that's the thing I don't think I believe in deep down I kind of think all you are is just the things that you do so you're apologizing yes I'm sorry okay I don't forgive you herb I said I'm sorry yeah and I do not forgive you I'm glad we buried the hatchet and everything's cool uh actually you know everything is not cool my question is for Diane look I'm sorry about all the stuff I said about you earlier I just wanted to fix things somehow I'm sorry horse guy but you can't I'm sorry Mr Peanut Butter I can't tell you how sorry I am charlot I am so sorry don't don't you dare how was your uh graduation show it was two months ago you missed it sorry no you're not I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry boj where are you are you okay I don't know I'm so sorry I said I was sorry no you didn't okay Hol Hawk I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you I shouldn't have moved in with you Gina hi look I I I'm sorry I I thought hey from now on let's just stick to the original rules and not get in each other's business Holly huug I'm sorry me too are you okay you look good yeah makeup cover the bruises Gina I'm so sorry let's just do the interview okay I I just wanted to say that I know you're really busy and I'm sorry for making your life more difficult this week and also always also I know that my apologies are pretty much meaningless at this point and I'm sorry for that too so here's what BoJack Horseman has to say about the nature of apologies BoJack Horseman is a show that's filled with mistakes and not just on bojack's part either every single member of the main cast while trying to find their own path in life hurts those around them whe whether it be deliberately or inadvertently what they don't realize when they make those mistakes however is that they are irreversibly changing the relationships of those around them and that they will never be able to go back to how they were and that apologizing and feeling bad about your actions is never enough to change the fact that you once pushed past your care for your friend or significant other to be able to stab them in the back after all apologies are only words and words cannot Rectify mistakes or fix past transgressions and the more you promise to change without actually putting in the effort the less those words mean to the people around you we see this most evidently with Todd and Bojack Todd puts up with a lot of abuse from Bojack and doesn't really complain about the fact that he's used as sort of an emotional punching bag for Bojack on a day-to-day basis shut up Todd is played as a joke oh my God are you Todd uh yes shut up Todd a okay but it shows a repetitive cycle of treatment wherein Todd is constantly devalued and dismissed leading his opinion of himself to drop further and further it takes some time away from Bojack as we see by the point Todd speaks with his stepfather in season 6 for Todd to actually gain selfworth and realize that he can live his life the way he chooses so long as he's happy and not hurting anyone else his Outlook does have value and does provide value to those around him as much as Bojack made him feel worthless and unloved but whenever Todd considers leaving Bojack and striking out on his own Bojack apologizes for his behavior to lure him back in I don't think that this act is inherently malicious on bojack's part but it is definitely a piece of a toxic cycle of bringing people closer only to avoid loneliness just to push them away again in the near future he's not really doing anything out of care for others but mostly out of his own selfish need to be loved and accepted in season 2 after Bojack misses Todd's improv show and truly disappoints him further than we've ever seen before Todd completely removes himself from bojack's life not only that but there's a really dark departure for the both of them where Bojack refuses to admit that there were any good times during his stay oh right your improv thing how was your uh graduation show it was 2 months ago you missed it sorry no you're not well anyway I'm finally moving out just like you wanted good honestly you'll probably be better off without me yeah but we had some good times though right did we right well um take care and I think that this statement really hurts Todd and characterizes his time staying with Bojack in a much more negative and codependent way than he previously thought but after escape from La when Bojack is once again at a rock bottom and in need of friendships to pull himself out of the pit he's dug he goes right back to Todd literally sailing across the sea to catch up to him and apologize he remembers a small detail that seems to prove he cares about Todd and their friendship and resolves to save him in this Grand gesture to earn his trust back but as Bojack says later in the series that one grand gesture is not enough all I know about being good I learned from TV and in TV flawed characters are constantly showing people they care with these surprising grand gestures and I think that part of me still believes that's what love is but in real life the big gesture isn't enough you need to be consistent you need to be dependably good so in season 3 when he once again betrays Todd by Sleeping with Emily someone who Todd is interested in romantically but not sexually he can't get by with an apology again they've been working very subtly too across the season to show us that Bojack is on thin ice with Todd and that even when Todd Goofs around Bojack has to try to be more patient and sensitive to his feelings