now one of the ways that we cope when children are traumatized one of the ways that they cope with it is to soo themselves and then that's where addictions come in but another way to cope would be is if you get the message that you're not good enough that you are not worthy enough then you might spend the rest of your life trying to prove that you are and how do you do that by being very nice to everybody by never saying how you feel cuz they might not like many of us struggle with Dee rooted issues that we can't seem to overcome this pain affects our relationships our work and our overall well-being in today's video Dr Gabor M will explore why trauma hurts us so deeply and offer his guide to Healing stay with us to uncover a powerful Revelation that could change the way you understand your past and heal your present I've found Dr Dr mat's work incredibly insightful in my own Journey his perspective on trauma has helped me understand the deeper layers of my own experiences and those of people around me addressing trauma is not just about healing past wounds it's about Transforming Our Lives and relationships Dr mat's approach offers a compassionate and comprehensive way to understand and address these deep-seated issues really an honor to be here and especially um I'll be quoting this morning from ah Alama s Hamid Ali that all many of you saw yesterday and and uh he's certainly my greatest teacher although I've never met him and never seen him live but uh I've been much informed by his teachings the subject I'm addressing this morning is um illness and what creates illness and as a Western Medical Doctor uh I was programmed really to see illness as a separate category distinct from health and to see it on see it in purely physical terms so if somebody gets cancer somebody gets R arthritis multiple sclerosis ALS Cron's disease chronic fatigue falia chronic asthma chronic psorasis whatever it is that's just a physical event in the body with no relationship to our emotions and furthermore the individual illness in a person is seen as separate from that person's life in a certain environment so we separate the Mind from the body in Western medicine and we separate the individual from the environment now what's wrong with that quite apart from the fact that it's not valid it's also not even scientific in today's um scientific uh sense in that the research that shows that these separations are invalid has been done and published and it gets deeper and more Pro prates more regularly and yet the insights of the science do not penetrate Medical Practice the Buddha 2500 years ago said it best as he said many things best he talked about what he called the interconnected core rising of phenomena and basically he said that nothing exists on its own he said when you look at a leaf or a raindrop meditate on the conditions near and distant that contributed to the presence of that Leal raindrop know that the world you know and obviously in the leaf when the Raindrop there's the sky there's the uh irrigation from the from the clouds there's the sun without the life of which there could be no life there's the Earth the minerals the nutrition that goes into making that leaf so he said when you look at the leaf you see the whole world and he says um this is because that is that is not because this is not this is born because that is born this dies and because that dies the birth and death of any phenomenon are connected to the birth and death of all other phenomenon the one contains the many the many contains the one now in modern scientific terms that could be called a bioc psychosocial approach and to to give it its full name it really might be called a biocycle spiritual approach and what does that mean it means really according to the North American Native medicine wheel human beings have their spiritual physical emotional and intellectual uh dimensions and by separating these from another you can't understand what happens to human beings so let me give you three examples in terms of health of what might be termed the biocycle social approach so we know for example from multiple studies that children whose parents are stressed are much more likely to have asthma so in polluted areas where there is significant irritation of the Airways where asthma is more common it is the children whose parents are most stressed who are most likely to have asthma and you say well what's the connection between a parent stress and the child's lung functioning and the uh the connection is actually straightforward and physiologically utterly simple but it's highly unusual for anybody to go to the doctor with asthma and be asked anything about their childhoods or their relationship with their parents or how they relate to themselves now how do we treat asthma we treat it with basically two medications combined in an inh ER or separate inhalers or we inject them into people if they're severely asmatic and one medication is designed to open up the narrow the Airways the other is to suppress the inflammation of the Airways now the medication that opens up the airway the Bronco dilator is actually a copy of adrenaline or it's adrenaline directly the medication that suppressed the inflammation or which um which is either a copy of cortisol or is cortisol directly in other words we're giving cortisol ol and adrenaline to make the child's lung function normally now what are adrenaline and cortisol does anybody here know what they are they're the stress hormones so they are the hormones manufactured by our adrenal gland adrenal renal kidney adrenal top of the kidney the adrenal gland makes two and I know I'm speaking fast cuz I only got 40 minutes I have a lot to tell you but I hope I'm getting across here the adrenal gland makes two hormones one is named after it adrenaline and the adrenal gland likes the brain is a cortex cortex means bark like the bark of a tree so that makes a hormone named after it called cortisol adrenaline if you're threatened and stressed will increase your heart rate send more oxygen to your brain and your muscles make your muscles stronger so you can fight and Escape cortisol will elevate your blood sugar so you have more energy for the fight or flight response that's the stress response in the short term that's what they do what's the connection the connection is that when parents are stressed kids are stressed because the emotional stresses of the parents invariably and inevitably affect the child and there's a quote from almus that illustrates that very beautifully and he says the infant the child is very open and can feel the pain and suffering going on in its immediate environment the child is aware of its own body and can also feel the tension and rigidity and pain in the body of the mother or of anyone else he's with if the mother's suffering the baby suffers too the pain never gets discharged the organism does not develop the confidence that it can regulate itself that things will happen the way they should so when parents are chronically stressed so are children especially very sensitive children and that means that their adrenal gland is working over time time they're releasing cortisol and adrenaline higher than normal or healthy quantities their adrenal system gets exhausted and now we have to give them extra stres hormones to keep their lungs open and uninflamed bioc psychosocial the psychological and social relationships with the parents program the biology of the child and of course if you ask why are the parents stressed well that's a social thing parents is stressed because of economic insecurity because of War racism or or because of issues unresolved from their own childhoods but any number of things can stress the parents which then have an effect on a child now another example of what may be called a bioc psychosocial perspective in other words illustrating the utter