Part One: Your Parenting Legacy

Children Imitate Actions, Not Words

• Children do what we do, not what we say
• Examine our past and its impact on present parenting

Influence of Our Past on Parenting

• Past affects our relationship with our child
• Children can trigger our old feelings
• Important to examine and manage our inner critic
• The past can negatively influence our parenting

Needs of a Child

• Warmth, acceptance, physical touch, presence, love
• Boundaries, understanding, play, soothing experiences
• Our attention and time

Challenges in Parenting

• Life circumstances: child care, money, work, lack of time
• Legacy of our upbringing influences parenting

Recognizing Negative Influences

• Self-awareness of our reactions rooted in our past
• Unpacking and understanding our childhood
• Only keeping the helpful parts from our upbringing

Positive Childhood Blueprint

• Positive childhood experiences create a blueprint for good relationships
• Lack of positive childhood experiences leads to emotional discomfort when reflecting on it

Emotional Reactions to Children

• Children's behavior can trigger our past feelings
• Self-awareness can prevent passing negative feelings to children

Example Story: Tay and Emily

• Tay's anger towards Emily triggered by her own past
• Importance of correcting and understanding our reactions

Strategies to Manage Feelings

• Consider hidden emotions behind strong reactions
• Reactions may come from our past experiences
• Reflect on why we feel certain ways with our children

Apologizing and Repairing Relationships

• Ruptures are inevitable; repairs are crucial
• Apologizing to children helps repair relationships
• Authenticity over perfection in parenting

Example Story: Mark

• Mark's therapy helped him understand his resentment and improve his relationship with his son Toby

Breaking the Cycle

• Avoiding passed-down negativity
• Reflecting on and accepting our feelings

Inner Critic and Self-Talk

• Negative self-talk influences children
• Notice and manage inner critical voice
• Replace negative habits with positive affirmations

Impact of Judgments

• Avoid labeling as good or bad
• Describe and appreciate effort

Key Takeaways

• Examine reactions and inner critic
• Focus on descriptive praise over judgment
• Embrace and adapt to changes in family dynamics
• Restructure arguments to be understanding and empathetic
• Foster goodwill through kindness and attention bids

Environment for Children

• Building a family environment of love, respect, and security
• Influence of close relationships on child development

Part Two Preview: Your Child’s Environment

• Building a nurturing family environment
• Cooperation and communication between parents
• Responding to bids for attention fosters goodwill
• Respect and appreciation over criticism