what I'm going to speak about over the next 20 minutes or so is about this word called perception but I'm gonna take it around I'm gonna play with it you know why because nobody else does we're going to shake it a little and so pardon me if sometimes what I say strikes home hurts a little if it does good if it doesn't I'm just saying you're not listening if I would look at the yin-yang as as the globe as the world and I'd say it's you know one half is full of hope love peace I'm just going to say this it can be a nasty place it's filled also with cruelty and hatred and we do that to ourselves we do that to others in the process we create such damage that sometimes we don't want to acknowledge it but sometimes were very proud of it and that process of creating damage can derail lives can derail careers can destroy relationships can topple governments can bring down presidents why is it that perception is so so evil or why does it even come up in the first place let's go to school when you didn't understand maths do you remember the feeling you do right when you walked into a class and you saw that teacher do you remember that feeling you do right okay so then we won't need to come to college who have fun at school but the problem is this we don't understand because we fear but we never take the trouble to do this what do you think this is what do you think this is connect okay so connect is so critical because if you don't reach out we'll never know the other side strewth but we're very conveniently okay with creating their truth for us and others I'm very fine with that so we fear things so so let's let's go let's go to the smallest unit that we know for mankind it's called the family have you heard of instances where a parent actually maligns a child's reputation within their own circle that boy terrible and that boy could be five he could be 25 that boy is the kid that girl very sly thing but have you experienced this it could be parent it could be sibling or it could be extended family but somebody is doing it and maybe you're none of those so now they've created a perception of you and everyone looks at you through those lenses the minute they see you Oh miss sly has walked in the minute they see you oh the wicked boy is here and no matter what good you do it's useless and sometimes you try too hard no no that's not me that's just not who I am and we try hard to invalidate those perceptions crater about us and we try and we try and we try but you know somehow even in the comics even in the movies the bad guys always win because you can't be around everyone all the time telling them I'm the good guy I'm not that person so you walk away guess what window for perception to come in window for the people who are there to discredit you beautiful opportunity finally two things one of two things are going to happen one is that you're gonna try your best to change it or you'll just flip the other way and say I don't care anymore I just don't care anymore and then sometimes you go one step further and say if that's who you think I am let me become that person for you and now you change because of someone else and you will live in anguish and hate and frustration just to prove someone right where all this time you're trying to prove them wrong and you change and your relationships change and then suddenly one day you say it's not worth it so let's call these people toxic people they're in your houses they're in your friends circle they're in your teams they're in the government they're all over and you might be one of them all right so while you're very safely saying aye aye yeah whoa that's you and I'm not talking of momentous massive strategic attack to people I'm just talking of the small things small things so a week ago I was doing a leadership session with the senior leadership of an automotive giant global giant one gentleman said you know if the lie if a light shines a thousand times it becomes the truth so let me just change it to people if a perception is believed by many does it become the truth well it doesn't but guess what it becomes their truth and it becomes your challenge for the rest of your life so change it around if the truth the truth is known by just a few or one does it become a lie no it doesn't but guess what hey numbers count they're not on your team the numbers are there you're standing alone you say no no I'm gonna fight this that's a you and what team nobody there so now you have a choice give up and most of us do we just we just don't have the energy we don't have the strength we don't care anymore saying that I don't want to do this anymore some of us walk out of relationships but can you leave your parents yeah I've heard of parents say I disown you from today you're not my child so yeah good tell that to the doctor and the government right Wow moment Wow moment so how do you then decide to fight something that you no longer can fight how do you stand up for yourself or is it worth it should you stand up it happens everywhere it happens at work you have people who create perception about you and then you're left fighting right you have people who malign your name and your every action and if you're in the corporate career you'll hit what's known as the glass ceiling you do a great job when it comes to appraisal somehow you're not the person who's promoted somehow why oh no because I heard they said you showed no I didn't show but I saw how did you see I didn't show no no maybe you don't remember I saw but I saw my perception is becoming so rock solid it's now a wall it's it's no longer filter it's a wall and I just can't go through so what do I do why in the first place do we have perception so when they're born babies already know the difference between like don't like good bad try putting something sour in their mouth what happens have you seen a baby's whatsapp videos you know if someone takes a lemon and puts in the baby's mouth and the baby goes well for the next two minutes what is the way we do that why can't you fool the baby into saying very nice babies clean slate they don't understand they don't know they don't feel so how is it that sar is sour for them how is it that pungent is pungent for them how is it that sweet is sweet for them and how do they know I want milk I don't want