Exploring Happiness and Personal Growth

Hey SuperSolars! Happy Sunday! Here's a question. How happy are you? Think about it. In your relationships, in your work or career, in your spiritual life, are you as happy as you want to be? There are some who believe that wanting to be happy is the same thing as being selfish. But really, when you are truly happy, you're feeling joy. Aren't you a better you? Don't you vibrate on a higher level? Don't you love more deeply when you are happy? Well, As our Super Soul Sunday conversation continues to evolve over the coming weeks, months, and years, I feel sure that all of us will continue to discover that being happy is not only a good thing, but it is essential to that connection that we call soul. Actually, I had this thought the other day. I loved it so much. I'm going to share it with you. You can tweet it if you want. Feeling good is feeling God. A few years ago, we spent an entire hour on The Oprah Show drilling down on the art, The practice, the pursuit of happiness. Dr. Robert Holden, founder of the Happiness Project, shared some new insights that opened us all up to thinking about happiness a little differently. We also took real people in real jobs and revealed who actually was the happiest. And all of you watching today will be able to take a quiz that was one of the most widely used in the study of happiness. So I hope you'll stay tuned find out how happy are you. My pants are too tight. I know that. So you... I didn't have time to change, so those of you who see my pants, you don't have to write and tell me. I know they're too tight. Today we are asking the question, how happy are you? How happy are you? Everyone in this audience and the five people standing with me right now took a revealing test, and I want you at home to take it, too, to find out how happy you are. We're gonna do that in just a few moments. I took it, too, and I discovered that I am so happy... That if I... if... really, if there is an afterlife, I really want to come back as myself. I do. That is how happy I am. So, audience, do you think you can tell, and those of you at home, too, we're just gonna scan these five people up here. Do you think you can tell who is the happiest person in this group? You think you can tell? Do you? Okay. I think I can, too, but I could be wrong. Okay. Because I don't know either. Everyone in this audience has a special high-tech voting device. In hand. You have it, right? It's under your seats. And after we give you a couple of clues about each person, we want you to vote for who you think is the happiest. Okay? Those of you at home can do it, too, although you don't have the device. Okay, ready? First up is Peggy. She is a 44-year-old married mother of two teenage sons. Last year, both Peggy's father and her sister died, and her mother is now suffering from Alzheimer's. She works as a bookkeeper in the family business. That's Peggy. Now meet 52-year-old Noreen. Noreen is divorced and the mother of two children in college. She's an avid swimmer. She works in the operations department of a mayor airline, a major airline, OK? I can read. Major airline, not of a mayor, but of a major airline, OK? Now this is 27-year-old Lachelle. She is married with no children. She works two jobs and has two dogs. Last year, four of Lachelle's friends And two family members died within six months. Four and two, okay? Now meet David. He's 53. He's been a funeral director. Looking at dad people. Every day for 30 years, David is married and has two sons. Funeral director. Finally, Lori. She's been married for 15 years, and she has six children. She works in retail. and is the vice president of the PTA. Okay, audience? Based on the clues, those of you at home do the same thing. Who do you think is happiest? Each of you has a pageant. It's called Pageant Communications Voting Device. The numbers start from the left with Peggy, who is number one. So number one, Noreen is number two. Lachelle is number three. David is number four. And Lori is number five. Push the button to cast your vote for who you think is the happiest. happiest standing here. Can't move too fast, my pants too tight. Can't move too fast, my pants too tight. Okay. Okay, we're ready. They tally this really quickly. Have they done it yet, Dean? That's so nice, nice of Joe not to pull out and show my tight pants.. Are we ready? Stand by. The number's gonna come up to us, okay? Who is the happiest? Peggy, Noreen, Lachelle, David, or Lori? How am I gonna get the answer, Dean? Okay, the results, oh. Oh, David. David, dude. David. I took second pretty close. Mr. Looking at dead people all day? This audience thinks that David... Looking at dead people all day is the happiest person. Okay, I don't know. What is the answer? Dean, what is the answer? What happens now? Somebody tell me. Okay, we're going to reveal who really is the happiest in just a moment. But first, how happy are you, audience? The quiz we're going to give you is one of the most widely used tools in the study of true happiness. There are people who study happiness, and here is how it works. You have to answer these five questions. On a scale of 1 to 7, 7 would be the highest. Number 1, this is a question, answer this, in most ways my life is close to ideal. Number 2, the conditions of my life are excellent. Number 3, I am satisfied with my life. Number 4, so far I've gotten the important things I want in life. Number 5... If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing. Okay, now, add up your score, those of you at home. The highest score is 7. Y'all can add, I know. So if you scored between 31 and 35, you are considered extremely satisfied. Okay? If you scored 15 or below, you are considered dissatisfied with your life. And if you scored somewhere in between, you might have... A lot of work to do. You are really feeling bad about yourself. Only 24% of this audience rated themselves as extremely happy. Doesn't that surprise you? Well, maybe not, because you all voted for yourselves, OK? OK, 5% of this audience here, you are dissatisfied with your lives, and the rest of you are somewhere in the middle, OK? Where is Lejeune? Lejeune, OK? You scored a perfect 35 out of 35. Yeah, stand up, stand up. And why are you so happy? I am from Baltimore, Maryland. I am a professor at Goucher College. I teach in the education department. I was a sophomore when you delivered the commencement speech in 1981. I spoke there in 1981. Yes, you did. This is my student, Erica Green, who's with me. You were at the school when I spoke. I was a sophomore. We shook hands after you delivered the commencement speech in 1981. Is that you? OK. And now each year for the past four years I've taken my students to Grahamstown, South Africa. Yeah. We teach in the rural schools for one month. OK. So you get to see how other people live and also makes you feel better about how you live. Absolutely. I recognize my personal privilege and thank God every day for all the gifts I've been given. Oh, that's amazing. When we come back. Okay, who scored the highest, who scored the lowest, and how we can all be happier? We're gonna find out if David, Mr. Looking at Dead People All Day, is the happiest. We'll be right back. Back in a moment.. We're on a mission to tackle life's big questions. I'm Golriz. And I'm Devin. And this is SoulPancake. Happy Hundred! What is happiness? Some people spend an entire lifetime trying to figure it out. So, SoulPancake found a person in every decade of life and asked them to share their take on happiness. What can I tell you about happiness? What do you want to know about happiness? Happiness means being able to afford your next meal. What I love are yams. An evening that I had at a dance hall in London with Elaine. many years ago. Sort of finds you and takes you over and turns you into a giggling, joyful mess on the sidewalk. My happy place is just being still. You know, you find your middle ground where you can get some sanity and keep that sanity. Happy place? In bed. Preferably with someone. Happiness actually is a state of mind, so I can be happy anywhere. Disneyland. I like to go hiking, and so I always feel really happy when I'm up in the mountains. Surrounded by a good group of people is a happy place for me. In my younger years, a happy day would be a day on the golf course. But as I grew older, the people around me became the source of my happiness. I'm happy with this. Sometimes I get a really big cotton candy like... I made that bucket list that people talk about. So I went swimming with dolphins. I went snowboarding. I surfed three different waves. The older I get, the more I can find happiness in almost anything. I used to think that things made me happy, or people made me happy, but I also think now that happiness is from inside me. first. How do I define happiness in one word? Happiness in one word. Not without using a dirty word. Happiness in one word for me I think would be love. Love. Love. Love is happiness. Love. Absolutely. To share and be joyful and smile a lot and hug a lot and just love people and love myself. Audience just guessed that David is the happiest person of these five people. And we're talking about how you can be happier in your life, because