M the tea is piping hot because we are back for Girl Talk part 4 we have done this quite a few times already and it was due time for another part so I went on my Instagram broadcast channel where I always ask you guys questions which I end up incorporating in my podcast in my Vlog channel in my main Channel and you guys sent me some juicy dilemas which of course I am going to be answering within this video this video is going to be split into three different chapters first I'm going to be going through your friendship questions and dilemas then everything to do with dating relationships and love and finally things to do with self glow ups what's going on down there periods you name it we're really going to get into it today so grab your popcorn a cup of tea or just a cute beverage and get comfortable because this is about to be a good one before we jump into chapter one I want to give a huge thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this video you guys know I've spoken about Squarespace so many times and for a good reason because one of the most common questions I get from you guys is how do I start a business I want to take control of my finances I want to be an entrepreneur but I just don't know how and I love it when a business just makes sure that they are catering to every single type of customer they have particularly the beginners and I have read so many business books I've set up businesses myself and what I love about Squarespace that truly separates them from so many other platforms is that they are here to help you through every step of the journey and make you appear as knowledgeable and professional as possible to your audience they have have an entire blog feature where any question you would ever have on business is answered straight away they also have so many different built-in tools to guide you through the business process so that you can go from novice to Absolute master in the business World we're talking email marketing we're talking SEO we're talking selling products or content or your time and services online anything you could think of you can now turn into a business it no longer has to be a traditional e-commerce product store you can schedule appointments with your existing clientele you can sell downloadable resources and then not even have to keep stock of inventory and you can make sure that you're doing all of this while making sure that it looks beautifully put together with the wide array of Squarespace website templates and email marketing campaign templates which makes starting and running a business easier than ever hell even if you do social media like me you can now engage with your audience using your own Squarespace website and link your socials on Squarespace as well using the tools that they provide so if you're ready to get started started you guys can go to squarespace.com for a free trial and whenever you're ready to launch then come back to this video and click my unique link below in the description squarespace.com tamore where you will get 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain chapter number one friendship dilemmas and the first one is is jealousy in friendships normal I think comparison in friendships is really normal our friends are our peers a lot of the time we're the same ages and the same stages of our lives and it's only natural that as you're growing through your life life you're going to think they got that internship or they did this great or they're doing this in their relationship should I be doing the same should I be moving country should I get that job that's only natural while you're figuring out what you're supposed to do in life and you are naturally going to compare yourself to the people you spend the most time with but I don't think jealousy should be normalized whatsoever yes as human beings we are literally psychologically wired to see where we stand in comparison to our PE and jealousy does come with that but it gets to the point where if you are allowing yourself to sit in this negative energy of jealousy it's immature the most important lesson I ever learned was that jealousy is just a negative form of inspiration and if you start looking at people like oh my God they're killing and I want to do that too and them living that out is literally the biggest amount of proof that I could be doing that too the jealousy Fades away especially when it comes to people that we're supposed to care about and love jealousy should never be a factor because imagine it was you in their shoes that was doing amazing things in life and the people that you thought cared about you so much was looking at you in that light you really need to take that comparison you're experiencing of should I be living that life should I be going to those places and channel that energy into something more productive which is what does my life path look like question number two is how do you for real get friends like how do you all attract the genuine ones I struggled with this for so many years of my life I would say I didn't even find any genuine friends until I maybe hit like 20 big years old you know how long that is but for so many years prior your girl was out here struggling in I had friends but I either felt like it fizzled out too quickly they didn't genuinely align it ended very badly it just was not the vibe and I thought how do I find people who get me and you know are on a similar path to me and we can have those deep conversations and we really just fulfill each other and Inspire each other and it's a deep and meaningful connection and I couldn't find the answer I really couldn't you don't know how many times I tried to Google that or read books about it and instead what I did was I decided to focus on my own journey I was having myself love Year anyway so I really just isolated myself and I was focused on fixing my self- perception leveling up becoming self-obsessed and everything I did in that journey I speak about in depth on my podcast anyway but the main message here was I poured all of my energy attention and love into myself rather than into chasing other people I finally