Transcript for:
Danny the Champion of the World

Danny the champion of the world Baro doll chapter 1 the filling station when I was four months old my mother died suddenly and my father was left to look after me all by himself this is how I looked at the time I had no brothers or sisters so all through my boyhood from the age of four months onward there were just the two of us my father and me we lived in an old gypsy caravan behind a filling station my father owned the filling station and the caravan and a small field behind but that was about all he owned in the world it was a very small filling station on a small country road surrounded by fields and woody hills while I was still a baby my father washed me and fed me and changed my nappies and did all the millions of other things a mother normally does for her child that is not an easy task for a man especially when he has to earn his living at the same time by repairing motor car engines and serving customers with petrol but my father didn't seem to mind I think that all the love he had felt for my mother when she was alive he now lavished upon me during my early years I never had a moment's unhappiness or illness and Here I am on my fifth birthday I was now a scruffy little boy as you can see with grease and oil all over me but that was because I spent all day in the workshop helping my father with the cars the filling station itself had only two pumps there was a wooden shed behind the pumps that served as an office there was nothing in the office except an old table and a cash register to put the money into it was one of those where you press the button and a bell rang and the drawer shut out with a horrific bang I used to love that the square brick building to the right of the office was the workshop my father built there himself with loving care and it was the only real solid thing in the place we are engineers you and I he used to say to me we earn our living by repairing engines and we can't do good in a rotten workshop it was a fine workshop big enough to take one car comfortably and leave plenty of room round the sides for working it had a telephone so that customers could arrange to bring their cars in for repair the caravan was our house and our home it was a real old gypsy wagon with big wheels and fine patterns painted all over it in yellow and red and blue my father said it was at least a hundred and fifty years old many gypsy children he said had been born in it and had grown up within its wooden walls with a horse to pull it the old Caravan must have wondered for thousands of miles along the roads and lanes of England but now it's wanderings were over and because the wooden spokes in the wheels were beginning to rot my father had propped it up underneath with bricks there was only one room in the caravan and it wasn't much bigger than a fair sized modern bathroom it was a narrow room the shape of the caravan itself and against the back wall were two bunk beds one above the other the top one was my father's the bottom one mine although we had electric lights in the workshop we were not allowed to have them in the caravan the electricity people said it was unsafe to put wise into something as old and rickety as that so we got how heat and light in much the same way as the gypsies had done years ago there was a wood-burning stove with a chimney that went up through the roof and this kept us warm in winter there was a paraffin burner on which to boil a kettle or cooker stew and there was a paraffin lamp hanging from the ceiling when I needed a bath my father would heat a kettle of water and pours into a basin then he would strip me naked and scrub me all over standing up this I think got me just as clean as if I were washed in a bath probably cleaner because I didn't finish up sitting in my own dirty water for furniture we had two chairs in a small table and those apart from a tiny chest of drawers were all the home comforts we possessed they were all we needed the lavatory was a funny little wooden hut standing in the field some way behind the terror it was fine in summertime but I can tell you that sitting out there on a snowy day in winter was like sitting in a fridge immediately behind the caravan was an old apple tree it bore lovely apples that ripened in the middle of September and you could go on picking them for the next four or five weeks some of the boughs of the tree hung right over the caravan and when the wind blew the Apple was down in the night they often landed on our roof I would hear them going some some some above my head as I lay in my bunk but those noises never frightened me because I knew exactly what was making them I really loved living in that gypsy caravan I loved it especially in the evenings when I was tucked up in my bunk and my father was telling these stories the paraffin lamp was turned low and I could see lumps of wood glowing red-hot in the old stove and wonderful it was to be lying there snug and warm in my bunk in that little room most wonderful of all was the feeling that when I went to sleep my father would still be there very close to me sitting in his chair by the fire or lying in the bunk above my own chapter to the Big Friendly Giant my father without the slightest doubt was the most marvellous and exciting father any boy ever had here is a picture of him you might think if he didn't know him well that he was a stern in serious man he wasn't he was actually a wildly funny person what made him appear so serious was the fact that he never smiled with his mouth he did it all with his eyes he had brilliant blue eyes and when he thought of something funny his eyes would flash and if you look carefully you could actually see a tiny little golden spark dancing in the middle of each eye but the mouth never moved I was glad my father was an eye smiler in men he never gave me a fake smile because it's impossible to make your eyes twinkle if you aren't feeling twinkly yourself a mouth smile is different you can fake a mouth smile anytime you want simply by moving your lips I've also learned that a real mouth smart always has an eye smarter though with it so watch out I say when someone smiles at you with his mouth but the eyes stay the same it's sure to be bogus my father was not what you would call an educated man and I doubt if he had read 20 books in his life but he was a marvellous storyteller he used to make up a bedtime story for me every single night and the best ones were turned into serials and went on for many nights running one of them which must have gone on for at least 50 nights wasn't about an enormous fellow called the Big Friendly Giant or The BFG for short The BFG was three times as tall as an ordinary man and his hands were as big as wheelbarrows he lived in a vast underground cavern not far from our filling station and he only came out into the open when it was dark inside the caravan he had a powder factory where he made more than a hundred different kinds of magic powder occasionally as he told his stories my father would stride up and down waving his arms and waggling his fingers but mostly he would sit close to me on the edge of my bunk and speak very softly the Big Friendly Giant makes his magic powders out of the dreams that children dream when they are asleep he said how I asked tell me how dad dreams my love are very mysterious things they float around in the night air like little clouds searching for sleeping people can you see them I asked nobody can see them then how does the Big Friendly Giant catch them my father said that is the interesting part a dream you see as it goes drifting through the night air makes a tiny little buzzing humming sound a sound so soft and low it is impossible for ordinary people to hear it but the BFG can hear it easily his sense of hearing is absolutely fantastic I loved the far intent look on my father's face when he was telling a story his face was pale and still and distant unconscious of everything around him the BFG he said can hear the tread of a ladybirds footstep as she walks across a leaf he can hear the whispering of ants as they scurry around in the soil talking to one another he can hear the sudden shrill cry of pain a tree gives out when a Woodman cuts into it with an axe ah yes my darling there is a whole world of sound around us that we cannot hear because our is are simply not sensitive enough what happens when he catches the dreams I asked he imprisons them in glass bottles and screws the tops down tight my father said he has thousands of these bottles in his cave does he catch bad dreams as well as good ones yes my father said he captures both but he only uses the good ones in his powders what does he do with the bad ones he explodes them it is impossible to tell you how much I loved my father when he was sitting close to me on my bunk I would reach out and slide my hand into his and then he would fold his long fingers around my fist holding it tight what does the BFG do with his powders after he has made them I asked in the dead of night my father said he goes prowling through the villages searching for houses where children are asleep because of his great height he can reach windows that are one and even two flights up and when he finds a room with a sleeping child he opens his suitcase his suitcase I said The BFG he always carries a suitcase and a blowpipe my father said the blowpipe is as long as a lamppost the suitcases for the powders so he opens the suitcase and selects exactly the right powder and he puts it into the blowpipe and he slides the blowpipe in through the open window and poof he blows in the powder and the powder floats around the room and the child breathes it in and then what I asked and then Danny the child begins to dream a marvelous and fantastic dream and when the dream reaches its most marvelous and fantastic moment then the magic powder really takes over and suddenly the dream is not a dream any longer but real happening and the child is not asleep in bed he is fully awake and is actually in the place of the dream and is taking part in the whole thing I mean really taking part in real life more about that tomorrow it's getting late good night Danny go to sleep my father kissed me and then he turned down the wick of the little paraffin lamp until the flame went out he seated himself in front of the wood stove which now made a lovely red glow in the dark room dad I whispered what is it have you ever actually seen the Big Friendly Giant once my father said only once you did where I was out behind the caravan my father said and it was a clear moonlit night and I happened to look up and suddenly I saw this tremendous tall person running along the crest of the hill he had a queer long-striding lot of ingate and his black cloak was streaming out behind him like the wings of a bird there was a big suitcase in one hand and a blowpipe in the other and when he came to the high Hawthorn hedge at the end of the field he just strode over it as though it wasn't there were you frightened dad no my father said it was thrilling to see him and a little eerie but I wasn't frightened go to sleep now good night Chapter three cars and kites and fire balloons my father was a fine mechanic people who lived miles away used to bring their cars to him for a repair rather than take them to their nearest garage he loved engines a petrol engine is sheer magic he said to me once just imagine being able to take a thousand different bits of metal and if you fit them all together in a certain way and then if you feed them at as loyal and petrol and if you press a little switch suddenly those bits of metal will all come to life and they will purr and hum and roar they will make the wheels of a motorcar go whizzing round had fantastic speeds it was inevitable that I too should fall in love with engines and cars don't forget that even before I could walk the workshop had been my playroom for where else could my father have put me so that he could keep an eye on me all day long my toys were the greasy cogs and springs and pistons that lay around all over the place and these I can promise you were far more fun to play with there most of the plastic stuff children are given these days so almost from birth I began training to be a mechanic but now that I was five years old there was the problem of school to think about it was the law that parents must send their children to school at the age of five and my father know about this we were in the workshop I remember on my fifth birthday when the talk about school started I was helping my father to fit new brake linings to the rear wheel of a big Ford when suddenly he said to me you know something interesting Danny you must be easily the best five-year-old mechanic in the world this was the greatest compliment he had ever paid me I was enormous ly pleased you like this work don't you he said all this messing about with engines I absolutely love it I said he turned and faced me and laid a hand gently on my shoulder I want to teach you to be a great mechanic he said and when you grow up I hope you will become a famous designing engineer a man who designs new and better engines for cars and aeroplanes for that he added you will need a really good education but I don't want to send you to school quite yet in another two years you will have learned enough here with me to be able to take a small engine completely to pieces and put it together again all by yourself after that you can go to school you probably think my father was crazy trying to teach a young child to be an expert mechanic but as a matter of fact he wasn't crazy at all I learned fast and I adored every moment of it and luckily for us nobody came knocking on the door to ask why I wasn't attending school so two more years went by and at the age of seven believe it or not I really could take a small end into pieces and put it together again I mean properly two pieces Pistons and Crenshaw and all the time had come to start school my school was in the nearest village two miles away we didn't have a car of our own we couldn't afford one but the walk took only half an hour and I didn't mind that in the least my father came with me he insisted on coming and when school ended at 4:00 in the afternoon he was always there waiting to walk me home and so life went on the world I lived in consisted only of the filling station the workshop the caravan the school and of course the woods and fields and streams in the countryside around but I was never born it was impossible to be bored in my father's company he was too Sparky a man for that plots and plans and new ideas came flying off him like sparks from a grindstone there's a good wind today he said one Saturday morning just right for flying a kite let's make a kite Danny so we made a kind he showed me how to splice four thin sticks together in the shape of a star with two more sticks across the middle to brace it then we cut up an old blue shirt of his and stretched the material across the framework of the kind we added a long tail made of thread with little leftover pieces of the shirt tied at intervals along it we found a bore of string in the workshop and he showed me how to attach the string to the framework so that the kite would be properly balanced in flight together we walked the top of the hill behind the filling station to release the kite I found it hard to believe that this object made only from a few sticks and a piece of old shirt would actually fly I held the string while my father held the kite and the moment he let it go it caught the wind and soared upward like a huge blue bird let out some more Danny he cried go on as much as you like higher and higher soared the kite soon it was just a small blue dot dancing in the sky miles above my head and it was thrilling to stand there holding on to something that was so far away and so very much alive this faraway thing was tugging and struggling on the end of the line like a big fish let's walk it back to the caravan my father said so we walked down the hill again with me holding the string and the kite still pulling fiercely on the other end when we came to the caravan we were careful not to get the string tangled in the apple tree and we brought it all the way round to the front steps tied to the steps my father said will it still stay up I asked it will if the wind doesn't drop he said the wind didn't drop and I will tell you something amazing that kite stayed up there all through the night and at breakfast time next morning the small blue dot was still dancing and swooping in the sky after breakfast I hold it down and hung it carefully against the wall in the workshop for another day not long after that on a lovely still evening when there was no breath of wind anywhere my father said to me this is just the right weather for a fire balloon let's make a fire balloon he must have planned this one beforehand because he had already bought the four big sheets of tissue paper and the pot of glue from mr. Witten's bookshop in the village and now using only the paper the glue and a pair of scissors and a piece of thin wire he made me a huge magnificent fire balloon in less than fifteen minutes in the opening at the bottom he tied a ball of cotton wool and we were ready to go it was getting dark when we carried it outside into the field behind the caravan we had with us a bottle of methylated spirit and some matches I held the balloon upright while my father crouched underneath it and carefully poured a little meths onto the ball of cotton wool he goes he said putting a match to the cotton wool hold the sides out as much as you can Danny a tall yellow flame leaped up from the ball of cotton wool and went right inside the balloon it'll catch on fire I cried no it won't he said watch between us we held the sides of the balloon out as much as possible to keep them away from the flame in the early stages but soon the hot air filled the balloon and the danger was over she's nearly ready my father said can you feel her floating yes I said yes shall we let though not yet wait a bit longer wait until she's tugging to fly away she's tugging now I said right he cried let her go slowly majestically and in absolute silence our wonderful balloon began to rise up into the night sky it flies I shouted clapping my hands and jumping about it flies it flies my father was nearly as excited as I was it's a beauty he said this one's a real beauty you never know how they're going to turn out until you fly them each one is different up and up it went rising very fast now in the cool night air it was like a magic fireball in the sky when other people see it I asked I'm sure they will Danny it's high enough now for them to see it for miles around what would they think it is dead a flying saucer my father said they'll probably call the police a small breeze had taken hold of the balloon and was carrying it away in the direction of the village let's follow it my father said and with luck we will find it when it comes down we ran to the road we ran along the road we kept running she's coming down my father's childhood the flames nearly gone out we lost sight of it when the flame went out but we guessed roughly which field it would be landing in and we climbed over a gate and ran towards the place for half an hour we searched the field in the darkness but we couldn't find a balloon the next morning I went back alone to search again I searched for big fields before I found it it was lying in the corner of a field that was full of black and white cows the cars are all standing rounded and staring at it with their huge wet eyes but they hadn't harmed it one bit so I carried it home and hung it up alongside the kite against the wall in the workshop for another day you can fly the kite all by yourself anytime you like my father said but you must never fly the fire balloon unless I'm with you it's extremely dangerous all right I said promise me you'll never try to fly it alone Danny promised I said then there was the treehouse which we built high up in the top of the big oak at the bottom of our field and the bow and arrow the bow of four foot long ash sapling and the arrows flighted with the tail feathers of partridge and pheasant and stilts that made me ten feet tall and a boomerang that came back and fell at my feet nearly every time I threw it and for my last birthday there had been something that was more fun perhaps than all the rest for two days before my birthday I'd been forbidden to enter the workshop because my father was in there working on a secret and on the birthday morning out came an amazing machine made from four bicycle wheels and several large soap boxes but this was no ordinary Whizzer it had a brake pedal a steering wheel a comfortable seat and a strong front bumper to take the shock of a crash I called it soap Oh and just about every day I would take it up to the top of the hill in the field behind the filling station and come shooting down again at incredible speeds riding it like a Bronco over the bumps so you can see that being 8 years old and living with my father was a lot of fun but I was impatient to be 9 I reckoned that being 9 would be even more fun than being 8 as it turned out I was not altogether right about this my ninth year was certainly more exciting than any of the others but not all of it was exactly what you would call fun chapter 4 my father's deep dark secret Here I am at the age of nine this picture was made just before all the excitement started and I didn't have a worry in the world you will learn as you get older just as I learned that autumn that no father is perfect grown-ups are complicated creatures full of quirks and secrets some have quirkier quirks and deeper secrets than others but all of them including one's own parents have two or three private habits hidden up their sleeves that would probably make you gasp if you know about them the rest of this book is about a most private secret habit my father had and about the strains Adventures it led us both into it all started on a Saturday evening it was the first Saturday of September around six o'clock my father and I had suffered together in the caravan as usual then I went to bed my father told me a fine story and kissed me good night I fell asleep for some reason I woke up again during the night I lay still listening for the sound of my father's breathing in the bunk above mine I could hear nothing he wasn't there I was certain of that this meant that he had gone back to the workshop to finish a job he often did that after he had tucked me in I listened for the usual workshop sounds the little clinking noises of metal against metal or the tap of a hammer they always comforted me tremendously those noises in the night because they told me my father was close at hand but on this night no sound came from the workshop the filling station was silent I got out of my bunk and found a box of matches by the sink I struck one and held it up to the funny old clock that hang on the wall above the kettle it said ten past eleven I went to the door of the caravan dad I said softly dad are you there no answer there was a small wooden platform outside the cabin door about four feet above the ground I stood on the platform and gazed around me dad I called out where are you still no answer in pajamas and bare feet I went down the caravan steps and crossed over to the workshop I switched on the light the old car we had been working on through the day was still there but not my father I've already told you he did not have a car of his own so there was no question of his having gone for a drive he wouldn't have done that anyway I was sure he would never willingly have left me alone in the filling station at night in which case I thought he must have fainted suddenly from some awful illness all fallen down and banged his head I would need a light if I was going to find him I took Torche from the bench in the workshop I looked in the office I went around and searched behind the office and behind the workshop I ran down the field to the lavatory it was empty dad I shouted into the darkness dad where are you I ran back to the caravan I run the light into his bunk to make absolutely sure he wasn't there he wasn't in his bunk I stood in the dark Caravan and for the first time in my life I felt a touch of panic the filling station was a long way from the nearest farmhouse I took the blanket from my bunk and put it around my shoulders then I went out the caravan door and sat on the platform with my feet on the top step of the ladder there was a new moon in the sky and of course the road the big field laid pale and deserted in the moonlight the silence was deathly i don't know how long i sat there it may have been one hour it could have been two but I never dozed off I wanted to keep listening all the time if I listen very carefully I might hear something that would tell me where he was then at last from far away I heard the faint tap tap of footsteps on the road the footsteps were coming closer and closer tap tap tap tap was it him or was it somebody