hey Saint Denise how are you that should be a new one what's up with y'all it was giving Mr Rogers how are you like a ringtone and this little this way you sit now is kind of funny because it's kind of like Indian style and you sitting like our four-year-old five-year-old Autumn on the couches does that trouble you no don't trouble me okay I'm glad your feet done though speaking of Indian style I will never uh forget a time when we went to Trinidad and I was on the radio show and I told my testimony and I made reference to being in kindergarten and sitting Indian style and he was like Indian style and he like looked offend offended and I was like yeah like when you sit down and you cross your legs and and I I came to realize that in Trinidad it's a lot of people who are ethnically Indian and so even make making reference to some something being Indian style just anyway I have a question before you got married to me when you were engaged all the things what did you think marriage would look like like when you imagined it huh that's a good question don't be honest that's a it's very ignorant that's usually the goal that's right I just look I thought it looked like you cooking for me every day you know um us having a whole bunch of babies lunch and um oh you know I don't know sex oh how do you want to take it there take it there you know so speaking of being in the sheets a lot speaking of marriage a whole lot speaking of man sheets like a whole lot how about under the comforter not the sheets huh because when you when you do it you're naked so you're kind of cold a little bit sometimes sometimes sometimes anyway because this is about to go far uh joining us today is Mr CD I was supposed to call your whole name Fabian and one of my mentors since 2012 Melody Fabian clap it up babies so so Melody Melody is the person who has kept helped keep me in my right mind who has helped me to love this man and love my children and I love y'all quite frankly thank you melody just thank you melody for all of your wisdom that you bestowed on me since I was 22 Sydney in your your living room and not only that you know Bustelo that poisonous caffeine from off the stove one time and I went to work I said I my belly is possessed I've never had the boo-boo that bad a ride in my belly I don't want no Puerto Rican coffee ever give me the white people coffee not only that one we need to talk to I've been talking about a lot of discipleship and mentorship and you know we have me and Jackie both have this you know disciples and mentors you know that disciple us individually but we have married couples who walk with us I'll look at you guys as a a couple who we glean to we look to you guys have helped us you guys have prayed with us and pray for us so I'm so grateful the other day um you know somebody was asking me um how are your kids so respectful and I was like why you why you say that and he's like every time you talk talking to a grown-up one of them comes behind you and they touch you in your on your arm and they don't even interrupt you they just they just wait until you until you respond to them and I said yeah they put their hand on it on my arm and they know they know that's how they get my attention but they are not supposed to interrupt me and I remember uh you know when I had my first child I mean I was talking to you my daughter was like two three and she's like Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy and you pulled me to the side and you said this is what we do to our children you know we she has to put our hand on my arm and she does not interrupt until you know and I took that from you sir and so all my kids do it now all my kids do it now you know and so you guys have just taught us so much through the years and so I'm just so grateful for you guys we love you guys awesome thank you thank you thank you for having us so we'll jump straight into it uh you both have kind of council couples um in relationships and dating and marriage for for a minute um and a hot minute recently probably the last two years y'all work with like family life at their marriage what's it called a weekend to remember okay I speak at their conferences and usually how many people are there yeah it depends on the venue so in y'all experience what would you say when you think about just the amount of couples you met with the questions that are asked the things that you have to speak to what would you say are some of the pressing needs that you see in people's marriages that we could talk through to today well I think um we we hear a lot about just communication problems in general yeah um couples are having a difficulty understanding What conflict is and how to overcome those conflicts the major conflicts we see has a lot to do with uh sex parenting um finances also like old relationships um and distractions I think that's been the bigger biggest biggest thing in this age too this is a lot of distractions Facebook social media um feeling like they're bidding for attention right they're constantly bidding for attention yeah would you say that that's unique yeah now I think it's increased a lot you know tips yeah technology in general and so it's it's packaged in the context of lack of connection and recognizing so we have a joke even between us that we share openly which kind kind of hopeful open for them as well I used to get upset with Melody how often she'd be on her phone and so one day I told her I was jealous she was like what you jealous about I said I'm jealous about Jerome and I'm like who's Jeremiah I said Jerome the phone and she was just like I know you just didn't name my phone you can't name my phone and I'm telling you like late at night she's on Jerome and we go out to dinner and she's on Jerome and we're driving around she's on Jerome and I'm like hey you need to get off Jerome can you not say it that way don't say it that way now you do me on your phone yes Jackie she don't she don't she don't even like like verbalize but she Jackie fuss with her eyes Okay and her her body posture so it's just like no I'll just stop talking yeah I'm not gonna talk to your ear like I'm and we teach this you got to listen with your face come on you gotta listen with your face and so we've had to come in agreement like I want to take a picture of the event we're at we're on a date I want to take a picture of the food or whatever he lets me have that moment and I put it away okay that's the agreement we have yes and at home we don't have the phones at the dinner table right if we want to play a little dining music because we do that sometimes in my house and we put it over to the side um yeah you know it's funny it's like we like Face Time on phones and stuff like that because there's something special about having Face Time and uh unfortunately we can have face time with the phone more than with each other yeah so we gotta learn how to do that what what is it what is the threat to unhealthy Communication in a marriage why why is that a problem if people are distracted and not communicating well because then you really don't know what your spouse is feeling and so then there's assumptions and then there's the enemy brings in his assumptions you know and so communication is so important like you have to build safety in your marriage to be able to share with one another yeah openly I talk to marriages they're seven years in and they feel like yeah I just can't I can't go there I can't go and I'm like what why can't you go there like this is your best friend this is your partner in life this is your spouse why do you feel that there are areas you just can't talk about and so building that safety is so important and there were times where we were trying to get to hard places there was something that my husband said I have to learn to Bear the weight of what you're sharing yeah so well real quick before I say that I just want to re like communicate that in a in a way the issue is Oneness distraction is an issue issue because the way that we find Oneness in our marriage relationships is through communication communication is the device that God has given us to find Oneness the sharing of words reveals our hearts so when we cannot reveal our hearts because we don't know how to communicate and we don't know how to communicate well then seven years into a marriage you still feel like you can't go to Greater depth of communication because you haven't been practicing it right so you don't feel that level of Oneness and there are various levels of communication that correspond to levels of Oneness so there was a time where Melody and I were at one of these weakened to remembers we were we were just um watching and listening and they went through those levels of communication and the the ultimate one is transparency where you're revealing who you are not just what you think not just what you feel who you are like how you how you actually bring yourself fully to a topic or a situation or even to the marriage and I had said to her say I I don't feel like you're very transparent with me and she thought about it for a couple days and came back to me she goes you know I think sometimes I too am hesitant to reveal that level of transparency with you because I'm slower to process than you are and I think that sometimes you jump in and want to fix something I'm trying to communicate to you so then I stop talking and that was real convicting because I had to