it's in our Constitution, this pursuit of happiness. And Peggy is the least happiest, is what our audience said. So let's see if they were right. Step forward if you scored, because the highest you can score on this test is 35, right? Right, Robert? And then the lowest you can score is 5. So if you were 5, we need to talk to you later on today. So, so step forward if you scored 34 or above. Yay! Okay, so Dave looking at dead people is happy. Peggy, Dave and Lachelle all scored highest. Here's how. Now this is so interesting. I would have voted for you because you were smiling the most. I would have voted for you. So, OK, so here's how they found happiness. For me, happiness is a conscious effort. It's about claiming what's yours. If you want a positive life, you need to think positively and act positively. I do my best not to compare myself with others. I've always felt that what one person has may not be. what is destined for me. I have little phrases that I've developed over the years, and I will say it's a marvelous Monday. It's a terrific Tuesday. Most people look upon funeral services being a sad profession. I look upon it as a profession where I'm I'm helping people at a very difficult time in their lives. Being successful in life is not what really matters. Being significant in life is really the core root of what matters. I surround myself with things that make me happy. And we don't need a lot of money to make ourselves happy. Every morning I have a ritual after the boys have left. Have a good day. We get in the hot tub and it's our time and we talk about... what is going on for the rest of the day. It is just our quality time just to stay connected. I'm just curious. We're talking about how happy you are. And by the end of this show we're going to give you some specific ideas on how you can actually make yourself happier. This is Dr. Robert Holden. He is founder of the Happiness Project in England and the author of ten best-selling books, including Happiness Now. Dr. Holden, what are our top scores doing? First of all, you studied happiness. That's the deal. Dr. Yeah, I did a doctorate in the psychology of happiness. I'm British and happy. That makes me like a scientific phenomenon. And also, I'm a psychologist and I'm happy. That's even more odd. Interesting, interesting. So when we were looking at the tape of David, And he was talking about how he doesn't see it as just looking at dead people, but as helping families through a difficult time. You said he's got the right perspective. Well, I think, David, you know, your job just helps you to have a great perspective on life, which is we're just here for a short spell, and it's really important to make the most of it. You know, when I listen to people talk about life, they often say, if I die, as opposed to when I die. You know, like we're not going to do it somehow, and that we're just always going to be alive. Well, actually, no, this time around we're here for a short spell. We've got to enjoy it. And that's why I love how you talk about your marvelous Monday, your terrific Tuesday. This is a little sort of British eccentric thing coming in here, I notice. But I think you set an intention to enjoy your day and your job gives you a perspective for life. Lachelle scored 34 out of 35 on the happiness test. Dr. Holden says she uses the law of attraction to stay happy. How so? Did you know you were using the law of attraction? I've always done that. My father always told me to keep like-minded people around me. So that's what I've done ever since college. Really? Negative out, positive in. Negative out, positive in. Yeah. I do that too. Yeah. Yeah. And Lachelle, basically what I see is that you've chosen to be an optimist. You know, you've had some difficult times in your life. You've had bad circumstances, but you've made great choices. And this is how the law of attraction works. What I found, Oprah, is that basically we have beliefs about life. And our perception gathers evidence to prove that our beliefs are right. So an optimist believes that good things can come from bad situations. So your perception now works overtime looking for what's the good that can come from this. Yeah, so our perception gathers evidence to make our beliefs right. Exactly. That's the function of perception is just to teach us that we're right about everything. Hence, pessimists are right about life, optimists are right about life. Okay. because it's all about the way you perceive it. Totally. OK. Noreen, what was your score? Very low. I think the lowest you could possibly score, I believe. What was yours? What is the lowest possible score? Five. Five. I think that day, that's how I felt, Oprah. Really? Yes. Yes. OK. I'm going back to the questions. So in most ways, my life is close to ideal. You wrote what? One. One. OK, the conditions of my life are excellent. You wrote what? One. One. I'm satisfied with my life. You wrote? One. One. So far I've gotten the important things I want in life. You wrote? One. One. I could live...if I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing. You wrote? One. Wow. Oh, I know. Oh. How did you score? How did you score, Lori? It was an eight or a nine. Eight or a nine. Yeah. But I'm not surprised that you were surprised, because all day I put on a happy face, and people think I'm the happiest person alive. Yeah. It's a big lie. It is. I do it for my kids and my family, because I put them first forever. Yeah. And that's why I faked you out too, Oprah. You did. You really did, because I was standing next to you. And your energy, your vibe, which is very interesting, not just what was on your face, but your vibe was that, oh, I'm so happy. I'm so excited. That's what I was feeling from you. But obviously, Peggy, you're happy because? My husband. He is there for me 24-7. He doesn't only love me, he appreciates me and makes me feel good. Well, that's the difference. Well, Peggy, the truth is, all of you who are watching us at home, and you're stay-at-home moms doing the hardest job on earth, I think that is what is missing for so many women in particular. It's not, you know, you know your husband loves you, you take paying the bills and helping take care of the family and all that, but it's the sense of appreciation. Because for me, that's how you show whether or not you love somebody or not. So that's a key thing. I think, didn't a lot of little hairs on your head raise when she said that? I don't just feel loved, I feel appreciated. Okay, so what can Noreen and Lori do and everyone else? Anybody else out here scored a five? Fives? You're not going to admit it, I see. Okay, what else, what can they do? And it's interesting that she said on that particular day. Because let me tell you, on the day that I took the— because I don't think it has to do with the day. So the day that I took this test, I was really very sad, because my little dog Sophie, who I've had for 12 years, has had kidney failure, and on that day the doctor told me that I had to put her down. So I was really very—I didn't put her down yet, but I was really very—because she's holding on, she's holding on. But I didn't put her down. I was very sad, very sad. And I realized as I was walking, I was literally walking around crying because of Sophie. And then I realized I could change the way I felt about it, that I could think about all the wonderful times that I've had with her and what a comfort she's been in my life and change the way I felt about it. Oprah, you make such an important point, because I think for happiness, a lot of times we're looking outside of ourselves for everything to be right. For what's going on today. Yeah, exactly. But when you talk about happiness, I think you're really talking about joy. Joy. That's exactly right. You're talking about something that's inside you and it's in there regardless of how your day is and what's going on in your life. And this is the big secret to happiness. What I find is, is when people remember that there's a place in them where they're already happy and they can connect to that place, then... You know, that's the key to happiness ultimately. How can you remember that you're already happy if you've never connected to that place? Well, that's exactly true. Most of us haven't had the education or the example to show us that actually there is this innate happiness just waiting for us to make contact with it. And where is it? Well, that's a really good point. Yes, Noreen would like to know where is it. Right, where is it? I'd like to know. Somewhere right in the middle of your heart, Noreen, is where it really is. Noreen, I've been reading up on you. I've been reading your mail. And what really occurs to me is, the thing that struck me the most is, you are such a good person. That was the thing that really occurred to me first up. But I realized that, you know, you've not made some of the best choices in your life in the past. That's what it is. Yeah. Poor choices. Poor choices. And those choices, I think, have been motivated really by like a lack of what I'd call self-acceptance, which is where we somehow don't believe we deserve any more than we have. The way the law of attraction works is that as we increase our self-acceptance, we attract more