hello everyone my name is Eva lupine and welcome back to my channel and today I have another video for you all as you can probably hear in my voice I currently have laryngitis again it's so much fun but I just had a moment today where I was so inspired had just like this boom moment I was like oh my gosh I have to make a video but this and I'm trying to rest my voice I wasn't supposed to film today but I find that if I can't talk about it in the moment like when I get that inspiration when I get that thought it's just it's not gonna be the same it's not gonna be as maybe in-depth or as passionate as it would be you know if I wait a couple days to film something versus like when I do it right away so we're gonna just like experiment a little bit here with this video and I want to share some thoughts with you guys that I've just been brewing in my brain today relating to 24/7 relationships and the ways that we perceive power exchange in BDSM in the community online and in real life and as is often the case with the topics for these videos this was originally inspired by a conversation that we had over in my patreon only discord chat and someone was just asking about implementing rules and structure in their relationship they were exploring power exchange with their boyfriend and they were just looking for some tips to make sure they were doing the right thing and as an educator of BDSM online I get questions about this all the time like if you guys have been to my live streams if you've seen the comment sections on some of my Power Exchange focused videos a lot of people want to know how they can successfully implement rules structure protocol whatever terminology you want to use people are just like hey how do we do this how can we make this work in our relationship which is great I'm always really happy when people are curious and exploring and they're looking for those resources to make sure that they're going to end up with something that they enjoy that their partner enjoys as well but what I've noticed is that when people talk about Power Exchange at least in online spaces you know where I'm at where I'm an educator where I'm looked at as somebody who can provide advice people seem to just be taking power exchange as to always indicate some sort of 24/7 dynamic and let me just back up a little bit and explain what I mean when I talk about 24/7 when I say 24/7 is in a 24/7 power exchange dynamic a 24/7 Dom sub relationship that means 365 days a year 24 hours a day seven days a week you are in an ongoing Power Exchange type of relationship this doesn't necessarily mean full total power exchange where all of your power is given up to the partner this can also be partial power exchange where you still retain autonomy over certain things your life such as finances or being able to make decisions about your workplace your clothing every individual person is different and I have an old old video where I explain the differences between all these things so a link to that will be down below but that's what I mean when I say 24/7 and I am curious about why it seems to be that when people talk about power exchange especially when they're first exploring there is this gravitation towards 24/7 just like right off of the bat and I worry sometimes that maybe the way that I've talked to about my BDSM or the way some of my friends online I've talked about BDSM is kind of steering people towards this idea that like oh if I want to do a Power Exchange relationship it should look the way that there's looks and I know from being a younger person in the BDSM community if I'm going out to my local scene if I'm going to TNG events which are for people that are 35 and under I don't really know anybody that does power exchange i when I'm in the community when I'm volunteering when I'm talking to my friends I know one other couple that does something similar to what I do with mr. tax that is like an ongoing relationship but I've had a couple of friends in the past that have had our exchange relationships but that are not and the time and I'm making this video currently in a Power Exchange relationship so for people who are in my main demographic of who listens to my videos people who are sort of part of the same circles in my community in terms of age bracket like not a lot of people do power exchange and so there's not a lot of resources or examples to look to to figure out how to do it correctly and the examples that people do have are people like me who have 24/7 dynamics and it shouldn't be taken as a given that every Power Exchange relationship is going to be 24/7 because to be honest that's not really something that's sustainable for a lot of people especially if you're trying to do it right away it is something that takes time to grow into and that's what I want to emphasize in this video today is like the misconception that if you're doing power exchange it has to be 24/7 because when you're talking about it online people talk about rules and contracts and colorings and all of these have a sort of sense of permanency about them and that the sense that they're like all the time like throughout the week or at least I perceive it being that way when people talk about you know contracts and rules and that kind of structure in a relationship it's not like oh we only do this on like Friday Saturday and Sunday or this is something that we do you know three to four times a month will have a power exchange day for our relationship it's like just continual okay we're doing power exchange so now we are going to be DOM and sub to each other every single day and that's not in reality how most people play with power exchange so I kind of just want to bring a little bit of like a reality check to the internet about this and the case that I might be like misleading people about this or creating some kind of misconception because I really try to fight misconceptions on my channel I really try to fight myths and misunderstandings I want to give everybody to the best of my ability an honest true understanding of how everything works these ideas about how we can work for an individual person so power exchange doesn't have to be 24/7 if you're new it can be great as