In just 20 seconds you're going to meet Lindsay Darger who is a certified sex education specialist and she's going to be teaching you how to pleasure a woman in the bedroom with just your hand. This will get women hooked on you and coming back for more, and if you don't have any women that you're dating right now or to use the techniques in this video with then I want you to check out TrippAdviceCoaching.com. There you can get a one-on-one coach to teach you how to meet women in person and online. We set up the dating profile for you, we help you with approach anxiety and going out and talking to women and we will make sure that you get so many dates that you can't even handle it and you'll be able to use, like I said, the techniques in this video. Go to TrippAdviceCoaching.com, the link is down in the description below and now here is Lindsay. Hello I'm Lindsay Darger certified sex educator and relationship coach and today I'm going to teach you exactly how to finger a woman the right way. There are so many parts to be aware of, but once you get the basics you're going to know how to finger like a pro. This is a really incredible skill to have just so that you feel confident in what you're doing and also you know how to actually please a vulva owner, or your girlfriend wife the woman in your life. I want to get started by talking first about hygiene. Yes, we do need to cover this and so we're going to start here. Hygiene is so important, think about it. You use your hands all day for everything and if you don't wash your hands before think of all of the germs and the potential bacteria that could then enter your woman and create some sort of issue for her down the line. I want you to think about that because women have UTIs and yeast infections all the time. It's super common and a lot of it just starts with basic hygiene. Before you start to finger your woman I suggest just wash your hands before play. That's step number one. Number two is all about lubrication. You guys, she needs to be wet, whether this is through arousal and you taking your time to get her there, which I recommend, or actually grabbing some lube. Nothing is worse than a dry finger or toy or anything going inside of the vaginal canal. So make sure you pay attention to lubrication. I want to talk a little bit about this because there is a difference between a woman's discharge and their arousal fluid. Their discharge happens depending on where they're at in their menstrual cycle. I'm gonna briefly run through this with you just to give you a quick little cliff note or as I like to call it a clit's note version of what this is. Every woman has four phases in their menstrual cycle. First one being menstruation this is where women bleed. Everyone knows about this every month aunt flow comes to visit. The second one is the follicular phase and then it moves into ovulation. After ovulation then it goes to the luteal phase and back into menstruation, so again four phases. There's so much more information around this that would be a whole other video, and for the purposes of this video we're going to leave it at that. But I am going to give you a way to relate it which might be a little more easy to digest. When a woman is bleeding or in her menstruation that's considered her winter. The follicular is spring, the ovulatory phase is summer, and the luteal phase is fall. Think of it that way, the four seasons, winter spring summer and fall. And during her menstruation or her cycle that is considered a dry phase even though she's bleeding. In spring early spring it's still a little dry down there but it starts to pick up and become a little bit more wet based off of her cervical mucus and the discharge that it's creating preparing for ovulation. Then we move into summer or ovulation also a wet season, and then towards the end of summer moving into fall it's going to start getting dry again. The reason I mention this is so many people think that when they touch a vulva owner or a woman and they're wet they think oh you're wet you're horny you're turned on I'm good to go. And actually this is more than likely her discharge. It's a great indication of where she's at in her cycle if she's in her fertile window and so it's something to pay attention to. The reason I tell you this is because discharge is not lubrication. It is not arousal fluid, it's simply a totally different thing. Now that you have some of this basic information, I want you to start to really think about turning on your woman regardless of if she's wet down there. Just because she's wet it does not mean that she's fully turned on and aroused. Next step, now that we understand the difference between discharge and arousal fluid I want to show you a model of the vulva, and we're going to do just a very quick anatomy lesson so that you know what you're working with. And before we wrap up jumping into all of these I do want to mention that arousal fluid comes from the skene's gland and the bartholin gland. I may have mispronounced that last one however both of these glands play a very important role in female arousal and actual lubrication that's produced from these glands, and they actually live right here behind the opening of the vaginal canal. You cannot see them but that's where that arousal fluid or that lubrication is excreted from when you turn on your woman. Now that we've covered that this is a vulva. Many people call women's anatomy a vagina, that is just not anatomically correct. Most people are referring to everything you can see from the outside which is considered a vulva and that is inclusive of all of these parts and pieces. Let's go over them. If you've never seen this before now you know. Armed with more information is going to arm you with giving more pleasure to your partner. First and foremost we have the very top of the vulva. This is the mound of venus or the mons pubis, this is just the very top part that is covered with hair and pubes. Really doesn't