Mrs. Perry Bernette, can you start off by telling us a little bit about Camp Mdall and then you could just continue from there? Sure. Um, first of all, thank you as for hosting this. It's really very needed and I'm sure it's going to help all the parents on as well as everybody that's going to be lucky enough to be able to watch it after. Um, so I work at Camp Migdal. I'm actually there for 19 years. This is gonna be my 19th summer. Started as a little baby there doing just waitressing and baram. I've been there for almost two decades. So our camp is a an incredible camp for children with special needs. We have children with higher needs, lots of children with medical issues. We have probably about a third of our campers that have non-verbal non-mobile abilities. Another nice chunk that are kids with autism. Many of them that are non-verbal. And then we have children that are verbal, have some behavioral challenges. Lots of kids have seizures, special diets. Um, and it's really, I like to say, a highly specialized camp. We have about 90 campers and double the amount of staff. A little more than double the amount of staff in order for every child to really get what they need. Wow, that's amazing. Um now would you like to tell us about the benefits of the children coming to this camp and how it benefits both the parents and children I for sure yes so um Bluma and Simmyi covered so many great stuff um I have just a few more pointers to add and it's really it's really special being alongside them both shared such amazing perspectives so let's start with who gains from summer camp and let's take a little bit of a comprehensive approach to this. So I always say that I look at it as three-fold. We have the child that gains, the family that gains, and the staff member that gains. So obviously the child gains so much as you heard. I don't want to cheapen anything that anyone said, so I'm just going to gloss over this, but the child obviously gains, you know, their undivided attention and a fun summer and activities and their skills, maintenance of goals and a fan club and all of that. And as we heard about the family, right, the family gains so much. There's respit the way it's meant to be. The parents focus on each other. More attention can be given to the siblings. They can recuperate, re-energize for the year ahead. But I also feel like there are a few more factors that I see. Um, I feel like first of all, often times parents gain new perspectives and ideas from other people that are working with their child. you know, they're working on their child and feeding goals, toileting, or any of that from their perspective, from their school's perspective. They send them to summer camp and sometimes there's a different approach that's taken. It happens a lot. Um, another technical factor is just a lot of parents take the time to focus on tasks or anything, but a big piece that I hear about a lot is that the p the siblings end up viewing their child as a very cool kid that has so many people loving them. And siblings who at first would get annoyed with their with their sibling with special needs, all of a sudden they whether they come to camp on visiting day if their camp offers that or if they see the pictures after camp, they look at their sibling and instead of seeing them in a light of, you know, the sibling that's the tantrummer or the sibling that's wrecking havoc at home, this is the sibling that's now the star of camp. And that mindset, that change of perspective is so huge and is such a great gift that you can give your other children, too. Um, another pointer that I'd like to bring out as both a parent and a camp director is that I feel like a parent has a limited amount of energy that she's able to give to her child, to any child. And when you have a child with special needs that requires so much care, whether it's medical care or physical care or just more emotional energy because they just need a lot more preparedness and a lot more time and energy and effort, there's only so much that's left to just do the regular mundane mommy stuff like sitting and reading a book or sitting on the floor and playing magnetiles. And if you have just an hour to spend with your child, but you're spending 45 minutes with fighting with him, there's only that much left. And I think when it comes to the summer and there is somebody else focused on providing the day-to-day care, the physical care, the medical care, and all you need to do is love your child, that is also tremendous. I could tell you when my kids came to camp with me to Camp MDEL and I had counselors with them, all of a sudden the counselors are taking care of all their unique needs and all I get to do is just love them. I don't have to feed them. I don't have to sit there doing anything else. We could just high-five each other, take pictures together, go swimming together. And there's something really, really beautiful about being able to disconnect from the actual day-to-day tasks and moving towards just love my child. I want to just hear about your day. I have no pressure. It's a pressure. It's not a privilege also. But you know what I mean? You could just focus on the other aspects. So those are additional you know pointers as a family. And now of course the child gains and the family gains. But a third perspective to look at um I happen to very much appreciate tackling from multiple perspectives but I just want to talk for one minute about the staff. Obviously parents, you are making a decision that is right for you, for your child and for your family. And it's not always our job, you know, to help everybody else in the world. We got to focus on ourselves and our children. But let's think for a minute just even to help with that little bit of whether it's guilt or whether it's uncertainty like do I really need to do this? First of all, no one needs to do anything. But once you're doing it, recognize what a great gift you are giving to your staff, the staff members. And I remember hearing this in high school and it came in very handy years later when one of my teachers said, "Girls, who's a balass?" And everyone said, "Oh, a person that does, a person that changes the world or whatever." And she said, "No, a balass is not someone that does. A bal is someone that allows to be done. So anybody that's in a position of course it doesn't feel good to be the taker and there's a time to give and a time to take but a is someone that allows to be done. So just by sharing your children and by allowing other people to work with them and have the opportunity to get to know them, you are doing you're also great as staff members. You're giving them the gift of appreciating themselves, their abilities. We always hear from our staff about the impact it made to them personally, not just in the field of special needs, that they gained experience, but they now learn to appreciate the fact that they can walk, they can talk, they can regulate their bodies without requiring so much support. But we're giving girls that are getting into the, you know, marriageable age the opportunity to learn what it really means to appreciate all the gifts Hashem has given them. We also are giving these girls a great foot into the field of special needs in a very wholesome, positive, and passionate environment. Summer camp is amazing. And instead of, you know, leaving high school, going straight into work, we're actually