happiness. We accept it. It's easier. So I really feel for you, you know, it's like you need to surround yourself with people who know how great you really are. And today's the day to begin to make some new choices. But doesn't she need to know that herself first? Totally. But I think it's also great to have some friends around you who can remind you. Because we do forget. I feel like I'm on the road. You know, I feel like this is day one now for you. I feel like I'm starting. I can feel it. It's never too late. That's the thing. I can feel it. OK. It is never too late to be happy. OK, we were talking about Lori when we come back. And some more clues on how you can begin to change your perception of what it means to be happy. And also, you're going to meet the man, my makeup artist. I love him, but he loves to complain. Can an unusual new exercise help Reggie Wells? Make up to one star. Put on a happy face. We'll see next. I started out the day my pants are too tight and the blood circulation is being cut off in my seat. Please don't mind me. We're in Chicago talking about how you can be happier. And I was just saying to Robert Holden, who's a doctorate, has a doctorate in happiness. He has a... Developed the happiness project and studies happiness and how people can be happier. I was just asking you What did you think of the secret? Yeah, you said Well, I think the secret is based on some very timeless principles. And it starts with a very wild idea, which is actually that the physical world, it doesn't really exist, it's a mental world. And actually we project ourselves onto the world. This is the key, we project what we think we deserve onto the world. And I was saying that, you know, when we had done The Secret on this show, I had said that I'd been living my life this way for many years, since 1985 actually, when I first started this show, I first started to see that the world around me wasn't really what I thought it was, and that there was an interior world, and that things did not live outside of me, things lived inside of me, and that's how you created the outside. And you said you were 18. Yeah. I discovered it at 18. I had my first, like, spiritual teacher then. Really? At 18. Yeah. Absolutely. And what did your spiritual teacher tell you? Well, he said, look, actually, Robert, you're already happy. And I said, well, that's great, but I don't feel it. So tell me, what do I have to do? And he said, you have to understand that the pursuit of happiness can—is a mistake. It's like you don't chase happiness out there. You learn that you're happy inside you, and then you go running. Then you go into the world. What if you don't feel it, though? Because I think that's what Noreen and Laurie are saying. Laurie, who's been married for 15 years and has six children, like so many of you taking care of your family, sacrifice yourself. Scored a 15 out of— 35 on our happiness test, which you can go to Oprah.com and take for yourself and take with your husband later tonight. That's the thing. See how happy he is. Lori says that people often mistake her for being happy. Even I did. I would have voted her as the most happy up here because she puts on the face. Exactly. Lori, you scored a 5, I think. No, 15. 15. Excuse me. Okay, 15. Here's what I think is, firstly, you're amazing. You have six children. You know, your vice president of the PTA... Anybody with six children has to be already... Yeah, I mean, it is amazing. Six children and you are engaged with your children. You're participating in your children's lives. That's a bravo right there. Yeah, really. That's a bravo right there. Six or two or three or one. Yeah, okay. And not just that. You're, again, you're VP of the PTA. You're a room mum at school. You're on the home association. So this is what I'm thinking, is you're so good at helping everybody else, I think you're in danger of leaving yourself out of your own life. Yeah? Absolutely. I think that's the key. And so what we have here is like a classic, what I call a martyr ethic, which is where we're putting everybody else first instead of ourselves. And here's the big secret around this one for you. And I think this is the thing that can really help you to change. Your happiness is your gift to your family. Your happiness is your gift to your family. I know you so want your children to be happy. And I tell you this, you can't just tell them to be happy, you show them with your example. And that's the big key. So, you know, we've got to start putting yourself first. Good idea. Yeah. And I think you've, yeah. Isn't this true that children don't learn from what you, as much from what you tell them, but they learn from what you demonstrate to them? They don't, you can But it's the action that really teaches your children how to be. It's the example. And so if you're unhappy in your life, that's what your children will pick up on. Totally. It's the example. You know, kids, you know, they just hear blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know. And yeah, but the example is the big thing. And so, you know, I think, yeah, it starts actually with asking your family to help you. You know, this is such a big thing because martyrs don't like to ask for help. I was going to say, that's going to be hard for her to do. And for all the other mothers out there who, you know, support her. our show and are watching. It's so difficult for us, but we have to remember that if we're alive, we need help. OK, but this is the thing. I think the perception of a lot of mothers, because, and I'm in no way comparing raising dogs to children, but I remember when I got my three puppies two years ago, I felt like, well, I did it, so now I'm going to have to do this all by myself. I'm not going to ask anybody to, I mean, this is just with dogs. I thought I'm going to do, I'm going to be responsible. I don't want any people, I don't want to be one of those people that now has to get help. You know, for three puppies at one time, which I really needed it. Yeah. I really needed it, and I ended up sleep-deprived and crazy. Yeah. And just a regular bitch. I can't tell you. I know. Because, you know, being so, you know, aggravated. Being so aggravated because of it. Yeah. Yeah, and I think the big mistake here is, and it's a common one, is that we try to do our lives by ourself. And, you know, the whole point is there are six billion people on the planet. So there's someone here to help. And it's pretty much the same thing. there's probably someone nearby. And you know, the greatest gift we can give to other people is to accept their help. Because it's like people feel loved when When you say, could you help me? They feel needed. They do. They feel like there's something they can do in your life. Yeah. Absolutely true. So it's time to stop being a super mom and be a real mom. This is what I love. Didn't you all love when Robert Holden said this, that you're in danger of taking yourself out of your own life? Yeah. We're living for everyone else. When we come back, my makeup artist Reggie Wells goes on a search for happiness. We know you can't find it outside of yourself, but... I'm searching anyway. So that... it's in our Constitution. You were saying that your spiritual teacher told you, Robert, many years ago, that you can't pursue happiness, that you are already happy, and then you go out and do whatever it is that makes you feel fulfilled or whatever. But it's in our constitution. Yeah, so we have to handle it right. Because, you see, it's like if we forget that happiness is within us, then no matter how much we pursue it, we'll always feel like we're further away from it. That's right. And this is what's so interesting is there's something called destination... Oh, yeah, destination addiction. If you're a psychologist, you have to invent an illness. So I invented an illness called destination addiction. Destination addiction is where you live in the not now. It's always about tomorrow. So you're chasing more next and there, and you promise yourself that when you get there, you'll be happy, and I promise you, you won't, because you'll always set another destination to go for. Yeah. Okay, so this leads you to my makeup artist, Reggie Wells, who I just adore. He's been with me forever, and, you know, really, and, you know, beats my face every morning and helps me look somewhat normal in front of the camera. But he is the worst complainer. And, I mean, he complains. Like, a couple weeks ago there was a minister on who gave him this bracelet to try to help him, remind him to stop complaining. And every time you complain, you're supposed to change it. Well, he complained so much that he was, like, getting whiplash from changing it. Yeah. I just kept it on one arm because I was getting... But you know what? This thing actually helped. OK, so what he was just saying about destination... What did you call it? Desti... Destination addiction. OK, so this is a perfect example. For years, Reggie used to say to me, I just want a house, I want a house, I just want my own house, I want my own house. Yes, I did. So he said, I want my own house, I want my own house. So he got, gets the house. Right. Big, beautiful house. Beautiful home. Beautiful home. And now he's