clearly there needed to be a change for Todd to be able to stay in bojack's life even with that grand gesture that he showed to him on the giggle ship well you better not have gotten your failure stink all over my important movie star clothes a I'm sorry I didn't mean that you're my friend and you don't stink of failure your stink is one of Good Intentions and Youthful exuberant hooray compliment as much as there's more focus on Diane and Mr Peanut Butter going to therapy this season I do feel Bojack and Todd were almost in a period of therapy themselves trying to repair what was left of their relationship and it didn't end up working unfortunately the problem here was that Bojack didn't back up his words with any efforts that showed him how he cares he tries to pull back on his impulse to insult and demean Todd and while they do make some progress as stated and stop the presses and you know the worst part is that things have actually been going really well with Todd our friendship is in a really good place right now like last week he said did you know that the wiener dog is neither a weener nor a dog and instead of saying shut up Todd I said okay Bojack still doesn't really ever show Todd that he cares about him he could absolutely allow him to stay in the guest room of his house but never offers him that opportunity forcing him to sleep on the couch for years granted Todd doesn't pay rent so it's a bit of a trade-off but I can't imagine it's good for your back to stay there for so long and Todd arguably Pays His dues by emotionally supporting Bojack and keeping his loneliness at Bay after all Bojack is the one that wants Todd there in the first place instead Bojack starts Todd out with nothing so that the smallest modom of kindness seems like the World opening up to him that's why after the whole rock opera situation when Bojack gifts him the hall closet it's such a huge moment for him Bojack is so naturally and casually cruel that any slight Act of generosity seems like the most magnanimous thing he could have ever done and this is an extremely realistic portrayal of people who take advantage of others by giving them so little that even giving them anything at all is a treat and it's the same with his spoken apologies as well he's generally very callous so when he tries to apologize and be gentle it seems much more significant than it actually is which is likely why so many people fall for his apologies so many times despite the fact that he almost never backs them up with actual effort and like Todd says he only allows him to complete caara Kadabra in his house because he felt guilty about sleeping with Emily and he doesn't feel the need to tell Todd about his mistake for the majority of season 3 either it's just a fact of the matter bojack's selfishness and need to drown out his intrusive negative thoughts and loneliness trumps his care for Todd and most others as a friend at least for the majority of the series and as much as he'd profess otherwise saying that he didn't mean to hurt him and that he was drunk and that he's sorry it's obvious after so many mistakes that he just doesn't care about Todd he isn't sorry he just wants Todd to come back to him the rock opera the countless mentions of his own Disneyland and never paying attention The Improv show Emily he disappoints Todd over and over again apologizing and assuring him that it will always be better but as Todd says that's not enough he needs to actually be better he could apologize until his face turned blue but after Emily it will never be enough none of them mean anything anymore after Todd's been promised a better Bojack over and over again and he always ends up disappointed I mean hell Todd in Downer ending States then I realized that's just how you are you know and maybe I just need to stop expecting you to be a good person and so that way I won't get hurt when you're not how is that in any way an actual friendship and this is season one of the show their relationship is already in that extremely low place but I do love that even with this declaration he still reaches a limit later you can resolve to expect him to live down to your expectations but it won't change the hurt you feel when he betrays you whether you're shocked or not it still hurts because when Bojack screws up big time the apology just feels like the absolute least that he could do some reflex he uses to make himself feel better while never actually intentionally trying to be better to the people around him I actively snort on rewatch when he tries to apologize to Charlotte immediately after the situation with Penny what is sori going to do for you now you have crossed a line that most don't even dare go near and you think that you could wriggle out of the guilt with a sorry nuh-uh honey nuh-uh those words don't mean anything from you anymore you have lost all credibility in Charlotte's case and it's the same with Princess Caroline while Bojack is on the apology tour in the Bender with Sarah Lynn he is hurling I'm sores at her expecting it to fix the pain he's caused her all the while literally showing to her that he hasn't changed one bit and is still actively drinking and going on Benders he dismissed her feelings and showed to her that he didn't truly care about her but now when everyone else is gone he runs right back expecting her to be drawn back in with a simple sentence there's nothing else there these words he's throwing at her are completely devoid of meaning for her at this point and this is a rather in yourface example of one of the