giving them the opportunity to walk into this field in just a loving, yummy, fun, amazing way. Um, and then also obviously they gain incredible perspective as we said. So now we know who gains from summer camp, the child, the family and the staff. Let's go to move towards the next topic of why overall like why in the world would I send my child to summer camp? So obviously all of you toiled with the idea and you're here because you are either thinking about it or have made the brave and amazing decision to send your child to summer camp. But sometimes you still have these little things like nagging at you like did I make the right decision? Did I not? What am I really gaining? What am I not thinking about? So sometimes understanding the wise a little bit help you come to a little bit more peace with a decision. So let's tackle the wise. So why? First of all, personal reasons. Everybody has personal reasons of why it would work for their family. But the main main reason, and I know that Bluma touched on it, more than touched on it. Bloom explained it very nicely. I'll share, you know, another lens with that. Um, but the question I get very very often is why should I send my kid to camp? I don't send my other kids that are four and a half or five years old and why would I need to do it? I feel so guilty. And my answer is always in camp there are more than 10 people doing your one job as a mother. As amazing as a mother or father, as amazing as a parent that you are, it's just not possible to do what 10 people could do. and they say, "What do you mean I'm so devoted to my child?" Of course you are. And nobody is your child's mother. No one can do what you do. At the same time, in camp, we have a counselor and group leader and teacher and OT, PT, speech therapist, cleaning lady, cook, um, program director, and OD's even just within the day. you're there during the day and then there OD's doing the night shift and then there are people doing the night night shift then the morning shift and there's just so much support and all these people are here for one child yours and they're not balancing laundry and cooking and cleaning and siblings and bills and everything else they have one responsibility and that is your child so that is a huge reason of why should I send my kid to camp because there are so many people there's a group of people rallying around one child and that child is your child. They will do whatever they possibly can. Another reason why people send their kid to summer camp is sometimes it's timing or a temporary decision and it works for one year but it's not necessarily oh this is what I will do. What do I mean by timing? Sometimes there's a family sima. Sometimes they have a vacation plan. They have a trip overseas. And as they're trying to figure out logistics, they're saying, "You know what? Two weeks of this and one week of that, it just doesn't make any sense." Sometimes there are other stressors. They're there's construction going on in the house and the kid can't handle the noise. Sometimes, very often, the first push that a parent has is that there's a new baby on the way. So if parents are, you know, mercen, they have a baby, whether it's June or July, they just can't fathom the thought of having a baby and their kid with special needs and they say, "I'm just sending my kids to camp for one year." But usually what ends up happening is that it's such an amazing experience that they'll continue the trend, but it often starts off with this. Another reason of why you may be sending your kid to camp is and and both Simeia and Bloomer really explained this well, so I'm not going to delve into this deeply because you already heard from the best. um but about the positive outcomes with their personal goals. And on my lens, we have campers that have such high needs, multiple disabilities, but the amount of campers that have become toilet trained um just in an environment where there's so much consistency and not balancing anything else other than your child's goals, whether it's toileting, communication, self-regulation, the ability to handle groups, feeding, therapy, maintenance, independence, swimming, social skills, play, um any of that. there's just the positive outcomes from working on all their personal goals. Um, in general, new opportunities for growth, new opportunities for growth. Um, growth goals just being, you know, for some kids a goal is just to be and enjoy and enjoy an environment that you can just, you know, be free to run. Um, they gain real friendships and real peers. Um, friendships with each other. You can have a child in a wheelchair with non-verbal abilities being alongside another child in a wheelchair with non-verbal abilities. And I can tell you that the connection that those two forge is deeper than anyone could form with words. It's just so special to watch. But the connection is amazing. They often gain a community. They gain a community of support. They gain a whole slew of possible volunteers that are able to now take their kids out. Sometimes the first springboard of sending their kid away to Shabatones or any of it starts off in summer camp. They'll send their kid off and then they'll start doing everything else. Or they'll say, "I didn't even know how badly I needed the break. I didn't even know how badly my other children needed it until I sent them." But they're gaining a community of support. The children are also learning to generalize their skills in a new environment. Sometimes you have a child that has mastered using their communication device only in school or a child that's eating solids only with a certain therapist. But when they could work on maintaining all these goals in a new environment, new place, new people, the there's a whole new opport a whole new window of generalizing so many other skills. And lastly, which I mentioned anything before, which I mentioned a little before, is the ability for different people to look at your child from a different lens. So, you know, there's there's a camp that has so many other campers and now they are looking at your child. They want to help your child and often times from working with so many different children over the years, they may have new ideas. So, that we touched on the wise. Why would I send my kid to summer camp? So, let's get to the what's a little bit. What are the potential hardships that can come up with sending your child to summer camp? Also, I'm not going to focus on this too much. I just want to throw it in so you know that, you know, camp is amazing and it could be roses and peachy creamy amazing, but what are the potential hardships? And to some it may be a hardship, to some it may not be. But first of all, there obviously the unknowns, the questions, the fears that come up for each person. Um, which we mentioned. There's the financial piece specifically for parents that are listening to this that are not from New York where we are so blessed to have so much of the funding and resources given to us. But many people are less fortunate in this area and obviously it does come with a big financial burden. So different people have gotten creative grants whatever it was but it is something that should be considered. Um whether you are in New York you know obviously you figure out the respit hours available. Um I'm not the guru in hours and billing and all of that. I just want to mention that know that you know sometimes