like the second that I took a break from how do I get friends where am I going to find them where should I go what should I say who should I be what kind of conversation should I start to how do I feel about myself am I satisfied with my life life what does happiness look like to me how am I going to create that in my life I know to you right now it might seem so unrelated but me doing that and giving myself all of that energy attention and love signals to the universe I am okay on my own and it puts you in the most powerful position ever to attract the people you want which was literally your attraction here how do you attract genuine people one you don't chase them two you start incorporating all of the things that are genuine and authentic to you into your life so that you are the right version of yourself when you start meeting people the biggest mistake we make is prioritizing finding a partner finding friends first that we barely know ourselves and in that case we will then attract people that aren't meant for us or friendships that will fizzle out because we weren't even in our correct energy or authentically being who we're supposed to be and so we were attracted people that are aligned to the person that we were pretending to be or acting like or trying to be and so in that case it's never going to work out how to deal with girl drama and gossip when you just can't ignore those people I 100% get it when you're in school when you're in the workplace and you just can't cut them out and for whatever reason you have to be stable to them it's the worst and my biggest tip with dealing with this is number one never argue back because you're literally giving away your energy and what links to this is you need to train yourself to switch off in order to protect your energy in cases like these because when you are in a situation where you have to be around people who talk about other people who are draining who don't align with you who are just negative Vibes negative energy that has the capability to take away from your energy to ruin your day to infiltrate your positive growth mindset so you need to train yourself to switch off and just tune out what they're saying and what links a lot into this is Detachment if they are like talking about your friend for example or if they giving you a backhanded compliment you need to either hum a song in your head you need to think about something else you literally need to laugh in your head and think oh my God I can't believe they're literally doing this again how pathetic instead of actively listening to what they're saying allowing it to come into your brain and then allowing your brain to process that thought turn it into a negative emotion and then Harbor that negative emotion all day long definitely never say anything to get involved or take sides when you're around people like this because they will use it as an opportunity to drag you into the middle of it and use you as their scapegoat or use blame shifting on you and when you're tuning out all this noise and this negativity and this drama instead you are using your thoughts to instead focus on your goals and the bigger picture is this going to matter in 5 years no is it going to matter in a year probably not are any of these people going to be there for the rest of your life no remember every way that they're acting is literally just an embarrassing reflection on themselves and never on you at the end of the day you are there for whatever reason you have to be there you are putting up with it and you are being civil to protect your time your energy and whatever environment you're in whether it's school or work and you are using the situation of being civil to get to where you need to be which is to your Highest Potential to get the job that you want to be in the situation you want they are merely by standards who are engaging in their own drama which is completely separate to you if you decide to start acting like it and completely tuning it out when they are saying all of this stuff to you just nod never say anything and never give energy back and never internalize the things they are saying whether it's about you or another person and also if you are seeing these people for many hours during the day I think you need to start making something else the main part of your day so it's not conversations with these people because on your way to school work wherever you're seeing them you're listening to a podcast which aligns to the dream dream career that you want to have or the skill that you want to learn on your lunch break you are watching YouTube videos or reading books which just light you up inside teach you something new educate you inspire you motivate you or you're doing something that gets you closer to launching the business starting the side hustle where all of this drama and this pettiness is literally just a tiny little part of your day that's it because you are focused on so much more and you are doing so much more okay on chapter number two relationships love and everything in between somebody said why do I find the red flags attractive I feel you sis I've been there once okay I used to find that I found red flags attractive because a lot of the time it would be like the bad boy type super goodlooking everybody wants him kind of thing and when I looked at a guy like that even though he had so many red flags even though he was such a player to me that was the epitome of masculinity even though it was actually toxic masculinity and the right guy to go for because everybody wanted him right and it kind of gave me a little bit of validation of like if I'm seen with him then I look better or well he's really good-looking so automatically then that's good for me or if he's a player and yes he's not reading my text and he's not responding straight away that means he's super wanted and he's so busy he's talking to everybody else at the same time meaning like he's kind of more of a prize to get rather than a guy who's responding every second and is super available because then there must be something wrong with him which is absolutely false it's such a