hey how's it going I did something nobody asked for again as we know in July of last year Warner Brothers released a liveaction Barbie movie there was a huge amount of actors attached to it such as Margo Robbie playing Barbie and America sweetheart Michael Sarah and I was really excited for this movie Mostly because it was rated PG-13 which meant that Barbie could swear once of course the writer strike happened last year and I put this video on the sidelines until I could finish it without crossing a picket line so I'll just let me from last year take over from here the release of this movie really lit a fire under my ass because it made me realize that if I go into that movie theater without a complete and full understanding of Barbie lore I'm going to look like an idiot I'd be laughed out of the theater and honestly I'm not looking for trauma in order to prepare I am going to watch every Barbie movie ever made that way I will walk out of the theater in July being the greatest expert on Barbie movies that has ever walked the plains of Earth it's been a while since I've seen Barbie and the Nutcracker but surely they haven't made too many cell holy crap there's 42 of them here's the plan I'm going to be watching every Barbie movie ever made and I'm going to be taking detailed notes on every single one my main purpose here is to develop a concrete and air type theory on what the true lore of the Barbie Cinematic Universe also known as the BCU is it can reasonably be said that there are three eras of Barbie movies over the last 22 years that they've been releasing them you've got 2001 through 2009 the classic era 2010 through 2015 the fashion era and 2016 to present day the modern era I'm going to choose the worst Barbie movie from each of these these Arrow to talk about at length for the other 39 Barbie movies I'm going to be ranking them based on four criteria one Barbie's character what did I think of Barbie in this film was she making reasonable choices or was she being an absolute fool the entire time two story did it make sense was it interesting did I feel the characters had meaningful growth three moral often in these movies they try to teach some sort of valuable lesson at the end and I'm going to be ranking each of these movies based on the quality of its moral and for the fourth criteria animal Sidekicks Barbie and her antagonists often have a little sidekick with them a little creature and I will be ranking these based on my own personal perception of them because I can each of these categories are worth Five Points which means that a perfect Barbie movie could get a maximum of 20 points I don't think it's going to happen but it's possible these rankings are so I can talk about each Barbie movie without having to spend an inordinate amount of time doing so because there's 42 of them and as we progress with these films I will be taking note of what we considered to be canon Barbie lore there are many seasoned Barbie Scholars out there that will argue that the Barbie cinematic universe is splintered into multiple different continuities with all due respect I think that's a pile of horsecraft I will be the first to develop a theory to connect every single Barbie movie together based on one simple Foundation anything that Barbie does as herself in these films will be considered to be Canon as in an exists in the true Universe of Barbie so with all that being said let's dive in to discover the true story of Barbie here we go I can't believe that I'm doing this right now this is the stupidest thing that I've ever decided to do this is going to be my base of operations for the next like four or 5 days and other than sleeping and taking notes on my laptop I'm going to be watching every single Barbie movie so to start off the first Barbie movie that was ever released was actually the only one that I ever really remember watching Barbie and the Nutcracker released in 2001 this was the first 3D animated Barbie movie that was ever released and surprisingly for this time they were using Cutting Edge 3D technology to make this Barbie movie one of the studios that was leading the charge in making 3D animated movies was the people making the Barbie movies that's a little ridiculous the first of 42 movies starting with 2001's Barbie and the Nutcracker oh God this movie is a story Barbie tells her sister Kelly about a girl Clara who basically gets shrunk down by an evil Mouse King and has to help this Nutcracker who's actually a prince free this Kingdom from tyranny it's based after The Nutcracker story and it's honestly as good as I remember as a kid there's a giant Stone Golem that chases after him people are petrified into stone the rat is evil and bad it's even got a Twist scene that blew my mind as a kid where they thought they reached a castle and it turned out it was a cardboard cutout and it ends with some Banger danc I mean look at them go five out of five Barbie's choices are dubious at some points but ultimately pretty solid so four out of five and Barbie doesn't have her own animal sidekick but the Rat King as a British bat who's pathetic and slightly annoying so three out of five the moral is pretty good when you're kind Brave and clever anything is possible so I think I'll give that a five out of five Barbie nice job so Barbie and the Nutcracker gets a pretty solid score of 17 out of 20 honestly so much more of a banger than I thought it was I realized why we watch that movie so much as a kid I mean that's a great kids movie it had Stakes it had fear some of the stuff going on in this movie was it was intense next up on the list this time is Barbie as Rapunzel here we go if you know the story of Rapunzel you know how this movie generally goes princess she's locked in a tower she's got her adoptive mother witch lady that's manipulating her to stay locked away you've got a prince who's got the hots for punie and you've got two feuding kingdoms who are mad at each other because one king is the dad of Rapunzel thought she was kidnapped by the other king but actually it was the witch lady she's evil also Rapunzel likes to paint and sometimes makes magic portals and that's how the witch lady got in prison forever pretty straightforward retelling four out of five Barbie's pretty much a stereotypical princess that can do no wrong pretty middle of the road so I'll give her a three out of five but the sidekicks in this movie are insane Rapunzel has a purple dragon and a rabbit both can speak English and then the witch lady has a weird ferret thing that I think is horny oh allow me mistress m incredible Sidekicks five out of five finally the moral at the end is love and Imagination can change the world which feels a little contrived because in this case it only affects Rapunzel's life so three out of five so overall this movie gets a 15 out of 20 up next we got Barbie of swan L here we go Barbie of Swan Lake is the first movie where I was like what's going on here it's a story of a girl who's really good at dancing and after she randomly follows a rogue unicorn into an enchanted forest and finds a crystal she's told that she's the chosen one to beat this evil wizard rothbart who's turned everyone in that Forest into animals but only during the day and The Wizard shows up with his huge nose by the way and turns her into a swan that sucks and then she falls in love with the prince who thought her Swan form was kind of cool but then the wizard tries to make the prince marry her daughter with some trickery but then they beat the wizard in the end and the lovers get married at the end this one was kind of all over the place so three out of five Barbie sort of a fool in this one she's wandering into Forest grabbing random crystals letting herself get turned into a swan she's basically struggling the whole time so three out of five the psychics are a bunch of elves that are definitely just human children and they're fools because they got turned into animals too so three out of five for that mistake and then the moral is you're braver than you think which is like I mean yeah I'm sure most people are three out of five total score for this one 12 out of 20 Princess and the popper princess in the popper princess in the popper princess doing popper this is another retelling of the classic fairy tale The Prince and the popper basically you got two girls one a princess who's rich one a seamstress living in poverty and debt and they meet one day and realize they look identical to each other also there's this evil royal advisor premer surprisingly played by Martin Short who is secretly stealing all the gold from the kingdom and wants to take over the throne by marrying the queen he's also got an evil demon Boy song by marrying the princess I get all that I desire like a moat an coat and Palace fuse actually a banger Su premer kidnaps the princess to remove the Kingdom's air and the popper pretends to be the princess while they try to find her and they eventually do and premer gets arrested for being a bad boy in the end honestly there's some pretty good voice acting and songs in this movie and while there was some for sure goofy Parts I'd give it a five out of five Barbie is technically both of these characters but it's a little naive when the princess is telling the other woman in poverty that she's just like her in song I'm just like you I think that's true you're just like so probably a four out of five the sidekicks in this movie are just two cats that each of the girls own they can speak to each other but not the humans I'm just going to give them a four out of five and the moral is just Live Your Dream which is so basic so I'm going to give that a three out of five overall princess the popper gets a 16 out of 20 so I've seen four Barbie movies thus far which means that I have done an 11th of the total amount of Barbie movies I've had my laptop here this whole time and I've been gathering information I have no idea if it means anything yet but I've got my suspicions so let's go over what we've learned in terms of lore the main situations we see Barbie playing herself are at the beginning of the first three films in Nutcracker Rapunzel and Swan Lake we see Barbie teaching some sort of lesson to her younger sister Kelly and princess in the popper while it doesn't include Barbie and Kelly it has a blooper reel at the end that gives us a lot of lore as well for starters a blooper reel implies that it's a movie being filmed within Barbie's Canon universe and it can be reasonably assumed that the first three movies were also movies that were filmed within that universe so Barbie is an actress that works in the film industry on top of that some of the weirder lore we get from the blooper real include animals speaking in the Canon Universe such as the sidekick saraphina so we now know that there are intelligent speaking and sentient animals in Barbie's Canon Universe which is a little bit weird pretty much all we know so far so let's keep going before we continue on though this video is sponsored by Better Health as I've mentioned in the past I have ADHD and since I have a job that requires a lot of personal executive function it can sometimes be a way to my own personal mental health I know I'm a YouTuber okay but I also get overwhelmed every now and then and even though I've been kind of living as me my whole life and I know how my brain works there's still room to grow in there often times it's helpful to speak to a therapist if you don't have the right tools to deal with the struggles you go through just kind of living life and sometimes you might not have the network or feel comfortable talking with friends and family about what you might be dealing with better help connects you with a licensed therapist who is trained to listen and give you helpful unbiased advice first you go to their site using my Link at betterhelp.com tednivison you answer a few questions and betterhelp will match you to a professional who has years of experience helping people with struggles like yours you can do it all from your phone or computer via phone call video chat messaging however you feel most comfortable it's the easiest possible way to start talking to a therapist you'll be matched with a therapist usually within 48 hours so you can get started fast visit betterhelp.com tednivison or choose my name during sign up and you'll get a special discount on your first month thanks to better help for sponsoring and let's get back to the video today is day two of watching every Barbie movie ever made today I have 10 to watch more or 11 or 12 so up next this morning is 2005's Barbie Fairytopia so back downstairs I go as of now I don't see a single problem with watching all these Barbie movies my mental state is perfect Perfection right now maybe I feel like I won't have enough today and I'll watch more let's do it looking at this thumbnail for what this movie is going to be I'm already excited look at this Goblin look at that grimbly Barbie Fairytopia Barbie Fairytopia is a movie that goes total left field from folklore retelling and just starts making their own stuff up it's the story of a wingless flower fairy named Alina who is bullied relentlessly for being disabled by having no wings until an evil witch lady and her minion fungus give all the fairies covid-19 and they can't fly anymore and she's trying to steal some magic from some important fair so alinaa embarks on a journey to basically defeat the witch fairy and in the end Elena has her wish granted of having her own Wings it's a pretty crazy story but honestly very creative so four out of five the character Barbie plays in this is pretty resourceful obviously because she's lived her whole life being different I would say she did a pretty good job in this so four out of five for Sidekicks we got to talk about this [ __ ] Bibble this character has got to be the worst sidekick I've seen in probably any piece of media that I've watched listen to this devious creature speak Bibble you startled me per in my watch notes when we first see him I literally have written Barbie's got a sleeping little creepy weirdo as my first impression of him not only that but Bibble receives an insane amount of physical punishment in this movie that is borderline sadistic of the writers to do but if you knew Bibble and what he stood for you'd be satisfied it was going on zero out of five I wish I could go lower the moral of this movie is What Makes You Different Makes You special but that has no value when the ending was making Barbie's character like everyone else by giving her wings one out of five overall Barbie Fairytopia gets a nine out of 20 just finished Barbie Fairytopia what the [ __ ] is a bble next up on the list is Barbie and The Magic of Pegasus here we go Barbie and The Magic of Pegasus is a wild story Barbie is a girl named princess anakah who befriends this pink pegasus who also is her sister under a curse and she's brought to This Cloud Kingdom she's got 3 Days To Break the spell of you guessed it an evil wizard named wilock who turned her whole family to Stone and they have to assemble this wand of light that can beat windlock that's also apparently a myth and it's built with three very vague things from a measure of Courage a ring of love and a gem of ice lit by Hope's Eternal Flame those are barely op those are Notions of things but they managed to build it and eventually defeat wilock in the end three out of five Barbie is less of a perfect person in this but she does have some growth across the movie and learns to appreciate her family so I'll give her a four out of five the sidekick in this one is a baby polar bear she meets at the beginning of the film and this sidekick causes far more problems for Barbie and her team than helps them there's like several times this thing almost gets them killed give a polar bear a one out of five and the moral is there is always hope which I suppose is a fair moral because there was always hope despite the fact that that polar bear was trying to screw him up the whole time three out of five overall this one gets an 8 out of 20 Magic of Pegasus done done with that one oh God next up is Barbie Fairytopia colon Mermaidia so I guess that means that we're going back to Fairytopia