else i sat still watching the road I couldn't see very far along it it faded away into a misty moonlit darkness tap tap tap tap came the footsteps then out of the Mist the figure appeared it was him I jumped down the steps and ran onto the road to meet him Danny he cried what on earth's the matter I thought something awful had happened to you I said he took my hand in his and walked me back to the caravan in silence then he tucked me into my bunk I'm so sorry he said I should never have done it but you don't usually wake up do you where did you go dad you must be tired out he said I'm not a bit tired couldn't we light the lamp for a little while my father put a match to the wick of the lamp hanging from the ceiling and the little yellow flame sprang up and filled the inside of the curve with pale light how about a hot drink he said yes please he lit the paraffin burner and put the kettle on to boil I have decided something he said I'm going to let you in on the deepest darkest secret of my whole life I was sitting up in my bunk watching my father you asked me where I had been he said the truth is I was up in Hazel's wood Hazel's wood I cried their smiles away six miles and a half my father said I know I shouldn't have gone and I'm very very sorry about it but I had such a powerful yearning his voice trailed away into nothingness but why would you want to go all the way up to Hazel's wood I asked he spooned cocoa powder and sugar into two monks doing it very slowly and leveling each spoonful as though he were measuring medicine do you know what is meant by poaching he asked poaching not really no it means going up into the woods in the dead of night and coming back with something for the pot poachers in other places poach all sorts of different things but around here it's always pheasants you mean stealing them I said aghast we don't look at it that way my father said poaching is an art a great poacher is a great artist is that actually what you were doing in Hazel's were dead poaching pheasants I was practicing the art he said the art of poaching I was shocked my own father a thief this gentle lovely man I couldn't believe he would go creeping into the woods at night to pinch valuable birds belonging to somebody else the kettles boiling I said so it is he poured the water into the mugs and brought mine over to me then he fetched his own and sat with it at the end of my bunk your grandad he said my own dad was a magnificent and splendiferous poacher it was he who taught me all about it I caught the poaching fever from him when I was ten years old and I've never lost it since my knew in those days just about every man in our village was out in the woods at night poaching pheasants and they did it not only because they loved the sport but because they needed food for their families when I was a boy tongues were bad for a lot of people in England there was very little work to be had anywhere and some families were literally starving yet a few miles away in the rich man's wood thousands of pheasants were being fed like kings twice a day so can you blame my dad for going out occasionally and coming home with a bird or two for the family to eat no I said of course not but we're not starving here dad you've missed the point Danny Boy you've missed the whole point poaching is such a fabulous and exciting sport that once you start doing it it gets into your blood and you can't give it up just imagine he said leaping off the bunk and waving his mug in the air just imagine for a minute that you're all alone up there in the dark wood and the wood is full of keepers hiding behind the trees and the keepers have guns guns I got they don't have guns all keepers have guns Danny it's for the vermin mostly the foxes and stoats and weasels who go after the pheasants but they'll always take a pot at a poacher too if they spot him dad you're joking not at all but they only do it from behind only when you are trying to escape they like to pep you in the legs at about 50 yards they can't do that I cried they could go to prison for shooting someone you could go to prison for poaching my father said there was a glint and a sparkle in his eyes now that I had never seen before many's the night when I was a boy Danny I've gone into the kitchen and seen my old dad lying face down on the table and mum standing over him digging the gunshot pellets out of his backside with a potato knife it's not true I said starting to laugh you don't believe me yes I believe you towards the end he was so covered in tiny little white scars he looked exactly like it was snowing I don't know why I'm laughing I said it's not funny it's horrible poachers bottom they used to call it my father said and there wasn't a man in the whole village who didn't have a piece of it one way or another but my dad was the champion how's the cocoa fine thank you if you're hungry we could have a midnight feast he said could we dad of course my father got out the Brickton and the butter and cheese and started making sandwiches let me tell you about this phony pheasant shooting business he said first of all it is practiced only by the rich only the very rich can afford to rear physics just for the fun of shooting them down when they grow up these wealthy idiots spend huge sums of money every year buying baby pheasants from pheasant farms and rearing them in pens until they are big enough to be put out into the woods in the woods the young birds hang around like flocks of chickens they are guarded by keepers and fed twice a day on the best corn until they're so fat they can hardly fly then beaters are hired who walk through the woods clapping their hands and making as much noise as they can to drive the half tamed pheasants towards the half-baked men and their guns after that it's bang bang bang and down they come would you like strawberry jam on one of these yes please I said one jam and one cheese but Dad what how do you actually catch the pheasants when you're poaching do you have a gun hidden away up there a gun he cried disgusted real poachers don't shoot pheasants Danny didn't you know that you've only got to fire a cat pistol up in those woods and the keepers will be on you then how do you do it my father said and the eyelids drooped over the eyes veiled and secretive he spread strawberry jam thickly on a piece of bread taking his time these things are big secrets he said very big secrets indeed but I reckon if my father could tell them to me then maybe I can tell them to you would you like me to do that yes I said tell me now chapter five the secret methods all the best ways of poaching pheasants were discovered by my old dad my father said my old dad studied poaching the way a scientist studies science my father put sandwiches on a plate and brought them over to my bunk I put the plate on my lap and started eating I was ravenous Dino my old dad actually used to keep a flock of prime roosters in the backyard just to practice on my father said a rooster is very much like a pheasant you see they are equally stupid and they like the same sorts of food a rooster is tame that's all so whenever my dad thought up a new method of catching pheasants he tried it out on a rooster first to see if it worked what are the best ways I asked my father laid a half-eaten sandwich on the edge of the sink and gazed at me in silence for about 20 seconds promise you won't tell another soul I promise now here's the thing he said here's the first big secret ah but it's more than a secret Danny it's the most important discovery in the whole history of poaching he edged a shade closer to me his face was pale in the pale yellow glow from the lamp in the ceiling but his eyes were shining like stars so here it is he said and now suddenly his voice became soft and whispery and very private pheasants he whispered are crazy about raisins is that the big secret that's it he said it may not sound very much when I say it like that but believe me it is raisins I said just ordinary raisins it's like a mania with them you throw a few raisins into a bunch of pheasants and they'll start fighting each other to get at them my dad discovered that 40 years ago just as he discovered these other things I'm about to describe to you my father paused and glanced over his shoulder as though to make sure there was nobody at the door the caravan listening method number one he said softly is known as the Horst hare stopper the horsehair stopper I murmured that's it my father said and the reason it's such a brilliant method is that it's completely silent there's no squawking or flapping around or anything else with the horsehair stopper when the pheasant is caught and that's mighty important because don't forget Danny when you're up in those woods at night and the great trees are spreading their branches high above you like black ghosts it is so silent you can hear a mouse moving and somewhere among it all the keepers are waiting and listening they're always there those keepers standing stone is still against a tree or behind a bush with their guns at their ready what happens with the horsehair stopper I asked how does it work it's very simple he said first you take a few raisins and you soak them in water overnight to make them plump and soft and juicy then you get a bit of good stiff horsehair and you cut it up into 1/2 inch lengths horsehair I said where do you get horsehair you pull it out of a horse's tail of course that's not difficult as long as you stand to one side when you're doing it so you don't get kicked go and I said so you cut the horsehair up into half inch lengths then you push one of these lengths through the middle of the raisin so there's just a tiny bit of horsehair sticking out on each side that's all you do you are now ready to catch a pheasant if you want to catch more than one you prepare more raisins then when evening comes you creep up into the woods making sure you get there before the pheasants have gone up into the trees to roost then you scatter the raisins and soon along comes a pheasant and gobbles it up what happens then I ask here's what my dad discovered he said first of all the horse end makes the raisin stick in the pheasants throat it doesn't hurt him it simply stays there and tickles it's rather like having a crumb stuck in your own throat but after that believe it or not the pheasant never moves his feet again he becomes absolutely rooted to the spot and there he stands pumping his silly neck up and down just like a piston and all you've got to do is nip out quickly from the place where you're hiding and pick him up is that really true Dead Eye swear it my father said once a pheasants had the horsehair stopper you can turn a hose pipe on him and he won't move it's just one of those unexplainable little things but it takes a genius to discover it my father paused and there was a gleam of pride in his eyes as he dwelt for a moment upon the memory of his own dad the great poaching inventor so that's method number one he said what's number two I asked ah he said number two is a real beauty it's a flash of pure brilliance I can even remember the day it was invented I was just about the same age as you are now and it was a Sunday morning and my dad comes into the kitchen holding a huge white rooster in his hands I think I've got it he says there's a little smile on his face and a shine of glory in his eyes and he comes in very soft and quick and puts the bird down right in the middle of the kitchen table by golly he says I've got a good one this time a good what my mom say he's looking up from the sink horace take that filthy bird off my table the rooster has a funny little paper hat over its head like an ice cream cone upside down and my dad is pointing to it proudly and saying stroke him go on stroke him do anything you like to him he won't move an inch the rooster starts scratching away at the paper hat with one of its feet where the Hat seems to be stuck on and it won't come off no bird in the world is going to run away once you cover up its eyes my dad says and he starts poking the rooster with his finger and pushing it around on the table the rooster doesn't take the slightest bit of notice you can have this one he says to mom you can have it and wring its neck and dish it up for dinner as a celebration of what I have just invented and then straightaway he takes me by the arm and marches me quickly out of the door and off we go over the fields and up into the big forest the other side of little Hampton which used to belong to the Duke of Buckingham and in less than two hours we get five lovely fat pheasants with no more trouble than it takes to go out and buy them in a shop my father paused for breath his eyes were shining right as they gazed back into the wonderful world of his youth but dad I said how'd he get the paper hats over the pheasants heads you would never guess it Danny tell me listen carefully he said glancing again over his shoulder as though he expected to see a keeper or even the Duke of Buckingham itself at the caravan door is how you do it first of all you dig a little hole in the ground then you twist a piece of paper into the shape of a cone and you fit this into the hole hollow end up like a cup then you smear the inside of the paper cup with glue and you drop in a few raisins at the same time you lay a trail of raisins along the ground leading up to it now the old pheasant comes pecking along the trail and when he gets to the hole he pops his head inside to gobble up the raisins and the next thing he knows he's got a paper hat stuck over his eyes and he can't see a thing isn't that a fantastic idea Danny my dad called it the sticky hat is that the one you used this evening I asked my father nodded how many did you get dad well he said looking a bit sheepish actually I didn't get any I arrived too late by the time I got there they were already going up to roost that shows you how out of practice I am was it fun all the same marvellous he said absolutely marvelous just like the old days he undressed and put on his pajamas then he turned out the lamp in the ceiling and climbed up into his bunk dad I whispered what is it have you been doing this offer and after I've gone to sleep without me knowing it no he said tonight was the first time for nine years when your mother died and I had to look after you by myself I made a vow to give up poaching until you were old enough to be left alone at nights but this evening I broke my vow I had such a tremendous longing to go up into the woods again I just couldn't stop myself I'm very sorry I did it if you ever want to go again I won't mind I said do you mean that he said his voice rising in excitement do you mean it yes I said as long as you tell me beforehand you will promise to tell me beforehand if you're going won't you you're quite sure you won't mind quite sure good boy he said and we'll have roast pheasant for supper whenever you wanted it's miles better than chicken and one day dad will you take me with you ah he said I reckon you're just a bit young to be dodging around up there in the dark I wouldn't want you to get peppered with buckshot in the backside at your age your dad took you at my age I said there was a short silence we'll see how it goes my father said but I'd like to get back into practice before I make any promises you understand yes I said I wouldn't want to take you with me until I'm right back in my old form no I said good night Danny go to sleep now good night dad Chapter six mr. Victor Hazel the following Friday while we were having supper in the caravan my father said if it's all right with you Danny I'll be going out again tomorrow night you mean poaching yes will it be Hazel's wood again it'll always be Hazel's word he said first because that's where all the pheasants are and second because I don't like mr. hazel one little bit and it's a pleasure to poach his birds I must pause here to tell you something about mr. Victor hazel he was a brewer of beer and he owned a huge brewery he was rich beyond words and his property stretched for miles along either side of the valley all the land around us belong to him everything on both sides of the road everything except the small patch of ground on which our filling station stood the patch belonged to my father it was a little island in the middle of the vast ocean of mr. Hazel's estate mr. Victor Hazel was a roaring snob and he tried desperately to get in with what he believed were the right kind of people he hunted with the hounds and gave shooting parties and more fancy waistcoats every weekday he drove his enormous silver rolls-royce past our filling station on his way to the brewery as he flashed by we would sometimes catch a glimpse of the great glistening berry face above the wheel Pinker's ham all soft and inflamed from drinking too much beer no my father said I do not like mr. Victor hazel one little bit I haven't forgotten the way he spoke to you last year when he came in for a fill-up I hadn't forgotten it either mr. hazel had pulled up alongside the pumps in his glistening gleaming rolls-royce and had said to me fill her up and look sharp about it I was 8 years old at the time he didn't get out of the car he just handed me the key to the cap of the petrol tank and as he did so he barked out and keep your filthy little hands to yourself do you understand I didn't understand at all so I said what do you mean sir there was a leather riding crop on the seat beside him he picked it up and pointed it at me like a pistol if you make any dirty finger marks on my paintwork he said I'll step right out of this car and give you a good hiding my father was out of the workshop almost before mr. hazel had finished speaking he strode up to the window of the car and placed his hand on the sill and leaned in I don't like you speaking to my son like that he said his voice was dangerously soft mr. hazel did not look at him he sat quite still in the seat of his rolls-royce his tiny piggy eyes staring straight ahead there was a smug superior little smile around the corners of his mouth you had no reason to threaten him my father went on he had done nothing wrong mr. hazel continued to act as though my father wasn't there next time you threaten someone with a good hiding I suggest you pick on a person your own size my father said like me for instance mr. hazel still did not move now go away please my father said we do not wish to serve you he took the key from my hand and tossed it through the window the rolls-royce drove away in a fast cloud of dust the very next day an inspector from the local department of health arrived and said he had come to inspect her Caravan would you want to inspect how caravan for my father asked to see if it's a fit place for humans to live in the man said we don't allow people to live in dirty broken-down checks these days my father showed him the inside of the caravan which was spotlessly clean as always and as cozy as could be and in the end the man had to admit there was nothing wrong with it soon after that another inspector turned up and took a sample of petrol from one of our underground storage tanks my father explained to me they were checking up to see if we were mixed in some of our second grade petrol in with the first grade stuff which is an old dodge practice by crook'd filling station owners of course we were not doing this hardly a week went by without some local official dropping in to check up on one thing or another and there was little doubt my father said that the long and powerful arm of mr. hazel was reaching out behind the scenes and trying to run us off our land so all in all you can see why I gave my father a certain pleasure to poach mr. Victor Hazel's pheasants that night we put the raisins into soap the next day was poaching day and don't think my father didn't know it from the moment he got out of his bunk in the morning the excitement began to build up inside him this was a Saturday so I was home from school and we spent most of the day in the workshop decarbonizing the cylinders of mr. Pratchett's austin 7 it was a great little car built in 1933 a tiny miracle of a machine that still ran as sweetly as ever though it was now more than 40 years old my father said that these Austin sevens better known in their time as baby Austin's were the first successful mini cars ever made mr. pratchet who owned a turkey farm near Aylesbury was as proud as could be of this one and he always brought it to us for repair working together we released the valve springs and drew out the valves we unscrewed the cylinder head nuts and lifted off the head itself then we began scraping the carbon from the inside of the head and from the tops of the Pistons I want to be away by o'clock my father said then I will get to the word exactly at Twilight why at Twilight I asked because at Twilight everything inside the wood becomes veiled and shady you can see to move around but it's not easy for someone else to see you and when danger threatens you can always hide in the shadows which are darker than a wolf's mouth why don't you wait till it gets really dark I asked then you wouldn't be seen at all you wouldn't catch anything if you did that he said when night comes on all the pheasants fly up into the trees to roost pheasants are just like other birds they never sleep on the ground Twilight my father added begins about 7:30 this week and as it's at least an hour and a half's walk to the wood I must not leave here later than six o'clock are you going to use the sticky hat or will it be the horsehair stopper I asked sticky hat II said I'm very fond of sticky hat when will you be back about ten o'clock he said 10:30 at the latest I promise I'll be back by 10:30 you're quite sure you don't mind being left alone quite sure I said but you will be all right won't you dad don't you worry about me he said putting his arm around my shoulders and giving me a hug but you said there wasn't a man in your dad's village that didn't get a bit shot up by the keeper sooner or later my father said yes I did say that didn't I but in those days there were lots more keepers up in the woods then there are now there were keepers behind almost every tree how many are there now in Hazel's wood not too many he said not too many at all as the day wore on I could see my father getting more and more impatient and excited by five o'clock he had finished work on the baby Austin and together we ran her up and down the road to test her out at 5:30 we had an early supper of sausages and bacon but my father hardly ate anything at all at six o'clock precisely he kissed me goodbye and said promise not to wait up for me Danny put yourself to bed at 8:00 and go to sleep right he set off down the road and I stood on the platform of the caravan watching him go I loved the way he moved he had that long loping stride all countrymen have who are used to covering great distances on foot he was wearing an old navy blue sweater and an even older cap on his head he turned and waved to me I waved back then he disappeared round a bend in the road chapter 7 the baby Austin inside the caravan I stood on a chair and lit the oil lamp in the ceiling I had some weekend homework to do and this was as good a time as any to do it I laid my books out on the table and sat down but I found is impossible to keep my mind on my work the clock said half-past seven this was the twilight time he would be there now I pictured him in his old navy blue sweater and peaked cap walking soft-footed up the trek towards the wood he told me he wore the sweater because navy blue hardly showed up at all in the dark black was even better he said but he didn't have a black one and navy blue was next best the peaked cap was important too he explained because the peak cast a shadow over one's face just about now he would be wriggling through the hedge and entering the wood inside the wood I could see him treading carefully over the leafy ground stopping listening going on again and all the time searching and searching for the keeper who had somewhere be standing still as a post beside a big tree with a gun under his arm keepers hardly move at all when they are in a wood watching for poachers he had told me they stand dead still right up against the trunk of a tree and it's not easy to spot a motionless man in that position at Twilight when the shadows are as dark as a wolf's mouth I closed my books it was no good trying to work I decided to go to bed instead I undressed and put on my pajamas and climbed into my bunk I left the lamp burning soon I fell asleep when I open my eyes again the oil lamp was still glowing and the clock on the wall said ten minutes past two ten minutes past two I jumped out of bunk and looked into the bunk above mine it was empty he had promised he would be home by 10:30 at the latest and he never broke promises he was nearly four hours overdue at that moment a frightful sense of doom came over me something really had happened to him this time I felt quite certain of it hold it I told myself don't get panicky last week you got all panicky and