a goal but it shouldn't necessarily be something that you start off with right away because it can be very intense if this is the first time you're playing with BDSM in general you definitely need to take it slow I wouldn't even necessarily start with Power Exchange of any kind right off the bat like start with being a bottom or a top first do some scenes do some light play do some things that have elements of power exchange to them in a scene but don't necessarily dive in and make an entire relationship structure about it because when you're new and you're still exploring you don't necessarily know what you want yeah you don't necessarily know what labels you want to use to describe yourself if you're trying to negotiate a relationship around something that's still very like unformed and unsettled you're trying to like put a lasso around a cloud you're trying to figure out how to corral in something that hasn't really been fully formed yet and it's not to say that like if the reason that you're doing BDSM is for Power Exchange to not do it I'm just kind of advising a little bit of caution with just sleeping and super deeply right away because there are ways that you can play with power exchange that's the main reason that you're into BDSM without having to like negotiate for like rules in a contract and like set up a time scheme for when you're gonna get certain callers right like you can take things slowly and that's totally valid and that's totally okay and I think ultimately when you do that you are going to end up with a relationship that's more satisfying for you and for your partners as well because that means you're having time to explore and really understand what your motivators are what you like what you don't like and again you're not trying to put a lasso around a cloud you're kind of getting everything more solidly understood first before you try and really create any you know sort of boundaries or rules around that because again for another example if you're brand new to a Power Exchange relationship as a concept and you jump in and you want to do something 24/7 and you don't really have a lot of experience negotiating you don't really have a lot of experience figure out what your limits are you don't really have a lot of experience having to stick up for your boundaries again especially in a Power Exchange context like what if you and your partner decide that it would be really hot and really fun to be able to like pick out the color of your underwear every single day and then you go and you try to do that and it works for a couple days and then it starts to like impact your ability to get ready on time for work and maybe tries to actually make you feel kind of uncomfortable maybe this is actually too sexual for you and maybe you weren't even really sure yet if you wanted to go in a more sexual direction or in a more non-sexual direction or maybe it depends on the context just something where you know this isn't actually sitting with you like as well as it could have had you just like kind of baby stepped into it rather than making it a rule in a 24/7 context maybe you just try out a scene where your partner gets to pick out an item of clothing with you just kind of sit with that get to see how it feels first before you do the whole kit and kaboodle of making it 24/7 because power exchange is not always 24/7 I know that that's maybe a little bit of a weird thing to understand again especially with the ways that we oftentimes talk about it but you can have it just be on certain days of the week you can have it just be a couple of times a month you can't have it just be in scenes and all of that is totally okay and what I see happening a lot is people getting into power exchange relationships as a new person with another new person and you're both trying to figure out what your styles are and if you believe that you have to do something 24/7 in order to have a power exchange dynamic it can be really overwhelming speaking to my tops here to might want to be not in a want to be down to some people who want to be Dom's people who want to be matched with people who want to be owners speaking to you right now it is exhausting having to make that many decisions I recently took a class where we spent a lot of time talking about not only like indecision and paralysis where you're like not really sure what choice you should make and so you don't any choice but also how you can get fatigued by having to make so many decisions all the time and having decision fatigue on top of that so it can be really exhausting having to make all those decisions it can be exhausting having to keep track of rules and punishments and reward structures and sticker charts and Lord even knows what else you want to try and put a place it's really hard to do then again if you're new to BDSM if you're new to Power Exchange I would not expect you to be able to manage that you are just human you have to you know go into things very slowly and learn how to process things one thing at a time because especially if you're in new dominance and you're learning this with a new party who's also never done this before and you're trying to be patient with each other and you know you're just trying to be able to keep the structure that you have in place going like you're also trying to learn how to be confident in that like some people are very naturally dominant and they could just walk in and then from day one they've got all of their best like Punishment ideas they know how to use the dom voice they know when to expect certain things and when they need to let off you know the gas a little bit in terms of expectations and give their partner more leeway for life circumstances they just boom boom boom they get it right away but that's not most people like if you are putting somebody in a situation where they suddenly have to know all of this crazy relationship structure and yes it can be written down and that's helpful but if you do have to keep it in mind youself to remember to actually implement everything you're kind of setting somebody up for failure if you're like expecting them to have all the stuff totally like ready to go in the headspace that you want it