wrong way to look at it and a lot of the time we think about this because we have the wrong idea of masculinity and it's not even our fault because we've been taught especially in the movies we've watched and books we've read and things like that it's always the guy who's like doesn't really care and has never been a relationship guy and is like the bad boy image which has been portrayed to us as the desirable man to get also an unfortunate cause of finding red flags attractive is when you have experienced a lot of chaos or red flags or trauma in your life anyway that you consistently seek out what feels familiar to you so someone not giving you attention straight away someone not being interested in you is like oh but that's just my normal that happens everybody treats me like that so sure you can treat me like that as well and you don't have those standards set in place where of course you should be giving me Princess treatment of course you should be responding to every single one of my texts of course you should be pouring effort and energy into me and planning every single day because nobody's done that for you before but not to worry because even if nobody's treated you like that before all it takes is sitting down figuring out what you want how you want to be treated and then going forward with that because once you have the clearest image in your mind of these are the red flags that I am never going to accept versus these are the green flags that are my normal like they are my bare minimum standard then you shouldn't have an issue with ending up with a bunch of red flag guys because the biggest green flag is a guy that wants to see you all the time and that wants to talk to you and sometimes when our own self-esteem is low we think well there must be something wrong with you or you must be desperate or must not get enough attention from other people to be pouring all of this into me and that is unfortunately is something that we need to fix in ourselves go okay is doubt in a relationship normal yes you are human you're going to wonder if you should be in a relationship what life would be like if you were single right now what if the grass is greener did you settle did you make the right decision are you moving too fast are you moving too slow and it's natural to think that because we think that with our friends our job our Hobbies our lifestyle our choices that we make because every single day we are consistently crafting our future but this is our first time living life we don't have any of the answers we are basically all doing guess work on where the hell we should be going with our lives of course doubt is such a natural part in that I actually think a little bit of Doubt is healthy if you didn't have any doubt and you were like I'm just going to do everything this person's way or I've made the decision now so I can't go back you would just end up settling in every single area of your life because you would be too afraid of change or admitting that maybe you went the wrong way or maybe you made the wrong decision questioning yourself on whether things are still serving you or whether things are still going the right way I think is amazing for your growth however there is a big difference between doubt in that aspect and doubting whether you actually like the person whether you're attracted to them whether you care about them whether you love them whether you want to even spend time with them I think that is entirely different and when you are in a relationship with someone and when you feel Lov towards someone there's never really any doubt on is this my person do I actually love you do I even like you that's always there whether it's right for your lifestyle whether you're at the right stage in your relationship is completely normal and you should not stress about that whatsoever but I am the biggest believer now that I've experienced it that honestly it's the most cliche thing ever but when you know you truly know like love will fill you up every single day you have this level of certainty where it's like oh my God every single thing in my life was leading me to you every single bad relationship led me to you I had to go through all of those things because this was what was waiting for me all along next up my boyfriend doesn't talk about his problems with me properly what should I do I totally get this my boyfriend was like this with me a lot so I've had experience with this as well at the beginning of our relationship so I can truly talk you through how to solve this first of all you need to be super compassion and understand where they're coming from one thing I learned is men aren't intentionally withholding information from you and like not trying to be close and intimate and vulnerable with you they just a lot of the time simply don't know how especially because men aren't raised that way a lot of the time and they are not given safe spaces to be able to communicate with their family members or their friends on their emotions and what they're struggling with and like how us women are we are a little bit more Freer in that we can always go to our girlfriends to talk about our feelings if they have grown up this entire time not feeling comfortable in that aspect and instead being raised in the way that is very common for them which is just suck it up get on with it be a man the thought of talking about his problems with you is one going to feel so unnatural it's going to feel wrong to his nature and he's going to feel badly about himself because he's going to think well I'm not supposed to do this or this is an unproductive use of time for example but of course talking about your problems and communicating about how you're feeling in your own life or in your relationship is so so important when you are growing a relationship with somebody and so the next part of this is to ask gently and to create a safe space because this is so unfamiliar to the man he isn't even thinking about the impact this is having on your relationship and so it's your responsibility to explain this to him so when me and my boyfriend were having this problem I sat him