you made a bit of a fool of yourself yes but last week was a different thing altogether he had made no promises to me last week this time he had said I promise I'll be back by 10:30 those were his exact words and he never absolutely never broke a promise I looked again at the clock he had left the caravan at 6:00 which meant he had been gone over eight hours it took me two seconds to decide what I should do very quickly I stripped off my pajamas and put on my shirt and my jeans perhaps the keepers had shot him up so badly he couldn't walk I'm pulled my sweater over my head it was neither navy blue nor black it was a sort of pale brown it would have to do perhaps he was lying in the wood bleeding to death my sneakers were the wrong colour too they were white but they were also dirty and that took a lot of the whiteness away how long would it take me to get to the wood an hour and a half less if I ran most of the way but not much less as I bent down to tie the laces I noticed my hands were shaking and my stomach had that awful prickly feeling as though it were full of small needles I ran down the steps of the caravan and across to the workshop to get the torch a torch is a good companion when you are alone outdoors at night and I wanted it with me I grabbed a torch and went out of the workshop I paused for a moment beside the pumps the moon had long since disappeared but the sky was clear and a great mess of stars was wheeling above my head there was no wind at all no sound of any kind tomorrow I'd going away into the blackness of the countryside lay the lonely road that led to the dangerous wood six and a half miles thank heavens I knew the way but it was going to be a long hard slog I must try to keep a good steady pace and not run myself to a standstill in the first mile at that point a wild and marvelous idea came to me why shouldn't I go in the baby Austen I really did know how to drive my father has always allowed me to move the cars around when they came in for a pair he let me drive them into the workshop and back them out again afterwards and sometimes I drove one of them slowly around the pumps in first gear I loved doing it and I would get there much quicker if I went by a car this was an emergency if he was wounded and bleeding badly then every minute counted I had never driven on the road but I would surely not meet any other cars at this time of night I would go very slowly and keep close into the hedge on the proper side I went back to the workshop and switched on the light I opened the double doors I got into the driver's seat of the baby Austin I turned on the ignition key I pulled out the choke I found the starter button and pressed it the motor coughed once then started now for the lights there was a pointed switch on the dashboard and I turned it to s for side lights only the side lights came on I felt for the clutch pedal with my toe I was just able to reach it but I had to point my toe if I wanted to press it all the way down I pressed it down then I slipped the gear lever into reverse slowly I backed the car out of the workshop I left her ticking over and went back to switch off the workshop light it was better to keep everything looking as normal as possible the filling station was in darkness now except for a dim light coming from the caravan where the little oil lamp was still burning I decided to leave that on I got back into the car I closed the door the side lights were so dim I hardly knew they were there I switched on the headlamps that was better I searched for the Dipper with my foot I found it I tried it and it worked I put the headlamps on full if I met another car I must remember to dip them although actually they weren't bright enough to dazzle a cockroach they didn't give any more light than a couple of good torches I'd press down the clutch pedal again and push the gear lever into first this was it my heart was thumping away so fiercely I could hear it in my throat ten yards away lay the main road it was as dark as doomsday I release the clutch very slowly at the same time I pressed down just a fraction of an inch on the accelerator with my right toe and stealthily Oh most wonderfully the little car began to lean forward and steal into motion I pressed the shade harder on the accelerator we crept out of the filling station onto the dark deserted road I will not pretend I wasn't petrified I was but mixed in with the awful fear was a glorious feeling of excitement most of the really exciting things we do in our lives scare us to death they wouldn't be exciting if they didn't I set very stiff are not right in my seat gripping the steering wheel tight with both hands my eyes were about level with the top of the steering wheel I could have done with a cushion to raise me up higher but it was too late for that the road seemed awfully narrow in the dark I knew there was room enough for two cars to pass each other I had seen them from the filling station doing it a million times but he didn't look that way to me from where I was at any moment something with blazing headlamps might come roaring towards me at 60 miles an hour a heavy lorry or one of those big long-distance buses that travel through the night full of passengers was I too much in the middle of the road yes I was but I didn't want to pull in closer for fear of hitting the bank if I hit the bank and bust the front axle then all would be lost and I would never get my father home the motor was beginning to rattle and shake I was still in first gear it was vital to change up into second otherwise the engine would get too hot I knew how the change was done but I had never actually tried doing it around the filling station I had always stayed in first gear well here goes I used my foot off the accelerator I pressed the clutch down and held it there I found the gear lever and pulled it straight back from first into second I released the clutch and pressed on the accelerator the little car leaped forward as though it had been stung we were in second gear what speed were we going I glanced at the speedometer it was lit up very faintly but I was able to read it it said 15 miles an hour good that was quite fast enough I would stay in second gear I started figuring out how long it would take me to do six miles traveling at fifteen miles an hour at sixty miles an hour six miles would take six minutes at thirty it would take twice as long 12 minutes at fifteen it would take twice along again 24 minutes I kept going I knew every bit of the road every curve and every little rise and drop once a fox flashed out of the hedge in front of me and ran across the road with his long bushy tail streaming out behind him I saw him clearly in the glow of my headlamps his fur was red brown and he had a white muzzle it was a thrilling sight I began to worry about the motor I knew very well it would be certain to overheat if I drove for long in either first or second gear I was in second I must now change up into third I took a deep breath and grasped the gear leaver again foot off the accelerator clutch in gear lever up and across and up again clutch out I had done it I pressed down on the accelerator the speedometer crept up to 30 I gripped the wheel very tight with both hands and stayed in the middle of the road at this rate I would soon be there Hazel's wood was not on the main road to reach it you had to turn left through a gap in the hedge and go uphill over a bumpy track for about a quarter of a mile if the ground had been wet there would have been no hope of getting there in a car but there hadn't been any rain for a week and the ground would surely be hard and dry I figured I must be getting pretty close to the turnin place now I must watch out for it carefully it would be easy to miss it there was no gate or anything else to indicate where it was it was simply a small gap in the hedge just wide enough to allow farm tractors to go through far ahead of me just below the rim of the night sky I saw a splash of yellow light I watched it trembling this was something I had been dreading all along very quickly the light got brighter and brighter and nearer and nearer and in a few seconds it took shape and became the long white beam of Headlands from a car rushing towards me my turning place must be very close now I was desperate to reach it and swing off the road before that monster reached me I pressed my foot hard down for more speed the little engine roared the speedometer needle went from 30 to 35 and then to 40 but the other car was closing fast its headlamps were like too dazzling white eyes they grew bigger and bigger and suddenly the whole road in front of me was lit up as clear as daylight and swish the thing went past me like a bullet it was so close I felt the wind of it through my open window and in that tiny fraction of a second when the two of us were alongside one another I caught a glimpse of its white painted body and I knew it was the police I didn't dare look round to see if they were stopping and coming back after me I was certain they would stop any policeman in the world would stop if he suddenly passed a small boy in a tiny car chugging along a lonely road at half past two in the morning my only thought was to get away to escape to vanish though heaven knows how I was going to do that I pressed my foot harder still on the accelerator then all at once I saw in my own dim headlamps the tiny gap in the hedge on my left-hand side there wasn't time to brake or slow down so I just yanked the wheel hard over and prayed the little car swerved violently off the road leaped through the gap hit the rising ground bounced high in the air then skidded round sideways behind the hedge and stopped the first thing I did was to switch off all my lights I am not quite sure what made me do this except that I knew I must hide and I knew that if you are hiding from someone in the dark you don't shine lights all over the place to show where you are i sat very still in my dark car the hedge was a thick one and I couldn't see through it the car had bounced and skidded sideways in such a way that it was now right off the track it was behind the hedge and in a sort of field it was facing back towards the filling station tucked in very close to the hedge I could hear the police car it had pulled up about 50 yards down the road and now it was backing and turning the road was far too narrow for it to turn around in one go then the roar from the motor got louder and he came back fast with engine revving and headlamps blazing he flashed past the place where I was hiding and raced away into the night that meant the policeman had not seen me swing off the road but he was certain to come back again looking for me and if he came back slowly enough he would probably see the gap he would stop and get out of his car he would walk through the gap and look behind the hedge and then then his torch would shine in my face and he would say what's going on Sonny what's the big idea where do you think you're going whose car is this where do you live where are your parents he would make me go with him to the police station and in the end they would get the whole story out of me and my father would be ruined i sat quiet as a mouse and waited I waited for a long time then I heard the sound of the motor coming back again in my direction it was making a terrific noise he was going flat out he whizzed past me like a rocket the way he was gunning that motor told me he was a very angry man he must have been a very puzzled man too perhaps he was thinking he had seen a ghost a ghost boy driving a ghost car I waited to see if he would come back again he didn't come I switched on my lights I pressed the starter I pressed the starter she started at once but what about the wheels and the chassis I felt sure something must have got broken when she jumped off the road and onto the kart track I put her into gear and very gently began to ease her forward I listen carefully for horrid noises there were none I managed to get her off the grass and back onto the track I drove very slowly now the track was extremely rough and rutted and the slope was pretty steep the car bounced and bumped all over the place but she kept going then at last ahead of me and over to the right looking like some gigantic black creature crouching on the crest of the hill I saw Hazel's would soon I was there immense trees rose up towards the sky all along the right hand side of the track I stopped the car I switched off the motor and the lights I got out taking the torch with me there was the usual hedge dividing the wood from the track I squeezed my way through it and suddenly I was right inside the wood when I looked up the trees had closed in above my head like a prison roof and I couldn't see the smallest patch of sky or a single star I couldn't see anything at all the darkness was so solid around me I could almost touch it dad I called out dad are you there my small high voice echoed through the forest and faded away I listened for an answer but none came chapter 8 the pit I cannot possibly describe to you what it felt like to be standing alone in the pitchy blackness of that silent wood in the small hours of the night the sense of loneliness was overwhelming the silence was as deep as death and the only sounds were the ones I made myself I tried to keep absolutely still for as long as possible to see if I could hear anything at all I listened and listened I held my breath and listened again I had a queer feeling that the whole wood was listening with me the trees and the bushes the little animals hiding in the undergrowth and the birds roosting in the branches all were listening even the silence was listening silence was listening to silence I switched on the torch a brilliant beam of light reached out ahead of me like a long white arm that was better now at any rate I could see where I was going the keepers would also see but I didn't care about the keepers anymore the only person I cared about was my father I wanted him back I kept the torch on and went deeper into the wood I shouted dad is Danny are you there I didn't know which direction I was going in I just went on walking and calling out walking and calling and each time I called I would stop and listen but no answer came after a time my voice began to go all trembling I started to say silly things like Oh dad please tell me where you are please answer me please oh please and I knew that if I wasn't careful the sheer hopelessness of it all would get the better of me and I would simply give up and lie down under the trees are you there dad are you there I shouted it's Danny I stood still listening listening listening and in the silence that followed I heard or thought I heard the faint but ho so faint sound of a human voice I froze and kept listening yes there it was again I ran towards the sound dad I shouted it's Danny where are you I stopped again and listened this time the answer came just loud enough for me to hear the words I'm he the voice called out over here it was him I was so excited my legs began to get all shaky where are you Danny my father called out I'm here dad I'm coming with the beam of the torch shining ahead of me I ran towards the voice the trees were bigger here and spaced farther apart the ground was a carpet of brown leaves from last year and was good to run on I didn't call out anymore after that I simply dashed ahead and all at once his voice was right in front of me stop Danny stop he shouted I stopped dead i shun the torch over the ground I couldn't see him where are you dead I'm down here come forward slowly but be careful don't fall in I crept forward then I saw the pit I went to the edge of it and shone the light downward and there was my father he was sitting on the floor of the pit and he looked up into the light and said hello my marvelous darling thank you for coming are you all right dad my ankle seems to be broken he said it happened when I fell in the pit had been dug in the shape of a square with each side about six feet long but it was the depth of it that was so awful it was at least 12 feet deep the sides had been cut straight down into the earth presumably with a mechanical shovel and no man could have climbed out of it without help does it hurt I asked yes he said it hurts a lot but don't worry about that the point is I've got to get out of here before morning the keepers know I'm here and they're coming back for me as soon as it gets light did they dig the hole to catch people I asked yes he said I shone my light around the top of the pit and saw how the keepers had covered it over with sticks and leaves and how the whole thing had collapsed when my father stepped on it it was the kind of trap hunters in Africa dig to catch wild animals though the keepers know who you are I asked no he said two of them came and shone a light down on me but I covered my face with my arms and they couldn't recognize me I heard them trying to guess they were guessing all sorts of names but they didn't mention mine then one of them shouted we'll find out who you are all right in the morning my lad and guess who's coming with us to fish you out I didn't answer I didn't want them to hear my voice we tell you who's coming tomorrow he said mr. Victor Hazel himself is coming with us to say hello to you and the other one said boy I hate to think what he's going to do when he gets his hands on you they both laughed and then they went away ouch my poor ankle have the keepers gone dad yes he said they've gone for the night I was kneeling on the edge of the pit I wanted so badly to go down and comfort him but that would have been madness what time is it he said shine the light down so I can see I did as he asked it's ten to three he said I must be out of here before sunrise dad I said yes I brought the car I came in the baby Austin you walk he cried I wanted to get here quickly so I just drove it out of the workshop and came straight here he sat there staring at me I kept the torch pointed to one side of him so as not to dazzle his eyes you mean you actually drove here in the baby Austin yes you're crazy he said you're absolutely plumb crazy it wasn't difficult I said you could have been killed he said if anything had hit you in that little thing you would have been smashed to smithereens it went fine dad where is it now just outside the wood on the bumpy track his face was all puckered up with pain and as white as a sheet of paper are you all right I asked yes he said I'm fine he was shivering all over though it was a warm night if we could get you out I'm sure I could help you to the car I said you could lean on me and hop on one leg I'll never get out of here without a ladder he said when I wrote do I asked a rope he said yes of course a rope would do it there's one in the baby Austin under the backseat mr. pratchet always carries a tow rope in case of a breakdown I'll get it I said wait there dad I left him and ran back the way I had come shining the torch ahead of me I found the car I lifted up the backseat the tow rope was there tangled up with the jack and the wheel brace I got it out and slung it over my shoulder I wriggled through the hedge and ran back into the wood where are you dad I called out over here he answered with his voice to guide me I had no trouble finding him this time I've got the rope I said good now tie one end of it to the nearest tree using the torch all the time I tied one end of the rope around the nearest tree I lowered the other end down to my father in the pit he grasped it with both hands and hold himself up into a standing position he stood only on his right leg he kept his left foot off the ground by bending his knee deep as he said this hurts do you think you can make it dad I've got to make it he said is the rope tied properly yes I lay on my stomach with my hands dangling down into the big I wanted to help pull him up as soon as he came with him reach I kept the torch on him all the time I've got to climb this with hands only he said you can do it I told him I saw his nut titin as he gripped the rope then he came up hand over hand and as soon as he was in reach I got hold of one of his arms and pulled for all I was worth he came over the top edge of the pit sliding on his chest and stomach him put him on the rope and me pulling on his arm he lay on the ground breathing fast and loud you've done it I said let me rest a moment I waited kneeling beside him all right he said now for the next bit give me a hand a knee you enough to do most of the work from now on I helped him to keep his balance as he got up onto his one good foot which side do you want me on I asked on my right he said otherwise you'll keep knockin against my bad ankle I moved up close to his right side and he put both his hands on my shoulders go on dad I said you can lean harder than that shine the light forward so we can see where we're going he said I did as he asked he tried a couple of hops on his right foot all right I asked him yes he said let's go holding his left foot just clear of the ground and leaning on me with both hands he began to hop forward on one leg I shuffled along beside him trying to go at exactly the speed he wanted say when you want to rest now he said we stopped I've got to sit down he said I helped him to lower himself to the ground his left foot dangled helplessly on its broken ankle and every time it touched the ground he jumped with pain i sat beside him on the brown leaves that covered the floor of the wood the sweat was pouring down his face does it hurt terribly dad it does when I hope he said each time I hop it jars it he sat on the ground resting for several minutes let's try again he said I helped him up and off we went this time I put an arm around his waist to give him extra support he put his right arm around my shoulders and leaned on me hard it went better that way but boy was he heavy my legs kept bending and buckling with each hop hop hop hop keep going he gassed come on we can make it there's the hedge I said waving the taut nearly there hop hop hop when we reached the hedge my legs gave way and we both crashed to the ground I'm sorry I said it's okay can you help me get through the hedge I'm not quite sure how he and I got through that hedge he cooled a bit and I pulled a bit and little by little we squeezed through and out the other side onto the track the tiny car was only about ten yards away we sat on the grassy bank under the hedge to get a breather is what said it was nearly four o'clock in the morning the Sun would not be up for another two hours so we had plenty of time shall I Drive I asked you'll have to he said I've only got one foot I helped him to hop over to the car and after a bit of a struggle he managed to get in his left leg was doubled up underneath his right leg and the whole thing must have been agony for him I got in the driver's seat beside him the Rope I said we left it behind forget it he said it doesn't matter I started the motor and switched on the headlamps I backed the car and turned it round and soon we were heading downhill on the bumpy track go slowly Danny my father said it hurts like crazy over the bumps he had one hand on the wheel helping to guide the car we reached the bottom of the track and turned onto the road you're doing fine he said keep going now that we were on the main road I changed into second gear revver up and go into third he said do you want me to help you I think I can do it I said I changed into third gear with my father's hand on the weird I had no fear of hitting the hedge or anything else so I pressed down hard on the accelerator the speedometer needle crept up to 40 something big with headlamps blazing came rushing towards us I'll take the wheel my father said let go of it completely he'd kept the little car closed into the side of the road as a huge milk lorry rushed past us that was the only thing we met on the way home as we approached the filling station my father said I'll have to go to hospital for this it must be set properly and then put into plaster how long will you be in hospital don't worry I'll be home before evening will you be able to walk yes they'll fix the metal thing into the plaster it sticks out underneath the foot I'll be able to walk on that should we go to the hospital now no he said I would just lie down on the floor of the workshop and wait till it's time to call doc Spencer he'll arrange everything call him now I said no I don't like waking doctors up at 4:30 in the morning we'll call him at 7:00 what will you tell him dad I mean about how it happened I'll tell him the truth my father said doc Spencer is my friend we pulled into the filling station and I parked the car right up against the workshop doors I helped my father to get out then I held him and the waist as he hop hopped the short distance into the workshop inside the workshop I leaned against the tool bench for support and told me what to do next first I spread some sheets of newspaper out over the oily floor then I ran to the caravan and fetched two blankets and a pillow I laid one blanket on