if it had been wrong he wouldn't have done it make sure you're on to the teeth before schedul in the meeting provide specific detailed examples preferably in writing it's not good enough coming in with sweeping phrases like I think you're working too slowly can you please speed up that's way too General it doesn't matter if you're right or not the phrase working too slowly says virtually nothing says who slowly in relation to what what you need to do is point to specific accurate and detail examples you need to say things like the latest project took 16 and 1/2 hours too long then add up the effects this has had we can't charge the customer for those 16 and2 hours which means that profitability has now fallen by $4,125 16.5 $250 per hour or whatever you charge this is a message that a blue might take into consideration if you were to present it this way to a yellow it would never work but for a blue this is an extremely relevant piece of information because it requires detailed feedback it would be risky if you were just to present it in a conversation you need to have everything written down Blues have a certain degree of distrust when it comes to people talking too much the written word automatically becomes more true in their eyes so write down what you want to say but double check everything and why not actually ask someone else to check the numbers before booking you're meeting with the blue Slow Coach do not get too personal if you don't know each other that well a yellow and a green boss could easily Pat a blue on the shoulder and be personal in the runup to a meeting where they are planning to give some tough negative feedback the reason is simple they know that they would react very negatively themselves if someone were just to jump straight into criticism without softening them up first this is the worst way to approach a blue he'll just get suspicious and won't listen the way you want him to think about how a red would have done things he would simply have booked a meeting sat down and shoved the paper with the negative result at the person if he had such a paper if it was about giving feedback to a neighbor about all the leaves that have blown into his Garden he would simply hand him a garbage bag with all the leaves and ask him to count them a red won't dress things up he gets straight to the point usually he won't have any problem telling you that your work isn't good enough having a project dragon is inexcusable and because he hoped that everything would be finished a day earlier and not a day too late he's now deeply upset stick to the facts if you want to get through to a blue you need to stick the concrete facts each time you start feeling guilty about saying negative things and start speaking about how a appreciated he is you'll confuse him he'll wonder what you're really trying to say he has no ego that must be inflated and he will see right through your attempts to sugarcoat the criticism you really have so stick to the facts don't try the famous sandwich method used quite extensively by many managers and leaders in order to diffuse and soften a grave message you've lost too many customers you've cost us money you've been rude to Ben and reception you should also say positive things you're a valued employee you usually do the right thing I like you very much before and after the piece of criticism the problem with the sandwich method commonly known as praise and blame is that no one understands your message what did you really want to say for a blue this will be particularly incomprehensible because the positive feedback you wrapped your message up in was relational and perhaps emotional not professional remember that he's not there to be your pal he's there to do a job be sure to talk about that feel free to ask if he has any suggestions for improvement use words like quality eval valuate analyze follow up simply use the language he is used to you will get through so much more easily be prepared for counter questions at the molecular level of course he won't buy what you say straight away surely it's reasonable to give him the chance to ask some questions about what you've said there's a risk that you'll face a host of counter questions that will make you feel like you're the one being evaluated how do you know who said that how have you calculated this where does it say that it must be done that way why can't I find this information on our internet why did you wait until now to give me this feedback can I have a look at the supporting documents where's the contract that regulates our billing are you sure we can't add 16 and 1 half hours to this bill hasn't this been done before I recall a customer for years ago who you might not be able to answer all his questions so you must simply decide how deep you want to go you can always say that's just the way it is go back to work now but this is the worst thing you can do at least if you want to keep his confidence the only thing you've proven is that you haven't kept track of the details ask the person to repeat what you've said and follow up soon afterwards when I hold seminars on leadership the issue of giving feedback is often raised it's an extremely complicated subject because we allow our emotions to direct us when we give feedback and receive it but for blues I give the same advice as I do for other colors ask your blue employee to repeat what you've agreed to he needs to duly acknowledge that he has seen and heard the same things you have said it's very likely that he'll be able to repeat everything more or less for btim but it's just as likely that he hasn't taken the message to heart if you were vague in your delivery or too fixed on protecting your relationship he understands that he should repeat what he knows you want to hear him say but this isn't the same thing as in believing your negative feedback was relevant the example I gave of the overdue project is a treacherous hidden trap because a project that's delivered to a customer only has the value the customer believes it to have quality is of the utmost importance if we're careless according to a bl's standards we won't get more orders from that customer what will the Lost Revenue cost so how can you value punctuality as being of more importance than the product itself at The Logical level a blue can make your objections seem nonsensical but if you know that you're right not just that it feels right follow up afterwards to make sure that he's back on track conclusion it's difficult to criticize a perfectionist he already knows the best method and he won't change his opinion just because you happen to have a fancier title on your business card so it's all about doing your homework very well you also need to remember that although it may be difficult to get a blue to respond to feedback he has no problem criticizing others remember he sees all the mistakes everyone else makes and he will likely point out your mistakes when you least expect it not because he's being vindictive but just because you've botched up 14 who gets along and why it works group dynamics at their finest the short answer is that a group should consist of all colors to create the best possible dynamic in a perfect world we would have an equal number of each color the yellow comes up with a new idea the red makes the decision the green has to do all the work and the blue evaluates and make sure that the results are excellent but this isn't the case not infrequently we find yellows in positions better suited to Reds or in the worst cases they have been able to talk their way into a job that actually requires blue Behavior indeed there are many examples of people who are sitting in the wrong chairs and part of the explanation lies in the fact that they lack the natural prerequisites to manage their jobs moreover all this has to do with what driving forces different people have different people are motivated by different things and it can cause them to move away from their core behavior in specific situations but that's a whole other topic and not something I cover in this book so how do you put your team together look at the picture on the following page here you can see why certain combinations are more suitable than others if you're recruiting members to your team this may be a good place to start as you can see different colors work differently together again there are plenty of exceptions but if no one in the group has any knowledge of their behavior patterns some colors will naturally work well together for instance it's generally easier for two people to work together if they have the same sense of tempo and work at a similar speed natural combinations if we look at the diagram above we can see that blue and green could be a suitable combination without much of an effort from either of them they would certainly recognize themselves in each other's ability to breathe calmly and to think twice before doing something since both are introverts each of them feels secure with the other it's the same kind of energy neither of them will build castles in the air because they prefer to keep both feet on the ground they don't stress but allow themselves to dive deeply into things sure they may find it difficult to make decisions but the decisions that they do make will probably be well thought out similarly red and yellow work smoothly together since they both want to shoot from the hip and always move forward here we also have the same kind of energy only a different type both are powerful and outgoing and because both are verbal they can easily find the right words certainly they'll have a different focus in the conversation but the dialogue will still flow both set high goals and think quickly a team of yellows and reds will set a fast tempo and while they are both clear about what they want they'll motivate those around them to achieve great things the challenge probably lies in the fact that a red can proceed a yellow as being too talkative but since neither of them is a worldclass listener they'll both just switch off when it suits them complimentary combinations it also works to look at the other axis and make pairings based on each color's Focus both blues and reds are task oriented Reds are certainly more interested in the result than in the process itself and blues are more concerned with the process and tend to ignore the result but they're at least speaking the same language both devote themselves to work and only spend limited time chatting about football or Home Improvement except maybe at lunchtime they would complement each other in a good way if we liken this to a car a red is the accelerator while a blue is the brake both are needed in order to drive successfully the trick is not to push both pedals at the same time similarly there is some logic in placing a green with a yellow the tempo at which they work will be different but both of them will be curious about each other both believe that people are interesting and important while one likes to take it easy the other likes having fun they'll easily find a similar Focus the green will allow the yellow to take as much space as he wants one talks the other listens it can work out well in addition greens are good at calming down the slightly hysterical yellows who sometimes have a hard time staying grounded of course there's a risk that they'll fail to devote sufficient time to the work itself but they will have a very good time people around them might feel that they're only having a good time and not actually delivering anything as both can find it difficult to say no it might also be a good idea to avoid entrusting them with too much money challenging combinations at the same time time there are two very complicated combinations this doesn't mean that they won't be able to work together but it definitely means that there are obstacles that need to be considered one possible solution is that both of them become more self-aware in the ways that they work and interact with each other look at the illustration on the following page the right column shows the things the person himself sees in his profile the left column shows how his exact opposite could perceive him in less favorable circumstances you've probably heard that a person is a real boore only to meet him and discover a very interesting person with lots of exciting things to say who's right and who's wrong it depends on whom you ask the problem lies in the interaction between each color and its exact opposite the positive image expresses how each profile experiences himself the negative image is an expression of how he can be experienced by others we all see different things genuine problems it would be quite a challenge to put a red and a green together issue solve a problem if the task depends on effective cooperation then issues will quickly arise in the beginning the green is very passive especially when compared to the red who gets going even before he's heard the instructions while the greens think it's burdensome to have to do their part the Reds have already started in a hurry the red will be very critical of the Green's constant moaning about the amount of work at the same time the green will think that the red is an aggressive son of a [ __ ] who never listens nevertheless under favorable circumstances it may work out in general a green is prepared to operate that's their strength they function well with many other people because they're more accommodating than demanding so there can be a certain logic in setting a red with a green a red likes giving orders and a green is usually okay with receiving orders based on marsten's theories cpage 227 the greatest challenge of all is to ask a yellow and a blue to work together if neither of them is aware of how their personalities work there will be friction from the outset