when I think about it and I don't know if I really like to think about it but when I think about it I actually dislike a lot of people I wouldn't say I hate a lot of people but I definitely dislike a lot of people now to me there's a big difference between dislike and hate to me the definition of dislike is is simply a feeling of aversion or disapproval just not being fond of someone whereas the definition of hate is intense or passionate dislike when I think of hate I think of an extreme form of dislike I don't know if this is necessarily perfectly correct definition wise but for the sake of today's conversation I'm going to distinguish dislike and Hate by the level of intensity and the level that it impacts the person experiencing the feeling for the sake of today's conversation let's look at dislike as more of a subtle feeling that can be much more easily controlled and let's look at hatred as a feeling that's much more Reckless and spellbinding and intense and at times uncontrollable dislike is much easier to hide you know you can smile and wave when you dislike somebody but when you hate somebody it's much harder you might be able to smile and wave but you might also erupt like who knows I feel like hate is much more consuming in a way dislike can be something that just sort of lingers in the back of your mind I want to discuss disliking people rather than hating people today because I find dislike to be much more complex hatred is much easier to analyze to me okay it's much easier to figure out why you hate someone it's such a strong extreme emotion it usually stems from a strong and extreme experience with that person it at least in my experience it's usually very obvious why you hate someone you're not like digging through your mind trying to figure out why you hate someone usually the person harmed you or they intensely challenged your beliefs or they really really make you jealous whereas this like is just much more complex although it can stem from someone harming you or disag agreeing with you or from jealousy I find that dislike can also stem from much more subtle things like literally just thinking someone's annoying I find often with myself that I don't like someone and I don't actually know why at first because it's not obvious to me like I have to dig deep into myself to figure out why I don't like them and there are so many reasons why I find I don't like someone sometimes I don't like people because they seem sort of fake to me I just feel like they're not being real with me and it makes me sort of uncomfortable I don't like being around them because I feel uneasy I don't feel like I'm experiencing their true self maybe I feel like the way that they're treating me is is a certain way in order to gain something from me or have me believe something about them there's something inauthentic about the way that they're presenting themselves to me and I don't like that sometimes I don't like people because I think their sense of humor is frustrating sometimes I find other people's sense of humor to be just a bummer do you know what I'm saying like just a bummer I'm like this isn't funny or this is kind of annoying to me for some reason like this kind of grinds my gears for some reason listen there are probably people who meet me who think my sense of humor [ __ ] sucks great that's fine that's totally fine you know we're not always going to see eye to eye on that in life it's very easy to disagree on sense of humor because everybody's sense of humor is a little bit different I tend to not like people who are really cocky or have like a big attitude or a big ego that's unfortunate I don't like that I obviously tend to dislike people who have a bad attitude towards me or a cold attitude towards me I don't like when I feel like people are competitive with me I tend to dislike people who have this subtle sort of competitiveness somebody being too nice can make me feel weird it's all across the board sometimes there's just something about their energy that I can't pinpoint that I just don't like now a lot of times people that I dislike didn't do anything wrong they weren't super mean they didn't hurt me I don't hate them I don't even necessarily feel aggravated by them I just don't like them this happens to me a lot and I somewhat feel guilty about it although I am able to empathize and wish well to these people that I don't like but no matter how nice I am to them and how much I try to wish them well I can't turn off the fact that I just don't [ __ ] like them and it just is what it is now if I just disliked 5% of the people I met I wouldn't think much of it but I feel like I dislike probably 40% % maybe even 50% of the people that I meet on a day-to-day basis maybe 40% now obviously that leaves me with actually liking 60% of the people I meet which is not too bad but still there's this 40% of people that I don't like and that's a lot of people and I found myself recently wondering if I'm the problem you know is it wrong to dislike people especially when they didn't do anything wrong right like am I in the wrong here now I never act upon my dislike right majority of my feelings remain inside you know I never treat people that I don't like badly I never show people that I don't like them I hide it very well as I think a lot of us do you know I know I'm not alone in this by the way this is not like a unique experience to me this is something that I know a lot of other people experience because I talk about this with my friends I talk about this with my family I know that this is something that