learn how to just shut up and listen yeah that's good that's that's actually one of my you know I I'm a fixer and um and when I first got married it was very hard for me to be with somebody who was an internal processor yeah because the way I resolve conflict or the way I come to a conclusion is I have to verbalize it so when somebody offend me I'm not going to sit on for a day I gotta talk about it right now to even processing if she's different you know in that way and so God God had to convict me in the same way so that's that's crazy I want to ask though is is there uh is there a limit though like should there ever be a limit in which what we share when we share is it too much to share at times in a marriage because for sometimes I I I I could assume that for some people fear might be a factor of offense right of you know and so like what is what is the balance in that it's good yeah I I'll share something I I feel like um there's uh what you're sharing and then how often you're sharing if you like every day like I got another lie I want to tell you what I believe you know I got another thought I'm fighting you know there's some things you just talk with your girlfriend or your your sister in Christ like the females female to female yeah same sex your friend Godly friends you're going to talk to your Godly friend who is going to encourage you where you're like man I'm just processing this you can process with somebody yeah but bigger things I feel like you got to be able to bring stuff up uh struggles even I feel like there's couples who are like no you're never sure what you're struggling with with your spouse and it's like what yeah like how are they supposed to pray for you how are they supposed to they're anointed to to be your spouse so they have to pray for you they have to fight for you um so we were ministering to a couple of their older and they just stopped dating they weren't even dating while they had children the children are older and they still don't date and I said why yeah they said because it feels weird like we just got used to working side by side but we don't talk you know really and so how does that work exactly so it's just like you're not used to I can see it though your ministry Partners you're used to existing yeah right you know paying the bills together raising the children together even going to church together doing all the things together but not actually being together intimate yes well becoming one I mean speaking of coming one I mean you probably don't I don't know I want to talk about that do they become one because this is like it's kind of like what do they do schedule sex but Wednesday we're gonna have sex is that fine with you honey and that's not necessarily bad that's not necessarily bad to schedule sex if you're because because another way of looking at is that you're saying I'm reserving this time especially nothing else can break it but that on a side note though but but we all know that you can have sex but not be intimately close right yeah right so that can happen in marriage too yeah so again like I said I believe that God has given right Jesus is the word why are words so important why does the Enemy Bring Us lies but the Lord says that the truth will set us free yeah and that gets communicated by words or communication that's good yeah so um your thought there with regard to um how that couple wasn't really building they they stopped going deeper because there are greater levels as I mentioned and we just we just tend to kind of stop and we don't realize we can go deeper how does someone even discerned with how do I say this I think they're I think you can get in a rhythm sometimes with your spouse where you don't even realize that the rhythm is actually dysfunctional sure right yeah so you you don't even realize that I'm not being transparent like you're not even Discerning we're with so so are are there some like are there some rhythms you actually set in place to give you Clarity on where y'all are in your relationship so that you can address these kinds of issues yeah I hope they may say yes I feel like and I know this is not for everybody but you you have to be around a healthy couple to know what's healthy sometimes because it's like you don't even know you're in you grew up with dysfunction so that's all you know your friends are all dysfunctional and so we're all dysfunctional you know what I'm saying but sometimes when you're around a healthy couple you're like when the last time we went on a date you know like we don't even have a date night right like we have a date night we have a family night you know there's just things of ways to connect together even we had a conversation recently where I can go into work mode I know how to work yeah and he is loves Leisure and time and fun where he's like come on and we know Jackie right I could work yeah yeah and he could play right and you would think why would God partner us together right because we could really frustrate each other or we're better together yeah balance one another and balance one another I would be a workaholic without him and he'd just be playing all the time without me right and so we have to so he like recently was like babe we gotta keep building our friendship right so you have to have checks and balances with each other we do a thing like how's your love tank you know just checking in what's how's your love tank it's all e explain that do you feel loved by me in this season well in that very conversation so we had learned that early on in our marriage and so along with Gary Chapman's idea of the five love languages there's this concept of the love tank how do you feel your heart is in your connection your deep sense of Oneness with one another and uh for practical purposes you can use the The Love Languages or whatever and we would say to one another like how's your love tank and she would say like uh it's about Midway or I'm spilling over right now or I'm pretty low and that was and then you know like that would let me know I need to show my wife love in a way that makes sense to her so even the way we receive and give love have languages that's why he used that phrase yeah so my wife she feels filled when I serve her and when I bless her with gifts that just communicates I don't typically communicate love in that manner yeah I will often Shower with words and and hold and touch yeah so now we're learning how to fill her tank with the things that make sense to her yeah and vice versa to me so when we had that conversation I told her my love tank is low and she's like why because we were you know doing Ministry and we're you know getting things ready for the next season and making these plans and she was pulling up the calendar and let's do this and let's do that she was and she was in her happy Zone and I'm like yo we need to go and just go for a walk and hold hands and talk we need to shoot I'm like the more romantic one like or we can do something fun like go shoot some hoops and have some fun and I saw that y'all was out there playing basketball at like 10 p.m or something yeah yes and that and that filled my tank and then it and then she doesn't even realize oh she needs to slow down a little bit yeah she needs to like have fun a little bit because I because I think you know what what I think couples have to understand that you know when you feel somebody else tank it gives them the energy to kind of feel yours exactly you know because I want another and to love one another because I think a lot of for me you know I know with me like I don't like doing Ministry I don't like doing work I don't like doing things I like doing Ministry when when at times I don't I'm gonna be honest when I don't feel fed in other places because God because I had to I had to just come to the to to to the terms that God has wired me I'm a relational person exactly and so that kind of fuels me you know what I'm saying and kind of feeds me in a way you know I'm I'm in it so like I think I feed off relationships this is kind of how God has wired me and so not that I hate doing Ministry I just do it better when I feel like all the relations collaborative yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm similar I think the I think the hard part about what everyone is saying is really the hard part which is like the difficulty of marriage oftentimes is is that the fact that a healthy marriage like requires self-sacrifice yes it requires it yeah and so let me read something in in Ephesians 5 uh Paul says to uh the churches therefore be imitators of God as beloved beloved children and walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God it's from that place that he ends up getting to the fact that wives are to submit to their husbands and husbands ought to love their wives but he hasn't deviated from his Original Point right which is to give yourself up as a wife and as a husband I guess speak to the power of the spirit and how we need him in our ability to love our spouse as well because sometimes that's why I'm saying it sometimes I don't want to do that stuff because I don't want to do it yeah right so it's like I need a power outside of myself to give me some Grace to to love you as best oh yeah well you're doing good baby check this out later on in that verse he talks about that to love your spouse as you love your own body and there is a reciprocal aspect of doing the thing that