okay so I can't put this off any longer without actually faking my own death which believe me pretty bloody tempting right now as is actually doing myself in for real it's time to talk about the iPhone 16e at 600 this is now Apple's most affordable blower as they finally taken the lame old se3 around the back of the bar and put it out of its misery hopefully by kicking it to death with concrete shoes of course you couldn't call the iPhone 16 e cheap or indeed even really affordable unless you just happen to be a spoiled middle-aged brat with the personality of a constipated Bulldog so anyway you asked for it kides here's my iPhone 16e review and for more on the latest and greatest Tech or just overpriced toss like this please do POG subscribe and ding that notifications Bell cheers now the one good thing about the iPhone se3 and I do mean the one good thing was the pleasingly compact design well the iPhone 16e has grown a wee bit but only to 6.1 in although those old school bezels are horribly thick so the phone itself isn't quite as mini as you might hope and of course all the standard Apple trops are present and correct the flat edges and the antagonizing the sharp corners but thankfully because it is a bit more dinky the iPhone 16e isn't as uncomfortable to clutch as a pissed off porcupine unlike The Who and great m M withth iPhone 16 Pro Max and the iPhone 16 e basts beautiful design that is Drop Dead Gorgeous at least it does according to Apple's marketing department who I can only imagine are kept chained in a basement somewhere in Silicon Valley and forced to watch endless reruns of Jordy Shaw until whatever remains of their traumatized Consciousness vomits out a string of nonsensical Whimsy that cook and cor can slap on a poster preferably some Childish jumble of words that makes literally bugger all sense like future proof your fast for instance it's a bit of a tossup whether that one was written by a toddler with early onset dementia or apple intelligence but hey don't want to get ahead of myself plenty more on that little beauty later on let's check I've got my whiskey handy anyway I'm going off on one now the point is that Apple's iPhone 16 e is beautiful in the same way that a serial killer thinks that someone's kidney flopping about on their kitchen table is beautiful it'll certainly take a special kind of mind to appreciate these rather Bland Aesthetics and for some absolutely incomprehensible reason Apple isn't even offering the 16e and the same vibrant Vivid selection of colors as the standard iPhone 16 your choices here or black or white no bold Hues for you pors who can't afford a proper iPhone in better news at least the camera bump the singular camera bump is rather slight although yeah yes the iPhone 16 e does Still Tremble like a sh in poodle when it's sat on a desk or table now sadly that touch ID sensor is finally dead it's worm food rough it did always take up a big old bulk of that front end I don't know why Apple never got around to slapping one on the back so now on the face ID remains sadly still no way of getting it to actually unlock straight to your desktops you still have to swipe the bloody thing every single time unless of course you use one of the now standard hacks like the double back tap to unlock to your desktops which sometimes works there you go as you can see miles more convenient but thankfully face ID itself works really well as always pretty fast and generally works even in very low light conditions has no problem recognizing me even if I'm weeping under my Dove or having a nice little cry session in the shower and oh yes the iPhone 16e is of course fully water resistant so while the phone itself remains coldly Indi as your tears splash down across its colorless frame at least all that moisture warn bollocks it up Al though if the screen is even slightly wet that does BK the responsiveness now despite costing 600 quids the iPhone 16 sadly comes with a rather Mega 120 gigs of storage which as you can see there I've used up the bulk of that already in what two fraking weeks though a large portion of the blame certainly rests on the shoulders of genin and Wen waves the bloed ball bags that they are if you fancy a decent amount of storage you'll have to stuff even more scratch into Timmy Cook's gusset especially as this bugger all micro SD memory card expandability here and I've had a go at Samsung and googleing them for exactly the same Shin diggery 128 gigs as standard in the likes of the pixel 9 and the Samsung Galaxy s25 flagships which frankly it's just not good enough in 2025 especially for gamers as you see download two fraking titles that's pretty much your entire storage wiped out and then if you want to just take a few photos and videos on your phone God forbid you're basically out of luck it's especially unacceptable when quite a few mid-rangers these days come with 256 gigs as standard that likes the nothing phone 3A Pro and even Samsung's on Galaxy a56 256 as standard here in the UK and then even worse here on the iPhone 16 e Apple will rip an extra bonus 100 pond out of your wallet just to get you up to a respectable level so that's £700 you're now spending on an affordable phone already getting angry and we haven't even touched on iOS or apple intelligence yet and calm now the software of course is good old iOS 16 complete with a reported 5 years of support which isn't quite as good as Google Samsung Etc but it's still pretty decent it's basically the same old iOS that you get on other iPhones except with