the yellow dives into the task without the slightest idea what to do or how to do do it he doesn't read any instructions and he doesn't listen long enough to find out what the task is actually about he'll speak at Great length about what an exciting project they've been given in the meantime the blue starts reading and researching all the material available he doesn't say a word but just sits there more or less motionless he thinks the yellow on the one hand will consider him to be the most uninspiring boar he has ever met the blue on the other hand will only be disturbed by the yellow's Perpetual verbal barrage he'll slowly begin to boil beneath the surface because of the incessant buzzing around him he believes that the yellow is a frivolous wind back not deserving any attention whatsoever and when the yellow finally realizes that he hasn't won the Blue over to his side he'll pull out all the stops and talk even more in the worst case he'll try to charm the blue which will end up driving them to disaster they'll sit in their own Corners with faces like they've tasted sour milk both mad for completely different reasons self-awareness my friend is the solution go green it is not easy to read and interpret everyone if a person only has one color then you won't have any problems with him once youve finished reading this book it will be obvious what you should do a person who is only red or only yellow is hard to miss but even the genuine greens or Blues are quite easy to detect if you know what to look for as I mentioned earlier statistically speaking only about 5% of the population has just one color that shows in their behavior around 80% have two and the rest have three no one has four not with the tool that I use it's also relatively easy to recognize people who have two colors two color combinations normally follow any of the axes so they are blue red red yellow yellow green or green blue it does happen of course that purely opposite qualities can be found in one and the same person I've met lots of yellow blue people there's nothing wrong with that it's just less common but what's really unusual is distinctly red green profile why this is the case I don't know on one occasion I met a woman who was a middle manager working for a company in the car industry she was determined and Powerful in her manner but at the same time she was extremely caring her care and attention for her employees was genuine and it had some strange results among other things she could lose her temper very quickly her telling Goofs were legendary once she realized this however she would do whatever she needed to soften the effects of her actions and repair the damage she felt genuinely bad for having been hard on various individuals but at the same time she couldn't control herself this friction between the two conflicting colors in her behavior red and green meant that she was very close to burnout people with three colors will always be more difficult to interpret if someone is very difficult to place on the map it may very well be because he has three colors the situation will determine what his behavior will be the best advice I can give if you really can't analyze the person you meet is to shut your mouth and start listening simply act green if you are unsure people sometimes tells me that they can't understand a certain person because he doesn't do anything but even a person who is very passive exhibits some form of behavior and at this stage you know what color is associated with someone who doesn't do much that's a common blue Behavior 15 written communication how to evaluate someone when you can't meet in person many things are revealed in the way we write different colors have distinct writing styles some take the time to express themselves while others keep brief if you have the chance to read through a longer writing sample that the person in question has written a report a column a letter or a letter to the editor you have lots to go on very often it's possible to detect a color in the written word if you're a person of few words and speech you can also be the same in your writing and vice versa if the only thing you have is an email then you have to go on what you have let's say that you're replying to a customer's message you want to prepare yourself properly you look carefully at how his email reads is it factual is there any kind of Personal Touch is it short and concise or does it seem to have been written a little spontaneously all of these little details are important signals that you can use to your advantage as usual there are plenty of exceptions but there are still patterns to be aware of here are some examples of what this can look like from christian. Johnson te communication. comom to china. cison c.net subject meeting meeting tomorrow morning at 11: be punctual K what do you think is K screaming because he used capital letters it's not clear it could be that he just wanted to stress that the time for the meeting is important maybe he was rushing out somewhere it doesn't matter to him that the person receiving the email might be put off by the abrupt style and the caps lock as always or red can live with that get a grip he just wanted to be clear your action reply instantly be short and concise one way might be to Simply reply okay from christian. Johnson teamc communication. comom to china. cisen c.net subject meeting Hello China what's up were you at the game last night I saw that Lassie was there he spilled his drink all over himself and I thought that I would never stop laughing check out the picture I put on Facebook by the way I thought that we could sit down and chat about that customer tomorrow morning before lunch if it works for you is 11:00 okay ciao Krill from christian. Johnson at team communication. comom to china. cison c.net subject meeting oh I forgot to attach the photo anyway here it is krill even in writing a yellow expresses himself in a very spontaneous and easygoing manner he likes to share stories and keep things personal note the social Babble about poor lass and his drink a good laugh that must be highlighted to attract your attention your reply there isn't any need to rush but don't fail to respond or he'll feel insecure be cordial as well don't forget to thank him for the funny picture and mention that you laughed at his story from christian. Johnson team communication. comom to ch. cisen c.net subject meeting I just wanted to remind you about the meeting tomorrow at 11 hope it still works for you I'm going to bring in some homemade cinnamon buns to have with our coffee have a good one with kind regards Christian a softer more personal tone Christian had probably polished this email appropriately to make sure there was nothing controversial in it reminding people about meetings that were booked a long time previously can be perceived as slightly offensive by some people so here we want to be certain that nothing can be misinterpreted and how do you respond to this Pleasant email be personal and benign in return express your thanks you don't have to say that it will be great to have some cinnamon buns but if you do it won't do any harm then remember to take it easy and not to stress at the meeting from christian. Johnson team communication. comom to china.in c.net subject meeting good morning Christina ahead of tomorrow's meeting with our client I would appreciate it if you could familiarize yourself with the necessary background information I've attached three documents relating to the issue greetings Christian Johnson Plus 46748 8080 copy of dates and participants. xlit strategy update ug gmt. docf flyer template 27nov 2014.doc the original invitation to the meeting was sent out a long time ago but you've already figured that out right an alarm was probably set on the computer to send out a reminder about the meeting a day beforehand the text in the email is factual and doesn't contain even a trace of a personal touch there is a little note reminding you that it's best to be well prepared what's the best way to answer to this blue email confirm that you've received it along with the files say that you will get back to him if you have any questions after reading through the material and know that the sender assumes you'll read the whole thing carefully 16 what makes us as mad as hell temperament can reveal everything about a person at the End of This Book I will present you with a history lesson it is all about hypocrates for temperaments describing the same differences that this book is all about it's possible to draw conclusions about someone's Behavior based on his temperament by Temper or temperament I don't just mean what frustrates a person but rather how he reacts when something unexpected happens another way of saying this might be to talk about a person's disposition it can be how he reacts to changing circumstances and what sort of energy he has but yes anger is a good and exciting Gauge by which to judge a person's color moreover it's situational what upsets one person may not upset someone else in the least by observing how someone reacts when things go wrong you can get some important Clues let me give you an example of a quick diagnosis what the hell for the sake of Simplicity let's compare different temperaments to different types of drinking glasses I would suggest a shot glass for a red temperament but you might say that little glass doesn't hold much indeed it doesn't and many Reds function like that too it doesn't take much for them to lose their temper and erupt it could be about traffic jams missed phone calls someone moving too slowly on the escalator not getting their own way that someone is just generally dense remember that of all the colors they are the ones most often surrounded by idiots for a red there are many reasons to be irritated a red strength is that when they explode they rid themselves of any anger or irritation they've been feeling they erupt briefly but it doesn't last the shot glass may be quick to reach capacity but it doesn't take long to empty it they simply empty the shot glass of anger and frustration and they're back to being themselves I'm not referring to how those are on the red perceive things the advantage is that for all their raging it usually subsides quite quickly a red can rarely manage to be angry for long he blurts out what he wants to say and then he moves on sure he can leave many confused people around him but that's their problem he's finished with the episode then something deeply upsetting happens again and he just erupts and again and again imagine that you pick up the shot glass and pour it out over your desk not nice but quite manageable you can always clean it up but remember the shot glass fills up just as quickly as it was emptied it will happen again many perceive a Red's temperament as totally unpredictable it can erupt at any time nevertheless I don't think it's that unpredictable if you know the person in question you probably also know what triggers his anger however it's important to know that a red doesn't consider himself an angry person he's just given someone a piece of his mind or maybe raised his voice at him again it's just a way of communicating but to a green it might seem that a red is angry even when he's just sharing his opinion so much is in the eye of the beholder it's common that many people simply back off to avoid confronting the red and triggering his anger but by letting their anger get the best of them all the time Reds miss out on a lot of feedback I am very upset do you even hear what I'm saying even the cheerful yellow loses his temper don't let anyone tell you otherwise although yellows generally have a sunny optimistic disposition they have a temper as well like Reds they are active perceptive people this means that they have a lot to react to and if you're quick thinking and your tongue sometimes gets away from you well then things can happen What comes out your Face's front door isn't always well thought out because yellows are very expressive and emotional at the same time you'll know in advance when the Mercury starts Rising an observant person won't have any problem noticing that a yellow is on the verge of bursting the look in his eyes intensifies his gestures become impetuous his voice is raised all this happens but it happens gradually if the red temperament is like a shot glass then we can liken the yellow temperament to an everyday drinking glass it holds more and it's easier to see when it's full the level rises a little at a time and if you're paying attention you'll have no problem observing this as it happens now if we take the tumbler of milk and pour it out all over your desk what's the result it will be a lot Messier and much soggier than when we pour out the shot glass right many important papers are destroyed and it requires more than a single paper towel to dry it all up but we can still handle the situation even this temperamental Outburst can be managed without too many serious complications there are also advantages in a yellow's temperament he'll feel guilty that he laid into someone close to him colleague family member neighbor or maybe even you so he'll make an extra effort to be kind the next time you meet he'll have an uneasy conscience something a red wouldn't be able to comprehend if a person happens to be a combination of red and yellow things can get tough in this case there's a lot of ego in the room and you won't quite know what's happening depending on the driving forces and motivational factors the individual may have he can assert his own position almost to the point of absurdity genuine yellows can let their egos get in the way most of the time the advantage however is that due to their bad memory they don't hold grudges for long they quickly forget that there were any problems