parents think oh it's a freebie I can just free summer camp but then they'll have duration and maybe I'll have to send my kid to less shabatones or a different afterchool program or whatever it is. You have to figure out what works for you for your child and what your child needs. Um Bloom also mentioned the separation between the child and parent the homesickness. Um, I would like to add on the separation between the parent and child. There are some times where it's actually hard for the parent to separate from the child. Um, and I've spoken to multiple parents like this over the years, whether it's an only child or it's their youngest child or it's where really really wherever the child fits into the family. Some parents just have a very hard time separating and they'll say, "I'm going to cry every night. It's hard." And you know what? It is hard in the beginning. And some parents literally lose their identity. Um I've had some parents whose kid were so physically dependent on everything and the parents whole day revolved around giving this child the care. All of a sudden they're like, I don't even know what to do with myself or with my time. This is crazy. And it's obviously an adjustment. It's a very good adjustment. You learn to adjust very quickly when life suddenly becomes easier. It's amazing. You get to do everything you've always wanted to do. But it's still it still can be hard. And we know that, you know, hard is not bad. It could just be hard in the beginning and there's an amazing, you know, few weeks that follow. And then there's obviously the worry. You know, what about um, you know, my child's needs being met. But worry does come along with it. But that's why you've selected an amazing camp that you feel like is the best fit for your child. And second-guessing decision really is not going to help that. It's more like Hashem knew what your child needs and for whatever reason you were drawn to this camp for whatever reason and it must be that that is the best place for your child for this year. So when let's move. So that was what now let's move on to when when is camp the right fit for my child. Um what you know how does that even play out? So obviously is camp even right for my child? So first of all, we want to really really know our child's needs well because if you are not familiar with your own child's needs, how do we expect a camp to provide and meet your child's needs? So you sometimes have to take a good look at your child um at his needs and think what does my child really need to thrive? Can the camp in question provide that? We also want to be very realistic of are my child's needs something that a camp can provide. Um and also what is my goal for sending my kid to camp? And I love to ask that question to parents because I once had a parent who said I said what's your goal of sending your kid like what do you wish your kid learned? And her kid was 17. She said my goal is for my kid to learn how to read that is it that's why I'm sending her to camp. So I said, you know, if that's the case, I'm not sure that camp is the best solution for right now. We can try to work with her. We could try to, you know, do some reading with her, but you know, if she has been unsuccessful the past 10 years in multiple different schools to read, I really can't promise that she's going to learn how to read in camp. Obviously, I can't promise anything. We're never in charge. I could always promise that we're going to try our absolute best. Um, like parents will say, "Can you toilet train my child?" We can try. We could try to work with them. We could be patient and try to implement loads of systems, but nobody could promise any outcome. But it is important to know what your goal is. So now, when might not be the right fit for your child. Now, the reason I do want to bring it up here, um, especially because it's a newer topic, some of you might be thinking, wait, I already made the decision, so why do I care if camp is appropriate or not? But really really if you can all think about these questions and see if it's a concern. If it is a concern, it doesn't mean that your child should not go to summer camp. It just means that some proactive solutions might really be beneficial to be put into place. And we have to also know that not every camp may be the fit for every child all the time. I always say you can't be everything to everybody all the time. You have to know who you could help at which time. So knowing that not every camp may be the best fit for every child. Sometimes a specific camp is a great fit for one child and sometimes it's not a great fit for another child. It doesn't make the camp a better camp or a worse camp and it doesn't make the child a better camper or a worse camper or it doesn't make another child more fit for camp and less fit for camp. It just means that you have to select the right camp for the right child. So, if any of the following concerns are coming up or you're thinking and you're biting your lip and you're saying, "hm, I don't want to tell the camp because I don't want them to kick my kid out of camp." Really, not the best idea. Let's get realistic. Let's get real and honest and let's see if we can potentially avoid mishaps by being prepared properly. So, first and foremost, medically, is my child stable enough to be in camp? If my child recently started having seizures and we think, "Why should I tell the camp? They're not going to let him come." It's really not safe or in his best interest if his seizures are not under control. If my child had a surgery two weeks before camp that requires a six-w weekek recovery period, camp is also not the best fit at this time. So if my child is unstable, if my child has new medical symptoms that we've not yet figured out the cause, why would we want to send the child away from their parents, away from their doctors with new infections and new developments and new patterns of vomit or new patterns of anything when we haven't yet figured it out? Of course, parents need a break and they deserve a break. But my question is always okay they need a break and then what can Ke camp give to their child? We also have to make sure that as the parents get the break the child is actually in the right environment. I once had a child that came to camp um and he couldn't breathe without oxygen. It was not the right fit. The parents really really needed a break and in the end before calling the parent to tell them that it's not you know it's he can't have some he can't have two nurses with him all the time. Um, I actually did call a medical facility, uh, you know, a respit program with 24-hour nursing, and we sent him, the parents picked him up and put him straight there. But my point was, the parents needed a break. It doesn't mean that the only way they can get a break is to send them to summer camp. They also have to be in the right environment. So, we said, right, unstable, ongoing medical development with no known quote, no known cause, clarity, or treatment. If there's no protocol in place for ongoing crisis, this child cannot be in camp. Meaning, if the child has breathing difficulties, which we have many of our children that have respiratory distress, but if there's no active preventive protocol, this is what my child needs to do every day. Or if your child dehydrates often and there's no plan, then we really can't send them to a camp with 400 people, right? 