impossibility inv validity of separating mind from body and the individual from the environment women with breast lumps 500 in a study in Australia they were bi up seed because they had a lump that was suspicious for malignancy before before the results came back the women underwent a psychological interview when the results were collated it turns out that if a woman was emotionally isolated that by itself did not increase the chance of their lumping cancerous similarly if a woman was stressed that has zero effect on whether the lump was cancerous or not but if a woman was emotionally isolated and stressed the risk of that lumping cancers was nine times as great as the average now the researchers Western train scientists and medical doctors couldn't figure this one out because they said how does zero and zero add up to nine but if you understand the bioy social nature of human beings it's straight obvious because here's the thing if you're stressed experience some upset or or threat your your adrenaline and cortisol levels are going to be high in order to help you deal with the stress in the short term that's positive but let me you a quote from a an article published in the journal Pediatrics which is the official Journal of the American Pediatric Association this journal was uh this article was published it's from the Harvard Center on the developing child and this article was published two years ago and if only the medical profession understood the implications of this article in a major medical journal Medical Practice would be totally different and here's what they say addressing trauma is not just about healing past wounds it's about Transforming Our Lives and relationships Dr Gabor mat's approach offers a compassionate and comprehensive way to understand and address these deep-seated issues Dr Gabor mate's insights into how early childhood experiences shape our emotional health are profound one way to build on this understanding is to look at how these early experiences also influence our stress responses as adults for instance a child who grows up in a high stress environment May develop a heightened fight ORF flight response which can affect their ability to handle stress later in life this can manifest in chronic anxiety or difficulty managing emotions understanding this connection can help us develop more effective stress management techniques tailored to our unique histories an example of this is seen in children who experience parental divorce Studies have shown that these children often develop heightened stress responses that persist into adulthood this can manifest in chronic anxiety or difficulty forming stable [Music] relationships growing growing scientific evidence demonstrates that social and physical environments that threaten human development because of scarcity stress or instability can lead to short-term physiologic and psychological adjustments that are necessary for immediate survival and adapt ation but which may come at a significant cost to long-term outcomes in learning Behavior Health and Longevity in other words the adaptations that a child makes to endure stress in the short term help him survive and in the long term make him sick now if you look at how that works in terms of the stress hormones they've had their value in the acute threat situation flight or fight in the long term what do the devel do it elevates the blood pressure it Narrows your blood vessels it increases the risk it makes you nervous anxious and increases the risk of heart disease and strokes shortterm adaptation longterm illness cortisol in the shortterm gives you more sugar so you can fight back or Escape in the long term it thins your bones you osteoporosis makes you depressed put fats on your belly so that your risk of heart disease goes up ulcerates your intestines and suppresses your immune system now let's go back to that Australian study let's say you have a woman who stressed something happened somebody hurt her or she lost a job or something occurred but she's not emotionally isolated so she's sitting there upset and stressed and her hormone levels are high but somebody a friend a trusted companion comes over and says hey I see that you're upset do you want to talk about it what happens to her physiology in a split second the stress levels Abate the body body changes in a minute the heart rate goes down she takes a deeper breath gets more oxygen the cortisol levels go down but the woman who stressed and isolated remains Under Siege by her stress hormones for a long time including the suppression of the immune system no wonder then that the women who are isolated and stressed are more likely to have malignant transformation in that lump which is to say that cancer is not the disease of an individual cancer in a person reflect a whole set of psychological and social relationships throughout the lifetime it's only the end point of something that's been going on for a long long time and as somebody very astutely said trying to and this is why we're not finding the cure for cancer because we're not looking where we need to as somebody really astutely said a British researcher he said that um thanks he said they're trying to find the cause of cancer by studying the individual cell is like trying to understand the traffic jam by studying the internal combustion engine now one one more example one more example at the end of life we know that couples been together for a long time one of them is hospitalized the other one has a significantly risk of dying and the British study just 3 weeks ago showed that when um an an elderly person is bered their partner dies you find measurable delerious changes in the hormonal apparatus and immune systems in other words the immune system the nervous system the cardiovascular system of the one is modulated by the psychological relationship so in understanding illness then we have to look at this Mind Body unity and we have to look at the relationship of that individual to their psychological social environment so in um in my years of Family Practice ice and then for S years I was medical coordinator of the pallative Care Unit at Vancouver Hospital which is to say we looked at terminally ill people I found that who got sick and who didn't was at all not at all accidental that that there were certain patterns that I inevitably I had to be aware of and all the people that got sick with chronic illness whether that be again cancer autoimmune disease neurological disorders like ALS Ms Parkinson and so on what these patterns were and I'm telling you which may sound dogmatic but I've been at the game long enough to be convinced of this that there are no exceptions I'm going to read you some newspaper clippings that illustrate who's illness prone and I'll then I'll tell you why the first is an article these are all articles from the global male newspaper which is Canada's national paper and I wrote a medical calling for them for a couple years it's by a woman the first article is by a woman who's diagnosed with breast cancer her name is Donna her doctor's name is Harold and her husband is called hi and hi's first wife died of breast cancer and now Donna the second wife is diagnosed with the same condition and Donna writes in his first person account over her visit to the doctor's office Herold tells me that the lump is small and most assuredly not in my lymph nodes unlike that of he's first wife whose cancer had spread Everywhere by the time they found it you're not going to die he reassures me but I'm worried about high I say I won't have the strength to support him now what do you notice she's the one diagnosed with a potentially fatal illness will have to go through chemo radiation possibly surgery and her first thought is how will I support my husband emotionally so there's automatic and compulsive regard for the emotional needs