the floor over the newspaper I helped my father to lie down on the blanket then I put the pillow under his head and covered him up with the second blanket put the phone down here so I can reach it he said I did as he asked can I get you anything dad what about a hot drink no thank you he said I mustn't have a thing I'm going to have an anaesthetic soon and you mustn't eat or drink anything at all before that but you have something go and make yourself some breakfast then go to bed I'd like to wait here till the doctor comes I said you must be dead tired Danny I'm all right I said I found an old wooden chair and pulled it up near him and sat down he closed his eyes and seemed to be dozing off my own eyes kept closing too I couldn't keep them open I'm sorry about the mess I made of it all I heard him saying I must have gone to sleep after that because the next thing I heard was doc Spencer's voice saying to my father well my goodness me William what on earth have you been up to I opened my eyes and saw the doctor bending down over my father who was still lying on the floor of the workshop chapter 9 doc Spencer my father once told me that Doc's been so had been looking after the people of our district for nearly 45 years he was over 70 now and could have retired long ago but he didn't want to retire and his patients didn't want him to either he was a tiny man with tiny hands and feet and a tiny round face the face was as brown and wrinkled as a shriveled apple he was some sort of an elf I used to think to myself each time I saw him a very ancient sort of an elf with wispy white hair and still rimmed spectacles a quick clever laugh with a swift eye and a flashing smile and a fast way of talking nobody feared him many people loved him and he was especially gentle with children which ankle he asked the left one my father said doc Spencer knelt on the floor and took from his bag a pair of large scissors then to my astonishment he proceeded to slit the cloth of my father's left trouser leg right up to the knee he parted the cloth and looked at the ankle but he didn't touch it I looked at it too the foot seemed to be bent round sideways and there was a huge swelling below the ankle bone that's a nasty one doc Spencer said we'd better get you into hospital right away may I use your phone he called the hospital and asked for an ambulance then he spoke to someone else about taking x-rays and doing an operation how's the pain doc Spencer asked would you like me to give you something no my father said I'll wait till I get there as you wish William but how on earth did you do it did you fall down the steps of that crazy Caravan not exactly my father said no the doctor waited for him to go on and so did I as a matter of fact he said slowly I was mooching around up in Hazel's wood he paused again and looked at the doctor who was still kneeling beside him the doctor said yes I see and what's it like up there these days plenty of pheasants stacks of them my father said it's a great game doc Spencer said sighing a little I only wish I was young enough to have another go at it he looked up and saw me staring at him you didn't know I used to do a bit of poaching myself did you Danny no I said absolutely flabbergasted many a night doc Spencer went on after evening surgery was over I used to slip out the back door and go striding over the fields to one of my secret places sometimes it was pheasants and other times it was trout plenty of big brown trout in the stream in those days he was still kneeling on the floor beside my father try not to move he said to him like white still my father closed his tired eyes then opened them again which method did you use for pheasants he asked gin and raisins dog Spencer said I used to soak the raisins in gin for a week then scatter them in the woods it doesn't work my father said I know it doesn't the doctor said but it was enormous fun one single pheasant my father said has got to eat at least 16 gin-soaked raisins before he gets tiddly enough for you to catch him my own dad proved that with roosters I believe you the doctor said that's why I never caught any but I was hot stuff with trout do you know how to catch a trout Danny without using a rod in line no I said how you tickle him tickle him yes the doctor said trout you see like to lie close into the riverbank so you go creeping along the bank until you see a big one and you come up behind him and you lie down on your tummy and then slowly very slowly you lower your hand into the water behind him and you slide it underneath him and you begin to stroke his belly up and down with the tip of one finger will he really let you do that I asked he loves it the doctor said he loves it so much he's sort of dozes off and as soon as he dozes off you quickly grab hold of him and flip him out of the water onto the bank that works my father said but only a great artist can do it I take my hat off to you sir thank you William doc Spencer said gravely he got up off his knees and crossed over to the door of the workshop and looked out to see if the ambulance was coming by the way he said over his shoulder what happened up there in the woods did you step in a rabbit hole it was a slightly bigger hole than that my father said what do you mean my father began to describe how he had fallen into the enormous pit doc Spencer spun round and stared down at my father I don't believe it he cried it's perfectly true asked Danny it was deep I said horribly deep but great heavens alive the little doctor shouted jumping up and down with fury he can't do that Victor hazel can't go digging Tiger trapped in his woods for human beings I've never heard such a disgusting monstrous thing in all my life it's rotten my father said it's worse than that William it's diabolical do you know what this means it means that decent folk like you and me can't even go out and have a little fun at night without risking a broken leg or arm we might even break our necks my father nodded I never did like that Victor hazel doc Spencer said I saw him do a filthy thing once what my father asked he had an appointment with me at the surgery he needed an injection of some sort I forgotten what anyway just by chance I was looking out of the window as he drove up to my door in his whacking great Rolls Royce I saw him get out and I also saw my old dog Bertie dozing on the doorstep and do you know what that loathsome Victor Hazel did instead of stepping over old Bertie he actually kicked him out of the way with his riding boot he didn't my father said oh yes he did what did you do I left him sitting in the waiting room while I picked out the oldest bluntest needle I could find then I rubbed the point of it on a nail file to make it blunt estill by the time I'd got through with it it was blunter than a ballpoint pen then I called him in and told him to lower his pants and bend over and when I rammed that needle into his fleshy backside he screamed like a stuck hooray my father said he's never been back since doc Spencer said for which I am truly thankful ah here's the ambulance the ambulance drew up near the workshop door and two men in uniform got out bring me a leg splint the doctor said one of the men fetched a sort of thin wooden plank from the ambulance doc Spencer knelt down once more beside my father and eased the plank very gently underneath my father's left leg then he strapped the leg firmly to the plank the ambulance men brought in his stretcher and placed it on the ground my father got onto it by himself I was still sitting on my chair doc Spencer came over to me and put her hand on my shoulder I think you had better come home with me young man he said you can stay with us until your father's back from hospital won't he be home today I asked yes my father said I'll be back this evening I'd rather you stayed in for the night doc Spencer said I shall come home this evening my father said thank you for offering to take Dani but it won't be necessary he'll be all right here until I get back I reckon he'll sleep most of the day anyway won't you my love I think so I said just close up the filling station and go to bed right yes but come back soon won't you dad they carried him into the ambulance on the stretcher and closed the doors I stood outside the workshop with doc Spencer and what the big white thing drive out of the filling station do you need any help doc Spencer said I'm fine thank you go to bed then and get a good sleep yes I will call me if you need anything yes the marvelous little doctor got into his car and drove away down the road in the same direction as the ambulance chapter 10 the great shooting party as soon as the doctor had driven away from the filling station I went into the office and got out the sign that said sorry closed I hung it on one of the pumps then I headed straight for the caravan I was too tired to undress I didn't even take off my dirty old sneakers I just flopped down on the bunk went to sleep the time was 5 minutes past 8 in the morning more than 10 hours later had 6:30 in the evening I was woken up by the ambulance men bringing my father back from the hospital they carried him into the caravan and laid him on the lower bunk hello dad I said hello Danny how are you feeling a bit woozy he said and he dozed off almost immediately as the ambulance men drove away doc Spencer arrived and went into the caravan to take a look at the patient he'll sleep until tomorrow morning he said then he'll wake up feeling fine I followed the doctor out to his car I'm awfully glad he's home I said the doctor opened the car door but he didn't get in he looked at me very sternly and said when did you last have something to eat Danny something to eat I said oh well I had suddenly I realized how long it had been I hadn't eaten anything since I had had supper with my father the night before that was nearly 24 hours ago doc Spencer reached into the car and came out with something huge and round wrapped up in greaseproof paper my wife asked me to every dis he said I think you'll like it she's a terrific cook he pushed the package towards me then he jumped into the car and drove quickly away I stood there clasping the big round thing tightly in my hands I watched the doctors car as it went down the road and disappeared round the curve and after it had gone I still stood there watching the empty road after a while I turned and walked back up the steps into the caravan with my precious parcel I placed it in the center of the table but I didn't unwrap it my father lay on the bunk in a deep sleep he was wearing Hospital bajamas they had brown and blue stripes I went over and gently pulled back the blanket to see what they had done to him hard white plaster covered the lower part of his leg and the whole of his foot except for the toes there was a funny little iron thing sticking out below his foot presumably for him to walk on I put him up again and return to the table very carefully I now began to unwrap the greaseproof paper from around the doctor's prison and when I had finished I saw before me the most enormous and beautiful pie in the world it was covered all over top sides in bottom with a rich golden pastry I took a knife from beside the sink and cut out a wedge I started to eat it in my fingers standing up it was a cold meat pie the meat was pink and tender with no fat or gristle in it and there were hard boiled eggs buried like treasures in several different places the taste was absolutely fabulous when I had finished the first slice I cut another and ate that too god bless dr. Spencer I thought and God bless mrs. Spencer as well the next morning on Monday my father was up at 6 o'clock I feel great he said he started hobbling around the caravan to test his leg it hardly hurts at all he cried I can walk you to school no I said no I've never missed one yet Dani it's two miles each way I said don't do it dad please so that day I went to school alone but he insisted on coming with me the next day I couldn't stop him he put a woolen sock over his plaster foot to keep his toes warm and there was a hole in the underneath of the sock so that the metal thing could poke through he walked a bit stiff legged but he moved as fast as ever and the metal thing went clink on the road each time he put it down and so life at the filling station returned to normal or anyway nearly to normal I say nearly because things were definitely not quite the same as they had been before the difference lay in my father a change had come over him it wasn't a big change but it was enough to make me certain that something was worrying him quite a lot he would brood a good deal and there would be silences between us especially at supper time now and again I would see him standing alone and very still out in the front of the filling station gazing up the road in the direction of easels many times I wanted to ask him what the trouble was and had I done so I'm sure he would have told me at once in any event I know that sooner or later I would hear all about it I hadn't long to wait about ten days after his return from hospital the two of us were sitting out on the platform of the caravan watching the Sun go down behind the big trees on the top of the hill across the valley we had had our supper but it wasn't my bedtime yet the September evening was warm and beautiful and very still you want to know what makes me so hopping mad he said to me all of a sudden I'll get up in the mornings feeling pretty good then about nine o'clock every single day of the week that huge silver Rolls Royce comes swishing past the filling station and I see the great big bloated face of mr. Victor Hazel behind the wheel I always see it I can't help it and as he passes by he always turns his head in my direction and looks at me but it's the way he looks at me that is so infuriating there is a sneer under his nose and a smug little smirk around his mouth and although I only see him for three seconds it makes me madder than macro what's more I stay mad for the rest of the day I don't blame you I said a silence fell between us I waited to see what was coming next I'll tell you something interesting he said at last the shooting season for pheasant starts on Saturday did you know that no dad I didn't it always starts on the 1st of October he said and every year mr. hazel celebrates the occasion by giving a Grand Opening Day shooting party I wondered what this had to do with my father being mad at than a mackerel but I knew for certain there would be a connection somewhere it's a very famous event any that shooting party of mr. Hazel's the lots of people come I asked hundreds he said they come from miles around Dukes and Lords barons and baronet's wealthy businessmen and all of the fancy folk in the county they come with their guns and their dogs and their wives and all day long the noise of shooting row was across the valley but they don't come because they like mr. hazel secretly they all despise him they think he's a nasty piece of work then why do they come dad because it's the best pheasant shoot in the South of England that's why they come but to Mister hazel it is the greatest day in the year and he is willing to pay almost anything to make it a success he spends a fortune on those pheasants each summer he bides hundreds of young birds from the pheasant farm and puts them in the wood where the keepers feed them and guard them and fatten them up ready for the great day to arrive do you know Danny that the cost of rearing and keeping one single pheasant up to the time when it's ready to be shot is equal to the price of 100 loaves of bread it's not true I swear it my father said but to mr. hazel it's worth every penny of it and do you know why it makes him feel important for one day in the year he becomes a big cheese in a little world and even the Duke of so-and-so slaps him on the back and tries to remember his first name when he says goodbye my father reached out a hand and scratched the hard plaster just below his left knee it itches he said the skin itch is underneath the plaster so I scratched the plaster and pretend I'm scratching the skin does that help no he said it doesn't help but listen Danny yes dad I want to tell you something he started scratching away again at the plaster on his leg I waited for him to go on I want to tell you what I would dearly love to do right now here it comes I thought here comes something big and crazy I could tell something big and crazy was coming simply from watching his face it's a deadly secret Danny he paused and looked carefully all around him and although there was probably not a living person within two miles of us at that moment he now leaned close to me and lowered his voice to a soft whisper I would like he whispered to find a way of poaching so many pheasants from azores wood that there wouldn't be any left for the big opening day shoot on October the first dad I cried no she said listen if only I could find a way of knocking off a couple of hundred birds all in one go then mr. Hazel's party would be the biggest washout in history 200 I said that's impossible just imagine Danny he went on what a triumph what a glorious victory that would be all the Dukes and lords and famous men would arrive in their big cars and mr. hazel would strut about like a peacock welcoming them and saying things like plenty of birds out there for you this year Lord thistle wait and ah my dear sir Godfrey this is a great season for pheasants a very great season indeed and there now they would all go with their guns under their arms and they would take up their positions surrounding the famous wood and inside the word a whole army of hired beaters would start shouting and yelling and bashing away and the undergrowth to drive the pheasants out of the wood towards the waiting guns and lo and behold there wouldn't be a single pheasant to be found anywhere and mr. Victor Hazel's face would be redder than a boiled beef root now wouldn't that be the most fantastic marvelous thing if we could pull it off Danny my father had got himself so worked up that he rose to his feet and hobbled down the caravan steps and started pacing back and forth in front of me wouldn't it though he shouted wouldn't it be terrific yes I said but how he cried how could it be done there's no way dead it's hard enough getting just two birds up in those woods let alone 200 I know that my father said it's the keepers that make it so difficult how many are there I ask keepers three and they're always around do they stay right through the night no not through the night my father said they go off home as soon as all the pheasants are safely up in the trees roosting but nobody's ever discovered a way of poaching a roosting pheasant not even my own dad who was the greatest expert in the world it's about your bedtime he handed off you go and I'll come in and tell you a story chapter 11 the Sleeping Beauty five minutes later I was lying on my bunk in my pajamas my father came in and litleo your lamp hanging from the ceiling it was getting dark earlier now all right he said what sort of story shall we have tonight dad I said wait a minute what is it can I ask you something I've just had a bit of an idea go on he said you know that bottle of sleeping pills doc Spencer gave you when you came back from hospital I never used them don't like the things yes but is there any reason why those wouldn't work on a pheasant my father shook his head sadly from side to side wait I said it's no use Danny no pheasant in the world is going to swallow those lousy red capsules surely you know that you'll forget in the raisins dead the raisins what's that got to do with it now listen I said please listen we take a raisin we soak it till it swells then we make a tiny slit in one side with a razor blade then we hollow it out a little then we open up one of your red capsules and pour all the powder into the raisin then we get a needle and thread and very carefully we sew up the slit out of the corner of my eye I saw my father's mouth slowly beginning to open now I said we have a nice clean-looking raisin chock full of sleeping pill powder and that ought to be enough to put any pheasant to sleep don't you think so my father was staring at me with a look of such wonder in his eyes he might have been seeing a vision oh my darling boy he said softly Oh My sainted aunt I do believe you've got it yes I do I do I do he was suddenly so choked up with excitement that for a few seconds he couldn't say any more he came and sat on the edge of my bunk and there he stayed nodding his head very slowly up and down you really think it would work I asked him yes he said quietly it'll work all right with this method we could prepare 200 raisins and all we'd have to do is scatter them round the feeding grounds at sunset and then walk away half an hour later after it was dark and the keepers are all gone home we would go back into the wood and the pheasants would be up in the trees by then roosting and the piers would be beginning to work and the pheasants would be starting to fill groggy they'd be wobbling and trying to keep their balance and soon every pheasant that had eaten one single raisin would topple over unconscious and fall to the ground waha they'd be dropping out of the trees like apples and all we'd have to do is walk around picking them up can I do it with you dad and they'd never catch us either my father said not hearing me we'd simply stroll through the woods dropping a few raisins here and there as we went and even if they were watching us they wouldn't notice anything dad I said raising my voice you will let me come with you Danny my love he said laying a hand on my knee and gazing at me with eyes large and bright as two stars if this thing works it will revolutionize poaching yes dad but can I come with you come with me he said floating out of his dream at last but my dear boy of course you can come with me it's your idea you must be there to see it happening now then he cried bouncing up off the bed where are those pills the small bottle of red capsules was standing beside the sink it had been there ever since my father returned from hospital he fetched it and unscrewed the top and poured the capsules onto my blanket let's count them he said we counted them together there are exactly 50 that's not enough he said we need 200 at least then he cried out wait hold it there's no problem he began carefully putting the capsules back into the bottle and as he did so he said all we've got to do Danny is divide the powder from one capsule among four raisins in other words quarter the dose that way we would have enough to fill 200 raisins but would a quarter of one of those pills be strong enough to put a pheasant to sleep of course it would my dear boy work it out for yourself how much smaller is a pheasant than a man many many times smaller there you are then if one pill is enough to put a fully grown man to sleep you'll only need a tiny bit of that for a pheasant what we're giving him will knock the old pheasant for a loop he won't know what's hit him but Dad 200 raisins aren't going to get you 200 physics why not because the greediest birds are surely going to gobble up about ten raisins each you've got a point there my father said you certainly have but somehow I don't think it will happen that way not if I'm very careful and spread them out over a wide area don't worry about it Danny I'm sure I can work it and you promise I can come with you absolutely he said and we shall call this method the Sleeping Beauty it would be a landmark in the history of poaching i sat very still in my bunk watching my father as he put each capsule back into the bottle I could hardly believe what was happening that we were really going to do it that he and I alone were going to try to swipe practically the entire flock of mr. Victor Hazel's prized pheasants just thinking about it send little shivers of electricity running all over my skin exciting isn't it my father said I don't dare think about it dad it makes me shiver all over me too he said but we must keep very calm from now on we must make our plans very very carefully today is Wednesday the shooting party is next Saturday cripes I said that's in three days time when do you and I got to the word and do the job the night before my father said on the Friday in that way they won't discover that all the pheasants have disappeared until it's too late and the party has begun Friday's the day after tomorrow my goodness dad we'll have to hurry if we're going to get 200 raisins ready before then my father stood up and began pacing the floor of the caravan here's the plan of action he said listen carefully tomorrow is Thursday when I walk you to school I shall go into Cooper's stores in the village and buy two packets of seedless raisins and in the evening we will put the raisins in to soak for the night but that only gives us Friday to get ready 200 raisins I said each one will have to be cut open and filled with powder and sewed up again and I'll be at school all day no you won't my father said you'll be suffering