Can you get married without flirting? Yes, you can get married without flirting. How is that possible? Marriage.
You know, you shouldn't get married without talking, but you can get married without flirting. There's a difference between the two. A lot of people just want to chit-chat. You feel me? They just want to chit-chat and they want to keep chitting-chatting, okay?
And chit-chatting. And it's really fun and it's cool, but don't want to actually commit. Please, to those people say ain't nobody got time. Islam does not prohibit people from talking before getting married.
In fact, it encourages that we talk before we get married. You ask important questions. You know, your favorite color is not going to affect whether or not we have... have a good marriage, right?
You ask important questions about deen, about character, about likes and dislikes, about priorities, about vision of a family, about, you know, career. Those are questions that you want to ask. And you also see if your character lines up. Plus, I think the word flirting has multiple connotations. It can mean many things, right?
You don't have to talk rough and just business-like, but at the same time, you can't transgress. You can't go past, you know, the things that Islam has barred. Why?
Because look, if you go there, I'd say it's actually risky. to be romantic before getting married. Why? Because when you do that, you lose your mind. At that point, you're not going to see any of the flaws of a person, because you want that person to be perfect.
Realize that your worth, your worth is far too high to waste your time with people just looking to chit chat. Okay? If a man If a man, as she said, is actually serious about wanting to get married, he will want to approach your wali, your father, early on in the whole conversation. And if you find that he is absolutely hesitant about that step, then he may be a chit-chatter.
In Islam, it's okay to talk before getting married, but the Prophet ﷺ... prohibited khalwa, which is to be alone together. That doesn't mean that you have to sit and talk with like two people sitting right next to you and looking at both of you the whole time like that.
No, but that you're not alone together to where the talking can take a direction that's not proper. And I think that there's so much wisdom in that. Why?
Because you get to know a person the way you should get to know a person without rushing towards other things. You know, look, talk to a person under the halal guidelines inshallah ta'ala. But ask important questions. and look for their deen and their character always, religion and character. The first thing the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, if someone comes to you whose religion and character is pleasing to you, then marry that person.
So one is, are you at a stage where you can get married? That's very important, obviously. But the other is, is this person actually serious about getting married or are they just looking to fill up some time because it's fun?
And this whole idea, let's just be friends. No, I'm very serious and I'm looking for marriage and I'm not. interested in just chit-chatting so make sure that you have you know one of the best like indicators is okay can you talk to my dad and and and realize talking to someone's dad doesn't mean you're gonna do nikah the next day in 24 hours talking to someone's dad is just just means i'm serious about the intention of marriage it doesn't mean that now you you're halas that's it you're commit you're stuck Talking to someone that doesn't mean you're stuck. It just means that I am serious about this process And that's that mean we need to reinstitute that that you know that that tradition, please please god Let's go back to that. But we we as women have to kind of have boundaries Not kind of we really have to have boundaries and men too brothers too.
Isn't it very short time to know a person? Without flirting, just have a conversation two or three times. It seems to be very risky. It doesn't have to be just two or three times. Islam does not, you know, if you realize the wisdom of the sharia, it doesn't say you can only talk two, three times per se.
It says what you can't do, not what you have to do, what you can't do. Because that keeps us within the bounds of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. It keeps us talking in ways that are important. Look, some people are going to need more conversation as long as they don't transgress the halal or, you know, and go into the haram.
by becoming physically intimate and speaking, you know, getting romantic with their language and being alone together. As long as they're not, then they can ask questions. They can talk.
And I think, by the way, one thing that's very important in marriage is to ask about the person before you marry them. To other people. To people that know the person well, okay?
And with all of that, here's the thing, with all of that, it's always going to be a risk. Marriage is a risk, okay? Because a person can misrepresent themselves over 20, times or over a hundred times.
And so that's where your trust in Allah comes. The intention to please Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la when you get married and praying istikhara properly. And inshallah ta'ala, you know, we pray that Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la give us righteous and good spouses.