is common to experience and I know that most of us hide it really well so in theory it's kind of harmless because the people that we dislike don't really know that we dislike them but I still feel sort of guilty about it and I still ask myself frequently if I'm the problem if it's wrong to dislike people especially for no reason I feel like the sort of stereotypical positive narrative in the world is that you should love everybody now this can mean a lot of things you know loving everybody can mean to truly love everyone and in your heart find the good in everyone and choose to see that and only that right or maybe not only that but pretty much just that loving everyone could mean appreciating people for what they show you in life whether that's directly positive or indirectly positive so like you might love someone who beat you in your fifth grade softball game because that taught you how to be a good loser you know what I I'm saying even though you kind of dislike that person because they beat you they indirectly taught you something that was positive and so you love them for that or let's say your first boyfriend cheated on you maybe you can find love for your first boyfriend because that experience taught you a lot about your own independence so in turn you love that person because your experience with them taught you something valuable I mean I don't really know what it means to love everybody but I feel like this is something we see posted on social media or written on a T-shirt and it really could mean so many different things but in a lot of ways I think it's kind of unrealistic right I think you can find appreciation for everyone in some way but then again like some people do some really [ __ ] up [ __ ] to you I don't know if you can always find love and appreciation for people there are going to be times in life when you can't I don't know I feel like this sounds great in theory but I think it's sort of a catchy headline like oh we need to love everybody I think that statement it's too broad to be helpful do you know what I'm saying it's too broad to be helpful it's excluding so many potential scenarios where it's like if someone kills your dog on purpose are you going to love that person I don't know if you can right in any way shape or form so I don't know maybe I'm being too analytical about it but regardless this sort of idea that you know we should love everybody and stuff I think has sort of sat in the back of my head and made me feel guilty anytime I've ever disliked someone and maybe that's because I have a misunderstanding of the sentiment around loving everybody I'm not quite sure but I think this sort of narrative that we see floating around can make us feel bad at times for just simply disliking people because we do what I've been really trying to figure out is whether or not it's wrong like is it wrong to not like people even if it's just in your head is it wrong because I've sort of convinced myself that it might be but I'm not so sure so I sort of went soul searching on the internet um if that's even possible to go soul searching on the internet I don't know see like that seems a little bit ironic to me right if anything soul searching happens everywhere but on the internet but I did do some research I started out by researching why we dislike people and I found a handful of reasons it could stem from Bad social experiences in your past it could stem from trust issues both of those things being prevalent in almost everyone's life right I think everyone has had bad social experiences and I think almost everyone has some form of trust issues it's impossible to go through your whole life and never get burned never get [ __ ] over and every time we have an experience where we get burned or we get [ __ ] over it's almost like we become a little bit more sensitive and a little bit more keen and a little bit more aware and when we're out in the world looking for friends looking for potential significant other s we're trying to find somebody who doesn't set off our signals we're trying to find somebody who doesn't remind us in some way of who burned Us in the past it's like we have muscle memory in a way but I guess the more bad experiences you've had with people the more sensitive you're going to be when it comes to going out in the world and finding new people because the likelihood that someone's going to trigger a memory or a feeling that you once got from someone who hurt you is higher because you've had so many more bad experiences and you have so much more muscle memory you know I think that this could definitely be a part of why I dislike a lot of people I definitely have a decent amount of muscle memory you know as most of us do and at times my muscle memory can misread a situation I can pick up on something that reminds me of a bad memory without me even realizing it and then be like I don't want H like I don't like that person and I might not even realize it at the time I might never realize it why that specific person just rubbed me the wrong way and I just didn't like them so that's an interesting reason I also read that hyper awareness of the bigger picture in life can make it harder to find people you like because chances are you're not entertained or ulated by small talk or material conversations which are the type of conversations that are the most comfortable to have it's not very comfortable to meet someone and then right off the bat like start talking about deep stuff I mean listen every once in a while you'll get two people in a room who have that ability to