fellow wedding officiant you and i are quite literally the center of attention we are the focal point at the middle of everything going on in the wedding ceremony but did you know you do not need to hog the spotlight the entire time you are a crucial the crucial part of the wedding ceremony but there are three times where it's best to step aside in the wedding ceremony i'll teach you exactly when those moments are and what to do now when you're officiating a wedding here's how it typically starts you walk down the center aisle everyone's talking nobody's paying attention you walk down that aisle you get to the front in the middle you turn you face everybody and you give your opening remarks now i would recommend keeping those opening remarks very brief keeping your self introduction down to a sentence or two hello my name is mark it is my honor to officiate this wedding today and you move on you don't make it about yourself in the opening or your self-introduction similarly when it's time to give your officiant speech the part where you talk in the wedding ceremony i advise make it about the couple i tell the couple's story keep it about them you do have the option to give your opinions your commentary your advice wag your finger all that stuff love means this marriage means that but again i would recommend keep it all about the couple as much as you can so as the wedding officiant we are front and center we are doing 95 of the talking but we are always reflecting back on to the people who this day is about it is about our couple getting married so when you keep your introduction brief you keep your officiant speech all about your couple we are saying with our words we're making it about them well guess what you can use your body to make the same point and even more so more strongly so here are the three parts where you can use your body to literally physically step aside get out of the way in the wedding ceremony and keep it all about your couple getting married here they are the very first time to step aside in the wedding ceremony is the processional now i've officiated countless weddings and almost every single one of them has this same thing in common one merrier is standing at the front with me and the other marrier is coming down the aisle towards them merrier is contemporary gender inclusive language that can mean bride or groom now when this is happening one marrier coming down the aisle one marrier standing up in front when you have the officiant's vantage point you will notice a couple of things happening first of all you will notice that when marrier a let's say walks in at the back at the top of the aisle all the guests will turn to look at marrier a similarly the photographer will turn keep their lens focused on merrier a's big entrance i talk in the rehearsal that marrier a needs to stop at the back row collect themselves before proceeding down the aisle but people don't just stay frozen fixed on merrier a no you will notice when you're the officiant and in that position the guests all turn and look of course at mary or b the guests want to see their reaction are they crying are they laughing are they hysterical what's going on with marry or b they're curious they want to take in that moment and of course the photographer as well either swivels their lens to take photos of mary or b looking at marrier a coming in or there's an entire second shooter there taking pictures of marry or b and their reaction and on it goes the guess will turn merrier a turn look at marry or b back and forth and one thing you'll notice as the officiant is you are standing really close to marry your b and all that action and all that attention when i started out officiating i wouldn't give this a second thought i am front and center i am in my place and i'm going to stand there rooted like a tree for the entire ceremony as years went on and more and more weddings went by i started realizing though that i'm in this radius of energy and emotional response of mayor of merrier be and it just kind of came to me that i don't think i need to be here for this i don't need to be doing two things first of all photo bombing uh the photographer taking pictures of mary or b and all the guests looking at them so i don't need to be in the vision of mary or b and also i think i'm doing what i would call just emotion bombing uh they're crying they're laughing they're smiling and i'm standing there literally the professional paid chump i don't want to say chump but guy who's you know i'm basking in this but i'm not feeling the same feelings as as intensely as mary or be and so i had the thought what if i just step away from this hallowed moment and make room for it to happen get out of the intimacy happening between mary or a and marrier b in this moment so i clued in and i said i think i'm gonna step aside and get out of the way for this part of the wedding ceremony this is what i recommend for you here's what that looks like after you finish your opening remarks and you say let's begin the processional music starts now perhaps there's a whole bunch of wedding attendance to come down bridesmaids kids animals however it is but once they're all in it is time for marrier a to enter so mary we ask please stand everyone stands marrier a makes their entrance at the back maybe the song changes for their walk in and of course everyone does that thing they turn then they turn back to marrier a but before they turn back when you see merrier a enter and everybody turns that is your cue my friend you are not needed