an ability that can make greens and blues find yellows to be a little bit too exciting beware the fury of a patient man beware indeed do you recognize this old saying the person who coined it probably had a green in mind you may never have seen a green loses temper it may very well be that your good friend the friendly and gentle pal you've never had a serious argument with hasn't ever shown even a shred of bad temper does that mean that this is a person who can't get angry not at all it just means that instead of turning his temper outwards it's oriented in another Direction inwards I Would Like An green temperament to a 50-gallon beer barrel can you imagine how many shot glasses it would take to fill it we could fill fill and fill even more before we even start covering the bottom of it many greens function like that they receive and accept without objecting this is very much connected to their desire to avoid conflict but also to their inability to say no they simply agree because it's easier that way does this mean that greens don't have their own opinions not at all they have just as many opinions about things as anyone else they just don't talk about their opinions and this is often the problem they fill the barrel week in and week out but green accepts one perceived Injustice After the other note that I said perceived it may take several years before the barrel is full now take this barrel lift it up and pour the contents out over your desk what happens everything will be washed away the water in the barrel will not only wash away everything on your desk away even the desk itself and you along with it will go out with the flood too there's no stopping it you said that I didn't finish the project on time really really last week you said that I didn't do it well enough now let me tell you this a year ago you promised me a new office and it still hasn't materialized and when I was hired here back in 1997 you said the same thing and now let me tell you everything has to come out just make sure that you're not the spark that sets it all off the problem is large scale greens don't release any anger or frustration but control their emotions so as not to create trouble or stand out but they feel and experience just as much as everyone else does they just lack the natural tools to release everything but we can help by becoming facilitators we can ask questions invite them in and look for signals look at their body language to see if there are signs of disapproval create a healthy environment around a green so that he becomes comfortable enough to say what he thinks so that he doesn't have to continually compromise his position otherwise he he will turn all his frustration inwards and we know what this kind of stress can do to a person I have my own private Theory which I certainly cannot prove scientifically but I suspect that this may be the main reason why greens suffer burnout they carry anxiety anguish and even anger for so long that it eventually makes them ill it's a noticeable problem that should be taken seriously a complaint a day during an extremely stressful period in my earlier career in the banking sector I once heard a comment about a blue all of us were working every day and night and many of us were showing the stress frustration was hanging in the air our credit controller was in the middle of the whole thing nothing got to her she never even acted stressed her face was absolutely indecipherable and her gestures were as limited and moderate as always while the rest of us ate our lunch on the go she took her full 60 minutes and ate in peace and quiet it was as if nothing could disturb her peace then one of my yellow red colleagues said she's not normal she doesn't have any feelings in her body back then it sounded logical to me but when you think about it it can't be True Blues simply have less need to communicate than greens so they simply don't do it some things are turned inwards even for blues those who are quick thinkers May wonder if Blues run the risk of burnout just as much as greens do not at all they have a system to keep stress under control metaphorically speaking Blues have as big a beer barrel as greens have but there is one crucial difference at the bottom of the barrel there's a handy little tap this tap gives a blue a valve to release part of the contents of the barrel he can regulate the pressure whenever he wishes to moreover the tap leaks it's not tight enough to create a perfect seal and small drops drip most of the time a Blue's dissatisfaction comes out in the form of tiny grumblings just look someone has misplaced the pen again typical now I'll have to finish this off myself as usual I get the most boring task there's no structure here typical and so he goes on his pin Pricks affect those around him but what they hear all the time is just a muttering trumpet The Embers don't fan into a fire we interpret it as a Perpetual whining but the discontent is real and because a blue isn't sufficiently active to instigate something he'll argue about things rather than doing something about them it's all based on complaints that others should see what he sees that he doesn't have any authority to act or that he's simply in a bad mood but for him this is a great way of keeping the pressure under control so the barrel will never need to be emptied out over somebody's desk and thus serious catastrophes are avoided the way to manage is nagging is to ask counter questions ask for concrete examples ask for suggestions for improvement it may in fact be the case that the blue has solved the problem that is plaguing him but then he needs a straight question in order for him to step forward and suggest a solution what can you do about the fact that people don't get pissed off in the same way with these simple observations in mind you can quickly form an idea of what type of person you're dealing with pay attention to how he reacts under stress and pressure but at the same time remember that no system is perfect these are only indications and they apply only to individual colors besides as I wrote previously different situations can give rise to completely different forms of conduct generally speaking the more important a particular thing is for a certain person the stronger his reaction will be see for yourself if someone insults your neighbor you might think it was unfair but you don't make a big scene out of it however if someone were to insult your husband or wife you would be absolutely Furious that's just one example there are many levels and degrees of difference to reflect on 17 stress factors and energy thieves what is stress anger is one thing stress is another sometimes one is a consequence of the other but not always some people become angry because of stress others become stressed because of anger when we speak about stress we often mean the feeling of having too much to do and too little time to do it there's not enough time to do everything at work and then on top of that factor in the time needed to go to the gym meet with friends spend time with family do various kinds of recreational activities Oh and maybe sleep however the stress that makes us truly suffer is often due to things apart from a lack of time if you feel pressure and have high expectations about what you will do and how you were meant to be you can become stressed even if you aren't really pressed for time pressure demands and expectations create stress and can make you feel self-critical and Powerless you may find it difficult to sleep or may feel physical pain in your body simply put the feeling of stress arises when we experience greater demands and expectations than we can cope with different people react differently to stress what a surprise seriously though all of us react differently distress different people can experience the same event in different ways and a person can experience similar events differently at different times the things you have been through in the past and how you are feeling right now all have an effect on how you act and react if you're well rested and feeling fine you could experience a tough week at work as an invigorating challenge despite your heavy workload but if you're tired and feeling down on yourself you may experience the same weak as something horrible and demoralizing how does your color affect your stress it says nothing about your stress threshold that is how much stress you can bear but it can say something about what stresses you and how you react to stress previously I mentioned the concept of driving forces whatever forces motivate me to get up out of bed every morning Dash to work and go the extra mile this book doesn't deal with this Dimension but it's easy to see that we become stressed when we feel that we're spending too much time on the wrong things once you've understood what the most important stress factors in your life are you'll be better equipped to avoid them when possible if you're a manager responsible for a number of people and you know their behavior profiles you can avoid the worst pitfalls a great deal of stress can be avoided if you know how and you can retain the group's productivity the rest of the chapter is written with an element of irony and I urge you to read it in that way stress factors for Reds if you would like to stress out a red you can try one of the following to lower his self-confidence take every form of authority away not being involved in decision-making is really difficult for red he always believes that he has better ideas and so he also believes that he should be the one in charge of the project achieve no results whatsoever if we're not making immediate Headway then all our work has been a waste such an Insight can trigger severe stress reactions in a red and those around him should be on their guard he'll look for scapegoats eliminate any kind of challenge if everything is too easy it becomes boring red Behavior hinges on one thing the ability to handle problems and difficult challenges if there are no problems to solve then Reds will lack stimulation they'll become passive believing that they they have absolutely nothing to do they can slow down the pace and this can be difficult to reverse waste time and resources and work as inefficiently as possible just sitting around doing nothing is a waste of time not that this is necessarily what we're actually doing but in the mind of a red if you don't get the maximum productivity out of your time it's wasteful and particularly stressful from a managerial perspective he is probably evaluated on the organization's efficiency make sure that everything becomes a routine mundane and repetitive task are the kiss of death for a red it's simply boring Reds lose their concentration and will find something else to do routine work is not what they're good at they're lousy at details and they know it someone else needs to take care of the dull routine work because a red believes that he has a better understanding of the big picture make a bunch of stupid mistakes mistakes are one thing but stupid mistakes well that's something completely different it's so overwhelmingly unnecessary if a red believer his colleagues are brainless he gets crazy why don't they understand what they're supposed to do how hard can it be give him no control over others a Red's need for control can be extensive it's not about controlling facts and details they want to control people what they do how they do it and so on without this control or red gets very frustrated tell them regularly to cool down or the low's voice they get crazy when people say that they're angry when they're not they will always be a little more hot tempered an average but this doesn't actually mean that they're angry and it's precisely this accusation that can get them to become angry really angry what does a red do when he gets stressed and feels pressured he blames everyone else as a red is often surrounded by idiots it's easy for him to single out scapegoats and he can easily overdo things when he wants to take someone a task for having made a mess of things be aware that's my advice to you because you'll feel the sting of his wrath Reds are always more demanding than other color they expect a lot from themselves and they expect a lot from you when under stress they're also excessively demanding and driven much more than usual the red will shut out his other colleagues he becomes closed Burrows into the task at hand and works even harder remember that his anger and frustration is lurking just beneath the surface so please be careful about what you do in his presence can I help Reds to manage their stress if you have the authority to give a direct order the answer is simple ask them to get a hold of themselves it actually works another way to make it easier for Reds in stressful situations is to send them home and tell them to do some physical exercise anything to burn some of that frustrated Restless energy send them to a place where they can run in some kind of competition spending their energy on winning something that will be of no importance to the group when they come back most of their aggression will have dissipated stress factors for yellows if for any reason you would like to get a yellow to feel stress try one of the following to get him off balance pretend he's invisible you remember a yellow's driving impulse right look at me here I am if you want to get him off balance simply make him feel invisible if he's not visible then he doesn't exist he feel ignored and overlooked and this is guaranteed to cause stress become very skeptical any person manifesting lots of skepticism is very negative something that stresses yellows they want to see the positive and the light and consider even everyday realists to be profets of Doom pessimism and negativity effectively