hi everyone welcome back to my channel if you're new here I'm Courtney Ryan and today we're going to be doing one of my most requested videos probably of all time and that is how to be less socially awkward or how to stop being socially awkward and going over some behaviors that make you look this way they make you look a little bit odd or weird we're gonna get into it I've made a handful of videos to help out all of my fellow introverts out there as well as videos on how to keep conversations going and things like that but this one is going to take it a step further so I'm going to be highlighting some behaviors that make you come across in a way that maybe you don't want to and then I'm going to end the video with some tips that have really helped me that I hope will help you too and don't feel bad if you do these things we're going to work on it together that's why you're here what I don't want is your social awkwardness or social anxiety to turn into social isolation you are a human and nobody is perfect please please please please remember that the first Behavior I have here that makes people come across socially awkward is self-disclosure and that's a lack of or excess of I've talked about this in a video before and referred to self-disclosure as emotional vomit although it's not always emotional so we can just call it over sharing to simplify things sometimes we just reveal too much too quickly and it makes us come across a little bit strange there's a natural progression to revealing things about yourself when you meet someone or you're getting to know someone and sometimes when we self-disclose too much too fast it can come across in a way that we probably don't want it to and this is a very easy thing to do if you're an introvert like me you probably hate small talk this is why we don't necessarily thrive in big groups or social situations but with that being said you've got to start somewhere I also do want to point out that sometimes you will naturally click with people more than others and you'll reveal things quicker and you guys will start to talk about deeper subjects or your past or whatever it is you might get into the self-disclosure much quicker than you would with someone else that's very normal but you don't want to introduce yourself and immediately start talking about how you have a foot fetish it could be anything but that's just what came to mind sometimes it's okay to just keep things to yourself and if you struggle with this I think that following an equal sharing rule can really help if someone shares something with you you can share something at the same level a very simple example here is someone sharing what their hobbies are you can reciprocate and share the same thing about yourself and then on the flip side to revealing too much is revealing nothing at all I think people who don't reveal anything about themselves or they're never vulnerable they never open up they never share anything about themselves people don't trust you people don't feel connected to you people don't feel like they can talk to you about things or open up to you because you're not doing it back makes sense so I really think following that equal sharing rule is super helpful my next point is eye contact too much or too little when listening or when speaking too much eye contact can be uncomfortable intense and overbearing and little or no eye contact can make you look nervous uninterested insecure withdrawn or overall all just odd think about if you're having a conversation with someone and you're speaking to someone and the whole time they're just looking off like this when they're responding to you and think about if I shot a video looking over here the whole time and I wasn't looking at you guys the entire video you'd be like what the heck is this girl doing because it's weird right sufficient eye contact shows the people we're listening or speaking to that were engaged and interested and attentive our faces reveal so much and honestly just body language in general and I think it's really important and helpful to understand how this impacts how we're perceived by others I also want to touch on some other body language things here that can make you come across awkward as well having your hands in your pockets another one is moving too much being skittish being fidgety these can all make you look like you're tweaking out so again know the importance of body language I have done many videos on body language if you need a little extra help my next Point here is an inability to read social cues also known as read the room this is one of the main things that I personally notice with dating that makes things relax board real fast what I'm talking about here is someone giving you cues that maybe they need to leave a conversation or maybe they're not interested when you overstay your welcome or you linger too long it becomes really awkward I'll give you a situational example here too so say maybe you approach a girl at the gym this is Hit or Miss by the way I've done many videos about this it's just like winning the lottery okay so you approach a girl at the gym maybe she has her headphones in you approach her you start to talk to her and she like has one headphone out talking to you but she like keeps trying to put the headphone back in to show you that she's in the zone she's trying to listen to her music she's not interested in what you're saying if a girl wants to talk to you she will take the headphones out she will not continue to re-put them back in her ears or like look away from you she will be turned towards you engaged in the conversation but if she's not doing that and she's putting her headphones back in trying to go back to her set or trying to go back to her music that would be a social cue to you that she's either not interested or doesn't want to talk so move along when you stand there and continue to try to talk to her and linger or too long it makes you come across awkward it can make you come across creepy to a lot of women again I've discussed this creepy concept and I do think not being able to read the room can make a man come across as creepy it just is what it is so reading social cues is very important another example that doesn't even involve dating is say you're having a conversation with someone and they're like all right well it was really great to meet you I've got to get going you know great to meet you take care and you continue to ask them questions or stand there and talk to them and keep the conversation going even though they've already expressed to you that they gotta go so when you ignore that or you don't acknowledge these social cues you're making things awkward for yourself so I just mentioned exiting a conversation but entering a conversation can be something where you need to read social cues as well I could think of a million different examples for this one if you guys have any questions specifically you can comment down below and I'll do my best to help down there my next one is proximity and yes there is such thing as personal space ladies and gentlemen standing too close to someone and invading their little personal bubble makes someone instantly feel uncomfortable on guard and like they don't want to be there this will vary depending on the culture probably like everything else on this list as well but here in the United States the range is 12 to 18 inches at least so make sure that you give someone personal space when you're talking to them you don't want to be standing this close to their face and you've got your bad breath all up in their face I don't know if you use a tongue scraper like I told you to in my grooming and hygiene tips maybe your breath doesn't stink and that's not the issue but you're still too close and on the flip side then standing too far away can be weird too it might impact how well that person can hear you so it's not like you need to carry around a little measuring tape in your pocket and make sure you're 12 to 18 inches away when you go stand next to someone but just do something that feels comfortable don't get too close because this is a Surefire way to make someone feel really uncomfortable and of course be sure to keep the scenario in mind here too and the last behavior that comes across socially awkward is having no filter