mutton perception is preloaded you have that distinction of if a spider comes in there are some children you know there are parents who fear dogs and there are children who just walk up and hold the dog now we get into the zone called conditioning we start creating our children in our image or our children absorb everything so if you don't like the ante next door every time you come into the lift you should even also give them a dirty look we start conditioning them on what I think is bad is bad what I think is good is good do what I say so we conditioned sometimes we conditioned through positive interaction positive strokes saying that listen don't do this it's not good oh I love my dad idolized my mom if they are saying it I will believe it sometimes we punish them into accepting our truth saying that this is bad you do this next time no movie or no dinner or no family I'll disown you right so you say okay safe-side let me just that's my reality and then we grow up and we come to college by now ladies and gentlemen intelligent beings that we are our perception becomes conscious or unconscious perception which means that we will consciously do things to people how we'll just do them subconsciously because the conditioning has been so solid right so it's okay to discredit someone if you want to get ahead in life push the other person down that's good if you want to succeed make sure that there's no competition wipe them out it's all about winning is it is it all about winning Best Actor Award Hey there are five actors I think they've done a great job why should he or she get the award somebody said I think this this you know technical angle seems to have made it right what about the other four so we call them good losers but we still call them losers so good bad winner loser and we're stuck in that as we go along and we start creating the impression of now I'm in control and I like the control the feeling of control knowing I can destroy someone we use the most powerful weapon known to man it's called the tongue and it comes out end of you end of the story right so now we start engaging with people discrediting them and doing this but have you ever thought of what happens to them because this is what we're talking about today that's the elephant what happens to those people have you been on the receiving end I'm sure you have at least once in your life and if it's more then I I empathize with you because I know the hurt it's terrible to constantly receive somebody's perception you know people don't know you they look at you it's happened to me how many of you show of hands think I'm a boxer just let me see your hands there you go so we have this we have this image and we start writing off people they are like this so there are people who will malign you they will create their impression about you and it's the truth what happens to people like this so first you get irritated why are people doing this it's irritating then it goes on now you start getting frustrated they're doing it they're doing it again then it keeps happening and now you're saying they're doing it they're doing it again they're still doing it now you start getting angry and then they still do it and now you you just blow into range god help you if someone sees you at that moment you could be Gandhi but if they see you in rage that longi that stick and everything else is out of the window you're no longer the nice guy one second so it starts doing things to you so you you fly into a rage suddenly you say That's not me so why am i doing this now the other option is either I engage or disengage so I say it's better I disengage let go of the toxic people in my life I'm stepping back I don't want this now people don't see you enough you're isolated you're lonely because every time you go there they do this magic of perception and you say I don't like this so you step back when you start getting isolated you get lonely when you get lonely you get depressed and depression is the killer and there are so many people who because of perception I've committed suicide or just let go of their life and it all probably started with a very innocent she's a terrible person and maybe you said it but you were not there to see the effects of what happened so the big question is what can we do about it I mean it's a it's a reality can we do something about it yes we can so let's just let's talk about that for a while firstly let's start with stop stop doing this to people ask yourself why do you do this why do people discredit or malign people why do they do that one is because of their own insecurities they don't know how to handle it the best way to do it is to destroy someone so their own insecurities the second one is that some people are narcissistic it's all about them it's all about power it's all about my point of view and your crap it doesn't matter so I'll just treat you like that so firstly stop ask yourself why are you doing this are you insecure fix your insecurities don't destroy someone else all right the second one is this we fear what we don't know so if we know we feel less or we'll stop fearing so start connecting with people hurting you say no to hurt let them go if they follow you still let them go if they still follow you it's time you got into something called caring confrontation we don't like confrontation we don't like to address things we just don't like it how about caring confrontation listen I moved you followed me I moved you followed me I moved you're still following me but while you are following me and I'm good because mary mary had a little lamb and all that was fine you damaged me every time you come along why do you do that can we have that conversation why do you keep doing these things to me and do you understand the extent of the damage that you're causing is it possible for you to understand that so caring confrontation talk to people have those conversations guess what I'm guessing most of us will not do it we will just not do it we don't care anymore we say I'd rather not talk to that person then solve it because I've tried probably I've tried to I try it I'm fed up or I don't have it in me so I'd rather live like this then confront people so please decide do you want to change it we were born we were here for love peace and hope