kill yellow's enthusiasm and cause them to feel tense structure work as much as possible just like Reds yellow shun routine repetitive tasks and jam-pack schedules they happily create schedules for others but they can't follow them themselves force them into one of your plans and you'll see how your yellow friends will begin to unravel isolate him from the rest of the group for a yellow the absence of someone to talk to is perhaps the worst thing ever it's the end of the world because they need to talk there must be someone there to listen being trapped in an office space with only a desk for company is a punishment worse than death it's like being deported to Siberia make clear that it's inappropriate to joke at work no joking around and no sense of humor is this a funeral parlor I once got exactly that comment from a yellow who discovered that Consultants didn't have time to Monkey about she was very stressed out by all the seriousness and left before her probation period was over pushy yellow to think carefully beforehand twice suppressing a yellow spontaneity is like holding down the lid on a saucepan when the milk is boiling over it simply doesn't work it creates a terrible mess and everyone gets involved when yellows loudly and intensely invite everyone else into their stress spiral remember that a yellow stress will always be noticed don't believe otherwise continuously squabble and fuss about insignificant things having to face incessant confrontations is exhausting this is something of a paradox because yellows aren't afraid of conflict like greens but if there's too much bickering it will disrupt their desire for fun and positivity which causes stress they can cope with squabbling but when it becomes too much yellows won't be at the top of their game and they lose their usual luster try a little public humiliation a yellow who has been given negative feedback in the presence of others won't be a pleasant sight to behold it's enough to make him never speak to you again moreover he'll also become incredibly defensive and you'll achieve nothing at all what does a yellow do when he getss stressed and feels pressured be prepared for the fact that he'll draw attention to himself even more than usual his ego makes it impossible for him not to seek out more attention and affirmation since he has to compensate for the negative feelings of stress this means that he'll actively look for attention which makes him feel better the risk is that he'll talk too much and force himself into the center of everything maybe you thought that this was imposs but he also runs the risk of becoming excessively and unrealistically optimistic you've never experienced a real challenge until you've tried to cope with a truly stressed out yellow he'll come up with plans that are so wild and outlandish that not even he can believe them this is just a natural coping mechanism for him can I help yellows to manage their stress let a yellow organize a party he urgently needs to meet people in Social contexts he can sink very deep into his own misery if he remains under stress for too long when things are at their worst suggest a pub crawl a party or why not just a simple barbecue it doesn't need to be fancy but make sure he gets to enjoy himself for a while also make sure that it's fun stress factors for greens if you for any reason would like to get a green to feel stress I propose the following unpleasant things take every form of security away from him give him tasks that he's never done before without explaining anything whatsoever to him but at the same time expect perfect implementation leave him alone in meetings with people who place unreasonable demands on him don't support him when things heat up in a conversation send an angry red to rant at him the stress will soon follow leave lots of loose ends unfinished tasks and loose ends are deeply disturbing greens like to know how things fit together and when they don't understand how the process works it won't go well unfinished projects things that have been started but are drawn out without any end in sight really mess things up for greens this is why yellows are phenomenal at causing stress for greens hang around him constantly if a green doesn't get his private space if there's nowhere he can withdraw from the world he gets very stressed he likes other people of course but he needs to be alone with himself also if this isn't possible then he can't think anymore make lightning fast changes and unexpected changes of Direction This is the specialty of Reds and yellows quick decisions that they don't always explain greens are miserable when they're forced into making unexpected and rapid changes and they often respond by ending up in a state of absolute indifference the worst kind of change is when a green gets an order in the morning and just as he begins to reflect on how he will do it a counter order comes asking would you be so good as to redo the whole thing from beginning to end having to redo a task is synonymous with failure if something must be redone it can only beat because your work wasn't good enough the first time in other words negative feedback by extension this means that you're not good enough as a person which of course is extremely stressful tell a green look here We can't agree on absolutely everything disagreements in a work group or in the family inevitably lead to stress only troublemakers enjoy conflict friction in the most imper group the family is particularly serious a green won't know what he should do push him into the spotlight under no circumstances will greens want to take Center Stage when they're in larger groups groups of more than three people would be considered large groups unless the green knew everyone very well if you force a green into such a situation he'll just stare at his feet everyone can see how uneasy he is and the rest of the group will also be stressed not good what does a green do when he gets stressed and feels pressured he becomes very reserved and almost cold his body language becomes rigid and closed and if you're the one who triggered a stress he won't have anything to do with you some greens can exhibit strong apathy they become cold and unsympathetic even towards people whom in normal circumstances they care very much about they also become very hesitant and uncertain stress makes greens insecure and afraid of making mistakes it can be at work but also at home if a child gets sick a green becomes passive and just looks on because he's afraid of doing the wrong thing he'll also internalize the blame for the situation and may become completely closed at work it may be slightly different it depends many greens end up in a rot of obstinacy or stubbornness provoking those around them by refusing to change anything even when they see that a particular method is not working well they can refuse to act it seems strange but the typical green stubbornness gets the upper hand and prevents them from doing anything can I help greens to manage their stress allow them to do nothing give them free time for things like gardening sleep or other forms of relaxation maybe something like sending them off to a movie not with a large group of people but possibly on their own or giving them a good book that takes 2 days to read they don't really want to do anything let them do nothing until the stress subsides then they'll be back to their normal selves stress factors for blues if you for any reason would you like to get a blue to feel stress just upset every one of his calculations tell him you don't know what you're talking about you may think that Blues don't take criticism personally but if they believe that the criticism is untrue and unfounded it can be very hard on them not because they're afraid of conflict or that your relationship will suffer but because their sense of perfection is being bmer merged have the management team make a spontaneous decision of blue is often okay with change because he doesn't ever consider anything completely perfect but he needs to know the motivations behind the change if it's not in the plan then it's unplanned and a lack of planning indicates poor structure not good inevitably this leads to headaches tell him this could be risky or uncertain but we're going to go ahead anyway there's a certain amount of risk in everything a blue sees risks everywhere if a red were to say that jumping from a plane without a parachute is a huge risk a blue would say that it's risky to buy a new lawn mower you never really know what can happen and the faster things go the greater the risks become surprise him with something like your in-laws are coming over unannounced fantastic it's a matter of order and structure of working at a relaxed pace or renovating the kitchen according to a clearly established plan if half the family were to drop in all of a sudden it would upset everything you should never try to surprise a blue since he may not have communicated his own plans completely you can create quite a problem say Hoops a daisy what happened here mistakes are made by Blockheads and careless people Blues don't make mistakes so when everyone else makes a mess of things and disrupts his plans of blue might simply close the door and refuse to listen he doesn't want to hear that the project has crashed he just wants to keep doing his part even if that task no longer makes any sense tell him forget about the bureaucracy let's innovate don't you have any imagination we have to be a bit more flexible here this is a great way to get a blue lose his footing at work people who break the rules and go against the regulations are to be regarded with suspicion and you need to keep them on a short leash if a blue realizes that he's in the hands of an organization that pays no attention whatsoever to proper procedures he can show considerable resistance remind him we simply need to take bigger risks A variation on the preceding point right is right and proper preparation is the be all and end all the Alpha and Omega it even says so in a book so on blue can't prepare himself in his sometimes extremely cumbersome way it triggers stress he's the opposite of spontaneous and you simply can't force a blue to respond to a situation before he's had time to acquaint himself with the subject he'll have so many reservations he won't be any use surround him with overly emotional people nope sloppy sentimentality is downright unpleasant it's messy and awkward and a blue doesn't like it logic is what counts and if you overlook this he'll find it very trying he'll make himself scarce and he'll never forget that you're an overly emotional person who doesn't use your brain in the same way he uses his what does a blue do when he gets stressed and feels pressure he becomes excessively pessimistic oh yes it actually gets worse than usual suddenly everything becomes pitch black and he falls into a pit of despair lethargy is common and nothing is of Interest anymore gloom and doom will rain down on all of us he also gets unbearably pedantic when they feel Str stress many people increase their Pace in order to compensate not a blue he stops on the brakes Now isn't the time for making any mistakes those around him can expect constant criticism he'll suddenly point out every little mistake he observes and there are quite a few he might also become an unbearable know-it-all can I help Blues to manage their stress they need privacy they must be given time and space to think they want to analyze the situation and understand the connections and they need to be given time to do just that if you give them space they will come back eventually but if they fall too deeply into a funk you may need to offer them more proactive help conclusion what can we learn from studying different people under stress when under stress an individual's normal conduct and behavior are reinforced and exaggerated a red becomes even tougher and more aggressive towards those around him a yellow becomes more sulky and unstructured a green becomes even more passive and non-committal than usual and a blue can become completely closed and split hair is so thin that they're not even visible to the naked eye the most important thing is to avoid stressing people unnecessarily of course you knew that already but it can be helpful to understand what actually causes stress for each profile to push a red is not as stressful as pushing a green or a blue on the contrary you have to push a red for him to bounce back if everything were to go smoothly he would just get bored the situation your profile the time of day the level of work the group the weather lots of things determine stress in our lives but if you pay attention it will work out perfectly 18 a short reflection through history people have always been like this the background to everything you've read so far this chapter explains how I arrived at the research that forms the basis of the information in this book if you're not interested in history or references or research or things that take time from your otherwise full life you can skip this chapter for everybody else a long time ago in all cultures there has always been a need to categorize people when the Stone Age period was over and we became more reflective as people we discovered that all over the world people were different was surprise but how different are people really and how have those differences been described there are probably as many methods as there are cultures on Earth but I'll share some examples the Greeks hypocrates who lived for centuries before Christ is considered the father of medicine unlike many other Physicians of that time he wasn't superstitious he believed that disease originated in nature and didn't come from the gods for example hypocrates believed that epilepsy was caused by a blockage in the