just open up that can of worms immediately but for the most part a lot of us feel more comfortable starting out conversations with strangers in a way that's low risk you know Small Talk material conversations it's just easy and if you're someone who sees the bigger picture in life then you're going to immediately be bored by new people 99% of the time because most people who are coming up to you and talking to you for the first time are not going to bring up anything mentally stimulating they're probably going to bring up some boring surface level [ __ ] because that's what's comfortable and easy to do I don't think that this one applies to me personally because I definitely would say I'm aware of the bigger picture in life and that's something that I focus on frequently and discuss frequently with my close friends and family right but at the same time I understand that it's uncomfortable meeting a stranger like there are going to be times when someone meets me and they don't feel comfortable talking about deeper topics or more mentally stimulating topics like right off the bat like that totally makes sense to me so I feel like I have a level of patience there so that one didn't really apply to me but it might apply to you listening so we're mentioning it I also read that a lot of people have unrealistic expectations about others I've actually made a podcast episode about this having unrealistically high expectations for people you know if you're expecting everyone you meet to have the same interests as you be as outgoing as you have the same sense of humor as you like if you're expecting those type of things out of others you're always going to end up disappointed the problem is a lot of times we set those types of expectations subconsciously and to be honest I think I'm guilty of this at times although I'm not sure if I'm able to turn it off like but at the same time I don't mind when somebody has different interests to me different sense of humor sometimes those things can end up not being ideal for me like sometimes those are traits that make me dislike somebody but sometimes they're traits that don't really matter to me so I guess it just depends I also read that you might dislike a lot of people if you dislike yourself now this one was uncomfortable for me to reflect upon because I think that there is probably some truth there I mean for me you know I think there's I mean obviously there's truth there in general but for me personally I also think that there might be some truth there I really confuse myself because in a lot of ways I do dislike myself but I also appreciate myself in a lot of ways I don't know I have a really cloudy sort of understanding of how I feel about myself in so I'm not really properly able to pinpoint if this is an issue because there are times when I appreciate myself but there are also times when I loathe myself or I feel like I'm an impostor like I have impostor syndrome I feel like I don't deserve things I feel like you know a cheater even when I didn't cheat at anything you know that's kind of what imposer syndrome is but yet there are also times that I appreciate I don't know so I don't know but I think there are definitely things that I dislike about myself I'm insecure about Etc and I think that that probably applies to 10% of the people that I just dislike for no reason maybe somebody triggers a little bit of jealousy in me just a little bit maybe a lot and so I dislike them because I'm a little jealous of them that's definitely happened that definitely happens I usually tell though when I don't like somebody because I'm jealous of them for some reason and I'm able to sort of turn that one off I hate admitting it to myself but I feel like I'm pretty good about turning that one off I can't always though I also read that feeling like you can't be yourself around others can make you dislike people because it makes you uncomfortable when you feel like you can't be yourself and it might not necessarily be the other other person's fault that for whatever reason you don't feel safe to express yourself but anytime you have to stifle your personality or hide your personality or change your personality even you're likely going to resent the people who made you feel that way because they put you into an uncomfortable position whether they did it deliberately or not I've definitely felt intimidated by people or judged by people in a way that made me feel like I need to alter my personality in some way and that always upsets me I also read that you might dislike people just because you're easily irritated you're somebody who's just simply easily irritated or you just believe all people are bad some people go through life believing that all people are bad sort of like guilty until innocent I'm not sure if I'm easily irritated I think internally I might be at times never externally you can never tell but I think internally I can get irritated pretty easily but it also depends on my mood because I can also be incredibly patient see I am really patient actually I am pretty patient but if I'm tired or I'm exhausted yeah I'm going to get irritated easily I'll hide it but I guess that one's kind of 50/50 I definitely don't believe all people are bad I actually tend to assume the best in people and then get disappointed I would say that's probably what happens to me more often so I don't know if that one applies to me the last thing I read about was introversion being an introvert if you have an introverted personality type you feel drained by excessive interactions with people and