of others while ignoring your own is a major risk factor for disease major risk factor the others that I will read you are actually obituaries from the same newspaper and obituaries are fascinating because they tell us not just about the person who died but also about what we value in one another unwittingly and what we value in one another is exactly what kills us you've heard the you've heard the expression the Good Die Young half of you are breathing easily right now and you're not [Applause] worried so this obituary is uh about a physician died age 55 of cancer never for a day that he contemplate giving up the work he so loved at Toronto sick children's hospital he carried on his he carried on with his duties throughout his year-long battle with cancer stopping only a few days before he died so what would you say to a friend of yours diagnosed with cancer go back to work tomorrow and all the while that you're getting treatment ignore that ignore your needs don't think at all about your life and just keep working till you drop so this automatic and rigid identification with Duty role and responsibility rather than the needs of the self is the second major risk factor for chronic illness the next one is written by a husband who is writing this with gratitude about his wife who died age 55 of breast cancer in her entire life she never G to a fight with anyone the wor she could say was fuy or something else along those lines she had no ego she just Blended in with the environment in an unassuming manner now I'm sure that like me many of you who have Partners spouses sometimes you wish that they would blend in with the [Applause] environment in an unassuming manner but they won't do that if they want to stay healthy because the suppression of the so-called negative emotions particularly anger actually suppresses the immune system and finally this obituary which is almost beyond belief but it's real this is a physician who died age 72 of cancer Sydney and his mother had an incredibly special relationship a bond that was apparent in all aspects of their lives until her death as a married man with young children Sydney made a point to have dinner with his parents every day as his wife Roslin and their four young kids waited for him at home never wanting to disappoint either woman in his life Sydney would walk in greeted by yet another dinner to eat and to enjoy until gradual weight came began to raise suspicions this man suffered from two fatal beliefs one is that he's responsible for other people feel and secondly that he must never disappoint anybody so there's four these four Factor this automatic concern for the emotional needs of others ignoring your own compulsive and rigid identification with Duty role and responsibility rather than the authentic self um suppression of so-called negative emotions repression of them and finally the belief that you're responsible for other people feel and that you must never never disappoint anybody so you never say no these are the significant risk factors that are present in C of chronic illness and they're quite capable of killing you for reasons that I'll explain shortly but before I do let's explain why people behave in these ways are we blaming the patient for the disease we're not blaming the patient for the disease because these are not deliberate consciously chosen patterns remember that Harvard article I quoted to you adaptations that help you survive the immediate uh stress in childhood become source of pathology later on these are all adaptations nobody chooses to believe behave in these ways and I can give you a personal example so I um when I was 54 so I had orthoscopic surgery on one of my knees I had a bit of a tear in a cartilage so that afternoon I had a bit of a limp and I'm visiting my mother who there's a genetic disease in our family called muscular distrophy which means that if you have the gene you'll have the disease but by the way most diseases are not like that and there are very few diseases genetically determined U even in the case of breast cancer uh there is the breast cancer gene or or several breast cancer genes but out of 100 women with breast cancer only seven will have the gene the gene is not the major cause of breast cancer muscle distrophy yes if you have the gene rare but you're likely to have the disease so my mother had it s age 78 she could no longer get out of bed she could barely feed herself mentally she was very strong recognizing these patterns in our Behavior allows us to approach our healing Journey with greater empathy and patience for ourselves it also empowers us to seek out specific therapies and practices that address these deep-seated responses for example mindfulness based stress reduction mbsr can be a valuable tool in helping individuals become more aware of their stress triggers and develop healthier responses additionally cognitive behavioral therapy CBT can assist in identifying and changing negative thought patterns that contribute to Stress and Anxiety Dr Gabor mate's insights remind us that our childhood experiences leave lasting imprints on our emotional and psychological Health recognizing these imprints allows us to take a compassionate approach towards ourselves and others acknowledging that our reactions and behaviors are often shaped by past traumas and how does it become a source of physical pathology well because we have another need we have the need for attachment that's clear but another need and that is Need for authenticity authenticity is the sense of being ourselves and knowing who we are and what we feel no that's not a a new age abstract psychological spiritual uh woohoo need it's actually a survival need because to be authentic is to be in touch with your body and your God feeling and in the long period of evolutionary development living in a state of nature am missst all kinds of nature dangers how long exactly would a human being survive if they were not in touch with their God feelings they wouldn't so that the the the authenticity is as as powerful as the attachment need in the long term but what happens to a child where the authenticity threatens attachment and what do I mean by that let's say say that uh as a 1 and a/ halfy old 2-year-old um your child is angry at you and by the way if you have a one and a half and 2-year-old and they're never angry with you you're not doing your job because they can't have five cookies before dinner and they can't climb on the table to play with that shiny knife so they're going to get frustrated so they're going to throw a tantrum which is what they do but how what about if you go up in a home where there was a razah holic father and the very hint of anger threatens you unconsciously so you give the message to the child that good little kids don't get angry in other words good little kids who get angry are not good they're not acceptable to the parent well guess what if that message is driven home powerful enough the child would repress the anger in order to maintain the attachment relationship pure adaptation but in the long term that repression of the authentic self is in the case as I mentioned is what leads to disease so this is the please love me syndrome love me at any cost the child when it comes to attachment versus authenticity has absolutely no choice in the matter because without attachment they can't survive treat me like a fool treat me me and cool but love me that's not love just let me stay attached to you at any cost now the problem is that once you make the choice although it's no choice at all to go for attachment then we spend the rest of our lives living that out and we spend the rest of our lives suppressing our authenticity now how does that lead to Wellness well it leads to illness for the very simple reason is you can't separate the Mind from the body and we now know scientifically