Lecture Notes: The Five Chairs

Introduction

• Presenter: Hui Chu Chen
• Main topic: Behaviors and attitudes we bring into the world.
• Five chairs represent choices we have in our interactions.

Personal Story

• Attempt to bond with partner's daughter (20 years old).
• Chose Blue Note Jazz Club in Milan.
• Manhattan Transfer performing.
• Initial excitement dampened when daughter was on her iPhone.

Choices Faced

1. Disappointment: Frustrated by daughter's phone use.
2. Self-Doubt: Questioned value of the outing.
3. Pause and Reflect: Take a deep breath, avoid jumping to conclusions.
4. Focus on Connection: Emphasize safety and openness in the relationship.
5. Curiosity: Understand what's important to her.

Key Takeaways from the Story

• Recognizing choices in response to behaviors.
• Importance of maintaining positive connections.
• Choices affect conversations, relationships, and overall quality of life.

Introduction of the Five Chairs Concept

• Inspired by a nine-day course in nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg.
• Aim: To slow down behaviors and analyze them.

The Five Chairs Explained

1. Red Chair (Jackal Chair)

   • Represents blame, judgment, gossip, and negativity.
   • Common behavior: "I'm right" game.
   • Self-reflection: Challenge judgments and focus on love over judgment.

2. Yellow Chair (Hedgehog Chair)

   • Vulnerability and self-judgment.
   • Common thoughts: self-doubt and victim mentality.
   • Encourages courage in addressing personal weaknesses.
   • Quote: "The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe ourselves without judging." - Krishnamurti.

3. Green Chair (Meerkat Chair)

   • Mindfulness and awareness.
   • Encourages curiosity and understanding others' emotions.
   • WAIT: "What am I thinking? What am I telling myself?"
   • Quote: "You have your way; I have my way. As for the right way and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche.

4. Blue Chair (Detective Chair)

   • Self-awareness and boundary-setting.
   • Being assertive without being aggressive.
   • Quote: "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." - Aristotle.

5. Purple Chair (Giraffe Chair)

   • Empathy, compassion, and understanding.
   • Putting ego aside to listen and care for others.
   • Encourages embracing diversity and different perspectives.
   • Quote: "I don't like that man. I must get to know him better." - Abraham Lincoln.

Practical Application of the Chairs

• Recognize shifts between chairs in daily life.
• Maintaining balance between negative and positive chairs enhances rationality and thoughtfulness.
• Viktor Frankl's quote: "Everything can be taken from man but one thing. The last of human freedoms - to choose our attitude in any given set of circumstances."

Conclusion

• Encourage attendees to use the five chairs in personal and professional lives.
• Aim for improvement in relationships and environments, one behavior at a time.