have a lot of sensation but it is there for protection. There's some fatty tissue there and right behind the top of it lies the pubic bone and if we didn't have that fatty tissue appear on the mound mons pubis then you would basically be having bone on bone friction which wouldn't feel good for anyone, so we're very grateful for this part of the vulva. Moving down we have our outer labia for our outer lips these are also the puffy lips on the outside, they grow pubic hair and then we have the inner lips which these are very sensitive, sometimes they can be longer for women shorter all sizes shapes colors all are completely normal and beautiful as I'm sure you very well know. If you're watching this video you want to learn how to finger like a pro how exactly to please your woman and you are in love with this part of her body. Now that we've gone over the labia the top of the vulva which is the mons pubis now I want to show you of course the infamous clitoris. This is the clitoris right here. We have the clitoral hood this protects the clitoris but just underneath it is the clitoral head and this is very sensitive. The clitoral head on a woman contains anywhere from 8,000 up to I think about 12,000 nerve endings at this point. It's very sensitive and men on average have between four to six thousand, so almost half. Keep that in mind as you touch the clitoris. Some women like direct clitoral stimulation others more indirect. Only your woman's gonna know and you exploring their body and asking questions and being open to communication is going to help you navigate this in the best way possible for her. Right below the clitoris is what we call the urethra. This is the urethral opening and you pee out of the urethral opening. Many people if you've never had an anatomy lesson think that women pee out of their vagina, that's where they bleed from, why wouldn't they pee from there? Well they don't, they pee out of the urethra. The urethra is connected to a tube that connects to the bladder and the bladder of course is where the urine accumulates and then you excrete it from the urethra. That's how that works. And then finally we have landed on the vaginal opening down here and that is the vagina. All of this is the vulva this is the vagina. The vagina is a canal that connects the vaginal opening or the vulva all the way up to the cervix. Now you guys this is not a fully inclusive anatomy lesson. There's so much more to the female anatomy that if you want to learn more I highly recommend it and you can feel free to check out some of my educational information if you want to learn all of the parts and pieces, because I promise you it will help you learn how to be a better lover and a more attentive lover to your partner. Okay so much information is coming at you but I'm going to show you through this information how to become a pro at fingering that is why we are here. I'm going to show you one more anatomical structure and model to really help paint the picture on why all of this is so important when it comes to fingering your woman. Next I want to show you the clitoris. This is a woman's clitoris, this whole structure. It is this big, this is an actual life-size structure of the clitoris. It's not just the head that part right that you can see on the outside, it's this whole structure including the shaft the legs and what we call the vestibular bulbs. This is an entire arousal network. This contains that 8,000 - 12,000 nerve endings, and most women require some form of clitoral stimulation to orgasm. And so the reason I'm telling you all of this is some some men or some people will go right for just inserting into the vagina and just start start to finger. And it's going to take a long time to make your woman orgasm just by doing that, and if there's no lubrication you're quite frankly just doing it wrong and it's probably pretty uncomfortable for your woman. Understanding this is going to help you so much. On average it takes about 15 minutes for the clitoris to become fully erect. Yes I said erect, just like your penis it needs to become erect. I don't know about you, if it's not fully erect, I mean there's not going to be a whole lot of play happening. You might be into it and that's okay for you, however, I'm just gonna make a blanket statement. If you don't have an erection you're not having sex, same for the woman. If they don't have an erection it's not time to put anything inside of their vagina. It's just not time yet. So keep that in mind about 15 minutes it's really not all that long. Pay attention to her body kiss her neck in her sensitive areas her breasts stomach inner thighs. You can even massage feet hands massage her scalp. Get creative on how you can just get her turned on and get this erect. Once it's erect she will be excreting that arousal fluid that I mentioned at the beginning and she will be begging for it. If you need an indication of when it's time to put something inside of her, this is the indication. She is begging for it. She's saying put something inside of me, she wants it. So in this time you can kiss around the vulva, you can kiss the clitoris, you can activate this entire network of nerves so that she is awakened aroused and ready for any form of penetration. In this video we're talking about your fingers. We've covered the basics. This right here waiting 15 minutes warming her up paying attention to her lubrication is going to win you mega points in the bedroom. I promise you that. Once she's begging for it, once she's ready now it is time to insert your fingers. We're gonna bring back the puppet to demonstrate this. You're going to take one finger or two, typically two I would say is common. It just gives you enough to really get some good traction and rhythm and enough that feels really good, but some women might want more or less. This is where communication comes in and just play an exploration, so explore but I'm going to show you with two. You're gonna put your