with this one but this time we're getting more into mermaids Barb's character alinaa has to travel to this place called Mermaidia because this mermaid prince she met in the last movie got kidnapped because evil witch lady she's back but this time she's looking for a special Berry that'll make her super op there's a creepy human-faced turtle I did not like at all a little weirdo speaking in riddles and the embodiment of gluttony greed Bibble is back so that's awful there's also this weird thing where Alina takes a risk where she swaps her wings for a tail and then makes a sacrifice where she's supposedly stuck as a mermaid but then there's a plot armor Berry she eats and she's just even more fairy than before so no choice a character makes his permanent also which lady got turned into a frog out of five AR's character in this is fine it's always kind of like working out for her though no risk she takes means anything so three out of five you already heard me Sidekick is Bibble again at one point he gets a voice well hello Barry don't you look lovely today which was kind of interesting but it's still Bibble so it sucks zero out of five I don't want to see Bibble again I don't think I can handle that the moral is trust your true self which I guess connects because Alina turns into her true self at the end so four out of five so overall Barbie mermaidia gets a 10 out of 20 when I finished that last fairy topio film I was thinking I would get another Fairy Tale esque Barbie movie Next we're talking princesses weird little animal friends sometimes a big rat with a scepter they can use magic normal stuff after all we are in the classic era of Barbie movies which is mostly just fairy tales through the lens of Barbie and then sometimes Bibble shows up I [ __ ] hate that guy so it's safe to say that I was shocked when I was assaulted and I mean assaulted by the next film Barbie Diaries and part of that was because I wasn't totally sure what I was looking at everyone has got a seems that they took a bit of creative liberties with the animation style this time what happened to you Barbie what's wrong with you you've been turned into a husk I don't know why they changed it the previous animation style was perfectly fine every character in this film moves around like a papier-mâché doll with a squirrel inside moving the limbs did somebody Mattel decide the best way to tell Barbie's true story was by generating an entire movie in The Sims 2 either way here's the beginning of the official description of the movie so you're like not going to believe this awesome story it's filled with Friendship and Magic super cool music stylish fashion and of course romance that sounds like a teenager giving a pitch for the worst movie you've ever heard unlike the previous films Barbie is actually herself in this film in fact this is the first Barbie movie that's about Barbie's life which also means sing ding ding ding ding that's the lore Bell it's ringing that means we're going to discover some Canon lore in this movie with that being said let's dive into this film the movie opens with Barbie and her friends Tia and Courtney hanging out in presumably Barbie's garage slacking off from rehearsing for their band their filmmaker friend Kevin comes in with a classic boy next door entrance saying a cool line wow this is an impressive band practice for your information we rehearsed for like a full 10 minutes I'd say 10 easily 10 a full8 minutes what the [ __ ] if that hit him that would have hurt that's a drumstick and she whipped it at him imagine if it just hit him in the eye and then he's screaming on the floor roll credits Kevin reminds them that they had PL plans to watch the sunset together while they're watching the sunset they each wish for something for their upcoming sophomore year Barbie wishes to Anchor the school news channel Courtney wishes to improve for drumming and tia wishes to be class president however Kevin refuses to say His Wish out loud well you can't say your wish out loud you'll totally jinx it we just did I know sorry about that could have been a great year for you [Music] guys do they just hate Kevin that was a malicious push the first day of sophomore year arrives the girls are driving to school and we see plenty of establish shots of Sims University and it seems like every character moves in a bone chilling way I get physically uncomfortable watching these characters interact with each other they don't seem like they should be real why does he have such a hard time getting that paper off his back just go like this when the girls arrive at school they have their parking spot taken by Guess Who the antagonist of the film and Barbie's greatest rival Raquel oh I'm sorry were you guys going for this spot how awkward it's for the best you saved her the embarrassment parking that junk keep where people can actually see it h how nice of me if you can't tell already this movie borrows a heavy amount of inspiration from Mean Girls which sort of makes sense when you consider that this movie came out in 2005 the year after Mean Girls came out and with the popularity of that movie it doesn't surprise me that people at Mattel were like what the [ __ ] are we doing right in fairy tales we need a story about girls being nasty to each other that's what children want if you don't think it's feeling similar to Mean Girls now you will later next up we introduce the love interest of Barbie which is done in the most incredible Manner and survive the Jeep [Music] rides Barbie this character Todd is carrying the weight of the entire early 2000s on his back he is a legend are you seeing how badass he is look how he walked in the gave a high five to a guy having a crush on Mr hotti School jock guy is a cliche and frankly I think you're better than that really you think that Barbie is above being a cliche are we talking about the same person here she's literally Barbie this is a bit nitpicky also but why are we considering Todd to be hot in this scenario these character models are practically just a pair of eyes and lips and they all look the same also when they get far away from them they look like they just have beads for eyes especially Barbie basically Barbie thinks that Todd is waving at her but oh no way he's dating Raquel her rival and then he goes to hang out in the quad which is allegedly reserved for only popular people it's just a lot I don't know why the popular people are the only ones who can hang out there high school can be clicky but how would they ever enforce that especially since it's the 2000s at an open air campus there's no way you're keeping the hacky sack kids away from that grass okay unless you wanted to start a war that is and right after Tia announces her solution to the quad problem first thing I'm going to do when I'm elected is to eliminate click Hangouts seems like a bit of an overreach of power for a student council president but I respect the energy I think that wouldn't work and then everyone who is popular would hate you Barbie then goes to attempt to pitch herself as being the school news anchor to the teacher running the news station Mr Wexler but oh no again Raquel has just been cast as the next School news anchor this is terrible because that's her rifle so now the w we is pretty serious especially when the journalism teacher assigns Barbie as being Raquel's assistant listen I'm glad you're here you're the most dedicated student on our staff we could really use you around the station this year really Mel's going to need a top-notch assistant you get to do absolutely everything an anchor does except be on air things take a turn in Barbie's favor though when Kevin shows her a video he captured of Rael and Todd breaking up while he was filming cheerleader practice I was shooting cheerleader practice and look what wandered into my shot why were you shooting cheerleader practice Kevin uh look do you want to see the footage or not why do these girls associate with Kevin they don't seem to like him and he's clearly got some vois Tendencies either way Barbie runs in the Todd at his locker and she pulls some classic Barbie RZ as the kids are saying this D and next thing you know Barbie and Todd are hanging out at the bleachers while Todd's leg no clips into the back rooms Barbie and Kevin later have a movie night together as Barbie has friends owned Kevin into the absolute abyss and He suggests that Barbie should try to co-anchor with raal when she tries to ask Mr Wexler if she could co-anchor he says he would only agree if she had a good enough story as if he's running a real news station and he's trying to get pictures of Spider-Man now this is when things start to become interesting because Barbie and Todd are now going to the Fall Formal together the dance the big dance and Todd asked Barbie to watch his football practice which gives us this incredible scene [Music] and then Raquel is like competing with her or something by flirting with other dudes on the football field to try to make Todd jealous doesn't seem like Todd and Raquel had a very healthy relationship to be completely honest next up the girls head to the mall to find outfits for the Fall Formal oh look at this be jeweled Asian utensils cute hair accessories or drumsticks I don't know what it is but there's something strange about calling Chopsticks Asian utensils and then immediately le start using them as drumsticks eventually Barbie finds an outfit for the fall former but uh-oh Raquel and her friends are also at the same store at this mall Rael sees Barbie shopping for the Fall Formal and she picks up her phone to call someone immediately after Barbie gets a call from Todd telling her that Raquel and him are back together and that they can't go to the Fall Formal together anymore which means that Raquel saw barbie happy and then decides that she can't have that so she gets back together with Todd and Todd just says yes as if he didn't already have plans with Barbie they're both awful people also this happens in Mean Girls as well so Barbie is obviously bummed about this and the store clerk sees this so she decides to give Barbie this bwel diary with a bracelet that opens the lock for it because she's now so [ __ ] miserable she starts writing in the diary every day Mel continues to Bully Barbie in school for like really stupid things for instance they gave her crap for doing well on a test and messing up the curve congratulations Barbie way to throw off the curve Barbie also this teacher has the most skin tight college shirt I've ever had the displeasure of seeing that shirt is grafted onto his skin Barbie I need you to do research for my next big story fashion that's your big story I mean it's fun and all but I was thinking care and when Barbie becomes frustrated with how Raquel doesn't care about the news but rather just being a popular girl this gives her the idea to write a story for the school news about the difference between popular and unpopular students on top of this Barbie decides to sign her and her friend's band which is called charms with a z for an audition to play at the Fall Formal but she's very clearly doing it for selfish reasons and Wexler will see that I can be bold and exciting and for once people will know me as something other than the girl who ruins the curve so we're setting up a situation where Barbie is placing her friends on the sidelines for her own personal gain it's such a cool thing to be doing but they end up successfully auditioning for the Fall Formal so Barbie and her friends are now going to be playing at the dance so now we got two story lines that are intersecting here maybe three and I'll try my best to explain it on one side Barbie is attempting to infiltrate and gain the trust of the popular girls so she can essentially write a hit piece on them so that she can become the new news anchor for the school for her own personal game and then we've got Barbie Courtney and tia needing to practice in order to perform at the Fall Formal that Barbie had them audition for for Barbie's own personal game her pitch to her friends is like guys I know we've never performed before but don't you get how [ __ ] cool that would be me by the way I have no idea how they nailed the audition because they've never played it in front of a crowd before and they clearly don't have interest in practicing as can be seen in the first scene of the film on top of that Kevin has started sending Barbie Secret Admirer letters but she's a fool and she thinks that they're from Todd who we know at this point has the mental capacity of an iguana basically what happens from here on out is that Barbie starts writing in this diary and the wishes that she expressed in the diary start coming true which leads Barbie to believe that her good luck is due to her writing these wishes in the diary meaning that the diary is magical of course essentially Barbie believes that she's acquired a more powerful version of the death note if you've seen Mean Girls you generally know what happens next Barbie becomes incredibly engrossed in her infiltration of the popular girls to the point where she's legitimately hanging out with them and gossiping about people for her news story including her friend so we decided to audition for the fall oh hi hi such a loser as a result of this she begins to stop prioritizing practicing with charms which you know rightfully pisses her friends off this whole story comes to a head when the Mean Girls find out that Barbie is writing a hit piece on them and her friends find out that the hit piece also includes her telling secrets to the Mean Girls about them Rael also steals Barbie's bracelet meaning that she can't use her diary anymore which leads her to frantically try to find the bracelet while all of her interpersonal relationships are dissolving around her basically Barbie has become the worst human imaginable and she deserves to be punished for her selfishness and greed Barbie's going to hell sorry kids however she has a change of heart and realizes the error of her ways and instead of airing the hit piece she chooses to play all of the short films that Kevin made over the summer this leads her friends to forgive her for being an absolute [ __ ] for almost the entire movie and charms is somehow able to do an incredible job at the Fall Formal even though Barbie has been skipping practice for weeks and they've never performed in front of a crowd before just gets up there and starts rocking [Music] out Barbie suddenly has the confidence and Poise of a rock star and it was done all through the power of forgiveness and Raquel is so mad that Barbie is a rock star that she gets covered in punch and she's rolling around in the punch and she's screaming and then oh my God Barbie finds out that Kevin was the one writing the secret admire letters and now he's going from friend zone to Bone Zone baby one of the things that sort of confused me about the diary situation in this movie though is that she eventually realizes that the diary was not magic and in reality she's just like good at everything she's just lucky inherently so that's Barbie Diaries if I had to give this movie a rating it would be as follows so for the Barbie score I'm giving it a zero out of five I think the story was somewhat interesting mostly because it was taking pieces out of the Mean Girls Playbook but generally it just involved Barbie intentionally filtrating a friend group for dirt and then realizing that was wrong and then everything works out for her in the end so like two out of five for the moral this was one of the few Barbie movies that did not have a quote at the end so I'm going to have to guess that the moral was that you should treat your friends with respect and that like being a popular person is vapid which I suppose is a good moral so maybe three out of five she did not have an animal sidekick in this movie this is a pretty rare thing for Barbie not to have a little creature with her and I'm pretty upset by it zero out of five which means that Barbie diary gets a 5 out of 20 on the Ted Barbie scale without a doubt this was determined to be the worst Barbie movie in the classic era of Barbie movies but don't be fooled I still had more to watch just