to be in as accurately as possible without forgetting anybody's limits or boundaries remembering to check in first remembering to also find enjoyment for yourself too so I guess the point of saying all of that is to just emphasize that you really can take things slowly take it one piece at a time not all Power Exchange has to be 24/7 it can just be in scenes it can just be for short periods of time it can also just be like very small pieces of power exchanges we talked about the concept of partial power exchange rather than total power exchange if you also want to approach this for maybe a different direction rather than thinking okay we're gonna do power exchange now let's get that contract written let's go you can just take things one little piece at a time and practice giving up power in small incremental ways rather than trying to do everything at once which is a suggestion I sure I've given in videos before but something like that would be you know rather than having all sorts of different power changes happen simultaneously go okay well I think let's start out by you monitoring me brushing my teeth and making sure that I'm brushing my teeth twice a day as opposed to brushing your teeth twice a day and taking your vitamins and drinking at least eight glasses of water a day and remembering to take a picture of your outfit every single day and remembering good morning and good night text and remembering to not leave time on the microwave and remembering to not accidentally open the door without permission first and ball-ball whatever rules you try to implement just do one little tiny thing at a time and then build on top of that so that's a way you can kind of practice 24/7 but a really really low level of 24/7 and if you're listening to all of this and you're like well Evie I don't even necessarily know if I really want 24/7 that's also totally fine as well it's all about what you negotiate for and I would really encourage you when you are negotiating for power change when you are going to your boyfriend and talk to them about kink you're going to your girlfriend and saying hey I want to be able to change this about our relationship be really honest and specific about what your goals are and what your wants are because what power exchange means to one person is not what it means to somebody else so if you're operating under the assumption that power exchange means 24/7 but your partner is not on the same page with you about that it's not gonna end up super well for you or for them and it's really just better if you're upfront as you can sure that again you guys are both getting what you want out of the relationship and it's not something where one person is feeling like they're being pushed it along in a direction that they're not ready for and the other person feels like their needs are being met and I guess I just want to finish this up because unfortunately I don't really have a lot of time because I'm supposed to stream in like 15 minutes but this video is really important to me I just want to kind of put a little EndNote on this of misconceptions and the ways that we see power exchange done online so like everybody mentions you know I'm an educator online I am in a Power Exchange relationship so when I give information when I talk about BDSM it's from that perspective from that experience and the other people I know that also are cake educators online for the most part also have power exchange relationships of some kind or have had them in the past and when they talk about power exchange it's based on those things but what you have to remember is that power exchange especially anything that's outside of a scene is very very rare I already gave the example of how like nobody am I teach you community here does it I'm like the only one but it's not something that is a given it's not something that everybody should do it's not something that everybody is meant to do it's not something that you have to do in order to do BDSM it's just one of many many options you have to remember that BDSM especially if you're doing it in a community setting it's just like one very small part of the total population that has experimented with BDSM for the most part people who do BDSM do it in the privacy of their homes with their spouse or their committed monogamous partner and I don't talk to anybody about it they don't go to classes they don't go to conventions they do anything it's just like a fun thing that they do in the bedroom sometimes the next group of people are people who go to events to find a partner and then when they find a partner they go back to the first group of people and then they play privately and nobody ever hears about it and they never go to events then you have the people who go to events on a regular basis but they only play they don't play with power exchange they may have like I guess I shouldn't say casually and like a dragon Tori works I don't mean it that way but in the sense that they're not doing it with a DS relationship in mind there are tops and bottoms they might have multiple play partners but they're not doing it with power exchange and then within all of that down at the very bottom you have people who do power exchange and then within that group there's the people who do power exchange and also do it 24/7 so it's like a giant nesting doll we're like when you get to the very innermost part you get to the people who do 24/7 power exchange and it's it's not meant for everyone and it's I don't see that to be like elitist or be like not everybody's good enough for this but to be honest about like how much time and devotion it takes to cultivate a 24/7 and I look to be confident in that to be knowledgeable enough to be able to negotiate thoroughly enough to really make something that works there is very difficult and realistically your first month your first three months your first six months and kink you might not be ready for that yet some people get it right away other people it takes a little longer than that it's about being honest about where you personally are in that process and I also find that sometimes people who want this are kind of looking at the image of how other people do BDSM and think I