like, I said, but the thing about a house is you then have to furnish the house. Well, I don't care about furniture. I'll take the furniture I have. I'll be just as happy just to have my own house, to have my little yard and my front porch. Is that what you said? Yeah, my little porch. That's what you said. Okay, he gets in the house and then, what is he complaining about? I don't have any furniture. I don't have any furniture. You know, I wish my bedroom was done. I'm lonely. I don't have nobody to live with. OK. And I said, get a dog. OK. So when we heard about an unusual new exercise that promises to make people happier, because he is Mr. Destination, happiness... Addiction. Destination Addicted, we sent Reggie to check it out, Mr. Complainer. Hey, Oprah, what am I getting into now? Oh, my God. I don't know if I'm afraid or nervous or just... I'm plain scared about what's gonna go on, but let's go see what it's about. Come on! We sent Reggie, our resident skeptic, to test out laughing yoga, first developed in India by a medical doctor. It is now practiced in 53 countries. Laughing yoga? Can I get rid of this? I hope so. Come on. Oh, look. A little strange to me. Oh, oh. Almost a little Gucci, but you know what? Let me get started. Jeffrey Breyer is one of 60 certified laughter yoga instructors in this country. Thank you for joining us for this session of laughter yoga. What we're going to be doing is we're going to be laughing as a form of exercise. Okay. We'll start with nothing and then we'll just laugh for absolutely no reason and watch and you'll feel better. Our resident cynic, my makeup artist, Mr. Reggie Wells, is not quite convinced. What the hell am I doing? Big breath out. OK. And gently relax as you go down. You feel comfortable bending. Oh my god. Oh. So this is one that people do all over the world. We call it lion laughter. Have fun. Ready? Pounce. This one is called naughty naughty. Oh! Oh! The next laughter exercise we're going to do is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Ah! Ah! Oh! Wow! Look, I'm sweating already! Laughter relieves all the negative effects of stress. It strengthens the abdominal organs and will help you get those six-pack abs we're all looking for. I'm exhausted. I've been doing this 20 minutes and I'm exhausted. Oh my God! Oh! Is it possible that Mr. Complainer of all times himself has a change of heart? Ha ha ha ha! Whew! It's a little hot though. It looked a little goofy to us. It was very goofy. It was very goofy. But in the beginning, I found that these people, if those people were that much into it, you can't fake a laugh. After a while, it gets ridiculous. So once you got into it, everybody started to move. I was hugging people I never hugged before. I was laying down on the floor with people. So did you feel better when you left the class? Oh, so it stress lifted from my soul. Yeah. It lifted from my body. So Easter Sunday, I emailed you. and told you how wonderful I was. What a great day you were having, yeah. Yeah, you did. Because I felt so much better. Thank you. We'll be right back. What were you saying? Yeah, one of the things I notice about people who are chronic complainers is that actually underneath that complaining, there's a fear of happiness. And I call it happy chondria. And this fear of happiness is where you actually are afraid if things get so good, there'll be a fall, there'll be a price, there's a cost to it. So actually rather than have everything be perfect and fall, I'll have it be quite good and complain, quite good and complain, quite good and complain. And Reggie falls in that category? I think so. I think he falls into that category. Reggie's got to dare to let life be great and let it, and trust, he's got to trust almost that happiness can happen and that it can last. Okay. Well, this is, we're talking about today how you can begin today to be happier. Go to Oprah.com and take our happiness test that our whole audience has taken. I took, obviously, I'm pretty happy. Could you be happy after taking a 90% pay cut? Do you think you could? I think no. Talk about a leap of faith. It takes a leap of faith to do that. Watch this. I was one of the youngest female vice presidents in my division. By the time she was 29, Liz Heinrich was a banking executive on Wall Street. I made a lot of money. A traditional definition of success that had a lot to do with material things. But after eight grueling years, Liz says she knew she was not on the road to happiness. I felt proud, but the work wasn't inspiring me. I didn't have passion for that work. I felt like I had to stifle parts of myself in order to be what Wall Street wanted from me. I felt like I was playing a corporate character, like it wasn't coming from inside of me who I really am. Liz says she knew that making a big change meant taking an even bigger risk. I was about to turn 30 and I realized it was time for me to live the life I wanted for myself, not the life that other people wanted for me. It's not making me happy to sit here at this desk anymore. I cannot blame anyone else for my unhappiness. I completely believe that life is short. You do not get a second chance. I was standing on an edge and for me it was time to jump. And jump she did and look at what she's doing now. Look. Beautiful, that's beautiful. Beautiful. Great job. Liz went from being a vice president of a bank, okay, to working full time as a trapeze artist, and she says you've never been happier. I love it, and I'm so happy. And it was so rough the first year that I came out, and it took about a 90% cut in my salary, but what I kind of realized during this process at the same time is that my salary was a small part of my compensation, and really, I love being on trapeze. The feeling of floating in my soul that I get, it's not just... Physically being in the air, but it's for me it's like laughter in my heart and it's hard to quantify that Fulfillment that comes with it, but I think it greatly exceeds the compensation that I sacrifice. Really? I definitely believe that. Greatly exceeds the compensation that you sacrifice. So this is so interesting when you're holding yourself up like that. Are you using your abs to hold yourself up? It's a lot of core. A lot of core. Yeah. And it's being involved in trapeze has really helped my body and my fitness and my overall health as well. It's just a lot less sedentary than sitting at a desk. Would you have thought if this had been, you know, five years ago and someone said to you, you know, if you take a 90% pay cut you could be happier, would you have thought that possible? I definitely believe that there would be a set of circumstances that would exceed the ones that I was in. Really? I, um, and I felt like... I've always loved gymnastics and going to the gym and moving around, being in the air, physical activity. So, yeah, I believe it's... And speaking of law of attraction, for everybody who's watching this right now and you are so miserable in your job, that's what this is here for, is to tell you that you can make a change. We'll be right back. I love what you had to say about Liz, though. Yeah, well, Liz, it just struck me that you made such a courageous decision, which is to really follow your joy. But you know what? As much as it's a risk to follow your joy, I think it's more of a risk not to do it. Because otherwise, I think we almost die before we die. You agree, right? Completely. I love that. We die before we die. Yeah. And there's so many people watching us right now who are in positions that take a little bit of their spirit and they die a little bit every day. Because you're in a job that you hate. You're dealing with people every day surrounded by bosses that don't respect you and treat you badly. And so you die a little bit. Die before you die. I'd never heard it put that way before. You know, I think one of the big keys in the workplace is... is the key to happiness is not to have a job, it's to have a purpose. This is a big difference. And actually, you know, if leaders in the workplace were to be really smart, they would make sure that they supported people in having a purpose rather than just a job. Yeah. Because when you've got a purpose, I think you feel like you're making a difference. Right. And it's back to the idea, David, it was your point of significance. Yes. You've got a significant life now because you're making a contribution and doing something great. Actually, I was speaking at some university once, and that was the subject of my speech. I was saying that you should not focus on success, but focus on significance and focusing on significance. How do you be significant in the world? How do you make significant contributions first to yourself, then to your family and community, and then the world? And if you focus on that, then success automatically comes. Completely true. And I think also, you know, the key to happiness is when you support other people in being happy. Yeah. It feels good. That's right. Yeah. We'll be right back. Excellent advice. I could not wait to get those tight pants off. I think I burned them. We put the updated happiness quiz on Oprah.com so check it out and thanks for joining me on Super Soul Sunday and here is to your happiness.