finished Barbie Diaries that was a weird movie next up is Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses hope it goes well Barb's got a lot of sisters in this one and they're all royalty but despite that they all live in the same room in a palace with probably 700 rooms their mom's dead so the king's like I need some help with this [ __ ] so he brings in his cousin ruena who turns out to be an absolute freaking [ __ ] she's like a total dick turns the girl's room into like barracks and what makes matters worse she's got an evil monkey the girls discover a secret room that is magical and they do all night Benders dancing down there and lie about it to Rena's shagrin and at the same time ruena is basically poisoning the king but pretending he's sick to the point where she manages to get the kingdom signed over to her but then the girls fight her and they heal the king and that's the end [ __ ] three out of five Barbie's fine in this one she basically dances and has 11 sisters three out of five I guess for Sidekicks you got Barbie's cat a parrot and the evil monkey and the monkey is like really evil so I'm going to give that evil monkey a five out of five that monkey is crazy dude the moral is there is a difference only you can make which is hilarious as a quote when it was 12 Collective sisters specifically in this story that made a difference so two out of five overall 12 Dancing Princesses gets a 13 out of 20 next up is Barbie Fairytopia magic of the Rainbow let's do it son of a [ __ ] okay so we're back in Fairytopia again for the third time this time Alina's going to Fairy School she's training to be an apprentice for those important fairies I I mentioned earlier they're trying to do a silly little ritual called the flight of spring if you don't do it then you get like a decade of winner also evil frog witch lady is trying to mess things up obviously they defeat her but this time according to the Barbie Wikipedia she is killed permanently like dead so that's crazy like every Fairytopia movie something bad happens there's the appearance of permanent consequence but then everything works out so three out of five Bar's character does something really silly in this where she's tripped into turning evil witch lady back from a frog and just trust the Frog based on its word alone and then his gas lit by the rest of the fairies that it wasn't the evil witch lady so she really struggles in this so two out of five for psychics things got way worse in this Fairytopia because not only is bivel in this movie they introduce him a love interest named Dizzle who is a pink female puffball wearing lipstick I had no idea that things could get worse zero out of five the moral is together we're strong I guess it is fine three out of five overall the third fairy toia gets an 8 out of 20 next up we got Barbie she's going to be on ey here we go Barbie and the Island Princess is about Barbie's character row living by herself alone on an island with three animal Sidekicks she can speak to until Ken comes to town and colonizes her and she just kind of trusts this stranger and gets on his boat and goes back to his kingdom with him and as she's exploring civilization for the first time with her animal Pals they discover big surprise an evil plot to take over the kingdom how many times are we going to do this basically they beat the evil lady with the big hair trying to take over the kingdom and it turns out that row is actually the Lost daughter of another King and Queen Baba buy she's the Island Princess and and she gets married to colonizer C it was a pretty interesting premise though so I'd give it a four out of five this character for Barbie is pretty funny because she's the only one who can speak to the animals so I imagine when she does this everyone thinks that she's [ __ ] insane so I give her a three out of five there are a lot of Sidekicks in this but the main ones I'll talk about are rose elephant friend Tika who frequently is an absolute [ __ ] and has abandonment issues and is also a total [ __ ] block towards Barbie's character not a fan of Tika but then the villain has these three little rats named Nat Pat and Matt and the rats have an awesome song where they sing about cheese the whole time we are a of hungry fellas who dream at night about mozas you can tell I was a bit conflicted on the rating here but I like that cheese song so I'll give it a four out of five the moral at the end is there may be Miracles awaiting they may be closer than we know when we have love to guide us as we go which is just a lyric taken from one of the songs I think that's lazy so two out of five overall Barbie as the Island Princess gets a 13 out of 20 next up is Barbie Mariposa rock on baby Barbie Mariposa and her butterfly fairy friends released in 2008 was the first Barbie movie of the 20 housing crisis also this is a story Alina from Fairytopia is telling to Bibble so it's like folklore from the Fairytopia Universe good luck digesting that one anyways this movie is butterfly fairy Attack on Titans they literally have flying Titans outside their City walls called skites that eat the butterfly fairies and they're ugly and weird and kind of have faces that remind me of Thomas the Tank Engine but that's besides the point the story was once again centered around a royal figure being poisoned as part of an attempt to urp a throne besides that I'd say this was some cool World building going on and I can't believe that I'm saying this but a refreshing change in the Fairytopia Universe I did not think anything like that would come out of my mouth four out of five Harvey's character in the story is pretty solid I think she makes some good choices so I'll give her a four out of five and the main animal sidekick in this is a rabbit butterfly thing who I'd say is a good sidekick but Bibble did show up in this movie so two out of five and the moral is the most beautiful thing you can be is yourself and personally I think that that's a really nice sentence and sort of connects to the butterfly theming so five out of five overall Barbie Mariposa gets a 15 out of now on to my 13th Barbie movie which is Barbie and the Diamond Castle okay this is a story Barbie and her friend Teresa tell her sister Stacy about two friends lyanna and Alexa they're both like Mega poor probably because they sell [ __ ] flowers for a living and they get into like a huge situation after finding some heart-shaped stones and also getting a mirror from an old lady The Mirror's got a girl in it and she's in there cuz she's hiding from this evil lady Lydia so she can't find the Diamond Castle cuz that's like the birth plays of music duh don't you know where music comes from so they go on this journey and they meet some cute boys and also Lydia's got a dragon named slider who just won't quit he's trying to kill them all the time but in the end they managed to defeat Lydia through the power of music and friendship and also didn't see this one coming are made Princesses of Music this one's okay three out of five Barbie's character doesn't do anything specific to piss me off in this but she does have some character growth so four out of five the sidekicks are the main issue in this movie these two dogs Sparkle and Lily are some of the weirdest Sidekicks I've seen from a Barbie movie they're like normal dogs most of the time until they start dancing it's horrifying honestly seeing these dogs do that dance it's like the animators took human dancing motion capture and applied it to these dogs and didn't change anything also they've got human teeth are these elves dressed in the skin of dogs I don't think that these are actually dogs zero out of five without a doubt the moral at the end is friendship is the true treasure and I think that's a great moral for what this story was so five out of five so overall Diamond Castle gets a 12 out of 20 next up is Barbie in A Christmas Carol here we go Barbie in A Christmas Carol is just a retelling of A Christmas Carol but instead it's about this singer named Eden Starling instead of Scrooge if you know A Christmas Carol you know how this goes easy four out of five the character Barbie plays in this is actually the first time I've seen Mattel be willing to portray Barbie in kind of a negative light for most of the movie I think they get away with it because they make her British but I'm not going to expand on that but obviously as with this story she has a whole character Arc and an entire new lease on life so I'd give her a four out of five as well Eden Sidekick is a cat named chuzzle with he's also lazy and greedy all and and probably all the other sins too the only thing I'll give him is not being Bibble so one out of five the moral at the end is keep the beauty of Christmas in your heart every day of the year and I get where they're coming from but also kind of an insane ask so three out of five overall Barbie and A Christmas Carol gets a 12 out of 20 it's thumbalina time let's go uh thumbalina this movie was not bad at all basically it's just a story about a twillerbee named Thumbelina that has effectively no relation to the 19th century fairy tale she lives in and some flowers and a spoiled girl and her parents want to build like a Walmart where she lives but she befriends the girl and manages to save their home it's got some environmental themes to it four out of five Barbie doesn't really show up in this film that much usually the main character is a character played by Barbie but because of this end scene where thumbalina is made Cannon by the way they're separate people Barbie is just kind of there at the beginning so I'll give her a four out of five because she didn't really do anything wrong for Sidekicks there isn't much of a sidekick in this one except this really ugly dog and that dog for me is a 1 out of five dog the moral is even the smallest person can make a difference I think this is a perfect moral for this movie to be honest so five out of five overall thumbalina gets a 14 out of 20 I'm on to the final movie of the night Barbie and the Three Musketeers I'm doing so well and my mental state is at an alltime high so we're going to France for this Barbie movie because Barbie plays Karin a girl living on a farm whose dad was a musketeer and she's got dreams of being one herself so she goes to Paris and tries to become a musketeer but it turns out sexism is real in 17th century France so instead she ends up working as a palac maid and along the way meets three other girls and they all end up getting trained to be Musketeers by this old lady made in sort of a Mr Miyagi type scenario also there's this evil adviser to the prince you know the drill [ __ ] wants that throne but Karina and her friends end up becoming musketeer Power Rangers of sorts and they all beat the bad guys also they say don't mess with the dress like more than once in this movie personally I thought it was cool to see Barbie fighting with a sword in this so I'd give it like a four out of five Barbie does sort of show up to the Palace though at the begin begin just expecting that she'd immediately be made a musketeer so I'm going to give her a three out of five Barbie Sidekick is her kitten M who also has aspirations of becoming a mus cat tier I thought they were a good sidekick but they got into some trouble at times so four out of five the moral is true courage is pursuing your dream even when everyone else says it's impossible and honestly I think that's a five out of five moral for me so overall Barbie and the Three Musketeers gets a 16 out of 20 and just like that ladies and gentlemen the first era of Barbie movies I have finished watching I think it was like 13 movies or something like that just watched Barbie and the Three Musketeers and Barbie and her friends kicked ass tomorrow is a new day and you know I'm feeling great I feel like I'm really starting to understand some various pieces of Laur there's some serious strings that's pulling this whole thing together so what have we learned Barbie is an actress in all of these films with the exception of small portions that she shows up in Christmas Carol thumbalina and diamond castle in Barbie Diaries Waffle House is lore I don't know what this will mean for us but it's lore we also learned that Barbie lives in Malibu California Barbie's got some friends Tia Courtney and Kevin and also an enemy Raquel beyond that in this movie Barbie is starting her sophomore year in high school this could possibly be before Barbie started her time working as an actress but I'm I'm still figuring out the timelines here okay you guys got to give me a chance in Barbie and the Diamond Castle we get another glimpse of a sister of Barbie Stacy so we're kind of building out the family tree in Barbie's Canon lore in Barbie and A Christmas Carol we get some serious lore drops as well first of all Barbie identifies with some denomination of Christianity as they celebrate Christmas not only that but there's a huge implication at the end of the film that the character that Barbie plays Eden Starling is actually one of Barbie's ancestors this is because of the snow globe that she gives to Kelly at the end of the film as that's the same snow globe that Eden Starling passed down to her children that she's [ __ ] more also Barbie has a friend named Nick and finally as I mentioned in Barbie Thumbelina twillerbees little fairies they can do plant magic yeah they're Cannon because at the end of the film Barbie literally waves to them as she walks away and they do some like plant Magic and make a tree grow in the Canon World twillerbees plant magic both Canon both real that's all the Canon information that we've learned for today so let's keep going today is day three of watching every Barbie movie ever made over the last 2 days I've watched 16 Barbie movies only stopping to sleep and I'm feeling right as rain we're now officially moving from the classic era of Barbie movies into the fashion era I'm not totally sure what this means because I'm seeing a lot of mermaid and princess and fairy tale and fairy as words being used in the titles of these upcoming movies but I think what we're going to see is a movement from Barbie as a princess and a fairy and whatever moving over to focusing more on Barbie and her friends like in the illustrious Barbie Diaries this whole era of Barbie movies includes this many movies 13 movies in total so I'm thinking that may who put this shirt on me hello I have no idea how this shirt got on my chest American that seems a little on the nose okay I'm watching a lot of Barbie movies but I'm not going to wear Barbie paraphernalia that's not something that I'm going to do what the [ __ ] okay so let's start with the 17th Barbie what the keep calm and be a Barbie we're just going to continue with the 17th Barbie movie Barbie and a Mermaid Tale in this one we've got Barbie's character Malia she's a surfer girl and she's cool as [ __ ] and she finds out she's half mermaid and air to the throne of a mermaid kingdom but also she's got an evil Aunt damn so she sets out on a journey with a pink dolphin to collect three things to defeat her and when she does at the end her aunt is banished to the Mariana Trench I'd say there was far less ridiculous moments in this plot and it felt a lot cleaner than some previous Barbie movies so I'll give it a four out of five I'd probably give this Barbie's character a three out of five and for Sidekicks the pink dolphin was okay I honestly can't really tell you anything of note that pulls me in either direction about them so three out of five and the moral at the end is What Makes You Different just might be your greatest strength and I agree the ability to breathe underwater and be a mermaid is op as [ __ ] five out of five so overall Barbie and a mermaid tail gets a 15 out of 20 looks like Barbie's going to teach me a little something about fashion let's do it this movie is the first time since Barbie Diaries that we get a story that entirely exists within Barbie's Canon Universe which is big for lore let me tell you basically Barbie's working as an actress and she gets [ __ ] fired and then Ken breaks up with her so she's like screw this I'm going to France to start helping my aunt millison run