90 kids with special needs plus staff plus everything else without a plan. It doesn't mean that it's going to be a crazy plan that the camp won't accept. You work with the staff and you develop something that is safe. Another reason would be constant emergencies. If your child has constant emergencies and they need hot or they need a hospital twice a week, you really want to think if camp is the right place to have these emergencies coming out of. Another reason is if the child requires urgent care um very close by from a hospital for example um I get calls all the time for children with TRIS um and until this year we didn't have children with TRIS we know we've changed some of our protocols to be able to accommodate some however the question is always how long does it take from a small crisis to a true medical emergency and if the answer is that the child goes into a life-threatening emergency in I'm not going to give a number because I don't want you to quote me. Oh, I said 60 seconds 90 seconds. Every child has a different threshold. But if they go from 0 to 10 very very quickly and it becomes life-threatening in minutes, camp may also not be the best environment. Camp is hectic and even if a camp has multiple nurses such as ours, we have four full-time nurses and a hot cell member and a nurse assistant. But nothing specific with my camp in question, any other camp. There's a lot going on. And if your child needs urgent care that second, then you may want to think things through again. If there's no medical appropriate medical personnel there, if you feel like you need a nurse to be with your child, if you need an EMT and the camp has, let's say, people that are certified to give out medication, that would not be the right level of care that your child needs. Um, and another factor is also the nighttime care. If your child generally has nursing 247 and the camp in question does not provide that, but you feel like, oh, there's girls there. These are still young girls that are not RNs. They're not nurses. So, if your child needs things done throughout the night, then a can't may not be appropriate. The next reason of why a can't may not be appropriate. And this is not following a book or a set in stone. It's simply um you know what I am thinking about. I'm sure there are a million other reasons. I just want to highlight things that came to mind first. But the staff ratio either the staff ratio is too high or the staff ratio is too low. If your child constantly needs two counselors and the staff the camp is giving a one one. But when your child gets aggressive or to prevent aggression, they need a minimum of two counselors or three counselors, one on each side to hold heat each hand and a third one to entertain them. then trying to fit them into a camp that provides one provides onetoone support may not be appropriate. Or if a child, let's say, requires a one-to-one nurse and you feel like, oh, you know what, there's four nurses, they could handle him. But if he really needs one at his side every minute of the day, that may not be an appropriate setup. The same goes through goes the same holds true vice versa. What if the camp has too much support? And I just dealt with it this week. I graduated one of my campers out who's really really improved so much on her independence. And the parents were really, really sad. They're like, you know, we know your camp. We want to send them there. And I actually just went out with this camper yesterday. We just went out for lunch. And I tried explaining to her that it's not a kickout. It's a graduation. She right now it's not in her best interest to be in a program that provides one-to-one support when she can function in a group of 10 kids with one staff member. We never want to oversupport and do more for a child than what he or she can do. The third reason why camp may not be appropriate or why we may need to rethink our communication with our camps now if our child is struggling is the child's behavior. One of the worst mistakes in my opinion a parent can do when sending their kid to summer camp is not being honest with how their child performs on a daily basis. If the child is aggressive to themselves, if the child is aggressive to others, if the child is inappropriate with themselves, if the child is inappropriate to others, if the child is unable to actually handle a group or a large setting and the child will constantly, you know, if the child just keeps to themselves and goes to their bunk and goes to the playground, that's one story. But if the child will go absolutely crazy from just seeing a lot of people, we can't really make people disappear and disintegrate when your child's having a rough time. So if they're unable to take a pause or be brought to a quieter place, that may be something to think about. Now, it doesn't mean that you call the camp and you say, "I don't want to really tell you, but my child struggles with XYZ." But what you can say is, you know, I just want to really be honest with my child's behavior so that we could really proactively plan and avoid possible mishaps. For example, I have a child who's, you know, when we discuss with the mother, we discuss them really, really severe behaviors like we're talking giving staff members concussions and stuff like that. And it doesn't mean no, no, no. It just means that we have to ask so many questions and speak to people that support her to find out, okay, so what is needed? what is required for the camp to do so that this child has a safe and happy environment and that it doesn't infect impact the other campers negatively and just from speaking it sounded like everything is about schedule and structure so we're thinking you know what if the child is supposed to come on a Wednesday that means Thursday is going to be their first full day of camp Friday is a half day's air of chabas shabas is a whole new schedule and then come Sunday which is a different schedule we said you know what thank you so much for being honest about the first few days and that your child needs insane structure, stability, routine, regulation and once they have it for three four days they are perfect but we said you know what maybe you should come up on a Sunday so that you have Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday you have the same schedule there so that didn't mean that the parent being honest jeopardize her kid for camp for coming to camp it just meant that we are able to set her up proactively and setting things up proactively is amazing So when you're talking to the camp, you could just say these are their behaviors, but if they have X, Y, and Z, we're really, really able to get them into a very, very good place. And then we could communicate what is the X, Y, and Z that the camp should know about so that your child can have a safe experience. Another thing to look at um as to why camp may not be appropriate is your child's sleep. So, first of all, accommodations that the camp cannot provide. If your child requires a private room with nobody else there, find out if the camp can provide it. Some camps could provide semi-private with um, you know, cubicles or any of that. And some camps cannot. Some camps can give you a private room, some camps cannot. I had a child that applied to my camp last year and upon doing further research, they said, you know, the child really, really, really needs quiet. I said, you know what, my