most important lessons to take about apologizing from this show which is that who you are is what you do not what you say Diane says this explicitly in the season 1 finale later when talking to Bojack on the roof stating that there isn't really a deep down a hidden part of your personality you show yourself through your actions and reveal parts of your personality by how you treat others and the world around you you can't go around being selfish narcissistic and disrespecting others and still believe that there's a part of you inside that is good even if you never show it how do you know it's there if there's no proof how is anyone else supposed to see it if you don't show it to them and I hope people don't take this as a hopeless thing or as Bojack puts it depressing like oh I've been awful so I must only be awful that is definitely not true because get this your life isn't over yet you still have the capacity to do good things and spread positivity and if you truly want to and resolve to change for the better then it's clear that those actions weren't all you are it was just a dark period of your life that you needed to fight your way out of and you did and Bojack is proof of this as well he spends much of his life doing terrible things telling himself that he's garbage and he can't change that leak monologue in season 1 is awfully well written and depressing now sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak and any goodness I started with just slowly Spilled Out of me and now it's all gone and I'll never get it back in me it's too late life is a series of closing doors isn't it but I don't think it's at all true and a part of it is an excuse so that he wouldn't have to do any work on himself or face the mistakes that he's made in his past like I said before once you've settled into this routine of malice and Corruption it's difficult to pull yourself up and realize that it isn't all you are or at least all you could be it's like taking Free Will away from yourself like I'm bad so I have no choices all I will ever choose is to be bad and it isn't inherently my fault because that's just how I was born the truth of the matter is Bojack willingly gave up those parts of himself that he admired his loyalty to Herb and his friends his General respect for others and kindness his self-control until there wasn't anything left for him to commend himself on when he looked in the mirror and all that does is drive him further into this hole telling himself that he fundamentally can't change and that he shouldn't bother trying Diane pretty much directly addresses this in the season 5 finale too I'm a bad guy and the world needs to know there's no such thing as bad guys or good guys we're all just guys who do good stuff sometimes and bad stuff sometimes and all we can do is try to do less bad stuff and more good stuff but you're never going to be good because you're not bad so you need to stop using that as an excuse and despite all of this we as an audience know or at least hope because he's the protagonist that he is capable of doing better and have seen him try over and over again to repair the damage that he's caused himself we all wanted to see him develop and mature chore so badly but first he had to abandon that perception of himself as the thing that couldn't be changed once he's able to break through that mentality as we see through his letters to Diana in season 6 the main thing I think about is how stupid I am that I didn't do this sooner I wasted so many years being miserable because I assumed that was the only way to be and I don't want to do that anymore he's finally able to dedicate the willpower necessary to the Endeavor of recovery now that he fully believes it's actually possible possible for him and through this his actions to those around him become more kind and come from compassion rather than compulsion he cleans Diane's apartment simply to be nice and doesn't wait for a thank you he doesn't even think twice before getting up and finding the energy to do it either he just does and it proves that Bojack is a more well-rounded and caring person than a simple apology ever could overall the episode that this is from face of depression is a very good example of the positive effect that rehab has had on him and how he can casually treat others with more kindness after smashing this resolution that he couldn't better himself he indulges in Mr Peanut Butter's crossover fantasy to create one of the most wholesome moments the show has ever produced he guides mod to the asexual dating app which leads her to Todd where they both end up becoming very happy and he gives Princess Caroline a painting for her baby so many small gestures of kindness that tell you so much about him as a person and there's a difference between these and the grand gestures that I was referring to earlier and will elaborate on later on these aren't Grand dramatic or some big phenomenon that shows to the world and proves to people that he's a good person he isn't expecting praise or a reward he's just being kind to be kind because he wants to be known as a good person finally as the horse preacher in this episode says it is only when we show ourselves forgiveness and mercy that we truly live a life of Grace that we are reborn we cannot better ourselves if we have no hope for ourselves in the future but as I was saying earlier the grand gesture isn't enough as much as actions define who we are there is a common Trope in media for outwardly flawed characters to mistreat those around them for a majority