from a very nasty cold on Friday and I shall be forced to keep you home from school hooray I said we were not open the filling station at all on Friday he went on instead we will shut ourselves in here and prepare the raisins will easily get them done between us in one day and that evening off we'll go up the road towards the wood and do the job is that all clear he was like a general announcing the plan of battle to his staff all clear I said and Danny not a whisper of this to any of your friends at school dad you know I wouldn't he kissed me goodnight and turned the oil lamp down low but it was a long time before I went to sleep chapter 12 Thursday and school the next day was Thursday and before we set out for the walk to my school that morning I went around behind the caravan and picked two apples from our tree one for my father and one for me it is a most marvellous thing to be able to go out and help yourself to your own apples whenever you feel like it you can do this only in the autumn of course when the fruit is ripe but all the same how many families are so lucky not one in a thousand I would guess our apples were called Cox's orange Pippins and I like the sound of the name almost as much as I like the apples at eight o'clock we started walking down the road towards my school in the pale autumn sunshine munching our apples as we strode along clink when my father's eye and foot each time he put it down on the hard road clink clink clink have he brought money to buy the raisins I asked he put a hand in his trouser pocket and made the coins jingle will Cooper's be open so early yes he said they open at 8:30 I really love those morning walks to school with my father we talked practically the whole time most of it was he who talked and I who listened and just about everything he said was fascinating he was a true countryman the fields the streams the woods and all the creatures who lived in these places were a part of his life although he was a mechanic by trade and a very fine one I believe he could have become a great naturalist if only he had had a good schooling long ago he had told me the names of all the trees and the wildflowers and the different grasses that grow in the fields all the birds too I could name not only by sighting them but by listening to their cause and their songs in springtime we would hunt for bird's nest along the way and when we found one he would lift me up onto his shoulders so I could peer into it and see the eggs but I was never allowed to touch them my father told me a nest with eggs in it was one of the most beautiful things in the world I thought so too the nest of a song thrush for instance lined inside with dry mud as smooth as polished wood and with five eggs of the purest blue speckled with black dots and the Skylark whose nest we once found right in the middle of a field in a grassy clump on the ground it was hardly a nest at all just a little hollow place in the grass and in it were six small eggs deep brown and white why does the sky lock make its nest on the ground where the cows can trample it I asked nobody knows why my father said but they always do it nightingales nest on the ground too so de pheasants and partridges and grouse on one of our walks a weasel fleshed out of the hedge in front of us and in the next few minutes I learned a lot of things about that marvelous little creature the bit I liked best was when my father said the weasel is the bravest of all animals the mother will fight to the death to defend her own children she will never run away not even from a fox which is 100 times bigger than her she will stay beside her nest and fight the Fox until she is killed another time when I just listen to that grasshopper dad he said no that's not a grasshopper my love it's a cricket and did you know that crickets have their ears in their legs it's not true it's absolutely true and grasshoppers have theirs in the size of their tummies they are lucky to be able to hear at all because nearly all the vast hordes of insects on this earth are deaf as well as dumb and live in a silent world on this Thursday on this particular walk to school there was an old frog croaking in the stream behind the hedge as we went by can you hear him Danny yes I said that is a bullfrog calling to his wife he does it by blowing out his dewlap and letting it go with a burp what is a dewlap I asked it's the loose skin on his throat he can blow it up just like a little balloon what happens when his wife hears him she goes hopping over to him she is very happy to have been invited but I'll tell you something very funny about the old bullfrog he often becomes so pleased with the sound of his own voice that his wife has to nudge him several times before he'll stop his burping and turn around to hug her that made me laugh don't laugh too loud he said twinkling at me with his eyes we men are not so very different from the bullfrog we parted at the school gates and my father went off to buy the raisins other children were streaming in through the gates and heading up the path to the front door of the school I joined them but kept silent I was the keeper of a deep secret and a careless word for me could blow the lid off the greatest poaching expedition the world would ever see ours was just a small village school a squat ugly red brick building with no upstairs rooms at all above the front door was a big grey block of stone cemented into the brickwork and on the stone it said this school was erected in 1902 to commemorate the coronation of His Royal Highness King Edward the seventh I must have read that thing a thousand times every time I went in the door it hit me in the eye I suppose that's what it was there for but it's pretty boring to read the same old words over and over again and and thought how nice it would be if they put something different up there every day something really interesting my father would have done it for them beautifully he could have written it with a bit of chalk on the smooth gray stone in each morning it would have been something new he would have said things like did you know that the little yellow clover butterfly often carries his wife around on his back another time he might have said the guppy has funny habits when he falls in love with another Gabby he bites her on the bottom and another time did you know that the death's-head moth can squeak and then again birds have almost no sense of smell but they have good eyesight and they love red colors the flowers they like are red and yellow but never blue and perhaps another time he would get out his chalk and write some bees have tongues which they can unroll until they are nearly twice as long as the bee itself this is to allow them to gather nectar from flowers that have very long narrow openings or he might have written I'll bet you didn't know that in some big English country houses the butler still has to eye in the morning newspaper before putting it on his masters breakfast table there are about 60 boys and girls in our school and their ages went from 5 to 11 we had four classrooms and four teachers miss Birds I taught the kindergarten the five-year-olds and six-year-olds and she was a really nice person she used to keep a bag of aniseed balls in the drawer of the desk and anyone who did good work would be given one annecy ball to suck right there and then during the lesson the trick with aniseed balls is never to bite them if you keep rolling them round your mouth they will dissolve slowly of their own accord and then right in the very center you will find a tiny little brown seed this is the Anna seed itself and when you crush it between your teeth it has a fabulous taste my father told me that dogs go crazy about it when there aren't any foxes around the Huntsman will drag a bag of any seed for miles and miles over the countryside and the fox hounds will follow the scent because they love it so this is known as a drag hunt the seven and eight-year-olds were taught by mr. Corrado and he was also a decent person he was a very old teacher probably sixty or more but that didn't seem to stop him being in love with Miss Birdseye we knew he was in love with her because he always gave her the best bits of meat at lunch when it was his turn to do the serving and when she smiled at him he would smile back at her in the so pious way you can imagine showing all his front teeth top and bottom and most of the others as well a teacher called captain Lancaster took the nine and ten-year-olds and this year that included me captain Lancaster known sometimes as Lanka's was a horrid man he had fiery carrot colored hair and a little clipped carroty moustache and a fiery temper carroty colored hairs were also sprouting out of his nostrils and his ear holes he had been a captain in the army during the war against Hitler and that was why he still called himself captain Lancaster instead of plane mister my father said it was an idiotic thing to do there were millions of people still alive he said who had fought in that war but most of them wanted to forget the whole beastly thing especially those crummy military titles captain Lancaster was a violent man and we were all terrified of him he used to sit at his desk stroke in his carroty mustache and watching us with pale watery blue eyes searching for trouble and as he sat there he would make queer snuffling grunts through his nose like some dog sniffing around the rabbit hole mr. snotty our headmaster took the top form the eleven-year-olds and everybody liked him he was a small round man with a huge scarlet nose I felt sorry for him having a nose like that it was so big and inflamed it looked as though it might explode at any moment and blow him up a funny thing about mr. snotty was that he always brought a glass of water with him into class and this he kept sitting right through the lesson at least everyone thought it was a glass of water everyone that is except me and my best friend Sydney Morgan we knew differently and this is how we found out my father looked at mr. snow DS car and I always took his repair bills with me to school to save postage one day during break I went to mr. snow DS study to give him a bill and Sidney Morgan came along with me he didn't come for any special reason we just happened to be together at the time and as we went in we saw mr. snotty stand-in by his desk refilling his famous glass of water from a bottle labeled Gordon's gin he jumped Tamar when he saw us you should have knocked he said sliding the bottle behind a pile of books I'm sorry sir I said I brought my father's bill ah he said yes very well and what do you want Sidney nothing sir Sidney Morgan said nothing at all off you go then both of you mr. snotty said keeping his hand on the bottle behind the books run along outside in the corridor we made a pact that we wouldn't tell any of the other children about what we had seen mr. sonoda had always been kind to us and we wanted to repay him by keeping his deep dark secret to ourselves the only person I told was my father and when he heard it he said I don't blame him one bit if I was unlucky enough to be married to mrs. snotty I would drink something a bit stronger than gin what would you drink Dad poison he said she's a frightful woman why is she frightful I asked she's a sort of wit she said and to prove it she has seven toes on each foot how do you know that I asked doc Spencer told me my father answered and then to change the subject he said why don't you ever ask Sidney Morgan over here to play ever since I started going to school my father had tried to encourage me to bring my friends back to the filling station for tea or supper and every year about a week before my birthday he would say let's have a party this time Danny we can write out invitations and I'll go into the village and buy chocolate eclairs and doughnuts and a huge birthday cake with candles on it but I always said no to these suggestions and I never invited any other children to come to my home after school or at weekends that wasn't because I didn't have good friends I had lots of them some of them were super friends especially Sydney Morgan perhaps if I had lived in the same street as some of them instead of way out in the country things would have been different but then again perhaps they wouldn't you see the real reason I didn't want anyone else to come back and play with me was because I had such a good time being alone with my father by the way something horrible happened on that Thursday morning after my father had left me at the school gate and gone off to buy the raisins we were having our first lesson of the day with captain Lancaster and he had set as a whole bunch of multiplication sums to work out in our exercise books I was sitting next to Sydney Morgan in the back row and we were both slogging away captain Lancaster sat up front at his desk gazing suspiciously round the class with his watery blue eyes and even from the back row I could hear him snorting and snuffling through his nose like a dog outside a rabbit hole Sydney Morgan covered his mouth with his hand and whispered very softly to me what are eight nines seventy-two I whispered back captain Lancaster's finger shot out like a bullet and pointed straight at my face you he shouted stand up me sir I said yes you you blithering little idiot I stood up you were talking he barked what were you saying he was shouting at me as though I was a platoon of soldiers on the parade ground come on boy out with it I stood still and said nothing are you refusing to answer me he shouted please sir Sydney said it was my fault I asked him a question oh you did did you stand up Sydney stood up beside me and what exactly did you ask him captain Lancaster said speaking more quietly now and far more dangerously I asked him what are eight nine Sydney said and I suppose you answered him captain Lancaster said point at me again he never called any of us by our names it was always you or boy or girl or something like that did you answer him or didn't you speak up boy yes sir I said so you were cheating he said both of you were cheating we kept silent cheating is a repulsive habit practiced by guttersnipes and dandy Prats he said from where I was standing I could see the whole class sitting absolutely rigid watching captain Lancaster nobody dared move you may be permitted to cheat and lie and swindle in your own homes he went on but I will not put up with it here at this point a sort of blind fury took hold of me and I shouted back at him I am NOT a cheat there was a fearful silence in the room captain Lancaster raised his chin and fixed me with his watery eyes you are not only a cheat but you are insolent he said quietly you are a very insolent boy come up here both of you come up here as I stepped out from my desk and began walking up towards the front of the class I knew exactly what was going to happen I had seen it happen to others many times to both boys and girls but up until now it had never happened to me each time I had seen it it had made me feel quite sit inside captain Lancaster was standing up and crossing over to the tall bookcase that stood against the left-hand wall of the classroom he reached up to the topmost shelf of the bookcase and brought down the dreaded cane it was white this cane as white as bone and very long and very thin with one end bent over into a handle like a walking stick you first he said pointing at me with the cane hold out your left hand it was almost impossible to believe that this man was about to injure me physically and in cold blood as I lifted my left hand palm upwards and held it there I looked at the palm itself and the pink skin and the fortune-tellers lines running over it and I still could not bring myself to imagine that anything was going to happen to it the long white cane went up high in the and came down on my hand with a crack like a rifle going off I heard the crack first and about two seconds later I felt the pain never had I felt a pain such as that in my whole life It was as though someone were pressing a red-hot poker against my palm and holding it there I remember grabbing my injured left hand with my right hand and ramming it between my legs and squeezing my legs together against it I squeezed and squeezed as hard as I could as if I were trying to stop the hand from falling to pieces I managed not to cry out loud but I couldn't keep the tears from pouring down my cheeks from somewhere nearby I heard another fearful swish crack and I knew that poor Sidney had just got it as well but oh that fearful searing burning pain across my hand why didn't it go away I glanced at Sidney he was doing just the same as me squeezing his hand between his legs and making the most awful faced go and sit down both of you captain Lancaster ordered we stumbled back to our desks and sat down now get on with your work the dreaded voice said and let us have no more cheating no more insolence either the class bent their heads over their books like people in church saying their prayers I looked at my hand there was a long ugly mark about half an inch wide running right across the palm just where the fingers joined the hand it was raised up in the middle and the raised part was pure white with red on both sides I moved the fingers they moved all right but it hurt to move them I looked at Sidney he gave me a quick apologetic glance under his eyelids then went back to his sons when I got home from school that afternoon my father was in the workshop I bought the raisins he said we will now put them into soap fetch me a bowl of water Danny I went over to the caravan and got a bowl and half filled it with water I carried it to the workshop and put it on the bench open up the packets and tipped them all in my father said this was one of the really nice things about my father he didn't take over and want to do everything himself whether it was a difficult job like adjusting a carburetor in a big engine or whether it was simply tipping some raisins into a basin he always let me go ahead and do it myself while he watched and stood ready to help he was watching me now as I opened the first packet of raisins Hey he cried grabbing my left wrist what's happened to your hand it's nothing I said clenching the fists he made me open it up the long Scarlet mark lay across my palm like a burn who did it he shouted was it kept in Lancaster yes dad but it's nothing what happened he was gripping my wrist so hard it almost hurt tell me exactly what happened I told him everything he stood there holding my wrist his face growing wider and whiter and I could see the fury beginning to boil up dangerously inside him I'll kill him he softly whispered when I had finished I swear I'll kill him his eyes were blazing and all the colour had gone from his face I had never seen him look like that before forget it dad I will not forget it he said you did nothing wrong and he had absolutely no right to do this to you so he called you a cheat did he I nodded he had taken his jacket from the peg on the war and was putting it on where are you going I asked I'm going straight to captain Lancaster's house and I'm going to beat the daylights out of him no I cried catching hold of his arm don't do it dad please it won't do any good please don't do it I've got to he said no I cried tugging at his arm it'll ruin everything it'll only make it worse please forget it he hesitated then I held onto his arm he was silent and I could see the rush of anger slowly draining out of his face it's revolting he said I'll bet they did it to you when you were at school I said of course they did and I'll bet your dad didn't go rushing off to beat the daylights out of the teacher who did it he looked at me but kept quiet he didn't did he dead no Danny he didn't he answered softly I let go of his arm and helped him off with his jacket and hung it back on the pig I'm going to put the raisin now I said and don't forget that tomorrow I have a nasty cold and I won't be going to school yes he said that's right we've got 200 raisins to fill I said he said so we have I hope we'll get them done in time I said does it still hurt he asked that hand no I said not one bit I think I satisfied him and although I saw him glance and occasionally at my palm during the rest of the afternoon and evening he never mentioned the subject again that night he didn't tell me a story he sat on the edge of my bunk and we talked about what was going to happen the next day up in Hazel's wood he got me so steamed up and excited about it I couldn't get to sleep I think he must have got himself steamed up almost as much because after he had undressed and climbed into his own bunk I heard him twisting and turning all over the place he couldn't get to sleep either at about 10:30 he climbed out of his bunk and put the kettle on what's the matter dad nothing he said shall we have a midnight feast yes let's do that he lit the lamp in the ceiling and opened a tin of tuna and made a delicious sandwich for each of us also hot chocolate for me and tea for him then we started talking about the pheasants and about Hazel's wood all over again it was pretty late before we got to sleep chapter 13 Friday when my father woke me at 6 o'clock next morning I know at once that this was the day of days it was the day I longed for and the day I dreaded it was also the day of butterflies in the stomach except that they were worse than butterflies they were snakes I had snakes in the stomach the moment I opened my eyes on that Friday morning the first thing I did after I had got dressed was to hang the sari close noticed on one of the pumps we had a quick breakfast then two of us sat down together at the table in the caravan to prepare the raisins they were plump and soft and swollen from being soaked in water and when you nicked them with a razor blade the skin sprang open and the jelly stuff inside squeezed out as easily as you could wish I slipped the raisins while my father opened the capsules he opened only one at a time and poured the white powder onto a piece of paper then he divided it into four tiny powers with the blade of a knife each pile was carefully scooped up and put into a single raisin a needle and black cotton finished the job the sewing up was the hardest part and my father did most of that it took about two minutes to do one raisin from start to finish I enjoyed it it was fun your mother was wonderful at so in things my father said she had have had these raisins done in no time I didn't say anything I never knew quite what to say when he talked about my mother did you know she used to make all my clothes herself Danny everything I wore even socks and sweaters I asked yes he said but those were knitted and so quickly when she was knitting the needles flew so fast in her fingers you couldn't see them they were just a blur I would sit here in the evening watching her and she used to talk about the children she was going to have I shall have three children she used to say a boy for you a girl for me and one for good measure there was a short silence after that then I said when mum was here dad did you go out very often at night or was it only now and then you mean poaching yes often he said at least twice a week didn't she mind mind of course she didn't mind she came with me she didn't she certainly did she came with me every single time until just before you were born she had to stop then she said she couldn't run fast enough I thought about this extraordinary piece of news for a little while then I said was the only reason she went because she loved you dad and because she wanted to be with you or did she go because she loved poaching both my father said she did it for both the reason you mentioned I was beginning to realize what an immense sorrow it must have been to him when she died weren't you afraid she might get top I asked yes Danny I was but it was marvelous to have her along she was a great sport your mother by midday we had prepared 136 raisins we're in good shape my father said let's break for lunch he opened a tin of baked beans and heated them up in a saucepan over the paraffin burner I cut two slices of brown bread and put them on plates my father spooned the hot baked beans over the bread and we carried our plates outside and sat down with our legs dangling over the platform of the caravan usually I loved baked beans on bread but today I couldn't eat a thing what's the matter my father asked I'm not hungry don't worry he said the same thing happened to me the first time I went out I was about your age then maybe a little older and in those days we always had a hot tea in the kitchen at 5 o'clock I can remember exactly what was on the table that evening it was my favorite thing of all toad-in-the-hole and my mom could make toad-in-the-hole like nobody else in the world she did it in an enormous pan with the Yorkshire pudding very Brown and crisp on top and raised up in huge bubbly mountains in between the mountains you could see the sausages half buried in the batter fantastic it was but on that day my stomach was so