want what they have that could be with me that could be with what Brittany Simon has had in her relationships that could be other people you see an Instagram that could be people you see on fad life that could be people with like really popular tumblr blogs whatever it is you see the way that they talk about their relationships and you're like oh wow that looks really amazing I want something like that and what you don't see is all the work and all the processing all the time that one ends actually cultivating all of those relationships all of the heartache and the failure and the mistakes and the mess ups that made it so they could eventually get to the point where they have this like pretty image as they put it on the Internet but even that isn't necessarily always the case right like the pretty nice stuff that you see online is not always how every relationship functions like actually day to day like everybody has ups and downs everybody has days when they feel more like a dog or more like a sub everybody and I mean that like when a dog feels more like a dog mad that people switch all the time but that you know there's just times when like you know these things fluctuate these things change and you are never going to have a power exchange relationship that looks exactly like somebody else's it has to be your own unique style and I think that's one of the key things right is the best BDSM you can do is the kind that's genuine to you not how anybody else does it not a paint-by-numbers here's how to make my relationship look like this person's relationship but really looking inside and going what do I need and what can I give to a partner because those things might be on a line to those things might not always match up we can have things that we want that we aren't necessarily a mistake currently to give or to receive from somebody else so it's about what you can have it's about what you can give it's about what you're capable of handling at any given time and what your natural inclinations are like you can have a power exchange relationship were you talking punishments mind-blowing right you can have a power exchange relationship without punishments if that's the relationship that you want and you were able to maintain a sense of your power exchange without that being present you can have a power exchange relationship without using any titles you can have a power exchange relationship where you only do it once a month you can have a power so you really chew this everyday you can have a power exchange relationship that comes in so many different types and forms and shapes and sizes and it's about finding whatever is genuine in that because as a domme as a top as a master as an owner that is going to make you more confident which means you are going to be able to better execute whatever power change relationship you've negotiated for and if you are a submissive a slave a bottom a pet a little of whatever when you have confidence that you are negotiating the right thing when you know this is a relationship you want to commit to you are going to be a lot more fulfilled in that relationship and you're going to feel much more fulfilled in that portion of your headspace that you are engaging in this was really long rambling video I don't know if I made all the points that I wanted to make I guess really it would probably just be me screaming at the camera power exchange doesn't have to be 24/7 it can be whatever you want it to be and if you're new don't try to do what people have been doing this for five years are doing I don't know why I'm trying to sing when I'm sick but there you go I have serenaded you my wonderful audience about Pyrrha shaped relationships I mentioned I'm sick and that's probably also making me a little bit loopy but I just want to end this one kind of like a fun light-hearted note because I wanted this to be sort of a fun light-hearted little discussion here hopefully this helped clarify something if you have been under the impression that like Power Exchange has to look one way you don't need a structure you don't need protocol you don't need rules right away just that will come with time just focus on like bonding with your partner having good scenes discovering yourself learning growing and eventually all that will come a time you don't have to do it right away in order to start experimenting with Power Exchange did you guys have any other like comments or questions or thoughts I would love to hear from you all in the comment section down below I do my best to read every single comment because it's one of my favorite parts about making these videos and especially if you have been starting to experiment with Power Exchange I would love to hear from you if you were kind of under this impression or like what your approach has been to power exchange or just other thoughts that you might have it but I really like to know because I think this could be the start of a really great conversation with like a bunch of other videos in it and follow-up responses and everything else so I would love to hear from you if you like this video if you want to see more from me I make videos twice a week so please to subscribe and if you really like this if you want to support my channel the best way you can do that is through patreon link to that will be down below YouTube is a hot mess and I never know on a daily basis if I will be allowed to stay on this platform or not so if you want to support me and help me be able to keep making content despite whatever YouTube is up to you can do that on patreon and then over there I am also able to give you guys extra bonus perks and rewards like photoshoots and extra videos and livestreams which I'm literally about to go do in like 10 minutes so that's gonna be fun I might see you there although this is going to be like way in the future after I've done this livestream so oh well it is what it is thank you guys so much for watching and if you do already support me over on patreon thank you so so much it means the absolute world to me and until I see you guys next time hope you have a great rest of your day and a great rest of your week bye 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