you don't like knowing that the end result or the long-term blessing is a return in your investment so to speak and I typically like to start with men women can do the same but I like to say Gentlemen let's initiate the work into our wives as our own bodies whatever makes sense to them and as my wife pointed out it gives you the fuel right to then return that when I meet my wife where she's at it gives her the fuel to pour back on me and then we got this beautiful cycle going on the enemy wants to interrupt that the Lord wants to feel that the Lord gives us the Holy Spirit to feel that it says in um Ephesians 5 17 right that we are to be filled with the spirit singing Psalms and hymns and spiritual Psalms to one another uh it says later on in chapter five that walk through the Bible come on walk us through it come on call Daniel Amen it says to uh to water your spouse with the word of God come on right so when I S when I wake up my wife tells me this when she sees me up in the morning doing my devotions sitting at the table and she comes in and she and she can tell I've been there for a hot minute like for all intents and purposes it turns her on [Laughter] to me by his Spirit through the word I translate that word and speak it over her she gets filled I also am filled to do the other things like I I get more channeled energy for work through uh the holy spirit in our ministry let me say it this way man this is so powerful when my wife tries to energize me and encourage me to get the work done and you might experience this it doesn't come energizing for me it feels more like a nag and she's not trying to nag me she's gonna say hey what are we doing next but it feels like a nag because God didn't intend for us to get the fueling for our work from our wives we get the feeling from our work from our Master it's our master who delegates responsibilities to us that's good if I have FaceTime with the master work is related to worship right he Romans 5 where I offer our bodies as a Living Sacrifice which is your reasonable Act of service service or your spiritual worship when I spend face time with the Lord he fills me with the energy and the desire and and to get motivated so then I say hey babe so what now she's the administrator she's got like you Jackie she she's ready to always keep moving she gets turned on again when I say and I'm using these terms but it's like that's it's true like she gets excited when I put I said babe pull out the calendar what are we doing this week what's going on oh and then she gets into it we need the Holy Spirit yeah who who energizes us we get directions from heaven and then we turn that into Times of devotions where worship and singing planning and preparing and Are there specific ways that husbands and wives can quench the spirit in their relationship oh yeah oh yeah uh well I think bitterness is a big thing you have to keep short accounts in your marriage because if you start last month and a year ago and you're like building cases that oh my goodness like you have to keep short console we try to uh babe why are you saying it like right in the moment he'll be like I'm like what's that again can you say that again honey you know and he'll be like but we built to that place okay um I'll say something he's like I don't like that you're telling me what to do but he learned to say it with a very low tone because he's Haitian yeah and he said I don't like you talking like that you know and I'm like why are you yelling you know and now now we're arguing about that right and so I'm like can you say it a little lower please you know so he's like I I feel like you're telling me what to do and I'm like how can I say it in a way that you feel respected yeah and he will literally teach me what he wants yeah and I think that we we sometimes romanticize marriage so much that we think you're just supposed to know what to say you're supposed to know what I want you should know me by now and we have that's something you gotta eliminate from your marriage we should we shouldn't even be past it we should be past this by now we shouldn't be arguing about this anymore we shouldn't yeah conversations are gonna come back up again cause what I hear you guys saying is you know like you had to work but that work takes a lot of humility yeah because for me I mean I did not like the I didn't like the jacket you tried to correct me and I didn't like the way that she and I didn't like the way she did but then you know when she started to kind of fix her tone at times I still didn't like it I was like stop correcting me yeah you know that's a hard issue with that right it's a hard issue which is cool though because when I think when when one spouse kind of does a behavior but in the power of the spirit then it actually then reveals your own lack right so yeah with me approaching you about the correction in a tone that was still respectful then you were able to see that one of the bigger issues wasn't necessarily my tone but your own heart yeah absolutely yeah that's true because you're eliminated it eliminates excuses when you love women because she did it this morning I kind of responded to the kids in a way one of our children in a way that I probably I probably could have been a little softer and I came upstairs and she just said president you can't can't do it like that sweetie you got to do it like this and I said do it like what and I said what is that face I said no I said I said I looked at the sky she said what is that face and I said I'm trying to remember what I said [Laughter] but the way she came to me was so respectful it was so gentle and I had to re-examine myself and I said you know what you're right I'm gonna get better yeah and you know and that it took us a while to get to to that to that place yeah the year two year three and so like I like what you just said it you should never stop working like if our sanctification is a is a process so is our marriage yeah it's a continual process we're 14 years in and we're still having like hey hey hey you know we it's it's a a uh you can check me and I can check you and I love you yeah but we're gonna say it in a way that we can receive it yeah we want to say what we mean but don't say they mean what we say but not say it mean I like that that's a good team a rapper put that on put that on the coffee I would imagine though that because of the worldly influence that we've all kind of uh ingested it influences the way we even understand marriage and so I would imagine that to some degree when people feel like they're working too hard they think that that's evidence of divorce yes right yes like like it shouldn't be this difficult I don't feel in love with you like like sex shouldn't be this hard like how do you speak to people who feel like because it's not easy then that means that they're actually not compatible right well you have a saying babe that conflict brings intimacy yeah I say that uh conflict is an invitation and an opportunity for greater intimacy I also we also say that um having conflict in your marriage doesn't mean something's wrong it just means that you're married but you gotta think about that yeah say that again conflict in your marriage doesn't mean that anything is wrong it just means that you're married and you have to understand it in this way you're bringing two people two different people right from opposite Sexes from different backgrounds with different Traditions with different uh Love Languages and things that bother them in upbringings and styles and you're asking them to come and live under the same roof I mean and like do life together their views on parenting could be different their views with finances could be different their communication styles could be different and you got to learn all this so what is conflict and conflict is a point of Mis connection right and so because of the misconnection or the wrong connection we're we're frustrated we're angry you offended me or you didn't meet my expectation that's conflict if you view conflict from that Viewpoint ho this is an opportunity now for us to find the right way to connect and finding that convergence creates space for deeper connection right so now conflict is an invitation for greater intimacy the problem is we don't have the right communication skills for healthy confrontation if communication is the vehicle that God has given us for greater Oneness then we need to learn how to communicate well that's good and if we can learn to communicate well then we can have healthy confrontation and if we can have healthy confrontation then we can resolve conflict and walk away from that conflict with greater Oneness than ever before some of the most amazing marital stories I know are from people who have come from the worst seasons of their life right like even as bad as infidelity but because they did the work to learn how to communicate well yeah face that conflict and have healthy confrontation years later they literally say that they love each other more their sex life is increased their stability is high it has impacted their children in beautiful ways wow and on and on it goes because God is the god of restoration and Redemption make up sex on fleet amen hey they be teaching us stuff huh a particular couple that we know yeah so really yes yes some call me but it comes by way of that deeper restoration and work I mean come on it's real and you know like I