Overview
In this episode of the Jefferson Fisher Podcast, Jefferson interviews Chris Voss, former FBI negotiator and author of "Never Split the Difference," to explore practical negotiation and communication strategies that can transform everyday conversations both at work and at home.
Introduction & Podcast Details
- Host asks listeners to follow, review, and provide feedback for the podcast.
- Jefferson’s book, "The Next Conversation," is now available, with resources linked in the show notes.
- Listeners can join the Jefferson Fisher School of Communication for further communication training.
Chris Voss Background & Key Concepts
- Chris Voss introduced as an expert negotiator and CEO of the Black Swan Network.
- Explains that negotiation is often misunderstood as a battle, whereas it's influenced by inner voices and fears.
- The importance of distinguishing between gut intuition and fear-driven instinct is emphasized.
The Power of “No” in Negotiation
- Saying "no" creates a sense of safety and control for the speaker, making them more open to further dialogue.
- Children and adults alike instinctively use "no" to assert autonomy.
- Flipping questions to invite "no" (e.g., "Is now a bad time to talk?") is more effective than pushing for agreement.
Practical Phrasing & Techniques
- Begin questions negatively to make "no" a comfortable answer and lower resistance.
- Example: Replace "Do you have a minute?" with "Is now a bad time to talk?"
- Use strong phrases like "You're going to hate me for this…" to diffuse tension and prompt honest responses.
Accusation Audit & Labeling
- An accusation audit involves listing and voicing potential negative assumptions others may hold before they do.
- Labeling is making neutral observations about others’ emotions or behaviors (e.g., "It sounds like you’re frustrated").
- Both techniques encourage correction, prompting people to reveal their true feelings or information.
Communication Style & Tone
- Lowering voice, slowing speech, and using a calm tone fosters comfort and builds trust.
- These techniques, learned from crisis negotiation and therapy methods, help conversations resonate and stick.
Handling Difficult Personalities
- For persistent passive-aggressive individuals, assess whether ongoing engagement is necessary; if not, consider ending the relationship.
- Use labeling and direct observation to address passive-aggressive behaviors constructively.
Mindset & Relationship Building
- Seeking to "win" every conversation pushes people away and limits genuine breakthroughs.
- Collaborative, empathetic strategies lead to stronger relationships and better outcomes.
Decisions
- Adopt “no”-oriented questioning: Shift from yes-seeking to generating “no” for improved dialogue.
- Integrate accusation audits and labeling: Use these techniques to reduce resistance and foster openness.
Action Items
- TBD – All listeners: Practice flipping questions to elicit a “no” in real conversations for better engagement.
- TBD – All listeners: Try labeling emotions or reactions in discussions to encourage honest correction and sharing.
- TBD – All listeners: Experiment with accusation audits in challenging interactions to diffuse tension and prompt dialogue.
Recommendations / Advice
- Use negative-leading questions to make others comfortable and open.
- Apply accusation audits and labeling to clarify underlying emotions and foster mutual understanding.
- Slow down, lower your voice, and use calm tones to strengthen connection and trust.