her faing fashion design studio so she does they end up trying to do a fashion show to buy her aunt's building back from a hot dog company also there's fairies but they're f fashion fairies so they're called flares also Ken actually didn't break up with her because that was our old pal Rael being a devious swindler so there's a b plot where he's trying to get to France the whole time to make amends with Barbie and finally the evil fashion designer across the street actually apologizes in the end and doesn't end up dead or arrested which was honestly a first I thought it was pretty good so for the story five out of five Barbie is pretty good in this and instead of being the main talent in the story she actually supports the skills of her aunt's assistant rather than being the gifted one herself and I thought that was a pretty cool choice so five out of five for Sidekicks Barbie's got a poodle named sequin and there's like a whole like pet romance Side Story thing where this French dog jacqu wants to make sequin is Muse they also do more dancing at the end on their hind legs and stuff we already know I hate that I think for the sidekicks a three out of five the moral is Magic happens when you believe in yourself and to be honest I think they could have done better so three out of five overall Barbie and a fashion fairy tale gets a 16 out of 20 I'm getting on watching a decade worth of Barbie movies we continue to push on what the we continue to push on and things happening around me are normal Barbie A Fairy Secret is weird mostly for lore because once again we're involving magic and fairies into the Canon world of Barbie which is starting to stress me out a bit it starts off with Barbie at a red carpet Premiere and then devolves into Ken getting kidnapped by some fairies and Barbie and Raquel team up and travel to gloss Angeles to prevent Ken from being married to this fairy girl there's a lot of fashion themes there's pegga ponies which are apparently distinct from Pegasus Ken has to fight a duel i' probably give it a three out of five Barbie and this has some good moments especially when she and Raquel sit down and actually talk out their rivalry with each other so there's some real growth there I'd give her a four out of five for Sidekicks there isn't any and that and that actually kind of pisses me off so zero out of five and the moral is forgiveness lets you fly and this connects well to her making amends with raal so four out of five overall Barbie A Fairy Secret Gets 11 out of 20 next up is Barbie Princess Charm School here we go I'm just going to come out and say this this Barbie movie is kind of a banger Barbie stars as this char Blair Willows who wins a lottery and gets a scholarship to Princess Charm School which is where you can train to be a princess or a lady Royal if you're not of Royal Blood she chooses to go because her family isn't super rich and her mom is sick and it leads into this whole story of her training to be a princess it's got High School drama Vibes there's also a hint of Skyhigh in this because it's like a special high school and in general I'd say this is one of the most interesting Barbie movies I've seen that took a really creative take on the princess theming and despite the potentially dystopian environment of a world where there's a lottery to become a princess and that's someone's only option to pull their family out of like poverty I'd give it a five out of five I'd also probably give Barbie's character in this a four out of five for Sidekicks Blair has a dog named Prince who's just a cool dog but they've also got these fairy assistants that are assigned to each student I'm unsure if they're getting paid to do this or this is something more nefarious so for the vagueness of that I'll give a three out of five the moral is there's a princess in every girl kind of weak moral three out of five so Barbie Princess Charm School gets a 15 out of 20 we got another Christmas movie Barbie A Perfect Christmas wish me luck Barbie A Perfect Christmas is when I start to lose faith in the future of Barbie movies because this is just a whole lot of nothing the story is Barbie and her sisters Skipper Stacy and Chelsea going on a trip to New yor wait hold on back up a second Chelsea who the hell is this that's Kelly isn't it Barbie's youngest sister's name is Kelly who the hell is Chelsea what the [ __ ] happened to Kelly anyways they're traveling to New York City to meet their aunt but inclement weather forces their flight to land in bum [ __ ] Minnesota so they end up at like a weird hotel where there's heavy implications that it's like the North Pole and the people working there are elves in Minnesota essentially the only conflict is inclement weather and they have to make the best of it so like two out of five Barbie is basically just the big sister character in this that has to deal with all her sisters all having problems so like three out of five the sidekick is a husky puppy named Rudy he's kind of just like a dog that shows up and also is kind of supposed to be Rudolph in some capacity 2 out of five the moral is being together is what makes a perfect Christmas fine I'll take it four out of five overall Barbie A Perfect Christmas gets an 11 out of 20 that makes 21 Barbie films that I have seen thus far which means I am now halfway through every Barbie movie in existence so let's keep going and watch Mermaid Tale 2 here we go we're back in mermaid town and Barbie mermaid Malia is mermaiden again can you believe it and guess what Eva launch pack and she's [ __ ] stuff up I don't even know what to tell you I've seen so many of these royalty usurping stories where the main villain returns I'm losing my mind there's magic there's evil creepy fish there's even an evil henchman fish with a mustache and honestly he looked pretty good yeah okay I'll admit it i' [ __ ] I'd [ __ ] the fish who said that not me she gets everything She Wants in the end she gets to be mermaid and human whenever she wants I don't know four out of five Barbie gets a three out of five I don't know why sidekick [ __ ] him one out of five the moral it feels so good to be something bigger than yourself in my opinion this is potentially promoting Cults don't like this language one out of five overall Mermaid Tale 2 gets a 9 out of 20 I couldn't even tell you why now as we know in this second era of Barbie movies Barbie's going through kind of like a transitional phase she's going through puberty we're moving away from rehashes of traditional folklore tales with just Barbie inserted into them beginning to make up new stories for Barbie and putting more of an emphasis on what tell things that young girls are into in the 2010s which is fashion and music AKA classic ballet [ __ ] off it's time for Uncle Sam to show you a little thing we like to call capitalism why we're the best country in the world this confliction of Concepts princesses and fairy tales and fashionistas and music quite literally combines in the movie that we're going to be talking about from this era Barbie the Princess and the Pop Star they're doing a rehash of a rehash they're making meat cubes with this [ __ ] that's has squared baby now before even watching this movie I thought to myself well this is going to be interesting because the whole premise of The Princess and the popper story is a princess and a woman living in pretty much abject poverty switch places and they learned something valuable about each other's place in the world what exactly does a princess or a pop star have to learn about each other's Lifestyles that's like ultimately valuable in the end they're both R that's like a banker switching lives with a Wall Street investor there's money in both sides but I says to myself whatever surely they'll have something valuable to offer each other in life lessons so let's get into it the movie opens up immediately with a massive concert that's being held in the stadium people are freaking out everyone's excited they're shedding their pants e don't do that e gross gross gross stop [ __ ] in the stop [ __ ] at the concert dude what the [ __ ] how comes Cara the pop star and she's doing a big old musical number she is killing it up there I mean look at her go at the same time from her balcony in her castle princess Tori is watching Cara's concert she wants to go down and see the concert but she gets chewed out by her aunt because she's supposed to be doing her princess duties and this leads into Tori and her sister's sort of just not doing that and knocking people over and running around the castle while a version of Girls Just Want to Have Fun plays but instead it's princesses Just Want to Have Fun princess to fun yeah sure princesses want to have so does everyone else in fact they're probably the most disposed to be able to have fun they're rich they live in a castle made of marble you'd be lucky to see that on a normal person's kitchen island and their house is made of it Hera finishes her song while this is happening and she gives a little speech to the audience hey there Bella I am pumped to be here performing at your Kingdom's 500th anniversary damn dude 500 years that is a really long time for a kingdom to exist that is very impressive although there is something incredibly strange about a pop star performing at the 500th year anniversary of a monarchy what what's that about these people watching in the audience probably have iPhones and the internet but they're living in a monarchy does feudalism still exist in this world too like are are these people watching surfs yeah so the scroll is saying that we got to give 80% of our food to the king om in the form of tax but it's actually okay because Kira's performing tonight guys yes y so I'm immediately trying to figure out is this an absolute monarchy like a governmental monarchy cuz there's there's a very small amount of those left in the world today and one of the few that comes to mind is Saudi Arabia but let's not dwell on it so after Kiera finishes her show she's approached by her manager krider who kind of dresses like he was pulled out of a Dusty suburb kids dress up bin and K does not speak to crer very respectfully did you forget where you're going or is there something else whoa dude chill out either way kier's situation is that she hasn't written any new songs for her label her reason being that she's feeling uninspired and she's too stressed out by all the things involved with her stardom like the concerts and the lights and the deals and everything that comes with Fame she just wants to be able to chill sometimes she wants to be able to light up the sativa maybe do cocaine that wouldn't be chill maybe do meth no princess Victoria now there's a sweet gig she's probably never worked a day in her life also why is there a photo of the royal family in the dressing room that's a mobile dressing room they had to specifically put it in there or Kira just takes it with her wherever she goes is she a royalist at the same time this is happening tor's getting chewed out by her freaking Aunt because she needs to prepare a commemoration speech for the 500th year anniversary of the kingdom and she basically just doesn't want to do it she's procrastinating super [ __ ] hard I can relate to that this video took me so so long to me tor's like known for doing pranks on people and her aunt is kind of sick of it this has your mark all over it I was willing to overlook the exploding cupcakes at tea and the skunk at the embassy board honestly I kind of get why her aunt is frustrated with her making cupcakes that explode at social events what is she doing terrorism at her own gas that's weird she's got some serious behavioral issues bakira and Tori begin to sing a song about how they wish that they had the other person's life I wish I had her life then I would be so free I wish I had her life I would be so free this song is a ridiculous perspective for both of the characters to have of each other I'm Tori I'm not a nice princess my aunt [ __ ] hates me I make cupcakes exploded social event but really I just want to be a pop star what I love about this song is that most of the audience that'd be watching this movie could not relate to either of their perspective this song is like the nepo baby Anthem this is so much worse than the original things that the characters from The Princess and the popper wanted that was just a princess wanting a more normal life and a woman that didn't want to be like abused and live in abject poverty in this movie these are two girls wanting a different type of affluence than they already have they're like I want to be a different type of Rich okay here's manager is then seen speaking to her record label where they're saying that she needs to have a new song by next Saturday or they're going to completely drop her from the label kind of feels like a bit of an overreaction but clearly that must mean things are pretty bad for Kira has she been doing the same songs for for like 10 years now at this point it becomes prettyy clear that krider is the antagonist of this movie his whole thesis is that he doesn't like working as a manager for Kier and instead wants to become a star because he feels like he missed out on that in his Youth and that he needs a lot of money to fund his restart of a career as a performer this is also kind of a ridiculous position to have K is clearly a really successful pop star and managers usually take 10 to 20% of their clients gross income as a fee so Cryder could potentially be making millions of dollars if only somehow I had the means to restart my career all I need is one lucky break or a rich Widow no dude you do not need a rich Widow you're already rich if the princess of the Kingdom's a Stan of your client you got to be raking in bills son that's a sold out 20,000 C Stadium right there they're all watching her not to mention touring and merch you don't need to manipulate a rich Widow Crider so Crowder begins to manipulate tor's widowed aunt at a party while this is happening we hear this conversation going on this drought has been hard on the entire region our reservoirs are only 30% of normal and our Vineyards are wiering we got some info here on the monarchy thing so a couple of royally dressed heads of state are talking about how there's a drought going on in the region so we can assume there's multiple monarchies and they're talking like this threat has a direct impact on their job possible absolute monarchy going on here right now also pretty [ __ ] up that they're having these fancy parties while the Kingdom's suffering from a drought that's not a good look trying to feel a little French right now if you know what I mean like uh bonjour bis Kier and Tori meet at this ball as well and Tori decides to show Kier her room there's more me in here than in my house mhm your guitar your albums most of your fashion line I wore this in my first music video it's still my very favorite a little creepy but that's okay this is where we find out Kira and Tori both have a magical item for seemingly no reason other than they just have them K has a magical microphone that allows her to change outfits and Tori has a magical hairbrush that allows her to change hair and showing off their magical items to each other they realize that they look pretty similar to each other just like in the earlier story Tori gets the idea to pretend to be each other for a little bit to experience what it's like princess that's being shut away from The Real World brings you to a room covered in posters of you and then turns to you and goes I'm your biggest fan of all time Kira let's switch lives I'd be thinking to myself this is where I will die and no one will know Tory shows kiiier around the castle and decides to show kiar her Kingdom's biggest secret of all time which is a secret room that contains a garden with a diamond bush in it that's taken care of by fairies apparently this diamond plant's been growing for like 500 years and the general population doesn't know about it it blooms just once every 5 years it's diamonds help pay for schools and you know stuff huh stuff what sort of stuff Tori kind of feels like she mentioned schools for the Optics there so the aunt catches Tori while she's