at the end of the day be a pro if you be a pro in everything you do it gives you the accountability it gives you the ownership and it gives you an opportunity to be the person that people are trying to emulate people are trying to be like what was your first experience at War like you'd hear all this stuff on the news about wmds and oil and all of this and none of that mattered your political views don't matter your religion doesn't matter your race color creed doesn't matter these dudes are trying to kill your ass all fuing day and that reality is really what I needed the only thing that's going to protect me is have I exhausted all my resources are we all as trained as we can be yeah am I physically fit yeah am I mentally in tune with everything around me yes can't do anything more than that let's go welcome back to Mulligan Brothers podcast and today's episode is with DJ Shipley from SE team 10 so many of you guys have heard this man's story before but today we take a deeper dive into his life the early days his life through and into the military and how he became absolutely obsessed with being the best we talk about greats about like Kobe LeBron Michael Jordan some of the greats in sports and how he applied that methodology and teachings into the military but then DJ had a moment in his life where he stripped back the ego through plant medicines and other methods and today he's this more enlightened version of himself and he still carries these two methodologies but he finds a balance right in the middle that led to this incredible conversation today's episode was powered by hu a quick affordable nutritionally complete source of food and you can find out more with the link down below as you guys know I absolutely love this stuff and it came all the way to Virginia Beach to shoot these episodes with us as we drove 3,00 th miles around America to make these next few episodes happen and if you're wondering why I've got my nasal strips on today is because I'm about to go train for the world's heaviest Marathon you can find out more down below and donate to my son's charity with the link in the description where you can also win the ice bath through the giveaway let's dive into the episode for people who don't know just introduce yourself what you do who you are kind of where you're from and we'll dive a little bit into your backstory as well after it I'm DJ shiple man I'm a husband father entrepreneur Navy SEAL business owner and I'm a knowledge transfer specialist like people always get that part confused like what is a knowledge transfer let's dive into that yeah what is a knowledge transfer specialist yeah it was a term we had in the team for um if you're going to Mentor someone or you're about to give them your personal time and attention that this is not a lesson this is not a PowerPoint this is something I am deeply passionate about and I'm about to invest some serious time and energy into you that's a knowledge transfer session like I've I've spent my entire my entire life the last decade cultivating this one thing I've been polishing this one piece this whole time just to give it to you and so it's not a it's not written down a Post-It note it's not sending an email it's not a it's not a thing you can quantify this is every ounce of this is every ounce of me I've been pouring this one single thing and now I'm going to invest all of my time and attention try to pass it to you for us it's it's almost to write a passage when somebody cares enough to give you their undivided attention it can't just be synops in U he's a lesson giv's me just passing something to you you know is is it a thing that the military guys that I see on TV and on podcasts are just the really well spoken ones or is communication just a really important thing that you guys have that sort of natural skill to it after the fact that you've been in the military I couldn't generalize and say everybody's the exact same for the most part they are most part the guys are very articulate they're very passionate and they really enjoy teaching even though that's typically not a primary role we we get into but it is because the teams are so small because Special Operations is so small it requires an an unconventional touch and a lot of that is it's non-verbal communication it's I mean you met Cole today me and that dude can have a conversation and never say a spoken word and we have countless times hand to the table and just we'll get through this okay you don't have to say a single thing to me I I know exactly what you're talking talk about and a lot of times because you spend so much time with that group and that Community that's exactly what it is like you can have conversations you could never have with your wife or your best friend or your best friend back home because he has no idea what you're talking about you can with those guys you can say anything to them but a lot of times because of the culture the Mystique or the whatever you don't the things you should be sharing you're not a lot of stuff we try to push Nows take the time and share it share the information it only translates to every other thing you do we've spoken so much today about that you know the idea of there was a frustration almost when you all eventually came together and started sharing that why haven't we done this in the longest amount you know such a long time so we'll definitely dive into that one thing I just want to get a little bit of background on and obviously you know the podcast with Shan Ryan you went into this in depth but the childhood I I think there was a few things that stood out to me when listening to that that podcast episode was um the the hero of your father you know like this idea that you had in your head of them being this superhero and the way you used to look at him I'm just curious as to listen into a little bit more about that relationship you know growing up and you know looking to your dad and then eventually treading in his footsteps after the fact as well I think for most people that would have been a negative for me it was positive it's a lot of pressure on a on a little kid to try to follow in Dad's footsteps if you're a professional athlete or I mean you could think like how hard it has to be to be David Beckham son Michael Jordan's son right like that's a in this community inside of whatever inside of the police force whatever you do when you following your father's footstep it's a very hard thing to match up to especially just you know who he was and how I looked at him it was a hard thing to navigate but it it gave you the motivation when you didn't have it like when you didn't know what to do when you didn't you started lose any kind of motivation it's like nope nope too important and it really for me it always gave me a gear to shift into like that was that wasn't the reason but it was the majority of it I mean your entire life it's kind of been spoonfed into you like that's what you're going to do that's what you're going to do that's what you're going to do and then when you do it really limit your option to narrow your focus as long as I can remember this has been the only option we've ever truly talked about like really talked about this so when you get there it's kind of a surreal experience like being 17 years old and getting off a bus and now you're going to Navy boot camp and couple weeks later they're shaving your head and you're on the beach in California doing SEAL training it's very different like my my senior year of high school i' spent on the beach with a bunch of guys getting surf tortured there was uh something you spoke about like when you had friends over you would be doing push-ups and competitions all that kind of stuff is that like a c that your dad fostered or is that something that was like just in the family this is what we do we work out is there I mean is there a specific story that would sort of I I always remember that I mean my dad wasn't this uh this physical Fen I mean he was big he was intimidating he was scary but he was never the the dude was in the gym seven days a week and structured diet and all of that just that wasn't him but he enjoyed a good physical challenge and that was the easiest way to manage a kid with nothing really to do I lived out in the middle of the country it was just me and that farm had a couple friends who were close by but nothing was like a community of people like after you left school it was just me and my sister was about 5 years younger than me so didn't have a lot of people to kind of play with and he was gone a lot a lot a lot two 250 300 days out of the year I mean he was gone it was just me and my mom so anytime he did come back anytime there was another figure in and around me another male he wanted to breed competition so the easiest thing to do was to make us go do something so you know we we'd run up to him like Hey we're bored we're bored what do we do what do we do and he's like let's see we can run down the mailbox as fast as ready to go and we'd Sprint we'd come back he's like oo it's pretty close let's try it again it's like let's see who can pick up that 100 pound bag of feet and run up to the barn and back go and it would just turn these relay races in a little bit of that competition but he was really just starving for the attention it's like I just want to win not because I want to win because I want you to see me win and a lot of that stuck with me my entire life it's like I'm trying to I'm trying to get approval from someone no matter what I'm doing and at the end of the day it's like is that a good thing or a bad thing I don't know but it worked like hindsight's always 2020 but at that moment in my life in the 90s when you didn't have the internet you didn't have cable TV out there we didn't have anything like sometimes the only thing you can do is entertain yourself and I thought being outside and being physical in nature was nothing but a benefit for me it's really what I needed those uh 250 300 days that he wasn't there like what was that that work like on the farm like did that did that Foster you know like a a hustle in you like a understand what true graft is and what hard work was it did but those timelines were so hard to manage and you know if if you asked him he'd tell you I was doing that is young as I can remember I mean from sleeping in the barn with with animals that just given birth I mean all the way through but I mean waking up at 4:30 5:00 in the morning feeding everything we had from horses to cows me we had dozens of chickens and geese and Ducks pheasant I mean pheasants Quail guinea hens we had everything in between and they have to get fed every single day every single night you got to clean out the pens and the only time to do it is before you wake up every single day I'm the one doing that every day we come home I'm the one that has to do that and a lot of it built up a kind of resentment keep come home and add a new animal to it I'm like man I just want to skateboard I just don't want to be tied down to this thing and I feel like every time you come home with a new creature I'm the one that has to take care of it I mean but it was good though like it taught you a lot about accountability like I I can't tell you how many times I've messed that whole thing up like I got to go pull the eggs and I get lazy and I don't do it for 2 or 3 days and he'd make me go sell in the neighborhood and you know it's all good things because it's an intimidating thing for a six seveny old kid to go knocking door to door trying to sell eggs one of them happened to be my uh one of my teachers and I let those eggs sit too long and she cracked one open and a baby chicken fell out of it called the old man and you be getting eggs every day yeah yeah yeah well so and so just called like oh [ __ ] right but it's the accountability like if you don't do that they are Ram a for everything you do everything I asked you to do if you do not do it that happens that happens and a lot of it you can't appreciate until you get older and you look back on it like whether those were purposeful messages or not or just you know happen stanc like everything happened for a reason now I can appreciate it that much more if you don't do this this happens you have to do this and sitting sitting the long clu every single morning you can't push it 15 minutes to the right because then you miss a bus and your mom has to take you your sister's on a different timeline all the things that have to line up and a lot of just just sacrifice your sleep like if you have to get it done sacrifices must be made so maybe you're not staying up till 10:00 maybe you're going to bed at 8: because you have to wake up 4 okay you say you're in the middle of the country you know not really around any cities or anything I mean I had my sister who was five but I mean you've seen it like we're kind of out in the country here and I had a little neighborhood I'd skateboard in but most of the kids like they weren over at my house I wasn't I was any free time I had I was skateboarding how did you find skateboarding one of the older kids in the neighborhood and it was one of the one of the few things I could do in isolation with no one else there I didn't need you to take me to practice I didn't need you to do anything for me I could just sit out there and I love the repetition of it because I'm not a I'm not a good student by Nature I need endless repetition over and over and over and I can remember being young way way too young to be doing this and I used to watch all my favorite SK and i' I'd watch them and i' I get a trick obsessed in my head and I'd write it down like when I do this 25 times in a row I've got it I'd get to 23 Miss 24 start over over and over and over again just that repetitive nature when you finally get it like now I have it I it's like I'm not very good but I am consistent I'm not going to be the best not going to happen but I will be consistent and the tricks that I can do I'll do every time like when I go 10 out of 10 it build build of confidence you just can't ignore like I know I can hit that you sure uh-huh Cuz I put in all the Reps and you know I don't if that was part of my childhood or just part of the the stuff I kind of stole from the old man but you know it's did you exhaust all the resources I've done everything I could it's not for a lack of effort if I didn't make it it's I'm just not good enough I need more time it's not for a half-ass attempt like i' I've exhausted all resource to be as good at that one thing as I possibly can and I'm just not there yet yeah what was the reasoning for not going down the skateboard path versus the military uh he kicked me out of the house essentially and he he told you that was a a line to not cross yeah I mean he didn't like the skateboard thing anyway I loved it because it was the only thing I could do that wasn't being a Navy SEAL right so it gave me a freedom it gave me a creative Outlook where I could do whatever I wanted I could be whoever wanted to I could listen to whatever music I wanted to and I could just Zen out and I would you know I have ADHD never took medication for it and it wasn't until I found skateboarding where I realized like this can be a superpower like I can't apply this to anything else but I can do it for this like I can I can predict my future I can I can read lines that nobody else can see and I'm passionate about this one thing and if I can figure out how to compartmentalize and package this passion for this one thing and make that a universal I'm on to something magical here I just never really had the opportunity to do it it wasn't until I got in the teams that I realized that like you know school was very hard for me math was terrible for me I'm really good at writing you know creative writing stuff like that I can I can pull that off really well good at history but I hate math and overall I hated school I never wanted to be there never had a passion for it and skateboarding was really the thing that kind of sent me over the edge that's what I wanted to do and I came home one day and we kind of got into a big uh a big blowout I don't remember what it was it wasn't anything I'll put it this way I'm I'm 40 now and I've never had handcuffs put on me so it couldn't have been that bad but it was bad enough for him to go to school and I came home and there's a stack of paperwork and he's like you're going to graduate high school in two months and you're getting out of my house it's my junior year the towers that just fell I'm like what are you talking about he's like I'm done you're out you can join a Navy you can get a job at Home Depot he's like I don't care you're graduating two months you're out huh uh okay guess I'm going to be a seal he's I don't care what you do you don't have to be a seal so when I joined and if you talk to anybody who was in the Special Operations Community I'd say 90% of them they join with a contract guaranteeing them a slot the buds like you're guaranteed you graduate this pass this test you go a buzz I didn't have any of that I had nothing but waivers and there was no guarantee and I went to boot camp on a whim like it was essentially a handshake deal like yeah when I get there take the take the screen test like everybody else and you'll pass it and you'll get through and not advised by anybody who wants to join the military that is not the it's not the best way to do it definitely not the safe option I did graduated uh graduated high school like two months later and I think in that process I kind of Switched in CU he initially he didn't care what I did join Marine Corp join the regular Navy I don't care don't go to buds go to buds I don't care and I think about two weeks after that I made the shift I was like well if you're going to boot me out of here I'll just do it now like I didn't I wanted to go to San Diego I wanted to try to be a skateboarder if you're not going to let me do that then I'll just be a seal that was essentially my fallback plan and I just started training every day we did the most unconventional things but I mean he knew how to get through it I mean we'd sat on the on the living room table with u he'd put weights on the end of my feet and I do ankle rotations to strengthen up your ankles for Finning swimming the fins on just the whole thing just really really getting ready for it and I was always kind of spiritual not religious by any stretch but very spirit ual and I do these deep meditation walks where I would just Envision how cold the water was what the sand felt like what it sounded like cuz I've heard buds in my mind a million times I've seen the videos I've grown up around it and I knew what the end state was I just didn't know all the different actual steps I had to take to get there I knew we went the buds I knew all the all the big pieces cuz I've grown up in it and a lot of that was it was the unknown like I know but I don't know I understand the finished article what I want to be I just don't know every single step to get there and the unknown was hard for me so when I went out to California I was very different than most kids I was very young I didn't know anything I didn't have a car I didn't have a cell phone I couldn't buy anything couldn't buy beer couldn't drink a beer and I basically just sat there in that Barracks room and just focused on Buds and it was not easy for me my buds experience that's what we talk about with like Cole trauma is trauma for everybody difficulty is a that's a personal thing might be ultra difficult for you might be a breeze for me I might even stress it I can just do it buds is like that for a lot of guys buds is like that for Cole professional athlete triathlete you know an amazing swimmer he crues through buds I didn't my bud story was very very different and if I'm being honest if I had to go through right now in the same condition I was in in 2002 they wouldn't even take me now you have to be such a physical Phenom to even get orders to buds now that my whole trajectory would have been thrown off completely just by the time the place how young I was how fast I healed that's really how I had to leg up on anybody is I could get hurt the same way you could and I could bounce back on Monday like it never happen a lot of guys get hurt they just continue getting hurt hurt hurt what does a a snapshot of buds look like like how would you describe it from the outside looking in it is a normal school in the military they have a start time they have end time they feed you three times a day they have cadr that go home to their wives every night I mean it's it's a normal Navy school but from the hours they have you it doesn't feel that way it feels like you're on an island they control they control the weather they control the the tides the sunset they control it all and whatever they want to have happen it happens so you'll wake up at 4:00 a.m. will be your first mustard you go do a we'll call it a circle PT basically out on the grinder big um flat top of pavement the whole class will run in there you have to run everywhere you go you can't walk while you're in buds you're always jogging no matter what they catch you walking gets pretty bad so you'll run in youall get in formation screaming hooting and hollering and some freak will walk out of that building sipping a cup of coffee and he's a physical Phenom at whatever it is he's about to do he's the best at I mean we have instructors that can knock out sets of 40 50 pull-ups and I know people are like no you can't there are people in that organization that will knock out of 25 and hang from one arm and wait for you to quit and just continue doing that cycle they'll do 1,8 count bodybuilders continuous non-stop thousand 4Count flutter kicks and they'll just drink coffee and talk [ __ ] while they do it they're on a different level and it's because they understand the process and they're not doing it every single day so when they go on these runs they'll get the fastest dude to set the pace and he'll go down that beach at you know 5 and 1/2 minute mile and cruise it the entire way and you're blowing snot trying to catch up to him and he's it looks like it's effortless so it's they have this Herculean approach that you'll never be able to get there you'll never be able to chase him you're just you're chasing greatness all day long is what it feels like and then I understand the reality like I know exactly what happens at the end of this course I know exactly how that guy really is cuz I've got to see it all these other guys haven't I was like it's not putting on a show and and in the moment you never get to think that like I know this guy cuz a lot of the instructors I actually did know they grew up with my dad and I knew exactly who they were but it's so different when you're in the moment it's like I can't I can't say your name I can't ask you a question I am just stuck in this and that goes on and on he basically go from meal to meal and the evolutions get harder the times get faster the push-ups increase the pull-ups increase the runs increase and times get faster the whole time you're going through you're getting more broken down but you're getting faster and stronger and they're showing it so all the standards increase which you could get away with 3 weeks ago you can't get away with now now it's exponentially harder and basically do that for how long the process is now 6 months 9 months and then follow on training after that so then what was your first experience at War like like was there a is there a long gap between that training and a 2E cycle I came in in 2002 did my initial block of training came through they uh they let us volunteer so we had an opportunity to check into a team early and get right into a platoon and go to Iraq early Iraq had just kicked off so we were just trying to rush to get in Iraq and we didn't hear much like my dad was already retired out so we didn't get to hear about all the daily fighting and what it was