that there's no basis for those separations so it's not that there's a nervous system and an immune system and a hormonal apparatus in a cardiovascular system and an emotional system it's all part and parcel of the same system there is a science that's I would say it's new but it's only relatively new it's been around for a few decades now it's called sa neuro psychon neuroimmunology that studies the connections and the unity of the emotional system the immune system the hormonal apparatus and the nervous system it turns out there aren't separate systems it's just one to say that they even connected is is kind of false cuz you connect two things that are discrete but these are not discrete systems they're just the differentiated functioning of the same super system so it turns out that the nervous system wires them all together like a giant electrical grid it connects the bone marrow to the brain it sends messages from the bone marrow to the brain from the brain to the bone marrow where are immune and red cells are manufactured from the thus gland in the neck where the white cells are stored to the brain and vice versa the gut to the brain the heart to the brain brain to the heart the heart itself is a nervous system it's like a second brain in a sense it has certain predictive capacities uh especially for negative things when you say I knew in my heart you did and that's connected to the brain up here then they all secrete messenger substances into the circulation and they talk to one another biochemically so that the um the immune cells the white cells in your circulation have um the capacity to manufacture every hormone that the brain manufactures and so the immune system is talking to the brain and the brain is talking to the immune system the immune system has been called a floating brain it's got learning capacity reactive capacity and memory just like the brain does then there's the God brain connection I'm going to ask you this question and ask for a show of hands please if you've had the following experience please put your hand up that you've had a powerful gut feeling about something you ignored it and you were sorry afterwards okay now let me ask for the obverse those of you that have a powerful gut feeling you ignored it and you're grateful afterwards but you hand up now you see how much more the the majority has it is with the gut now I would even argue had I had time with those of you that just put your hand up that what you had was not a gut feeling at all it was just a strong emotion and sometimes it's hard to tell the difference but there's a difference you know a gut feeling um is there something calm and knowing about it there's no agitation about it but nevertheless even if I take your word for it it's still like you know 30 to1 so why is the gut so much more intelligent than your thoughts in other words when you went with your thoughts you were wrong if you attention God feelings you're right well the gut sends many more messages to the brain than come the other way if you've ever been treated for depression like I have with say Prozac which elevates serotonin levels the gut has more seratonin than the brain does the mood chemical the god receives messages from the whole brain and it magnifies them and sends them back up so that when you are listening to God's feelings you're getting the whole picture your intellect your thoughts are only a very small part of your uh of your um evaluative apparatus and emotions came much before we had thought necessarily because without strong God's feelings again we just didn't survive now there's a group of people called aphasiacs who can't process words because they had a stroke in that but of the brain aphasiacs have been shown in a number of studies to be much more astute at knowing when somebody's a liar than people who understand language why do you suppose that is because they taken the whole picture the body language the tone of voice the facial expression the congruence of body language tone and facial expression and that's a much more significant markers of Truth than the words are if a if aphasiacs voted no politician would ever get elected but there's another large group of people but there's another large group of people who I mean if you look you know that may seem like sort of a a knock on politicians but let me tell you um it was a very interesting Phenomenon with with President George George Bush Jr if you ever I don't know if you ever had this experience but if you ever turned off the sound on the television and it was speaking what Would You observe very nervous and scared little kid and this guy was the most powerful man in the world so they say scared little kid now there's another large group of human beings who are perfectly capable of uniring reading and reacting to the God feelings and what do we call those people what we call them children children we call them babies okay no one day old baby is disconnected from the God feelings when you put your hand up and I asked you how many of you had the experience of ignoring and then regretting not having paid attention to God feelings you were telling me the story of your childhood the story of your childhood was that when you you were born pristine and authentic completely in touch with yourself and then you learned that in order to stay attached to your environment you have to suppress that part of yourself so so so the suppression itself became associated with survival no wonder you're afraid to be authentic because there's something in you says if I'm authentic I won't be loved anymore and if I'm not loved I won't survive then we keep choosing attachment or authenticity and then we get sick and then we get sick Dr Gaber mate emphasizes the importance of compassion in the healing process adding to this it's crucial to understand that compassion not only helps us heal emotionally but also has tangible benefits for our physical health research shows that self compassion practices can reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol and increase heart rate variability which is an indicator of a healthy stress response by practicing self-compassion we can improve our overall health and well-being making it a powerful tool in our healing Arsenal integrating self-compassion into daily routines such as through mindfulness or gentle selft talk can create a nurturing environment for healing this small shift can have a profound impact on our mental and physical health moreover engaging in self-compassion exercises such as writing a letter to oneself from the perspective of a compassionate friend can foster a deeper sense of self-acceptance and emotional resilience these practices not only alleviate stress but also promote a more balanced and fulfilling life a practical exercise to enhance self-compassion is the self-compassion break when you encounter a difficult situation take a moment to acknowledge your suffering remind yourself that suffering is a part of the human experience and offer yourself words of kindness and support let me give you an example um I just need um a volunteer okay so I mentioned that the suppression of anger suppresses the immune system so you going to volunteer thanks no you need to stay where you are what's your name Judith Judith okay so uh there's one one rule here only Judith okay which is that the chair that you're sitting in is your life so you can't leave it okay for this experiment after the talk you can leave or even or even before the talk but not for this experiment okay so the question I'm going to ask you is are you okay with the distance between you and I right now if I spoke from here for the rest of the morning is that okay with you yeah okay now I'm going to stand here and ask you the same question is it still okay with you if I lecture from here how about right now yeah you still okay with you okay