like to be what does this look like on Monday right because these are lofty thoughts and it's like okay how does that look though yeah yeah yeah so like there was a this this season where we're in Florida he's in school it's hard like we're in a hard we're in the messy middle or our goals and he was being critical you know he was being very critical and and he didn't even realize how critical he had been and there's uh the things that kill marriage is uh being critical self-defense um contempt what's the last stone wall and stonewalling okay okay that's John gottman but he was being so critical and I was like I'm gonna be critical back you know that I was like but that's not golly right you know and so I had to go to God I need the right perspective and the Lord said call him up to who he is in me come on up to who he is in me and I'm like how do I do that Lord you know and it and then through and he kept saying can we talk can we talk because you want to fix it I know you've said what did I do what did I I was like I I'm not ready yet and that is even good for the spouse to give your spouse time because we know sponsors blocking doors no you're not leaving so we'll deal with this and it's like that is not the way to deal with him so he gave me space and I got into the work I had to get into the world bear with one another love one another and I said I'm not gonna get out of this passage till I feel it and it took a whole day because I was angry and I was like no no Holy Spirit you gotta do it in me Lord and so you know that's while I'm doing the dishes while I'm taking care of my toddler I got a toddler and a teenager right it's not like you're just away in two dollars in your room you know and then I said God create a a space where I could share this with my spouse and so one evening he took a shower I took a shower and bed I was like I'm ready to talk you know and he's and this is like two days later yeah okay had to wait two days yes and we recommend you you saw things within the week okay now I know months yeah within the week and you know the scripture just said to not go to bed angry right don't let the sun go down on your anger she she had stopped being angry but she wasn't yet ready to resolve yeah and I love what she said that she repeated right she meditated she chewed masticated on that word because sometimes you you you get your heart gets so hard yes you can't plant this you can't just put the seed on top of it right Jesus is Parable it alludes to this idea that the enemy can just come take it away or it's not gonna to grow good that's what you got to do you got to break up the ground yeah and that's what she was doing she was breaking up that ground putting that word putting that word into until he got to the place to where she saw that it was gonna because I think I think it's the difference between you you know going away and you're not allowing the Lord to to work on your heart and you're just sitting with your own thoughts it's a form of meditation still yeah because you're you're meditating on how you feel what they did and so it's actually solidifying the hardness versus if you're meditating on his law day and night then that kind of massages and I had to realize that you know um the Lord kind of revealed to me early on in my marriage that I had become more like a Pharisee to G to Jackie than Jesus and I remember you know calling out her stuff and wanting to talk immediately and the Lord had to show me was like even when you truly believe that your wife knows me that she's coming to me you still kind of feel like your words are sufficient that if she comes to you you can fix it but you're not her God yeah yeah right and so like I had to learn that I was like man even if like the the best thing for our marriage at times is for me to to let her go off with her King and then for us to come to come back or whatever and so uh yeah I just had to learn in my marriage healthy boundaries so we talked about I want you to finish the story but like we talk about communication skills we we mentioned communication Styles right I had already talked about communication levels right or stages like the depth the end of transparency but then there's also communication boundaries that there you need to create space for people to meet with the King to process rightly you know and um when we don't give people that space it can it can blow it up yeah it can cause that just to get things worse yeah and it's selfish when we don't want to give people space because what we really want is to feel better ourselves yeah we want to alleviate the pressure what my wife mentioned earlier um that I said that like I've had to learn stand up to stand up under the weight right because in First Peter chapter 3 verse 7 it talks about husbands live with your wives and an understanding manner it's like oh Steph we can understand women yes we can but it's a process yeah and the Lord showed me to flip over that word understand and learn how to stand up under the weight of the convictions or the needs or the space and what emotions that does to me or that patience I have to exercise them and you too and listen to the Holy Spirit to during her time of space and then finally we got a chance to talk real quick before you finish your story I heard you say something about a week look what is the what is the the boundary like what is the the limit should there be a limit yeah like because because we possibly give somebody too much space yeah you know and like that's possible too yeah we we get we for us we don't go past a week yeah but it depends on what the issue is yeah I had deeply I remember what happened and I had I had offended her I said something pretty there was a barrage of things that I had said in the car and it it struck her bad and I knew it and I wanted to quickly resolve it but I was like I need to give her this space that's that particular issue we usually would just fix something within the day within the day yeah we try within the day boy it's a heavy thing you may need a couple days yeah but you got to let them know hey I need to talk to you about something it's about communicating it's communicating yeah yeah and she communicated I need some time right and the next station I need some more time but she communicated yeah there's been times where I've been upset and I said to her I love you but I need some space I'm gonna go for a walk I'll be back in a couple of hours or 20 minutes or whatever it might be now let's say it's a harder offense like infidelity that could take years to overcome yeah so as you're dealing with other issues you you know you're still kind of working on that main issue and the boundary needs to be extended that's good that's good so Melody how did you call them up so that evening I said and actually I texted you that week and you had given me kind of a prophetic word like I feel like you guys need to discover each other again so I held on to that and then I said listen I don't think you've realized this but you've been very critical with me and what you said in the car we said we would never do that right and you are a kind man and you are usually kind with me but you have been harsh with me lately and he was like I saw you know like because that's who he is right in Christ yeah that's who he is yeah and so he was like I'm sorry baby I'm sorry honey and my apology language because that's another thing is a plan of action I don't want to just hear you're sorry I need to know what you're going to work on yeah I get it my sorry I appreciate it sorry is often good enough for me yes sincere sincere apology you know so he's taking responses said sorry he took it in and then he was like I will not do this I will not do that and when I find myself being critical imma pause I'm gonna you know like his plan of action and then um I said you know I was talking to Jackie and she said that we probably need to discover each other more and it was cool because it unlocked something and he was like I think I'm angry and I'm like about what right so criticism is up here but there's an underlying anger in his belly right and I said about what and he's like I just feel like what you want is this and and if I'm gonna do ministry we can't do this and it was all these assumptions and thoughts and I'm like I don't even feel that way and he was like you don't you know so it was like a discovery again of what I think you're thinking what I think you're doing I'm assuming what you really feel you know all these things that has to communication communication even simple things like we had an anniversary and again my love language is gives and there was a series of like I felt like he was missing it and I'm like just call my best friends they know what I like and he's like no I'm gonna get it I'm gonna get it right one year you know so this was that year he's gonna do it and he booked us a place for anniversary okay that'd be great yeah back in Chicago and he didn't reveal he didn't read the reviews okay he didn't go to yo he didn't go to Yellow I didn't know nothing about that back then so we get there and it was like a place you take your kids like a little vacation Old Country Buffet you know that field you know and I was like oh Lord and you know they had crackers and cheese on the thing and I was like you got no strawberries here you know and immediately now uh-huh enemy comes you see he don't plan for you he didn't