accommodations are bunk house style. I really think your child should go to another camp that has hotel style rooms where there's a max of two to three people in a room. That would be perfect. The kid thrived there. It just meant that she needed a different setting. So, sleep. If they wake up very, very early, if the kid is up 2 o'clock in the morning for 5 hours, there's no point in hiding it because chances are if they did it in your home the whole year, they probably will do it in camp, probably at an even bigger level in the beginning. So, find out does the st does the camp have support staff in the middle of the night. Is it safe? Can the child run out? Really, these are questions to ask. And then obviously accommodations or if your co if your child cries all night and they do it all the time, sending them to a summer camp in a bunk house with possibly nine or 10 or 15, however, however the setup is other campers, that would also be unfair because how can we jeopardize the sleep of 20 other people if your child is up? So that doesn't mean don't send your child to camp. It means that now five weeks before camp, you want to try and figure out what can we do to ensure better sleep. Whether it's medication, whether it's dietary changes, whether it's transitioning from a bed to a crib or a crib to a bed or a tent or toys or things for the kid to do in bed, whether it's books, anything that you need, now would be the time to work on it so that your child's sleep is not the catalyst for other children or staff members not being able to sleep. I don't have to tell you um if staff members get cranky when they don't sleep, but sometimes they sometimes they you know, everybody needs their sleep. Another factor would be their age. You know, if they're boys at a certain age, they may cap out at a certain time. Sometimes if it's older in general, whether it's 25, 30, I'm not giving an age because for everybody, this is different. But what we have found is that sometimes when girls are older, they may not anymore enjoy what camp has to offer. They may enjoy a trip to Florida to sit at the beach all day. And we've had that. There was a time that C mdal had 45 year olds. They were wonderful human beings. They taught us so much about them and about themselves. But at some point, you really start asking yourself, is C in their best interest? Do they care about shaving cream fights? Do they care about running down water slides or do they just want to sit out in the sun with a staff member? So, their age. Um, that would be an important factor. And another last factor to think about is how is the readjustment after camp. I know this may sound super controversial controversial, but I will tell you that I had a parent who once said, "I cannot send my child back to camp because the readjustment period afterwards was so difficult. It undid everything we accomplished the whole summer. All of a sudden, everyone's like, "H, she's back. She's this, she's that." So that doesn't mean camp is not appropriate. It means it's a real concern and how can we plan accordingly? So now when we talk about the readjustment period, we say, "Okay, so maybe the last few days or one or two weeks at the end of camp, we have to start adjusting whatever it is for the child to function at home." So those were in terms of you know when camp might not be um appropriate. So obviously things to inquire. I know it's getting late so the things to inquire about the camp I'm just going to gloss over and focus on the communication aspect when you're in camp. I'm not going to go through the nitty-g gritties, but just you want to know about the technicalities, right? Like the candidates, is there visiting day? Is there not? You want to know about the house, the medical department, education, is there education, is there therapy, what's the behavior support like, the sensory support, the toileting, the fun, the vocational, how do they address my concerns, right? Those are all the the regular hows of the camp. And you definitely want to ask the how's if you have questions. Every camp could say, "We do XYZ." You want to know as a parent, how how are you doing it? You don't want to grill and drill because p camps also want you to trust them. But it's okay to ask how they, you know, plan on addressing certain concerns. Overall, you want to know about their hushka, their warmth, their professionals, their experience, their overall vibe, their atmosphere. Safety is massive. Safety is a huge concern. What are the safety protocols they have in place? What's their ratio? What's the supervision like? What's the protocol? if a kid is sick, if a kid is lost, if a kid has allergies, if there's an emergency, any of those, who are the emergency personnel, what are the contact systems, do they have drills, any of that, you really, really want to inquire about the safety? Maybe because I'm a safety nutcase, but um we really like when it comes to safety, there is no there no games to play. This is your child. You have the right to make sure your child is safe in any any environment. So, it's okay to ask about their safety protocol, abuse prevention, any of that. You're a parent and when you send your kid to camp, obviously you want to get that break, but if you have so many unanswered questions and if you have so many safety concerns, you deserve to have those questions answered and you deserve to ask about it so that you can truly have a respit and a break with real real peace of mind. We talked about the medical department, the team, the diets, all of that. You may want to know about the grounds, the structure, the accessibility, the amenities, what else do they have, playgrounds, is there one, is there five, just, you know, what's the setup, the gym, um the campers, what are the peers like, are there people similar to my child um that my child, you know, will be able to spend with the staff, who are the staff, is it co-ed, is it not? Do they get training, do they get beforehand, ongoing support, oversight, do they have enough fund themselves, are they happy, do staff want to come here, do they have a hard time retaining staff? You want to just get the feels. Do staff get breaks? How do they prevent burnout? Do they have full summer staff? Do they have summer half summer staff for some programs? Full summer works for some programs have summer work for some children. You know, different things work. How does it work? Some programs have one counselor um for five kids. Some programs have five counselors on five kids and they rotate every day. Some have oneto ones. So, you know, everything is different. What happens on days off? Who's watching my kid? Then is there a plan? You want to know about the head staff? Who's on their head staff? What's their experience? Are they approachable? Do they own their mistakes? Are they receptive to feedback? Everybody messes up and everybody makes mistakes. It's never intentional. But when there's a mistake, is there someone to talk to? Do they try to fix things as they can? What's the structure? What's the daily schedule? Swimming events, all of that. Communication before camp, who do I get to speak to? Do I Who do I speak to for what? How do I communicate with all the departments? Do I call them? Will someone reach out? who speaks to the educational department, the therapy department, the medical department, or any of that. What is the timeline? At what point can I