what about right now it's getting a little tight it's getting a little tight it's okay it's still okay it's still okay all right I'm going to put a knee on your knee no how's that now feels good it feels good I'm going to stand on your knee in a minute no you're not no you're not okay okay how would how would that feel to you I wouldn't like it you wouldn't like it what would you do about it I'd have to push you off okay right and as you were pushing what emotion do you think you'd be generating fear and anger anger the fear would come first yes then the anger yes so in other words the anger is not a negative emotion it's a healthy boundary defense anger healthy anger simply says you're in my space get out that's healthy anger there's unhealthy anger but that's different healthy anger says you're in my space healthy anger is in the present it's not about the past and the future just it's a boundary defense you're in my space get out that's it now if you look at the role of emotions in general what is their job now in another situation with another person you actually might invite them closer perhaps you know some people in your life in some situations you would make closer so the role of emotions is to tell you what you want more of and being closer to you allow in to your space and to keep out the unwelcome and the potentially dangerous that's s of the emotion inviting the nourishing the healthy the welcome keep out the dangersous threatening unwelcome what is the role of the immune system it's exactly the same thing the immune system and the emotional system do exactly the same thing because of the unity that I've mentioned to you when you suppress the one you're suppressing the other and that's why the repression of healthy anger is a significant risk factor for for cancer because the immune system is suppressed now on the other hand what else can happen if let's say you repress anger you're one of these really nice people and you're always helping people you never say no and the book of mind that this talk is based on is entitled when the body says no my contention being is if you don't the body will say it for you I may have said that before so what happens to anger that you don't express does it evaporate go away flight to the Moon where does it turn it turns against you in a form of depression what is the word depression mean it means to push something down it's that simple it was an adaptation depression begins as an adaptation you have to push on your feelings to stay attached 30 years later you're taking proac and they tell you you got this genetic disease nonsense in the same way that the anger can turn against you in the form of depression or self-loathing self blame in the same way the immune system can turn against you so that the immune cells and um immune organs that are meant to defend you will not attack you and that's autoimmune disease rheumato arthritis scor Acron colitis fiomia and multiple sclerosis so I'm going to bring this to a close and I sorry I will not have time for questions but I'm happy to hang on afterwards um and talk to people I'm going to close with a quote from my honored teacher s Hamid Ali who says the fundamental thing that happened and the greatest Calamity is not that there was no love or support he's talking about childhood the greater Calamity which was caused by that first Calamity is that you lost the connection to your essence that is much more important than whether your mother or father loved you or not but that's the good news because if the problem was that you were not loved supported recognized honored or if you abused 15 30 50 years ago if that was the problem we're stuck because we can't undo the past but if the problem was that as a result of those events we disconnected from ourselves in order to maintain stay attached ourselves our Essence is still here and we can reconnect we can reconnect so that's the good news and in that sense although we tend to look upon symptoms and illness as enemies to get rid of we talk about the war on cancer the battle against cancer we can look up at it totally differently yeah receive what medical treatment makes sense to you I'm not I'm a physician I'm not against medical treatment or medical advancement but also ask the question what is my buddy saying no to that I didn't say no to what is the meaning of this relapse of my rheumato arthritis what stresses did I impose on myself where didn't I say no and then the illness can actually become your teacher your teacher towards what towards authenticity and let me ask you this final question how many of you know people who have recovered from addiction or some serious illness and some people even who don't recover from a serious illness but it will still say and I've heard this many times I'll still say that addiction that illness was the best thing that ever happened to me how many of you heard such statements many of you have I certainly have in my career as a physician what are people talking about they're talking about that the illness forced me to become authentic it gave me back myself which is what almost calls the precious Pearl Dr Gabor mate discusses the importance of recognizing our childhood experiences building on this it's important to consider how these early experiences influence our attachment styles for example someone with an insecure attachment style May struggle with trust and Intimacy in relationships by identifying these patterns we can work towards developing healthier relationships Studies have shown that individuals with secure attachment Styles tend to have healthier and more satisfying relationships for instance adults who experienced consistent and nurturing care in childhood are more likely to develop trust and Intimacy in their relationships compared to those with insecure attachment histories therapies like attachment-based therapy or engaging in activities that promote secure attachments such as open and honest communication with loved ones can be incredibly beneficial understanding and addressing our attachment Styles can lead to more fulfilling and supportive relationships it's a crucial step in Breaking Free from past patterns and building a healthier future additionally practicing emotional intelligence skills such as recognizing and managing our emotions can enhance our ability to form and maintain healthy relationships attending workshops or support groups focused on relationship skills can provide valuable insights and practical tools for improving our interpersonal connections one practical tip is to practice active listening in your relationships this means fully engaging with the other person paying attention to their words and responding thoughtfully this practice can help build trust and strengthen your connections reflecting on our attachment Styles allows us to understand our relationship Dynamics better it empowers us to make conscious choices in our interactions fostering healthier and more supportive connections with others people with severe addictions um to cocaine to Crystal Meth to to opiates like heroin uh to uh alcohol of course people dying of HIV of hepatitis C and every other disease caused by addictions and in my practice I looked after young families I looked after people of all ages and I'll tell you what I've learned the one thing I've learned I've learned many things but the one thing that I can reduce it to or simplify it to is that virtually everything I ever saw whether it was cancer whether it was multiple sclerosis whether it was depression whether it was addiction whether it was ADHD whether it was colitis REM arthritis you know what it came down to it came down to what happened in people's childhoods in other words the major contributor I don't say the only but the major contributing factor to the onset of illness whether it's mental illness physical illness