perusing the castle at the same time with krider and she's like what the [ __ ] are you doing showing our family secrets to someone you just met this is when Cryder catches a look at the diamond plan and he's like money give me that give me that money the next day K and Tor decide to enact their plan of switching lives and spending the whole day as each other of course this requires a rehash of a song from The Princess and the popper where Tori is teaching Kiera how to be a princess so there's a whole montage with each of the girls operating in each other's places to's learning choreography for kier's concert I'm not sure what Kier is going to do when she comes back from pretending to be Tori and she just doesn't know the choreography she learned that same day what is she going to say sorry guys I forgot what do you mean you learned it today and Kira's off flirting with a prince and they're having ice cream dates and then kind of out of nowhere we get some information on how this kingdom is actually doing when Tori decides to go on a walk dressed as K Shan's up in this area where the roads are not even paved and these little girls inform her that they want to go to kii's concert but they can't afford to because of the drought in the kingdom and their parents not being able to afford anything Tori is completely unaware that the drought is even still going on drought is that still going on oh yeah it wiped out all The Vineyards this year what that's still happening that [ __ ] sucks man apparently everyone in this kingdom is struggling to get by while the royal family has a diamond plant that nobody knows about I can feel myself getting frencher no oh no maybe the French had the right idea maybe these Royal necks are getting a little bit too thick maybe we should shave some of that off Tori however after Kira and Tori FaceTime Kira decides to just make the concert free that night so everything's okay at this point kryder's going completely Rogue because of this diamond plant he's ditched the widowed on idea and he's totally blown up his relationship with Kira's label before he's actually even acquired the diamond plant and his idea is that he's going to go steal it from the castle while kier's concert's happening that night because I guess a lot of the royal family and I guess the guards are going to be there while hanging out with tor's sisters Kier gets a random boost of inspiration seemingly from her experience just hanging out as a princess I guess she realizes she doesn't need to live in a fancy Castle to be happy and they're riding beds through the sky and stuff but Tori did not write her commencement speech unsurprisingly before she met Kira her aunt shows up and she's [ __ ] pissed and locks Kira in her room so Kira can't get to the concert certain switch back with Tori and cannot get a hold of Tori because she kind of just left her phone somewhere they don't even really explain a reason why she left her phone somewhere she's just like I lost it where is she riff something's wrong and where's my phone so basically Tori's screwed because the concert's starting and Kira is expected on stage and it gets to the point where she just straight up has to perform she's a little bit nervous at first but then she gains some confidence through the power of playing on an acoustic guitar and all of a sudden she's Off to the Races and she's doing pretty good same time this is happening kryder and his henchmen managed to get into the secret room they Gass the [ __ ] out of the fairies with hairspray it's actually kind of [ __ ] up and cut the diamond plant off its roots and immediately all of the plant life in Mirabella starts to die cor realizes what's going on and she has to ditch the concert to run to the castle now a brief intermission sing amongst yourselves what the [ __ ] don't don't throw a metal microphone into the audience Tori yeah yeah yeah yeah holy [ __ ] he's dead so Tori rushes to the castle kir finds a secret passageway out of tor's room and they both confront krider as he's trying to escape the castle they begin to fight it out and when krider realizes he's not going to get away easily he jumps off a cliff and has a wing suit out of nowhere then Kar changes his outfit and he basically gets defeated because now he's floating like Princess Peach and Smash Bros and the diamond plant falls off the cliff and they're like no the plant's dead Kingdom's doomed no but then they planted some diamonds they had left over and the plant grows back to full size wasn't that thing growing for 500 years why did it grow back in like 5 seconds so now the evil is defeated and the girls Rush back to the concert and they both get up on stage and they're singing together and it's a happy ending on the concert side of things on the societal side of things because of tor's experience and like the slums of Mirabella she decides to enact some changes and besides updating mirabella's irrigation systems against future droughts we are also establishing a social services program for our Kingdom's needy so you didn't have that before you didn't have any of that no social services I guess I'm not that surprised I mean the roads in practically downtown Mirabella are not paved children are Liv in poverty while have a diamond plan and what's great about this moment is it actually confirms that Mirabella is an absolute government monarchy because the princess is announcing these changes which means it's coming from the royal family overall this movie is like Taylor Swift doing the eras tour in Saudi Arabia so here are my ratings I would say Barbie and her counterpart are pretty hard to relate to in this movie they're basically just privileged people who want to be a different kind of rich and they make really weird choices like forgetting her phone when she's disguised as another person other than that they're not too bad so three out of five the story was weird because it almost followed the original princess in the the popper story line with the rich Widow angle similar to preminger then it goes off the rails and he starts trying to steal a diamond plant it's pretty middle of the road especially because it's based off a previously good Barbie movie so two out of five I could not for the life of me tell you what the moral of the story of this movie is other than just like taking on your responsibilities and not complaining about wanting to be a different type of Rich the quote wasn't even any sort of statement from Barbie either it's just there's a star that's inside you so come on and let it out find out what you're about and just shout here I am which is definitely a song lyrics so zero out of five both Cara and Tori had dogs K had a mohawk bulldog and Tori had a crusty little white dog but they didn't really offer much to the story other than just kind of being there so three out of five so overall this movie gets an 8 out of 20 little Barbie points now let's keep going all right next up is Barbie in a pink shoes let's do this freaking thing let's go this Barbie movie is sort of a sendoff of sorts to the era of Barbie movies based on fairy tales and folklore and in doing so ends up being the weirdest combination of all of them we start off with a ballerina named Kristen her teacher hates her and she gets a magic shoes that transport her to a ballerina Dimension everybody's dancing in ballerina town and then this ice lady shows up and she's really creepy and is forcing people to dance like an [ __ ] and there's references to a bunch of different fairy tales some of which Barbie is already covered it's really weird but she comes back to the real world and does like a good dance and she wins I guess she she wins the dance like a three out of five Barbie's kind of basic in this one too so three out of five there's not really a sidekick in this one so zero out of five and the moral is listen to the beat of your heart and keep on dancing I think this works with the story of being yourself in this so four out of five overall Pink Shoes gets a 10 out of 20 but maros and the Fairy Princess okay here we go okay we're back in the fairy Topia Universe for I think the fifth time Mar po poo is back and this time she's employing herself in diplomacy and fixing racism because she's got to go as a diplomat of the butterfly fairies to the crystal fairies Homeland because these guys have been feuding with each other for like a hundred years overall though I think this story was a cool expansion again on the Fairytopia world I think I enjoyed watching it so four out of five Barb's character in this is great I actually like Mariposa she's just trying to get everyone to get along I'd give her a four out of five we're running into problems here with the sidekicks again though let me tell you let me tell you you know why because we're introduced to possibly an even worse Bibble because this Bibble is named z and he's a [ __ ] ball with a tooth maripa didn't even have a puffball in the last movie he just shows up meaning the writers retconed a puffball into the story because apparently they thought it would elevate it these puffballs are like the minions of the Barbie Universe what demographic of the general population is so obsessed with these little cherubs that don't speak English that they keep getting added to these stories I will never know zero out of five and the moral is the best way to make a friend is to be a friend F duh you think that people are making friends go around being an enemy weird moral brother weird two out of five overall Mara 2o gets a 10 out of 20 something deep inside my soul is stirring and I I don't know what's happening next up Barbie and his sisters in Pony town here we go Barbie and her sisters are back in the Canon universe and this movie is about horses and ponies in the Swiss Alps for the summer because their Aunt Marlene owns a Riding Academy so you got three sisters learning to ride horses and eventually compete in a tournament for money because another Anna Barbie has a failing business that she is tasked with saving this movie though is mostly about Barbie and her discovery of a super rare horse that's so Majestic that Barbie named it Majesty after it saved her by being killed by vicious wolves Jesus Christ Barbie almost had Canon Death In This Moment there's an evil French horse rider guy who's abusive to horses Stacy's horse [ __ ] hates her guts and they even have something worse than a horse girl horse boy [Laughter] look Alpine has a new trick rider what do you call that move the mud dive I probably give the story a three out of five Barbie in this movie was pretty solid I think she had a good progression of her character in originally wanting to take this extremely rare horse from the Swiss Alps back to Malibu but then chose to have it stay with its herd I'd give her a four out of five I'd say the most prominent sidekick was the sexy horse and this thing could fight wolves which was pretty badass but also got trapped under a boulder somehow so three out of five and the moral is if you love something set it free this match is the story but it's also not super creative so three out of five overall Barbie and her sisters in a ponytail gets a 13 out of 20 I'm sitting here and I'm about to watch Barbie and The Pearl Princess I really am I had all the intention in the world and I've got the controler on my hand and my finger is hovering over the byy movie thing and I just can't I can I've watched 10 Barbie movies today I've got neighbors they're probably looking in through the window saying this is the ideal image in a sadist Mind of a broken man I feel like I'm studying for a test but I don't I don't fully know what's even going on here who is this woman is she an actress or is she as I just saw in the last movie a horse riding Prodigy that can speak to [ __ ] magical horses with sexy long flowing hair they can jump so high they can fly and this is Cannon bar shit's not adding up here Blondie and there's multiple films where they have to assemble a [ __ ] super weapon in order to beat the main villain like a Barbie equivalent weapon of mass destruction oh you want to kill that guy well you got to go on this journey and you got to get three things one a box of your greatest fears two a tear drop from a mermaid and three what you've been looking for inside in order to build this scepter of Truth in order to feed box claw box claw yeah box claw that's a Barbie movie name right there oh box claw I'm so [ __ ] done listen I have watched 26 Barbie movies one after the other just Barbie movie Barbie movie Barbie movie Barbie movie there's 15 more Barbie movies to go one of them is only half an hour long so I'm not too worried about that one I'm going to bed right now I will see you guys tomorrow for the fourth day in a row of watching every Barbie movie ever made all right we've got a lot to go over so buckle up kiddos these up here are the movies that Barbie accent and these are the movies where I got a ridiculous amount of lore because Barbie plays herself in them and things are getting weirder let me tell you so let's set this up give me a second in fashion fairy tale we get a whole lot of information firstly Barbie has an aunt that lives in Paris France named Aunt Millis and she is proficient in fashion design on top of that we get a direct verbal reference from Barbie to one of her earlier films where she talks about working on the Three Musketeers and we know this Barbie is an actress that's well established but this is even more significant because we've got Barbie making reference across eras to another Barbie film also we get more confirmation that magic is real because flares are canon in the Barbie Universe also Raquel changed her hair to brunette I don't know why in Fairy Secret there's a whole lot of [ __ ] [ __ ] that becomes Canon the fairy dimension of gloss Angeles huh fairies the size of human pegga ponies they're Pegasus but we need to clarify that it is a pony version of Pegasus apparently in Barbie of perfect Christmas we are introduced to Skipper who is the third oldest sister in Barbie's family putting Barbie's immediate family unit now to a total of four but then more shockingly Chelsea shows up as if she's always been there this girl is supposed to be Kelly but everyone's Conner Chelsea as if that's always been who she is am I smoking weed what's going on there Barbie huh what's going on there Barbie and I'm not saying I'm a huge fan of Kelly don't get me wrong I'm not like a Kelly Super Fan but I'd at least like some transparency from Barbie if she killed her sister and replaced her with another girl called Chelsea that seems like something that the people should know about of course this wouldn't be a problem at all if Skipper didn't directly reference the fashion show that Barbie did for Aunt millison of which in that movie Barbie makes a direct verbal reference to the acting that she did in the Three Musketeers which connects to the classic era of Barbie movies the last time we saw Kelly leading me to believe with some degree of confidence that Kelly exists in the same continuity as Chelsea do you understand why that's a problem finally in Barbie and her sisters in a ponytail we get another Canon relative Aunt Marlene and she owns a horseback riding Academy in the Swiss Alps and it's mentioned in this movie that Barbie is one of the most accomplished horseback Riders on the west coast so she's got that going for her too and finally it is the first movie to actually mention Barbie and her sister's last name Roberts and let me just say I'm on to you Barbie Roberts until tomorrow welcome to day four last night when I was sleeping I had a dream the full details of the dream obviously I can't remember the one thing I do know is that I had three animal friends and they could speak English today we are starting with the 27th Barbie movie there's four more in the modern plot era and then we'll be entering the error where Mattel ended the home video releases and then eventually just started releasing their barber movies on Netflix I can't take this off I've tried I went to bed without a shirt on and I woke up with this on so let's just jump right into day four here we go next up is Barbie the Pearl Princess let's