even read the reviews for you the enemy knows how to attack you directly in the areas that mean because the thing yes he probably put his heart really hard watch what happened she she's getting attacked with the Enemy with these as soon as I walk in through the door right he don't plan for you I feel I'm sinking my heart is hurting you should see her face from the outside he's like oh you sorry oh I saw it she goes so far as to remove herself and excuse herself to the bathroom it was almost as if the enemy was like right on her shoulder she went to the bathroom and he kind of just slitted his way over to me and immediately I just heard look she don't appreciate nothing you do wow nothing you do is ever good enough you will never get it right she is so demanding and high class and high maintenance and like for real I heard this going hard and then I text one of my friend my besties pray for us we just got here and I feel already defeated we just got here she's like that's the devil I'm gonna pray right now be gracious be you know he's learning okay I don't know what I mean it's Kitty pool so he so I come out and I see him sinking and I'm like oh this is both of us now and I sat next to him he's kind of quiet and I said the enemies at work right now like we're right away I said it he's like yeah I feel that and I said I want to expose a lie I know it's not true but I want to expose a lie yeah he's like okay I feel like you don't plan for me he's like but I did I said I know she didn't read the reviews and that's just a Learning lesson but it doesn't mean you don't love me and I feel like the enemy says he doesn't love you that's good because you're not worth it yeah right he's like I want to expose a lie too I feel like nothing I do is good enough for you and I'm like that's a lie too you know and so we he said let's pray and so we prayed like God we expose these lies we will have a good anniversary in these Kitty pools like we will make the best of this and we you know the enemy won't come against us we will you know we will get better we will love each other he's like I will listen to your best friends you know it's just like and then I will say seventh year it was so beautiful he had a beautiful also let me say that right so what happened is I I'm learning Melodies Love Languages and a poly apology languages as well so we and the the scheme of the enemy was to not get us to confess those lies yeah the intention of the enemy was to get us in our minds and in our heads filled with his lying words and not the words of truth that's good the words of truth either from God or one another both set you free yes right because God is all about the truth so the truth originates in him the principle of talking to one another is Oneness the principle of confessing to one another is one is that's God's principle enemy didn't want that we faced spiritual warfare by confessing the truth even though it may have heard or we missed each other's expectations and then we prayed because prayer then invites Christ back into the center and we had his power and his strength and his Spirit to lead us to go and have a good time but now I have to learn the funny thing is later on I went to open up the shades and stuff and we found someone's underwear under it was it was crazy and then I started it was that place that place that we were at like they didn't clean it up properly so I really should have listened to the reviews because it would have shown me that it was not that very well maintained and taken care of but it was like a little something for me to laugh at but also to see the magnitude of my lack of you know review and stuff it was like God was saying look see that she right you see exactly look at these straws so the following year I was like you know what I ain't gonna try to save a book I'm gonna make sure I do the reviews I'm gonna talk to her friends I'm gonna go all out so I went and found this nice spot I went in advance I checked it out I looked behind the blinds someone's sock was there I was like oh I was about to say something but I had already decorated the bed with flowers and everything I just took got took care of it it was a very nice place still and then when I brought her in she cried and I was like this is the next year that's the following year oh that's good that's been the following well yeah that's good that's that's so encouraging because I I think it just shows you the beauty of what a marriage can be when there's two spiritually mature people who are willing to do the work yes right because because what that is because you know like I would say spiritually mature ring yeah maturity you don't have to be mature just have to listen to where God has you that's good that's good yeah because I think it's so encouraging that you guys dealt with it immediately you know that that you took it to the Lord immediately you know because you know when you're new in Christ or even when you're you know you're not working it's like you can go to your your emotions and just sit with that for so long but you took it to Jesus and me and that's why the Lord was able to deal with it because you bought it really yeah and so that's good that's really good I'm wondering what y'all would think about the statement this statement does the devil love marriage he hates marriage explain because it comes against the image of God the bride and his church it's it's his image it's it's who it's his relationship and so he hates it he hates what it represents and he hates what what it looks like to others it's a witness to others even unbelievers love love why are love stories still so like right why Hallmark is so famous you know what I'm saying because he created that it's an image of his love and you have a great example of like why the enemy comes so hard against marriage yeah I was pondering the idea of sex and marriage and why it gets attacked so much check this out God the enemy hates God we are the images of God on the earth the idea of Imaging is that not only do we represent him in form but we also represent him in Authority uh our mandate in Genesis is to spread the glory of God through reproduction across the face of the Earth the enemy does not want to see his enemy represented in authority over the face of the Earth what's the Avenue for that sex what protects that marriage marriage is the institution that God created for man and woman to find companionship and love and intimacy and connection with him with with one another which Reveals His love for us God calls Israel his bride he kept referring to Jerusalem as his wife his people his body the church is also represented as the bride of Christ he's coming back for his bride Adam you know when he saw Eve this is bone of my bone and Flesh of My Flesh right she shall be called woman because she's came forth from the man when Jesus the bridegroom hung on the cross he was stabbed on the right side and the blood and the water flow what does John say this is the witness the spirit the blood and the water the witness of who the Christ by whom the church his bride when Eve came forth from Adam it was a prophecy that the church was going to come forth from Christ we literally represent the most precious thing to God so he hates the image of God God he hates the reproduction of the image of God he takes the institution that comes from that and so that's what he wants to pervert he wants to pervert and Destroy be your own person out there in the world sleeping around and everything it's all good it's all good get married now it's a ball and chain what's represented in TV they don't have no sex no more they're broken they make fun of the men the woman is always upset and frustrated it all these images he the enemy hates marriage and he hates marriage for all those reasons and that's why it's worth protecting right I accept because I think we we have a conception of just spiritual warfare as it relates to ministry as it relates to our mind as it relates to our heart but a lot of times we don't see that some of the tension in the marriage is actually some kind of spiritual opposition right and so just not being like because I remember when we came to that conclusion probably recently yeah it was like throwing a lot of arrows at us you know so I I'm over here thinking I'm fighting you when I'm actually not fighting against flesh and blood no you don't understand like this you ain't actually my wrestle yeah my wrestle with some somebody else I had to I had to I had a series of Dreams A couple of years ago that just started like like coming out of nowhere of of Jackie cheating on me oh that was for a year it was yeah yeah it was like that was a nightmare pun intended oh my goodness and I'm like this is crazy and I and I remember waking up feeling angry at her and like I will I literally feel angry at her throughout the day no you you had you had because it was it was a really long it was a long season of him planting these seeds in your mind through dreams through dreams that I would step step out on you and I remember I think it it got on my nerves in general but it really got on my nerves because when I had Sage I was in the room with sage and I had just delivered her you went to sleep because I've been in labor all day and he gave you one of those dreams and you woke up questioning me about if I while I have a brand new baby in my arms right and I'm like Preston like I guess their