really like so a lot of it was hearsay a lot of it was just on the news or you talk to Cadre the new Buzz structures that just came back from Iraq or Afghanistan so they were like the new hot and they'd walk around the compound you just look at them dude he just came back from my ride you know what I mean it's like they always had this aom Mystique to him and then we got there checking to the team was different because I knew a lot of the guys I know a lot of the senior guys I'd kind of grown up with them but I'm not connected to them it was never a hey what's up was never like that and they made it known like some of the guys have known my entire life like gave birth like his wife gave birth next to my mother like really close never just kept him off to the side and then we went to Iraq and I felt like a fish out of water for the first couple weeks I couldn't believe it was happening cuz I wanted it like I wanted to go to Iraq so bad I wanted to go to Afghanistan I wanted to get into a fight and then when you got there I felt I felt so immature and not immature like maturity wise but immature in life like it was hard for me to wrap my head around because you'd hear all this stuff on the news about wmds and oil and all of this and you know all this negative spin they would put on it and none of none of that mattered none of it mattered your political views don't matter your religion doesn't matter your race color creed doesn't matter these dudes are trying to kill your ass all [ __ ] day and it was and a lot of it you felt helpless CU you would just drive these routes trying to get from Base to Base and you would just see this wreckage on the side of the road it's just there's no way anybody survive that not a chance and you're just waiting so a lot of it you get on these roads and you be on a breathhold man is long as you could go and you're just I mean we had one where you'd have these huge convoys we'd be driving and you got the bridge you drive under and these dudes would sit there on the other side of the bridge so you would you know enter on the left side in on the right side you'd come out on the left and everybody would zigzag because these dudes would sit on top and they'd pull pins on grenades and as soon as you drove through they'd launch them trying to land them inside your turret it's like and there's just people up there the whole time so there's nothing you can do you can't just shoot them they're not brandishing anything you're just waiting for a tink tink and that's it so every time you drive under them you're just looking at these people like waiting for something a lob over and just oh God and you'd hear explosions in a distance or up in front of you or behind you you're like oh my god when is it going to happen and because the quarantine and the lockdown they had everybody on I me we went weeks you wouldn't see anybody you know we' do daytime P you'd see everybody out and then as soon as son would set ghost town I mean nobody we've been out dozens of times I never saw anybody never you're like what is going on here like is there anybody even here and then all of a sudden sure as [ __ ] you got to give them time now they all start to come out okay like this is this is real these people are actually trying to kill us all and it doesn't matter why you're here like you're here to try to liberate people you're here to try to make the doesn't matter they don't care and once you kind of get over that you realize that it doesn't matter why you're here you're here and you're going to stay here and you got to finish this entire job and you got to be as safe as possible I think for me that trip to 2005 you know we lost the guys in Afghanistan and that was a huge culture shock that was probably the dose of reality that everybody needed that it doesn't matter how how fancy you are how strong you are how good you can shoot how Elite your team is if you never get a chance to fight it doesn't matter doesn't matter how many kids you have doesn't matter how beautiful your wife is gone in an in and that reality is really what I needed the only thing that's going to protect me is have I exhausted all my resources have I spent every single minute training as hard as I can if everybody here trained as hard as they could and if not why not do you not understand the reality or have you lost sight of it and a lot of that back in the day we'd lose sight I lost sight countless times dranking fighting doing stuff we shouldn't have been doing not being a professional it takes a couple times of really really close call or being jammed up in a bad situation and barely coming out of it to realign your focus these are real bullets man those are real grenades and those are real people that are trying to kill you and if you just not better than they are they're going to get you and a lot of the times it doesn't even matter you understand this timing thing and you can have the best tactic in the world the most trained dude in the world and if you're looking that way when that dude comes out of that door doesn't matter how good you are you'll never see him coming a lot of it you know you don't want to chalk it up the Fate but a lot of it is a lot of it you can't control if you spend your whole time obsessing over that it really to me it weeds down your confidence it's like I've exhausted everything I can and if my plane gets shot down my plane gets shot down there's nothing I can do about that I can't fly the plane too can't do it all but have we exhausted all our resources to take out all the variables we can yeah are we all as trained as we can be yeah am I physically fit yeah am I mentally in tune with everything around me yes can't do anything more than that let's go I feel like the more and more you do it the more confidence you'd build after a while but it takes a little bit I want to dive into the obsession you developed um in a second like of just the details and being so specific but just what I on this point was was there a moment when you were first deployed you know not knowing what to expect and then at some point realizing like oh [ __ ] this is real like this is really real was there a specific moment that stands out to you in Iraq right off the very beginning just the way they flew into country was one of the scariest things I've ever been a part of of me they were yanking and banking I mean flares were going off and it was just part of the protocol back then but I'd never seen anything like that in nobody in that entire group that deploy with us had ever been to Iraq and whether they wanted men or not they've never seen anything like that either it was scary as [ __ ] I we were an hour out they're breaking open over the boxes body armor noots are going on I mean I thought we were going to land like we just dropped a a laning craft on you know Normandy like I thought we were going and nope backed all our trucks off we're on a base okay and it wasn't until you started to see the aftermath like you've been there for 24 hours and you hear about Marine Division so and so and this group getting blown up and you know they're always calling for O negative blood every hour on the hour like what's up with all the O negative blood like universal donor I'm a universal donor I'm just over there farming out blood this whole time it's like because everybody's getting blown up it's like it's just not happening to us we're just missing it over and over and over again it's like are we just that good are we just that lucky and back in the day you didn't know the difference like are we just so trained these guys just don't want to mess with us and that's what a lot of guys would tell ourselves do we just look aggressive so they're not messing with us that's not the truth that's not the truth at all they don't care who you are it's just a timing thing they're just waiting for the next vehicle and we just we never that next vehicle we just missed it and then when Hilo got shot down in Afghanistan that really was the reality check that it doesn't matter the dudes who were on that helicopter guys were on the ground were so good so trained so experienced and it did not matter the pilots you couldn't have pick better pilots on Earth I mean they were the best Pilots that have ever flown aircraft they are still got Shad out the sky doesn't matter like when you take that away you take out that blanket of or you show them that blanket of vulnerability like you're not Invincible dude you are not that patch that flag you have one means [ __ ] nothing it's not going to protect you it will not the only that's going to protect you is timing control the variables all you want to if they shoot you out of the sky it doesn't matter how tough you on the way down like well what do we do control things you can't control like I control my output I control I can control my work effort like I can put as much in this as humanly possible and I can tell you all go the entire way but if they never give me an opportunity it's like that's really what I struggled with is what if I never get the opportunity fight what if I get blown up I wake up both my legs are gone both my arms are gone like I'm 19 years old what I don't want this to happen that was my big fear is that I'd get crushed I'd get blown up I'd get killed and I'd never have a chance like I don't want that as a 19-year-old your fear was that you couldn't prove yourself and so like something would happen before you could have proved yourself exactly and I'd be yeah I'd be some random new guy some 19-year-old Old Navy SEAL and Flash on the screen and be gone but it's not how I want to go out it's not how I want to give me something I want some experience I do want to fight I do want to do this for my entire career and I think most of guys would say that like everybody wanted to deploy I mean so this is interesting to me cuz I've not heard I've not had this conversation before so then after fighting for the first time or you know having that first substantial fight was there a relief h I talked to this not too long ago somebody asked how did you feel after your first engagement With the Enemy like the first time you were getting shot at and returning fire and doing the whole thing and I said it was sign of relief it was like oh thank you God that's out of the way you know just like get into a fist fight just punch me in the face so we can get this whole thing started like I'm I'm all about being on the offensive but I just I want to get into a real fight like let's really go and when it happened I think for one it confirmed a lot of the training you were doing was actually going to work build a little bit of confidence in the group and confidence that I can actually pull this off like that dude has been training for months to kill me he should have and he didn't okay well once we CH it up the luck see what happens two three four five over and over and over like still successful okay like we might be on to something here like this might actually be working and you start to get in behind the deeper layers of it really obsessing over the craft and really getting into it it's like well how do I buy down as much risk as possible you live it become that method actor become Daniel de Lewis like really really immerse yourself in it really really live it all day every day and you won't know the difference between training and reality it's like now your training becomes so realistic it ingrains in you not them not to make it super weird but I mean that's a lot of what it is you'll see guys in training that there is zero difference if you were to if you were to record them they don't know it in wherever on a training Mission Flash Forward to Afghanistan the exact same scenario you'd have no idea where they are it looks the exact same the mannerism is the same if it's a paint round going by them like a paintball or an actual ak-40 their body change doesn't it's the exact same the reactions are the exact same because in their mind it's all real it's like when you do that it telegraphs a positive body language you can't unsee once you see it uh-huh that's what everybody needs to see exactly what he's going to do for real and then when you see it in real time you're like I've seen that 55 times I already know what this is I already know exactly what he's going to do now and they will and you can start to predict the future how best can I support him where can I move to be at that angle where can I do this where can I do that because you now I can read exactly what you're thinking because all our training is the exact same so when I look the 30 ft down the hallway and I see you doing something I know exactly what you're thinking I know cuz I've seen seen it a thousand times I hope you're enjoying today's episode so far it was sponsored and powered by hu a quick affordable nutritionally complete source of food that has absolutely changed my life as you guys know for the past few years I've been drinking hule and this trip was no different we drove 3,000 miles around America filming six interviews running around 100 miles and lifting over 100 kilos as well as we did those miles and all of it was powered by hu Black Edition which is now available in the US if you want to find out more about hu go to the link in the description where you can get exclusive offers let's dive back into the episode you know when you started to get into the obsession and you were really like deep into it like it was it was just everything the switch was on you know we talk about the the switch earlier today but the switch was on at all times 100% of the time when you was in those training moments and maybe you know your one of your brothers beside you got shot with a paint wall or you got to with a paintball what was what was that like when you were really fully switched on like did it did it mean something to you to see someone get hit or you get hit or not like that a lot of it it was a realization like some of the stuff we talk about now is people take those the paint RS the training rounds like their paintballs brush it off I'll wash my pants it's not how it is in reality and for the people that hav't see it you have to educate them so C pretty good run like anybody get hit yeah I got shot twice I got shot you got sh six dudes took rounds where all I took one through the elbow took one to the thigh took one high in the hip let's talk about that actually looks like you just took an AK-47 from 12 feet in the crook of your arm the chance of you ever bending that arm again billion to one chances you ever deploying again billion to one like that's a dishes are done with you my friend like you're not just brushing that off like you just got shot high in the high in the femur like femur shattered you're not moving take three guys to carry you you're 260 takes three guys to carry you now three guys out of the fight the whole thing just starts to Compound on itself it's like now think about you actually coming back see you make a full recovery how you going to be holding it mentally not very good the last time you did this thing you got shot with an AKA round almost died it's a very hard thing to come back from you ask the guys that have been shot craige head and some of these guys it's a hard thing to come back from it's no different than a parachute malfunction soon as you have a bad cutaway get right back up into another them if not you're just going to sit there and relive that memory over and over and over again trains the same way you make it the same way and we'd spin up on some of these training Ops and they're sketchy they're really sketchy and you're trying to solve the problem you're like I don't think I don't see a way of us making this it's like now you have to sit there with that realization just play it over in your mind like there got to be a way got to be a away got to be faster got to be this got to be that you still just chew away at the problem over and over but it is like you come home and I mean I've taken paint rounds in the face before and you come home and it you you got some big bur some big gash on the side of your face and why it's like what happen like I took a paint round then you're in there thinking about the reality of it I'm not coming home from that one I'm not the role players play a very realistic role and that dude would have shot me right in the face and I train my ass off just it's the nature of the Beast man when you get grown people that are pointing machine guns at each other shoot in close proximity chance you getting hit are pretty high like all the little pieces have to come in to make that job as safe as possible and it's going to be very unconventional W be running around with your boots blof it's not the way it's going to be and I think that was the importance of the training like once you saw it like once you got there and you saw the the older guys and more senior guys and you saw their routine you saw what they did it was so methodical everything they did the methodology behind training was so different than I had ever seen before and it only made sense when you heard it okay yeah yeah they're not training to shoot paper targets they're not you're taking in all the environmentals of who that person is how many kids they have there you know it really did it became it became hunting is what it became and it's like you have to treat it like it's the most dangerous game you'll ever play because it is like the quote from Hemingway it's what it is man the hunting of man you hunt our men long enough and enjoy it you'll never care for anything else thereafter that's the truth it there's a lot of pressure on you to do it over and over again my hardest thing was coming back and convincing her that it wasn't going to happen to me CU once you've lived through it once me she's already a gold star wife she's already lived through this nightmare and I just keep deploying over and over and over and you know she hears the wives talk they do that's in the downfall of it is one of your buddies will come home and they'll share with his wife some super close call she tells your wife she's like how's DJ holding up what she oh I heard about this and she's said I didn't hear about that next thing you know the whole thing why didn't you tell me nothing to tell you why would I tell you that try to worry you no you tell her it's dead there's nothing going on here it's boring still going out you just don't tell her like if you're going to get a bad phone call I want to come out of nowhere like Hey we're going out every night it's the best time of my whole life oh my God because then she's expecting it dead bad weather we're not doing anything blah blah blah just tell these bad internet connection is what most guys do it's what I did okay I'm not going to talk to you for a couple days satellite's [ __ ] here so if you don't hear don't worry about it it's not the reality just what you tell them so you don't have to have this weird conversation on the phone trying to talk to them off a ledge cuz it it's nerve-racking for him would you say that kind of thing like it's bad Communications when you knew you was doing tougher stuff mhm yeah if you got on a run where you think you were going out every day and it's like progressively getting more dangerous and more dangerous don't tell them that they don't need to know that I mean you're supposed to not communicate anyway but that's just not reality I mean if you're going to be out working you tell them like I'm going to be gone for a couple days working you just you generally just don't share that information because you don't want them stressed out they got to manage the house they've got kids they got jobs he got other commitments and the last thing they need is to spend 23 hours a day focused on you like you're a million miles away but it's hard though especially when you do want to talk or when you can't talk some of the stuff you want to talk about you can't share with the boys who you going to share with nobody you just isolating that never it's never a good recipe so I mean the the first adjustment back to civilian life you know like when you when you came back had the obsession with the safe the the safety element of you know trying to stay safe doing absolutely everything that you could in your training had that kicked in after the first deployment and no so that took a few so what was your first experience coming back to civilian life um I got a speeding ticket within my first 30 minutes of being home I pulled out of the team I took a left we were all going to go um I didn't I didn't drink a I used to drink Corona back in the day on a fake ID and all I wanted was a Corona with the boys at a certain bar we have down the road like it's all I want so we went to Germany for a couple weeks like get a beer nope nope nope I'm waiting till we get stay side get a Corona I'll be good it's all I wanted I pulled out of that team took a left and started hauling ass down the road and I don't know what was going on I just I disregarded everything and maybe that's just an immaturity thing but there are no red lights in Iraq there's no yield there's no stop there's whatever the whatever you want to do whatever you have to do if cars are in your way you push them off the road if they're not if they're not pushing off the road you put them off the road right so for me I I came around and cars are breaking I'm in the median and like I'm I'm blowing through it's a hard stop at a red and I blow through the red light and before I know it I mean I've only gone three miles got pulled over I forget what I was doing just called 70 and a 45 he's like what the are you doing I'm not going to make an excuse you right now I'm just going to tell you I just came off a plane from Iraq 30 minutes ago and it's my first time driving in last 6 months on a road with actual lights on it I apologize if I remember correctly he was a former Marine and he cut me some slack and let me go and he's like we are not in Iraq anymore dude like you got to be able to power it down I mean I remember sitting there like just taking in all the noise and all the people and all the [ __ ] and I just you kind of just look back at them and you hear what they're talking about you see what they're talking about and you just it's hard to relate to them like it's hard for me to sit back here and hear you complain about that when you have no idea what what's happening overseas I'm not even talking about the Iraqi people I'm talking about marines that are getting decimated right now so you can sit here and talk [ __ ] about our president like it for me it infuriated me like it doesn't matter who's in the office right now we're in that country right now and they're actively trying to kill us all and we're only here so you can sit here and talk that nonsense like I know for me it made me super proud to be a patriot like I think when I came back from that I was really bitten by the bug like I've never been more proud to be a patriot than after I came back from that first stour cuz then I saw it I saw how far people would go for Freedom people had there were some people that stopped what they were doing and joined the military who had no business joining the military some super highle people with some really diverse educations that could have made a [ __ ] ton of money stopped what they were doing and join the Army join the Marine Corps join the Navy to go surf and I thought it was the coolest thing I've ever seen you get to meet him when you're over there the a normal dude just sitting next to you and you're like you did what he's like oh yeah I did blah blah blah Microsoft this and that like VP of so and so what are you doing here he's like I couldn't sit back he's like my father didn't serve my grandfather didn't serve he's like I am not about to sit back here and let my kids fight this war I'm not doing that okay like really Set It Back in Balance like how far people are willing to go though for me it was a huge