whether you want your ex back or just want them to regret ending things you need to harness the power of your ex's doubt you need them to not only doubt their decision to break up but also doubt themselves as a person I'm Brad Browning author of the xfactor 2.0 and breakup coach of almost 15 years and in my experience working with tens of thousands of different clients over the years I find that doubt comes into play in almost every breakup both for the dumper and for the person who is dumped and it's often the deciding factor in what happens next now doubt is a powerful force because you know it hijacks your rational mind when you feel a lot of doubt you're not really you know you're not able to think logically all you want is is relief from this feeling a sense of certainty that will you know calm your mind and since you don't know the Right Way Forward you know your best bet is to seek things from your past that formerly provided that feeling of Safety and Security and for your ex that's you you know you're their source of Safety and Security so that's that's really where you want your ex to be you want them to doubt their reasons for the breakup were valid you you want them to wonder if you were actually the one for them and you want them to fear that they missed out on happiness by leaving and more broadly you know you want them to doubt that they're as big of a catch as they actually think that they are because you know if they ended the relationship then right now their mind is telling them that they're the winner and you're the loser in this scenario now this probably isn't a cons conscious thought it's just the natural way humans are wired we're always looking to create a narrative out of any sort of conflict to you know make sense of things and when it comes to a breakup you know an easy story to tell is I'm leaving them in my past because they're not worth my time I'm just going on to to bigger and better things now you need to disrupt this narrative by nurturing their doubt and this is actually not a difficult process because as I said doubt is such a big part of any breakup so how do you make your ex doubt themselves well first up you want to banish your own doubt from the equation now I know you're probably feeling pretty mixed up right now you know you're not sure what you want who's at fault for the breakup who you're even mad at but as we'll talk about doubt can really hurt your resolve and make it difficult to move forward so we definitely need to start by addressing these feelings now if you can clear your mind of doubt you'll provide a sense of stability that will attract your ex like a magnet and to do this you need a plan now luckily the path that I'm going to put you on is not only going to make your ex doubt themselves it's also going to give you the confidence and help you free yourself from that doubt there really actually two sides of the same coin you know the more confident and sure of yourself you are the more your ex will dot themselves as they become more attracted to you but before we get into that I want you to start by stating your intention now this this can feel a little silly but trust me it actually works now we're not talking about you know manifestation here or magic or anything like that we're talking about just clarifying your purpose so that you have something to return to when you feel unsure so decide what you're hoping to get out of this you know for a lot of you that's probably you know you want your ex back or maybe you want to just make them apologize for how they treated you or do you want them just to to see your point of view for once all of these things are possible so I want you to get out a piece of paper and write it down you know how you want your ex to feel where you want to be in a month from now now there's no there's no wrong answers here but knowing why you're doing it is vital and this isn't just a one anddone thing you know some days you'll feel totally confident that you're on the right path only to be hit with doubt out of nowhere like a like a speeding cyber truck and this is normal you just need to Center yourself remember the plan and then keep moving forward but this is going to be easier once you know more so let's turn to your ex now let's look at their beliefs the ones we're looking to sew doubt into so we' talked about how they see themselves as a winner and you as as a loser essentially but here are some other beliefs that they probably have about you and about your breakup first you're not going anywhere you're always going to be there if they change their mind they know everything there is to know about you and you're not going to change you're depressed and broken after the breakup you're probably going to beg them for another chance they're incredibly attractive and they have many many other options whoever you date next will be a downgrade and they're going to forget about you and move on easily now remember these are not all conscious so don't think that your ex hates you or anything like that they're just telling themselves stories so that they can they can get over you now here's how to make your ex doubt these beliefs number one use the breakup as motivation to win at life now I think it's it's totally normal to to let a breakup break you essentially it's such a powerful blow to your self-esteem to to really be rejected in this way and the person that you normally turn to to deal with these bad feelings has now been ripped away from you it can be really really hard of course course but you have two options here you can let this bring you down or you can use it as motivation to rise above it and the same is true of really any adversity in life it's cheesy but you know I like to adopt a what doesn't kill you makes a stronger Outlook it's like building muscle stress and damage are necessary for growth because really breakups are opportunities you know you learn a lot about yourself when you're put in a position like this not only does it help clarify your priorities and your weaknesses but it reveals strength you you really didn't know you had and even if you break down it gives you access to emotions that normally stay hidden so sure you might not have chosen this but it is an opportunity you know breakups give you the gift of time and space and you need this to process your feelings and regain your sanity but don't stop there you know many people spend their whole breakup period trying to return to the status quo but guess what you know with your ex gone there's no longer a status quo to get back to so you need to actively improve your life if you want to heal and get over the breakout you know you get to decide what the new normal is for yourself so really you know make self-improvement your priority set goals and and take the steps necessary to actually achieve those goals put yourself first and stop thinking about your ex and your breakup at least as much as you can you know what do you want out of your life outside of the relationship taking these steps will improve your outlook it'll improve your life and it'll improve your chances with your ex because it'll show them that you're not the loser they thought you were all right and moving on to number two start dating again hard and fast now I know this can be the hardest step to take after a breakup but it's very helpful if you want to make sure your ex doubts themselves and starts to regret the breakout so you know take a week or two and then hit the dating scene again with everything you've got you know get back on the apps ask your friends to set you up and so on you the first date will be the hardest there's no doubt about that but once you've been through that you know through that first one it's going to get easier and it's going to get more enjoyable and dating again will give you confidence