down and I was like communicating what's going on with you is really important to me and I know that you are strong enough to deal with this on your own I also know you have gone your entire life being able to solve all of your own problems and never telling anybody else but now this is a partnership and we have to communicate how we feel so that we can be in tune to each other's needs and then act accordingly if you're having a really rough day or going through something and you're not sharing that with me it makes it harder for me to be a good girlfriend and to show up for you in that right type of way I don't need to know all of the information I don't need to know all the facts this is not me being nosy this is me knowing what energy and what capacity you have for the day so that I can act accordingly and I can show up for you just like you would show up for me and once again to my boyfriend me opening up about when I have problems and when I'm emotional is so important to him and anytime I used to withhold that from him he used to get so annoyed and he was like please just tell me so I can fix it and so referencing that and being like you know if it was the other way around and if I never told you what was going on in my head you know it would affect you and it could affect our relationship as well and so just talking them through it rather than immediately going into Attack Mode which is you never talk to me and why do you hide things from me and I don't get it I do this and this and you never do that will then immediately send them into defense mode and then an argument could ensue which is just unproductive for the both of you should I settle for a man who is loyal and caring but doesn't meet my standards oh my God a man who is loyal and caring is literally the bare minimum and I will die on this hill a guy who is nice to you who talks to you who plans a date who texts you all the bad minimum all the bad that's not even touching your list of standards that is just being a decent human being who you are dating is not even something to consider it's barely even something to be grateful for that is just what should come in talking and interacting with another person because listen one thing I've done is men are not trash okay there are so many great men out there and actually now that I've been getting out and meeting you women and making you friends when they talk about their relationships I'm like oh my god when I met my person I knew okay not trash I can't say that anymore I have met so many women who are being treated right up here are being given everything they want they have a man with emotional intelligence they have a man that aligns with them they have a man that supports them in their career and it truly has just shown me that it is more abundant and more available than ever there is so much you could want from a relationship conversation ambition interest even lifestyle even when you are in a relationship with someone you are not just in a relationship with the person you are in a relationship with the lifestyle that they have been living because eventually that is also going to become your lifestyle your lifestyles are going to merge and if you don't like the way that they've been going and it doesn't align to your path and where you want to get to then they're not a match for you and so there are so many little things to consider please never settle for someone just because they're nice because there are people out here that are nice with so much more to offer on the table like that like you wouldn't even have to ask for it how do I deal with flashbacks of my axe when I am trying to heal that's the point of it that's the entire point of healing because when you start this journey of okay I'm going to heal now the point of it isn't to say okay I'm fixed okay it's all done I've forgotten about everything even after you've healed the result isn't I've gotten rid of all of the negative memories of my past even after you've healed you are still going to get flashbacks because even the negative experiences were still an integral part of your life they taught you lessons they got you to where you are today they influenced you in many ways you should never want to be in a place where you want to get rid of certain memories or eras your memories because they were bad experiences or well I'm not with that person anymore they are going to flash in and out of your head that is absolutely normal because that is the life that we have experienced so far and you need to give yourself more compassion as well it's this doesn't mean that you're unhealed because I'm sure you have flashbacks of 101 other things throughout the day of random times when you're in school or with your teacher or people that you used to be friends with or that embarrassing moment you had 6 months ago or that mistake you made or that award you won 10 years ago there are so many things that flash in and out of our head all the time we can't prevent our Exes from being in it and I think even those flashbacks are not a reminder of oh my God I thought I was healed why am I thinking about this I think it's a beautiful reminder of look how far I've come I just had this memory of this time where I accepted someone who was below my standards and didn't treat me right and now look at me I didn't accept that behavior I got out of that situation now I'm living and I'm doing so much better plus even if you're still in the healing process and maybe you're having a lot of flashbacks of this act I think it's actually a wonderful test an opportunity to be able to process those emotions and not feel guilty about it and also to check in with yourself on where at when they pop into your head is there still some love there is there a lot of hate and anger there or are we finally coming towards neutral well you can see that memory and you can see that flashback in your head and there's no extreme which actually is a great sign of your progress to becoming healed from that person okay now we are on the last chapter and section of this girl talk which is self so here we're going to be talking about things