jumpy I couldn't eat one mouthful I expect yours feels like that now mine's full of snakes I said they won't stop wiggling about mine doesn't feel exactly normal either my father said but then this isn't a normal operation is it no dad it's not do you know what this is Danny this is the most colossal and extraordinary poaching job anyone has ever been on in the history of the world don't go on about it dad it only makes me more jumpy what time do we leave here I've worked that out he said we must enter the word about 15 minutes before sunset if we arrive after sunset all the pheasants will have flown up to roost and it will be too late when his sunset I asked right now it's about 7:30 he said so he must arrive at 7:15 exactly it's an hour and a laughs walk to the wood so he must leave here at quarter to six then we'd better finish those raisins I said we've still got more than 60 to do we finished the raisins with about two hours to spare they lay in a pile on a white plate in the middle of the table don't they look marvelous my father said rubbing his hands together hard those pheasants are going to absolutely love them after that we messed around in the workshop until half-past five then my father said that's it it's time to get ready we leave in 15 minutes as we walk towards the caravan a station wagon pulled up to the pumps with a woman at the wheel and about eight children in the back all eaten ice creams oh I know you're closed the woman called out through her window but couldn't you please let me have a few gallons I'm just about empty she was a good-looking woman with dark hair give it to her my father said but be quick I fetched the key from the office and unlocked one of the pumps I filled up her tank and took the money and gave her the change you don't usually close as early as this she said we have to go out I told her hopping from one foot to the other I have to go somewhere with my father you look jumpy as a jackrabbit she said is it the dentist no mom I said it's not dentist but please excuse me I have to go now chapter 14 into the wood my father came out of the caravan we're in the old navy blue sweater in the brown cloth cap with the pink pulled down low over his eyes what's under there dad I asked seeing the bulge at his waistline he pulled up his sweater and showed me two thin but very large white cotton sex they were bound neat and tidy round his belly to carry the stuff he said darkly AHA go and put on your sweater he said it's brown isn't it yes I said that'll do but take off those white sneakers and wear your black shoes instead I went into the caravan and changed my shoes and put on my sweater when I came out again my father was standing by the pumps squinting anxiously up at the Sun which now only the width of a man's hand above the line of trees along the crest of the ridge on the far side of the valley I'm ready dad good boy off we go have you got the raisins I asked in here he said tapping his trouser pocket where yet another bulge was showing I've put them all in one bag it was a calm sunny evening with little wisps of brilliant white cloud hanging motionless in the sky and the valley was cool and very quiet as the two of us began walking together along the road that ran between the hills towards Wendover the iron thing underneath my father's foot made a noise like a hammer striking a nail each time it hit the road this is it Danny we're on our way now he said by golly I wish my old dad were coming with us on this one he had had given his right teeth to be here at this moment mom too I said ah yes he said giving a little sigh your mother would have loved this one then he said your mother was a great one for walking Danny and she would always bring something home with her to brighten up the caravan in summer it was wildflowers or grasses when the grass was in seed she would make it look absolutely beautiful in a jug of water especially with some stalks of wheat or barley in between in the autumn she would pick branches of leaves and in the winter it was berries or old man's bed we kept going then he said how do you feel Danny terrific I said and I meant it for although the snakes were still wiggling in my stomach I wouldn't have swapped places with the king of Arabia at that moment do you think they might have dug any more of those pits for us to fall into I asked don't you go worrying about pits Danny my father said I'll be on the lookout for them this time we shall go very carefully and very slowly once we're in the wood how dark will it be in there when we arrive not too dark he said quite light in fact then how do we stop the keepers from seeing us he said that's the fun of the whole thing that's what it's all about it's hide-and-seek is greatest game of hide-and-seek in the world you mean because they've got guns well he said that does add a bit of flavor to it yes we didn't talk much after that but as we got closer and closer to the wood I could see my father becoming more and more twitchy as the excitement began to build up in him he would get hold of some awful old tune and instead of using the words he'd go hummed ileum tum tum tum tum over and over again then he would get hold of another tune and go pump it Liam pom pom pom pom pom vid Leon pom helium as he sang he tried to keep time with the tap tap of his iron foot on the roadway when he got tired of that he said to me I'll tell you something interesting about pheasants Danny the law says they're wild birds so they only belong to you when they're on your own land did you know that I didn't know that Dad so if one of mr. Hazel's pheasants flew over and perched on our filling station he said it would belong to us no one else would be allowed to touch it you mean even if mr. hazel had brought it himself as a chick I said even if he had bought it and read it in his own wood absolutely my father said once it flies off his own land he's lost it unless of course it flies back again it's the same with fish once a trout or a salmon has swum out of your stretch of the river into somebody else's you can't very well say hey that's mine I want it back can you of course not I said but I didn't know it was like that with pheasants it's the same with a war game my father said hair day Partridge grouse you name it we had been walking steadily for about an hour and a quarter and we were coming to the gap in the hedge where the cart track led up the hill to the big wood and where the pheasants lived we crossed over the road and went through the gap we walked on up the cart track and when we reached the crest of the hill we could see the wood ahead of us huge and dark with the Sun going down behind the trees and little sparks of gold shining through no talking Danny once were inside I said keep very close to me and try not to go snapping any branches five minutes later we were there the wood skirted the edge of the track on the right-hand side with only the hedge between it and us come on my father said in we go he slipped through the hedge on all fours and I followed it was cool and murky inside the wood no sunlight came in at all my father took me by the hand and together we started walking forward between the trees I was very grateful to him for holding my hand I had wanted to take hold of his the moment we entered the wood but I thought he might disapprove my father was very tense he was picking his feet up high and putting them down gently on the brown leaves he kept his head moving all the time the eyes sweeping slowly from side to side searching for danger I tried doing the same but soon I began to see a keeper behind every tree so I gave it up we went on like this for maybe four or five minutes going slowly deeper and deeper into the wood then a large patch of sky appeared ahead of us in the roof of the forest and I knew that this must be the clearing my father had told me that the clearing was the place where the young birds were introduced into the wood in early July where they were fed and watered and guarded by the keepers and where many of them stayed from force of habit until the shooting began there's always plenty of pheasants in the clearing my father had said and keepers dad yes he had said but there's thick bushes all around and that helps the clearing was about a hundred yards ahead of us we stopped behind a big tree while my father let his eyes travel very slowly all round he was checking each little shadow and every part of the wood within sight we're going to have to cool the next bit he whispered letting go of my hand keep close behind me all the time Danny and do exactly as I do if you see me lie flat on my face you do the same right right I whispered back off we go then this is it my father got down on his hands and knees and started crawling I followed he moved surprisingly fast on all fours and I had quite a job to keep up with him every few seconds he would glance back at me to see if I was all right and each time he did so I gave him a nod and a smile we crawled on and on and then at last we were kneeling safely behind a big clump of bushes right on the edge of the clearing my father was nudging me with his elbow and pointing through the branches at the pheasants the place was absolutely stiff with them there must have been at least 200 huge birds strutting around among the tree stumps you see what I mean he whispered it was a fantastic sight a poacher's dream come true and how close they were some of them were not ten paces from where we knelt the hens were plump and creamy brown they were so fat their breast feathers almost brushed the ground as they walked the were slim and elegant with long tails and brilliant red patches around their eyes like scarlet spectacles I glanced at my father his face was transfixed in ecstasy the math was slightly open and the eyes were sparkling bright as they stared at the pheasants there's a keeper he said softly I froze at first I didn't even dare to look over there my father whispered I mustn't move I told myself not even my head look carefully my father whispered over the other side by that big tree slowly I swiveled my eyeballs in the direction he indicated then I saw him dad I whispered don't move now Danny stay well down yes but Dad it's all right he can't see us we crouched close to the ground watching the keeper he was a smallish man with a cap on his head and a big double-barreled shotgun under his arm he never moved he was like a little post standing there should we go I whispered the keepers face was shadowed by the peat of his cap but it seemed to me he was looking straight at us should we go dad my father said slowly never taking his eyes from the keeper he reached into his pocket and brought out a single raisin he placed it in the palm of his right hand and then quickly with a little flick of the wrist he threw the raisin high into the air I watched it as it went sailing over the bushes and I saw it land within a yard of two hen Birds standing beside an old tree stump both birds turn their heads sharply at the drop of the raisin then one of them hopped over and made a quick peck at the ground and that must have been it I looked at the keeper he hadn't moved I could feel a trickle of cold sweat running down one side of my forehead and across my cheek I didn't dare lift the hand to wipe it away my father threw a second raisin into the clearing then a third and a fourth and a fifth it takes guts to do that I thought terrific guts if I'd been alone I would never have stayed there for one second but my father was in a sort of poacher's trance for him this was it this was the moment of danger the biggest thrill of all he kept on throwing the raisins into the clearing swiftly silently one at a time Flik went his wrist and up went the raisin high over the bushes to land among the pheasants then all at once I saw the keeper turn away his head to inspect the wood behind him my father saw it too quick as a flash he pulled the bag of raisins out of his pocket and tipped the whole lot into the palm of his right hand dad I whispered don't but with a great sweep of the arm he flung the entire handful way over the bushes into the clearing they fell with a soft little patter like raindrops on dry leaves and every single present in the place must have heard them fall there was a flurry of wings and a rush to find the treasure the keepers head flicked round as though there were a spring inside his neck the birds were all pecking away madly at the raisins the keeper took two quick paces forward and for a moment I thought he was going in to investigate then he stopped and his face came up and his eyes began travelling slowly round the edge of the clearing lie down flat my father whispered stay there don't move an inch I flattened my body against the ground and pressed one side of my face into the brown leaves the soil below the leaves had a queer pungent smell like beer out of one eye I saw my father raise his head just a tiny bit to watch the keeper he kept watching him don't you love this he whispered to me I didn't dare answer him we lay there for what seemed like a hundred years at last I heard my father whisper panics over follow me Danny but be extra careful he's still there and keep down low all the time he started crawling away quickly on his hands and knees I went after him I kept thinking of the keeper who was somewhere behind us I was very conscious of that keeper and I was also very conscious of my own backside and how it was sticking up in the air for all to see I could understand now why poachers bottom was a fairly common complaint in this business we went along in our hands and knees for about a hundred yards now run my father said we got to our feet and ran and a few minutes later we came out through the hedge into the lovely open safety of the cart track it went marvelously my father said breathing heavily didn't it go absolutely marvelously his face was scarlet and glowing with triumph did the keeper see us I asked not on your life he said and in a few minutes the Sun will be going down and the birds will all be flying up to roost and that keeper will be sloping off home to his supper then all we've got to do is go back in again and help ourselves we'll be picking them up off the ground like pebbles he sat down on the grassy bank below the hedge I sat down close to him he put an arm round my shoulders and gave me a hug you did well Danny he said I'm right proud of you chapter 15 the keeper we sat on the grassy bank below the hedge waiting for darkness to fall the Sun had set now and the sky was a pale smoke blew faintly glazed with yellow in the wood behind us the shadows and the spaces in between the trees were turning from gray to black you could offer me anywhere in the world at this moment my father said and I wouldn't go his whole face was glowing with happiness we did it Danny he said laying a hand gently on my knee we pulled it off doesn't that make you feel good terrific I said but it was a bit scary while it lasted ah but that's what poaching's all about he said it scares the pants of us that's why we love it look there's a hawk I looked where he was pointing and saw a Kestrel Hawk hovering superbly in the darkening sky above the ploughed field across the track it's his last chance for supper tonight my father said he'll be lucky if he sees anything now except for the Swift fluttering of its wings the hawk remained absolutely motionless in the sky it seemed to be suspended by some invisible thread like a toy bird hanging from the ceiling then suddenly it folded its wings and plummeted towards the earth and at incredible speed this was a sight that always thrilled me what do you think he saw dad a young rabbit perhaps my father said or a vowel or a field mouse none of them has a chance when there's a Kestrel overhead we waited to see if the hawk would fly up again he didn't which meant he had caught his prey and was eating it on the ground how long does a sleeping pill take to work I asked I don't know the answer to that one my father said I imagine it's about half an hour it might be different with pheasants though dad it might he said we've got to wait a while anyway to give the keepers time to go home they'll be off as soon as it gets dark I've brought an apple for each of us he added fishing into one of his pockets a Cox's orange Pippin I said smiling thank you very much we sat there munching away one of the nice things about a Cox's orange Pippin my father said is that the pips rattled when it's ripe shake it and you can hear them rattling I shook my half-eaten Apple the pips rattled look out he whispered sharply there's someone coming the man had appeared suddenly and silently out of the dusk and was quite close before my father saw him it's another keeper he whispered just sit tight and don't say a word we both watched the keeper as he came down the track towards us he had a shotgun under his arm and there was a black labrador walking at his heel he stopped when he was a few paces away and the dog stopped with him and stayed behind him watching us to the keepers legs good evening my father said nice and friendly this one was a tall bony man with a hard eye and a hard cheek and hard dangerous hands I know you he said coming closer I know the both of you my father didn't answer this you're from the filling station right his lips were thin and dry with some sort of brownish crust over them you're from the filling station and as you're born you live in that filthy old Caravan right what are we playing my father said 20 questions the keepers spat out a big gob of spit and I saw it go sailing through the air and land with a plop on a patch of dry dust six inches from my father's plastered foot it looked like a little baby oyster lying there beat it the man said go on get out when he spoke his upper lip lifted above the gum and I could see a row of small discolored teeth one of them was black the others were brownish yellow like the seeds of a pomegranate this happens to be a public footpath my father said kindly do not molest us the keepers shifted the gun from his left arm to his right you're loitering he said with intent to commit a nuisance I could run you in for that no you couldn't my father said all this made me rather nervous I see you broke foot the keeper said you didn't by any chance fall into a hole in the ground did you it's been a nice walk Danny my father said putting a hand on my knee but it's time he went home for supper he stood up and so did I we wondered off down the track the way we had come leaving the keeper standing there and soon he was out of sight in the half darkness behind us that's the head keeper my father said his name is rabbits we have to go home dad home my father cried My dear boy we're just beginning come in here there was a gate on our right leaning into a field and we climbed over it and sat down behind the hedge mr. rabbits is also due for his supper my father said you mustn't worry about him we sat quietly behind the hedge waiting for the keeper to walk past us on his way home a few stars were showing and a bright three-quarter moon was coming up over the hill was behind us in the east we have to be careful of that dog my father said when they come by hold your breath and don't move a muscle won't the dogs smell us out anyway I asked no my father said there's no wind to carry the scent look out here they come don't move the keeper came loping softly down the track with the dog paddling quick and soft-footed at his heel I took a deep breath and held it as they went by when there was some distance away my father stood up and said it's all clear he won't be coming back tonight are you sure I'm positive Danny what about the other one the one in the clearing it'll be gone too might hunt one of them be waiting for us at the bottom of the track I asked by the gap in the hedge there wouldn't be any point in him doing that my father said there's at least 20 different ways of reaching the road when you come out of Hazel's wood mr. rabbits knows that we stayed behind the hedge for a few minutes more just to be on the safe side isn't it a marvelous thought though Danny my father said that there's about 200 pheasants at this very moment roosting up in those trees and already they're beginning to feel groggy they'll be falling out of the branches like raindrops the 3/4 moon was well above the hills now and the sky was filled with stars as we climb back over the gate and began walking up the track towards the wood chapter 16 the champion of the world it was not as dark as I had expected it to be inside the wood this time little glint sand glimmers from the brilliant moon outside Sean through the leaves and gave the place a cold eerie look I brought a light for each of us my father said we're going to need it later on he handed me one of those small pocket torches shaped like a fountain pen I switched mine on it through a long narrow beam of surprising brightness and when I moved it around it was like waving a very long white wand among the trees I switched it off we started walking back towards the clearing where the pheasants had eaten the raisins this my father said will be the first time in the history of the world that anyone has even tried to poach roosting pheasants isn't it marvelous though to be able to walk around without worrying about keepers you don't think mr. rabbits might have sneaked back again just to make sure never my father said he's gone home to his supper I couldn't help thinking that if I had been mr. rabbits and if I had seen two suspicious-looking characters lurking just outside my precious pheasant would I certainly would not have gone home to my supper my father must have sensed my fears because once again he reached out and took my hand in his folding his long warm fingers around mine hand in hand we threaded our way through the trees towards the clearing in a few minutes we were there here's where we threw the raisins my father said I peered through the bushes the clearing late pale and milky in the moonlight what do we do next I asked we stay here and wait my father said I could just make out his face under the peak of his cap the lips pale the cheeks flushed the eyes shining bright are they all roosting dead yes they're all around us they don't go far could I see them if I Sean my light up into the branches no he said they go up pretty high and they hide in among the leaves we stood waiting for something to happen nothing happened it was very quiet there in the wood Danny my father said yes dad I've been wondering how a bird manages to keep its balance sitting on a branch when it's asleep I don't know I said why it's very peculiar he said what's peculiar it's peculiar that a bird doesn't topple off its perch as soon as it goes off to sleep after all if we were sitting on a branch and we went to sleep we would fall off at once wouldn't we birds have claws and long toes dad I expect they hold on with those I know that Danny but I still don't understand why the toes keep gripping the perch once the bird is asleep surely everything goes limp when you fall asleep I waited for him to go on I was just thinking he said that if a bird can keep its balance when it's asleep then surely there isn't any reason why the pills should make it fall down its doped I said surely it will fall down if it's doped but isn't that simply a deeper sort of sleep he said why should we expect it to fall down just because it's in a deeper sleep there was a gloomy silence I should have tested it with roosters my father added suddenly the blood seemed to have drained right out of his cheeks his face was so pale I thought he might be going to faint my dad would have tested it with roosters before he did anything else he said at that moment there came a soft thump from the wood behind us what was that I asked Shh we stood listening thumb there's another I said it was a deep muffled sound as though a bag of sand had been dropped to the ground some there pheasants I cried wait they must be pheasants dead thumb thumb you may be right Danny we switched on our torches and ran towards the sounds where were they my father so over here dad two of them were over here I thought they were this way keep looking they can't be far we searched for about a minute here's one my father called when I got to him he was holding a magnificent bird in both hands we examined it closely with our torches it's dope to high heaven my father said it won't wake up for a week some there's another I cried thump thump two more my father yield thump thump thump thump jeepers my father said thump thump thump thump thump thump all around us the pheasants were starting to rain down out of the trees we began rushing round madly in the dark sweeping the ground with our torches thump thump thump this lock fell almost on top of me I was right under the tree as they came down and I found all three of them immediately two and a hen they were limp and warm the feathers wonderfully soft in the hand where shall I put them dad I called out lay them here Danny just pile them up here where it's light my father was standing on