Hello everybody. I'm going to start with a question. How many of you know the person sitting next to you from before today?
Interesting. So, do you remember the first conversation you ever had with that person? You know conversations are links, okay? Let's imagine every conversation to be a tiny metal link and every time you talk to a stranger a metal link is formed and every conversation that you have after that moment the link gets stronger and stronger and every day each one of us meet so many strangers the grocery guy the cab guy maybe the receptionist and the new office you went to.
And with every conversation, we build new links. Until finally at the end, we've created a kind of massive worldwide web of conversation. Worldwide web. It's a catchy word. I think I've heard that somewhere.
That's it, right? A conversation. It's a fascinating thing. A conversation is an adventure.
A conversation gives you a whole new perspective. A conversation opens a door. Conversations can make war and conversations can make peace.
And conversations define who we are as a human race. And think about this. Every single person in your life was once a stranger to you.
And you knew nothing about them until you had that first conversation. So I'm here today to tell you to talk to strangers and to have a conversation. And I'm here to tell you how. Seven ways that you can make a conversation with almost anyone. I'm radio presenter and I love talking to people.
I do. I love it and I'm so glad that I do it for a living. Here's what my day is like right every single morning I go into an empty room and I put on mic and I have a conversation with 1.6 million people that I can't see.
Yeah! You know what the hardest part is though? It's time. In a four hour show I get 20 minutes. That's all the talk there is and in 20 minutes I have to convince you that I am your best friend.
How do I do that? How do I establish a connection? I have 20 minutes to inform you, to excite you, to engage with you but most importantly 20 out of the 20 times that I switch on that mic I have to leave a smile on your face. Except I can't see you, I know nothing about you and I have no way of gauging your reactions.
How do you do it? How do you talk to a stranger? Well my 9 years in radio have taught me these simple little tricks.
Strangers, they are everywhere. And we've always been told, don't talk to strangers. But I beg to differ.
Every stranger comes with an opportunity. An opportunity to learn something new, an opportunity to have an experience you've never had, or hear a story that you've never heard before. And you've had that moment, right?
You're in the room with someone you don't know and you look across the room, you see a stranger and you think, I want to talk to this person. And you can almost hear the first word but it just won't come out. can I get stuck about here it kind of goes up and down and you don't know you know what here's my advice just say it what's the worst that can happen they won't talk to you well they're not not talking to you now.
The first word floodgates. I truly believe that the first word acts as a floodgate you know once you said the first word everything else just flows. So keep it simple a hi, a hey, a hello and do what every good bowler does just gather the enthusiasm, the positivity, the energy, put on a big smile and say hi. I know. Going to be that strange moment right now.
Turn to someone sitting next to you, stick your hand out and say hello. Go on. I love the awkward laugh. Why is she making us do this? The first word, floodgates.
You know, here's a challenge we face every day. Time, we have 90 seconds on radio and we have to make that conversation with a stranger memorable. So how do you do it?
What's the biggest challenge? Honestly, if we get stuck in the rut of, Hi, hey, how are you? I'm fine. What's going on?
Nothing much. Same old, so tell me what's new. you there you go 45 seconds down wasted right so here's my advice skip the small talk and ask a really personal question and don't be afraid trust me you will be surprised how much people are willing to share if you just ask. So ask any kind of personal question maybe interesting name, how did your parents think of it, is there a story behind it or how long have you lived in this city and do you remember the first day you landed here?
You see, answers to those questions are always something unique, always something personal. My favorite one to try is, where do you come from and where does your family live? Unfailingly, every single time I sit in a cab, I do this I ask that question where do you come from and where does your family live let me tell you a little story I was coming home one night and I get into this taxi open the door sit down I say where are you from where does your family live live and the 60 year old Pakistani cab driver goes on to tell me all about his life in Peshawar. We talk about politics, we talk about music, family, his wife, his farm and 20 minutes later he is convinced that I am the perfect bride for his 26 year old college educated son from Peshawar and as I'm getting out of the taxi he's taking out a passport sized photograph with this look of enthusiasm. I have to say it was a very different experience.
difficult goodbye. But the moral of the story really is what starts with a hello can end with a marriage proposal and that is a warning. Step 3, find the me too's. Have you ever met someone who starts a conversation like they are starting a debate?