expect a call from my child's teacher, from my child's counselor? You want all of that. Um, and then communication during camp. Can I visit? Can I not visit? Do I speak to my child? Do I not? Can I FaceTime? Is it an option to? Can I not? How often? More or less? You want to, you know, you want to have all that for sure. Now, we've decided just, you know, as we're wrapping up, you've decided you want to send your kids to summer camp. What would the camp appreciate? How can I be the best parent that can gain the most out of my experience? But also, every relationship needs a working relationship on both parts. And the part that you are responsible for is your part as a parent and the camp is responsible for their part as a camp. So, how could we maintain this working relationship so that it works for both? In order for it to work, it needs to work for the camp and it needs to work for you and obviously for your child. So, first of all, technicalities. Apply on time. Complete your paperwork. If the camp has a deadline, do it at the deadline. If the camp has requirement, if the camp asks for kids to get checked for lice, if the camp asks for no calls to the counselor and only through the group leader, whatever the camp rules are, you have selected this camp. And it's the understanding that you will follow the camp's rules and guidelines. And if you really feel like something does not work for you instead of breaching the protocol, if the camp says no, just showing up and walking into bunk houses, but you feel like you have an amazing reason of why you should be allowed, just pick up a phone and communicate that. But we're going to get to communication at the end because it's so so important. But first of all, the technical. Number two, you have decided to be a good parent. So what should I do? So, what you should do first in terms of items. So, I know that Blumma touched it, but I will touch it as well. Label your items. Label your items. It's so hard to keep track of everyone's stuff when you have 90 kids and another 200 staff members or when you have hundreds of people there. No, we really don't know that the black zip-up sweater in size medium is your child's. And it's sometimes, you know, you send expensive things, which I always say, please don't. Camp is full of paint, messes, and smiles. And in order to maximize the pay, messes, and smiles, no need for all the brands and all the brand names. We love your child exactly the way they are. If they're wearing the brand names, we will not love them more. Of course, it helps when they're clean and neat and put together, but we don't really care about the expensive clothing, and you definitely shouldn't break the bank for that. Send enough. If your child's working on toileting, and you know that at home they have five accidents a day, send them with enough underwear to go through the next few days. um send all that and of course know what's being sent to camp. So if your camp sends home a list and they tell you to check off, I know that we do that. Um but if not, take the time to write it yourself or text it to your counselor, send them a list. These are what these are the things that I sent to camp. um whether it's 12 t-shirts. It doesn't mean they're going to get back all 12 t-shirts. But it means that when the counselor is read is, you know, cleaning up, she could say, "Oh, wait. I only have 10 t-shirts. Let me go to the lost and found." What I try to tell parents sometimes is that you know that you sent your kid with 12 shirts and they were all labeled, but does the counselor know that two shirts were sent that were unlabeled? What if she never actually saw them? What if your kid had an accident on day one? or if your kid stuff went to the laundry and she never even knew about it. So, please, if you want all your things back, of course, nobody could promise. Everybody could just try their best, send an inventory, send pictures if you want. You don't have to. But an inventory is great. And I would encourage you very, very much because like I said, we're not here to fix the camps and to change the camps. Our job now is how to be the best parent. But if you are a parent listening to this and your child let's say even has two separate counselor second half give them the list give the list to the second half counselor as well or ask the second half counselor to get it from the first half counselor from my experience I have um come to the conclusion that majority of our lost and found are sometimes for children that have two counselors. It does not mean it is a bad idea. Some children actually do better with two counselors. While a full summer counselor offers the predictability, the stability, the ability to work on so many different goals, a half summer counselor also offers the tremendous benefit of coming in fresh at week four. And when the week, you know, at the end of first half when everyone's just tired, you have a fresh set of energy that comes. But that means as a mother, even though you explained everything to the first half counselor, just give things over again. So that was technically and now in terms of what can I do? Let's think about what we can do for the counselor, for the child, and for yourself. So for the counselor, please establish good, healthy boundaries with the counselor. Whether or not you're speaking to the counselor or the group leader, a counselor wants to feel trusted. A counselor wants to feel like you appreciate her work. And sometimes, yes, you have to look away a little bit. If your kid's hair isn't brushed in the exact way that you liked it, or she's wearing a ponytail instead of a braid, does it really matter? Does it really matter if they're wearing a pink bow instead of the matching green bow? Does it really matter? And sometimes you have to think, if I give this feedback, will it make the counselor feel good or not feel good? But when you're establishing healthy boundaries, it also means you're putting trust in her. you know, you trust her, you're communicating with her, you're not calling her five times a day, you're not asking her to update you every hour what your child ate because you obviously made the decision to send your kid to summer camp and you want to let the counselor, you know, figure things out for your child. You for sure want to prepare your child, whether it's social stories or cards or pictures or talks or stories or any of that you want to tell the child. There are times where kids show up to camp without being prepared. So now as a camp we'll undertake to prepare them and send the stories. But if your camp won't do it, then you do it. You be the proactive mother. Show him what he's what he's going to. Take him on a trip without you. Have somebody else take him for the day. If he's never been away from home, send him to Shabaton before. Just prepare your child. If he's back to what we said before, if there's an instability part, um, you want to stabilize him before if you know there's going to be a big change after camp, you definitely want to take the time to prepare them before. For example, I've had times I've had place many scenarios where the family moved. So, if you're moving, think about your child. When your child comes home after camp, how will they feel coming to a completely new home? That might be a very big change. You may have to show them the new house before camp. If there's a new baby, you may want to tell them