brain nowadays this is common knowledge but back then it was revolutionary humoral pathology or the theory of the four humors or four bodily fluids has to do with the four temperaments according to Epocrates our temperament is the fundamental way we react it's our Behavior or our natural frame of mind our temperament controls our Behavior hypocrates believes believe that your health is good when the four humors blood yellow bile black bile and fleem are in Balance when we vomit cough or sweat for example the body is trying to rid itself of one or more of these substances the word Chloe comes from Greek and means yellow bile therefore a cerate person is controlled by yellow bile or the liver fiery and temperamental cerate people sometimes frighten those around them with their powerful ways coloric can be translated as hot blooded the Latin word sandwi means blood a sanguin person is controlled by the blood by the heart creative and happy go-lucky he spreads Positive Vibes around him full of blood and therefore optimistic and cheerful he has an Airy manner a synonym for a sanguin person is an optimist a fmatic person gets his influences from the brain fem means nothing more than mucus mucus is viscous which symbolizes a fmatic person's temperament a fmatic person is sluggish and slow in movement finally a melancholic person has an excess of black bile the Greek Melena Chloe simply means black bile found in the spleen and is therefore often perceived as melancholic and gloomy a common synonym for a melancholic person is a pessimist and there we have hypocrates and his theories in a nutshell the ancient people with an eye for color the Aztecs the Aztecs were a powerful people who lived in central Mexico from The 14th Century to the 16th century they are known for their incredibly Advanced civilization and impressive temples when they tried to divide people into different categories they used some they knew well the four elements fire air earth and water to this day the four elements are used to describe different frames of mind but nobody really knows if the Aztecs were the first to actually come up with this idea but we do know for a fact that they used this idea because they left carvings illustrating this approach fire people were exactly as it sounds fiery explosive a bit hot-headed they were Warrior types who took to the sword to get their own way leaders air people were different they were also detered determined but considerably more easygoing they swept in like a captivating wind kicking up a little dust in the process Earth people worked for the village for the collective they had to exemplify stability and security they were there to create long- lasting things to build for the future what about water people water was an element the Aztecs had respect for water can Crush everything in its path but you can also bottle it if you know how to do it quiet and secure water people observed everything that was happening as you can see these divisions bear quite a resemblance to the theories propounded by Epocrates they're only different names for the same thing William Molton Marston William Molton marsten created a calid blood pressure test that was used in an attempt to detect fraud the discovery resulted in the modern lie detector but marsten was also the author of essays and popular psychology in 1928 he published his work emotions of normal people in which he investigated the differences in the behavior patterns of healthy people earlier both both young and Freud had published studies involving mentally unstable people but marsten was a kind of pioneer Who provided the foundations for what became known as the dam model the model that is the basis for this book a few years after discovering maron's work in the 1950s Walter Clark developed the disa concept based on Marston's observations as you've seen this is a model used to categorize the different types of human behavior his work has been an endless source of valuable insights about behavior and human interactions but it has not been without its critics however ever a great deal of work has been done since Marston's days and over the years many other people have been involved in fine-tuning the dissat tool marsten found a way to demonstrate how people were different he noted distinct differences between personalities which formed the basis for the model used in this book nowadays we use the following divisions dominance produces activity in an antagonistic environment inspiration produces activity in a favorable environment submission produces passivity in a favorable environment compliance produces passivity in an antagonistic environment the four letters d i s and C dominance inspiration submission and compliance form the acronym of the dis profile that is used throughout the world marsten used the word compliance however in this book I render this as analytic ability as that better describes the type of individuals the dominance trait in any given individual relates to how he approaches problems and deals with challenges inspiration refers to a person who likes to influence others a person with this trait will always be able to convince others in simple terms you could say that dominance is about acting and inspiration is about interacting the degree of stability is measured primarily by how receptive an individual is to change a strong need for stability means a person is resistant to change while someone who enjoys change will have a lower need for stability this leads of course to a number of specific behavior patterns like a nostalgic belief in the long lost good old days for instance finally analytic ability shows how willing someone is to follow rules and regulations of course this also produces certain characteristics that are interrelated here we find those who can't accept that things go wrong quality is important you've probably noticed that regardless of whether it's a product of modern psychology or the ancient Aztecs in Latin America these behavoral traits are all associated with the same color the colors aren't critical it's only a way to make it easier for those who aren't familiar with the system to make sense of the profiles as a consultant I've trained people in this topic for 20 years and I found that the colors facilitate learning marsten finished researching this topic sometime in the 1930s many others have used his research and developed a tool that according to the most recent data has been used by nearly 50 million people for the past 35 years for example the American Bill bondad are made invaluable achievements in creating definitive tools that help analyze the whole individual in the United States a company TTI success insights offers a comprehensive anal Anis tool but it's always helpful to remember that though in theory there's no difference between the concept on the page and the practice in the real world there's a big difference indeed I've described the four main traits that marsten pointed out but remember that most of us are a combination of two colors 19 voices from real life the book you are holding in your hands is a translation from Swedish of the fourth edition of surrounded by idiots how to understand those who cannot be understood when the Swedish Edition was published about 15,000 people in Sweden Reddit I wrote this book because for many years in various context at training courses lectures Etc people always asked me where can we read more about this system up until now the answer has always been nowhere then I wrote this book and now you've read it as a writer I always want to know what people think about what I have written because I also write fiction I know out hearing the truth can be like an electric shock but at the same time I like to challenge myself so I interviewed four people with entirely different profiles asking their views about the system itself but also about how they see their everyday lives based on the color they have as you read pay attention to how they answer the questions not just to what they say you can learn just as much from how they respond as you can from the responses themselves Helen CEO of a private company with approximately 50 employees mostly Red without any green or blue a small dab of yellow what do you think of this tool dis a language I think it seems to be an effective way to avoid misunderstandings I understood immediately what it was all about so I think the book could have been shorter half as long maybe I would have concentrated the text more I don't like repetition but sure it's a useful tool Last Christmas I gave a copy to all my co-workers as a gift and asked that they read it and almost everybody did what is the most important takeaway for you from the book that I no longer have to beat around the bush now my staff know that I'm not an evil desperate I'm just red they understand that I'm not angry just determined the most interesting thing was reading about blue Behavior I'd never reflected on why they saw things so differently than I do now I understand that the process itself is important for them which is why they take such a long time anything else no well yellows I've always wondered about them all that Babble I have some acquaintances who are like that they just sit down and blow a lot of hot air in your face without really saying anything much my neighbor's like that he plans all the time but none of his plans actually take off it doesn't bother me but his wife must be insane by now and at my company the yellows get too little done but it's not a major problem in my opinion I just stand firm and demand that they deliver I can live with their sour faces I'm not there to be soft and cuddly what is your experience of green Behavior sure yes well what can I say they're needed too loyal and dutiful but in all honesty I'd never realized that they talk behind my back but it's definitely true they're phenomenal at spreading rumors even making the smallest change starts off a storm of Gossip in the lunchroom speculations about one thing after the other usually completely Incorrect and based on wrong information it would be easier if they just came straight to me with their questions I mean how hard can it be to step into the manager's office and just ask they know that I'll always answer honestly so beating around the bush is frustrating I don't know how many times I've said that we have to just be honest with each other at this firm is that so hard why do you think they don't share what they're thinking with you they're afraid that I'll get angry of course I've never thought about it before they think that I'm short-tempered because on occasion I raise my voice or glare at someone but that just means that I'm trying to highlight that what I've said is important personally I couldn't care less if a conversation is a little tense it's not the same thing as being angry but it was news to me that some people actively avoid strong individuals what I don't understand is how this happens between grown-ups you consider it immature Behavior not saying what you think immature dishonest actually a lot like a child who refuses to admit that he took the chocolate chip cookie even though he wasn't allowed to I know that he did it so what's the point denying it that's something I really don't understand just admit your mistakes why is that so hard admit what you've done or not done and then we can move on but denying it or avoiding it it drives me insane okay let's consider the other colors you said that you find Blues the easiest to deal with relatively easy with yellows but what about other rents how is it working with people that have the same profile you have usually no problem we do what we have to do I have a management team consisting of five people besides myself I would say that that three are red or wait now two are red and one red yellow one is blue the controller and the last one is hard to say he's both Visionary and at the same time focuses on the details can a person be yellow blue yes a common combination but no green and the Teen then no how does your red Behavior function in general do you think well before reading the book and discovering my personal profile I never thought that much about it I hadn't really reflected on the way I approach things but the more I read the more I realized that I was the cause of some of the problems I've had at work the thing about people hiding their real feelings was only one part of the story it never occurred to me that some people were afraid or intimidated by the way I behave there's been a lot of turbulence when I made decisions too quickly or when things weren't properly thought out of course I know that I need to think through things before I decide on anything but it just happens I get an idea and off we go implemented before lunch what are the consequences of these poorly thought out decisions do you have any examples tons once I accepted a job without even asking about the salary turns out I had to work 60 hours a week without a penny in overtime on one occasion I hired a person who turned out to be totally useless I hadn't asked for any references and I assumed that he knew what he was talking about he knew nothing about the industry or the product he was a complete scammer unfortunately he cost us a lot before I finally managed to get rid of him lots of money wasted though that doesn't sound ideal how are things outside of work how do you manage your personal relationships in those areas I think even less but it's kind of funny I showed the book to my husband and asked him to read it he didn't but I highlighted some areas that I insisted he read R Behavior red behavior and he did read some of it he probably recognized his wife he laughed a little but now that I think about it he didn't say anything in particular did he make any comments about green