I am from Delhi, I hate Delhi. Yeah, nothing kills a conversation like a negative. When you meet someone for the first time, make an effort to find the one thing that you and that other person might have in common. When you start at that point and then move outward from there, you will find that all of a sudden the conversation becomes a lot easier and that's because the both of you are suddenly on the same side of something and that's a really powerful feeling Now what could you possibly have in common with a stranger you ask?
It could be anything right? You're both in the same place at the same time. Maybe you're from the same country. Maybe you both like the winter or you're longing for it to rain. I don't know you'll find something.
When you find a me too you automatically have a kind of buy-in from the other person. Trust me that's helpful. you Pay a unique compliment. I read somewhere that people will forget what you do and they'll forget what you say but they will never forget how you made them feel. So be generous and go out and give someone a nice full compliment.
So I have this belief about a compliment immunity meter and it comes from this experience I had when I met this gorgeous supermodel right and I look at her and I say wow you're beautiful and there is no reaction on her face and I think to myself how that's when I realized she is immune to the word beautiful she's probably heard it a hundred thousand times today and if she's on social media she's heard it a million times times today. There are some words that each of us have developed an immunity to it could be nice, it could be awesome, it could be cool. Stay away from these.
Try and construct a compliment that's unique and genuine and you don't have to lie. Really, when you look at someone and say I love how when you smile it's like your nose smiles and then your eyes smile and your ears smile even your forehead smiles and suddenly the whole person is just smiling you see I hope that's a compliment you're not going to forget for a while pay a unique and genuine compliment ask for an opinion all of us have opinions trust me and we all want them to be heard and everybody wants validation So go on and ask for an opinion and that's when you open up a two-way street. That's when the real communication begins and you will be surprised how much you can pick up about a person just by asking their opinion on something pretty...
generic here's a mistake that some people make they ask your opinion about something really difficult it feels almost intimidating from here in a room full of very well-informed people and someone was to come up to me and say so what do you think about the way the oil prices have affected the real estate market in Dubai I feel a bit cornered I feel like I might fail and this is an examination and that's the lesson nobody needs to fail at a first-time conversation just ask something simple keep it generic how do you like your coffee when was the last time you watched a movie what did you think of it and when somebody gives you their opinion really listen. Don't listen to reply, listen to listen. There's a difference and that brings me to my next point.
Be present. I know you've been through this. I know I have. You're pouring your heart out to someone and they're like this, yeah, yeah, go on keep talking. I can multitask.
What's with the Wi-Fi? You know when someone is trying to communicate with you, the least you can do is really be in that conversation. Just be wholeheartedly present.
Just be there. And oh, my favorite part, make eye contact. eye contact. Trust me, eye contact is where all the magic happens.
You can feel the conversation. And trust me, when you're looking at someone in the eye, 9 out of 10 times they will not dare look away. Right?
Now if only I could look into the eyes of 1.6 million people, I would not have to worry about you guys tuning out during the ad breaks. That brings me to this. My favorite point because I think it's got a catchy name.
Name plays animal thing. You remember that game. Remember the little details about a person. Remember their name. It's so important.
It's awful when you meet someone for the 18th time and you say, You must be Paul. No, no. Peter.
Something with a P and it ends with... It's terrible. Remember someone's name and say it back to them. You have no idea how important you're making them feel. And that's not the only detail.
Remember all the other details as well. The places they like to go to, the places they've been they've been to, the places they want to go to, their pets'names, how their pets been feeling lately, the things they like. Remember their children's names, that's such a winner. And remember their wives'names and their girlfriends'names.
Just don't mix up the last two because that could be disastrous. Remember these little things about people and repeat it back to them. Ask, be genuinely interested.
And automatically you kind of become an investor in their well-being. So they feel responsible to you to keep that conversation going. There we go. Seven amazing ways that you can make conversation with anyone and seven reasons why you should use the break that's going to come up to talk to a stranger that you don't know.
I'm going to end with this analogy. A conversation is like reading a book. You can turn to any page you want. You can flip to your favorite chapter. You can read as long as you want and you can read what you want and every person trust me is a really good book and it saddens me so much that entire human lives are being boiled down to 140 characters and catchy headlines because that's not what we are.
We are not abridged version. We are entire human stories. We deserve more from each other.
So what are you going to do in this big world that we call the library? Are we going to walk around and look at the hardbound copies and read the titles? Or are you going to actually reach for a book, open a page and start reading a story?
You decide. Thank you.