whether it's addiction whether it's behavior problems it what happens to people in the first few years of life and that may seem like an astonishing statement and H is this guy going to prove it in the 16 minutes that he's got left well let's give it a try in the downtown side which is Vancouver's drug area and not only is it Vancouver's drug area it's also known as North America's most concentrated area of drug use we have more people there using uh injecting substances than any other place in North America in a few Square block radius I can tell you that over a 12E period I didn't meet a single female patient who had not been sexually abused as a child not a single male patient who had not been either physically abused or sexually abused or neglected or abandoned in significant ways and in North America we like to think of addiction is either a choice that people make and if they make that choice then we punish them for it so we build jails where we keep people who use drugs or we see it as a brain disease that's genetically inherited so if we look at the the sad fact that in Canada 30% of the people in our jails are first nation's origin where they only make up four to 5% of the population we explain that by saying that these these poor people genetically are susceptible to addiction so it's either we make it into disease or we make it into a choice neither is true it's not a choice nobody ever chooses to be an addict nor is it something that's inherited we know for example that even people that do inherit some genes that feed exposed to addictions if they're brought up in proper environments they have no more risk of addiction than anybody else so it's not ever the genes that cause the addictions and nobody ever chooses the addiction what actually happens is when people are traumatized that increases their risk of addiction and if you want to know why the First Nations population in this country is is because they're the most traumatized segment of the Canadian population historically I don't suppose I have to tell you about that but the fact that in the Prairie Provinces I'm not sure what the percentage are in Alberta but I know in saskat and manova I know the percentage is high I don't know High it is in in Alberta but most of the kids in care are first nation's origin this is in a population that knew how to look after their kids beautifully that if you look at the parenting practices of First Nations people across the world they're actually Superior to those of industrial societies according to all the research unless they're traumatized Dr Gabor mate explains how unresolved trauma can lead to physical symptoms expanding on this it's valuable to explore specific ways in which trauma manifests in the body such as chronic pain or gastrointestinal issues practices like somatic experiencing which focuses on bodily Sensations to release stored trauma or engaging in regular physical activities like yoga or taii can help alleviate these physical symptoms for example individuals suffering from chronic pain often find relief through somatic experiencing techniques this therapeutic approach helps them release stored trauma by focusing on bodily Sensations and gradually integrating these experiences these practices work by helping the body process and release the trauma held within it in incorporating these body focus therapies into your healing routine can lead to significant improvements in both physical and emotional health providing a holistic approach to trauma recovery additionally exploring complimentary therapies such as acupuncture or massage therapy can further support the body's natural healing processes these therapies can help reduce stress improve circulation and promote a sense of well-being making them valuable components of a comprehensive healing plan in which case the trauma is passed on from one generation to the next so when it comes to addiction then what we're looking at is the impact of childood trauma why because number one if you let's just Define an addiction an addiction is any Behavior substance related or not that an individual pursues because they find pleasure relief or um they crave it temporarily so they pursue it for the pleasure and the relief despite negative consequences and they don't give it up in the face of negative consequences I said any Behavior so that could be sex gambling Eating shopping work relationships or substances and if you ask yourself by that definition have you ever had an addictive pattern in your life if you're like most of the people I speak with if I ask that question many of you you would put your hand up by that definition if you ever had an addictive behavior and then if you ask yourself but what did that behavior give me what did I like about it well you'll tell yourself it relieves stress so when I am very stressed I go home and I eat a lot or uh that I turn on the TV and I V out um or I do drugs or I go shopping and I spend a lot of money I don't I can't afford to spend so in other in other words the addiction serves a purpose it temporary relief stress or it distracts you from emotional pain that you're experiencing or it gives you pleasure that otherwise is not available to you what I'm saying to you is that the addiction is never the primary problem the addiction is always an attempt on the individual's part to solve a problem the problem is why I'm having so much emotional pain and how come I don't know how to deal with emotional pain why is there so much stress in my life and how is it that I can't regulate my stresses without an addictive expression why am I lacking pleasure if you're feeling shy and isolated and it takes a few drinks to loosen your tongue what happened to you that you feel so scared of people in other words the addiction is not the problem the addiction is actually an attempt at a solution the the problem arose because early in childhood You Were Somehow hurt because when people are traumatized number of things happen one is they begin to feel themselves as deficient because children are narcissistic and I don't mean that in a sense of any pajor of implication what I mean by that is they think it's all about them they think everything is about themselves so when good things happen to a child the child will assume hey I must be great cuz look at all these great things that are happening but if bad things happen to a child if the child is yelled at or beaten or sexually abused or told to go to their room when their parents don't like their behavior or the parents are just depressed or unhappy or stressed traumatized in their own life the child thinks these bad things are happening CU I'm a bad person so then you have low self-esteem Dr gabber mate's teachings remind us that our bodies often hold on to trauma manifesting as physical ailments by addressing the root causes and incorporating body focused therapies we can facilitate holistic healing and improve our overall quality of life engage in regular physical activities that promote body awareness and relaxation activities like yoga taichi or even mindful walking can help you connect with your body and release stored tension building a supportive Community is crucial for Recovery as Dr Gabor mate highlights to add to this it's important to actively seek out and engage with communities that resonate with your healing Journey this could involve joining support groups finding online communities or participating in local workshops and events focused on trauma and healing these connections provide not only emotional support but also practical advice and shared experiences that can facilitate your healing process that's the first thing that happen s the second thing that happens is that what we now know and this is a conference on the brain what we now know is that the circuits of the brain are actually shaped by early experiences so