some of the worst bits from yester year fully reinstated so for example you can only see a tiny weed chunk of the status bar so good luck figuring out if you've actually got any notifications waiting for you or whatever and even worse there's absolutely no always on display in 2025 I feel like I should be slopping out in the street right now cuz this is some medieval right here it's not all terrible news thankfully you do have a couple of modern Apple improvements including the old action button SLA there above the volume buttons just close enough so you'll occasionally mistake it for the volume up and as before this ties into shortcuts so it's effectively a macro button that you can perform to open any app or basically run any specific task including some of Apple's recent stabs at AI oh Apple intelligence now Apple has been rather heavily marketing this stuff as one of the key features of the latest iPhones even though it's actually about as smart as the brown stuff I script at the bottom of my pond or the average Premier League footballer so for instance you got the same pointless writing tool slapped on the likes of Samsung and xiaomi blowers this can rewrite your message to make you sound slightly less like an idiot or marginally more sober at least but it generally doesn't work very well you've also got a proof readen tool which is probably quite a good idea after Apple's auto correct toss has swaps the words you meant to type for nonsensical bollocks youve also got the same equally pointless image generation tool which is seemingly incapable of spaffing out anything you actually ask for so for example let's ask for a rabbit pulling a magician out of a hat you need to choose what your person looks like so yeah just go for that one Whatever yep done and then what do we get me as a magician with a tiny wand and some other weird stuff floting about in the air and a rabbit just kind of shoved there off to the S side excellent me again just as a magician me as a rabbit masquerading as a magician yeah I mean you get the idea I'm also going to try asking for a Teenage Mutant Ninja capibara and what I get is a mouse in an 80 style puffer jacket with a sweatband last attempt an iPhone that is actually good unable to use that description just too outlandish a concept I guess meanwhile the Gen Moji tool is exactly the same except for emojis you know those annoying things that people use when they can't be bothered to respond to you with actual words like when you message your dad Hey I just heard that Uncle Kevin is in prison again what happened this time and he simply responds back with scared cat orine skull and cross bores some of these work all right the cucumber and a couple of eggs came out exactly as I'd planned at least in one of the offerings one of them was also a cucumber egg which was kind of I don't know a nerfing really but more of often than not as usual you won't get what you want and it's just a frustrating exercise at this point I decided you know what I'd rather H myself into the nearest thresher than waste another precious moment of existence doing this you can also get your voice recordings Etc transcribed although this is just as shunky here on the iPhone 16 e as with most other phones that's possibly down to my general northernness however so I will let this one slide one of the best apple intell features by which I mean one of the only ones that isn't complete bollocks is hidden away in the Safari browser you still got the reader mode which is a bit of a cracker just eliminating all of the ads and annoying Chief and just leaving you with the actual article itself and this now includes a respectable stab at summarizing every web page on demand the results can be rather cursory at times missing large amounts of important info but it's still surprisingly unack and then of course you got the AI photo editing tool such as cleanup which can allow you to remove any background Shenanigans going on any other people lurking in your photo ruining the atmos so let's try getting rid of these two dudes yeah it's kind of bky but it's not terrible as for the much hyped visual intelligence well this is essentially just Google Lens except almost a decade later and total trouser and pointed at something and you might get a popup explaining what it is but only if it's something simple like an animal or a plant and even then Apple intelligence usually just shrugs its shoulders in a non-committal way I don't know might be that whatever man in all the adverts they just a this thing at a restaurant and they can immediately pull up menus and make a reservation there all kinds of happy fun times I've tried pointing this thing at pubs restaurants shops everything I come across sweet aate so almost always your options are basically to ask chat GPT about whatever it is you've spotted or just perform a Google image search which is usually pretty good because it's Google not Apple so where actually is the Apple intelligence here honestly I reckon someone might have lobotomized this thing before I took it out of theing box and then oh boy then there's Siri which has now been upgraded with apple intelligence apparently which frankly is like trying to make a rock smarter by repeatedly beating it with a dictionary where's my nearest test go sorry something went wrong what can you actually do hello hello hey hello sorry something went wrong find me other films by Sha Baker on Netflix okay this is this is just on Apple TV you massive liar Jesus Christ uh no it was it it wasn't