before camp that there's a new baby. For one of the kids, I even suggested to the mother to put the crib in there before camp so the child really understands. It's not for everybody, but for some kids, it is. If there's going to be a massive change, have the kid know. Obviously, you know your child best. If you think your kid's going to be super anxious about it, then don't do it. But overall, I'm just telling you to think about your child. How is your child going to take to all these changes? Um, do you want them to meet the counselor before camp? Some camps don't do it that way. They find it's best to meet the child in camp. But you think about what your child needs and what works for the camp and try to come up with a happy medium. And for yourself, try to maximize your opportunity. Whether it's going on a trip with your spouse for the first time in eight years, spending time with your other siblings, taking that course you always wanted to take, cooking up your food. There's a family I know she stocks up her ya freezer. She doesn't have her kid. Maximize the time. And even if your maximization, is that even a word? I don't even know. Is if your time is just to be enjoy no goals, no courses, no classes, no vacations. I just want to wake up without a worry. I want to wake up without worrying about my child. Then just do it. Enjoy it and do it. And of course, trust. Trust the camp. Every camp wants to be trusted and wants to feel like you trust them. That doesn't mean you can't ask questions, but that means that you also want to place a little bit of trust in them. So, moving on to the communication piece. We're going to just do communication and then move to the last part of just a few factors. If it doesn't work out, now what? So, communication. Let's look at communication before camp, during camp, and after camp. Before camp, communicate everything. Communicate everything you feel is important and also communicate what's important to you. Sometimes a camp may not ask all the right questions, but you as a mother should share all the right answers. For example, if it's very very important to you that your child has their nails cut twice a week, then communicate that. The camp will not know that without your communication. If it's very very important that your child call their grandparents every Friday, communicate that. It's okay. It's not asking for something outlandish. If your child has a wheelchair that's dirty, you know, I recently I always always ask this question to parents. I end off my first conversation. I say, "Okay, now camp aside, what is something that's very, very important to you?" Because I find that as a camp, we could work so hard. We could work on so many different goals. We could toilet train a kid. We could teach a kid how to walk, but if there's one thing that's important to the parent that's not met, they can't the parent sometimes can't even see the things that were accomplished because there's one main thing that was not met. So, I'll ask a parent, "What is important to you?" And one parent said, "Well, now that you're asking the wheelchair, if I come to camp and the wheelchair is dirty, I will scream. You better believe we told the coun you better make sure to wash it down every day." Or one parent said,"I really need my child to wear matching bows every day." And you know what? Some of you may think, "What? That's stupid." But obviously I said before, you know, if your kids's wearing a braid or whatever, it's not that urgent to, you know, criticize the staff member to feel criticized. But if it's something that's very very important to you, then obviously if the the camp could send a million pictures a day, but if you see your kid not wearing that thing and it's going to annoy you, just communicate that. Of course, there's an element of flexibility that maybe it could make less of a difference, but if right now that is important to you, communicate that. If it's important that your child's ears be cleaned with a Q-tip and you're telling your friend, I'm going to cringe because all summer my kid will have dirty ears. Just communicate and say, "By the way, it's very, very important to me that my child's ears get cleaned, you know, weekly." And I have that with parents all all the time. Every parent has a different um a different something that's important to them. Um but for sure you want to communicate that. You also want to communicate what you hope your child can gain and accomplish. You know, sometimes you'll say, "I want my child to gain um play skills or I want my child to work on his toileting." Communicate what you hope your child can gain so that you and the camp are on the same page. Share any important developments. By the way, my child just started using a communication device. So, if you're not going to use it, he basically doesn't have his mouth because that's what he's communicating with now. Share that. Communicate and report honestly. As we said before, be as specific as possible. Oh my goodness. Yes. Yes. Yes. Be as specific as possible with your child's need needs. If your child drinks only from a sippy cup or if your child drinks only using a straw or if your child eats chicken nuggets or fish stickicks and you tell the camp, "If my kid doesn't eat well, you can always give him fish sticks." But you don't say that my child has severe autism and the only brand he's going to eat is the Prager's fish stickicks. Doesn't really help us. Or if your child likes his food dunked in ketchup, boiling hot, please make sure to say that. Meals are so so important. And if your child's not being fed well, then they're not going to be able to behave at their optimal levels. Be as specific as possible. My child usually eats at least three breads to feel full. My child needs lots of vegetables and fiber in order for them to go to the bathroom every day. If my child doesn't use the bathroom and have a bowel movement once every two days, they will get cranky. Communicate everything as specific as possible. So that is the before camp. During camp, during camp, you want to keep your communication great. But you also want to look at the things that are fixable at the moment and the things that are not fixable at the moment. If you found out that there's someone in their bunk or that there's 10 people in their bunk house and they really needed a quieter bunk, guess what? It's too late now. You may have to communicate that with them after the summer so you could plan better for next year. But during the summer, it's not the time for the camp to rewire and redo everything again. So, if it's unfixable, we're going to leave it for after camp. Of course, everything could be said and explained, but it also has to be the right time. And if it's fixable, please communicate that. Come up with something that works well for you and the counselor and the group leader, however, whoever you're communicating with. If you want pictures every week and you're not getting it, call the cab and say, "Is it possible for me to get a picture a week?" But if it's something that can be changed, please do it then. Um, or I had a parent that told me once after camp, you know, when I came visiting day, their nails weren't cut and the rest of the summer I was thinking if you knew I'm coming on visiting day and you didn't cut it, what happens the rest? It was totally an error. You know, generally we're on top of things. But sometimes