now I want to start off by saying I absolutely believe that you should be genuine and authentic I want that for all of you and I'm not telling you to act fake or be someone that you're not or to be a people pleaser we don't want to do any of those things but those things are very different than being someone who has no filter one thing that I like to keep in mind is that there's a time and a place sometimes it's just not the time or the place to make a specific remark or to enter a conversation having absolutely no filter for yourself what you say to your BFF might not be something that you want to say to your new boss at your job keeping appropriateness and relevance in mind is something that will greatly help your conversation skills sometimes not all the time but having no filter or speaking in a way that makes other people feel visibly uncomfortable is a sign that you lack self-awareness and you're a little bit socially awkward so again I'm not telling you to be something that you're not or to be a people pleaser or to be fake but just keep appropriateness and relevance in mind is what you were about to say relevant to the conversation if it's not maybe just don't say it is what you're about to say not appropriate and will make someone feel uncomfortable then don't say it sometimes really it is okay to keep things to yourself we don't always need to say everything we don't always need to type everything out sometimes we can just think something in here and move along with our day now moving on from the weird behaviors I have a few tips for you guys that I think will really help because they helped me the first tip I have is to focus on the other person when you're in a conversation with someone or you're interacting with other people do your best to give them your attention and focus instead of overthinking or hyper fixating on yourself and your every move not only does this naturally make the conversation better because you're genuinely listening to them and engaged in the conversation it can also really help you to naturally relax when you give your attention elsewhere again instead of overthinking or hyper fixating on how loud you're breathing or what you're going to say next there was one type in high school where I can remember this so vividly I had just started dating this boy and he was driving me around in his car and it was kind of quiet in the car and I started just thinking in my head about my breathing and how loud I was breathing so much so that I started to hold my breath and we were going over all these bumps and every time we would go over a bump I literally felt like I was going to hyperventilate again this is very embarrassing I in the past have had social anxiety so that's why I can confidently share these tips with you because I have been there I have hyper fixated on the way that I'm breathing so much so that I feel like I can't breathe so I've been there and when you hyper fixate on yourself or you overthink or even if you're in a conversation and you're thinking about what you're going to say next instead of actually listening the conversation sucks because you probably didn't actually hear what they said and you're just constantly thinking of the things that you're going to say which is not great for having a good conversation I've done videos about how to keep a conversation going how to have a great conversation how to be charismatic and thinking about what you're going to say is never on the list of things to do my second tip here is to practice your storytelling this is an easy trick that helps keep people engaged and interested in your story or just the conversation in general think about how you can connect with your audience so whoever is listening to you you might have to tailor a story to fit to who you're speaking to if I'm telling a story to my mom for example I might give her different details than I give my best friend when I'm telling the same story because different things might be relevant to both of them using analogies and giving examples can also help people better understand what you're trying to say being a good Storyteller is something that I have always really struggled with because I go on all these different Avenues I can't just stay in a straight line I'm like oh I have to include this detail in this detail and I find myself being all over the place so this is something that I have personally been working on and I have found that anytime I've been in a conversation with someone or I've been listening to a speaker or even a video where someone is a very good Storyteller it keeps me hooked it keeps me engaged and I genuinely listen to what they're saying and one thing I've noticed that people often do when they are a good Storyteller is using examples or analogies this can help people better understand what you're saying and show that you care that they learn something they connect with you and they understand it being a good Storyteller is one of the best ways to have a great conversation and if you're someone who's socially awkward practicing this can really help and my last tip here is to show up for yourself whether you like it or not I know you're going to be kicking and screaming in the comments but first impressions are so important part of this is the way that you show up the way you dress and carry yourself and present yourself self included dressing for success and just putting General effort into your appearance shows that you care and this plays a role in how people perceive you again I know some of you are not going to like that or you're going to think that it's shallow but psychology has shown us time and time again the importance of First Impressions and making a good one think of this as your personal brand the way that you show up says a lot about you the effort that you put into yourself can also build your confidence and your self-esteem which will then reflect in the way that you carry yourself and interact with people it will make you more confident in yourself more sure of yourself in your social situations will reflect this also included in this is your grooming and your hygiene if your breath stinks and you're all up in my business too close to me the proximity point that I mentioned I'm not going to want to be there and I know this is different in other cultures and places in the world so keep that in mind I'm just talking about the United States of America because that is where I live the great thing about this video and everything that I decided to include on this list and something I was very thoughtful about when I was making this is that these are all learnable skills sure they might take some practice but a lot of things take practice if you want to be good at them and this one is certainly worth the effort even if you're one of my autistic guys out there who are watching that might struggle to read social cues or maybe you just feel like you're a little bit awkward learn learning these things and just practicing can really help you we all have different strengths and weaknesses there are some people who you know great conversation comes a lot more naturally to them maybe they're a bit more extroverted or charismatic while some of us might have to try a little bit harder to get there and that's okay that comes with anything we all have things we're good at we all have things that we need to work on and practice that's just the way life is but in the midst of all of it please remember that you are human you are not a robot so if you do any of the things I talked about on this list today it's okay that's why you're here to learn we all have to start somewhere and I promise just practicing the things on this list today will really help you so guys it is all I have for this video if you liked it or found it helpful be sure to give it a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel to be in the loop for when I release new content if you haven't already be sure to follow me over on Instagram Courtney Christine Ryan I love connecting with all of you guys over on there as well I do a lot of interactive stuff on my stories like q and A's asking for video ideas and things like that so if you would like to participate that is the place to to do it as always thank you all so much for watching and I will see you all next time