Hey SuperSolars! Happy Sunday! Here's a question.

How happy are you? Think about it. In your relationships, in your work or career, in your spiritual life, are you as happy as you want to be? There are some who believe that wanting to be happy is the same thing as being selfish. But really, when you are truly happy, you're feeling joy.

Aren't you a better you? Don't you vibrate on a higher level? Don't you love more deeply when you are happy?

Well, As our Super Soul Sunday conversation continues to evolve over the coming weeks, months, and years, I feel sure that all of us will continue to discover that being happy is not only a good thing, but it is essential to that connection that we call soul. Actually, I had this thought the other day. I loved it so much.

I'm going to share it with you. You can tweet it if you want. Feeling good is feeling God.

A few years ago, we spent an entire hour on The Oprah Show drilling down on the art, The practice, the pursuit of happiness. Dr. Robert Holden, founder of the Happiness Project, shared some new insights that opened us all up to thinking about happiness a little differently. We also took real people in real jobs and revealed who actually was the happiest.

And all of you watching today will be able to take a quiz that was one of the most widely used in the study of happiness. So I hope you'll stay tuned find out how happy are you. My pants are too tight. I know that. So you...

I didn't have time to change, so those of you who see my pants, you don't have to write and tell me. I know they're too tight. Today we are asking the question, how happy are you?

How happy are you? Everyone in this audience and the five people standing with me right now took a revealing test, and I want you at home to take it, too, to find out how happy you are. We're gonna do that in just a few moments.

I took it, too, and I discovered that I am so happy... That if I... if...

really, if there is an afterlife, I really want to come back as myself. I do. That is how happy I am.

So, audience, do you think you can tell, and those of you at home, too, we're just gonna scan these five people up here. Do you think you can tell who is the happiest person in this group? You think you can tell? Do you?

Okay. I think I can, too, but I could be wrong. Okay.

Because I don't know either. Everyone in this audience has a special high-tech voting device. In hand. You have it, right?

It's under your seats. And after we give you a couple of clues about each person, we want you to vote for who you think is the happiest. Okay? Those of you at home can do it, too, although you don't have the device.

Okay, ready? First up is Peggy. She is a 44-year-old married mother of two teenage sons. Last year, both Peggy's father and her sister died, and her mother is now suffering from Alzheimer's. She works as a bookkeeper in the family business.

That's Peggy. Now meet 52-year-old Noreen. Noreen is divorced and the mother of two children in college.

She's an avid swimmer. She works in the operations department of a mayor airline, a major airline, OK? I can read.

Major airline, not of a mayor, but of a major airline, OK? Now this is 27-year-old Lachelle. She is married with no children. She works two jobs and has two dogs.

Last year, four of Lachelle's friends And two family members died within six months. Four and two, okay? Now meet David. He's 53. He's been a funeral director. Looking at dad people.

Every day for 30 years, David is married and has two sons. Funeral director. Finally, Lori. She's been married for 15 years, and she has six children. She works in retail.

and is the vice president of the PTA. Okay, audience? Based on the clues, those of you at home do the same thing.

Who do you think is happiest? Each of you has a pageant. It's called Pageant Communications Voting Device. The numbers start from the left with Peggy, who is number one.

So number one, Noreen is number two. Lachelle is number three. David is number four.

And Lori is number five. Push the button to cast your vote for who you think is the happiest. happiest standing here.

Can't move too fast, my pants too tight. Can't move too fast, my pants too tight. Okay. Okay, we're ready. They tally this really quickly.

Have they done it yet, Dean? That's so nice, nice of Joe not to pull out and show my tight pants.. Are we ready? Stand by.

The number's gonna come up to us, okay? Who is the happiest? Peggy, Noreen, Lachelle, David, or Lori? How am I gonna get the answer, Dean? Okay, the results, oh.

Oh, David. David, dude. David. I took second pretty close.

Mr. Looking at dead people all day? This audience thinks that David... Looking at dead people all day is the happiest person. Okay, I don't know. What is the answer?

Dean, what is the answer? What happens now? Somebody tell me.

Okay, we're going to reveal who really is the happiest in just a moment. But first, how happy are you, audience? The quiz we're going to give you is one of the most widely used tools in the study of true happiness. There are people who study happiness, and here is how it works. You have to answer these five questions.

On a scale of 1 to 7, 7 would be the highest. Number 1, this is a question, answer this, in most ways my life is close to ideal. Number 2, the conditions of my life are excellent.

Number 3, I am satisfied with my life. Number 4, so far I've gotten the important things I want in life. Number 5...

If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing. Okay, now, add up your score, those of you at home. The highest score is 7. Y'all can add, I know.

So if you scored between 31 and 35, you are considered extremely satisfied. Okay? If you scored 15 or below, you are considered dissatisfied with your life.

And if you scored somewhere in between, you might have... A lot of work to do. You are really feeling bad about yourself.

Only 24% of this audience rated themselves as extremely happy. Doesn't that surprise you? Well, maybe not, because you all voted for yourselves, OK? OK, 5% of this audience here, you are dissatisfied with your lives, and the rest of you are somewhere in the middle, OK? Where is Lejeune?

Lejeune, OK? You scored a perfect 35 out of 35. Yeah, stand up, stand up. And why are you so happy?

I am from Baltimore, Maryland. I am a professor at Goucher College. I teach in the education department.

I was a sophomore when you delivered the commencement speech in 1981. I spoke there in 1981. Yes, you did. This is my student, Erica Green, who's with me. You were at the school when I spoke.

I was a sophomore. We shook hands after you delivered the commencement speech in 1981. Is that you? OK.

And now each year for the past four years I've taken my students to Grahamstown, South Africa. Yeah. We teach in the rural schools for one month.

OK. So you get to see how other people live and also makes you feel better about how you live. Absolutely.

I recognize my personal privilege and thank God every day for all the gifts I've been given. Oh, that's amazing. When we come back.

Okay, who scored the highest, who scored the lowest, and how we can all be happier? We're gonna find out if David, Mr. Looking at Dead People All Day, is the happiest. We'll be right back.

Back in a moment.. We're on a mission to tackle life's big questions. I'm Golriz.

And I'm Devin. And this is SoulPancake. Happy Hundred! What is happiness?

Some people spend an entire lifetime trying to figure it out. So, SoulPancake found a person in every decade of life and asked them to share their take on happiness. What can I tell you about happiness?

What do you want to know about happiness? Happiness means being able to afford your next meal. What I love are yams.

An evening that I had at a dance hall in London with Elaine. many years ago. Sort of finds you and takes you over and turns you into a giggling, joyful mess on the sidewalk.

My happy place is just being still. You know, you find your middle ground where you can get some sanity and keep that sanity. Happy place? In bed. Preferably with someone.

Happiness actually is a state of mind, so I can be happy anywhere. Disneyland. I like to go hiking, and so I always feel really happy when I'm up in the mountains.

Surrounded by a good group of people is a happy place for me. In my younger years, a happy day would be a day on the golf course. But as I grew older, the people around me became the source of my happiness. I'm happy with this.

Sometimes I get a really big cotton candy like... I made that bucket list that people talk about. So I went swimming with dolphins.

I went snowboarding. I surfed three different waves. The older I get, the more I can find happiness in almost anything. I used to think that things made me happy, or people made me happy, but I also think now that happiness is from inside me. first.

How do I define happiness in one word? Happiness in one word. Not without using a dirty word.

Happiness in one word for me I think would be love. Love. Love. Love is happiness.

Love. Absolutely. To share and be joyful and smile a lot and hug a lot and just love people and love myself. Audience just guessed that David is the happiest person of these five people.

And we're talking about how you can be happier in your life, because it's in our Constitution, this pursuit of happiness. And Peggy is the least happiest, is what our audience said. So let's see if they were right.