honor i' say it to everybody like don't thank me for my service was like I would have done that [ __ ] for free I loved it I still do what was the I mean was was there a bigger investment in the the Patriot patriotism like was it 9911 was a specific situation that happened yeah yeah 911 for for everybody I mean like when that thing happened anybody who wasn't beating that Ward drum immediately just got cast aside like if you're not wearing American flag if you're not rocking one off the front of your porch right now like what is wrong with you it became super cool to be patriotic every musician was doing it and it just I mean I don't know if you remember that I mean we ban at at all fast food chains we stopped calling them french fries for probably a decade because they wouldn't get on board with the Iraq War we called them Freedom fries for a long time I do remember that yeah like if you're not on board with this get away from me I mean it just showed like how far are you willing to go like we did it for you you guys going to come back and help us right now and for the people did our allies like there's an unconventional love there that it's hard to it's hard to express especially with the UK guys like we love those dudes they were great man so it was cool it was interesting yeah a huge uh huge amount of patriotism after the first pump I don't go on a tangent but just mentioning the the British guys there is in the UK now and this is a huge difference I see between the US and the UK is you can fly we can drive down the street and most people people have an American flag flying outside their house and you know you see that all over the country in the UK it's it's controversial to fly the England flag it's very we've just in in Nottingham our hometown they've just put this huge England flag on the uh on the council buildings and you can you know as soon as you walk in it's this gigantic flag which is fairly standard you'd expect but there's been a lot of backlash around it it's been national news that this this England flag is flying in England Fly Union Jack you're fine they just don't want you to fly Jack fine yes the that England they some people feel like it represents something else it's racist or you know ex excludes people but yeah the you can't but the way you guys fly you got American flag we've got American flag we got one outside for sure all your neighbors had them it's just a standard thing in America celebrated yeah I mean it should be yeah we talk about that like be a pro in the ownership where you come from we originally started that whole push it wasn't anything about America above anybody else I want German to be proud to be German want french be proud to be French want English be proud to be from England me the whole thing just it's the overall patriotic approach like I don't care where the you're from if you're a patriot you have accountability over your nation and you're representing them with everything you do that's what we need we need people that it's constantly inside of the back of their mind is what I'm doing now represent my country well does it make people proud of being an American what I'm about to say and if I don't I should shut my mouth and not say it just everybody just adopt that policy we' be so much better off is what I'm saying right now about to make the country better no then don't say it yeah I I do think the foundation of that of being proud of where you're from is it sets a really good foundation for your family as well like protecting your family and being proud of who your brother your sister your mother are and you know having the same values that you have for your country for your family you know looking after people and I think we again in England it's those kind of things maybe are not there as much maybe that loyalty is not there as much but uh I we could talk about that for ages but I I do need to try and stay on track cuz there's we we've spoken today about the ego quite a lot and how where you are today required a death of the ego but what I want to do is just go into the story of how it developed and how how deep you got with it at one point like it was you really really did build that up up and I think from listening to the story I think for where I I I'm guessing it started before this but where it really started to build was those obsession over the details like the how deep and dark you went with that was really far like you you pushed it really far I mean would you be able to explain of when that started like when you really started to get obsessive with absolutely everything it really started my third deployment we had a we had a leader come in that was uh from from Development Group he came in and his methodology was so different because of where he came from everything that he spit out of his mouth I scooped up as a gospel everything he said because everything he said made so much sense it wasn't Doctrine it wasn't written in a book it wasn't force-fed down your throat it wasn't blouse your boots and cut your hair it was very unconventional and because of the way it was it felt more like a samurai culture like everything he says is preparing you for that everything you do is preparing you for that One Singular thing like well if you take everything you do over the course of the day and everything I do has an overlay effect with the instate I'm naturally going to be better if I stay on topic and I don't let myself stray too far can I justify everything I do throughout my day did I support that did I do Fitness yep why did I do Fitness because it makes me good at that how's your mindset great I'm in a I was in a cold plunge today I was in a float tank yesterday I'm I'm doing all these things I'm getting my mind set and I get my my mental Clarity ready for that so I can process more information faster spending time with a team nothing but time with the team why because I want to know what you're thinking I want to be able to read your body language from 30t down the hallway and teleport myself there to best support you I need to spend time with the team everything I'm wearing everything I'm listening to everything I'm saying does it represent the team and everything I do yeah am I perfect 100% of the time absolutely not but it's that awareness that everything I do has a cause an effect to it if I don't perform that dude gets killed can I live myself that happens no so how do I control that I control as many variables as I possibly can I exhaust every resource I can to be as good as I possibly can be so at least I can fall back and look myself in the mirror and go not for a lack of effort I did everything I could I tried to read the body language I try to teleport myself there I on the flat range I jump I do everything I can to be as connected to this process cuz it's the only one that really matters and a lot of it was purpose-built compartmentalization like I've got to be able to set up walls and boundaries you seen the movie Heat yeah it's Robert dairo from heat don't get attach anything you can't walk away from 30 seconds flop like am I willing to walk away from my family right now get on this airplane and never see them again yeah why cuz I love everybody on this airplane equally cuz I love this job more than I should so yeah I'm willing to sacrifice them and their future to get on a St playing with you because this is the only thing I want to do so when you do that your whole routine really starts to line in it makes it really easy to justify the separation so the the not coming home the staying late of volunteering for trips and extra deployments and staying late on deployment and all the things you do it's because it makes me better at the end of the day that's what you were trying to that's what you were trying to convince well so and so's husband just got killed that won't happen to me why because I train more do you train more than him yeah do you really like no train just as much as me I'm just lying to myself I'm trying to self justify it and I think a lot of it you know if you listen that that episode with Sean you heard me talk about Nick check I think that was the one I had the hardest time with I still haven't processed that I really compartmentalized that whole thing and kind of keep it buried down but he was really the true north he lived down the road he came up and borrow my dog and hung with my wife all the time and he was the he was the crutch I used like why do you do this cuz I have to be able to perform at that level you see him you know him you see what standard we're up against like I have to be able to perform at that level I have to and he was always training always in a gym always fighting just you know he was a pro and she knew it and she knew everybody else who's in that team was the exact same way in order for me to hold the standard meet the minimum standard I have to do at least that I like I can't do that it's a 9 to5 this is not working at some shoe store like I need to do this all day every day it's the only thing I need to be and I justify by telling her that nobody's going to die if I'm a 60% husband nobody if I'm gone and I miss her second birthday she will never know she won't remember but if I'm not there for 16th birthday she'll remember that like it's a weird balance to do especially when it's happening over and over and over again it's like I just I want to do this job until I'm 60 I want to do it as long as humanly possible and I don't want to get killed doing it but if that's what it takes that's what it takes I just I don't want to come home and have to lie about who I am or what I'm doing or the things I'm truly passionate about because it hurts your ego and that's a lot of what it was is I built myself into a character that didn't have any anything externally drawn from him I was single like in my mindset I was single when I'd come home I'd pretend to be a husband I pretend to be a father but I really couldn't because all I wanted to do is go back to work and that's not because of anything else other than I love that job so much and everybody that does does the exact same thing that's why there's such a fall from grace when you leave it because you never tell yourself you're going to leave it it's never part of the plan not for the people that are really living it day in and day out like it's too much fun like the the [ __ ] talk the banter back and forth the the showing up early the staying late the the everything living out of Vans and hotel rooms and skydiving just everything you do together it's the best time you've ever had and when you don't have anymore it's Miserable Now if you haven't set yourself up to to be able to get out and have a successful transition it's it's even worse and that's what happens to a lot of guys is they are not prepared to leave they don't want to leave they never really thought about it you know they come with the idea like I'll get out and I'll work at Goldman Sachs or I'll get out and I'll do this you've never really thought about it you never really thought about what happens on Monday when you're out of the text chain there's no email chats there's nobody that's ever going to call you again and tell you to put that gear on you're never going to do it again that's a hard thing to swallow when you've only been putting that on to the last you know for me 17 years of my life like huh it's kind of a just a real moment it's when you don't want to live over and over again how did I get here how do I get out of here how do I get that back on it's a realization it's never going to happen I mean you fought it for a long long time like there was a many Moments by the sounds of it where you I mean you were actively being pulled aside being told to stop many times and you kind of pushed as as hard as you could to continue I'd say that's my fault I mean that's everybody's fault you fall in love with that job and you'll do anything to stay there it's no different than alcoholic you'll just hide it guys hide some pretty serious injuries I mean I when I was going through training I I broke my feral neck off scottd snapped it off ball in socket and I did another 40 or 50 jumps on it I mean I made it through the rest of the training until we graduated and then I went to the doctor and I was like hey man this thing is real bad and 2 days later we did emergency surgery and pumped in 15 inches of titanium into it like I was not about to get rolled out of that class like I don't care and doctors's like do you know how lucky you are to not get a total hip replacement get medically retired I was willing to do whatever it took to finish that course I did not care how many times have been hurt overseas and blown this out or blown I don't care if I can actively get over there and that's the ego that's the selfishness I think that's a Clarity I have now like you know with all the injuries with shoulder and hip related like was I 100% no no no I wasn't there's multiple times where probably dangerous like I can't reach my shoulder over my head to throw a grenade my shoulder will pop out of socket could you imagine I reach back to throw a grenade and it falls at my feet it's like but you justify in your you justify in your head because you don't want to say no you don't want to tap out and nobody does it's like well if you leave then who's going to fill your spa there's not there's not another one you can't just go pull one from admin there's not one down there now you have a commitment to the team you really just don't want to let go of and for a lot of guys like there's something beautiful in that like that guy is willing to do whatever it takes just because he wants to be here that bad like there something poetic about it and then at the other side when you hear people that they'll tap out or they'll get really hurt and they'll have to do an injury they don't want to do it they don't want to leave it's like now they're forced to you're like so a lot of guys what I do is you just stop associating with them it's almost like a cancer it's like they have leprosy it's like they got injured they got to pull out and it's like whoa no no no no no they're going through a nasty divorce like it just kind of scoot over a little bit when it's not what you should be doing should be reaching out every single day making sure they still feel connected checking in with them but you don't you can't because you don't want their reality to become your reality you just avoid it you avoid the contact wow that's I mean that that's bulletproof mindset that is it's shitty though but that's what you have to do yeah yeah you race car drivers the exact same thing man anybody just yeah I mean this is the thing we were speaking about earlier we was talking about like Kobe and Michael Jordan and some of like the best athletes in to ever exist and I don't know if that's are we talking about that's the way you viewed it personally or is that the Special Forces guys are trying to excel to that level at all times I think there's anybody anybody who does something that they obsess about or that they think that is the reason they were put on the Earth like this is what I'm supposed to be doing you look at an MMA fighter a boxer a professional swimmer you look at Michael Phelps how hard it just be Michael Phelps he talked about it the mental health aspect and just how much you sacrifice to do that one thing it's hard but it takes sacrifice it takes What It Takes and a lot of people they can't thread that needle they can't have can't have a strong family life and a strong work life I think as you're setting that Foundation it takes a lot of a lot of sacrifice a lot of personal sacrifice and a lot of it is just time with you don't bring a wife into it don't bring kids into it you need to sit there and build your foundation to withstand all the other stuff you're about to ask it to do a lot of people rush into it and then that's why there's I mean our divorce rate was over 100% probably still is guys get divorced two and three times in the in the military yeah wow I mean think about it like you want to be gone you want your husband to be gone for six months at a time come home and gone 250 days out a year not try to raise a kid like that that sucks it just does nobody wants that but because they didn't grow up and it they never got to see it like oh my husband's in 82 airborne and you're really going to hate life now Employments increased now they're 9 10 12 month deployments 14mon rotations like people aren't designed to withstand that at the end of the day people forget that guy over there who's getting divorced A Million Miles Away in Helman Province that's a normal guy that's a normal guy with two little kids who has no wifi who has no way to call back and he's basically getting updates from his mother that she's filed a divorce and she's already sold the house and he can't do anything about it like he still has to fight these people every single day it's a lot for people to try to compartmentalize I feel like a lot of people lose sight over that stress is stress trauma is trauma everybody's going through something like now you add them overseas you add in distance it only gets worse only gets worse and nobody talks about it cuz it's happening to you I don't want to happen to me I don't want my wife over there talking to your wife so that's what a lot of it is we start to separate and then people feel alienated they feel like they're alone and it just now that I'll say male mental health really starts to dive down the drain because we used to you had that tribe mentality you had that pack mentality where you know we draw strength and numbers and all of a sudden where did everybody go they've all left like oh God now I am I am on an island alone it's a very scary place to be especially when you've done nothing but team sports your whole life or in that in that profession everything is done in a team very rarely you ever alone now you are o talking about a culture shock and that your lowest moment as well like when you're already struggling and you think people would reach out you think that and now I do I didn't want in it makes sense though like when it comes down to your survival but at the same time it's just so Cutthroat like it's just yeah so sharp yeah it is very cut just uh something that to give a perspective of what deployment was like for you you know being being out there and you spoke about a really really uh shocking story on the Sha Ryan uh podcast you know you shared this story is there any other moments for yourself that where you out there that stood out that sort of would capture it for an audience who have no experience of what war looks like I'll give you one with the human aspect um you would go out and we would we'd build a Target package on we'll say you and we study you sometimes for weeks for months sometimes it's a thing we've been chasing you for years and multiple guys try to get you we just can never knck you down so I've been staring at your face would to say for 4 months nothing but your face people in between but you're the big fish we're all going after the entire time you're up to all kinds of Nefarious stuff you're responsible for the death of 40 Marines and you've done this and you're this Finance year now you're a bomb maker make it up whatever you're doing and I'm staring at your face all day long I've got a print out next to my computer I'm writing emails and I'm looking at you face on my wife I'm looking at you I'm I'm burning a hole through you you're engrained in my memory at this point and then eventually we get a call we found you now we're going to go find you and we'll fly in on a helicopter wherever it is and we'll do a long walk in or we'll parachute in we'll do whatever we have to we'll surround the house and we'll do an assault really really quiet not a sound you won't hear the gate open you won't hear the door open it's eily quiet and whatever happens on the inside if you want to be a hero and you want to shoot it out you shoot it out and at the end of the day you get killed we've got to go through we got to clear the rest of the target the neighbors are coming out they're shooting at you helicopters are flying by bombs are getting dropped and in the course of that clearance you run back and you see all his kids his wife his grandmother all laying on top of him just screaming they don't know he's a terrorist they don't know who that dude is all I see is a four-year-old with her arms wrapped around this dude's neck screaming like you've never heard before like what am I supposed to do for this thing right now I think about it in reverse if a SWAT team came in here and killed me in the middle of the night what my 5-year-old would do like what she would say sound like and it's hard to block that out it's hard not to see the human aspect of it like they don't know he's they don't know he's actively hunting us they don't know what he's doing that's dad that's whatever they call him that's a dude bouncing around kicking soccer balls outside at 12:30 in the afternoon on Thursday I just watched him do it he's helping hang clothes on a clothes line he's doing the everything normal it just when they go to bed now he's doing really bad stuff they don't know that and they don't know that after he's dead all they know is that you with that flag on killed my father that's all they know and there is a burning hatred that you see and usually it's uses the boys I've seen it a couple times and you'll watch them shift from that to you and the look in their eyes when it goes just created a monster like there's nothing I can do and when I was younger man I used to be a lot better at it because I looked young I looked like a little kid and they naturally gravitate to me they just do they see me on there I mean I've had multiple little kids come up and I just pick them up pick them up I'll walk around the courtyard just try to get them in a good spot put them over with the wife and kids but you know try to crack Kim lights try to give him candy try to do whatever and I think about in reality what that must feel like like now I've got this dude that looks like some alien quad tube night vision you know cut off this big beard long hair and you just shot my father in the face now you're giving me a kiml and a packet of Skittles thanks dude like God and some of those things like those are the ones that really haunt me is I'll come back and I'll have a I'll have a reaction I'll have a a moment with one of my kids and I'll remember back like they'll scream they'll make a noise and I'll I'll remember I wish I could speak Arabic I wish I could just tell them like dude I wish you weren't here to see that I I wish I could have just men and blacked you and just taken that memory away from you but I can't man I got a job to do your dad had a job to do at the end of the day it's War man I did not kill your dad because I wanted to killed your deck because I had to and it sucks man because a lot of that it weighs on people and they think about it in real context with real emotion and now once you have a family you see it for the whole picture not know she could do I'm not going to let him kill me I'm not going to let him kill my friends but I just I really wish there was a way to not expose Expos into that and you've also seen it in the polar opposite I've seen dudes be hug their kids and put them as human shield so fast it'd make your head spin they don't care I've seen seen dudes push their wives in front of people I've seen them shoot their wives they don't care like they'll put a they'll put a suicide V on a kid real quick sit him right on the courtyard and Clack him off they don't care which is very different because they don't know that they haven't seen that side of them yet I have like you don't know how far your dad would have gone give him 15 more minutes you would have been outside with an AK like I know the reality now but it's hard not to shift it it's hard not to go back and