even a question mate open up the camera app and take a selfie of me to record how absolutely thrilled my face looks right now yeah banging and you know the likes of Gemini aren't perfect but at least chatting with it feels like you're having a conversation with a reasonably rational adult well speaking with Siri feels like arguing with a petulent child so in summary kitties Siri and apple intelligence can get right in a pit and then you can fill that pit with acid and also H in some acid proof dynamite and some acid and dynamite proof Lions which you might possibly have to grow in some sort of special lab oh Christ I feel like I've been talking about the iPhone 16 e for years now so let's have a brief intermission your uncle spur needs to refuel oh God okay we're going to get through this so next up let's chat about the iPhone 16 super retina xdr OLED display and of course the iPhone 16 haralds the witless return of that fugly scrotum Notch dangling right there into view a reprisal that's about as welcome as the resurrection of Jimmy savl as a fro and sex pest robot it is slightly dimmer than the standard model but still bright enough to use Outdoors no worries although it's usually far too bright in the mornings when I first scrape the gunk out of my eyes despite the fact that I've got auto brightness enabled those visuals are pin sharp and rather Punchy but the deal breaker for me is absolutely the 60 HZ refresh even to my degraded old eyeballs which were absolutely worn out after 2 and a half Decades of Internet abuse this thing is just horrendously Judy I mean I'm so used to Silky Smooth 120 HZ Refresh on even the most basic 100b Android phones so skimming through this UI and just apps in general feels like you're flicking your way through trle thankfully the stereo speakers are actually fine that's it no snark or negativity they're actually perfectly okay a little bit distorted when you bump the volume right up but nothing that makes the vein in my temples throb unaware I completely forgot to mention the ticking see one evening for seemingly bugger all reason the earpiece speaker here on the iPhone 16 AG you started making this really loud ticking sound I honestly thought this phone was just going to suddenly explode which frankly would have come as something of a relief even if it had been wedged in my Pan's pocket at the time i' have happily put up with some roasted nuts to dodge I'm to do this review and be a small price appear especially compared to the actual price that I appeared for this bloody thing and now let's prance our way merrily onto the subject of performance and the iPhone 16e is powered by a slightly stripped back four core version of Apple's a18 chipset but of course even if this chunkster had a Snapdragon e toite stuffed inside it would still feel slower than an elderly sloth that's had its knees kicked in all because of that antic 60 HZ display all the same I was expecting the iPhone 16e to effortlessly blaze through games like genjin impact after all of Apple's future proof your Fast wibbling And yet on the higher Graphics settings the game was surprisingly jery I mean it never descended into a weir fut tastic slideshot but as soon as a few NPCs popped up together that frame rate regularly dipped below 30 frames per second I'm not really entirely sure why the phone got a little bit hot but not too toasty but anyway yeah that's another of this phone's key selling points that apparently turns out to be a hot bag of broken promises bit of a bizarre one that' be interesting to hear from any other 16e owners if they've had a similar sort of experience as well and of course the 16e notable for the fact that Apple has slapped its own C1 modem I believe it's called in here and I found the connectivity has been fine here on the iPhone 16e the last couple of weeks there's Bug roll support for millimeter wave 5G but then more often than not you're stuck on good old sub six anyway can be quite lethargic when I Venture into Central London but then that's not massively rare anyway and this thing Peaks at WiFi six there's Bug roll Wi-Fi 7 support and likewise no Ultra wideband support on this thing either which most people probably won't even notice unless you want to use good old Air tags which case now as usual there's buger all mention of V actual battery capacity on Apple's web page although if you like you can compare the alleged battery life of the iPhone 16e with other iPhones on Apple's website as long as you don't want to compare with anything beyond the iPhone 12 or the iPhone se3 that is not at all suspect that but the fact is the battery life for the iPhone 16e is actually really really good in fact it's absolutely the highlight of this thing there may be an overpriced antique but hey at least it won't feel on you before you're all tucked up with Teddy at night so after a reasonably long day with a fair bit of camera play plenty of audio streaming on Spotify etc etc usually around 6 to 7 hours of screen on time in total I've usually still got at least a third of that battery life left in the tank although yes of course this is massively helped by simple features like always on display not actually being there unfortunately when it comes to the charging Shenanigans well news not quite so cheery the iPhone 16e supports slow as Falls 20 W wired charging so just like Samsung's Galaxy s25 even though the capacity probably isn't huge it'll still take well over an hour to power this thing back up again when it's drained there's certainly no