do it okay there's more mermaids this time but it's a whole different set of mermaids it's different mermaid Barb's character is a mermaid named Lumina who can do Pearl magic which is like uh using pearls and it's it's just magic there's not too much to say about this movie it's another scenario where she's actually a princess that was stolen and at Birth and the villain wants his son to be on the throne assuring the throne we know how this works her adoptive mother is this old lady mermaid who's actually like a really accomplished assassin she's the villain's go-to person for poison so I think she's killed a lot of people she like might be a terrorist but it all works out in the end this one also in terms of story felt a little rushed with all of the Beats I'd give it a three out of five I think I enjoyed Barbie's character in this movie so I'll give her a four out of five the sidekicks were pretty strong in this one Barbie Sidekick is a seahorse named Cuda but what I really liked is this incredibly nefarious villain sidekick named Murphy who's a creepy eel it kind of looks like a troll face so five out of five for that creepy eel dude what the what is up with that guy the moral is always leave things better than you found them I don't totally know what this is referencing in the story so two out of five overall this movie gets a 14 out of 20 Barbie got some secret entrances this time because it's Barbie and the Secret Door Barbie's character is a princess again named Alexa she doesn't like being a princess she sings a whole song about how she wishes that she also had magic which is like come on dude you want guns for eyes too you're a princess just buy what you want also they live in this Castle but there's also like Manhattan behind it so I think this is another world where monarchy rules modern societies anyway she finds a secret door goes to like Dr Seuss's Dimension where there's this evil little girl who's trying to take everyone's magic so she's hunting down fairies and mermaids and she's got these guys that like to sniff yes they are called sniffers she finds her courage she wins something about the power of friendship I guess but the world in Universe was slightly unique and there was good character design so four out of five can't say I'm the biggest fan of Barbie's character in this because of the fact that she's a princess singing a whole song bummed about the fact that she doesn't have magic so two out of five not too much of a clear sidekick in this one either maybe those sniffer guys I'd maybe give them a two out of five and the moral is you never know what you can do unless you try I personally actually like this moral and I believe in the sentiment behind it so four out of five overall Secret Door gets a 12 out of 20 next up is Barbie and princess power I have no idea what this is going to be this movie is where the writers for Barbie just started going off the rails a little bit I did not think this would be a movie I would see from Barbie but here we are Barbie stars is a princess that dresses like she was plucked out of I Carly and she's got these two little nerd friends that make gadgets for her there's an evil adviser he's trying to make a super serum it goes down the drain like literally it goes down the drain ends up on a butterfly butterfly gives her a kiss she goes into an ego death level khole and wakes up and now she's got superpowers now she's going around doing crime fighting throwing police cars at people doing petty theft which is a bit extreme there's also a strange amount of chain reactions that happen in this movie that is not really explained and then jealous friend also gets superpowers so now they're like at odds but then the advisor guy makes himself some more serum and he's trying to just straight up kill everyone like he tries to kill a whole city with a volcano but then he gets his buck kicked and then Barbie's character makes a community garden this story was kind of painful two out of five I also just didn't like Barbie in this so two out of five in terms of Sidekicks Barbie's got a dog yeah but there's this little frog the adviser has he's kind of like a nut case so four out of five and the moral is the power to change the world has been inside you all along which is true as long as you get a drug that gives you super powers and also you're a princess give me a break dog one out of five overall Barbie and princess power gets a 9 out of 20 this is a bad Barbie movie next up is Barbie and rock and Royals and play what we have here with this movie is Barbie Camp Rock plus royalty also let me explain Barb's character is a princess she's going to camp for royalty I guess but they mixed up the list and she's forced to go to Camp pop against her will I think based on the dates of when this came out it's a mixture between Camp Rock and Pitch Perfect because you got the pop kids doing pop music and then the Royals are doing a capella it's a really weird summer camp type story with a lot of music and culminates in a singoff between the two camps with the real estate of the loosen camp on the line which is like don't put this on the campers why are we doing this there's a lot of similarities to the vibes from Princess and the Pop Star and while it's ridiculous it was interesting and there was character growth I'll give this story a four out of five I think I'd give Barbie's character in this a four out of five as well she was pretty resourceful and able to unite the two camps together with help from ericao so pretty good there isn't any Sidekicks really in this one so as we know that gets a zero out of five and moral is Rock Your Own Story I don't know what the [ __ ] this is even supposed to mean uh 1 out of five overall Barbie rock and Royals gets a 9 out of 20 next up is Barbie and her sisters in a great puppy Adventure play this movie is a huge lore drop for Barbie lore but at its core it's basically a watered down Scooby-Doo story Barbie and her three sisters traveled to her hometown of Willows Wisconsin to stay with their grandmother during the summer the grandmother's dog just had four puppies so all the girls get their own dog and they find an old treasure map in the Attic that leads them on a hunt for treasure that was buried by the town's Founders they're running all all over town doing riddles and puzzles with the puppies and are also being pursued by this pair of evil Carnival guys that also want the treasure and they end up finding the treasure and they donate most of it to the city to help it Prosper it honestly was a little boring of a movie I'd give this story maybe a three out of five this new era of Barbie is starting to piss me off a little bit mostly because when they found the treasure they got a finder fee which by my estimation could be at least 40 lb of gold which is worth over a million dollar and they buried it to give the town hope but they just found like $500 million worth of treasure and gave it to the why do they need to make more hope one out of five for Barbie the pyic are the puppies named Honey rookie DJ and Taffy I'd probably give them a three out of five and this movie had no moral at the end like no little quote to go off of but in the official description it says that the girls discover that the greatest Treasure of all is the love and laughter they share as sisters which is nice and all but don't bury your finders feet put it in a trust for your sisters Barbie one out of five overall this movie gets an8 out of 20 I'm interested in this Barbie and spy Squad is next all right here we go things are getting worse with Barbie spy Squad let me tell you okay so Barbie and her friends are doing gymnastics they're trying to qualify for the championship they do and after Barbie's friend's Aunt takes them the Hollywood sign which is revealed to be a secret spy base her friend's aunt is a spy and secretly British and she wants Barbie and her friends a group of high school students who are good at gymnastics to become International spies to catch this cat burglar that stole a gem it leads them on this whole journey there's a guy that works there that's actually the villain and betrays everyone he's going for world domination he ends up going to jail but at the end of the day I will never understand why this thought it made sense to bring these untrained high school girls into a life of death poison assassination um and and also death again like why would you do that two out of five Barbie's fine in this middle of the road you know that means she gets a three out of five the most notable Sidekick is this floating robot cat thing that works for the British on I'd probably give this little rash goal a three out of five and the moral at the end is this is our story what's yours kind of a rude quote um one out of five overall Barbie spy Squad gets a 9 out of 20 a little bit worried about this but next up is Barbie Starlight Adventure sure here we go I don't even know what to say other than that I am shocked I have to figure out how this [ __ ] could possibly be Canon because Barbie you're making it tough basically this is a story about Barbie on a mission to stop the heat death of the universe that's right this movie opens with narration explaining that the stars are going out and there is only one person destined to save the universe and apparently that's Barbie it starts off on what I think might be another planet she's called a Surface by some Galactic King they have to find this alien creature that will let them travel through a magnetic storm to the center of the universe also she can use the force and also she has a dad and at the end of the story she manages to reverse the heat death of the universe by dancing has a magical girl transformation into a new dress and she's made princess by the king in the end this movie was insane it creates a lot of problems for me too but I was invested so four out of five Barbie made a weird choice in this movie where she assumed the King was going to need that alien for his zoo and let it free which sort of messed up the plans to save the universe for a second so I'll give her a two out of five the psychic was this alien creature named named Popcorn who later on turned into a cat this thing kind of creeps me out so two out of five and the moral at the end is you can be anything I don't know I I mean I guess yeah four out of five overall Barbie Starlight Adventure gets a 12 out of 20 and I am stressed all right next up is Barbie and her sisters in a puppy Chase here we go over the course of watching these movies I have been confused shocked and even delighted by Barbie's character but no movie has created more frustration for me than number 34 Barbie and her sisters in a puppy Chas it could be because I was losing my sanity after watching 15 years worth of Barbie films but in watching this movie I could actually feel myself getting angry at a fictional character which is a troubling place to find oneself so let's talk about it the movie opens up with Barbie and her sisters flying into Hawaii for a dance tournament that Chelsea is competing in they're also joined by the puppies that they adopted in this Netflix era of the BCU when they land Barbie sisters all Express things that they're excited to do on this trip to Hawaii Skipper is excited to relax and just utilize the hotel Wi-Fi Stacy is excited to do a bunch of activities like snorkeling and most notably Chelsea is focused on practicing so she can prepare for her dance competition tomorrow which I emphasize is the reason they are in Hawaii in the first place Barbie immediately brushes all of these things off and decides that it's a good idea to take her sisters on a quick road trip now let's go see the surprise like when like right now who's ready for a quick road trip and Chelsea rightfully immediately calls this out I have to get to the hotel to start practicing we are here for my dance competition remember but Barbie kind of disregards this Chelsea stop worrying you'll be fine if they're traveling to Hawaii for a dance competition I feel like that must mean that it's a pretty big deal so why is Barbie like no you'll be fine we're going on a road trip and Barbie means that they're going on the road trip now they're not even going to stop at the hotel so they go and rent a car and lo and behold Barbie has not made a reservation for a rental car and the best thing that they can get is a golf cart there is no plan at least not one that has been shared with any of her Sisters in any capacity and it doesn't seem like Barbie has figured out what the plan is either the destination that they're headed to is called Banyon Tree Park and they on the road there they instantly run out of reception and Barbie is driving questionably here let me see just slow down around the turn dude she didn't even apologize she just kept driving like it was normal so without cell phone service Barbie says that they can go old school and just use a map but this map is almost instantly lost by one of the sisters maybe we should just turn around and head back to the hotel relax it's a small island it can't be that hard to find no it's not it's Hawaii the biggest island there is twice the of Delaware you also don't live here this is a new place to you Barbie eventually Barbie and her sisters show up at the Park and Barbie's big surprise is a dancing horse festival are those dancing horses surprise cool what a great surprise Barbie I knew you guys would like it so you just ignore all of the plans and worries that your sisters have because you know best kind of feels like you did this for you Barbie kind of feels like you wanted to go to the horse festival Barbie also lets the puppies run around on their own unsupervised while they watch the show and I don't care if they can talk don't do that they're puppies bro they don't know where to pee yet and you're sending them off into the jungle and as they're watching the show Barbie kind of gets on Chelsea's case about practicing for her dance routine 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Chelsea you're missing everything I'm working on my routine you don't have to practice every minute Chelsea shut the [ __ ] up about your dance competition I'm trying to watch the hsees but my dance competition is tomorrow shut the [ __ ] up so at the same time that Barbie and her sisters are watching the horse show the puppies predictably get sidetracked and end up inside of a horse trailer and the girls watch the entirety of the show until the horse trainers are packed up and are actively leaving with the puppies inside the trailer and that's the moment that they realize they haven't checked on where they are there they are hey wake up so they pile into the golf cart to chase after the horse trainers and Barbie thinks to herself what if I did something really risky that would save me 5 seconds and she tries to drive through an opening in the banon tree we're not going to make it sure we will I think great we're stuck what did Barbie think the time save of a risky maneuver like that would do for them did they need a catch up to the car that fast like what were they going to do they're going to ram into the side of the horse trailer puppies are inside so now the golf cart is stuck in this tree and they're just giving up on this reynal they don't even try to push it out it's a lost cause apparently and according to Barbie it's already getting late so the best thing for them to do is to stay in place and Hike back to the hotel in the morning you know it's not every day you can camp under the island Stars what a strange spin to put on this that's not the problem Barbie I'm sure that she's trying to look on the brighter side of things but she says this with an energy as if her saying it makes everything better that's just ignoring the actual problem so her sister sto complaining that's like getting in a car crash and then having to trade insurance with the person you hit and being like it's not every day you get to make a new friend luckily for the Robert the rental car agency happened to leave them blankets and water and Stacy was also carrying about 8,000 calories worth of protein bars so they'll probably survive and to keep morale up Barbie has her sisters