Behavior no how do you work together as a team how do we work together I tell him what needs to be done and he does it before he's finished with it I find something else for him to do and send him off to do it later on I get annoyed because he hasn't finished but he's never finished anything in his entire life we often laugh about this I create disorder but blame him I'm sure he doesn't have an easy life I understand what would you say your biggest challenges are based on your red Behavior some people take an eternity to make a simple decision and it drives me crazy I know I'm fast but some people are just painfully slow it doesn't make a difference if it's a friend or a cooworker for instance we said that we were going to buy an armchair for our living room because I work so much we agreed that my husband would here Helena raises her eyebrows and slowly a smile spreads across her face I agreed that he had to do all the research check online furniture stores secondhand shops and so on but nothing happened of course 2 days later when I asked him about it he hadn't done anything at all so the following day during lunch while I was in the bathroom I found five different options and sent them to him and when I got home 5 hours later he still hadn't done anything I exploded at him and he locked himself in the basement okay a good example thanks how long have you been married 14 years we met by chance I usually say that what attracted me to him was that he could keep his mouth shut when needed and he still does but sometimes I wish that he would take a little more initiative and just do things I've never actually asked him what he saw in me but how do you resolve your conflicts if he's green and you're red I don't think we actually have that many conflicts I'm a whole I'm the one who argues if anything happens but on the other hand he can get very sulky what do you mean by sulky he can walk around for days just moping normally I just ignore him he usually recovers but sometimes I get tired of all his sad faces and asking him what the problem is I confront him as it were what happens then what happens then well he says that there's no problem that everything's great but that's not true he's really easy to read so I always know if something is wrong the problem is that he refuses to admit that he's grouchy which usually means that he's upset because of something I did or said the problem is that I never remember anything I have to start guessing which is absolutely impossible often it's about some insignificant stray comment I made in passing usually something I forgot the minute I said it and if I don't guess correctly then he gets even grumpier it can go on for weeks I don't understand how he copes with it but how do you move on can't you sort it out well we just tend to sweep it under the rug I forget get about the whole thing but my husband stores the conflict in some private archive that only he knows about that shelf must be completely full by now Helena thanks for a moment you know I've always gotten in trouble for sharing my opinion for walking my own path I've never really fit in even as a child I did stupid things and took risks but now I'm glad that I took risks because it's taking me somewhere but it definitely hasn't always been easy how has your risk taking benefited you sitting and thinking about things leads nowhere it makes no difference how great your plans are if you don't get off your butt and carry them out I didn't always know where I was going but that never stopped me I've had some tough spots went bankrupt lost my job and things like that not that much fun but those things brought me to where I am now the way I see it it's not how much you know or how clever you are but what you actually do and I have always been good at that doing things what advice would you give to people who meet you what should they keep in mind don't be intimidated by the fact that sometimes I'm a little too pushy don't back off just because I can raise my voice a bit I'm not angry just because I push people but also that they have to get the show on the road my husband and I often talk about how different we are at delivering a message while he gives the background for 10 minutes and then comes to the point I go straight to the point and tell people what's important maybe I throw in a low background info but probably not people should keep in mind that you can work without talking all the time put your energy into the task at hand instead of a bunch of other things you can socialize on the weekend hackin seller of advertising space on one of the major commercial TV channels mostly yellow but with some splashes of green no blue or red what do you think of this tool dis a language really great an incredibly useful tool that more people should know about I recognize so much of myself in the book too it was brilliant I showed the book to everyone I know and we just had to laugh about how how accurate it was I've read most of the book mostly about yellows I don't agree with everything but most of it was spot on what parts of yellow Behavior did you think were most accurate that we yellows are very creative and resourceful people are always telling me that also I'm Adept at solving complex problems because I can see Solutions in a different way than everyone else what do you mean by different Einstein once said that you can't solve a problem with the same mindset as when you created it or something like that I think that's exactly right that's why I always approach any problem with new fresh eyes my customers always appreciate my creative thinking and I'm really good at winning people over I've always found it easy to charm people it is a kind of natural Talent actually I know lots of people I always have and I'm great at public speaking in school I was president of the student council and often spoke to the entire School the entire school yes to all the students or not to all not really okay usually to my grade all the freshmen but there was always a great atmosphere and people liked it since then I just love talking in front of people I'm often asked to be the spokesman in different contexts can you give me some examples oh yes when there are projects at work for example I'm always the one to report back to our bosses I give a great presentation at client meetings too if there are several of us from the firm I do the talking what do the others think about that no problem they like avoiding it lots of people have difficulty talking in front of people as you probably know were you a psychologist I know a girl who's a psychologist she works at a prison seems very interesting she says most of the prisoners are pretty miserable which isn't hard to believe I wouldn't make it being walked away like that I'm not actually a psychologist I'm a behavioral specialist there was one thing in the book that I didn't understand areas for improvement what did you think that meant the book talked about how yellows are quick to make decisions and that's true but I disagree with the idea that my decisions aren't well thought out I'm very analytically inclined I always do thorough research I gather all the facts before I decide on anything so in that regard the report book was off base I understand are there any other discrepancies that I use too many words when I criticize that's completely wrong I'm very concise and articulate so I don't think that was accurate also the bit about following instincts and going with your gut that's actually a good thing not a weakness to go more on feeling than on facts exactly humans are emotional beings so we should use our feelings especially me I'm very intuitive so it's something I'm really good at not everyone has good instincts so that's a real asset that may be true do you think people can develop their instinct thinks over time no it's something you're born with you either have it like me or you don't then it is too late to do anything about it no it's not too late that's was not what I meant but you said if people didn't have a gut feeling they couldn't develop that skill okay maybe I was exaggerating but it's definitely important do you ever need to keep emotions in check and use logic instead oh yes absolutely it's very important to think logically and rationally I always say that you have to look at what works and go from there I think that it's easier for someone like me who has some experience I have been a salesperson for many years so I know what to take into account I'm sorry but I am a little confused just now you told me that it was only gut feeling that was important how do you reconcile those two things you're twisting my words I never said that you shouldn't use logic what I'm saying is that you should go on that feeling and facts let's move on what was the most practical thing you learned after reading the book that Blues are boring though I already knew that beforehand I just didn't know that they were blue but those red tape jackasses well I remember once I was working on this project nothing too complicated and we'd already done the same thing before a special way to sell a new product line we had a couple of blue guys on the team they were smart well informed and everything but they never got started on the job they planned and wrote lists and made calculations and messed around with details but they didn't actually do anything maybe they weren't as good at using their Good Feeling what do you mean so you find it hard to work with Blues they can't keep up with me that's all has what you learned in the book affected your personal life in any way no I'm the same as I always I've got lots of friends the parties we organize at home or legendary the neighbors talk about them for months afterwards so you invite the neighbors too that sounds very nice oh no way they're boring as hell but what do the neighbors talk about then if they didn't even come to the party well man who knows haha what advice would you give the people who meet you what should they consider who meet me yes how would you like those around you to react let me tell you don't take life so seriously I mean we live only once people should remember that we should all let ourselves have fun at the same time and don't caught up in little things all the time move on don't get hung up on things I don't life's just a joy ride okay that's what you believe but what advice would you give to those who meet you how would you like to be treated with a smile you can get very far with a smile and when it comes to work how would you like to be treated there same thing I just said with a smile the rest will always work out okay there aren't any perfect people we all have our faults and shortcomings so what would you say your weaknesses are do you think I don't usually think in that way my focus has always been on positive things I like to emphasize the good things in life if everyone went around thinking about what doesn't work then nothing would get done right that's logical but every Behavior profile has weaknesses they don't just go away because we avoid talking about them that's not what I mean what I meant is that you shouldn't focus on negative things it's better to emphasize the positive God knows there's enough depressing stuff in the world already right take for instance green Behavior they worry about everything they see danger absolutely everywhere I mean you can't go around being anxious all the time it doesn't work like that I have a neighbor who's afraid of everything especially new things which are the things that I'm good at sometimes I think he's even scared of his own shadow or think about blue Behavior risk phobic everything is a risk for them even if you know the result you'll get they're still focused on the risks that's totally incomprehensible to me you're absolutely right greens aren't inclined to change things Blues get stuck analyzing risks do you see any weaknesses in red Behavior cantankerous that's what I think about Reds lots of them are actually quite nasty sure they're result oriented and whatnot but there's no need to be rude to get things done some of them can be so short you know you send them a nice long text message and the reply you get is just okay it takes 5 Seconds to write a longer message it doesn't cost anything and it's so much more personable I'm always very careful about how I express myself so you've analyzed the weaknesses in Reds greens and blues do you think that there are any areas for development for yellow Behavior yeah it all depends on self-awareness without self-awareness things can get a little crazy are you thinking of anything in particular the part about being a bad listener that's important cuz if you're not aware of it then the conversation can go south though sometimes you just can't sit around and listen a lot of times I'm forced to take command in meetings and run the show or else nothing will happen but I can keep things moving along so it works out very well okay so some yellows can learn to listen better what do things look like for you do you think you have any weaknesses you could be working on nothing that comes to mind Elizabeth employee at a public Healthcare organization a green with some elements of blue she has a hint of yellow but no red at all what do you think of this tool dis a language it was fun to read the book I felt like I already knew a lot about my behavior but I think this has made it even clearer now I know that Reds think I'm stubborn and that I'm a bit cautious by nature but I want everyone to be in agreement cooperation is important to me and I think everyone should feel like that what did you take away from the book my son gave me the book as a birthday present he's so kind he always gives me something even though I said I don't want any presents he's unemployed and has some money