to do with our selfconfidence and mindsets Beauty self-care periods all of that good stuff first question is is why does making a vision board feel cringe cringe and embarrassment are just fancy words for self-importance and taking yourself too seriously now I'm all about taking yourself seriously in the way of owning your confidence owning your worth owning your value your beauty all of that but never in the way of oh my God that's weird or how am I going to be perceived people are going to care what I'm doing and you know people are going to judge me for what I'm doing so I'm not going to do that never that because taking yourself that seriously in that aspect an example is all caused by actually just seeking external validation from others the reason that we find things cringe ourselves isn't because we actually find them embarrassing is because we've heard how other people perceive things or how other people find certain things embarrassing whether it be taking a selfie in public whether it be being an influencer recording a video all of that and we've heard that and we've internalized that as something that is unacceptable to other people or to society and it then forms our own perception of that thing which then makes us think it's cringe so a big chance of why you might think that making a vision board is cringe is because you are scared that other people are going to find it and look at it you think your family might judge you for it your friends you don't want to leave it hanging because what if people think oh my God this is so farfetched and you don't actually think it's cringe you are just looking at it through other people's eyes and the second that you detach and separate yourself from that and instead think this is important to me this is going to help me on my manifestation journey and building a more positive mindset and practicing visualization so that I can live my dream life that's the only thing that's important you'll be fine the next question is one I got so much like this must have been the most common question asked in this girl talk and that's how do I get rid of dark areas on my knees underarms and on the kitty honestly with this question I am the wrong person to ask because there is so much to life I know I have dark knees I have hella dark underarms as well and it does not bother me and I do not try to lighten them nor do I feel insecure about them because I think it's the biggest waste of time time these are such sad and unnecessary Beauty ideals like where do these even come from especially because of the fact that we barely see them like what do you me yes I have dog underarms doesn't bother me because I literally never see them I just think that every single day is a gift to do something you love to bring some happiness into your life and to constantly think about 101 ways in which that your body isn't the right color or it's too dark or it's too hairy or it doesn't look right or how do I change the appearance of this it's just such a horrible way to deprive yourself of the real purpose of life which is to experience as much happiness and growth and life as you possibly can and instead when you wake up with a plan of action of I'm going to meet new people I'm going to do something outside of my comfort zone I'm going to become the type of person I never thought I could be I'm going to work towards my goals stuff like on my knees too dark won't even matter to you anymore it won't even be on your radar it was never on my radar until I saw the amount of people asking questions about this and it breaks my heart honestly but because I always want to be someone who answers you guys' questions my guest as to why our underarms get dark is because we shave them and I think switching to laser hair removal or waxing can help prevent that to truly solve your problem the next question was also very common and this was I shaved my kitty for the first time and it itches I totally get it it's a very very common problem and that is a great way to tackle it so first of all let's break it down you need to start in the shower by making sure you have washed yourself in warm water that will soften the skin a little bit then you need to use shaving cream 110% doesn't matter what it is the shaving cream I use has aloe vera infused in it which is really good for the skin and just helping with any irritation then when it comes to shaving down there there is a particular order which will help with ingrown hairs and razor bumps so let's say that this is the kitty now with your legs or with your arms you would normally take your razor and you would you know shave up anywhere but this can be really irritating for the skin down there so instead this what you're going to do you're going to take your razor you're going to shave down instead you can to do that a few times then you're going to go from left to right do that and then you're going to go right to left and then lastly after you've done all of that then you're finally going to go up to get rid of all of those last few hairs and then afterwards once you get out of the shower you are going to moisturize the area down there otherwise it's obviously going to get very dry and itchy one thing you can do is also apply aloe vera down there because that's just so good with irritation redness burning and with that somebody said how do I stop judging myself self judgment like I said is concerning yourself with what other people think that insults that judgments of other people how they talk about people has now been ingrained into your mind into your Consciousness and now that reflects your perception of the world and of what is acceptable versus unacceptable and there is a way to stop this and it's by putting yourself on the pedestal and realizing only your opinion matters because when you are so in tune to what other people are saying and what other people like or dislike it forms your inner voice because you are prior I izing their opinions over your own if you hear someone talking about somebody else saying oh my God she's an influencer that's so embarrassing that's so cringey and instead in your mind