fingers in very softly. When you're fingering a woman you want more of a come here motion as you are massaging the internal wall of the vagina. This is the wall towards the belly button I guess is the best way to put it, and when you are massaging that wall you are going to start hitting the G-Spot, yes the G-Spot. The elusive G-spot I'm going to teach you about that too. Going back to my vulva puppet you can see right in here this little ridge thing is the G-Spot. If you put your fingers in and up that's when you're gonna hit it. I'm going to show you the back here of my puppet and that's when you're actually going to feel the G-Spot, and it's actually going to feel a little ridged and spongy and plush, especially if you've taken your minimum of 15 minutes to warm her up. If she's dry, does not have lubrication, isn't super turned on, it's not gonna feel like all that much. But if she's really aroused and she's ready for insertion that's when you're going to reach up curve your fingers and you will feel this spongy textured part of the anterior wall of her vagina. That is the G-Spot and to give you one more anatomy lesson to really drive this home, what's happening is back to this urethra here, again this is where a woman pees. The tube the urethral tube that connects up to the bladder is surrounded by what's called a urethral sponge. During arousal during that 15 minutes that is going to swell with what's called female ejaculate. It is not urine it is female ejaculate. It's like a salty salt water kind of fluid, and that is when a woman squirts, that's what she's excreting. This is how not only you finger like a pro and make your woman orgasm while fingering, but if you're interested and she's interested as well this is how you can make her squirt. It's something that seems to be so elusive but anatomically it's as simple as that. You reach in and you're massaging that urethral sponge, that's why it feels spongy and richy, and if you penetrate it fast enough hard enough and with the right pressure then you're going to release the liquid from that sponge that just swelled and allow that to be excreted from the body, and that's called squirting. Another thing I love to point out about this is that not only is this fun and sexual and playful but it's also very functional for women. The reason this swells with that fluid is to protect the urethra from any kind of bacteria. If bacteria gets into the urethra it can get up into the bladder and cause a UTI or a urinary tract infection. So it's really important that the body does this but also it's super fun super sexy to find the G-Spot massage it. Not only is it massaging the clitoris this form right here when you hit that G-spot you're not only massaging the clitoris internally because this is an internal structure, but you're also leading your woman closer to orgasm. As you do this, you can pay attention to the clitoris on the outside of the vulva, but these vestibular bulbs are actually being massaged internally as you penetrate the G-Spot. You can be inside and you can be massaging fingering and she quite frankly is going to love it and it's going to probably be the best fingering she's ever had. We've covered a lot of ground here in a quite short amount of time and I've tried to make it as succinct as possible. I really hope this has made sense for you and it's given you more of an understanding of the female body, how arousal works, and how to become a fingering pro. Finally my last tip is about rhythm. You guys rhythm is so important. Slow and steady wins the race. You do not need to be fingering like a maniac unless you've built up enough arousal to get there. Slow and steady when you first go in okay and then slowly increase the speed, but find a rhythm and stay at that rhythm for a minute before you pick up speed or pressure, because if you're changing variation too much she can't relax into the sensation and into you. So keep that rhythm and she's going to give you cues. If she says don't stop literally don't stop. Do not change the pace, this doesn't mean harder, this means don't stop. Do exactly what you're doing and do not stop what you are doing. If she says harder or faster, there you go, go a little harder go a little faster. But just slightly increase that speed and then keep in a rhythm and that rhythm with enough time and patience will make her come, and not only make her come if you're hitting the G-Spot most likely she will squirt, and that is a whole fun adventure in itself. This has been a really fun moment with you teaching you how to finger like a pro. The only thing I want to add is that many companies out there sell squirt blankets. I won't name any but you can Google it and if you start to finger like a pro and learn how to make your woman have an ejaculatory orgasm or a squirting orgasm then I would probably recommend investing in one of these blankets because it's easy to wash it doesn't leak and get all of these other things in your home wet. It's a nice investment and you can just throw it out when you're ready to play. That's it for me. I really hope that you learned something, that you took something away, and that you will be blessing the women in your life with many happy orgasms and great fingering success. And just remember that all women are different. Communication is key when it comes to sex and being open to feedback is where the fun comes in. Sex should be fun and playful, not stressful. It doesn't need to be you're doing this wrong, do it different, do it better, you're not enough. We can get caught in these cycles of just kind of stress for no reason for something that's supposed to be so enjoyable and playful. Just remember to stay open to feedback if you're not learning you're not growing, and there is so much to learn when it comes to sex and pleasure and intimacy and connection, and it all starts and ends with communication. Happy sex life, happy fingering, and I wish you a wonderful rest of your day.