the mental stimulation that it requires to be social and that sort of exhaustion can cause you to just dislike a lot of people because it sort of goes against your nature to be social all the time and so your tendency to get exhausted socially can lead you to frustration easily with people even if they're cool or nice or whatever you might end up disliking them just because you're introverted this was really fascinating to me because I've never really been able to figure out if I'm an introvert or an extrovert if you're extroverted it means you actually feel drained when you're alone and you gain energy and recharge by being social if you're introverted it's the opposite you know you recharge when you're alone and you sort of lose energy when you're being too social I've never been able to figure out which one I am because I feel like both are true for me but more often I feel like I recharge when I'm alone and I feel drained from hanging out with people but when I'm out being social like I can enjoy myself sometimes and I can be outgoing and whatever so I've always been very confused by it so I took a test and apparently I'm something called an Ambert which means I am not an introvert or an extrovert I experience both which I would say is pretty accurate but the test I took also said that I'm leaning more towards being introverted which was also what I expected so that could kind of explain why I dislike a lot of people because for the most part I'm introverted and after doing that research and sort of having an understanding of why I might be disliking people and why we as humans dislike people in general I started to look into the morality of disliking people like is it morally wrong to dislike people and what was really interesting was I did not find a lot of answers I did not find a lot of answers I did not find a lot of articles about this topic but I did find one by the Harvard crimson here were the key takeaways from the article the article was actually in support of disliking people and even hating people which kind of blew my mind I was like wow this is a really reputable website I feel I mean this article is by the Harvard Crimson which is like I guess Harvard the very prestigious colleges daily newsletter listen I mean technically it was an opinion piece so we'll take with that what we will but this article was in support of disliking people and even hating people so that was shocking this person writes that there are three main reasons to dislike or even hate number one to demonstrate moral awareness two to make life more interesting and number three people actually deserve it sometimes this actually makes a lot of sense to me a lot of times disliking people and sharing that dislike with maybe your close friends or family sort of shows what you don't align with in a person I also do think disliking people is interesting it would be boring to like everyone it would be so boring like what would be the point of having friends how how would you even figure out who your friends are if you just kind of liked everyone it's what separates one person to the next in order to like and even love someone you need to know what it feels like to dislike and even hate someone right it also is a topic of conversation that can be interesting you know when you dislike somebody you might call your best friend and analyze their personality for an hour and not feel bored for a second I can't tell you how often I do that I do that all the time you know what I'm saying it does make life kind of interesting and also it is true that sometimes people do deserve to not be liked I mean I probably deserve to not be liked at times it's fair for people to not like me it sucks I prefer it not to happen I do what I can to avoid it but some people might find me Annoying actually no I'm not going to say some people might some people do find me Annoying some people might have met me on a bad day when I was maybe in a cold mood or I was upset and I was withdrawn and I didn't want to be social like you know there are valid reasons out there for people to not like me and that's okay but also there are other people out there who maybe somewhat deserve to not be liked either like I think it's fair I think it is fair to an extent I guess in this article I also read that disliking people is sort of a sign that you're observant I also think that that's kind of true I mean if you don't see red flags in anyone you don't pick up on bad energy in anyone you're sort of down to hang with whoever that's not necessarily the worst way to live your life right but there is a good chance that you're going to get burned at some point because you might be missing something because the truth is not everyone is great if you don't have this sort of guttural feeling of dislike for people sometimes then what's going to sort of stop you from spending time with someone who maybe is bad news do you know what I'm saying it's like in order to protect yourself from spending time with people who don't deserve it even if it's just for a vague reason it's like you almost have to feel dislike in order to protect yourself in a way it's sort of a protection mechanism that only works if you're observant and so that seemed fair to me too that made a lot of sense to me too this article also talked about how it's important to have people in your life that you dislike because it sets up contrasts with those who we really love and respect as I mentioned earlier it's almost like you can't experience love and respect without feeling dislike and hatred somewhere else