as the wedding officiant or celebrant in this moment so what i do is typically if it's a groom to my left i will then take a couple of steps to the right to marry your a's wedding attendance say a maid of honor standing on my right and give mary or b the space to soak it all in to have everybody looking at them to have photographers taking pictures of them and guess what you're not there and that's a good thing because at this point of the ceremony you are not needed now when marrier a makes their way all the way down the aisle we practice as the rehearsal i say stop at the front and maybe marry your a has some sort of escort a parent or something maybe this is the part where you ask one of the questions who gives this woman or an alternative do you stand here and support maybe there's no question either way you are probably going to be needed at this point so when they get to the front and stop at the front row that is when it's best for you to move back to the center and deliver the question or as we practice in the rehearsal marrier b goes forward receives marrier a takes them by the hand walks towards you the efficient celebrant front and center holds hands if it's a bride she'll usually hand her bouquet off to her attendant they hold hands in front of you and now you need to be front and center and do your thing it's time to talk it's time to command the attention ask everyone to be seated and you are now a crucial part of the moments to follow okay so you stay in that center point you give your talk all that stuff until it's time for the second crucial moment to step aside in the wedding ceremony and that is the vows easily the most intimate part of the wedding ceremony i would say the most important part of the wedding ceremony is when the couple exchange their vows the thing about a wedding ceremony is not only is this moment intensely intimate for the couple one of the most intimate moments of their lives i would argue but it is also public that is what makes a wedding ceremony so unique it's not happening in private on date night on a sofa or in some park or in the corner booth of an italian restaurant it's happening in front of all of us they are exchanging promises and we're all watching but it's intimate which means you do not necessarily need to be here for this part if they have opted to write and read their own vows now there's three styles of saying vows the couple write and read their own they repeat after you line by line by line or you ask them a big long question and they just say i do i have a whole separate video on the three styles of wedding vows and how to best say them the latter two repeat after me or i say a big long question and you just say i do of course you need to remain front and center a lot of couples opt for that first option though write and read their own and what you will see a lot of times in weddings is the wedding of fishing or celebrant takes the microphone and plunges it into the face should i do your face or should i do mine whichever one it is the couple are having this beautiful intimate moment and the wedding officiant is right there hovering with the mic and it can be the most beautiful intimate thing that this couple are exchanging uh or it can be quite uh intruded upon by the officiant either standing there with a mic or even without a mic just beaming broadly watching each of them pledge their entire lives and faithfulness till death do them part i'm arguing here that wedding officiant you are not needed for this part and so what i've started doing is stepping aside when the couple are right are reading their own vows to each other and so here's what that looks like when we get to the part where it's time to exchange vows i say the couple will now exchange vows something to that effect a little bit more flowery in the ceremony but i asked the couple to write their own vows ahead of time do not try to get them to wing it or or recite the vows not a good idea they are in my binder in a sheet printed up nicely i hand the marrier their sheet i take the mic off the stand i hand it to the marrier so now merrier is holding vows in one hand mike in the other and that is my cue i can now step out of the way and watch along with the wedding attendants bridesmaids groomsmen etc etc and the guests and i do not need to be there once the first merrier is done saying their vows i will take their vow sheet put it in my binder they will hand the mic to their wedding partner getting married the other merrier i will then take their vows hand it to them and step back again so you come in briefly to do the paper exchange and then leave again and just watch this beautiful intimate moment transpire along with everybody else you do not need to be there pressing a microphone into their face by any means now i have had some fellow efficient celebrant colleagues who are used to holding the mic and say wait a minute i need to hold the mic for them because they need to hold hands during this part to which i say it would be lovely if they could hold hands during their vows they've been holding hands through the whole ceremony the way i conduct a ceremony holding hands facing each other while i tell their story and all that good stuff happens so would it be ideal if they could hold hands for this part perhaps and they do when they repeat their own vows or just i read them a bit the big long question and they say i do however i think that whatever you gain by having them hold hands and hold their vow sheet and you pressing their mic into their face you