troubles but Philip is caring it took me a while to get started reading the book it was actually a little hard for me to get into it mostly because I was interrupted all the time but once I got going I enjoyed it there are such funny examples I read the sections about my husband colors allowed to him and we laughed a lot what colors do you think he has oh he's yellow and blue at the same time actually can someone be like that yes it's absolutely possible what did you think was funny the parts about him being optimistic about time he always believes that he'll get way more done than he actually does and then we hit traffic the second we get in the car or he hops into the shower 3 minutes before guests start arriving things like that but that optimism is part of the reason I fell for him 30 years ago he's a good guy my Tommy what will you take with you in the form of practical knowledge that I get on well with other greens which is good because there are so many of us I like the part about how greens take care of each other all the time that's important you've got to do that but nowadays it feels as if everyone is becoming more and more selfish but I don't think it will stay like that in the long run I also read a lot of about the yellows like my husband and about Blues like my sister she is very straight laced very rigid and a little bit uninterested uninterested in what in the rest of the world really she never asks how things are going and hardly calls you on your birthday hardly calls does that mean she doesn't call you on your birthday well she does but it feels like she's doing it out of obligation rather than out of genuine interest and she can be really critical as well Tommy readed our back deck a few years ago then IA came she is my sister and the first thing she did was start criticizing his work what did she say the first words out of her mouth were to point out that the deck railing was 2 de off from being level was it well it was a tiny bit crooked but why did she have to point that out he'd been working on the deck for several weeks and instead of complimenting his hard work she just started criticizing everything so it wasn't just the railing that she criticized what do you think about rents yes they're okay in their own way what do you mean they're very efficient they get a lot done and they're quick sometimes I wish I had a little more of that ambition in me but I don't I'm just me but you think it might be helpful to be a low red sometimes yes sure but you are who you are and they can be a bit tough how are they tough well a little bit insensitive and certain situations our department head is probably a red he'll say just about anything and the surgeons are terrible to deal with they boss people around however they want how does that affect you it's hard for me to deal with conflict you can't avoid it completely I know that but it's difficult when everyone is butting heads all the time so everyone is at Lauder heads all the time not really everyone and not all the time of course but we definitely have communication problems there's a bad atmosphere and the management doesn't listen a lot of us are suffering in that work environment I was on sick leave last year have you taken this up with your boss we tried to 5 years ago it didn't help much it got better for a while but then things just went back to normal okay so how are you feeling now it's all right we have a great team of people at work and that's important we stick together many of us have been working there for a long time and we wouldn't want to leave what do you think about your own color as a green how do you get on with the other colors well the reds are tricky of course they don't like greens though there are a lot more of us they complain about us I've heard this personally they say things they call us names unnecessarily what do you mean by that can you give a specific example I don't have a specific example but it's something you just know you feel it when you're dissatisfied it kind of hangs in the air you said that your body was red not my immediate boss but the head of the department emphatically red and how do you know that well he is it's clear as day he walks quickly talks quickly very demanding goal oriented difficult he's made Cuts if you implement Cuts you're tough definitely so how are things going with the head of the department then I don't know I've never spoken to him directly but you just know you just know we've heard about other employees who got into hot water with him what happened then one of them has been harshly reprimanded for little things like arriving late she was called into the office immediately but not me I'm always on time so someone didn't come on time for work and was criticized for that she got a telling off what was said I wasn't there of course and didn't hear it but she told me that it shouldn't have been handled like that do you think it's okay to be late for work no it's not okay but isn't it the head of the Department's responsibility to correct Behavior like that I guess so but it depends on how you do it did he scream and shout no but he said that no one was allowed to be late and if she came in late again she would get a warning how many times had she come late oh she's never on time okay what would you like other people to know about you when they meet you in real life how would you like to be treated well it would be great if people understood that some of us want to take it easy and that I don't enjoy things changing all the time I'd like to get a chance to get to know people a little bit before we just dive into work let's grab a coffee chat for a while it's nice to know people as people and then we can get back to business anything else yes we greens aren't great at dealing with conflicts we need to learn to handle that better Stephan Economist working at the headquarters of a very large company with offices in several European countries blue with some hints of red no yellow or green what do you think of this tool disa language it's quite an interesting concept it seems like there's been a lot of research done on the topic which I find exciting I've seen A variation of this tool before but that system categorized people by assigning different letter combinations it would be interesting to compare the two models there are several different tools available most of them are grounded in the same basic research But as time went on they develop different ly the tool I use is particularly accurate do you mean with regard to reliability or validity both I'd also recommend Marston's book emotions of normal people if you're curious to learn more what conclusions have you drawn after reading the book it was interesting to see how the author structured it he wrote about Reds first then about yellows greens and blues each new topic was explained in reference to the four different colors that was good because it means you don't get bored reading about any one specific color and I noticed that there was always just about the same number of pages on each color which is pretty impressive I wonder how he managed it regarding patterns of behavior what have you learned so far that people are different I knew that already of course but it was interesting to see exactly how we differ and there were good examples in the book for instance I was particularly interested in red Behavior what are your thoughts on that their tremendous drive to move forward I have a colleague with exactly that kind of of attitude and drive always moving forward always first in line his ability to make decisions quickly is very impressive he ends up making a lot of mistakes of course but he corrects them quickly so I don't think it's a huge problem do you work well with Reds pretty well I think sure they're often careless as I said but you can help them be more exacting my role is usually to make sure we stick to the plan and that's not something Reds are great at but they're often quite good at improvising which is a value skill and they're Brave it sounds as if you don't have any major problems with red Behavior no it depends on what you mean by major but I'd say I don't have any big problems with them but having said that I think they have considerably more difficulty dealing with people like me what do you mean I want everything well structured zero mistakes in this business we work with finances and there's no margin for error this industry demands a rather meticulous type of person if I've understood the book correctly Reds aren't interested in details which is basically what my work amounts to there would be enormous consequences if I were to be careless with decimal places it just can't happen okay how about the other colors how do you get along with greens fairly well both of us at least according to the book are introverts which I think is a positive then you can devote yourself to work rather than just Ling around chatting but greens like chatting that's true they do I don't though unless it's work-related then we can talk for a long time what I don't like about greens is that they have a tendency to make a pretense of working they are often away from their desks doing something else instead of working and that slows everything down it's a problem do you find this is a common problem in your workplace yes what have you done to tackle the problem nothing why not it's not my responsibility it's a management issue have you raised the issue with the management team no so some of your co-workers pretend to work and this slows the whole team down you've observed this but haven't done anything about it that's right but why not like I said before it's a management problem I don't have any authority to act on the issue what would you do if you had the authority that's a hypothetical question yes but let's just say you did but that's not the actual situation I'm not interested in management so I don't know what I would do just out of curiosity if your boss asked you for advice on exactly this issue an employee who doesn't do what they should what advice would you give purely hypothetically yes I'd ask the boss to follow up with the problem employee more frequently give them feedback on what's not working and demand that they change the problematic Behavior okay can we talk a little bit about yellow Behavior how do you perceive people with distinctive yellow Behavior they're a bit annoying I just wish that theyd take things much more seriously work to start with of course I realize that you also need to have fun at work but not for the majority of the day you can't fool around all the time during working hours the worst thing is that they just wander around making a noise bothering everyone at times they can be very entertaining but working is working and playing is playing there's also the issue of their total inability to get the facts right I think they're very incompetent when it comes to factual issues they don't take anything seriously and that leads to lots of mistakes for instance If a pure yellow individual worked as a controller how would that work out he wouldn't even know what to look for but the really serious issue is that they say so many things that aren't true for example they might say that they double check certain details without ever actually doing it or insist that they're not careless despite the fact that everyone can see that they most definitely are the whole thing is wildly frustrating have you ever really gotten to know a yellow how can you avoid it they pour out their life story to whoever they like with a total lack of discernment they think that all of us are interested in their summer house or their puppies or their kids new tooth or their brother's new fishing boat but all of that is completely and totally irrelevant do you ever hang out with yellows no I tend to avoid them why I wouldn't be able to stand all that talking they talk me to death I can't listen to the meaming on and on about everything and nothing and you never know if what they're saying is actually true that irritates me they hyperbolize all the time five minutes with a yellow and I'm at my wits end my brother-in-law always talks about his new position at work but he describes it differently every time I've asked him what his title is because I didn't understand what he actually does but he always gets very vague one time I asked how the company was growing and I got a long herang about how they were just about to take out a world patent on something but he wouldn't tell me how that was going to happen and what the details of the project were it was hopeless maybe he didn't know the answer then he should have said so I don't know I mean how hard can that be instead he exploded with a 100 million things I wasn't interested in what advice would you give to others to help them interact better with you good question I'd advise them to please respect my desire to be professional and not devote valuable time to things that aren't work-related they should be well prepared when they come to me with questions I need lots of background information to be able to give a proper answer what are your greatest weaknesses let me think sometimes I get way too caught up in details I know that I don't think that it's an issue at work but in my private life it can be a problem how so my wife is rather red she thinks that I'm slow at everything and she's right I tend to be suspicious of new ideas not that I can't change but I often see problems where none actually exist sometimes I find it difficult to make decisions and I get anxious we really need a new television at home because the current one is on the fritz but there are so many different models and I haven't had the time to do proper research my wife thinks we just need to take 10 minutes and go buy a new one but what if it isn't