forth but a lot of that I mean that's a lot of stuff the guys deal with that's tough that is tough yeah I think like you say when you've got kids like you know I'm I'm picturing my son in my head why she saying that and that's that yeah I mean obviously the reality doesn't line up but yeah it's very difficult yeah yeah I mean it's weird it's a weird it's a weird one yeah that's uh and I mean so you you went down you you you finished it like that's your third third tour um where you really start to obsess over the details and you were I I mean I don't want to mess this up but a lot of head trauma was happening because of the breaching yeah everything so and and that was mentally affecting you yeah it now that I'm now that I feel much better yeah now I can really feel the difference you you wake up with a hangover you just you can't shake it out of you it feels it feels like 3/4 of your brain just isn't working like I can't process as fast as I could you know weeks ago days ago hours ago I can't focus anymore like that that add you know Focus I had before I can't pin I can't direct it anymore now it's just everywhere now I'm just in I'm inputting Different information like I'll to a chow hall and people are eating the cups are banging you know knives on Forks just all the sound just auditory impulse like oh my God CU you know I'm having a panic attack like I don't know what a panic attack is but I'm in the bathroom dry heing like I don't know what is happening to me crying in the bathroom nothing's happened to me nobody said anything to me I'm just I'm overcome with emotion for no reason oh my God I'm going crazy but not say anything and just try to solve it real quick try to try to walk back out like nothing's going on like you good 100% and now I'm just going to try to isolate until I can figure out whatever this is like you just keep doing that over and over and over yeah the head trauma was a was a multitude of things we do a lot of breaching a lot of explosive breaching also do a lot of jumping hard openings some really hard openings some Whiplash stuff and then getting blown up you know grenades and being rolled around just that postconcussive syndrome I mean you're constantly getting back bashed up and it takes a toll that you don't want to acknowledge like nah it's not a thing no I'm good I'm good I'm good eventually you're not good and it wasn't until yeah we came back um I got hurt pretty bad I ate a couple grenades and I was had Amnesia I was waking up some weird spots and I had a I had a boss at the time I was supposed to go on a heavy breaching trip like blowing up walls and buildings like really big shots and I think it was the morning we were going to leave and he's like I don't think you should go I no I'm good he's a very intimidating figure he goes let me rephrase it you ain't going Rog that and I didn't go and that was the best thing that's ever happened to me if I would have gone on that trip I'm not saying anything would have happened I was in no condition to going on that trip none I just I wanted somebody to pull me I just I didn't have the balls to pull myself but I was in no position to go you started having symptoms from you know these concussions and stuff and then at the same time you were put on a concoction of drugs and like and it started to compound over time like different drugs were being prescribed for different things and they were messing with each other and all this kind of stuff was happened and the concussions and stuff on top of that so I had all those issues I went to a TBI clinic and like you have depression you have anxiety you have this you have ADHD let's get you on all these medications oh you've got injuries you got fibromyalgia you have all these things dude I came out I I got them downstairs I'll show you pills after pills after pills and some of them like my anxiety was so bad my depression was so bad my pain was so bad and we went through a laundry list of pills until we found one that worked and the very first time they gave me the one that worked it was like Jesus came down and touched me like holy [ __ ] okay okay I was never one of those guys like I'll never take drugs give me drugs if it gets me back to work give them to me I don't care I had dude shove a 14-inch needle through my throat in my brain stem three different times these stellate gly and blocks I've done everything I don't care what it is if you think it'll work and get me to work send it to me I don't care whatever it'll take those things eventually come to where you're taking pills three times a day well now I'm not drinking to excess but it doesn't matter doesn't matter I'm taking pills to keep me up I'm taking pills to put me to sleep I'm taking pills to take pain away you've got nerve pain take this take this I mean it got to the point where I couldn't feel anything I mean I was getting hurt but because my body I couldn't connect my brain to my actual physical vessel it was like a delay so I would you seen like a trailer hitch on the back of a truck you walk around and bang your shin on it how bad that hurts I could kick that thing as hard as I wanted to you could see it my leg would split open there was a delay for minutes nothing that was one of the reasons I got medically retired it had killed my nervous system so we were in there talking to the dock and I grabbed this big metal thing and I was like tell me this is normal and I smashed this thing on my shin five or six times really hard and my foot didn't move he's like do you feel that I was like no he's like you don't feel I don't feel it dude they were doing these nerve tests my foot's not firing I was like I don't feel it so that's the issue is I can't tell if I'm hurt or if I'm injured my [ __ ] would just stop working and my shoulders dislocated it came through my armpits I don't know how bad it is like that's what I'm saying it's like the drugs had put me in a spot where I couldn't tell up from down I just knew that I have to keep taking them so I just kept taking them and then You' build up a tolerance and dose would increase you know I was never at a point where I'm like scratching the cating off these things I just took them the way you told me to and I never stopped and I was on them for a long time I mean I think I got on those pills in 2013 and I didn't come off until 2019 2020 and I did I did six more deployments in between that time I mean I just kept going I don't because that was my new Baseline but I mean I had headaches so bad I mean I work glass indoor outdoor you go to my truck right now there's five or six pair in there I don't leave without them and that was really from the photophobia from the TBI I'm getting blown up that's not what we called it it's like well you got TBI because you have this take this pill take this pill take this pill for that when I take this one this happens we'll take that pill it'll it'll counteract that before you know it I mean I feel like a chemist I'm just mixing concoctions I need something to go to sleep we'll take these three you kind of just get used to it and you know they say that uh some of the pills aren't habit forming they're non-addictive that's a lie you get addicted to not being in pain and then you'll take as many of those pills to achieve that status as humanly possible and that's what happened So eventually the wheels kind of came off and I had to go to a a rehab facility a 30 days inpatient and it's a strangest thing man because if you asked py or anybody who was up there I was so clueless on what they were doing to me the entire time I never thought I had a problem never I was incomplete Deni the ego had a hold of me and I thought they were going there because they couldn't keep me on those medications anymore I know that for a fact and it popped an arrow code and I guess three or four of the medications I were taking you were not allowed to take together he's like if you take it you'll stroke out you'll die I've been taking those for seven years he's like you got to come off me right now so we went through an intensive Med wash out we came out of everything I mean suicide watch me took my shoelaces I mean it was it was a no [ __ ] impatient and I remember sitting there and uh telling the nurse I'm like I don't get what the big deal is I don't know why we have to do this like just stop give me the meds I'm fine and I remember her looking at me shaking her head and she's like oh honey you don't know what this is do you she's like you'll see 3 days later I'm pissing the bed I'm throwing up all over the place I mean I am in full Med detox and the entire time I'm telling myself I'm telling the Nur nurses I have food poisoning they're just they're so sweet to me they're just shaking her head cleaning my face like I know honey it's fine you'll get better you'll get better I was like that for two weeks dude no food poisoning just all the meds in my cyst my body just purging them all out when I came out of that thing I was like oh God like well there's still three or four meds you have to stay on forever and that's kind of what I I went with when I came out of there just stayed on those meds and it just compounded kept getting worse and worse and worse yeah did the pain come back you know for those three weeks what was that like humbling because I was young me I joined at 17 and by the time I get by the time I got to that point I'd already had you know a handful of surgeries couple in my stomach two of my hips my shoulders collarbones stuff like that and by the time I woke up and I would walk I would feel what my normal state was and it was not good like this is not where I want to be and then I think about these guys he's retired you know athletes and I see them walking around normal living full lives I can't do this like I do not want to do this and I didn't know what it was there's something happening with me physically like I don't want to be like this I don't want to feel like this I don't want to play this game anymore and I really started to get more and more depressed and I think it was once you took away the medication there was such a gap from my brain to my vessel and there was no blocking in between but I couldn't control them it's like I'm not synced up what am I going to to do like I've got these negative thoughts in my head my physical vessel is not going to propel me anywhere I can't do anything like I'm still broken I'm weak you know I lost a [ __ ] ton of weight I just I felt like death I didn't want to do any of this and then I met Vernon and that whole kind of process started got back in the gym 5 days a week some intense rehab a lot of physical therapy a lot of mindset coaching and then I started to pull out of it like the better I got physically the better I got mentally okay I don't have any drugs I don't have any alcohol there's no nicotine there's nothing else right now let's see what I can do with just this just diet and exercise I'll see what it'll do for my mental health and outside of things I could control that was the biggest thing for me if I can keep on top of my physical game the mental stuff overlaps so nicely the worst I've ever been depressed wise is when I couldn't do anything physically I get electrocuted I'm lay in my bed for months I can't feed myself I can't wash myself I can't do anything just circleing a drain it's like if I can get up and I can walk now I have a purpose now I have a reason to wake up okay well I got to get up got to do a walk got to get up got to go to the gym got to get up got to do this once I started to make that my habit started to form a routine well since we're on this journey why don't I make a purpose-built routine let's do one just like how we did in the military but instead of this it's just me I'm just optimizing myself now until I find an inate I'll just work on me that's what we did I don't have a job I don't have a career I'll just focus on me right now and it it really pulled me out of deps we've spoken about um this all day today and I I have a a large audience of people who come to me in their Rock Bottom moments you know their really really difficult moments asking for the the trick to fix it what's the what what trick can I do to fix it how can I change this tomorrow I don't I can't do another day like this and I think you you've hit the nail on the head that it's a just 1% better every day like a tiny little thing one step whatever it is and I really do think I I have not heard somebody say that before people talk about morning routines all the time but in terms of the morning routine or routine being at the Cornerstone of taking that extra one step every single day and trying to be better every single day I've not heard that before and that creating that structure in someone's life and I think it's just perfect advice for men especially struggling with mental health just create a routine that you can stick to and start you know building on it make it better and the the exercise thing as well just having something to improve yourself every single day measurable little by little but it's hard to get that message to people it is and a lot of people they want a quick fix they want take a pill and make it happen it's not going to and a lot of people they set these goals that are so unrealistic you ain't going to make them you don't have the discipline to pull that off and I know it's nice to Hope and want wish ain't going to work why don't you set a goal you can actually maintain like let's go to bed at the same time every day for seven days let's wake up at the same time every day for seven days just do that let's add a 20-minute walk in after dinner let's add in one before you go to work now let's see what's realistic now inside of your life structure can you add a morning routine that has Fitness before you go to work no because of this this and this I tell you to find a little gray area find a little buffer maybe you go to bed earlier maybe you wake up earlier there's something you can do just for you that makes you exponentially better without a lot of effort and a lot of it is micro winds I'm trying to stack up as many micro winds as humanly possible did I wake up the same time that I was supposed to yep did I get my Fitness in yep get a c Plunge in yep 20 minute walk yep protein shake yep diet and check yep did I make my first meeting yep that's 6 things before 10: a.m. I've done that seven days a week every day for five years pretty good man that's pretty repeatable do I do a 20-minute walk after dinner every night M yeah every night that's pretty repeatable I can knock that out do I take a shower every night yeah so why couldn't I do a walk if I'm not going to do a walk do I take me in my wife and I go on the front porch for 10 minutes 10 minutes just you and me like it's pissing down rain the kids are in watch the movie Let's you get 10 minutes you and me let's make it a routine every single night 10 minutes five for you five for me data dump whatever's going on in your life send it to me right like you can build a reasonable routine that only makes you it builds a bond with your partner whatever it's going to be but people don't want to just line it out they want to turn over they want to listen to a a Joe Rogan podcast or Andrew hubman go oh yeah it'll work for me too they're so disciplined and if you don't break that down in manageable chunks you'll never do it and now just it'll be another loss column oh yeah I tried keto it didn't work oh I tried this it didn't work I say with diet all the time best di in the world is the one you'll actually stick to doesn't matter what it is that could be keto that could be vegan that could be whatever you want it to be if you'll actually stick to it that's best die for you no different that morning routine I life has such a big physical component over and that's why I push it so much on military police firemen just overall every day because to me life is about processing information whether that be conflict that could be navigating human terrain at the grocery store it could be whatever it is the better off I am physically gives me more options I can process more information because there's no physical taxation to me processing that because if there is I can already solve it if there's a physical element in it I don't even know what it is I can pretty much get through it CU I'm I'm honest there's not many things physically that I can't I can't grind my way through I got to jump on this I got to push that I got to pick this chi I can do all that if anybody else can do it I can reasonably do it and I think most people can especially you put for just a little bit of effort and the confidence that comes from that is really the key to mental health it's stop feeling like a victim and I say that to everybody else too if you're going to talk about mental health from a fetal position stop stop if you're laying in your bed right now talking about how bad your life is stop nobody cares nobody's going to hear you from there if you're going to talk about mental health get up and do it in the grocery store get up and go interact with people say it to them out in town get up and just move build a routine wake up drive your car 15 minutes go sit at Starbucks and drink a of coffee inside the restaurant do that just people interact it pulls people out of depression they don't want to listen to it like I want to be alone I know you do that's why you've had this depression for 20 years get out and move be around people and see everybody's doing the same thing you are and now a lot of people just want to put in that work and they don't want to they don't want to hear the real truth the real truth is that everybody's got some stuff going on man everybody just be open and share it it's funny people like complicated morning routines and they like to look at this magical morning routine that's all the bells and whistles and I think a large portion of that is because if it's unreachable then they don't have to do it you know there's there's some of that in it but then also is they do like they look at like you say like huberman or Joe Rogan or somebody like that and or yourself even and they'll look at these routines and not realize that you built that step by step for a long time to eventually get there and it fits your lifestyle and it's it's not for everyone but it doesn't mean that you can't have your own routine I think what's lovely about your routine is part of it is a 20-minute walk every most people can do that but then you know some of the stuff in the in the gym that you're doing maybe is a little bit more difficult for some people maybe they need to build up to that but yeah I think people are looking for a magic answer and they look towards people who have these amazing routines and think though that's why they're so successful not not because they built it up tiny little bit every single time and eventually arrived at this root and they're looking at the results rather than the thing that got them the results and we spoke about that today a few times we were talking about it earlier like I've been on the same morning routine since 200 three four pretty much same thing I wake up at the same time go to the gym the same time pretty much eat the same meals been drinking that same protein shake for 14 years I it's my routine because I adopt it because it works and I just I structure my day around it so if and that's people talk about if my day were to shift my routine were to shift if I were to adopt graveyard shift and now my mornings are really at night my whole routine would shift to adopt that we go overseas same thing everything just shifts because it's not manageable I'm not going to wake up at 4:00 a.m. if I'm not going to work until 2:30 that doesn't make any sense I shift my entire day so I can get my full benefit and a lot of that is because guys especially are sacrificial in nature you're never going to take time for yourself never can't take a vacation you can't go to a men's Retreat you can't do this you can't do that cuz you got to you got to provide you got to raise kids you got to be a good husband you got to do this you got to do all the other things and before you know it you've let yourself go it's been 10 years you can't draw me a diagram the inside of your local gym you don't golf anymore you don't play pickup basketball with your buddies you don't do anything you don't have time you don't make the time like before you do that you'll be on the wrong side of 50 and it's over for you I don't want that for anybody you're just trying to optimize your morning routine to give you the most bandwidth so when you do get home now I can be a full-time dad I can be a full-time husband because I'm not trying to compartmentalize or trying to juggle all these things at simultaneous times if I have a purpose built routine then I can tailor it to what I need I don't have time to do full fitness what am I doing 20m minute walk in the morning fasted I wake up an extra 10 minutes early I knock out a walk before I go to work easy the average person can walk a mile in 20 minutes I do three times a day 3 miles a day 21 miles a week anybody can do that like it doesn't have to be hard it's lifechanging though it really is just having that structure I did a talk for um some guys not too long ago and I told him if I could give everyone in the room a singular gift it'd be the power of that 20-minute walk especially if you're married especially if you're married just walk like literally walk out of your driveway and walk 10 minutes in One Direction you and your wife and turn around and come back 10 minutes down floor is hers 10 minutes back floor is yours the best thing you've ever done man it help you digest your food set circadian rhythm you'll get better sleep Kickstart your metabolism and it will actually give you guys 10 minutes to speak instead of being on your phones let's go tell your friends take a buddy I mean that's why I force you guys to do it do the 20-minute walk man it's only going to help you I mean if you sit outside of our shop you'll see them the whole everybody does them go go out on lunch breaks all 15 people big 20-minute walk but it's good it allows them to sink up it gets them outside and it really helps mental health and job stressful man work is stressful if you don't take time for yourself you'll never find it sometimes you just got to make it one last Interruption guys into this episode it is absolutely incredible conversation and uh I spoke to DJ about the charity and I would be um missing an opportunity to talk about it a little bit more as well so I have got my nasal strip on because I'm about to do 12 miles with 100 kilos on my back in a rock right now and I'm doing that for a charity my son's charity the Jacob Mulligan charity where we help bereaved parents get headstones for their babies that they lost and uh it's a really big important cause to me I'm raising money I'm going to be going from Scotland to do the world's heaviest Marathon I'm going to run the final 450 miles of around 60 to 70 pound on my back as well over 10 days if that sounds like something you want to support you can go to the GoFundMe down below and donate or you can also win the Brass Monkey ice bath that we're doing a giveaway on my website ms.com where you donate 55 you get one entry to get the ice bath which is uh for UK customers only but guys thank you so much for the support and wish me luck let's dive back into this amazing episode with my now good friend DJ Shipley something I wanted to ask for for the documentary it was I I want to include in in the documentary like I think the Journey of the ego death and like you know you you're doing that but to do that I I wanted to give the context of the ego and I'm wondering if you could go back to when you were in you know really in the the depth of that ego if you could speak from it as if you you know you in that place like how did you speak about yourself like you know what was your selft