the edge of the clearing with the moonlight streaming down all over him and a great bunch of pheasants in each hand his face was bright his eyes big and bright and wonderful and he was staring round him like a child who has just discovered that the whole world is made of chocolate thump thump thump is too many I said it's beautifully cried he dumped the birds he was carrying and ran off to look for more some thump thump thump thump it was easy to find them now there were one or two lying under every tree I quickly collected six more three in each hand and ran back and dumped them with the others then six more then six more after that and still they kept falling my father was in a whirl of excitement now dashing about like a mad ghost under the trees I could see the beam of his torch waving round in the dark and every time he found a bird he gave a little Yelp of triumph some thump thump hey Danny he shouted yes I'm over here what is it dad what do you think the great mr. Victor Heiser would say if he could see this don't talk about it I said for three or four minutes the pheasants kept on falling then suddenly they stopped keep searching my father shouted there's plenty more on the ground dad I said don't you think we ought to get out while the goings good never he shouted not on your life we went on searching between us we looked under every tree within a hundred yards of the clearing north south east and west and I think we found most of them in the end at the collecting point there was a pile of pheasants as big as a bonfire it's a miracle my father was saying it's an absolute miracle he was staring at them in a kind of trance should we just take about six each and get out quick I said I would like to count them Danny dad not now I must count them can't we do that later one two three four he began counting them very carefully picking up each bird in turn and laying it carefully to one side the moon was directly overhead now and the whole clearing was brilliantly lit up I felt as though I was standing in the glare of powerful headlamps a hundred and seventeen 118 119 120 he cried it's an all-time record he looked happier than I had ever seen him in his life the most my dad ever got was 15 and he was drunk for a week afterwards he said but this this my dear boy is an all-time world record I expect it is I said and you did it Danny the whole thing was your idea in the first place I didn't do it dad oh yes you did and you know what that makes you my dear boy it makes you the champion of the world he pulled up his sweater and unwound the two big cotton sex from around his belly he is yours he said handing one of them to me fill it up quick the light of the moon was so strong I could read the print across the front of the sack JW Crump I said Kesten flour mills London SW 17 you don't think that keeper with the brown teeth is watching us this very moment from behind a tree said no chance my father said if he's anywhere he'll be down at the filling station waitin to catch us coming home with the loot we started loading the pheasants into the sec's they were soft and floppy Nick than the skin underneath the feathers was still warm we can't possibly carry this lot all the way home I said of course not there'll be a taxi waiting for us on the track outside the wood a taxi I said my dad always made use of a taxi on a big job he said why a taxi for heaven's sake it's more secret Danny nobody knows who's inside a taxi except the driver which driver I asked Charlie Kinch he's only too glad to oblige does he know about poaching - Oh Charlie Kinch of course he does he's poached more pheasants in his time than we've sold gallons of petrol we finished load-in the sexes and my father humped his under his shoulders I couldn't do that with mine it was too heavy for me drag it my father said just drag it along the ground my sack had 60 Birds inside it and weighed a ton but it slid quite easily over the dry leaves with me walking backwards and pulling it with both hands we came to the edge of the wood and peered through the hedge onto the track my father said Charlie boy very softly and the old man behind the wheel of the taxi poked his head out into the moonlight and gave us a slide toothless grin we slid through the hedge dragging the sexes after us along the ground hello ello ello Charley kyng said what's all this then chapter 17 the taxi two minutes later we were safely inside the taxi and cruising slowly down the bumpy track towards the road my father was bursting with pride and excitement he kept leaning forward and tapping Charlie Kinch on the shoulder and saying how about it charlie how about this for a halt and Charlie kept glancing back pop I'd had the huge bulging sex-crimes man he kept saying how did you do it Danny did it my father said proudly my son Danny is the champion of the world then Charlie said our reckon pheasants is going to be a bit scarce up at mr. Victor Hazel's openin day shoot tomorrow eh Willam I imagine they are Charlie my father said I imagine they are all those fancy folk Oh Charlie said driving in for miles around in their big shiny cars and there won't be a blinking bird anywhere for them to shoot Charlie King started chuckling and chortling so much he nearly drove off the track dad I said what enough are you going to do with all these pheasants share them out among our friends my father said there's a dozen of them for Charlie here to start with all right Charlie that suits me Charlie said then there'll be a dozen for Doc Spencer and another dozen for Enoch Sam ways you don't mean sergeant Sam ways are gassed of course my father said Enoch Sam ways is one of my very oldest friends Enochs a good boy Charlie kin said he's a lovely lad sergeant Enoch Sam ways as I knew very well was the village policeman he was a huge plump man with a bristly black moustache and he strode up and down our high street with the proud and measured tread of a man who knows he is in charge the silver buttons on his uniform sparkled like diamonds and the mere sight of him frightened me so much I used to cross over to the other side of the street whenever he approached Enoch Sam ways likes a piece of roasted pheasant as much as the next man my father said I reckon he knows a thing or two about catching him as well Charlie Kim said I was astounded but I was also rather pleased because now that I knew the great sergeant Sam ways was human like the rest of us perhaps I wouldn't be so scared of him in future are you going to share them out tonight dad I asked not tonight Danny no you must always walk home empty-handed after a poaching trip you can never be sure mr. rabbits or one of his gang isn't waiting for you by the front door to see if you're carrying anything but he's a crafty one that mr. rabbit sees Charley kyng said the best thing is to pour a pound of sugar in the petrol tank of his car when he ain't looking then he can't ever come snooping around your house later on we always made sure to give the keepers a little sugar in their tanks before we went out on a poach I'm surprised you didn't bother to do that Willem especially on a big job like this what does this sugar do I asked blimey it gums up the whole ruddy works Charlie Kim said you've got to take the entire engine to pieces before it all go again after its head to sugar ain't that right Willem that's quite right charlie my father said we came off the bumpy track onto the main road and Charlie Kent's got the old taxi into top gear and headed for the village are you dumping these birds at mrs. clip stones placed tonight er yes my father told him drives straight to mrs. clip stones why mrs. clip stones I asked what she got to do with it mrs. clip stone delivers everyone's fizzies my father said haven't I told you that no dad you haven't I said a god I was now more stunned than ever mrs. grey skip stone was the wife of the reverend lionel clip stone the local vicar always choose a respectable woman to deliver your pheasants my father announced that's correct charlie isn't it mrs. clip stones a right smart lady Charlie said I could hardly believe what they were saying it was beginning to look as though just about everybody in the entire district was in on this poaching lark the vicar is very fond of roasted pheasant for his dinner my father said who isn't charlie kin said and he started chuckling to himself all over again we were driving through the village now and the street lamps were lit and the men were wandering home from the pubs all full of bay I saw mr. snotty my headmaster a bit wobbly on his feet and try and collect himself in secretly through the side door of his house but what he didn't see was mrs. Nadi's sharp frosty face sticking out of the upstairs window watching him you know something Danny my father said we've done these birds a great kindness putting them to sleep in this nice ping 'less way they'd have had a nasty time of it tomorrow if we hadn't got them first rotten shots most of the fellows are Charlie Kim said at least half the birds finished upwind and wounded the taxi turned left and swung in through the gates of the vicarage there were no lights in the house and nobody met us my father and I got out and dumped the pheasants in the culture at the rear then we said goodbye to Charlie kingj and began to walk the two miles back to the filling station chapter xviii home soon we had left the village behind us and were in open country there was no one else in sight just the two of us my father and I tired by happy striding out along the curvy country road in the light of the moon I can't believe it my father kept saying I simply cannot believe we pulled it off my heart is still thumping I said so his mind so is mine but how danny's he cried laying a hand on my shoulder didn't we have a glorious time we were walking right in the middle of the road as though it were a private driveway running through our country estate and we were the Lords of all we surveyed do you realize Danny my father said that on this very night on this Friday the 30th of September you and I have actually bagged 120 prime pheasants from mr. Victor Hazel's wood I looked at my father his face was alight with happiness and his arms were waving all over the place as he went prancing along the middle of the road with his funny iron foot go in clink-clink-clink roasted pheasant he cried out addressing the moon and the entire countryside the finest and most succulent dish on earth I don't suppose you've ever eaten roasted pheasant have you Danny never I said you wait he cried you just wait till you taste it it has an unbelievable flavor its sheer magic does it have to be roasted dad of course it has to be roasted you don't ever boil a young bird why do you ask that I was wondering how we would do the roasting I said don't you have to have an oven or something of course he said but we don't have an oven dead all we've got is a paraffin burner I know he said and that is why I have decided to buy an oven buy one I cried yes Danny he said with such a great and glorious stock of pheasants on our hands it is important that we have the proper equipment therefore we shall go back into the village tomorrow morning and we shall buy an electric oven we can get one at wheelers and we'll put it in the workshop we've got plenty of electric plugs in the workshop won't it be very expensive no expense is too great for roasted pheasant my father announced superbly and don't forget Danny before we put the bird in the oven we have to lay strips of fat bacon across the breast to keep it nice and juicy and bread sauce too we shall have to make bread sauce you must never have roasted pheasant without lashings of bread sauce there are three things you must always have with roasted pheasant bread sauce chip potatoes and boiled parsnips there was half a minute silence as we both allowed ourselves the pleasure of dreaming about these beautiful foods and I'll tell you what else we've got to get my father said we've got to get one of those deep freezers where you can store things for months and months and they never go rotten dad I said no but don't you realize Danny that even after we've given birds away to all our friends - Charlie Kinch and the Reverend clip stone and doc Spencer and Enoch Sam ways and all the rest of them there will still be about 50 left for us that is why we are going to need a deep freezer but it'll cost the earth and worth every penny of it he cried just imagine Danny my boy anytime we fancy a nice roasted pheasant for our supper all we've got to do is open up the lid of the freezer and help ourselves kings and queens don't live any better than that a bar now flew across the road in front of us it's great white wings waving slowly in the moonlight did your mum have an oven in the kitchen dead I asked when you were a boy she had something better than another and he said it was called a cooker it was a great big long black thing and we used to Stoke it up with coal and keep it going for 24 hours a day it never went out and if we didn't have any coal we use bits of wood could you roast pheasants in it you could roast anything in it Danny it was a lovely thing that old cooker it used to keep the whole house warm in the winter but you never had a cooker of your own did you dad you and mum when you got married or an oven no he said we couldn't afford things like that then how did you roast your pheasants ah he said that was quite a trick we used to build a fire outside the caravan and roast them on a spit the way gypsies do what's a spit I asked is just a long metal spike and you stick it through the pheasant and put it over the fire and keep turning it round what you do is you push to fork sticks into the ground one on each side of the fire and you rest the spit on the forks did it roast them well fairly well he said but an oven would do it better listen Danny mr. Wheeler has all sorts of marvelous ovens in his shop now he's got one in there with so many dials and knobs on it it looks like the cockpit of an airplane is that the one you want to buy dad I don't know he said we'll decide tomorrow we kept walking and soon we saw the filling station glimmering in the moonlight ahead of us will mr. Ribbit's be waiting for us do you think dad I asked if he is you won't see him Danny they always hide and watch you from behind a hedge or a tree and they only come out if you are carrying a sack over your shoulder or if your pocket is bulging with something suspicious we are carrying nothing at all so don't worry about it whether or not mr. rabbits was watching us as we entered the filling station and headed for the caravan I don't know we saw no sign of him inside the caravan my father lit the paraffin lamp and I lit the burner and put the kettle on to make us a cup of cocoa each that my father said as we sat sipping our hot cocoa a few minutes later was the greatest time I've ever had in my whole life chapter xix rockabyebaby at 8:30 the next morning my father went into the workshop and dialed doc Spencer's number on the telephone now listen doctor he said if you could be here at the filling station in about half an hour I think I might have a little surprise present for you the doctor says something in reply and my father replaced the receiver at nine o'clock doc Spencer arrived in his car my father went over to him and the two of them held a whispered conversation beside the pumps suddenly the tiny doctor clapped his hands together and sprang up high in the air hooting with laughter you don't mean it he cried it's not possible he then rushed over to me and grasped my hand in his I do congratulate you my dear boy he cried pumping my hand up and down so fiercely it nearly came off what a triumph what a miracle what a victory now why on earth didn't I think of that method myself you are a genius sir hail to thee dear Danny you're the champion of the world here she comes my father called out pointing down the road here she comes doctor he who comes the doctor said mrs. clips tone he spoke the name proudly as though he were a commander referring to his bravest officer the three of us stood together beside the pumps looking down the road can't you see her my father asked far away in the distance I could just make out a small finger advancing towards us what's she pushing dad my father gave me a sly look there's only one way of delivering pheasant safely he said and that's under a baby isn't that right doctor under a baby dog Spencer said of course in a pram with the baby on top fantastic the doctor said my old dad thought that one up many years ago my father said and it's never been known to fail yet it's brilliant doc Spencer said only a brilliant mind could think of a thing like that he was a brilliant man my father said can you see her now doctor and that'll be young Christopher clips sitting up in the pram he's one-and-a-half a lovely child I birthed him doc Spencer said he weighed 8 pounds 3 ounces I could just make out the small dot of a baby sitting high up in the pram which had its hood folded down there's more than 100 physics under that little nipper my father said happily just imagine it you can't put a hundred physics in a child's perambulator doc Spencer said don't be ridiculous you can if it's been specially made for the job my father said this one is built extra long and extra wide and it's got an extra deep well underneath listen you could push a cow around in there if you wanted to let alone a hundred pheasants and a baby did you make it yourself dad I asked more or less Danny you remember when I want you to school and then went off to buy the raisins the day before yesterday I said yes and after that I went straight on to the vicarage and converted their pram into this special extra-large poacher's model it's a beauty really it is you wait till you see it and mrs. clip stone says it pushes even easier than her ordinary one she did a practice circuit with it in her backyard as soon as I'd finished it fantastic the doctor said again absolutely fantastic normally my father went on an ordinary bought pram is all you'd ever need but then no one's ever had a hundred pheasants to deliver before now where does the baby sit the doctor asked on top of course my father said all you need is a sheet to cover them and the baby sits on the sheet a bunch of pheasants makes a nice soft mattress for any child I don't doubt it the doctor said he'll be having a very comfortable ride today young Christopher my father said we stood beside the pumps waiting for mrs. Kipps tone to arrive it was the first of October and one of those warm windless autumn mornings with a darkening sky and a smell of thunder in the air what was so marvelous about my father I thought was the way he always surprised you it was impossible to be with him for long with being surprised and astounded by one thing or another he was like a conjurer bringing things out of a hat right now it was the pram and the baby in a few minutes it would be something else again I felt sure of that right through the village Bold As Brass my father said good for her she seems in an awful hurry dad I said she's sort of half running don't you think she's sort of half running dr. spensser I imagine she's just a bit anxious to unload her cargo the doctor said my father squinted down the road at the approaching figure she does appear to be going a bit quick doesn't she he said carefully she's going very quick I said there was a pause my father was beginning to stare hard at the lady in the distance perhaps she doesn't want to be caught in the rain he said I'll bet that's exactly what it is she thinks it's going to rain and she doesn't want the baby to get wet she could put up the hood I said he didn't answer this she's running doc Spencer cried look it was true mrs. clip stone had suddenly broken into a full sprint my father stood very still staring at her and in the silence that followed I fancied I could hear a baby screaming what's up dad he didn't reply there's something wrong with that baby doc Spencer said listen at this point mrs. clip stone was about 200 yards away from us but closing fast can you hear him now dad yes I can hear him he's yelling his head off doc Spencer said the small shrill voice in the distance was growing louder every second frantic piercing non-stop he's having a fit my father said it's a good thing we've got a doctor handy doc Spencer didn't say anything that's why she's running doctor my father said he's having a fit and she wants to get him in here quick and put him under a cold tap some noise I said if it isn't a fit my father said you can bet your life it's something like it I doubt his a fit the doctor said my father shifted his feet uneasily on the gravel of the driveway there's a thousand and one different things keep happening every day two little babies like that he said that's right isn't it doctor of course doc Spencer said every day I knew a baby once who caught his fingers in the spokes of a pram win my father said it cut them clean off the doctor smiled whatever it is my father said I wish to heaven she'd stop running it will give the game away along lorry loaded with bricks came up behind the pram and the driver slowed down and poked his head out of the window to stare mrs. Clips tone ignored him and flew on she was so close now I could see her big red face with the mouth open wide panting for breath I noticed she was wearing white gloves on her hands very prim and dainty and there was a funny little white hat to match perched right on the top of her head like a mushroom suddenly out of the pram straight up into the air through an enormous pheasant my father let out a cry of horror the fool in the lorry began roaring with laughter the pheasant flapped around drunkenly for a few seconds then lost height and landed on the grass by the side of the road crikey doc Spencer said look at that a grocer's van came up behind the lorry and began hooting to get by mrs. clips tone kept on running then whoosh a second pheasant flew up out of the pram then a third and a fourth Great Scott doc Spencer said I know what's happened it's the sleeping pills they're wearing off my father didn't say a word mrs. clip stone covered the last fifty yards at a tremendous pace she came swinging into the filling station with birds flying out of the pram in all direction what on earth is happening she shrieked she pulled up sharp against the first pump and seized the screaming infant in her arms and dragged him clear with the weight of the child suddenly lifted away a great cloud of pheasants rose up out of the gigantic pram there must have been well over a hundred of them and the whole sky above us was filled with huge brown birds clapping their wings a sleeping pill doesn't last forever doc Spencer said shaking his head sadly it always wears off by the next morning the pheasants were too dopey to fly far in a few seconds down they came again and settled themselves like a swarm of locusts all over the filling station the place was covered with them they sat wing to wing along the roof of the workshop and about a dozen were clinging to the sill of the office window some had flown down onto the track that held the bottles of lubricating oil and others were sliding about on the bonnet of duck Spencer's car one bird with a fine tail was purged superbly on top of a petrol pump and quite a number those that were too drunk to do anything else simply squatted in the driveway at our feet fluffing their feathers and blinking their small eyes my father stayed remarkably calm but not poor mrs. clips tone they nearly picked him to pieces she was crying clasping the screaming baby to her bosom take him into the caravan mrs. clips tone my father said all these birds are making him nervous and Danny pushed that pram into the workshop quick mrs. clip stone disappeared into our Caravan with the baby I push the pram into the workshop across the road a line of cars had already started forming behind the brick lorry and the grocery van people were opening their doors and getting out and beginning to cross over to stare at the pheasants watch out dad I said look who's here chapter 20 goodbye mr. hazel the big shiny silver rolls-royce had braked suddenly and come to a stop right alongside the filling station behind the wheel I could see the enormous pink beery face of mr. Victor hazel staring at the pheasants I could see the mouth hanging open the eyes bulging out of his head like toadstools and the skin of his face turning from pink to bright scarlet the car door opened and out he came resplendent in fawn-colored riding breeches and high polished boots there was a yellow silk scarf with red dots on it round his neck and he had a sort of bowler hat on his head the great shooting party was about to begin and was on his way to greet the guests he left the door of the Rolls Royce open and came at us like a charging bull my father duck Spencer and I stood close together in a little group waiting for him he started shouting at us the moment he got out of the car and he went on shouting for a long time after that