lose by doing exactly that you gained something by having them hold hands oh that's really nice but you lost it when you've pressed the mic into their face and you're there maybe your hand starts to shake the guests are wondering is the official going to be okay these vows are pretty long they're thinking about you when they should not be thinking about you at all so i am not going to belabor the point i'm just going to recommend there is no need for you to be there especially for doing something as simple as holding a mic which most able-bodied couples are able to do of course if there are physical limitations here and you need to do that then do it but if the couple have two arms they can hold a mic with one their vow sheet with the other and look into the other's eye read their sheet and you don't need to be anywhere near that action it's way more intimate it's way more beautiful when it's two of them not three of you so when the second merrier has done their turn that's when you step back to the center take their vow sheets put it back in your binder and you can continue the ceremony rings etc any other rituals until the third critical moment when you need to step aside in the wedding ceremony and that is the kiss a quick google search of wedding ceremony kiss photo or wedding ceremony first kiss will reveal of course a couple who has just been pronounced locked in an embrace kissing each other under some sort of arbor festoon with flowers it's absolutely beautiful but if you look closely you'll also notice something else you might notice an elbow you might notice a tuft of hair you might notice the side of a face and that is if it's covert if it's very over you'll notice the official right between them maybe off to one side making some sort of smiley face or even worse than that is looking down at their wedding notes very seriously while the other couple are again sharing this beautiful physical intimate moment the other thing you might see is the efficient doing this leaving walking out while they're kissing looking like they're fleeing the scene of a crime we need to avoid all of this stuff so we need to get out of the way and other photographers say a lot of photographers say if you can't get a b out of the way then stay there and we'll just deal with you uh look at watching gawking at the couple kissing but what ideally we will do is we will be well out of the way before the couple even get to the point where they're starting to kiss here's how you do that typically the couple kiss right after you pronounce them married right so you are going to say here's what i say in every ceremony i say well i close my binder it's typically after the rings maybe a blessing well with nothing left to be said in front of your closest friends and family and by the authority given me by the province of new brunswick i pronounce you married you may now kiss and off they go kissing i do not wait until i say you may now kiss to start moving because then i'll be i'll be doing one of these right so instead i start moving when i start saying province of new brunswick did you catch how once i get to that part by the authority given me by the province of new brunswick i pronounce you married you make it see how i'm not gonna but you get the point where it's three seconds or so enough time for me to start moving out of the way i grab the mic stand again i recommend that's a whole other video about microphones don't be left holding the mic make sure it's on a stand it causes a lot of trouble if you're trying to hold it and juggle your script i pick up the mic stand elvis presley style and i start to walk away with it when i pronounce them that way i am well out of the shot typically behind one of the attendants a best man a maid of honor that kind of thing and i'm watching the kiss and i'm applauding the kiss along with all their attendance all their guests but i am nowhere to be seen on a on a good day whenever i can uh in when the couple start to kiss okay so that's what i recommend for you figure out what your pronouncement is but before you get to you may kiss or groom you may kiss your bride or whatever your language would be be well out of the side by the time you say those words don't worry everyone can hear you the couple will know what to do and you will not be again photo bombing or into emotion bombing uh that beautiful moment that the couple are sharing and that really nobody wants you to be there for you do not need to be there for their kiss so fellow wedding officiant you are a crucial indispensable part for 95 of that wedding ceremony but there are those three moments where no offense nobody wants to see our faces nobody wants to see us in the photo so that of course is to review in the processional you can keep your distance from mary or b it is during the vows give them that beautiful intimate moment but it is public and you don't need to be there for it and for the kiss get out of the way let them do their thing and then come back to the center to give your closing remarks when they're done or sign the registry or whatever comes next in the ceremony graciously step aside for those three moments get out of the way and your need not to be noticed and not to be present for those moments will be graciously appreciated by your couple the photographer and everyone at the wedding hope you like this if it was helpful hit the like button leave me a comment below and don't forget to subscribe to this channel so you never miss a new video all about how to officiate a wedding have a good one