talk in that moment when you had that ego when I was still in yeah when you were still in yes so not now just for the cameras just for aw like this isn't who DJ is today but like back then like what how would you you know speak of yourself or yeah talk to who you were typically humble around the guys and when you come home you're the real deal like I'm the [ __ ] reason we're all here I am that job as much you resent it is the only reason you're sitting on that couch without them there are no bills to pay like that creates stability for this whole family and if I don't do it what are we doing I'm not going to Home Depot I'm not getting any other job and if you don't want to [ __ ] be here leave going take the kids [ __ ] go do it before I deploy I don't care and I'd say it just like that if you don't like the way this fing train is going you can jump off anytime honey I'm not slowing down for you and that was really the eego was I had to build up these walls and I had to build up that that in my mind so I could be that I could be that Neil mcau from heat I'll walk the away from you right now as much as I love you and a lot of that is I'd never really show it I'd show in the honeymoon stage and then I saw the reality I was like I can't do that because there are times there are times in that career path where you have to you have to be ready to self-sacrifice and it is a very hard thing to do when you were thinking about your wife and kids so that is what the name of the game was I am not thinking about you and I tell them that now there there wasn't a singular time that I allowed them to go into my conscious thought right on the helicopter on the way into the target never I would not allow them I didn't call them before I left I usually didn't call them after I got home but they weren't on the Forefront of my mind and if we're being honest if you looked in all my photos you won't see pictures of them hanging up inside my room I I try to keep that out of sight out of mind I know that sounds [ __ ] up for me because I do love them and hindsight being 2020 I would have left for them but at the moment I wouldn't have if you would have asked asked me now if I would still in she's like I need for you to retire I would have retired knowing what I know now back then I would have told her to pack her ship and that's really what it took like for me to do that job at 100% to be able to run in and sacrifice myself right now for you I couldn't have anything tie me down and unfortunately for me the only way I knew how to do that was to set up walls set up walls and little pillars they just couldn't get through and I'd come to the door spitting venom out of my face just to keep them away from me I'm leaving on a trip or I'd come home from a long trip we'd get into a blowout I'd come home pissed off about something like why the [ __ ] did I even come home for this am I even doing here why are you still here why didn't you [ __ ] left me yet I'd say things like that because in the back of my mind I thought if she left it would give me full Reign to do whatever I wanted to do inally it's not what I wanted I wanted her to accept me I wanted her to understand what I'm going through but I didn't have the ability to say it I didn't have the ability to sit down and tell her like I'm scared shitless I'm scared shitless I'm going to lose my position in this immunity I'm scared I'm going to die overseas and make you a two-time widow there's a lot of pressure on me man like I don't know how to compartmentalize it I don't know how to get push through this the only thing I know how to do is do this job and right now you're drawing bandwidth that I can't reproduce any other place I don't know what else you want me to do it's not aing basketball game I can't take an offseason like I'm doing the same thing as many times as humanly possible until I get killed or get kicked out of this place what are you want me to do and it was so easy to justify like guys get killed complain for Keeps Man compl For Keeps you sure you want me to take a two we [ __ ] vacation for Christmas I really don't want to take one and that's a lot of what we did we didn't take vacations we didn't take summer vacations we didn't take time off I didn't I never made time to do it because I didn't think it was worth it because it didn't have any benefit in me at least I didn't see it at the time it it so much easier just to no nope we're good I need to focus on this and sometimes doing nothing is doing everything like what do you want to do tonight nothing I want to sit here and watch that TV and I don't want you to talk to me I'm just trying to reset my balance and it's a hard thing for a wife to hear man because they do not want to hear it they don't they don't understand as much as they say they do they don't and I think now that I'm out that's a lot of the feedback I get we get more calls from wives than anything else thank you so much for saying that because now I understand my husband yeah I'm not the greatest dude that's ever lived clearly but if you take me to the and reproduce me like 10,000 times I'm the majority of what your husband is I DN is he better than me is he more well sure but at the at the core the guy who's an idealist who really really loves that job whatever that job is he's like me he is setting up walls he is trying to push you away because he's trying to focus on that right now and he doesn't know because he doesn't have a dial he's only got a switch it's a hard thing now when you leave it now you sacrifice the family you sacrifice your relationship with the kids and that's we talked about today like my my whole Focus now is I'm just trying to rewrite positives on top of negatives anytime I have a negative interaction I try to Overlay a positive on top of it and I think the ego death gave me that it gave me the ability to see for what it is in the time and place that it is and show remorse like [ __ ] man I didn't mean to say that dude I did mean to say that I didn't mean to say it like that and here's why and I'll retract it I'll retract it really quick but a lot of the times I'd never do that before I just I'd hammer down nope nope that's it and it's not a super power to do that it's not to be able to show a little bit of empathy and show a little compassion to people it goes a lot further and we had this conversation when I was in with a guy about being able to crush people crush your enemies and you know physically being able to control the situation and one of the guys had one he goes it's one thing be able to crush everybody it's one thing to be able to control every situation physically it's another to be able to control it and not let them know you can control it I can sit back and I can let you do or say whatever you want to and I'm not going to perceive it positively or negatively I'm just I know that I can control the outcome of this whenever I want to that's a superpower I'm going to hide in the white noise and I'll just sit here and then whenever I want to I'll change it like I wish I would have had that optic back then I wish I would have had the optic to sit back and go I don't need to jump up I don't need to shout I don't need to flex I don't need to do any of this I don't need to do that at all got to have a dial though it's very hard to develop I mean that is the the really really interesting thing especially to me like that's what I I really want to hear about you have more questions on the ego yeah there's what well the the death of the ego I think is is the biggest one so because I compartmentalized my whole family the whole time I was in I was never homesick you know we do six-month Employments four month five month whatever it's going to be gone for 30 days you know jump trips and everything else never homesick never think about it really it's not a good thing or bad does mean I didn't love my wife love my kids I did obviously but I didn't want them to interfere with my process and whatever I was going through like I needed to be an individual right now I can't be a family guy cuz my family in here there's no reason for me to give you any banwi right now when I'm trying to jump out of this airplane like I need to focus on this and a lot of that came with living life like you were single and living alternate lives and that's a lot of the egos I can't be the person I want to be with you right now so whenever I'm not with you I'll be whoever I want to be and I had adopt these different lives I'd go out to Arizona and i' live the professional skydiver life and just had a whole different group of friends and demographics and different speech and different clothes I'd wear and different I would just be different whenever I wanted to be and you finally get to a point where you start to lose who you really are and then you all start to morph together and before you know it like you're combining multiple worlds into one and the only thing I do know is well if I don't like it I'll slam a wall if I don't like this I'll hammer down I'll just leave oh you don't like it I'll be gone for 10 days see when I get back and I just bolt when that's no longer an option when that identity has kind of consumed you you really lose sight of who you really were and why you really started it and now it wasn't so much about the instate anymore it was about just feeding my own ego like well I have to pep talk myself I have to tell myself I'm worthy of all this I have to tell myself the sun rise and sets on me and the only thing that really matters is me and my career and all the things I want to do in reality it's not the case but when you're in the moment you don't realize what you're doing you don't realize what you're saying or the ramifications the impact they have on others you just don't see it for what it is and it wasn't until I went down to Mexico and did some serious therapy taking Psych Al that I really realized what the ego death was and I know because that was the first time I'd ever been homesick when I woke up from iig that first day I would have cut my arm off to be home I've never wanted to teleport back home so bad in my whole life ever I've I've never wanted to be home that bad even though my entire world back home was just in a death spiral it didn't matter I just wanted to go home and wrap my arms around my old lady and my kids and just tell them I'm sorry and I knew I'd never have the opportunity like that was really jamming me up and then we did five mmt that is the true ego death so I think the way I went through it is that I began confirmed everything I'd ever done in my whole life to try to achieve this level and that level was where my ego was setting everything I've ever done Justified this person I've turned myself into how I look physically how I speak how I dress however it's all purpose and I did all of that because I thought I needed to be that person and then when you smoke that 5mo DMT things get very very different because it shows you how small you are in reality and you realize that you don't matter you don't matter at all my contribution to the war effort means nothing my contribution to society means nothing because the majority of it was built on hate discontent and now the whole thing's just turned to negative it's like I never wanted it to be I only wanted to be positive I'm a I'm happy by Nature like how did I end up like this how did I end up like this just having like this self-reflection like and how the [ __ ] did I end up like this dude and then you're sitting around this room with all these dudes who you looked up to your whole life and they're saying the same thing to you like dude I sit in that fing guest room with that pistol between my legs trying to figure out how I'm going to shoot myself to not ruin the [ __ ] ceiling for months dude months and none of you said anything to me never out of all the conversations we had all the times we've been deployed all the times we sit on 8 hour [ __ ] road trips just you and me you've never said that to me how how the were you going to let me lay back there and die how it's like I was [ __ ] pissed dude like if you know how close I came to shoot myself back there you would have [ __ ] told me man like that's the realization like if you don't ask and you don't tell anybody where you're going on no one's going to know if you do not give this thing a voice you'll just end up like another statistic back there another bloody spot on the [ __ ] ceiling somebody in here clean up the carpet selling the house that's how you end up that's how your story ends if you don't say it if you don't give it a voice if you're not just open and honest and that's what I did I went down there I smoked that [ __ ] and I fell back I did it five or six times I did it a bunch and it wasn't until I felt myself die and that was the realization I had is I was so depressed I smoked the initial bit and I felt it was right on the cusp and I was still holding on to it didn't want to feel it go because it it feels like you're dying it it's the strangest thing and the last attempt I had that doctor came over and he put his hand on me he's like you got to let it go man you got to let it go and I gave myself a little pep talk and I went why don't you just stop being a [ __ ] and just kill yourself right now in front of all these people and I smoked that last one with the intent to kill myself no I lit that thing up and I inhaled that and and I imagined that all the smoke was purple and I was like I'm going to paint the entire inside of every inch of my lungs with this purple poison and I'm going to hold it as long as possible and when I exhale it I'm going to try to Exhale my lungs out of my throat I'm going to try to kill myself right now in front of these people and in my mind that would have been easier than going back home and facing music and I sat there Indian style in that bed Mexico and a [ __ ] it had the doctor there had all the nurses there's nobody else around just me solo and I smoked that thing as hard as I possibly could and when I hit my head to that pillow everything in my world shattered it literally feels like you explode and if you don't try to control and you just throw your arms at and let it take you it'll kill you and it was the most liberating feeling of my entire life I felt so insignificant on the planet that when I came back to it everything was in alignment everything everything I'd ever done had been forgiven every past indiscretion every bound or every ounce of guilt judgment resentment I've ever held for anybody was gone in an instant and none of it mattered none of it and it was crystal clear in my mind the only thing that did matter with the people that I wanted to associate with the only thing I truly give a [ __ ] at all is my wife my two kids that's it nothing else matters and now I have to go back and figure out how I'm going to solve this it's like I don't know if it can be solved I think when I pull back this thre and she sees what I've really been doing how bad I've really gotten I don't think she'll take me back and that was the scariest moment it's like now that I've hit this new found this new found me with this Clarity and this sobriety and this this different outlook on life will it even be accepted that's what was terrifying all this work I've done as far as I've come as good as I feel as sober as I am it's all for nothing now you're going to have to go and face some music now and that was the hardest same for me but that ego death from where I thought I was to where I ended up you'd have to do it to know you would but from from who I was 24 hours prior to that guy couldn't be farther farther apart my wife would tell you when I walked on the back of that truck this the very first thing she did she pulled off my sunglasses and she pulled them off and started balling my eyes were jet black dude I mean I before and after picture somewhere they were black and that's what everybody says you lose all the color in your eyes you lose all the consistency you don't Focus your eyes anymore you you just walk on this blank stair like you just don't care look like oldtimers at a nursing home just going through life going through the motions when I came off that thing she pulled my glasses off crystal clear I could see everything and she know it she's like oh my God she threw her arms through around my neck and we just cried for 2 hours on back of that truck and from that moment on that has been the closest we've ever been even since the honeymoon stage even since dating we've never been as tight as we are now because we've been through so much together I think that's the strength we have now is there's nothing else to go through we've gone through everything everything that we could have gone through we've already gone through we've made it through like now we're we're the best we've ever been I'm so thankful for it now but it was not easy it was not fun yeah I mean yeah you had this rebirth and then even though you'd had this moment of pure Clarity yeah you still had to go home and face the music I mean that must have been I mean the story of you sat on the on that that uh the back of the truck we spoke about that earlier today as well what do you think would happened if you didn't have Psy there to come and you know sit you walk between your legs as you said and and pull those glasses off the plan if the if the truth be told I don't know if I ever said this I was going to wait out in the water and waste even and cheat myself in the head I just and a lot of that was I didn't have even though I was in such a good spot because of the timing of the whole thing and her finding out about all my indiscretions at the exact same moment I didn't think she'd see me thought I'd never see my kids again and I'll be honest it felt like I was going to be stuck in this prison of Cl it and peace and I wouldn't be able to share it with anybody it's like if she's not going to accept it if she's not going to see it what am I doing here I don't want to continue this like I feel great but I don't want to live like this alone I don't want to have some arrain relationship with my daughters I don't want to do that so the only way I know how to fix it is I'll take myself out of the equation and that was the hardest Drive in my whole life is trying to get myself in position where I was going to make the decision and I don't know how much time I would have G her not long 15 minutes 20 minutes and I just going to walk on the beach and get it done with like there's nothing else to do what was that in on Ro yeah about 15 minutes from here yeah man I she called and I answered I think about it if she would have called and I just would have said not answered it then what then what would happen very lucky very lucky on the time and everything I mean I don't know how I don't know how it worked out but it did yeah but I mean that was the plan going to weigh down was deep water in this whole thing I just you know things have gotten so bad man I just I felt so guilty and I think that's what happens to a lot of people they feel like they're in this corner they can't get a way out of it they don't see a way out of it or they're on a different plane now than their spouse or whatever else and they make permanent decisions without realizing the outcome like what you're about to do is permanent dude there's no reset button you're not coming back in another life it's not like it's over for you I feel there a lot more people if they had the clarity or they had somebody just to shake them and tell them that right now like not right now do it tomorrow do it tomorrow do it tomorrow do it tomorrow the Churchill Going Through Hell keep going steady pressure there's no reason to make a decision right now in the worst has ever been let's work on getting optimal and then make the decision when you're in optimal State you still want to kill yourself we'll talk about it then but don't do it at the bottom do it at the top right take steady pressure and guys are good at masking it they are they are good at hiding it and a lot of the times you have to force them you have to give them the ability and I see in a lot of SWAT Team guys now a lot of guys struggle with mental health stuff like sometimes you have to force the conversation sometimes you have to lie in order to get them to open up and I'll do some some back and forth of dudes like how does that look like how does that look like conversation how's that look like how do I engage with a guy how do I engage with my husband my wife that I've got some mental health [ __ ] going on you just say it why I don't know how to say it I'll do one dude I haven't slept in like five [ __ ] days dude me and my wife been fighting after that call last Tuesday I can't shake that [ __ ] out of my head and it just it haunts me every fing minute of every day I've been drinking every day she's pissed at me she's been sleeping at a friend's house house and the whole conversation just kicks over they just like yeah that thing [ __ ] me up too man CU I can't get it out of my head keeps going over and over some of the stuff that the police and the firemen are exposed to in this country is so well hidden I mean dude when you hear this like now that we work with a lot of police when you hear this stuff they have to deal with I just give them a [ __ ] hug dude like I couldn't imagine that like fishing babies out of bathtubs and mothers have drowned intentionally and they have to go home in 15 minutes and bathe their own kids I've never had to do that and they're in the same butat we are there's not a mental health Advocate that actually wants to hear your issues they're going to pull you offline it's the same thing for them they don't want to lose their job they don't want to leave that team but they're also human they're also married with kids and they have they have children and it's a hard thing to them to we on you know firemen especially ENT this but they see some horrific things and trauma's Trauma doesn't matter what patch you have what fancy School you went to what selection course you graduated from that [ __ ] does not matter and that's really what I try to push out now like people try to put you on a pedestal because you graduated some course or you served in some unit like I'll tell you every level people are struggling every level childhood [ __ ] affects a dude in the special force Community the same way it does a school teacher same thing it doesn't matter doesn't matter you did 10 deployments to whatever that [ __ ] does not matter that thing that happened to you at 6 still haunts you the same thing if we don't get on the positive cycle list it's only going to get worse and a lot of guys they just they suffer in silence you know suffer in silence and misery loves company if we can figure out a way to bridge those two and it starts with just you using your voice like you have to say it my personal experience is um when I when I lost Jacob I I did not feel anything like I could not feel any emotions and I was searching online for this like putting all different terms and trying to write my situation out and Google it and nothing came up no men had shared their experience with it and luckily I found this group where this guy shared a similar experience to me and just him sharing it allowed me to feel something again I you know I could I understood I wasn't different and that somebody else was going through it and I wasn't the only the only guy um so 100% you know share sharing it I think this the something in even if you don't think it's going to help yourself it could help somebody else and I think that's powerful as well knowing that you know what I'll be selfless and share it to try and help somebody else if I help somebody else great in the process you'll probably help yourself as well um I think if if you're okay to talk about it the the effect of the military and I guess it goes for the fire department and the police department quite a few other jobs