mom I was getting frustrated because it's like you should know me enough now to know that I love Jesus I love you I love our family and I want to be faithful like and it wasn't until yeah yeah it was my whole vagina that been ripped into because I got a baby and and I just remember feeling when she told when she when I saw the frustration on her face I just remember feeling so convicted and I remember feeling so just like oh man like like God like how did I get here yeah I'm not even like an insecure dude and when Jackie don't even like people like that so it's like for her to even cheat on me it's just so out like it's just and it wasn't until I had an event in Chicago I was like Lord help me and it was until I had an advantage car I'm pretty sure he don't he won't mind me talking about this and have been in Chicago and uh the rapper KB was the Christian rapper KB was saying I opened up to him and I was like bro I'm going through a lot and he said I had I had an attack like that for two years wow and I was like really and he like walked me through it and we just talked in the car just driving with me and KB and he just pray pray with me and I remember like feeling like something kind of broke there but it didn't go away it didn't go away completely away but it was just like the Lord it had to really help me out of that season and that's when I came I walked away like feeling like wow the devil hates my marriage yes like we because we have been working at that point and it was like you know I'm not struggling with this no more you're not doing you know you you're respecting me more yada yada so now I gotta plant dreams right so to affect how you how you think yeah it's just like wow like you didn't do none of this with my girlfriends that's good so I hear you talking about how you overcame that by sharing it with the brother getting prayer yeah but we know that it's spiritual warfare see earlier we were talking about like you know Jerome the phone and things like that we're talking about the distraction see Satan has strategies to divide marriages to divide people yeah because you know A House Divided cannot stand a kingdom divided cannot stand right so the enemy attacks the very thing he hates by implanting Concepts and ideas in our minds to draw division that's another strategy one is distraction another is division yeah the same way that we face it is fighting for the Oneness with the distractions you got to put the phone away with the divisions and then when you put the phone away and you look at one another you speak to one another you go into those deeper levels of Oneness the same thing with divisions we have to call out those divisions so Melody and I we had something similar happen for season of time I was having dreams where someone was trying to seduce me one of the times melody was with you Jackie at one of the glory events that same night that you guys were out there serving and working I woke up in the middle of the night from an enticing dream and could feel the spirit herself standing over me in the bed or by my bed and I had to get up and rebuke it in the name of Jesus and then begin to pray and then I told Melody right away that next uh day or whatever and these These are happening because you guys our power couple doing Ministry together let me tell you something I believe in this generation I'm going to submit this as a prophetic Insight I believe in this generation and that to come God is raising up prophetic Ministry couples because it reveals the heart of God the bride and the bridegroom by his Spirit working together what does it say in Revelation the spirit and the bride say come come on somebody it says the spirit of who Jesus Christ the spirit of our father the spirit of our husband yeah and the bride say come come into the body of Christ come and avoid the Judgment that Jesus Christ is coming to set everything straight and in that same way the two of you are saying come Melody and I are saying come and when we choose to operate together what did Jesus say the the he will build his church and the gates of Hell will not resist it gates are stationary the church is going out against when you go and you visit these different cities and when she's gone and you're covering her when you're gone you're covering him and we'd go through the same thing he's like oh where's all this coming from let's get to the source let's attack their marriage and there's things that you can do to strengthen that expose it confess it and pray but also look for any open doors that that might be lingering but that's good I'll just pause for now that's good yeah I'm wondering my question went away but I am wondering how do couples who have dealt with infidelity work through that we have uh we have a very close my one of my best friends worked through infidelity and um it's it's first it was do you forgive that's the first one do forgive and she said I do forgive second question is do you want to work it out because you can forgive and be like peace I can't live with you anymore yeah and she was like I don't know I want to but he was sort of in a like I don't know sense and God had to get him and it's a cool beautiful story they're writing a book but he basically was playing softball at a game and God broke his leg like his leg got broken he's in the hospital and he knew God broke his leg he fumbled over a kid yeah and the doctor's like it looked like somebody hit you with a bat like that and he's in the doctor's you know uh hospital he's just hearing beep beep and the Lord said stop running for me wow stop running for me and he knew he was in sin and he said I Repent you know and he repented and so he said I want to work this off forgive me but now she had to take care of him oh wait you gotta take care of the Negro unless he's not a ninja no he's not but you know you know yeah just cheated on you but here's the funny thing she said Lord in prayer God break his leg like a lamb and put him over your shoulders oh she said that she had prayed that prayer she didn't know the Lord was going to answer specifically specifically so now he's like which one daughter okay left or the right so now she calls me I gotta take care of him when I want leg I want to kick him in the bad leg Melanie and I don't kick him let's pray you know like we were literally literally like that you know she'd be in the car with him she'd be fine and all of a sudden she's like no she was driving she like get out the car get out of the car and he's like what and he's like limping with the crutches wow he's like babe what is going on she's like this is making me crazy now I want to pause there adult she does make you crazy um it was we were never meant to to break Covenant God says he's a jealous God it makes you irrational it will make you want to kill somebody it will you like I can't think right so it was constant Warfare that they had to keep praying keep pressing have accountability [Music] and keep forgiving because forgiveness comes in waves and it's a process and so when it would come again she'd be like well why did you you know and he'd be like babe I'm so he didn't go I already said I'm sorry five times right I say it as long as much as you need me to say yeah see Melody earlier said that for you know the first question was will you be willing to forgive and then she's describing the process of restoration or do you want to be restored from the offending spouse I think the first question is will you repent will you repent so will you forgive will you repent then the question together is are you working to restore both have to walk in humility the entire time our friend walked in humility ready to serve her in the capacity that he could because he's physically needing her service which further humbled him yes it did it humped God is so amazing in how he does things she is being broken by having to serve the one who deeply offended her which worked her forgiveness deep wat see why would God do that God did that so that he could work the forgiveness in her heart Deep by expressing it in work then for him it made him realize the beauty he has in this woman the love she has for god wow that she's willing to work out her forgiveness by serving him what did I step out what did I do that helped him stay humble it kept him low these were God principles he resists the proud but he lifts up the humble he's like I got to teach you both humility that's good and I know how to do it in the way that will affect you the most he's someone who had prided himself in being able to do things for himself and take care of himself and I'ma go out there and imma do it she had prided herself as someone who can be taken care of and I'm a prince I'm not saying that necessarily was always going through their mind but I can imagine as conversation I've had with them these are dispositions so now he's being humbled by having to be taken care of and she's being humbled by having to take care of and this is what I meant by boundaries before these were conversations that they had to endure for years yeah this was not going to just get fixed yeah it would take time that's coming to my heart to share is they have kids who are married now and they have such a beautiful Legacy and she took a picture recently and sent it to me and I just see all her kids Behind there's a only one that's uh two that are not married yet but they love the Lord in their singleness and I want