I'm sure you would like to know what he said but I cannot possibly repeat it here the language he used was so foul and filthy it scorched my ear holes words came out of his mouth that I had never heard before and hope never to hear again little flecks of white foam began forming around his lips and running down his chin on to the yellow silk scarf I glanced at my father he was standing very still and very calm waiting for the shouting to finish the colour was back in his cheeks now and I could see the tiny twinkling wrinkles of a smile around the corners of his eyes doc Spencer stood beside him and he also was very calm he was looking at mr. hazel rather as one would look at a slug on a leaf of lettuce in the salad I myself did not feel quite so calm but they are not your pheasants my father said at last they're mine don't lie to me man yo mr. hazel I'm the only person around here who has pheasants they are on my land my father said quietly they flew unto my land and so long as they stay on my land they belong to me don't you know the rules you bloated old blue faced baboon doc Spencer started to giggle mr. Hazel's skin turned from scarlet to purple his eyes and his cheeks were bulging so much with rage he looked as though someone was blowing up his face with a pump he glared at my father then he glared at the dopey pheasants swarming all over the filling stations what's the matter with him he shouted what have you done to him at this point pedaling grandly towards us on his black bicycle came the arm of the law in the shape of Sergeant Enoch Sam weighs resplendent in his blue uniform and shiny silver buttons it was always a mystery to me how sergeant Sam we could sniff out trouble wherever he was let there be a few boys fighting on the pavement or two motorists arguing over a dented bumper and you could bet your life the village policeman would be there within minutes we all saw him coming now and a little hush fell upon the entire company I imagine the same sort of thing happens when a king or a president enters a room full of chattering people they all stop talking and stand very still as a mark of respect for a powerful and important person sergeant Sam was dismounted from his bicycle and threaded his way carefully through the mass of pheasants squatting on the ground the face behind the big black moustache showed no surprise no anger no emotion of any kind it was calm and neutral as the face of the law should always be for a full half minute he allowed his eyes to travel slowly round the filling station gazing at the mass of pheasants squatting all over the place the rest of us including even mr. hazel waited in silence for judgment to be pronounced well well well said sergeant Sam raised at last puffing out his chest and aggressing nobody in particular what may I ask is Atman in around here sergeant Sam Rees had a funny habit of sometimes putting the letter H in front of words that shouldn't have an H there at all and as though to balance things out he would take away the H from all the words that should have begun with the letter H I'll tell you what's happening around here shouted mr. hazal advancing upon the policeman these are my fizz uns and this rogue pointing at my father has enticed them out of my woods onto his filthy little filling station hent iced said sergeant Sam ways looking first at mr. hazel then at us hentai stem did you say of course he enticed them well now said the sergeant propping his bicycle carefully against one of our pumps this is a very interesting accusation very interested indeed because I ain't never heard of nobody hint ice in a pheasant across six miles of fields an open countryside how do you think this hentai scene was performed mr. ezel if I may ask don't ask me how he did it because I don't know shouted mr. hazel but he's done it alright the proof is all around you all my finest birds are sitting here in this dirty little filling station when they ought to be up in my own wood getting ready for the shoot the words poured out of mr. Hazel's mouth like hot lava from an erupting volcano am I correct said sergeant Sam ways am I absolutely accurate in thinking that today is the day of your great shooting party mr. asel that's the whole point cried mr. hazel stabbing his forefinger into the sergeants chest as though he were punching a typewriter or an adding machine and if I don't get these birds back on my land quick sharp some very important people are going to be extremely angry this morning and one of my guests I'll have you know sergeant is none other than your own boss the Chief Constable of the county so you had better do something about it fast hadn't you unless you want to lose those sergeant stripes of yours sergeant Sam ways did not like people poking their fingers in his chest least of all mr. hazel and he showed it by twitching his upper lip so violently that his moustache came alive and jumped about like some small bristly animal now just one minute he said to mr. hazel just one minute please am I to understand that you are accusing this gentleman here of committing this act of course I am cried mr. hazel I know he did it and do you have any evidence to support his accusation the evidence is all around you shouted mr. hazel are you blind or something now my father stepped forward he took one small pace to the front and fixed mr. hazel with his marvellous bright twinkly eyes surely you know how these pheasants came here he said softly surely I do not know how they came here snap mr hazel then i shall tell you my father said because it is quite simple really they all knew they were going to be shot today if they stayed in your wood so they flew in here to wait until the shooting was over rubbish yacht mr. hazel it's not rubbish at all my father said they are extremely intelligent birds pheasants isn't that so doctor they have tremendous brain power doc Spencer said they know exactly what's going on it would undoubtedly be a great honour my father said to be shot by the Chief Constable of the county and an even greater one to be eaten afterwards by Lord thistle wait but I do not think a pheasant would see it that way you are scoundrels both of you shouted mr. hazel you are rapscallions of the worst kind now then now then said sergeant Sam ways insults ain't going to get us nowhere they only have eight things therefore gentlemen I have a suggestion to put before you I suggest that we all of us make a big effort to drive these birds back over the road onto mr. easels land how does that strike you mr. asel it will be a step in the right direction mr. hazel said get on with it then how about you Willem the sergeant said to my father are you agreeable to this action I think is a splendid idea my father said given sergeant Sam ways one of his funny looks I'll be very glad to help so will Danny what's he up to now I wondered because whenever my father gave somebody one of his funny looks it meant something funny was going to happen and sergeant Sam Hayes I noticed also had quite a sparkle in his usual eastern eye come on my lads he cried let's push these lazy Birds over the roof and with that he began striding around the filling station waving his arms at the pheasants and shouting shoo shoo off you go beat it get out of it my father and I joined him in this rather absurd exercise and for the second time that morning clouds of pheasants rose up into the air clapping their enormous wings it was then I realized that in order to fly across the road the birds would first have to fly over mr. Hazel's mighty rolls-royce which lay right in their path with its door still open most of the pheasants were to dopey to manage this so down they came again smack on top of the great silver car they're all over the roof and the bonnet sliding and slithering and trying to keep a grip on that beautifully polished surface I could hear their sharp claws scraping into the paintwork as they struggled to hang on and already they were depositing their dirty droppings all over the roof get them off scream mr. hazel get them away don't you worry mr. asel sir sergeant Sam weighs cried out we'll fix them for you come on boys he does it shoe him right over the road not in my car you idiot mr. hazel bellow jumping up and down send them the other way we will sir we will answered sergeant Sam weighs in less than a minute the rolls was literally festooned with pheasants all scratching and scrambling and making their disgusting runny messes over the shiny silver paint what is more I saw at least a dozen of them fly right inside the car through the open door by the driver's seat whether or not sergeant Sam Waze had cunningly steered them in there himself I didn't know but it happened so quickly that mr. hazel never even noticed get those birds off my car mr. hazel bellowed can't you see they're ruining the paintwork you've madman paintwork sergeant Sam we said what paintwork he had stopped chasing the pheasants now and he stood there looking at mr. hazel and shaking his head sadly from side to side we've done our very best to hen courage these birds over the road he said but they're too ignorant to understand my car man shouted mr. hazel get them away from my car ah the sergeant said your car yes I see what you mean sir beastly dirty Birds pheasants aw but why don't you just hop in quick and Driver away fast they'll have to get off then won't they mr. hazel who seemed only too glad of an excuse to escape from this madhouse made a dash for the open door of the Rose and leaped into the driver's seat the moment he was in sergeant Sam ways slammed the door and suddenly there was the most infernal uproar inside the car as a dozen or more enormous pheasants started squawking and flapping all over the seats and around mr. Hazel's head drive on mr. asel sir shouted sergeant Sam ways through the window in his most commanding policeman's voice hurry up hurry up hurry up get going quick there is no time to lose he ignored em pheasants mr. asel and accelerate that engine mr. hazel didn't have much choice he had to make a run for it now he started the engine and the great rose shot off down the road with clouds of pheasants rising up from it in all directions then an extraordinary thing happened the pheasants that had flown up off the car stayed up in the air they didn't come flapping drunkenly down as we had expected them to they stayed up and they kept on flying over the top of the filling station they flew and over the caravan and over the field at the back where our little outdoor lavatory stood and over the next field and over the crest of the hill until they disappeared from sight Great Scott doc Spencer cried just look at that they've recovered the sleeping pills have worn off at last now all the other pheasants around the place we're beginning to come awake they were standing up tall on their legs and ruffling their feathers and turning their heads quickly from side to side one or two of them started running about then all the others started running and when sergeant Sam Waze flapped his arms at them the whole lot took off into the air and flew over the filling station and were gone sadly there was not a pheasant left and it was very interesting to see that none of them had flown across the road or even down the road in a direction of Hazel's wood and the great shooting party every one of them had flown in exactly the opposite direction chapter 21 doc Spencer's surprise out on the main road a line of about 20 cars and lorries was parked bumper-to-bumper and the people were standing about in groups laughing and talking about the astonishing sight they had just witnessed come along now sergeant Sam way is called striding towards them get going get moving we can't have this you're blocking the Iowa nobody ever disobeyed sergeant Sam ways and soon the people were drifting back to their cars and getting in in a few minutes they too were all gone only the four of us were left now doc Spencer sergeant Sam ways my father and me well William sergeant Sam we said coming back from the road to join us beside the pumps dem pheasants was the most astonishing sight I ever seed in my entire life it was lovely doc Spencer said just lovely didn't you enjoy it Danny marvellous I said PE we lost them my father said it very nearly broke my heart when they all started flying out of the pram I knew we'd lost them then but now in Evans name did you ever catch him in the first place asked sergeant Sam ways how did you do it with him come on man let me in on a secret my father told him he kept it short but even then it made a fine story and all the way through it the sergeant kept saying where why never well I'll be blowed you could knock me down with a feather stone the crows and things like that and when the story was finished he pointed his long policeman's finger straight at my face and cried well I'll be jiggered I never would have thought a little nipper like you could come up with such a fantastical brainwave as that young man I congratulate you he'll go a long way young Danny would you see if he doesn't doc Spencer said he'll be a great inventor one day to be spoken about like that by the two men I admired most in the world after my father made me blush and stutter and as I stood there wondering what on earth I was expected to say in reply a woman's voice behind me cried out well thank goodness that's over at last this of course was miss grace clip stone who was now picking her way cautiously down the caravan steps with young Christopher in her arms never in my life she was saying have I seen such a shambles is that the little white hat was still perked on the top of her head and the prim white gloves were still on her hands what a gathering she said advancing towards us what a gathering we have here of rogues and varmints good morning Enoch good morning to you miss clips tone sergeant Sam way sir how's the baby my father Oscar the baby is better thank you William she said though I doubt he'll ever be quite the same again of course he will doc Spencer said babies are tough I don't care how tough they are she answered how would you like it if you were being taken for a nice quiet walk in your pram on a pretty autumn morning and you were sitting on a lovely soft mattress and suddenly the mattress comes alive and starts bouncing you up and down like a stormy sea and the next thing you know is about a hundred sharp curvy beaks poking up from underneath the mattress and pecking you to pieces the doctor cocked his head over to one side then to the other and he smiled at mrs. clip stone you think is funny she cried well just you wait dr. spensser and one night I'll put a few snakes or crocodiles or something under your mattress and see how you like it sergeant Sam ways was fetching his bicycle from beside the pumps well ladies and gents he said I must be off and see who else is getting into mischief Randy I'm truly sorry you were troubled Enoch my father said and thanks very much indeed for the help I wouldn't have missed this one for all dirty in China sergeant Sam Way said but it did saddened me most terrible Willam to see all those lovely Birds go slipping right through our fingers like that because to my mind there don't exist a more luscious dish than roasted pheasant anywhere on this earth it's going to sadden The Vicar a lot more than it said and you said mrs. clip stone that's all he's been talking about ever since he got out of bed this morning the lovely roast pheasant he's going to have for his dinner tonight he'll get over it doc Spencer said he will not get over it and it's a rotten shame mrs. clip stone said because now all I've got to give him are some awful frozen Phillips of corn and he never did like cod anyway but my father said surely you didn't load all those pheasants into the pram did you you were meant to keep at least a dozen for you in the vicar oh I know that she wailed but I was so tickled at the thought of strolling calmly through the village with Christopher sitting on a hundred and twenty Birds I simply forgot to keep any back for ourselves and now alas they're all gone and so is the vicars supper the doctor went over to mrs. clips tone and took her by the arm you come with me grace he said I've got something to show you he led her across to my father's workshop where the big doors did wide open the rest of us stayed where we were and waited good grief come and look at this miss clip stone called from inside the workshop William Enoch Danny come and look we hurried over and entered the workshop it was a great sight laid out on my father's bench a mid the spanners and wrenches and oily rags were six magnificent pheasants three and three hens there we are ladies and gentlemen said the doctor his small wrinkled face beaming with delight how's that we were speechless too for you grace to keep the vicar in a good mood doc Spencer said to three knock crawled the fine work he did this morning and two for William and Danny who deserved their most of all what about you doctor my father asked that doesn't leave any for you my wife has enough to do without plucking pheasants all day long he said and anyway who got them out of the wood in the first place you and Danny but how on earth did you get them my father asked when did you nab him I didn't add them the doctor said I had a hunch what sort of a hunch my father asked it seemed fairly obvious the doctor said that some of those pheasants must have gobbled up more than one raised in each some if they were quick enough might have swallowed half dozen each or even more in which case they would have received a very heavy overdose of sleeping pills and wouldn't ever wake up how we cried of course of course so while you were all busy driving the birds on to old Hazel's Road Royce I sneaked in here and had a look under the sheet in the bottom of the pram and there they were amazing said sergeant Sam ways absolutely amazing those were the greedy ones the doctor said it never pays to eat more than your fair share marvelous my father said well done sir oh you lovely man cried mrs. clip stone flinging her arm around the tiny doctor and giving him a kiss on the cheek now come along the doctor said to her I'll Drive you home you can leave this crazy perambulator where it is and Enoch will take your birds with us and drop them off at your house on the way we can't have the arm of the law cycling through the village with a brace of pheasants slung over the handlebars I am very much obliged to you doctor sergeant samway said I really am my father and I loaded four of the pheasants into the doctor's car mr. clip stone got in the front seat with the baby and the doctor set himself behind the wheel don't be sad William he said to my father through the window as he drove off it was a famous victory then sergeant Sam Hayes mounted his bicycle and waved us goodbye and pedaled away down the road in the direction of the village he pedaled slowly and there was a certain Majesty in the way he held himself with the head held high and the back very straight as though he were riding a fine thoroughbred mare instead of an old black bike chapter 22 my father it was all over now my father and I stood alone just outside the workshop and suddenly the old place seemed to become very quiet well Danny my father said looking at me with those twinkly eyes of his that's that it was fun dad I know it was he said I really loved it I said so did I Danny he placed one hand on my shoulder and we began walking slowly towards the caravan maybe we should lock the pumps and take a holiday for the rest of the day he said you mean not open up at all why should we said after all it's Saturday isn't it but we always stay open on Saturdays dead and Sundays maybe it's time we didn't he said we could do something else instead something more interesting I waited wondering what was coming next when we reached the caravan my father climbed the steps and sat down on the little outside platform he allowed both his legs but PLAs the one and the good one too dangled over the edge I climbed up and sat down beside him with my feet on the steps of the ladder it was a fine place to sit the platform of the caravan it was such a quiet comfortable place to sit and talk and do nothing in the pleasant weather people with houses have a front porch or a terrace instead with big chairs to lounge in but I wouldn't have traded either of those for our wooden platform I know a place about three miles away my father was saying over cobblers Hill and down the other side where there's a small wood of large trees it is a very quiet place in the stream runs right through it the stream I said he nodded and gave me another of his twinkly looks is full of trout he said Oh could we I cried could we go there dad why not he said we could try killing them the way doc Spencer told us will you teach me I said I haven't had much practice with trout he told me pheasants are more in my line but we could always learn can we go now I asked getting excited all over again I thought we would just pop into the village first and by the electric oven he said you haven't forgotten about the electric oven have you but Dad I said that was when we thought we were going to have lots and lots of pheasants to roast we've still got the two the doc gave us he said and with any luck we'll have lots more of them as the week's go by it's time we had an oven anyway then we can roast things properly instead of heating up baked beans in the saucepan we could have roasted pork one day and if we felt like it we could have roasted leg of lamb the next time or even roasted beef wouldn't you like that yes I said of course I would and Dad would you be able to make your favorite thing of all what's that he asked toad-in-the-hole I said by golly he cried that'll be the first thing we'll make in our new oven toad-in-the-hole I'll make it in an enormous pan the same as my old mum with the Yorkshire pudding very crisp and raised up in huge bubbly mountains and the sausages nestling in between the mountains can we get it today dad will they deliver it at once they might Danny we'll have to see couldn't we order it now on the telephone we mustn't do that my father said we must go personally to see mr. wheeler and we must inspect all the different models with great care alright I said let's go I was really steamed up now about getting an oven and being able to have toad-in-the-hole and roasted pork and stuff like that I couldn't wait my father got to his feet and when we've done that he said we'll go off to the stream and see if we can't find us some big rainbow trout we could take sandwiches with us for lunch and eat them beside the stream that will make a good day of it a few minutes later the two of us were walking down the well-known road towards the village to buy the oven my father's iron foot went clink-clink on the hard surface and overhead some big black thunder clouds were moving slowly down the valley dad I said yes my love when we have our roasted pheasant supper with our new oven do you think we could invite dr. Spencer and mrs. Spencer to eat with us great heavens my father cried what a wonderful thought what a beautiful idea we'll give a dinner party and their honor the only thing is I said would it be enough room in the caravan for four people I think so he said just but we've only got two chairs that's no problem Danny you and I can sit on boxes there was a short silence then he said but I'll tell you what we must have and that's a tablecloth we can't serve dinner to the doctor and his wife without a tablecloth but we don't have a tablecloth dad don't you worry about it my father said we can use a sheet from one of the bunks that's all a tablecloth is a sort of sheet what about knives and forks I asked how many do we have just two knives I said and two forks and those are all a bit dented we shall buy two more of each my father said we shall give our guests the new ones and use the old ones ourselves good I said lovely I reached out and slid my hand into his he folded his long fingers round my fist and held it tight and we walked on towards the village where soon the two of us would be inspecting all the different ovens with great care and talking to mr. wheeler personally about them and after that we would walk home again and make up some sandwiches for our lunch and after that we would set off with the sandwiches in our pockets striding up over cobblers Hill and down the other side to the small wood of large trees with the stream running through it and after that perhaps a big rainbow trout and after that there would be something else after that and after that ah yes and something else again because what I'm trying to tell you what I have been trying so hard to tell you all along is simply that my father without the slightest doubt was the most marvellous and exciting father any boy ever had a message to children who have read this book when you grow up and have children of your own do please remember something important a study parent is no fun at all what a child wants and deserves is a parent who is Sparky the end