as well where you can't speak to your own mental health because if you do that you could lose the job that you absolutely love and you've worked so hard for could you talk through that you is that something you yeah yeah in my experience it's like that with every organization they want to wave this mental health Banner like Hey we're here Reach Out Suicide Prevention hotlines they don't mean that literally because if you do they have to pull you offline they have to seek treatment you got to get outpatient impatient they want to put you on meds and now that because you're on these meds you can't deploy you can't Parish shoot anymore you can't scuba dive anymore you can't do that job anymore and that happens to one person the other 5,000 people look at and go yo no we're good we're all good here they're not same thing with a cop same thing with the firemen and that's why I tell these guys now I'm not saying don't report it up but I'm saying if you have not exhausted everything inside of this team to open up communication at 100% who you going to talk to like the six guys that we deploy with I know everything about you six guys like I know what everybody looks like naked I know what kind of shampoo use what deodorant you use I know what you smell like after a a 9-h hour walk through Afghanistan I know you buy smell I know I know whose hamstring I grab middle of night under night vision I mean I know everything about you but you won't share any of that with me why because no one will ever just initiate no one will ever just say it like I think we push on them now like just say it if I can't be open and honest with you then what the we doing here like what's the whole purpose of going through the selection to be a part of this team if I can't just be open with you at the end of the day it only makes a team better you want to talk about non-verbal communication well let's really communicate and let's really understand each other and then we can shut the words off and now I can just read you it only translates everything else even better like now I really know you Vice I worked with you for 10 years but I couldn't tell you where you're from i' I'd ask that to anybody ask them what their middle name is like oh do you really know them no what's his birthday what's his dad's name you ever met his dad no you ever heard about his dead no you don't really know them you're only focused on one aspect of this whole chain got to look at the entire thing how do I get him at his optimal state by truly giving a [ __ ] by giving him an opportunity by giving him a voice at the table and letting him know like but there's a safe space right here you got to say it you got some stuff going on we can help you we can work you through this we're all going through something together let's just get our cards on the table what are we dealing with I've been drinking 12 Beers ton night for the last 10 months like damn what's going on like I don't know nothing I don't start with me nothing how it start start to peel back the onion layer by layer and show them you actually give a [ __ ] then actually start to check in with them and build some confidence in the team they can come to you that's really what it is a lot of these jobs like they're not able to put you on that mental health you know guided treatment because of what happens after that they put you on Med you can't do your job people don't want to do that they just suffer in silence and they really go down the rabbit hole now they get removed they get hurt now they don't have anything and thenne he just spiral so fast like God where'd that happen it's been happening we just didn't do anything we never gave an opportunity or an Avenue to try to get better somebody's got to give it a voice somebody's got to say it that's that's what going to win on Sean Ryan like I came back from me SK and that was my mission like I'll tell everybody I struggle with mental health all the time I do that with these groups too how many you guys struggle with mental health nobody's hand goes help me well that's fine don't worry I'm the only Navy SEAL that's ever struggle with depression yay put me on Google I'll be on the Wikipedia page the mental health guy that's me like I know all you guys are you don't have to [ __ ] me that's fine and we'll start to talk I'll really start to get into it and I'll start to watch these guys eyes start watering up as they're processing what I'm saying I already know you don't have to lie to me you can to me later we can talk about it give all my cell phone number call me shoot me an email you ever need to talk we'll get through it and you'll see a lot of guys will come over like dude thank you so much for that he's like so and so is really struggling like oh you're not okay cool you get the calls oh yeah oh I do calls emails facetimes we get it all and it all comes from a good place because they don't have a person to go to they don't have anybody that will answer the phone call and listen to him with no bias like I don't have any skin in this game you're not paying me for this I'm doing it because I don't want you to shoot yourself I don't want you to do something that makes suicide the new acceptable answer like I've been there dude and a lot of the times the people that talk about mental health don't ever talk about their experience with mental health they just tell you what you should do we talk to me about you getting through your depression well I've never had depression so you're talking nonsense cool it's like taking it's like taking lifting advice from somebody who's never been in a gym taking a dietitian who's 400 lb doesn't make any sense a lot of times they need someone to mimic like nobody expects me to have mental health issues I do I get anxiety I got depression I got the whole thing but everything I do from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed is constantly combating it why do I have anxiety being late why do I stick to a timeline to control my timeline so then I'm not late like how many times people get stressed out and their whole day just gets compounded with [ __ ] because they're 5 minutes late leaving their driveway majority of people they stuck behind a school bus now they're late for their presentation they walk in 20 minutes late they're kids sick they got to run out it's it's all these little things it's like if you set that positive routine it builds in buffer to where you can control the variables well now I'm not stressed out cuz I woke up on the right time I got on the road at exact same time my car was already filled up with gas my clothes were laid out the night before boom boom boom boom boom I'm there with 15 minutes to spare I'm going through my notes like that's how you get past this successful wins over and over and over again it doesn't have to be crazy complicated it can be super easy but as far as the mental health [ __ ] goes that routine will save them the 20-minute walk will save them but at the end of the day if you're not able to say it it's going to be very very hard for you you're going to make I'll steal this one from Vernon you're going to make a hard conversation in impossible conversation just got to say it and a lot of it is just that initial just you know what as soon as he walks the door I'm going to say just initiate it and I tell the dudes that like just say it they're like I don't know how hey Brian I've been thinking about shooting myself like what the f I know dude and I promise you he's not going to run out of the room he's not going to hang up the phone he's not going to put on social media he's going to set the [ __ ] down pop in his earphones and listen to every word that leaves your mouth for the next 45 minutes until he solves this issue and I bet you he's going to throw one back at you do me too he will like there's too many people struggling with too many things right now that people just are not offering them an Avenue to talk about give them the opportunity people want to share 100% I think hearing that from you I'm hop hoping and I know it has already you've said about you know this the work you've already done hoping it opens it up to some of our audience as well that it's okay to talk about things it it's good to talk to people about things um I think once you've done that once if you can just open the door to that that's it you can you can change your life and transform the way you process these things cuz you realize like you say they didn't run away didn't laugh at you they didn't ridicule you they helped you you know and that's human nature I think especially with when it's a a brother or really close friend of yours like that's why they're your close friend of course they're there to help you they love you that's the whole point of it um you had this rebirth you C you came back and you said you wanted to run to the the closest rooftop and scream you know about all of this stuff and like try and share this message how did you start doing that like what was the process of you actually starting to get down there with people and and helping them I started talking about it with everybody went on the Shan Ryan podcast went on a couple of things and just really giving mental health a physical vessel to point towards and give it a voice like I struggle mental health all the time and you should see the looks like but you're but you're this like don't they train you for that like maybe I missed the PowerPoint presentation where they talk about how mental health doesn't affect us I don't know it most certainly affects me it kind of just went through the whole thing and then the importance of it and a lot of the stuff is you know kind of reshaped that whole narrative into being a professional being a pro at everything thing you do and part of that is communication part of that is acceptance part of that is picking somebody up when they fallen down being that on every level am I a professional at everything I do and am I trying to make myself 1% better in all this Fields yeah is my mental health perfect no do I still get depressed yeah do I still have anxiety yeah am I actively combating it you fuing a right I am all day because I understand the importance of it now if I don't have any bandwidth to give to other people there's nothing else to give to them but if manage my stuff as much as I possibly can I try to keep it isolated constantly polishing constantly refining it keep this [ __ ] in a box then I can open up the other 75% of my bandwidth to everybody else but if I don't my stuff's all over the table I can't help you out I'm just I'm in complete disarray I have to have some sort of organization but not so structured that it becomes rigid I've got to be able to adapt every day is things change something else gets implemented restructure my day yeah the V bro thing has been been one of the bigger things we've done and I think the mental health aspect is huge in there you know we tell stories to kind of get guys motivated and you know just how important it is to be a professional whatever you're doing and inspiring the generation behind you to backfill you it's kind of hard to do when you're just spit in hate and discontent all day long and you see people who do that just imagine me if I if I had never gone down to Mexico I got on social media I had this Fanfare but all I did was was talk negative all day long screw this screw that that's fued up this is and I just started that whole hate train everyone that would see me everyone that would associate me would see me as that disgruntled X so and so who spits nothing but hate and negativity it's not what I want to be am I trying to mass-produce that version of myself no not a bit that's another thing like are you clonable would we be better off if we had 25 of you run around I think so if if you're not why not is there anything I could change about myself that would make me clonable well yeah I could polish this I could polish that I can make this a little more refine like generally speaking if we had four or five you would be better yeah that's a good thing a lot of people in this world we would not want to clone those are the people you avoid birds of a feather once you see them once you understand you don't want more of those people running around you have to disassociate they're not going to make you better they're not the more the more more you're around them the more they're going to erode you next thing you know you start to develop their speech patterns everything they do everything they say you start to agree with it it starts to wear on you start to break you down I want people that are better than me people that are uplifting that people that when they walk into a room I perk up oh cool he's here all I want people like that not when they walk in room like it's going to be a long day okay we all have those people in our lives we see them we see them working at the banks we see him working at Starbucks we see him it's like man I hate that you feel like that life can't be awesome if you let it you're just you're jaded right now and I can't do anything to sell can't do anything to save you can't save everybody though the concept that you spoke about today quite a few times was when you were beginning in all of this and most successful or obsessively successful people who are trying to be great SW have switches and that's it you know they're wearing the I'm Kobe Bryant that's it I'm you know everything is obsession with basketball and there's nothing else no family I'm not a husband a father a friend I'm just the best basketball player on planet Earth and you had this exact same thing this this switched it you would flick on and it usually remained on even throughout your personal life and everything and like now you see that completely differently and there's a you have a different concept now yeah dials and switches you know when you're 19 years old fresh of high school join in a new whatever it's really easy just to go I'll be a Navy SEAL the only thing that matters Nothing Else Matters how good I can shoot move communicate parachute dive whatever it is it's a lot of things you really got to be good at and it's a lot easier if I don't have any distractions so let me just focus on this one thing and where a lot of guys make mistake is they try to introduce a family into that foundational phase like well instead of just focusing my first four five 6 10 years on develop veloping my cata my style my Foundation I'm going to try to manage a bunch of things at one time I'll try to get a girlfriend I'll get a puppy I'll buy a house I'll do this I'll take it wind surfing no nope that's why piss a lot of people off that's why I like the East Coast more than the West Coast there's not any you've been here there's nothing to do here the only thing there is to do is focus on work you got the sunny California beautiful beach is serve beautiful women there's plenty of places to go you can rock climb you can be in Red Rocks you can go out the wherever you can do whatever you want to in California lots of distractions not a lot of distractions here there's nothing to do you can't be more than an hour away you're not going rock climbing here go to the Rock Gym go to indoor rock gym go to the the actual gym you go to the shooting range you can go swim I guess you can surf on these ways but like there's not a lot of things to do so you can just focus on that one thing and as you set that Foundation I think it's necessary I think it's necessary to limit your options and narrow your focus I don't want any external factors pulling bandwidth for me I just want to focus on this one thing right now that's the only thing I truly care about because it matters so I'm going to hammer down on this one thing right now and when I'm older and you know hindsight being 2020 if someone could have given me a gift at 17 it would have been the concept maybe not the application but the concept of a dial and not just a switch later on your life I'm going to reintroduce this to you and you'll remember back you won't know how to apply it but I'll show you then just the concept would have helped me like this is not what you're going to do for 20 years it's not and if you are you're going to do this whole thing alone and that's that's a very common thing to see guys 17 18 years in their career single like just a long-term girlfriend' been dating for 10 years not engaged not married no kids then they retire and they try to do everything real real fast that's pretty common hindsight being 2020 if we could just develop this into the switch is great for establishing the Baseline but if I want to introduce a wife into the situation and then kids in the situation A dial serves me much better a panel of dials offer me even more and if we just say that being a pro is doing everything you do at a super high level then I would say that being a husband deserves a professional approach so what would a pro do if your only job was to be a husband what would you do I do it 100% I'd wake up and I'd cater to her every single need I'd provide funding protection livelihood home electricity I provide all the things I'd have to you a security blanket that's my job and I'd Crank that thing all the way over to a tin and I'd live there and then it's time for me to go golfing I'd power down my husband and I'd power up the golf now we have kids it's the exact same thing now there's just two dials now I'm an entrepreneur I'm a business owner I'm a whatever that takes full bandwidth but if I go from Navy SEAL entrepreneur whatever and I take that straight home they don't need that that's not what she needs here she's me barking orders at her my kids don't need that so what do I do I've got to be able to dial it up and dial it down but in reality that's a very hard thing to do in close proximity so the people that work from home that's a hard one so what I tell guys I use my transition times so you've been to the work you've seen a drive here it takes me exactly 10 minutes to do it it's basically two songs by Chris steton I uh I jump in that car I power everything down I check my social media one time I usually roll that at 5:00 I'll check everything on social media so I won't have to do it at home doesn't always happen and then as soon as I get in that car when I put it in drive I change the radio station I put on something super easy something nice and calm and I shut everything else out and I play in roll reversal of what's going to happen when I hit that garage door who's going to be the first daughter that's going to run down who's going to grab me what are they going to say what are they wearing and I start to try to predict the future where are they at where's py with homework like how far they've gotten along what am I making for dinner and just all the interactions I'm about to have all these little micro wins that I could potentially have and all these potential micro fails if I walk in this house with CEO hat on or whatever hat on I'm going to fail over and over and over again and the 25 things I did right from 5:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. I can undo right now it's not what a pro would do if if my only job was to be a husband and a father right now what would you do I'd dial all those things down I'd grab both those dials and i' go I'd hover right at a seven or an eight come to the door hugs and kisses hey great to see everybody I want to do a tea party crank it over to a 10 we're painting fingernails we got Pig ties we got the whole thing brosaurus crawling around on all fours that's a 10 she needs me to come down from homework and we need to have an adult conversation I dial down dad to a three take husband from a seven a roll to attend undivided attention send it what do you got now I'm playing therapist back and forth like okay we've eaten dinner now I'm still at 7 or eight still a three or four let's go on a 20-minute walk you and me cool I power everything down I'm going to be selfish for these next 10 minutes we won't say anything usually the first lap we won't say anything we just walk we just sinking energy I'm just trying to flush out whatever I'm working through right now now it's your turn crank it back up to a 10 give it to me whatever she's got going on whatever she's processing whatever trauma now it's you're undivided attention I'm not texting on my phone I'm not trying to multitask I hate multitasking you can't do anything at 100% you can like let me just shut this thing down let me just solve this issue tell it to me cool we come back in here I'm not thinking about work I'm not thinking about social media I'm not thinking about trips and ammo and shooting or training I'm not thinking about any of that because now I have the concept of the dial and I can power down the GBS St all the way to zero as soon as I wake at 5:30 in the morning w sit it right at a 4: brush my teeth with purpose my whole morning routine I get in the truck the music's a little different now it's a little vco cuz I'm going in for a cal plunge trying to get my mind R I'm trying to scrub out all the hate and toxicity whatever I have going on inside me my whole morning is purpose built they don't know I'm here they don't even know I'm gone so my husband my father di is cranked to zero I'm not thinking about them at all and I know that sounds [ __ ] up but it's not it's because the next 45 minutes are just for me I've given you everything else my morning routine is not about them it's not about Instagram it's not about subscriptions that morning routine is just for me that Fitness is not for you it's not for them it's for me I do it because it puts me on a better trajectory in my life that's why I do it not for anybody else so once I go in there I crank it all the way up when I'm setting up for a deadlift or a big lift whatever it's going to be I'm not thinking about anything else I'm not thinking about the meaning I have at 10 I'm not thinking about the range block we have that afternoon I'm not thinking what I'm going to have for lunch nothing I'm focused on that one particular thing and I have a good lift or I have a bad lift when I'm done I reset and do the same thing again 20 minute walk hover back we got to go into a meeting I've been hovering at a four or five this whole time just allowing my whole self to process now I've got to go into a meeting W crank it over to 10 give you my undivided attention as soon as I walk out the meeting back to a four 20 minute walk okay 20 minute walk 20 minute walk anything happens in between I'll dial it down like I'm not I'm not on my email I'm not on my cell phone I'm not trying to twoand type I'm not trying to listen to your phone call and give you my undivided attention like 6040 5050 I'm not doing that I shut off my email I swiv around my chair and I look at you send it there's nothing else that should matter more right now like I hate this multitasking concept oh I can have four browsers open I can have a conversation with you and I'm on a zoom call no you can't no you can't and if you just stop lying yourself and use some dials and really take some practice and use those buffers in between those transition moments to set the stage give yourself every opportunity exhaust every resource have I really dialed all the way down well no not really cuz I left work I was hateful I listen to hateful ass music the entire way on a three-way call just screaming at these two dudes I pulled my driveway and I walked right in on speaker phone you didn't power down [ __ ] you didn't power down a single thing I mean you can ask the old lady I sit in that driveway I'll put that thing in park and the garage door will open the kids coming out I'll res shut it give me five minutes they'll see in the window like come in five minutes I'll sit there I'll listen to Ludo any out I'll I'll Zen out and like do not show them how stressed you are right now do not show them they do not understand they don't know what work stress is they