play a game where they imagine if they weren't in this situation we'd say what if then imagine something super amazing this is a great time for the imagination game this feels a little bit manipulative at this point guys listen I know this situation sucks and it's kind of totally my fault but what if we had a giant Pink f with a water slide wa no way that's yeah so we're uh we're sleeping in the dirt tonight for real though so they sleep in the jungle and then things get even worse because it actually begins to rain so they all have to sleep in the golf cart in the tree the whole night and when they wake up they only have 12 hours until Chelsea's competition but first they have to go get the puppies at the beach that apparently the horse trainers went to so Bar's like okay let's go to the main road and call for help but unfortunately for them we should be able to call for help from the main road [Music] the road's washed out washed out what are you talking what are you talking about the road is destroyed washed out as an understatement that is gone from the earth I don't even know what could have done this did a rock slide come through and instead of trying to find their way around to the other side so they can keep going Barbie decides to enter the woods there has to be another way out H there we're going to hike that why not so now Barbie and her sisters are climbing up a mountain which she continues to downplay we just have to get over the top piece of cake they're now climbing up rock walls where she makes all of her sisters go first instead of making sure it's safe herself also why is this a better and safer option than just trying to navigate the washed out road that remains a mystery to me and then they eventually get to a cliff how are we going to get over there well I don't see an elevator or anything maybe we can find another Vine or something down that Cliff yep and we're having fun too aren't we she keeps choosing actively worse scenarios when there were previously viable options it's starting to feel like she's trying to make things worse they eventually discover in a in zipline and Barbie barely tries to prevent her sister from just going for it and risking her life over this Canyon uh shouldn't we do some kind of safety check first yep and I'm on Ito I'd like to imagine a world where Stacy just [ __ ] dies in the scenario like she just plummets down the canyon they eventually Reach This village where they managed to rent a big camper van even after admitting that they ditched their last rental but this is great Barbie and her sisters can finally go get the puppies and Chelsea can go do her competition thank God wrong they got lost for what appears to be hours just driving around unable to find their way to strangely happy music passing the rental agent multiple times and Barbie just doesn't ask for direction this goes on to the point where they just run out of gas how can we be out of gas didn't you check hey the camper got us this far complete deflection of the problem she didn't even answer the question hey man camper had a mind of its own you know we should be grateful that camper got us this far it's actually only the second vehicle that we've used on this two-day trap despite this they actually found the horse trainer so what do they do they ditch the rental in the middle of the road look at them walk away they don't even care now the whole time this is all going on the be story is just the antics of the puppies and the horses and this one show dog poodle nothing really important happens with them but when the girls show up at the beach the puppies are off like playing on a beach somewhere so they don't know where they are and this is when Chelsea just lays into Barbie and she's right the whole time we'll get you there you keep saying that yep under a tree uh-huh on the zipline yeah exact in a camper without gas uh-huh no matter what happens you keep saying everything's going going to be fine tell him but it is going to be fine boo [ __ ] you boo what if it isn't but master manipulator Barbie decides to play a game with Chelsea where they make up scenarios that would be worse what if a giant submarine comes out of the water right now and the captain tells you you have to live underwater from now on listen Chelsea hey man I know this situation sucks but you know you could always get kidnapped and that would be worse than this so you should feel good no need to think man it's just a little bit of Barbie magic a little bit of Barbie perspective you know so the girls find the puppies who have just learned to Surf and the horse trainers decide to do them a huge solid and drive them to Chelsea's Dance Competition this is great Chelsea can make it to her dance competition it's all going to work out baby wrong again dead wrong actually the bridge is washed out washed out stop saying that what are you talking about that is a solid stone bridge that has been annihilated that is not a wooden rickety bridge that is a government contracted piece of infrastructure that has been disintegrated by the weather dissolved by water and wind and God him out Hawaii should be in a state of emergency right now where's the National Guard H and Barbie and her sister should be dead they slept under a tree in a category 6 hurricane but guess what it's all good the horse trainers are nicer than Jesus because they let Barbie and her sisters take their horses and they trust these untrained Riders one of which is 7 years old by the way to scale over the gap of this Destro Bridge got to be like 20t Gap with death below it even as the ground shows itself to be unstable they are unfaced and they met Barbie and her sisters yesterday either way Barbie and her sister rideing horseback to make it to the competition it's already started Chelsea hasn't checked in they get lost again and this is where finally Barbie shows maybe a micum of Remorse by feeling sorry for herself and guil tripping her sisters until they try to make her feel better just because you mess up doesn't mean you fail uh yeah Barbie yeah no we had fun hiking through the Wilderness because you couldn't admit that you didn't know what the [ __ ] you were doing now the competition is happening already and a girl named Lindsay is doing her routine and is killing it by the way she's tap dancing while doing a handstand and after she's finished they give the last call for Chelsea to perform they are quite literally about to hand this poor girl the trophy and then the girls finally show up and beg to let Chelsea perform and they're somehow willing to make an exception so Chelsea goes on stage to perform and let's just say Chelsea does not do a good job she's tripping over herself she's very unsure of herself almost as if her claims of needing to practice were well founded isn't that interesting Barbie but then the baby horse comes up and starts dancing and they Chang the music completely and Chelsea is doing a new dance seemingly by improv and then Barbie chases one of the animals up there and oh okay well no Barbie's joining in on the dance no that's cool Barbie yeah no you join in on the dance too let's make Chelsea's moment about you this is a dance competition this has to be a disqualifying thing is it not oh nope puppies and the rest of the sisters are on stage two cool why don't we all just start dance let's just ignore the whole competition nothing matters at this point the infrastructure on this island is probably burning to the ground right now the horses are up there puppies are dancing and all four sisters and when they're done against her own best interest Lindsay lets Chelsea win the whole [ __ ] tournament awesome Chelsea you totally deserve to win like this girl worked so hard for this and just gave it away to the insane people with dancing horses that were late if I was Lindsay's parent I would be like Lindsay what the [ __ ] are you doing don't give it to them and after all that it ends with a celebratory Cory Dan scene the end if I had to give this movie a rating it would be as follows on Barbie she is a completely irresponsible chapon in this movie She continuously makes choices that are against her own interest and chooses to ignore her sister's worries for her safety and comfort and her ability to have a solution resulting in her and her sisters being stranded on an island with no self service or shelter for 24 hours I came to realize by the end of watching this film that Barbie was not the protagonist of this film she was the antagonist zero out of five on story this entire story was an inconen to watch it was like traveling back and forth to the DMV and being told each time that you're missing an additional form that takes a week to process in their system zero out of five the moral was aimed at making the best out of a bad situation but it came off more like ignore your problems until they're too big to ignore and you've ruined everything zero out of five the puppies are fine they're ultimately useless but also innocent victims in this entire story two out of five meaning that the total score for this Barbie movie is 2 out of 20 this is without a doubt the worst Barbie movie in the modern era of Barbie movies I watched eight Barbie movies today Barbie and a puppy Chase was one of the most shocking Barbie movies that I've ever seen in my entire life Barbie became the most unreasonable psychotic individual that I've ever seen in my entire life and it's Canon the most Illuminating aspects of this is what little care she has for her siblings as if they were just she could just make others we are in the final stretch there are eight more Barbie movies for me to watch I'm unraveling a web that is more shocking than anything I've seen in my adult life I need to goep sleep I don't know how that keeps you ending up on there I'm going I'm things are getting out of control I'm losing my mind but I'm going to make this work trust me here we go Barbie's an actress in these movies these are the Canon ones and they have the most confusing lore yet and Barbie and her Sisters in the great puppy Adventure we get so much lore on Barbie's past we got Barbie's hometown of Willows Wisconsin in this movie we see like a home video of Barbie winning a science contest when she was like 10 or 11 meaning she's good at science we meet Grandma Roberts for the first time further expanding Barbie's extending family and when looking at old photos in her attic it seems like Grandma Roberts got up to some things in her youth as well have you been like everywhere your grandfather and I always loved a good Adventure we also get a glimpse at Grandpa Roberts who apparently passed away before the shooting of this film little bit convenient if you ask me by the way in Barbie spy Squad she's a gymnast she's also a trained spy now also we've got a new friend she's got named Renee and also Teresa from fashion fairy tale shows back up so Starlight Adventure is where I ran into some problems though because well there's actually a few problems that I ran into because of this movie Mar's playing herself in this film she's also in [ __ ] space and as I've mentioned she can use the force she lives on a planet called paradin which Bears very close similarity to the continents of Earth I mean this is a photo of what the plan that looks like North and South America but despite that occurs in a world where space fairing travel is common and at a point where the stars are just going out they're just going compl also there is this man who is allegedly her father in this film and that's the first time that we've gotten a dad this is the first time that we're seeing a parent of Barbie and it's it's a space Dad yeah okay sure yeah no this is definitely Barbie's Dad give me a break I don't know what to do with this movie but I got some serious theories Brewing from it and I don't think that you guys are prepared for what this is turning out to be because I was so with all that lore locked in let's continue to the final stretch of Barbie today is day five of watching every Barbie movie ever made the characters in these Barbie films are invading my dreams feel like Vsauce in that one video where he puts himself in complete isolation for 72 hours because very often I'm waking up in the morning and I'm confused so with all that being said let's just finish the job and watch the final eight Barbie movies God help us [Music] all what the [ __ ] is happening I don't even know anymore okay Barbie's a video game developer now she's making a new video game she gets magically pulled into a video game and has to beat every level in order to fix a computer virus that has infected the game the virus is just like made of emojis it was really hard to watch all the levels are different video game worlds I I mean watching this felt like I was on a bad LSD trip while my body decomposes in a shady back alley there's like a Minecraft portion Barbie makes a nether portal and what makes everything so much worse is the final challenge is to win a game of Just Dance and not like a knockoff it's the game just dance just dance is Canon and Barbie she wins in the end I don't know for like one out of five Barbie she gets like a three out of five the sidekick is a cloud who speaks in Rhymes I don't like him either two out of five and they don't give a quote for the moral again but I'm 90% sure the moral was to purchase Just Dance do you know what's even more awesome what Just Dance want to have some fun so that gets a zero out of five overall video game hero gets a 6 out of 20 I don't know what I just watched but next up is Barbie dolphin magic here we go in this movie Barbie and her sisters are visiting a tropical island where Ken is doing a marine biology internship basically the whole story is you've got these rare dolphins that got captured Barbie meets a mermaid that is friends with them and wants to save them also unfortunately making mermaids Canon and Barbie Ken's boss is evil and wants to sell the Dolphins for money she's a she's a piece of [ __ ] I don't know they win in the end it was like a two out of five story for me Barbie gets a four out of five for her marine conservation efforts good on you Barb the sidekicks are the puppies again I'm getting really sick of these puppies out of five and we keep getting the same quote for the moral at the end so I'm just going to assume the moral is to not be a poacher which is five out of five overall dolphin magic gets a 12 out of 20 next up is Barbie princess adventures let's Adventure in this movie Barbie's an influencer now he's trying to take my job which I do not appreciate also Barbie's got parents now and after 30 plus movies of me thinking they were straight up dead this was a crazy Revelation for me anyways the story is about Barbie school doing an exchange with a kingdom somewhere and the princess there looks just like Barbie and you guess what happened happens they do a little Switcheroo isn't that something else oh yeah there's an evil guy going for the throne too God you shouldn't do that man it never it literally never works out this movie is super basic I feel like I've seen this a thousand times already what I had never seen was a song sung by Ken's friend Trey on why he should be king of the kingdom and needless to say it melted my brain King of the Kingdom King of the Kingdom oh yeah what the [ __ ] was that so story gets a two out of five Barbie does something really dumb where she's pretending to be the princess but she gets caught because she's still wearing her necklace that says Barbie on it so three out of five for that little mistake Sidekick is the same dog as before zero out of five and the moral is life doesn't happen on camera life is what happens when the cameras are off and I think this is a good moral for a 20s Barbie movie so four out of five overall Barbie Princess Adventure gets a 9 out of 20 we got a Chelsea movie it's it's Chelsea lost birthday here we go this movie is a rough one too and it's so forgettable that it's silly that I'm even talking about it but I have to basically Barbie and the Roberts family go on a cruise and they cross the International Date Line so it skips Chelsea's birthday so she goes on like a whole journey to save her birthday she