that the brain isn't just genetically determined that already in the uterus what's happening to the mother is already affecting the brain circuitry of the child so when the mother is stressed that's affecting the baby's brain and these people that are traumatized in childhood they don't have the conditions for healthy brain development and then they're going to have mental health problems and they're going to have ways of of of compensating for those mental health problems through addictive behaviors so whether we're looking at the low self-esteem whether we're looking at the brain physiology whether we're looking at the spiritual isolation of how alone the addict feels that it all goes back to what happened early in childhood it's just a compensation ation it's not a healthy compensation it creates more problems but where did it begin it began with suffering of the young child now as I said everything I've seen whether it was cancer multiple sclerosis or mental illness or addiction begins with childhood issues well how can cancer begin with childhood issues you ask yourself a Canadian study showed that when children are abused when they grow up to be adults the risk of cancer goes up nearly 50% why because the abuse or the trauma creates coping mechanisms now one of the ways that we cope when children are traumatized one of the ways that they cope with it is to soo themselves and then that's where addictions come in but another way to cope would be is if you get the message that you're not good enough that you are not worthy enough then you might spend the rest of your life trying to prove that you are and how do you do that by being very nice to everybody by never saying how you feel cuz they might not like how you feel by never expressing healthy anger when somebody's crossing your boundaries by working too hard to prove that you're worthwhile that's why I was a workolic doctor cuz I got the message as an infant as a Jewish infant under the Nazis in the Second World War I got the message that the world didn't want me I wasn't good enough enough well then you spend the rest of your life compensating by taking on too much and you're stressing yourself and those stresses have an impact on your physiology they have an impact on your immune system they have an impact on your cardiovascular system on your heart on your nervous system they can cause disease so most diseases that most of my colleagues the Physicians think they're just random arbitrary diseases they're not random arbitrary at all they're they the result of lifestrong stresses that result from a child's attempt to [Music] compensate so typically people with autoimmune diseases like rheumat arthritis or multiple sceris or colitis or chonos disease or for that matter cancer if you look at their lives what you notice about them is they've had great difficulty expressing their emotions because in childhood they were forbidden from doing so so they compensated by suppressing their feelings and they have great difficulty saying no so that when people ask them to do things they automatically say yes and they'll keep doing things even though they they're very stressed by it and then you end up with the body saying no cuz they didn't in the form of illness I know this is I'm not telling you proof because it's too my time with you tonight is too short but what I do can tell you that is scientifically unquestionable is that you cannot separate the Mind from the body so whatever happens emotionally will actually have an impact on your physiology because the brain systems that regulate emotions are part and parcel of the same system that the immune system is a part of the cardiovascular system is a part of the nervous system is a part of and the hormonal apparatus is all part of it as well so whatever happens emotionally also immediately has an impact physiologically and that's why you can't separate people's emotional lives from their physiology you can also not separate people's physiology from their relationships we know for example that children whose parents are stressed are much more likely to have asthma many people find Solace and support in joining local or online support groups these communities provide a safe space to share experiences receive feedback and learn from others who are on similar healing Journeys um actively engaging with a supportive Community can provide the encouragement and accountability needed to sustain your healing efforts it also reminds you that you are not alone in this journey additionally volunteering or participating in community service can foster a sense of connection and purpose further enhancing your emotional well-being building strong social networks through regular interaction and mutual support can significantly improve the quality of your life and contribute to your overall healing process building a supportive Community is about more than just having people around you it's about creating meaningful connections that nurture your growth and well-being this sense of belonging can significantly enhance your resilience and capacity to heal take the initiative to reach out out and engage with communities that resonate with your healing Journey whether it's through online forums local meetups or therapeutic workshops actively participating in these communities can provide a robust support system Dr Gaber mate shares insights on integrating these practices into daily life one practical approach is to establish a daily routine that incorporates both emotional and physical self-care practices for instance starting your day with a mindfulness meditation followed by journaling about your feelings and ending with a physical activity like a walk or yoga session can create a balanced approach to Healing these routines help reinforce the principles Dr Gabor mate discusses and make them a regular part of your life create a daily self-care routine that incorporates both emotional and physical practices start small such as spending 5 minutes in meditation each morning and gradually increase the duration and variety of your practices as they become ingrained in your routine integrating these practices into daily life requires commitment and consistency however the rewards are substantial as these practices not only enhance your immediate well-being but also contribute to long-term emotional and physical health consider the experiences of individuals who have Incorporated mindfulness practices into their daily routines many report feeling more grounded less anxious and more capable of handling life's challenges these practices have proven benefits in improving both mental and physical health self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend this shift in perspective can be transformative fostering a more positive relationship with yourself and reducing the harsh self-criticism that often accompanies trauma and so that the more stressed and depressed the parents are the more medication a child might need for their asthma and why because the child's emotions have an impact on the child's physiology and a parent emotional states have an impact on the child emotions and if you want to look at it more broadly what are we talking about if you're looking at the increasing rate of asthma in North America these days and allergies of all kinds or the increasing rate of ADHD and depression and all that amongst kids what's going on what's going on is that the parents are getting more stressed and therefore the kids are getting more stressed and therefore the kids are getting more sick and it's not a question of the parents not loving their kids it's not a question of blaming parents it's it's not a question of parents not doing their best it's a question is that because of economic circumstances and greater isolation the breakdown of extended families the breakdown of communities all the