don't know what I'm dealing with and certain point she doesn't either she doesn't need that she doesn't need me coming in talking about whatever issues we're dealing with none of it matters what she needs is 100% focus on her and these kids right now the only way that I figured out how to do it is is to really take a conscious effort on Di and switches everything I do is purpose built everything I do in my morning routine is so I can control my optimal end State and so I can have bandwidth for other people and once I do that I swear to God it's like a superpower like I can really dial this thing up and I can really dial it back and I can do nothing and I can just recharge my batteries and a lot of That's The Company You Keep people are Chargers people are drainers you met Vernon today Vernon's a charger he walks in you automatically feel better I can plug in him and I leave every conversation I feel better some people walk into a room it's like God when's this dude going to live you must have to do a one forone trade-off but now you know that now you recognize it that's just a hide and state of awareness that's not some some secret Navy SEAL [ __ ] that's just normal people reading off the room it's like when you know that Pam is terrible and every time she walks around you feel worse avoid her just avoid her and it's not hid in your head and saying it's purpose built like I'm avoiding conflict because I know it doesn't serve me later if I can't control that outcome and I don't have to associate with her I'm not going to but I have to have the bandwidth when would you recommend switch in for yourself you know if you could with with hindsight with that 2020 Vision at what point did you need to go to to uh dials I think introduce the concept of Di and switches as early as possible if you think they can retain the information they can understand the concept I would say I do not recommend anybody who is sitting their foundation and trying to achieve a high level to try to focus on dials and switches I wouldn't I gave that I gave that to the guys at FSU about dials and switches about in and out of class but I did with a context of you're representing the team and everywhere you go your performance in class is direct representative of this team right like it all matters and if you don't do those dials and switches if you're only thinking about football every day you can't focus on class you have to be able to focus on class so in that concept it is dials and switches but those are the only two dials you should have it shouldn't be your toxic girlfriend or this drama you have here this social media [ __ ] you need to take the two things that only matter and focus on those dials but the majority of people while you're single while you don't have any distractions really focus focus on sting your Baseline focus on the obsession and you'll know when the time is right when you introduce a girlfriend a fiance a wife and she starts drawing bandwidth from you and it starts become a friction point where we'll see before it gets to the point where I need you to quit this for me you need to really sit down and think about thousand switches like okay I've established my Baseline I'm one of the best dudes in the world like I'm hitting my mark every single time but I'm not playing basketball 24 hours out of day I really just need to focus on this game during training during my individual training and during my mindset development at night but the other 14 hours out of the day I can shut it all off and really preserve some that bandwidth and give it to you cuz if not you just run the red the entire time and it's so hard to stay hyper Vigilant and that's not tactically that's just a thing Kobe Bryant hyper Vigilant Michael Jordan hyper Vigilant people that do anything at a super high level you're living inside there you look at neurosurgeons like they're living that world all day long and it's very hard to power down it's very hard to unlick that switch cuz it took you so long to get there it's like you don't know to shut it off you've never done it before we have to put in a couple little baselines and benchmarks in our day that allow us the opportunity to even think about dialing it down like okay I'm on a beach it's vacation we're in the Bahamas there's nothing going to happen to me right now what would happen if I left my phone in the hotel room and I didn't have it for the next 8 hours can I set everything on my phone can I make sure my social media is tight and I can just shelf it and I'll just be a dad with you idiots for the next eight hours and I'll just immerse myself and have fun it's a very hard thing to do if you never practice it because you're sitting here the entire time you just on your phone it vibrates and you you feel like you have to answer you have to repeat over and over and over you don't powered off but if you don't have it purpose-built like by Design it's a very hard thing to get away from it's like why you have the opportunity why you have the clarity to do so start to introduce those Concepts like how can I dial this down how can I dial this up and do them at the same time is a very hard thing to do that's why I use to drive home that's 10 minutes of nothing to do I don't usually take phone calls back home people call me when I leave the office he got 10 minutes to talk actually I just walked into a meeting I didn't walk into a meeting I need these 10 minutes because I'm about to go home and deal with like life man like I'm trying to give them a 100% of me and it's hard to do if I'm on the phone with you up until I walk in the driveway and people don't want to hear that but that's the truth so if I blown people off that's what it is is I'm trying to make time for the people that I sacrific during my whole career because they deserve it it's really what it is we mentioned briefly the the 1% better every day I don't think again it's it's not a people want to take medicine that fixes them in the next day what they don't want to do is take a a bit of pill every single day and 1% better it requires that like you it's hard work but it's it's only it's a little thing it adds up over time it does and a lot of that it's a consistency am I better than I was to day before yeah because naturally I have more experience I have more experience today than I did yesterday have I been living in this vessel for one day longer yeah I naturally have more experience so it could be as simple as that I work out today yep that I do one extra rep mhm did I do more weight than I did last week yeah 3 lbs not a big jump just just enough just enough to keep myself on track am I am I still pushing forward am I still applying steady pressure every single day yeah I haven't let myself go you haven't missed a workout nope you haven't missed 20-minute walk nope why because I said I wouldn't it doesn't have to be this Mor I don't have to climb Mount Everest I just need to wake up every single day with a reason to swing my feet out of bed and pop up quick like I have to have a reason why cuz it wouldn't be better than I wish yesterday because the people that I support deserve it like I'm not perfect I'm an imperfect creature ask anybody they'll tell you the only difference between me and you is I'm actively trying to get better A lot of people just want to sit there like ah it's good enough I said the same thing dude Until you realize good enough isn't good enough you can always be better there's a lot of room on the table man like I can really be better I can be better A lot of things that I never even cared about before let's hammer down set the example goes back to the be Pro thing like that 1% better that's tell the professionals do it how you want to get better than anything do it 10 minutes every day 365 days a year the end of that year you'll be better in 80% of the population that does that one thing doesn't matter what it is like that's the truth it does not take an exuberant amount of time or attention it just takes steady pressure and a lot of times instead of doing it you just want to schooll through IG for an extra 10 months you don't have to you could learn new skill you could polish on the existing skill you could have a better have a better conversation with your kids your wife grandmother your mother whatever A lot of people just don't want to do it it sounds too hard it's like I don't have the time for that don't have the time for that you're not making the time for that same people that you know they want to lose weight but they don't want to dieet they'll go through 40 years of being overweight and then all of a sudden you see them you're like what happened to you and you're like yeah you know I finally did this diet and I finally just stuck with it and he's like come to think of it you know I never really tried before I kind of just stopped eating The Lean Cuisines and I gained 40 lbs back now what I don't change my diet I stick to it and I bring my food with me I drink my water blah blah blah so you just adopted the fact this is what it's going to take yeah takes what it takes you just didn't think you'd be able to do it just stop trying if you make it digestible and not easy but maintainable people will get on board with it and a lot of times they need to see someone show them like it doesn't have to be rocket science it does not have to be so complicated that you couldn't figure this out tell everybody do a 20-minute walk every night after dinner do it for a week do it for two weeks then do it for a month if you're not losing weight if you're not doing this your diet is really really terrible introduce another walk I know you feel better off the walk I know you do I've never had any like man I did those 20-minute walks for a week I really feel like [ __ ] like no you don't never had anybody say that I've had hundred I've had thousands of people call me like change my life me too that's why I keep saying it like I don't I don't get paid every time somebody does a 20-minute walk I only do it because I know how much it's helped me like without those 20-minute walks man I'm not kidding you I would be screwed right now and I just don't want to see people suffer I've been there I've been the only guy on my Island alone I've been there and I hate when I hate when it happens to people because it doesn't have to be like we can get through this thing together but not if you're not willing to help yourself if you're going to lay down the feetal position and cry to me about how hard your life is it's not going to work got to be open honest and we have to be willing to put in some work not going to make it impossible but got to make it working flip into the uh the over end of the spectrum the being an elite what what did it take for you to be the best for me it was identifying a role model someone I thought was the best and then changing that role model every time I thought I was catching them so you you know you set forth this Mentor whatever he's going to be for for me it was my father originally and then I didn't have a mentor I really wanted to be like until probably my third deployment and I got a guy named Barrett that came in and Larger than Life to me I worship this dude it was everything I ever wanted to be and everything that came out of his mouth was like the gospel everything he said everything he did the clothes he wore just everything about him was all I ever wanted to be like and then I move on to a different team and there's another Figure Head equal to that I'll just chase this dude start climbing up the ladder and there's another guy chasing that guy chasing that guy chasing this guy and it's really to surround yourself with people that you want to be like that are positive role models that help you up the ladder very few times have I ever seen people at a high level who stand on top of the ladder with their and won't let you come up another rung I've only seen inors in my life that are always doing this they're always trying to pull you up and the really good ones want you to be better than they were it's like all I've got to do is really show up and just put out just try as hard as I can at the end of the day if you've exhausted all the resources and I can look at myself in the mirror and go it's not for a lack of effort I tried you are going to mess up you are going to fail you are going to you're going to make stupid errors everybody does well how do you come back from just try not to make the same ones again and unfortunately guys do make the same ones I've definitely made the same mistakes over and over and over and now I'm sitting back here as the as the whole picture unfolds going that's part of my story I'm not designed to be perfect I never was I'm kind of flawed from the very beginning but that's some of the beautiful parts of my story is I have learned now that I am here instead of jumping on a pedestal like look how great I am like look how flawed I am look at all the things I accomplish lished what I see is huge flaws all you guys play me on a video game and tell me how great I am like I don't say that nobody else we worked with ever said that nothing was ever good enough we're always trying to be better we're always trying to look for the flaws and try to make course Corrections and I think that's the beautiful thing about it is most of the people that are at a super high level don't realize they're at a high level till it's over the entire time and that's that's the thing I love the most about that particular organization in the team is they get you to sacrifice they get you to drop everything else like it doesn't matter because you love that organization so much you will spend the entire time of your career chasing something that never exists and about the halfway mark around 10 year mark you realize the Perfection you're chasing you're never going to find you spend the next 10 years accepting it I don't care I'm never going to be perfect I'm never going to be there's no number one seat at this team there's no there's no starting quarterback role in this team there just isn't we're all equal here and all I really want to do is play the game again I just want to play the game again tomorrow play the game again tomorrow and that's the thing that's beautiful about it is once you realize you're never going to catch it the thing you're chasing you're never going to hold in your hand and you [ __ ] do it anyway that's the beautiful thing about it sacrifice it all for one more chance to play the game knowing I can never take it with me I think that's what they do do better than than most organizations is they tell you that like you're never going to be perfect you're never going to achieve it and you ain't never going to take it with you still do it anyway that's a power that it's hard to uh it's like loyalty it's hard to Define but easy to recognize like once you see it you can't unsee it like those dudes would do anything to be a part of that they're different than a professional athlete how far are you willing to go the whole way I go the whole way right now that's why I miss it prob the best time my life another question I ask most guests is what's been the the hardest Moment On The Journey for me the hardest moment was coming out on social media never part of the plan never wanted to do it we first started I had my face blurred and you know I don't know what the the end goal was going to be but it was never supposed to be social media like I was never supposed to sit down in front of cameras and talk I was never going to do that and it wasn't until I realized the little bit of showing that I had even with the Blurred face I had so many people reach out because I talked a little about mental health and some of my struggles and coming back from injury and I had a bunch of guys reach out and they're like I really want to see what the you look like like I really want to see what your eyes are telling me and I can't see it through that pixelated face so we went on Sean that was the number one thing people expect you to look a certain way talk a certain way but they don't expect you to be vulnerable for whatever reason they don't expect you're going to say that they don't expect it out of all the Mystique and the Glamour and all the [ __ ] they paint on you that you're actually just a normal dude put my pants on just like you did I F this whole thing up just like you have I'm still back here just trying to make it better am I perfect no man not even close still back here applying steady pressure every single day still doing my morning routine I can always be better always I think that's the difference I accepted I am I am flawed I have messed this whole thing up and I will give it a voice because you won't all the people you're hanging around with with their hands in their pockets aren't saying [ __ ] I'll say it because people need to because I've been the only guy on the island I've been the only person suffering through it with no one else to turn to I don't want anybody else to feel like that so putting my story out on the Internet connects a couple million people to realize like damn that dude struggling with mental health that guy's got anxi depression that dude's thinking about suicide man I killed to have that guy's life yeah from the outside you wouldn't it's not always grass ain't always greener man we're always going through it and that was definitely the hardest part I did not want to put my face on the internet I didn't just I don't like the cameras I don't like the spotlight I don't like that but I've helped so many people at this point and I'd be foolish to say it doesn't make me feel good now it does when people call and they email and they I see them in the airport and they stop me and that's probably the thing that means the most is I've had I've had a ton of people that have come up to me with their families here when their wives there and they'll come up with me like hey man I watch your podcast I really appreciate it and yeah yeah thank blah blah blah we'll take a selfie they'll walk away and their wives will turn around and run back like you saved his fing life like and I know it's the truth she got tears rolling down her eyes I start crying I'm like I know and she's like you have no idea how bad he was yeah I do I know how bad it'll get I've heard it all I've Seen It All I've facetimed it dudes I know and it's one of those things to think that I almost didn't do it and all the people that I could have helped that I wouldn't have helped like I couldn't imagine it now I think that's the thing we push out now is give it a voice at the end of the day be a pro in if you be a pro in everything you do it gives you the accountability it gives you the ownership and it gives you an opportunity to be the person that people are trying to emulate people are trying to be like and that's really what we're trying to push like are we trying to mass-produce you are we trying to put you in a position where people want to emulate your actions and be a better version of you my God I hope so man I hope that's what I'm doing that's most certainly what I'm trying and I I tell this story you me to get into it yeah I tell this story about a fireman and I told it a couple times and give him a name little Timmy Thompson and it's got a lot of American culture in so hopefully hopefully you'll get it but so story about little Timmy Thompson sitting in the back of his mom's um baby blue Ford tourist station wagon he's in a reverse seat and he's probably five six years old they're at a four-way intersection they come to a stop and he hears this thing coming up behind him screaming like he's never heard anything like and you can imagine him mom staring forward look in the look in the rearview mirror and little Timmy just back there he's just shaking he can't get his head turned around he can't see what the f it is and it's getting closer and closer and it's wailing it's blistering out it's 104 degrees the windows are cracked it's stifling in this car and he can hear this thing it's echoing it's like a [ __ ] Echo chamber it pulls up next to him and he sees a big flash of red pulls right up in front of him and screeches to a stop at 45 degree comes up on the median and there's a three alarm house fire right there and this kid sees it from 30 feet he's like looking over the passenger seat and this big ass dude jumps out of the front of it huge handlebar mustache short sleeve shirt looks like an NFL linebacker drops his hat grabs an Axe and throws it over his shoulder and looks back at that kin gives him a wink runs inside that house fire everybody else throwing all this [ __ ] they all run inside from that moment on every every single Christmas every single birthday little Timmy Thompson has want to be a fireman his mom bought him every single firet Tru every single fireman birthday cake every single birthday party you could ever have for a fireman that is what he's done that is the only thing that singular event has infected this kid his entire natural life now he's 17 years old the job fair comes to high school police military got the Marines with the pullet bar and they've got a fireman station he is the first one in the fireman station I want to be a fireman I want be a fireman so bad boom boom boom boom boom I you can see it rading out this kid tells a story about the guy with the handlebar mustache and the axe he's like this is all I've ever wanted to do like this is my calling this is what I want kid graduates 18 years old where is he fire academy going to the fire academy does that entire thing graduates fire academy four or five years on the force he's waking up getting ready to go on duty pulls back his hanahar mustache just a shirt now he's 61 240 lbs he looks like that that NFL linebacker he jumps in a truck he's driving it he pulls up to three alarm fire jumps out sees a kid in the four tours gives him a little wink gives him a little nod he's infected that same kid with the same thing to happen to him and the more of the story is whatever you're doing do it in an ultra high level you have no idea how far that one little wink that one little nod that one little that one little head tilt will infect the Next Generation to come up and backfill you I don't care if you're a banker a baker orthodontist whatever you're going to be if you do it at a super high level the professionalism cannot be ignored it's infectious when you walk into a room the way you stand the way you speak the way you present it encapsulates the entire room it's like everybody is better now that you're there because you're a pro at everything you do and that's what you want I want you doing whatever you're doing at an ultra high level because I want people backfilling you I want you to inspire a generation and we talk about that that job fair concept there was only one of you I'm going to put you in the middle of the Super Dome on a lazy Susan spin you around nurses one single nurse walks up and stands on top of that spins around at 360 what she look like what she sound like what's she wearing describe her in infinite detail tell me exactly who is standing up there to represent all nurses on this entire planet talk me through it talk me through a lawyer talk me through a neurosurgeon talk me through a bodybuilder talk me through a football player talk me through a a soccer player tell me tell me about an Navy SEAL what's you look like what's you sound like like what's his height what's his weight what's his build how long is his hair do you have a beard no beard like tattoos talk me through the whole thing and is everything you're doing right now are you shaping Your Vessel to represent your entire group wherever you go that's what I've been doing my entire life I've been trying to shape what I thought should stand on top of that thing and spin around as a 360 like is it perfect nope but it's what I can control I can control a couple things in my life and everything I have done up until that point was to put