in your life if you just loved and respected everyone then it wouldn't be special when you felt love and respect those feelings have to be earned and there's no sense of earning it if everyone gets that from you so that was also kind of interesting the last point from this article basically just explains how it's better to hate privately smile tolerantly in public give fake hellos keep your dislike inside and if you're able to do it that way this article argues that it's healthy harmless and a whole lot of fun which is like a crazy thing to say I mean listen this was an opinion piece this is someone else's opinion but it resonated with me because everything that was stated made me feel good about my dislike for people and sort of made me feel like it wasn't wrong and that's a relief to me because I've never really been able to turn it off but yet I've felt this sort of guilt about it that kind of came from nowhere I mean as I mentioned earlier I think it's sort of from this narrative that we hear floating around growing up about how we're supposed to love everybody and you know some kids probably don't take that too literally other kids do and I think maybe I was one of the kids that just took it too literally and was like well God am I bad if I don't like someone and that's sort of just stuck with me for years and this was the specific article that resonated with me the most but if you just Google is it wrong to dislike people the recommended result says it's absolutely normal to dislike people or have negative feelings about them disliking spending time with others or just generally preferring to be alone can be signs of personality traits like introversion however feelings of constant pervasive and intense hatred for others may be a sign of something more serious if your hatred is causing distress leading to isolation and negatively affecting your mental well-being it's important to take a closer look at the causes and consider talking to a mental health professional yeah thank you verywellmind.com because that was very well put for me I think that this really brings this conversation to a conclusion here I mean I think it is morally okay to dislike people I think it's human to dislike people and I think in a lot of ways it's incredibly necessary I don't think it's possible to not dislike people and I don't think that's even something that needs to be strived for as long as you're treating others with kindness and respect and as much empathy as you possibly can dislike them all you want that's kind of the conclusion I'm coming to I think it's when your dislike is causing pain to yourself or others that it becomes an issue you know if your mind is tortured by negative thoughts towards people yeah that's a sign that something's off balance that's a sign that there's something deeper going on that needs to be resolved but just innocently disliking people here and there I don't think it's a problem and you know what that is exciting to me because this has bothered me for a long time now this question of whether or not it was wrong and my conclusion today is that it's not and so what I'm thrilled about is my new life disliking people in peace for once because I've been disliking people and then feeling guilty about it for years and I've been disliking people and feeling like I'm the problem for years when yeah there are maybe times when I am the problem because somebody makes me jealous or somebody makes me feel competitive or somebody intimidates me even though they don't mean to in a way that makes me feel like I can't be myself or maybe somebody catches me at the wrong time and I'm socially drained and need to go recharge by myself there are going to be times when I'm the reason why I dislike someone but I'm always going to handle it with kindness well as much as I can and I'm always going to give people a second chance when I think they deserve it but I'm not going to invalidate my feelings anymore you know I'm going to let myself dislike people now hatred is a whole other story maybe we'll discuss hatred another day but that's a topic for a whole other day well I need to go dislike people out in the world now now so that's what I'm going to go do I'm excited I don't know who's next who my next victim is they won't know it they won't know how I feel but inside I will know I'm kidding well I'm I'm actually I am kidding because I'm not I'm kind of hoping I don't have any sort of social interaction for the next 48 hours and I think that that's actually going to happen for me so I'm actually looking forward to that instead but anyway thank you all for listening and hanging out out as always let me know what you thought of this topic you can tweet me at AG podcast or send me a message on Instagram at anything goes or you can message me at Emma Chamberlain if you want you can check out my coffee company Chamberlain coffee use code ag-15 for a little discount on chamberling coffee.com you can tune in to new episodes of anything goes every Thursday and Sunday where I talk about more stuff and as much as I just talked about how I dislike everyone I do really love and appreciate all of you I mean listen there's a chance that we might meet each other and dislike each other there's a chance you might meet me in person and be like Oh her energy sucks I actually dislike her and you know what that's okay but as far as I know I really do love and appreciate all of you and I can't thank you enough for listening and tuning in until next time time have a beautiful day and keep being awesome I'll talk to you later bye