good how do I know if it's the type we need after all it's a big investment so we've just been making do with the old one any last thoughts it's an interesting concept as I said I'm going to order the marsten book 20 a quick little quiz to see what you've learned here's a chance for you to test your skills this is a fun thing that you can use to test out your acquaintances how much do you really know about how people work I hope the answers you get will lead to interesting discussions either around the water cooler or at the dinner table at home one which combination of profiles would naturally agree on a social level two yellows Two Reds yellow and red blue and green all of the above two which combination of profiles naturally work well together green with anyone else two yellows Two Reds blue and red all of the above three which profile will always prefer to be the head of a project red yellow green blue four which profile would make the best surgeon red yellow green blue five which person would enjoy giving a speech the most red yellow green blue six which person would know exactly where he saved that email from his boss red yellow green blue seven which person would want to do more tests or get more information before making a decision red yellow green blue eight which person can you always rely on to arrive on time red yellow green blue nine which person doesn't follow the rulebook to get a job done red yellow green blue 10 which person would be the most willing to try something new to get the job done red yellow green blue 11 which person will remember personal criticism the longest red yellow green blue 12 which person is the least organized but knows exactly where to go to get what he needs red yellow green blue 13 which profile always wants to make decisions red yellow green blue 14 which profile where's the latest fashions red yellow green blue 15 which profile would enjoy new challenges the most red yellow green blue 16 which profile would be the quickest to judge other people red yellow green blue 17 which combination of profiles would form the best team two greens Two Reds yellow and red blue and green a mixture of all the colors 18 which profile will probably talk the most red yellow green blue 19 which profile would assimilate new ideas the quickest red yellow green blue 20 which profile would delegate a task but then still do it himself red yellow green blue 21 which profile is the best listener red yellow green blue 22 which profile wouldn't miss the last step of the instructions red yellow green blue 23 which profile is most common in your Social Circle red yellow green blue the answers can be found on page 269 more about question 23 at work you can't always choose the people you'll work with they're just there whether you would have chosen them or not in the professional world you have to play a good game with the cards that you have but outside of work when you can choose who you will spend your time with what kind of people do you choose have you chosen people who are similar to yourself or do do you hang out with people who are your total opposite of course there are no right or wrong answers but it's interesting to think about it when we can choose whom do we choose and how do we choose the partner we want to spend the rest of our lives with your mirror image or your opposite a fascinating question right 21 a final example from everyday life perhaps the most enlightening team project in the history of the world okay my friend it's time to summarize all of this to do do that I'd like to tell you about a fascinating experience I had a few years ago I was leading a conference and I got it into my head to do an experiment with a group of managers who were working at a telecom company the participants were professional and clever and all of them were successful in their respective Fields they had excellent qualifications and were destined for brilliant careers I'd already made profiles for all of them they had completed a self- assessment that showed which communication style they had I divided the managers into groups with similar Behavior profiles I imagined that it would be easy for them to get along they'd certainly understand one another there were 20 people in total I called the groups red yellow green and blue I mean I had to call them something they had to solve a specially constructed problem that was connected to their field and require cooperation they were given an hour to complete it I explained the challenge and all the groups eerily accepted the instructions and got to work after the groups had been working for a while I went around and checked out what was going on in the various teams in the red group the noise level was high three people were standing and loudly explaining why they were right two of them were in the middle of an argument while the final person had decided to work alone completely unconcerned about the shouting Match 3 ft away he was riding so fast that his pen was starting to spark when I asked if everything was okay in there everything suddenly stopped and all of them looked at me in surprise is everything okay I repeated anxiously pachy one of the belligerent guys said grimly we're almost done here I left them and continued on the yellow group was also working frantically you could almost taste the energy in the room things were happening the discussions were Lively with everyone trying to convince the others of their own position while the Reds were mad as hell with one another there was nothing but smiles here three of the yellows were jockeying for space at the Whiteboard and another told me an amusing anecdote that had nothing to do with the subject at hand but it was actually hilarious the fifth manager in the yellow group was doodling on a piece of paper and sending emails on his cell phone I left them to pay a visit to the green group inside the room there was a strange commas their voices were quiet and they were all listening rather than speaking the chief goal was stability and security five of the managers were sitting quietly listening to one of their colleagues telling a sad story about his dog who had tragically died of old age that same winter he was still missing his life companion the last manager had sketched out some suggestions about how they could solve the task ask I'd given them but every suggestion ended with a question mark she needed more input and it looked like she would have to ask for it she was in trouble I continued on in the last group the blue group the room was almost absurdly quiet after sitting with them for 3 minutes without anyone uttering so much as a single word I was seriously concerned a lot of thought was happening under the surface but there was no real communication taking place a woman was reading silently through the task with her lips moving I asked if they needed helped to get started I got a few hesitant nods in reply they soon began a very thorough deliberation they would absolutely get to the bottom of things it was obvious that they were on the right track but on an extremely detailed level they discussed for a long time what their plan of action should be I remember glancing furtively at the clock half the a lotted time had passed but they hadn't produced anything concrete proposals had been put forward but they'd been rejected by the others on a variety of technicalities every word word was chosen carefully and the advantages and disadvantages weighed carefully they were far more interested in doing things properly than in actually getting things done I left them to their fate and went back to the large conference room before the alloted time was up the red group arrived with triumphant grins they congratulated one another for being the first back they'd clearly won the test I had to go and fetch all the other groups the yellow group was the slowest I had to go back twice before they dained to make an appearance two of them were talking on their phones and the third guy only managed to recover after having some coffee and cake when all the groups had returned I let them present their work the red group went triumphantly to the podium they turned the task into a race they were ready in 30 minutes even though they had been given an hour the rest of the time they'd spent Fon iing G around to their co-workers checking what they were doing with their time it was a sound presentation a well organized structure and properly thought out but about 30 seconds into the report it was clear that the the red group had solved a completely different problem than what I had given them it wasn't at all what I had asked for when I asked if they had actually read the instructions they all began arguing one of the men stated confidently that they'd adapted the task to reality they'd done a brilliant job he expected Applause but when the standing ovation didn't materialize the members of the group Shrugged their shoulders and returned to their seats a second after sitting down the woman in the group began playing with her phone a vital text message had to be sent immediately after that it was the yellow group's turn this group consisted of three women and two men all of them smiled and stood at the front who should begin a brief deliberation took place before one of the women Charmed her way to the podium she quickly plunged into her topic presenting the exciting discussions they'd had for the past hour she spoke for a while about the whole thing being an inspirational exercise she described how she was going to use the Insight she gained when she returned to her work her presentation was very enter aing and everyone laughed I was also amused by the woman's story especially considering that it only had one purpose to camouflage the fact that the group hadn't solved the task however the yellow group did manage to get some Applause mostly due to the high entertainment value of their presentation now it was time for the green group it took a while to get everyone up to the podium while the yellow group had squabbled about who was going first the green group was anxious do all of us go up who should present the report should I should you do it at least half of the six participants looked as if they had a stomach ache sure this was the largest group but nevertheless they were all nervous no one took command after a moment of low-key deliberations one of the men began to speak he faced the Whiteboard most of the time he talked softly turning towards the members of his team for support he was so subtle in his observations that the message was hopelessly lost with growing desperation he looked at his team for help when their presentation was over not even the green group had solved the task even though they had made more progress than the yellow group I asked if everyone in the group was in agreement about the material that was presented the unfortunate spokesperson said that he thought that it was probably true that most of them were relatively in agreement I asked the group and they all nodded in unison at least four of the participants in the group had Grim faces their arms crossed tightly around their bodies body language that proclaimed they were far from agreeing with what had been said one of the women looked resentfully at the spokesperson but by Jo she was in agreement finally the blue group marched up in line and stood in alphabetical order according to a pre-arranged agenda AR went through the instructions revealing that there were several points that had made the task challenging among other things he remarked on the sentence structure in the document that I had handed out he spent most of the time explaining that it was better to say adviser rather than adviser although both forms are technically correct and pointed out no fewer than two additional grammatical errors on the very first page then it was Barrett's turn to go through the structure they had based their work on after being interrupted twice by AR who believed that a few Minor Details needed to be clarified when Kel took over they still weren't even close to providing a solution to the problem Stefan didn't straighten out any issues and when Yolanda finally announced they needed more time to finish the task properly chaos erupted in the conference room the red group quickly branded the members of the blue group complete idiots the yellow group felt it was the most boring thing they'd ever experienced and the green group just suffered silently through the whole show conclusions the purpose of the whole exercise was to highlight that no group should be composed solely of individuals of the same type diversity is the only possible route the best way to put a group of people together is by mixing different types of people this is the only way to achieve decent Dynamics in any group this seems intuitive but despite this most of the organizations I have encountered fail on this fundamental requirement when they recruit people managers bring in new people who are just like themselves because they understand each other this book has been about explaining exactly why the groups in this example work the way they did and giving you the tools to avoid similar problems in your own life I hope that you found pleasure in reading it and joining in this exciting exploration of how people function what makes them similar and what makes them different because we are all different if you keep your eyes open you'll find out exactly how different the rest is up to you the answers to the questions in chapter 20 one two yellows two green with with anyone three red four blue five yellow six blue seven blue eight blue nine red 10 yellow 11 Green 12 yellow 13 red 14 yellow 15 red 16 red 17 a mixture of all the colors 18 yellow 19 red 20 red 21 Green 22 blue 23 to this there is no given answer as you might understand