point in bunging a cable in it for 5 minutes to do an emergency charge before you dash out the door you might as well shove it down the front of your trousers and dance the Macarena for all the good it'll do you and yeah wireless charging 7.5 wats so tediously slow and of course there's absolutely SLE support for mag safe which has been a major headline these past couple of weeks but hey at least the buggers didn't bring back good old lightning along with that God awful Notch thing that's something because the sodn EU won't let them now it's a good old modern bit of USB action instead USB 2 that is and according to Apple the iPhone 16 e comes with a camera so Advanced it's like getting two in one but you don't you just get the one it's nothing like having two cameras it's like having precisely One camera which is what it is and it's merely fine and personally I got to say I don't really miss the ultra wide it's something I on the occasionally play around with anyway considerably more useful would be an actual proper portrait shooter with proper optical zoom or just a telephoto Snapper in general which you do get on a lot of Androids of this sort of price point and of course Apple will try and fool you into thinking that the iPhone 16 e has has a proper telepo type ability with all of its Swagger chat about two times optical zoom when all it's merely doing is cropping into the image like what any other phone can do you'll also notice a complete lack of a dedicated camera button here on the edge of the iPhone 16e just like with the regular iPhone 16 and personally for me that is a plus point cuz on the iPhone 16 Pro Max that button was about as helpful as a Duncan Donuts in a diabetes cck clinic but how does the single 48 megapix shooter fair in 2025 well it is fine as a simple point and shoot effort on par with stuff like the Galaxy a56 and the nothing phone 3A you'll get the usual applified photos spaffed out with the brightness boosted to retina singen levels so everything is nicely saturated detail levels are usually pretty good even in more ambient conditions while the iPhone 16e doesn't drop a bollock in the evenings although as usual any nighttime scenarios with strong contrast will result in flaring and extreme saturation you've got the obligatory portrait Shenanigans stuffed on here which usually work well despite the single sensor setup although if your subject dares to move with or without portrait mode the chances are they will be blurrier than my vision after 12 pints of swore figure not your bog standard swar figure of course oh no I'm talking about SW figure jizer the choice of sophisticated substance abusers the iPhone 16e can also record 4K resolution video with Dolby Vision support and my test footage from the past few weeks all looks rather lovely you got pretty sharp visuals respectable stabilization the audio pickup is fine as well a little bit muted when you're facing the screen but nothing to really mourn about at all here so isn't that lovely a nice positive finish to a review which has probably taken about 5 years off of my life span oh and of course yes you've got a selfie camera up front which is again perfectly fine and with the iPhone's front facing camera you can shoot 4K footage at up to 30 frames per second really advanced stuff for a 600 smartphone where the bloody hell am I and there you have it my lovelies we did it the iPhone 16 review in the bag don't have to touch another one of these bloody things for another few months and yes on the whole got to say pretty negative thoughts and feel feelings towards this thing but the most damning review of the iPhone 16e is probably all of those Americans who say hey you know what this is the iPhone that you give to your mom basically suggesting that the daff doery won't know any better about all the many deficiencies of this thing because you know she's old as you know I'm sure that some people will still buy it saying you know the usual excuse is oh I know I know it's not great but you know I've got to have an iPhone absolutely so used to having an iPhone which to me is kind of like saying oh I know it's a little bit awkward but I've just absolutely got to live in a house that's on fire I'm just so used to living in a house that's constantly burning all around me I mean just maybe just for once just try living in a house that isn't on fire see what you reckon you might like it oh but it's just hassle isn't it and you know if I was living in a house that wasn't on fire I'd probably just feel a bit cold but anyway the main takeaway here is definitely do do not buy the iPhone 16 e under any circumstances and also apparently all Americans hit their mothers if I had to sum it up in high coup form it would be rather stick my knob inside aing wasp's nest than my Sim in this but what about you kitties have you had the iPhone 16e stashed in your shorts handbag whatever well definitely let us know what you reckon are you regretting your decision to purchase this thing or are you you a bit in the head now definitely let us know in the comments below and would you like me to compare the iPhone 16 e to any actually good phones well again just taply tap down below and uh maybe I'll I'll do another video on this sucker and please do poke subscribe and ding that notifications bell all the usual YouTube Guff and thank you for joining me on this I don't even know how to describe this just absolute show I guess and have yourselves a bloody wonderful rest of the week cheers everyone love you [Music] [Music]