to say that too like I know they're singles watching like so am I nothing without marriage no God has a plan and a purpose for you and like I said you may not be marriage and it may not be like he's got the the singles the married and the grandkids and I see this picture and I I said limari like look at your legacy if you and Tony said no in that moment wow where would your kids be right now wow would they even be serving the lord right now yeah and they're all serving the lord right now and they're all building their family and they all know what happened and that's what the enemy was after Legacy that's what the enemies we cannot see what we will leave behind do you know most people don't ever get to see the wealth of impact until they die maybe in glory but but they don't get to see it most of the people who have had the most profound impact in this world will never see that they have to do it by faith is by faith that's so good I think sometimes when we're thinking of our Warfare I have to think of my legacy I have to know there's an enemy it's not my spouse he hates my marriage we gotta fight and this is for my kids you know like you have to n is for the world yeah right so this year or this season we were in Florida I had got we got hit crazy with new attacks that we ain't never had before yeah in one moment I remember feeling the enemy literally say you should leave leave CD yeah I've never had that thought and what I was upset about wasn't even that big yeah I was like double stop you know like I reject that thought right hold every thought Captain yeah yeah but it was like but like don't you wish you could just do you and it was like but it was like strong and it was like I feel like there's a demonic presence in my room right now while I'm praying it was it was leave not just me but and the kids it was like which is the name of your character no no but but I felt it yeah like I was like oh get in the car I've had those moments yeah well not that is I'm I'm exposing the LIE that you're not coming for me by saying that you had those moments thank you irrational like thoughts yes yes but uh intruding irrational thoughts but he was like but just imagine it just like just imagine what it would be like like you could just do you you ain't got to cook you gotta clean you got to take care of nobody it's just all about you you travel and I'm like what is this but that's the Trap right there just imagine yeah yeah if you allow that door to the devil and now you're like man I'll go to I'll go on vacation I'll do this and I think yes we'd probably be miserable yes and who knows the Trap was to get her to imagine yeah because then it's a seed yeah but you don't got the fine print what the devil has for you and what STD you gonna get if you sleep around and what what disease you're gonna get and what what that was gonna do to your kids because you just open a door to your house right and so I was like what is this and I felt the Lord say you need to resist this evil spirit and I said I resist these thoughts right now and I resist the devil right now you will not have my house and you will not take me out of my post come on because that's what it is leave your position why why because once I leave and I'm in sin and doing my thing I lose a wonderful husband my kids don't want to be around me and now I feel so far from God you should leave God too see do you see how that goes yeah yeah and now I'll expose some lies too I've had similar thoughts not so much just to up and go but wishing not wishing wondering if life looked different and having to resist imagine going down that lane as well because there is something about daydreaming away from what God has given the reality the reality of things that can ensnare us yeah because what happens is and I think this is what happens with a lot of marriages too yep but it gets fleshed out by imagining what could have been what would have been with the old Facebook boyfriend or girlfriend and then what happens is that little Open Door gets swung wide open over periods of time until we actually go and I've seen this happen in marriages where they have left and then the next step is walk away from your spouse walk away from your heavenly spouse an apostasy is interestingly linked to adultery because idolatry is spiritual adultery if you want to remain happy in adultery or walking away from your spouse you have to let go of God yes good wow you cannot live in peace yeah if you walk away from your spouse so all of the marriages that I've seen fall apart and then sometime later I get this Facebook feed or this Instagram post I ain't following Jesus no more well you have to walk away from God or you have to hold on to a false a off yeah you cannot worship Him in spirit and in truth that's right you have to worship you have the word you have to worship this idea that you made up about God to to live comfortable and you're not really comfortable you just go you know you're lying to you you know you're lying to yourself you're lying to the people around you and uh that's deep I I think what I I'm enjoying about this conversation is that even a couple minutes ago I was thinking about the imagination and how we can sometimes uh ruin it but practically so you have me men who use their imagination while watching pornography as an await Escape you have people uh who are addicted to video games as in a way to escape but then you also have women who read erotic books as a way to escape and so like we have these these devices or this literature or these means by which we can like we can put ourselves in another world which actually makes us discontent in the position that God is actually placed Us in that's good you know sure another interesting thing about those that they are sometimes coping mechanisms so the way that we sometimes view pornography or uh drug addiction or alcoholism notice I package those things together because for some people there are wounds they've never tendon tended to yeah those wounds creep up at their present the marriages hits a hard place it's hard for them to process or to alleviate the pain of the memory the wound the present circumstances and they go to their coping mechanism so they go to smoke a blunt or they drink some alcohol or they get high or they play the video game or they watch a bunch of pornography yeah or they eat a bunch of food they go shopping all of these things are coping mechanisms so it's interesting because I'm now just thinking about how you brought that up in the context of imaginations and the enemy trying to like get a foothold into yeah through spiritual warfare but sometimes it could be remnants of old spiritual warfare that just never got dealt with yeah because I because I said it in one of the podcasts the difference between your wife or your spouse wounding you and you your or your spouse triggering Old Wounds in you that you've never done yes yes and so I think it's a difference but also too for me I just have to be completely honest when I fell into uh my pornography addiction in my marriage it was it was it was all of those things it was it was me not not coping with a lot not dealing with a lot of past trauma but also I like God had to tear down um a lot of what I thought about what I what I thought marriage should be and he had to address my pride because I think what one thing that led me to to to pornography was when my wife rejected me and I vicariously lived through me not getting rejected to porn like I I can watch a man not being rejected right and I've vicariously lived through that you know but it was it was it was it was it was perversion at its finest right it it was not true intimacy it was not true Oneness right but it appealed to my pride my ego and God was like this is not just just merely a lust thing this is a deep Pride issue yeah right you are with the with the with the image Bearer that happens to be my daughter and you can't deal with her saying no to you yeah and low-key the the kindness of God in all of this is that he he creates these scenarios where there's some level of tension or conflict as a way to expose what we need to deal with yeah and so I I started to see that triggers are actually opportunities like I need you to see that you're still hurt I need you to see that you're still bitter I need you to see that what happened to you when you was nine and they talked about you is showing up and how you deal with your spouse right and so it's like sometimes instead of ignoring the trigger pay attention yeah to the trigger and bring them to the Lord and say you know what I didn't know this was still here so heal me right like there's opportunities yeah what you're bringing out is those coping mechanisms are getting in the way with how God wants to really heal you and Matthew 11 28 says come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened right take my yoke upon you and I will give you rest for my yoke is easy and my burden is like yeah and it's interesting he's just asking for an exchange of Yoke the burden you're carrying the way that you're living your life trudging the ground through this yoke it's bearing you down yeah this coping mechanism is actually destroying you right and I can confess as well I've talked to my wife about this because I have a certain level of like angst with pornography because I used to wrestle with pornography as well I could feel the enemy trying to lure