you're like that is so pathetic that you are so insecure in yourself that you have to say something negative about somebody else and also that is such a reflection of your own fear of being perceived that you can't even comprehend how someone would be confident and self low enough to put them on camera says everything about you but my personal opinion is you go do what you love I love that you have a passion and you're going after it and you're putting yourself out there when you look at it from that point of view any single time you want to do something out of the ordinary or something that maybe not everybody would accept your new habit is to think what's my opinion of this rather than everybody else's and a big example of this is when I started solo dating in the start when I was going to restaurants alone I would majorly judge myself because I could just hear voices of what other people would be thinking like oh my God that's so weird who sits in a restaurant alone she must not have any friends and I switched my inner voice to my opinion how I feel about this because a lot of the time we judge ourselves based on what other people would think but we would never judge another person right we would hear somebody talking about someone but when we look at that person we're like oh but like just let them do what they want to do or like that's not a very big deal so why can't we be given that same kindness to ourselves and that's what flipping that script and inner voice looks like and so when it came to solo editing I was like this is such a sign of my inner strength this is so important in making sure that I can detach from male validation and that I am progressing on my journey of self-love and Independence this means that I am experiencing life and making the most of every single day without having to wait for other people to be available for me to experience life and make the most of every single day you stop judging yourself when you finally concern yourself only with your opinion and the final question for the girl talk is how do I deal with low days/ insecurities flaring up on some days firstly by recognizing it's absolutely normal you cannot wake up with the same energy capacity and feelings every single day secondly that there's nothing wrong with you I find that external influences can really impact how we feel about ourselves so it's not always a sign that oh my God I don't love myself at all I must hate myself or what's wrong with me why can't I just be nice to myself sometimes it's literally due to mental or sometimes it's literally due to physical like when our hormones are out of whack we don't think how we normally would like you know when before your period when you're PMSing and you feel like the world is going to end and everything's sucks and then the second that your period's over you're absolutely fine and the world feels normal again that's because your hormones are doing up a Madness inside of you that is actually influencing the way that you think and the way that you perceive things and sometimes when our hormones are imbalanced which is normally a result of eating badly not moving not getting outside not taking care of our mental health not taking a break from screens and noise and work not spending enough time in nature that literally influences our mental health and our inner hormones can then impact our mindset and that's what causes you to wake up and feel low and unproductive and like you're lazy and you don't have that urge or that desire to do what you normally would and then you feel sluggish and then you beat yourself up for it and then you think oh my God like I don't even think I like myself today I'm just not feeling myself once you realize that it's not always down to oh my God this is all my fault and instead it's down to how can I make this day a little bit better how can I look after myself today is a more compassionate way of dealing with insecurities and low days because it's absolutely normal to experience and I just find low days and insecurities in general to be such a teaching moment and it's just our body's way of communicating hey things haven't been great lately or maybe you've been overworking your body a little bit too much maybe you've been doing too much in general and it's just your body teaching you okay now we need to change things up a little bit maybe we need to have a different routine maybe we need to go to sleep a little bit earlier maybe we need to be exercising a little bit more and I just think every single time we have a bad day or we have a bad feeling it's an opportunity for okay this is a sign that something needs to change and the most self-loving thing you can do to combat those insecurities in low days is okay I'm going to implement something new to hopefully create the perfect routine that allows me to stay stable and consistent and self-loving and confident as I possibly can every single day rather than looking at that low deal insecurity as I've done something wrong I can't believe I'm not consistent it's your body trying to teach you something that you definitely need to know so that you can continue as successfully as possible on your journey moving forward and that brings us to the end of girl talk part four I hope you guys enjoyed it if you did make sure you comment down below and let me know what you liked and if you want to send in a question for the next episode of girlt then go to my Instagram @ tamore click on the broadcast channel because that's where first of all I send motivational quits in there every single day to be keeping you all accountable on your self- growth Journeys but also I always take your input and your video requests in there all the time you can also check out all of my other socials Below in the description along with my book which is out to pre-order now it's actually out in the UK on August 15th and it's out in some other countries in December but you can pre-order it now on Amazon worldwide using the link below in the description thank you guys so much for watching I appreciate you and I will see you same time and next week for a new one bye [Music]