Step forward if you scored, because the highest you can score on this test is 35, right? Right, Robert? And then the lowest you can score is 5. So if you were 5, we need to talk to you later on today. So, so step forward if you scored 34 or above.

Yay! Okay, so Dave looking at dead people is happy. Peggy, Dave and Lachelle all scored highest.

Here's how. Now this is so interesting. I would have voted for you because you were smiling the most. I would have voted for you. So, OK, so here's how they found happiness.

For me, happiness is a conscious effort. It's about claiming what's yours. If you want a positive life, you need to think positively and act positively.

I do my best not to compare myself with others. I've always felt that what one person has may not be. what is destined for me.

I have little phrases that I've developed over the years, and I will say it's a marvelous Monday. It's a terrific Tuesday. Most people look upon funeral services being a sad profession. I look upon it as a profession where I'm I'm helping people at a very difficult time in their lives.

Being successful in life is not what really matters. Being significant in life is really the core root of what matters. I surround myself with things that make me happy. And we don't need a lot of money to make ourselves happy.

Every morning I have a ritual after the boys have left. Have a good day. We get in the hot tub and it's our time and we talk about... what is going on for the rest of the day.

It is just our quality time just to stay connected. I'm just curious. We're talking about how happy you are. And by the end of this show we're going to give you some specific ideas on how you can actually make yourself happier.

This is Dr. Robert Holden. He is founder of the Happiness Project in England and the author of ten best-selling books, including Happiness Now. Dr. Holden, what are our top scores doing?

First of all, you studied happiness. That's the deal. Dr. Yeah, I did a doctorate in the psychology of happiness.

I'm British and happy. That makes me like a scientific phenomenon. And also, I'm a psychologist and I'm happy.

That's even more odd. Interesting, interesting. So when we were looking at the tape of David, And he was talking about how he doesn't see it as just looking at dead people, but as helping families through a difficult time. You said he's got the right perspective. Well, I think, David, you know, your job just helps you to have a great perspective on life, which is we're just here for a short spell, and it's really important to make the most of it.

You know, when I listen to people talk about life, they often say, if I die, as opposed to when I die. You know, like we're not going to do it somehow, and that we're just always going to be alive. Well, actually, no, this time around we're here for a short spell.

We've got to enjoy it. And that's why I love how you talk about your marvelous Monday, your terrific Tuesday. This is a little sort of British eccentric thing coming in here, I notice.

But I think you set an intention to enjoy your day and your job gives you a perspective for life. Lachelle scored 34 out of 35 on the happiness test. Dr. Holden says she uses the law of attraction to stay happy.

How so? Did you know you were using the law of attraction? I've always done that.

My father always told me to keep like-minded people around me. So that's what I've done ever since college. Really? Negative out, positive in.

Negative out, positive in. Yeah. I do that too. Yeah.

Yeah. And Lachelle, basically what I see is that you've chosen to be an optimist. You know, you've had some difficult times in your life.

You've had bad circumstances, but you've made great choices. And this is how the law of attraction works. What I found, Oprah, is that basically we have beliefs about life. And our perception gathers evidence to prove that our beliefs are right.

So an optimist believes that good things can come from bad situations. So your perception now works overtime looking for what's the good that can come from this. Yeah, so our perception gathers evidence to make our beliefs right.

Exactly. That's the function of perception is just to teach us that we're right about everything. Hence, pessimists are right about life, optimists are right about life. Okay.

because it's all about the way you perceive it. Totally. OK.

Noreen, what was your score? Very low. I think the lowest you could possibly score, I believe. What was yours? What is the lowest possible score?

Five. Five. I think that day, that's how I felt, Oprah. Really?

Yes. Yes. OK. I'm going back to the questions. So in most ways, my life is close to ideal.

You wrote what? One. One. OK, the conditions of my life are excellent.

You wrote what? One. One.

I'm satisfied with my life. You wrote? One. One.

So far I've gotten the important things I want in life. You wrote? One.

One. I could live...if I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing. You wrote? One. Wow.

Oh, I know. Oh. How did you score?

How did you score, Lori? It was an eight or a nine. Eight or a nine. Yeah. But I'm not surprised that you were surprised, because all day I put on a happy face, and people think I'm the happiest person alive.

Yeah. It's a big lie. It is.

I do it for my kids and my family, because I put them first forever. Yeah. And that's why I faked you out too, Oprah. You did.

You really did, because I was standing next to you. And your energy, your vibe, which is very interesting, not just what was on your face, but your vibe was that, oh, I'm so happy. I'm so excited. That's what I was feeling from you. But obviously, Peggy, you're happy because?

My husband. He is there for me 24-7. He doesn't only love me, he appreciates me and makes me feel good.

Well, that's the difference. Well, Peggy, the truth is, all of you who are watching us at home, and you're stay-at-home moms doing the hardest job on earth, I think that is what is missing for so many women in particular. It's not, you know, you know your husband loves you, you take paying the bills and helping take care of the family and all that, but it's the sense of appreciation.

Because for me, that's how you show whether or not you love somebody or not. So that's a key thing. I think, didn't a lot of little hairs on your head raise when she said that?

I don't just feel loved, I feel appreciated. Okay, so what can Noreen and Lori do and everyone else? Anybody else out here scored a five? Fives?

You're not going to admit it, I see. Okay, what else, what can they do? And it's interesting that she said on that particular day. Because let me tell you, on the day that I took the— because I don't think it has to do with the day.

So the day that I took this test, I was really very sad, because my little dog Sophie, who I've had for 12 years, has had kidney failure, and on that day the doctor told me that I had to put her down. So I was really very—I didn't put her down yet, but I was really very—because she's holding on, she's holding on. But I didn't put her down.

I was very sad, very sad. And I realized as I was walking, I was literally walking around crying because of Sophie. And then I realized I could change the way I felt about it, that I could think about all the wonderful times that I've had with her and what a comfort she's been in my life and change the way I felt about it. Oprah, you make such an important point, because I think for happiness, a lot of times we're looking outside of ourselves for everything to be right.

For what's going on today. Yeah, exactly. But when you talk about happiness, I think you're really talking about joy.

Joy. That's exactly right. You're talking about something that's inside you and it's in there regardless of how your day is and what's going on in your life.

And this is the big secret to happiness. What I find is, is when people remember that there's a place in them where they're already happy and they can connect to that place, then... You know, that's the key to happiness ultimately. How can you remember that you're already happy if you've never connected to that place?

Well, that's exactly true. Most of us haven't had the education or the example to show us that actually there is this innate happiness just waiting for us to make contact with it. And where is it?

Well, that's a really good point. Yes, Noreen would like to know where is it. Right, where is it? I'd like to know.

Somewhere right in the middle of your heart, Noreen, is where it really is. Noreen, I've been reading up on you. I've been reading your mail. And what really occurs to me is, the thing that struck me the most is, you are such a good person. That was the thing that really occurred to me first up.

But I realized that, you know, you've not made some of the best choices in your life in the past. That's what it is. Yeah.

Poor choices. Poor choices. And those choices, I think, have been motivated really by like a lack of what I'd call self-acceptance, which is where we somehow don't believe we deserve any more than we have.

The way the law of attraction works is that as we increase our self-acceptance, we attract more happiness. We accept it. It's easier.

So I really feel for you, you know, it's like you need to surround yourself with people who know how great you really are. And today's the day to begin to make some new choices. But doesn't she need to know that herself first? Totally. But I think it's also great to have some friends around you who can remind you.