me on top of that thing spinning around as a representative of the community I support and the faster people get on board with that the better off will all be it's like I'm trying to be the best version of me because that profession deserves it we have a a slogan that I I've got it tatttoed on my hand as well Inspire change and like the the thing about that for me was I mean there's Lo loads of moments in my life and from the smallest moment was one time when we were when we bought our studio across the road there was this guy who i' to see at 5:00 a.m. every morning and he he'd go out there with a litter picker and his dog and he was a homeless guy and he would clean the park just by you know no reason for it he'd just do it and I used to watch from the top windows I see him cleaning the park and then one day I realized he wasn't there anymore and he'd been doing it for months and he just he just wasn't cleaning the park anymore and he I don't know what happened to him but he'd religiously done that for months and months and months I knew that he wasn't doing he wasn't there at a choice maybe something bad happened to him I don't know but I bought a litter picker stick and I went out there and clean started cleaning the pot myself and he inspired me you know on such a he didn't know I was watching him he just went out there and he did it every single day but the and then on a bigger scale like I've had role models in my life the the way they move into their career or they operated at such a passionate level truly truly inspired me and again they weren't doing it to do that for me they were just doing the job as passionately as they possibly could and that's where for me in Inspire change comes from like if you live with passion and purpose you don't know it but somebody's watching and you don't do it because they're watching but somebody is going to what see you at some point and you know maybe it will be a moment where you get to wink at the kid in the in the car and you know put sling the the ax over your shoulder but usually it's going to be a situation where out of no you know someone seeing you from 100 200 meters away doing your job with passion and go wow that guy really enjoys what he's doing he's really passionate about what he does and I I wish that everybody could have that you know have that understanding that they really can be whatever profession is have that impact on people's lives in a in a massive way I mean you guys are rock stars what you do you know and they I know our audience is inspired by Special Forces like in a massive way I get inspired by professionals I mean like I I've only been Star Drug a couple times it's definitely happened inside the team room I get more star struck by a lot of the wives I'm being honest but people that do anything at a professional level like an ultra high level you can't ignore it when you see it it doesn't matter if you're Han Zimmer if you're Steven Spielberg at an ultra high level you see the sacrifice it takes to be that guy I see all the relationships you've had to you've had to discard I've seen the time away from your kids I see the time away from your wies I see the compartmentalization I see every ounce of it because if you didn't do that no one would know your name no one would remember you you'd be just like the rest of us you had to go above and you had to sacrifice more and now that you have you'll be remembered forever because you are one of these standouts you sacrific more than most but more importantly is you inspired everyone else to mirror what you've done whether that be in the production output or in the actual sacrificial nature of your life like he sacrificed more than everybody else like how many people play back that thing of Kobe about uh everybody going out and burning it down they came into the practice at 5:00 a.m. he'd already been in there since 3: he still did a practice whooped all their asses and stayed late anyway like how does he do this he's obsessed because he's not going to let himself go he's going the entire way and he's setting the stage hopefully to inspire you how many of those guys were on his team went on to be the greatest thing ever most of them once you see it at that level that becomes your new Baseline we talked about back flips on motorcycles impossible impossible impossible now they're doing triples they'll do a quad like once you see it done once you've seen that it's achievable that becomes a new standard the standard is a standard until someone exceeds it when the group exceeds it they become a dynasty and that's really the truth like that standard will maintain that standard until a singular individual knocks that out once he beats it everybody else kind of looks around like well that's possible what if him and six dudes do it oh [ __ ] now they've all adopted the same mindset same work ethics same output it's why they live on forever as they should like we're trying to develop dynasties here how do I get one person to AFF change in all of these people how do I make that infectious where you can't get the taste out of your mouth you have to do better you wake up in the morning you're like I feel unsatisfied why I didn't do anything yesterday to make me better sucks doesn't it yeah what are you going to do today twice twice what I was going to do yesterday hammer down man keep going you've got the motivation keep keep it rolling keep pouring coal Coal into it just keep going keep going I think once you get him going it's hard to get him to stop just set the Baseline let him go I uh I bumped into an old school friend actually just a couple of days before flying out here and um I was on the park with my son and I bumped into him and he said he says do you ever just stop and look at your peers around you and see how far you've come in comparison and I said I stopped and I was like I have new peers like I have new people around me now like I don't it's not so no I don't because the people I have around me now are so much greater you know they're and I think that's really important to surround yourself if you're trying to be great with greatness with people that are better than you people who you aspire to be like the friends that I have now when when I'm in their company give me so much energy and I'm like I need to be better like it these guys are doing that I need to be so much better than I am right now and uh I mean the way you've spoken about your whole career it seems like you've done that throughout just put people around you at all times who are just absolutely great at what they did and I do have the luxury that that place just Fosters really really good performers the military does in general but in all walks of life but that is that is my secret is I surround myself with people that I want to be like your organization and I just I Implement what they do if you look at Kobe Bryant's morning routine if everyone would just stop and whatever it was how ridiculous it is if everyone on the Earth stopped and did that for 30 consecutive days you'd be better you've already seen the magic it already works it's like they've already set the foundation all you got to do is just follow the plan it's like well they wake up at this time they go to bed the same time I do just the stuff they do in between is so much better so much more productive how do they do that well they learned it from somebody oh yeah that makes sense we just do that surround yourself with new people every time you go to that big fish small pond just stay away from that if you're the smartest dude in the group find a different group if you're the strongest guy in the group find a different group there's always someone stronger always someone bigger better faster just surround yourself with those people it'll naturally rub off and it just elevates your game that much more I don't care if you're playing basketball you're playing pool whatever you're doing if you play with highle people your game naturally gets better it just will a lot of people just want to get stuck and they want to make Tuesday feel just like Monday I don't want to do that I'd like to live a routine but not the same routine every day I'm trying to get better every single day and in order to do that I have to keep my look up and out I've got to be looking for new people to chase like oh that guy's really good at that come over here show me how to do that actually don't even show me just keep doing let me watch you for a minute that's really what it is to me that's kind of the meaning of life how far can I get but how far can I get the people around me like I don't want to finish first I just want to finish if all my crew beat me and I came in dead last that is not a bad thing I think that's the difference now free going to Mexico is now I don't want to be first I'm fine with being dead last in this pack because we're being honest I'm sitting the Baseline of what is minimum standard we got a really high [ __ ] standard and that's what we do with everybody I just want you to be better than me because that just keeps me chasing you I don't want to be the front runner I don't want to be the strongest dude in here I'm I'm happy with being average because the average is so high in this room doesn't matter I think that's what people lose like if they don't win they lose confidence like jumping to pool with Michael Phelps you ain't going to win you'll be better though yeah sometimes you got to change your perspective just a bit I think um the the idea of like the backflip you know the the the talk of the the triple backflip is you have to surround yourself with it though like I I I think social media TV and all that kind of stuff is good and it is inspiring like to me it's very inspiring I've always said documentary film is probably the most inspirational medium but when you go and meet that person you're around that person you realize they are blood flesh guts just like you and if they can do it then really you should be able to do it if you were willing to put in what everything that they've put in so I'm I'm curious did you seek out those people did you did you make a point of that of like I'm going to find good people to have around me or times that was one of the lessons that guy Barrett told me when I wanted to go about screening and selection and preparation all of that you have to surround yourself with people that want to be on the same path you are if they're ahead of the path it's even that much better now you have someone to follow you see the blueprint out in front of you but you have to constantly be reassessing like who am I trying to be what's that mentor and then what's the mentor that he's looking at he's not looking back seeing if I'm chasing him he's looking for the next guy I'm looking over his shoulder who he who's the guy he's chasing how do I get in that position so that that Lone Wolf mentality is like can be a a negative to me it's a negative because at the end of the day you don't know what you're chasing if you don't have anyone to chase you're just the trend Setter but a lot of times if we're being honest it's just Flying Blind you don't have anything to reference off of like I'm the strongest dude in my gym you're the only guy in this gym you're you're at a home gym he's like still the strongest dude in the gym like well why don't we go to this gym and we'll see how you compare yeah it's not really the same thing like I'm the fastest dude in my high school you're the only guy on the track team doesn't really add up let's get you with some people and let's really push the pace and see how far you can go and a lot of it if you've never seen how far the human body or the human potential can actually go you have no idea you have no idea what your true capabili you only know what you've achieved so far it's a lot of stuff we do with Vernon how far can I go how how high can I jump how heavy can I pull like can I pick that up like I have no idea I think I can well let's see really really push but it takes someone to know your limitations and know how far you can actually go just steady pressure keep pushing keep pushing keep pushing if not you become stagnant you become really comfortable and good is good enough this is good enough man this is fun like I'm I'm totally content with being like this forever yeah I mean really until the risk of being the same outweigh is the risk of change it's like I don't want to be the same guy forever I don't until I'm really willing to make a chance I'll be that guy forever like I'm not afraid of the change I'm afraid of staying this way forever okay what are you going to do whatever it takes I don't think people realize how much risk they're in of remaining the same that's the thing that it cripples me like to think back of who I was 5 years ago and to think I could still be that person now that's one of the biggest scares I have if I would have maintained that trajectory where I'd be at right now if I wouldn't have surrounded myself with positive people if I somehow would have managed the storm and where I'd be at like nobody I'd want to be definitely not clonable I wouldn't want 25 me run run not back then there are moments in my life where Ultra proud of who I am and what I've done and what I've contributed in moments in my life where I couldn't be more embarrassed I look at it is that a professional answer no why' I do it here stone cold sober I have no idea I think that's the thing that plagues me the most if I look back on the big errors I've made there's only one thing I I'll tell you and I think a lot of people get a lot out of this every single mistake I've ever made in my life that I can recall right now could have been solved with a singular question is what I'm doing now or what I'm about to do benefit my group in any way no does me drinking a six-pack and driving make my team better nope just me getting shitfaced and staying out till 4:00 a.m. in Downtown LA when I've got a wife and two kids at home make me better nope do make my family better no does it hurt my family does that affect my job too so you're actually hurting the team yep the skipping the gym make my team better no taking all these drugs make better no it's like at the end of the day if you just look at in that everything I do physically everything I do in my morning routine is for the optimal instate does that support the optimal instate no what are you doing it solves itself and I had a troop chief that told me that everything you're doing should be purpose built is wearing that t-shirt represent my my group no [ __ ] take it off PR for that right just as simple as that everything you do everything you say represents all of us are you proud of what you just said you proud of the way you act in front of these people no neither way like oh [ __ ] it's heavy man like the responsibility you have you know I'm a steward of people's time and energy and attention and you're professional you spent your whole life earning your position in this team and I just pissed It Away by wearing this stupid ass t-shirt insan this out of my mouth like okay so now everything I do now I just I just ask myself that is this potential to hurt your team my team being my family yeah that's why I'm not going to do it does this potentially hurt gbrs potentially don't do it then I don't and it solves itself like now there's there's more checks and balances I just look at it objectively that doesn't make them better I'm not doing it I'm not doing it kind of a boring life but it really keeps you accountable any scenario you throw on the table anything just throw it on the table just make you do make the company better no that doesn't why the are you doing it because you're putting your individual needs above the needs of the group and that's the big thing that cannot happen if you start thinking like an individual in team setting that's an issue like well I need this you need that or we need that we don't need that oh okay it really does start to solve everything you ever wanted to know if you ever want to be part of a team team being your family your best friend whatever that is is what you're doing or about to do help that team if the answer is no don't do it just don't and I think when people start to adopt that kind of mindset they really become accountable and they really become professional and they really see how important they are to that entire team concept like your position really does matter we don't just grow you on trees we need for you to be here at 100% And if you're not going to be then pack your [ __ ] and leave matters though yeah how far you willing to go for the group how much you're willing to sacrifice to put them before yourself I love that um I I know there's so many things that people can take away from this conversation but I feel like we're just scratching the surface like I feel like I could talk to you forever but um the what I always do is try and direct people in the right direction after this conversation if they wanted to take action what where's the best place they could go like what's the best thing they could do I know you do a lot of work with people at the moment to try and help them with their mental health and all this kind of stuff like with routine and stuff is there somewhere they can click a link and find resources I mean for us mean they can they can go to our website we've got a really good patreon Channel um we put a lot of mental health stuff on there a lot of a lot of these type of conversations lie on there and a lot of it's cuz it's a private subscription group we've got a bunch of different tiers in there and the stuff we get into we don't put on the internet because it's not for everybody it's for people that are really struggling and then we do group chats so we'll get on a live stream I'll bring up five or six topics and we'll just cycle through them so the last one we did was adult mental health dealing with anxiety um pressure to perform dials and switches and we'll just go through the entire thing for a two-hour block and I'll just give you a master's class on dials and switches inside of your reality so talk me through your day and guys will talk to their morning routine like that's not a morning routine you wake up at 9:00 a.m. it's not a morning routine we got to get you a morning routine then we just talk about it a lot of that is that and then anybody who's really struggling with the mental health if you're not actively combating it if you have not set a purpose built structure in your day to put yourself at the optimal side of your morning it's never going to get better man these guys who just they just cruise through life like a I'm not doing this I'm not doing that it'll just it'll eventually work itself out it won't not in my experience it's never solved itself for me I've never just woke up one day and it's like a crank in your neck you just wake up it's gone I've never heard that maybe it's like that for some people it's not like that for me it takes steady pressure every day I mean if guys are interested if you're a service member and you're thinking about going down to Mexico and doing some of that vets um I'll give you a link to that that's the organization they 51 C3 amazing yeah they raise funds to send Special Operations guys down to a bunch of different charities who doing it now that clinic down in Mexico I went to um save my whole life they just did and anybody who's really struggling if you have exhausted all the options and that is something you are able to do I highly recommend it for anybody who doesn't have a pre-existing health condition that might preclude them from doing it I will say I tried everything I mean I tried State ganglion blocks I did acupuncture I did really aggressive therapy group therapy I've taken every medication Under the Sun I've I've tried everything and the only thing that snapped me out of it completely in one shot was i a g a 5 meal and for those who are wondering I mean I went through years of pain management pain medication everything there was I di Copenhagen for 20 years and I quit Copenhagen in 15 minutes I didn't want to I think that's the important thing is I never tried to quit I woke up from that and i' never put another dip in my mouth again the guys quit coffee drink coffee for 40 years they wake up never drink another cup like I don't need it it's weird your whole body body just gets reset neurop Pathways get reconnected just overall it it is like a miracle drug and it won't cure everybody if you're not willing to put in the steps and make course corrections but I tell guys man once you hit the relief once you get any sign of relief you have got the hammer down and if you're not willing to restructure your entire life to stay at that optimal in state I don't really see a benefit in going if you're not really willing to scrub out the things that are really plaguing you like when I went down I mean I canceled 150 200 people out of my life overnight anybody who didn't serve me or serve my group gone gone in an instant I'm not going back I've tried every other option I've tried saving everybody that ain't going to work I've tried saving myself that's not going to work once I got some relief just keep it keeps at relief and live a routine that supports it like now my day is structured now my day is accountable my relationship my wife's never been better we have full transparency I don't have anything to HUD and it is a weight off my shoulders like you cannot describe and the people that live those double lives and live those alter egos you know exactly what I'm talking about when you never have to do that again it's a sigh of relief that Indescribable that I never have to hide my phone again I can say whatever I want to to my wife that is the greatest gift I've ever given myself is full transparency I never had it before I can say anything to her and now because I have the power of the medicine on my side I can say pretty much anything to anybody and I don't care that's that's the cool thing about the ego death is I don't care what you think about me because at the end of the day you don't matter the only people that matter live inside of this house so outside of that I don't really care I just hope people get better and if I can use myself an example of what not to be like or show you a realistic folder of what you think it looks like at the very top and all the struggles and all the failures on the way there and the crash and the Fall From Grace I'll use myself an example I want people to learn from my mistakes and not put me on a pedestal or think because I I did a thing that I'm some superhero just like you I've just been fortunate enough to see the other side of it and I've had the ability to change my entire life in one shot like I'm never going to let that happen again and I hope they don't either I hope they learn from from my mistakes and I hope they take a couple little key pieces away steady pressure like we'll get through this and if you're ever in a jam call me email me might check every single DM on social media every single one me and my wife both just write me I promise you I'll answer back I don't see anybody anybody struggling in it means too much to me I mean that's such a um amazing gesture and I just want to say so thankful of how open and honest you've been throughout all your conversations you've ever had on online but even just today like that is what is making people be able to connect with you like the fact that you're willing to you know show Absolutely every side of you people go W that's me like I recognize that in myself and I I just think those people are underserved and not receiving that because people don't want to talk about it people don't want to share their experience so thank you so much we have to pick this up again at some point um there's there's there's a lot there but thank you for the day and um yeah I'm excited to share this with everyone it's uh amazing thank you guys for making the trip