me back into pornography it's funny you said you had these dreams coming out of nowhere and I saw that I felt like the Lord was showing me the enemy looked like create new ways to see even get you to stumble so it seems like I've never struggled with this before and it was like here's a thought leave your family like what but why because it's just these random yeah I gotta try something new but he'll also go back to Old tactics yeah and this is our ministry when we talked about purity and walking in Holiness for the love of God and all these kind of things I've put that away from me for years for years and years and years and years and we've talked a lot about it and all of a sudden it was like lure me back in but he knows he wasn't gonna just jump me back in so it was like through social media and thirst traps and then I couldn't do this and so then it was like you mentioned how girls read the erotica right well I I started reading please your spouse better right now you're like going into artists it went into articles to like stories to erotica and then the Holy Spirit whispered to me one day and he's like bro this is still pornography it's literary this is literature this is poor not like written porn like that's what pornography actually means we can see things on video too and so I had to confess it and she's the one who said stayed up straight straight up said this is pornography the Lord whispering to convicted me about it I told her uh and she said babe that's pornography wow and it is like I was about to argue no I'm reading an article right about us and I said but it went from there to actually erotica and she was like that's pornography you know Melody can you speak to that um when it comes to women just the things that they read or watch that entertain this kind of marital ideal that they would prefer I literally won't watch shows about adultery where they're like liking it getting away with it like I'll read what is this show about right I will not watch uh it feels like an old Stella Got Her Groove Back and she's like messing with a little young man you know because adultery runs in my family and I'm breaking it in my bloodline right I'm not even gonna watch that kind of stuff but there's an appeal there yeah it's like a little tickle like don't you want to watch this right so we have to be aware like I'm not watching this doesn't go doesn't glorify the Lord and it may appeal to a struggle in your family in your bloodline um you have to guard what you're reading what you're watching uh little things like we we have vid Angel where you literally could delete all the swear words and parts in a movie you know like you gotta do what you gotta do yeah because this culture is getting darker and darker yeah um because it's appealing to your flesh you know and so if you feed that it will grow it will grow and the enemy has plans to fulfill it I remember one year there was a I don't remember what year it was but I was like hey babe my husband texted me the internet guys coming to fix the internet I'm like oh okay cool I'm praying I'm getting with the Lord I'm by myself at the house I open the he comes I open the door I'm like man I know this guy like I'm like where do I know this guy you know and he's like hey I'm here to fix your Internet I'm like okay cool and he's like Melody and I'm like what's your name again he's like oh he says his name and I'm like Oh my like I used to like him when I was 16 and he tried to come for me when I was 20 something but I was like No And I'm like he's my internet guy like what the devil I'm not like that's so Random there ain't nothing random about this at all but that's because you got to have a battlefield mindset that's good but you're like this is so or you've been fantasizing on cheating your man on your man and now you're like oh um wouldn't this be spicy this is how the enemy works I'm already like this is a trap from the gym like I already big trap bro he walking up the stairs and I'm already like I gotta text my husband I gotta check my accountability like I'm already strategizing okay but even the way he walked in had a little swag to it he like closed the door real soft he's like looking to see who's in the house and I was like what me and I was like there's the internet box like I'm trying to be real you know he says how you been I like I'm great I'm married right right away you know I'm like yeah we made the news you know we didn't kiss to our wedding day I'm trying to like just talk about our story he's like oh wow yeah I'm married too I like oh that's great that is great right so he's doing his thing I go to the kitchen I'm texting my two accountability because I've shared this story about this guy to singles and we call him the lust of the eyes you know they're like we prayed you know and then I go to Tech CD but I know he was teaching and I don't want to do this with him right now he's teaching and I felt the enemy go tell them later um and I was like nah because there's room to change your mind I was like hey babe you know that story lost to the eyes he's our ATT guy that's crazy uh I'm just letting you know I'm good I'm just putting it out there that's good that's how you fight the enemies yes put it out there yeah nothing nothing to grow and then I opened the back door because I said this mug trying something I'm running out the house I'm gonna run quick confession though because this is okay it's giving Joseph yeah Joseph run that okay that's all I got the door he will always provide a way out yeah it is and so people will go it'll take all that yes it does yes it does Howdy's big men of God falling how are these women you're like how did like this this little moment and so he's taking care of everything he's about to go I'm like okay he's like so uh are you happy no yeah like I heard the story but I come on are you happy you need somebody to put pause on him and right there is where people get trapped yes why are you having a conversation you've had a conversation yeah and so I was like I'm very happy and I open the door I was not about to go are you happy yeah I'm not I'm not having a conversation with you open the door he always even when I was 16 and 20 he always say can I get a hug you know he goes can I get a hug I said no and I wouldn't like tap the shoulder like get out the house get out the house tell your family I said hi say okay bye you know because he knows my family devil was at my door wow I locked the door I called my besties they're like that's crazy CD gets home he's like wait what happened well I called yeah after I saw the message after I finished my class and then I came home and that was interesting because she told me the the situation and it had stemmed from so this is what's in this strategy right it had stemmed from Melody wrestling with happiness in that season so the question came are you happy and I wanted to ask the question are you happy uh you know let's let's talk about this because there's a seed uh in of lie in the question uh yep and we we and she affirmed no I'm happy I'm this and then the other she affirmed it and the funny thing is we were having trouble with at T that's the a t like internet that I had so I went ahead and I canceled ATT and then which I got Xfinity now we got Xfinity that's hilarious yeah he never comes change jobs to come back yeah he's like I'm working in Florida now you don't know if you come back get a fire stick but I love Melody's story because she she used discernment and she faced it she didn't listen to it there were multiple demonic prompts throughout there should I text him or not yeah you know and then she reached out to her accountability partners and all this and then the other that look at the the past this has been a person of Temptation multiple times in the past we have talked about this in our talks with young people and singles before the enemy would love to cause her to stumble and fall and she said that this was an issue in her own bloodline yeah there's so many different aspects to that story there that we can highlight but she discerned that's good this is spiritual warfare that's real good man thank you guys man this has been such a fruitful conversation it's always good to catch up with you guys I'm looking forward to our time later on uh over dinner man but thank you guys man let the people know how they can find y'all how they can all the platforms y'all got yeah YouTube yeah so we are starting a podcast called hanging with the fabians so look for us on YouTube and then just go to cdmelody.com CD and melody.com I am the melody to his CD that's right and CD like like like cassette disk because some of y'all don't know what that is yeah that's actually the way I got my name what's your name so my name is Claude Daniel CD but it's spelled in one word and I was beatboxing in junior high and they thought that it sounded real fresh so they were like hey yo this sounds like a radio he's like a cassette and they're like no no what's that new thing because I'm old that's that new thing it's a CD he sounds like a CD a CD and it was like a week and a half later or so they were like hey CD so I actually got it from being I never heard that CD so yes cdmelody.com yeah and whether you want coaching with us or you want us to speak at an event yeah we provide pre and post marital coaching yeah um or speaking we can we can do that all right let's go well thank you peace [Music]