Because we do forget. I feel like I'm on the road. You know, I feel like this is day one now for you.

I feel like I'm starting. I can feel it. It's never too late. That's the thing. I can feel it.

OK. It is never too late to be happy. OK, we were talking about Lori when we come back. And some more clues on how you can begin to change your perception of what it means to be happy.

And also, you're going to meet the man, my makeup artist. I love him, but he loves to complain. Can an unusual new exercise help Reggie Wells?

Make up to one star. Put on a happy face. We'll see next. I started out the day my pants are too tight and the blood circulation is being cut off in my seat.

Please don't mind me. We're in Chicago talking about how you can be happier. And I was just saying to Robert Holden, who's a doctorate, has a doctorate in happiness.

He has a... Developed the happiness project and studies happiness and how people can be happier. I was just asking you What did you think of the secret?

Yeah, you said Well, I think the secret is based on some very timeless principles. And it starts with a very wild idea, which is actually that the physical world, it doesn't really exist, it's a mental world. And actually we project ourselves onto the world. This is the key, we project what we think we deserve onto the world.

And I was saying that, you know, when we had done The Secret on this show, I had said that I'd been living my life this way for many years, since 1985 actually, when I first started this show, I first started to see that the world around me wasn't really what I thought it was, and that there was an interior world, and that things did not live outside of me, things lived inside of me, and that's how you created the outside. And you said you were 18. Yeah. I discovered it at 18. I had my first, like, spiritual teacher then.

Really? At 18. Yeah. Absolutely.

And what did your spiritual teacher tell you? Well, he said, look, actually, Robert, you're already happy. And I said, well, that's great, but I don't feel it. So tell me, what do I have to do? And he said, you have to understand that the pursuit of happiness can—is a mistake.

It's like you don't chase happiness out there. You learn that you're happy inside you, and then you go running. Then you go into the world.

What if you don't feel it, though? Because I think that's what Noreen and Laurie are saying. Laurie, who's been married for 15 years and has six children, like so many of you taking care of your family, sacrifice yourself.

Scored a 15 out of— 35 on our happiness test, which you can go to Oprah.com and take for yourself and take with your husband later tonight. That's the thing. See how happy he is. Lori says that people often mistake her for being happy.

Even I did. I would have voted her as the most happy up here because she puts on the face. Exactly. Lori, you scored a 5, I think. No, 15. 15. Excuse me.

Okay, 15. Here's what I think is, firstly, you're amazing. You have six children. You know, your vice president of the PTA... Anybody with six children has to be already...

Yeah, I mean, it is amazing. Six children and you are engaged with your children. You're participating in your children's lives.

That's a bravo right there. Yeah, really. That's a bravo right there.

Six or two or three or one. Yeah, okay. And not just that. You're, again, you're VP of the PTA. You're a room mum at school.

You're on the home association. So this is what I'm thinking, is you're so good at helping everybody else, I think you're in danger of leaving yourself out of your own life. Yeah?

Absolutely. I think that's the key. And so what we have here is like a classic, what I call a martyr ethic, which is where we're putting everybody else first instead of ourselves.

And here's the big secret around this one for you. And I think this is the thing that can really help you to change. Your happiness is your gift to your family.

Your happiness is your gift to your family. I know you so want your children to be happy. And I tell you this, you can't just tell them to be happy, you show them with your example.

And that's the big key. So, you know, we've got to start putting yourself first. Good idea. Yeah. And I think you've, yeah.

Isn't this true that children don't learn from what you, as much from what you tell them, but they learn from what you demonstrate to them? They don't, you can But it's the action that really teaches your children how to be. It's the example.

And so if you're unhappy in your life, that's what your children will pick up on. Totally. It's the example. You know, kids, you know, they just hear blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know.

And yeah, but the example is the big thing. And so, you know, I think, yeah, it starts actually with asking your family to help you. You know, this is such a big thing because martyrs don't like to ask for help.

I was going to say, that's going to be hard for her to do. And for all the other mothers out there who, you know, support her. our show and are watching.

It's so difficult for us, but we have to remember that if we're alive, we need help. OK, but this is the thing. I think the perception of a lot of mothers, because, and I'm in no way comparing raising dogs to children, but I remember when I got my three puppies two years ago, I felt like, well, I did it, so now I'm going to have to do this all by myself. I'm not going to ask anybody to, I mean, this is just with dogs.

I thought I'm going to do, I'm going to be responsible. I don't want any people, I don't want to be one of those people that now has to get help. You know, for three puppies at one time, which I really needed it. Yeah.

I really needed it, and I ended up sleep-deprived and crazy. Yeah. And just a regular bitch.

I can't tell you. I know. Because, you know, being so, you know, aggravated. Being so aggravated because of it.

Yeah. Yeah, and I think the big mistake here is, and it's a common one, is that we try to do our lives by ourself. And, you know, the whole point is there are six billion people on the planet.

So there's someone here to help. And it's pretty much the same thing. there's probably someone nearby.

And you know, the greatest gift we can give to other people is to accept their help. Because it's like people feel loved when When you say, could you help me? They feel needed. They do.

They feel like there's something they can do in your life. Yeah. Absolutely true. So it's time to stop being a super mom and be a real mom.

This is what I love. Didn't you all love when Robert Holden said this, that you're in danger of taking yourself out of your own life? Yeah.

We're living for everyone else. When we come back, my makeup artist Reggie Wells goes on a search for happiness. We know you can't find it outside of yourself, but...

I'm searching anyway. So that... it's in our Constitution.

You were saying that your spiritual teacher told you, Robert, many years ago, that you can't pursue happiness, that you are already happy, and then you go out and do whatever it is that makes you feel fulfilled or whatever. But it's in our constitution. Yeah, so we have to handle it right.

Because, you see, it's like if we forget that happiness is within us, then no matter how much we pursue it, we'll always feel like we're further away from it. That's right. And this is what's so interesting is there's something called destination...

Oh, yeah, destination addiction. If you're a psychologist, you have to invent an illness. So I invented an illness called destination addiction. Destination addiction is where you live in the not now. It's always about tomorrow.

So you're chasing more next and there, and you promise yourself that when you get there, you'll be happy, and I promise you, you won't, because you'll always set another destination to go for. Yeah. Okay, so this leads you to my makeup artist, Reggie Wells, who I just adore. He's been with me forever, and, you know, really, and, you know, beats my face every morning and helps me look somewhat normal in front of the camera.

But he is the worst complainer. And, I mean, he complains. Like, a couple weeks ago there was a minister on who gave him this bracelet to try to help him, remind him to stop complaining.

And every time you complain, you're supposed to change it. Well, he complained so much that he was, like, getting whiplash from changing it. Yeah.

I just kept it on one arm because I was getting... But you know what? This thing actually helped.

OK, so what he was just saying about destination... What did you call it? Desti...

Destination addiction. OK, so this is a perfect example. For years, Reggie used to say to me, I just want a house, I want a house, I just want my own house, I want my own house.

Yes, I did. So he said, I want my own house, I want my own house. So he got, gets the house.

Right. Big, beautiful house. Beautiful home.

Beautiful home. And now he's like, I said, but the thing about a house is you then have to furnish the house. Well, I don't care about furniture. I'll take the furniture I have. I'll be just as happy just to have my own house, to have my little yard and my front porch.

Is that what you said? Yeah, my little porch. That's what you said.