you can't see everything. But something like that means that it's okay to call the cap after and say, you know, is it possible to just do a check-in? If it's fixable in the moment or fixable, not even in that moment, but can be changed for the next three, four, five, six weeks, then it 100% can be communicated. There's always a way to communicate things. Sometimes it's not necessarily what you're asking for, it's how you're asking for it. How are you asking the camp to do it? And the third communication piece is after the fact. And I know that Blumma mentioned it, but giving that positive feedback goes such a long way. Not just in terms of positive feedback making them feel good, but also for the camp to know that something specific that they did made a big difference. For example, if a parent will tell me, you know, the fact that my child was in the stander every day in camp and you focused on it, my kid is now sitting independently. But if you notice any big changes or even changes as a family, we all work so hard and we do it with the greatest pleasure. No one forced us to go into this line and we're not making millions. We're doing it because we care deeply about our work and we care deeply about you and we care deeply about your children. If camp impacted your family, yourself, then share your feedback. Everyone appreciates a good line of feedback. And even if goals were accomplished, share it with us so we could pass it on to the hardworking counselors. And just to end off, what if it doesn't work out? And parents sometimes say, "What if it doesn't work out? I put my kid in camp, but it didn't work out and it was such a mess." So, first of all, we all have to believe and know that it was still part of the plan. And it was meant for it to work out a certain way and this was simply part of the plan. It was meant to be this way. Okay. So, we'll do we'll go a different route. Sometimes you have to take a detour to know which direction to take. And if this didn't work out and you know take for example Simey's talk about the mainstream camp if in your head you really really want your kid in the mainstream camp but you're unsure does it work or does it not and you try it and it's an epic fail it's okay because you successfully got your answer you now know that a mainstream camp is not on the table for right now but giving you clarity so it's part of Hashem's plan number two it was meant not to work out sorry it was meant to not work out. Not meant not to work out. I learned this from my 12th grade teacher, Kavar Rudes. She said, "When something doesn't work out, it's not like, oh, was it wasn't meant to be. It was meant to be exactly this way." Number three, maybe you can still find something that came out of it, something good. So, the camp experience didn't work out as planned, so your child was sent home in the middle of the summer. Is there anything else that came out of it? Did you and your husband get to go on a vacation? Did your child gain one skill? Did your parent have your undivided attention? Find that one thing that did come out of it. Number four, sometimes things are not meant to be a permanent solution, but a pit stop. And a pit stop also serves the purpose. And maybe sending your kid to this camp is now a springboard for them to go to a more intense camp or a less intense camp. It was a pit stop for this year and now you know which direction to take. Also, I read this quote. I love it. But take risks. If you win, you'll be happy. If you lose, you'll be wise. If you win and it's amazing, great. But if you lose, you also learn something either about what your child needs or about what your child doesn't need or about what you need, what your child doesn't need, or any of that. You also um have the clarity, and clarity is a gift. If something doesn't work out and it so clearly didn't work out, then clarity is also a gift that you don't need to second guessess. And of course, sometimes we do regret the chances that we don't take and you feel like maybe I should just give my child this experience. So sometimes you do regret the chances we don't take. And lastly, the points to remember when you're picking a camp, it is not an infinite decision. It's always a decision that could be re-evaluated the next year. You're not signing on the dotted line for the next hundred years. You're making a decision for right now for the next seven weeks. Is it worth three years of hemming and hoing for a seven-week decision? Or sometimes you just got to do your estadas, do your research and try it. Either it'll work or it'll be clear that it didn't work in the way you expected. And also we said before, not every camp is the best choice for every child. Sometimes also this is very important. things work for a certain while and either the child will outgrow the camp or the camp will outgrow the child or peers can change or the child's needs can change. Just because a camp worked for 10 years, it doesn't mean after 11 years. What do you mean you're telling me that the camp no longer is a good fit for my child? My child was here for 10 years. And the answer could be, well, it worked for 10 years, but right now it doesn't work anymore. Camp's dynamics change. Campers needs change. And when a parent sends a kid to camp, the acceptance is not for the next 20 years. It's for this summer with a child's current needs, with a current level of support that the camp is providing. Things change all the time. Also, not every time is something someone's fault. Sometimes things happen. Sometimes they're positive, sometimes they're less positive, but things happen and we can learn from it and, you know, move forward. A good solid camp is there for your child. But we have an opportunity to take advantage of this. You all work so hard. You all deserve it so much. Your child deserves it so much. Sometimes, you know, you got to do your thing. Go into it bravely and happily and confidently that you're giving your child the greatest gift. Something we have to leave to Hashem. So, we'll do our thing and just, you know, leave the rest to him. We try our best. We'll leave the rest to him. And I also I really want to thank um Shulie Roberg, one of my greatest mentors in the field that has taught me so much as a camp director. And I also really want to thank Blum Barin, one of my role models that have taught me so much sensitivity in the field. And everybody else that has, you know, allowed us to help other families. Thank you for giving us the opportunity. And thank you to all our families who trust us and trust every other camp. You're letting us do amazing work and we really appreciate your trust in us and we value our relationships and we love your children. There's nothing more we want to do than spend the summer with your child. So, and hopefully it will be an amazing summer for all. Thank you so so much for highlighting all the what'ss, wins, hows, wise of sending a child to camp in such a positive way. I want to take a moment to thank all the presenters for providing such informative and important meaningful insights on various aspects of sending a child to camp that may come up and the potential struggles that you may face. If anybody has any further questions about camps for their child, feel free to reach out to us. Always we we're happy um to help guide you to the appropriate placement for your child. And I want to wish everyone a healthy happy summer.