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Parenting Legacy Lecture
Jul 17, 2024
Part One: Your Parenting Legacy
Children Imitate Actions, Not Words
Children do what we do, not what we say
Examine our past and its impact on present parenting
Influence of Our Past on Parenting
Past affects our relationship with our child
Children can trigger our old feelings
Important to examine and manage our inner critic
The past can negatively influence our parenting
Needs of a Child
Warmth, acceptance, physical touch, presence, love
Boundaries, understanding, play, soothing experiences
Our attention and time
Challenges in Parenting
Life circumstances: child care, money, work, lack of time
Legacy of our upbringing influences parenting
Recognizing Negative Influences
Self-awareness of our reactions rooted in our past
Unpacking and understanding our childhood
Only keeping the helpful parts from our upbringing
Positive Childhood Blueprint
Positive childhood experiences create a blueprint for good relationships
Lack of positive childhood experiences leads to emotional discomfort when reflecting on it
Emotional Reactions to Children
Children's behavior can trigger our past feelings
Self-awareness can prevent passing negative feelings to children
Example Story: Tay and Emily
Tay's anger towards Emily triggered by her own past
Importance of correcting and understanding our reactions
Strategies to Manage Feelings
Consider hidden emotions behind strong reactions
Reactions may come from our past experiences
Reflect on why we feel certain ways with our children
Apologizing and Repairing Relationships
Ruptures are inevitable; repairs are crucial
Apologizing to children helps repair relationships
Authenticity over perfection in parenting
Example Story: Mark
Mark's therapy helped him understand his resentment and improve his relationship with his son Toby
Breaking the Cycle
Avoiding passed-down negativity
Reflecting on and accepting our feelings
Inner Critic and Self-Talk
Negative self-talk influences children
Notice and manage inner critical voice
Replace negative habits with positive affirmations
Impact of Judgments
Avoid labeling as good or bad
Describe and appreciate effort
Key Takeaways
Examine reactions and inner critic
Focus on descriptive praise over judgment
Embrace and adapt to changes in family dynamics
Restructure arguments to be understanding and empathetic
Foster goodwill through kindness and attention bids
Environment for Children
Building a family environment of love, respect, and security
Influence of close relationships on child development
Part Two Preview: Your Child’s Environment
Building a nurturing family environment
Cooperation and communication between parents
Responding to bids for attention fosters goodwill
Respect and appreciation over criticism
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