uncertainties of modern industrial life the parents are more stressed and the more stressed the parents are the more stressed the kids are and many kids are emotionally stressed that also affects their physiology isolation at the end of life number of Studies have shown now that when people are uh emotionally isolated the more likely they get sick and if they get sick they're more likely to die and so for example amongst elderly couples when one of them is hospitalized the other's risk for dying goes up significantly why because our physiology cannot be separated from our emotions and our emotions cannot be separated from our relationships so human relationships are actually necessary to to maintain healthy human life we're social creatures it also means that in a society where kids are growing up increasingly without their parents because their parents are too busy working they have to and where children are more and more uh without that support of the clan and the extended family and the community you're going to get more people growing up in isolation and then we try and compensate for that with our cell phones and our internet which doesn't really do it for us because for real intimacy for real contact you need human connections not mechanical connections and so what we're seeing is a whole set of Dynamics that leave children more hurt and more isolated as a result they have many more problems that they try and compensate for through all kinds of behaviors and the behaviors that lead to physical illness like trying to be super nice and trying to always to suppress yourself and taking on too much stress and the and or the behaviors that try to compensate by soothing yourself through addictions they all come down to what happened earlier in life and I'm just writing an article right now for the throne of star on the recent election and let me finish with just one final comment I don't care what you think about Steven Harper's policies this is not a political talk but one thing I can tell you is that so many people felt uncomfortable with him on the emotional level why did they feel uncomfortable with him because they looked into his eyes and what did they see they saw nothing and people talked about his dead eyes now you know what that tells me that he was a traumatized person because a child's eyes go dead when what they're seeing is too painful and emotionally the brain protects the child by shutting down emotionally and then when you're hurt emotionally then one of the ways you compensate is you want to be controlling and you want to be angry and you want to be powerful and you want to close your eyes to human suffering and to human vulnerability and your eyes go dead and that's not a deliberate decision so here's what I'm saying to you whether you're looking at politics or health or human behavior whether you're looking at education whether they looking at relationships because how we programmed as children shows up in our adult relationships so when I arrive from a speaking trip uh and my wife is not there to pick me at the airport and I have this pain and I have this anger you know what that's about that's about the fact that my mother abandoned me when I was a year old because to save my life she gave me to a stranger that's how it was and that emotional memory of Abandonment is still in here and it shows up with the trivial um trigger of my wife not being there at the airport to pick me up so all this stuff can be worked out but if I can just summarize everything I've tried to tell you the first few years are so important and so if you have children make those three or four five early years the most important years of your life to devote them to your children and if you as an adult are suffering from depression anxiety addiction illness or whatever go back to your childhood and find out how you were hurt and heal that hurt and then you can heal yourself thank you [Music] [Applause] [Music] Dr gabor's teachings highlight the importance of addressing trauma with compassion and mindfulness by understanding our past practicing self-compassion and building supportive communities we can begin the journey towards healing Sim set aside a few minutes each day to write about your experiences and emotions this practice can provide Clarity and insight helping you to understand and release negative patterns over time journaling can become a powerful habit that supports your emotional well-being and personal growth implementing these practices into your daily routine can transform your life it's about creating a holistic approach that addresses both your emotional and physical needs regularly reflecting on your progress and making adjustments to your healing practices can ensure that you stay on the right path remember healing is a journey not a destination and being patient and compassionate with yourself is key journaling about your feelings can help identify and process unresolved trauma it's a simple yet powerful tool for self-reflection and healing in my own journey I have found journaling to be incredibly transformative I began journaling daily a few years ago initially just to track my thoughts and emotions over time this practice evolved into a powerful tool for processing deep-seated traumas and gaining clarity about my inner World by regularly putting my thoughts on paper I was able to identify patterns in my emotional responses and understand the underlying causes of my Stress and Anxiety one significant breakthrough came when I was struggling with feelings of overwhelming sadness and didn't understand why through journaling I traced these feelings back to unresolved issues from my past that I had never fully addressed writing about these experiences allowed me to confront them headon and start the healing process moreover journaling provided a safe space for me to express emotions that I found difficult to talk about with others it became a therapeutic Outlet where I could explore my thoughts without judgment as I continued this practice I noticed a gradual Improvement in my mental health and emotional resilience I felt more in tune with my feelings and more capable of managing life's challenges journaling also help me develop Greater self-compassion by reflecting on my experiences and recognizing my progress I learn to be kinder to myself and appreciate my growth this simple daily habit has had a profound impact on my overall well-being and I highly recommend it to anyone looking to deepen their self-awareness and facilitate their healing Journey so I encourage you to start journaling about your feelings it doesn't have to be elaborate even a few minutes each day can make a significant difference use this time to explore your inner World express your emotions and uncover the insights that will guide you towards healing and self-discovery set aside a few minutes each day to write about your experiences and emotions this practice can provide Clarity and insight helping you to understand and release negative patterns over time journaling can become a powerful habit that supports your emotional well-being and personal growth in our next video we'll look look at practical steps to integrate these healing practices into your daily life we'll explore specific techniques and strategies to help you build a consistent self-care routine manage stress effectively and cultivate a supportive environment these steps will Empower you to take control of your healing journey and Achieve lasting change what part of Dr Gabor mate's discussion resonated with you the most share your thoughts below and don't forget to like And subscribe your feedback is invaluable to us so please let us know what topics you'd like to see covered in future videos we are committed to creating content that supports your healing journey and helps you navigate life's challenges with resilience and compassion