Notes on Confidence and Communication

Key Concepts

• Portraying Confidence
  • Focus on the feeling of warmth rather than aggression.
  • Slow down your speech, maintain eye contact, and be present in the conversation.
  • Posture matters: chin up, shoulders back.
  • Confidence should not feel desperate or overly enthusiastic.

Reasons for Coming On Strong

• Desire to be liked or feel special can lead to overcompensation in social interactions.
• In a one-on-one conversation, it’s important to meet the other person’s energy rather than dominate.

Self-Respect and Authenticity

• Faking confidence often stems from low self-esteem and can lead to being perceived as unconfident.
• Authenticity is crucial; people can sense when someone is not being genuine.
• It's better to show up as your true self rather than project a false image.

Building Self-Respect

• Working on self-esteem through fitness, relationships, and purpose can lead to healthier interactions.
• Exposure therapy through practice is beneficial; the more you engage, the more comfortable you become.

Communication Techniques

• Use of Breath:
  • Take a breath before responding in high-stress conversations.
  • This helps maintain control and composure.
• Pausing and Silence:
  • Silence can be a powerful tool. Not everything needs a response.
  • Less is often more in conversations; confident individuals know they don’t need to respond to everything.

Navigating Conflict

• Conflict can be constructive if approached correctly.
• Breath as First Word:
  • Use a breath as a pause before responding to give yourself time to think.
• Letting Words Fall:
  • Not every comment requires a reaction; some words can be acknowledged and dismissed.
• Tactical Empathy:
  • Acknowledge the other person’s feelings without necessarily agreeing with them.

Setting Boundaries and Assertiveness

• Use assertive language to communicate boundaries effectively.
• Using phrases like "I don’t allow people to speak to me that way" can be powerful.
• Understand that walking away from an argument can be a sign of strength, not weakness.

Handling Difficult Conversations

• Frame the conversation by setting clear expectations at the beginning.
  • Example: "At the end of this conversation, I still care about you."
• Time limits can help ensure both parties feel heard; consider giving each person equal speaking time.

Body Language

• Positive body language: maintain eye contact, avoid crossing arms, and have an open posture.
• Smiling can help set a positive tone for difficult conversations.

Communication Skills

• Eliminate filler words like "um" and "like" to sound more confident.
• Be direct and specific, especially in professional settings or when delivering bad news.
• Avoid vague texts like "We need to talk"; it creates anxiety and speculation.

Conclusion

• Authenticity and respect for oneself lead to more meaningful conversations.
• The way you present yourself and manage conversations can significantly affect how others perceive you.