was like sliding down rainbows and talking to animals and it really got me worried for the lore stuff to be honest but in the end it was a dream so that was a release they also did the flossing dance which was a mistake one out of five for Barbie this movie wasn't even really about Barbie it was a Chelsea Focus movie but she was absolutely giving me vibes from the time they were in Hawaii so one out of five for Sidekicks I suppose the sidekicks are the dream creatur creatures that Chelsea conjured up so I'd give them a three out of five and there is no moral to the story you couldn't convince me there was if you tried zero out of five so Chelsea's last birthday gets a 5 out of 20 next up is Barbie big city Big Dreams let's do this in this movie Barbie moves to New York City for an art summer program because she wants to be a Broadway star now and this movie is significant because we're actually introduced to a new character also named Barbie Barbie Brooklyn Roberts we have the same name they're adventuring around New York City Brooklyn absolutely eat [ __ ] off a stage cuz Malibu Barbie knocked into her there's some drama I don't know it was pretty okay I'd give it a four out of five I'd say both Barbies are pretty good in this too they managed to work out their drama in the end and I'd give them both a four out of five no Sidekicks in this it's BS I know so zero out of five and with no quote I'd say this movie is about not totally being focused on winning but rather improving alongside your peers and lifting up everyone around you so five out of five overall big city Big Dreams gets a 13 out of 20 so I was trying to watch the rest of the Barbie movies and I fell asleep last night three more Barbie movies to watch and then I finish I've watched every Barbie movie ever made I'm not done yet though so here we go folks the final Barbie movies I thought I was going to be able to do it in four but day six here we are we've got another mermaid story baby but this time it's a Canon mermaid story so it's Malibu Barbie Brooklyn Barbie and the sisters on an adventure with their old mermaid friend from that other movie where they compete to be some sort of power keeper they all get to be mermaids everyone's a mermaid great also that potra lady from the other movie is back and she's like twice as psycho as before for and she's trying to prove mermaids are real and all the science Community thinks that she's an idiot I'd probably give the story a three out of five for Barbie i' give him a 2 out of five don't question me we're so close to the end here for Sidekicks there are like fish they talk to there's no real Sidekicks one out of five and the moral is something about learning to find your inner power I think I'd give it like a three out of five so mermaid power gets a 9 out of 20 the second to last Barbie movie Barbie epic road trip let's do it Barbie epic road trip was probably the last thing I wanted to run into on my last day watching every Barbie they couldn't just let me chill out turn my brain off and Rel no they had to give me choice because this Netflix Barbie movie required me to make decisions it's a Choose Your Own Adventure Barbie movie it's making me choose I say the dreams okay fine dreams Ken it's basically about malibo Barbie Brooklyn Barbie hen and the Three Sisters going on a road trip they're delivering adopted dogs from Skipper silly little dog app there's a lot of convoluted lore apparently at some point Barbie and Ken went back to being friends and now they've got like tension again also I accidentally made the wrong choice at one point and I got Barbie abducted by aliens and lost like I lost the movie like I I I failed the movie they reset me at the beginning so I had to restart I guess it was cool I don't want to tell the story for you Barbie though make your own decisions one out of five Barbie literally cannot make her own decisions in this so two out of five for that the psychics are like a bunch of dogs that are about to get adopted I don't know this era kind of sucks for Sidekicks and it's been bumming me out so zero out of five moral good question I could not tell you the viewer makes the decisions maybe the moral is not even fictional characters know what they're doing and perhaps that's comforting three out of five so the second to last movie Epic road trip gets a 6 out of 20 the final Barbie movie Skipper and the big babysitting Adventure let's do this thing okay it's the last Barbie movie and it's not even about her it's about Skipper the gaming sister and her inability to run a babysitting business something about a theme park something about a gaming bus Skipper wins in the end it doesn't matter I don't even care I don't even care because I've done it I've watched them all four out of five for all I care and this story isn't even about Barbie because Barbie's off doing some liberal [ __ ] planting trees in the Amazon like a nerd like that like that's literally what she's doing in this story so two five for psychics none zero out of five [ __ ] them who needs them moral I don't know okay I don't know what they're trying to teach me maybe how to be a babysitter who who knows leave me alone one out of five overall the last animated Barbie movie gets a 7 out of 20 and I'm done I'm done I've done it I've done it all right here's the lore we learned from the final Barbie movie in Barbie video game hero as I've mentioned Just Dance is Canon I've got no idea why they would do this money maybe money really makes things kind of confusing for me too like like this is all just a joke news flash it's not do you see how much work I put into this it's not a joke this is my Afghanistan and I'm invading Barbie Ville for oil so anyways Barbie also adds coding she's a game developer to her list of proficiencies with this movie and Barbie dolphin Magic guess what boom look at that mermaids are cannon in the BCU why not I'd also like to highlight an interesting phrase that Chelsea says in this film I'm just really sick of hamme downs Barbie and her sisters live in a house in malib they're able to do whatever they want fly wherever they want travel the world so why in the world would hand-me-downs be even a notion that the Roberts are familiar with unless it was for a different reason in Princess Adventure we got so much additional lore that it stressed me out a bit but here we go social media influencer gets added to Barbie's list of proficiency next up this is a weird one for me Barbie's mom and dad are introduced into the Canon wall and her dad George Roberts who unsurprisingly looks totally different than her dad in Starlight Adventure I don't think this is her dad you also get a slew of Side characters that are added to Barbie's network of Associates I got no goddamn idea who these people are but most notably a princess that looks identical to Barbie but unlike something like princess in the poer which is a fictional movie that occurs within the Canon universe of the BCU this is a real person Within cannon that looks identical to Barbie and Barbie big city Big Dreams she adds performer to her list of proficiencies and we're also introduced to Barbie Brooklyn Roberts for the first time Barbie epic road trip is kind of a confusing one as I'm unsure if it satisfies the qualifications for a Canon movie the decisions made in the movie are done by the viewer because it's a Choose Your Own Adventure Netflix special and there's multiple different endings and while Barbie is playing herself in this film the decisions that she makes are not hers so I think I'm going to make a rare executive decision to determine that this movie Barbie epic road trip is not Cannon I ain't even putting this [ __ ] on The Bard and finally in Barbie Skipper in the big baby sitting Adventure Barbie's in the Amazon plan trees she's not even present really in this movie um but she went there and that's can so with all the lore here laid out and finally covered I can finally develop my theory on the true lore of Barbie wish me luck I had finished my task watched every single Barbie movie it felt like my mind was about to burst over hours of Barbie films were rattling around in my brain and I still hadn't solved it what was Barbie's secret how was she so proficient at so many skills achieving so much traveling so much of the world and doing it all before she could legally drink a beer it just didn't add up it didn't make sense an accomplished actress director horse rider coder philanthropist performer influencer gymnast train Spy Who Rich famous and completely morally sound in a world of magic fairies space travel and absolute monarchies and what's worse is that it all comes back to Kelly where did she go is she alive is she dead did she ever exist at all there were so many strings to the Roberts family wrapped around the globe Kelly then Chelsea Stacy Skipper George Margaret millison marleene even Grandma and Grandpa Roberts none of their stories added up until they did I've seen many theories online as to what Barbie might be in the lore of the BCU I've seen talk that she's Immortal that she's a vampire but none of these things quite click with me except for one and you're going to need to let me explain this Barbie is a genetically modified clone that operates within a larger decentralized hive mind to achieve a goal across thousands potentially millions of years and I know what you think please let me explain in order for Barbie to be able to attain as much knowledge and skill as she does she can't be operating as an individual creature she needs to be operating as part of a larger decentralized hive mind that can still be considered a single organism Barbie Barbie's immediate family unit of Four Sisters is a means to train and grow more Barbie you're not seeing a group of Four Sisters you're seeing the growth cycle of a series of Barbie clones being trained that's why it's a decentralized hive mind as each member maintains some level of autonomy while still operating within a system you start with Chelsea or Kelly learning the initial ideals of what it means to be a Barbie eventually upgrading to Stacy where new skills such as Sports and other activ can be learned then you move on to Skipper where science and other technology is further emphasize and eventually a clone will become a Barbie of course you can't stop the process of aging and while it appears each Barbie clone ages slower than the average human eventually they have to move on to their next responsibility which is to go to ground for several years and reemerge as an aunt one that is specifically proficient in certain tasks another option is becoming Barbie's mom and then when those Barbie clones get older they retire into the position of Grandma Roberts this explains why in the earlier Barbie films we see Stacy looking much older than she does in the later Barbie film she's about to move on to the next stage of growth in fashion fairy tale we meet Aunt millison this older clone is settled down in Paris France and helps growing clones learn about fashion design we meet another age Barbie clone Aunt Marlene and Barbie and her sisters and a ponytail who teaches the younger Robert's clones about horseback riding this would later come into play in puppy Chase as their skills in horseback riding allowed them to achieve their goals in great puppy Adventure we meet Grandma Roberts a very old Barbie clone and we see evidence in her attic of her being a younger Barbie clone just to be expected from a retired Barbie clone hary's behavior in puppy Chase was terrible as we know but it could be explained if you recontextualize it as the leader of a group of trainees where she's placing them in situations where she's testing their skills and aptitude it's almost if she intentionally let the puppies Go free knowing that it would place the younger sisters in a boot camp type scenario where there survival skills would be tested for the sake of the cause even in Barbie Princess Adventure we see two Barbie clones directly interacting with Barbie and Amelia even in Barbie dolphin magic Chelsea complains about hamme down but as we know the Roberts are incredibly wealthy travel the world all the time and have a house in Malibu what reason would they have for Handy Downs unless there was an expectation for each sister within the family unit to dress within a certain wardrobe and this brings me to Kelly's disappearance what happened to her why was she replaced with Chelsea Kelly was a failed Barbie clone and wasn't able to adhere to the strict guidelines of her training in Nutcracker Rapunzel Swan Lake and Christmas Carol Kelly consistently had difficulty performing the activities she was doing with Barbie and I think this frustrated Barbie and eventually Kelly was removed from the cluster I think that Kelly is dead so where does Ken exist in all of this I mean he's been in a lot of the movies Ken's probably another clone of some sort possibly a creature bred purely to be a thall in the Barbie clone Hive this would explain why Ken don't have the same strict adherence to Features as Barbie it would also explain the existence of Barbie's dad in Starlight Adventure as I have an inkling that her dad is just an aged Ken that has been tasked with chaperoning her until she can achieve her larger goal so what is the Barbie clone Hive mind's purpose I mean why put up this front of pretending to be a single person what's the deal with that noise in order to achieve its goals Barbie needs capital and does so by maintaining a picture perfect movie Persona in order to fund the wealth that can be then invested back into the hive M and in order to do that they need to fly under the radar of the larger human population you think that Barbie was being an idiot by donating those hundreds of millions of dollars worth of gold back to the town of Willows Wisconsin really of course you'd do that the hive mine owns that [ __ ] town that was probably a stash The Hive mine buried there years ago before it had a solid alii for as well the hive mine's purpose appears to be becoming proficient at skills and promoting its morals and lifestyle asie continues on its Journey it gains more and more knowledge and information getting it closer to you guessed it Enlightenment that's what the moral serve as a means to teach her clones more about achieving its view of perfection and this is why the final Barbie movie in the true continuity of its lore is Barbie Starlight Adventure this is a world where humanity is expanded into the stars and yet Barbie has remained and while this Barbie has very little knowledge about her previous clones or hive mind not knowing her mother we can see the evidence of potentially thousands of years of knowledge the hive mind has collected cuz she can use the force and at the end of the movie She travels to the center of the universe to complete the task The Hive mine had set out long ago to complete to reignite the universe in Barbie's own image becoming a cosmic princess and ascending to [Music] godhood okay so there you have it you're welcome by the way the true lore of Barbie so here we are this many days after I finished watching every Barbie movie ever made it is now time for the final boss it was mentally exhausting but I will now be walking into that theater with a complete and full understanding of Barbie L I'm not getting laughed out of the theater with this on because people are going to see me and they're going to say that guy knows what he's doing that guy knows a thing or two about Barbie lore and they'll be right and I will be walking out of that theater to be the greatest expert on Barbie movies to ever walk the earth so I'm going to leave right now to watch my final Barbie movie and I'll see if this was all worth it [Music] it wasn't worth it it absolutely wasn't none of my theories added up at all in fact it was barely related how did I not see this coming decentralized clone Hive why did I think they would make a movie about that what's worse is I kept Whispering asking when the Clones would show up oh God I I done all this work I done all this research all that time all those movies what the [ __ ] was I even thinking when you walk into the here go go bo bo when I see you driving by [Music]