that you didn't know you had and it'll show your ex that you do have other options and that you're in demand from other attractive people obviously just don't date your ex's friends because that's going to confirm for them that they made the right choice and that you're not the one for them and number three is don't be pathetic obviously breakups bring you down and when you're down you can exhibit some pretty pathetic Behavior so your ex expects you to be to be needy sad and you know just generally pathetic during this time and that's why I recommend that you be really intentional with your actions I'm sure you feel pretty lost and that's when it's easy to slip into pathetic Behavior because you're feeling weak and it's so it's easy to sort of let your worst impulses take over but if you do follow the advice in this video you're going to be more confident that you know what to do next so you won't have time to languish in those moments of weakness and make mistakes now I'm not I'm not saying you shouldn't cry or vent about your breakup but you do need to know where and when to do so so never complain about the breakup or your loneliness to your ex directly now as far as they know you should seem totally fine with the breakup and not concerned about them at all and definitely you know don't vent to mutual friends or anyone you don't know you can trust breakups are when people start to to choose sides so make sure you know who's on yours now other pathetic in Behavior could include you know things like being too to available for your ex begging them for another chance giving them gifts doing favors and you're just generally bending over backwards for them remember the two of you are broken up so you don't owe them anything outside of basic respect and human decency their feelings at this point really shouldn't be your priority and doing this kind of thing is only pushing them further away and number four uh along similar lines don't fall into their traps yes your ex is going to set traps for you following the breakup hoping to get your attention now they're rarely doing this on purpose but it's a very common thing that you should watch out for because if you do fall into them then your ex is going to look at you differently so for example an ex might post a thirst trap hoping that you'll respond to it or even reach out to them they may want to sleep with you or just get you to pay attention to them but either way doing so is going to be a mistake you can't show your ex that you're you're there for the for the taking they need to feel like you're just moving on and the same goes you know for your ex reaching out just for validation so maybe they'll say something like you know I miss you hoping that you'll respond with something similar now remember that I miss you and I want you back are are twoo completely different different things and many make this mistake and scare their exes off by responding you know too eagerly and finally there's the classic Friendship Trap yes your ex you know may try to be your friend post breakup and you really cannot take them up on this if you do want another chance anyway or even if you really want to move on because they're really not trying to actually be your friend they want to keep you around as a safe backup plan that way they can feel you know more confident moving forward as a single person knowing that they can always go back to you if they fail in the dating world and if they don't end up wanting you back which they won't if if you keep hanging around then they can at least use you for love affection and support while they work to get over you now a lot of people make this mistake because they just want to keep their ex close you know no matter what the situation is but it's really not a good idea you won't get what you want and you'll just end up feeling worse next up is number five which is to accept the breakup with Grace now most people hand up handle breakups with all the grace of a of a beached whale you know they break down crying beg for another chance call each other names it's a it's a big mess and it can really hurt the relationship if it's not too late you know you need to do your best to compose yourself definitely don't get drawn into into big fights resist the urge to lash out basically you should accept the breakup and be amicable don't run away but don't hang around you know hounding them for explanations and during the breakup itself you know you can't really win all you can do is limit the damage so if your ex is getting heated screaming and crying and you know you're totally calm and collected they're going to feel like the crazy one like it's them who's at fault and losing everything while you're being totally reasonable and that's going to flip the script in a big way all right and number six one of the most important ones drop them like a bad habit now many X's will let you stick around almost in definitely at least until one day when you notice they're not answering your calls or messages and this is when you'll know that they've moved on and you're still stuck in limbo so you need to beat them to the punch by exiting their life immediately or as soon as possible after the breakout so do whatever you have to do to tie up loose ends and then you know get out of there stop reaching out to them stop responding to their messages unless it's absolutely necessary you know this really sends the signal that you're not going to stick around and wait for them to figure things out you know they wanted a breakup and they got one and often you know this shock to their system will be enough to make your ex come crawling back to you but even if it doesn't it's going to make them Miss You So by moving forward and staying away from them you actually Prime them to be more receptive if you do decide to reconnect down the road and on to number seven become your hottest self now as important as personality humor and mutual interests are attraction is what Drew your ex to you in the first place but you know after you spend enough time with another person you stop being able to really see them and and that attention can fade into the background and since a breakup brings out the worst in people it's going to hurt your ex's attraction to you in a big bad way so really you know you need to take action to improve your appearance right now but the good news is you know it doesn't take much to actually remind your ex of what they've lost so hit the gym you know post a thirst trap get a haircut go shopping for some new clothes you know I had a client who bleached their hair and it completely flipped their ex's Behavior towards them and actually made them come crawling back I know it sounds completely crazy and unbelievable but often we break up because we lose that spark of Attraction and even even a minor change can shine a new light what we always loved about that person and number eight is to get outside help now your ex probably expects you to be alone and sad during this time but they don't know that I'm in your corner so if you want personalized help and support to win back your ex please go to breakupbrad.com/coaching right now and sign up for my one-on-one coaching program I work with you to find the best ways to change your ex's mind and make sure they come running back to you again just go to breakupbrad.com/coaching to see my availability and sign up today I would love to work with you and I hope to hear from you soon all right that does it for this video guys now you know how to use your ex's doubt to get what you want out of the situation now doubt is a powerful emotion so be gentle you know you don't want to totally break your ex's heart do you thanks for watching all the way to the end please don't forget to like subscribe and leave a comment below and I'll see you next time bye for now