Okay, he gets in the house and then, what is he complaining about? I don't have any furniture. I don't have any furniture. You know, I wish my bedroom was done.

I'm lonely. I don't have nobody to live with. OK.

And I said, get a dog. OK. So when we heard about an unusual new exercise that promises to make people happier, because he is Mr. Destination, happiness... Addiction. Destination Addicted, we sent Reggie to check it out, Mr. Complainer.

Hey, Oprah, what am I getting into now? Oh, my God. I don't know if I'm afraid or nervous or just... I'm plain scared about what's gonna go on, but let's go see what it's about. Come on!

We sent Reggie, our resident skeptic, to test out laughing yoga, first developed in India by a medical doctor. It is now practiced in 53 countries. Laughing yoga? Can I get rid of this?

I hope so. Come on. Oh, look.

A little strange to me. Oh, oh. Almost a little Gucci, but you know what? Let me get started.

Jeffrey Breyer is one of 60 certified laughter yoga instructors in this country. Thank you for joining us for this session of laughter yoga. What we're going to be doing is we're going to be laughing as a form of exercise.

Okay. We'll start with nothing and then we'll just laugh for absolutely no reason and watch and you'll feel better. Our resident cynic, my makeup artist, Mr. Reggie Wells, is not quite convinced.

What the hell am I doing? Big breath out. OK. And gently relax as you go down.

You feel comfortable bending. Oh my god. Oh. So this is one that people do all over the world. We call it lion laughter.

Have fun. Ready? Pounce.

This one is called naughty naughty. Oh! Oh! The next laughter exercise we're going to do is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Ah! Ah! Oh!

Wow! Look, I'm sweating already! Laughter relieves all the negative effects of stress.

It strengthens the abdominal organs and will help you get those six-pack abs we're all looking for. I'm exhausted. I've been doing this 20 minutes and I'm exhausted. Oh my God! Oh!

Is it possible that Mr. Complainer of all times himself has a change of heart? Ha ha ha ha! Whew!

It's a little hot though. It looked a little goofy to us. It was very goofy. It was very goofy. But in the beginning, I found that these people, if those people were that much into it, you can't fake a laugh.

After a while, it gets ridiculous. So once you got into it, everybody started to move. I was hugging people I never hugged before.

I was laying down on the floor with people. So did you feel better when you left the class? Oh, so it stress lifted from my soul.

Yeah. It lifted from my body. So Easter Sunday, I emailed you. and told you how wonderful I was. What a great day you were having, yeah.

Yeah, you did. Because I felt so much better. Thank you. We'll be right back. What were you saying?

Yeah, one of the things I notice about people who are chronic complainers is that actually underneath that complaining, there's a fear of happiness. And I call it happy chondria. And this fear of happiness is where you actually are afraid if things get so good, there'll be a fall, there'll be a price, there's a cost to it.

So actually rather than have everything be perfect and fall, I'll have it be quite good and complain, quite good and complain, quite good and complain. And Reggie falls in that category? I think so.

I think he falls into that category. Reggie's got to dare to let life be great and let it, and trust, he's got to trust almost that happiness can happen and that it can last. Okay.

Well, this is, we're talking about today how you can begin today to be happier. Go to Oprah.com and take our happiness test that our whole audience has taken. I took, obviously, I'm pretty happy. Could you be happy after taking a 90% pay cut? Do you think you could?

I think no. Talk about a leap of faith. It takes a leap of faith to do that.

Watch this. I was one of the youngest female vice presidents in my division. By the time she was 29, Liz Heinrich was a banking executive on Wall Street. I made a lot of money.

A traditional definition of success that had a lot to do with material things. But after eight grueling years, Liz says she knew she was not on the road to happiness. I felt proud, but the work wasn't inspiring me. I didn't have passion for that work.

I felt like I had to stifle parts of myself in order to be what Wall Street wanted from me. I felt like I was playing a corporate character, like it wasn't coming from inside of me who I really am. Liz says she knew that making a big change meant taking an even bigger risk. I was about to turn 30 and I realized it was time for me to live the life I wanted for myself, not the life that other people wanted for me. It's not making me happy to sit here at this desk anymore.

I cannot blame anyone else for my unhappiness. I completely believe that life is short. You do not get a second chance.

I was standing on an edge and for me it was time to jump. And jump she did and look at what she's doing now. Look. Beautiful, that's beautiful.

Beautiful. Great job. Liz went from being a vice president of a bank, okay, to working full time as a trapeze artist, and she says you've never been happier.

I love it, and I'm so happy. And it was so rough the first year that I came out, and it took about a 90% cut in my salary, but what I kind of realized during this process at the same time is that my salary was a small part of my compensation, and really, I love being on trapeze. The feeling of floating in my soul that I get, it's not just... Physically being in the air, but it's for me it's like laughter in my heart and it's hard to quantify that Fulfillment that comes with it, but I think it greatly exceeds the compensation that I sacrifice. Really?

I definitely believe that. Greatly exceeds the compensation that you sacrifice. So this is so interesting when you're holding yourself up like that.

Are you using your abs to hold yourself up? It's a lot of core. A lot of core. Yeah. And it's being involved in trapeze has really helped my body and my fitness and my overall health as well.

It's just a lot less sedentary than sitting at a desk. Would you have thought if this had been, you know, five years ago and someone said to you, you know, if you take a 90% pay cut you could be happier, would you have thought that possible? I definitely believe that there would be a set of circumstances that would exceed the ones that I was in. Really? I, um, and I felt like...

I've always loved gymnastics and going to the gym and moving around, being in the air, physical activity. So, yeah, I believe it's... And speaking of law of attraction, for everybody who's watching this right now and you are so miserable in your job, that's what this is here for, is to tell you that you can make a change. We'll be right back.

I love what you had to say about Liz, though. Yeah, well, Liz, it just struck me that you made such a courageous decision, which is to really follow your joy. But you know what?

As much as it's a risk to follow your joy, I think it's more of a risk not to do it. Because otherwise, I think we almost die before we die. You agree, right?

Completely. I love that. We die before we die. Yeah.

And there's so many people watching us right now who are in positions that take a little bit of their spirit and they die a little bit every day. Because you're in a job that you hate. You're dealing with people every day surrounded by bosses that don't respect you and treat you badly.

And so you die a little bit. Die before you die. I'd never heard it put that way before. You know, I think one of the big keys in the workplace is... is the key to happiness is not to have a job, it's to have a purpose.

This is a big difference. And actually, you know, if leaders in the workplace were to be really smart, they would make sure that they supported people in having a purpose rather than just a job. Yeah. Because when you've got a purpose, I think you feel like you're making a difference. Right.

And it's back to the idea, David, it was your point of significance. Yes. You've got a significant life now because you're making a contribution and doing something great.

Actually, I was speaking at some university once, and that was the subject of my speech. I was saying that you should not focus on success, but focus on significance and focusing on significance. How do you be significant in the world? How do you make significant contributions first to yourself, then to your family and community, and then the world?

And if you focus on that, then success automatically comes. Completely true. And I think also, you know, the key to happiness is when you support other people in being happy.

Yeah. It feels good. That's right. Yeah. We'll be right back.

Excellent advice. I could not wait to get those tight pants off. I think I burned them. We put the updated happiness quiz on Oprah.com so check it out and thanks for joining me on Super Soul Sunday and here is to your happiness.

Transcript for:Exploring Happiness and Personal Growth

Transcript for:
Exploring Happiness and Personal Growth