of the show and then prove their love for them in an important dramatic act that shows that deep down they do actually care but at the end of the day it isn't them caring for the other person it's them needing emotional attachment someone to lean on or someone to curb their loneliness it's a selfish Pursuit and while many shows portray it as a wonderful beautiful thing that this inherently destructive person can find love the lack of consistency proves that these relationships are only surface level and don't really serve to the benefit of both parties I mean how can you call it love if the person doesn't think to treat the other one with kindness for a majority of the time and most of the time they are cruel in real life as boek says that grand gesture is not enough for most people you need to be dependably good to be able to build that dress between the two of you and these shows that have characters forgive others with half-hearted apologies that they then don't end end up backing up creates a really distorted image of what it means to be good in this world that you can simply be rude and crass all the time but if you show every once in a while that you care it's enough yeah nope it's not enough you can't expect people to forgive you over and over again if you never really change and continue to treat them the same way after those grand gestures and you can't expect those grand gestures to fix everything immediately because there are problems that need to be worked on and they can't be worked on by buying someone a present but all of these are pieces of the reason why bojack's apologies feel so Hollow there's no action there's only words and with less and less positive acts to back up those words they're only going to diminish in meaning especially when you utilize rationalization also known as the I'm sorry but technique which is something the show also teaches us a lot about admission of culpability and the accepting of responsibility is one of the most important parts of a successful apology the reason why bojack's apology to PC in season 6 works and is so heartfelt to the audience and is not just because he truly means it but also because he admits his past mistakes in the process and resolves to be better in the future he is honest about how dishonest he's been whereas when Bojack apologizes to Todd for Emily he says that he was drunk and high and that there was pressure from the Oscar campaign even if he did admit to sleeping with Emily he never admits that it was his mistake his choice of his own free will which is why it was so important for Todd here to clarify that it isn't drugs his career hollywo or his past that makes him this way it is his constant choices to walk down the darker paths and he can blame it on whatever he wants but nothing will ever change the truth of that statement or when Bojack apologizes to Holly Hawk after taking her to CD locations for drugs he says he's sorry and even semi admits that he doesn't need the pills but he kind of throws it away with this maybe it's true I don't 100% need need the pills instead of just fully admitting that he's becoming dependent he's also too scared to ask Holly Hawk for her help even when she offers it to him denying that he has a problem that needs to be fixed because he doesn't want to be a burden to her but ultimately he only sinks lower because he won't tell himself the truth and admit that he does have flaws that need to be fixed or when he goes to Anna on the aforementioned apology tour he pretty much just goes to say I'm sorry to make himself feel better while fully admitting that he has no idea what he's apologizing for it must be to make amends amends for what I don't know whatever it is that you think I did to make you disappear this is the most alarming thing about Bojack and his apologies they're just a default to fix whatever relationship is broken even if he has no recollection or clue about what happened to break it in the first place which you need to make a proper apology at the end of the day most of them stem from his inability to be alone and his need for attention and love from others he apologizes the most when he's lost everything he could distract himself with and he needs to draw those people in again even if he has no true intent on changing ing for them we even see this with herb as well when Bojack apologizes to him herb sees it for what it really is him trying to avoid his guilt and not actually admit that he made a crucial error in getting herb fired and was extremely cruel by not calling in the Years following I mean herb explicitly states that that is what he cared about more the calls but Bojack not being able to admit to himself what he did wrong for so long and denying that he heard anyone by saying that he saved the show repeatedly in season 6 I miss herb we all do sweetie herb Danny what difference does it make I'm just saying I miss him and I'm just saying it's not my fault he got fired so I don't know why you're complaining to me I'm sorry nobody said it was your fault well if herb really cared about the show maybe he shouldn't have what Ben Gay no that's not obviously I put my ass on the line for you people boj do you know how lucky we are to have this herb was going to throw that all away I made the tough choice what did you do destroyed his relationship with her there might have been a chance for reconciliation if Bojack just admitted to her that he had done something terrible and that he's ashamed of it and that he wants to change don't make excuses say it was your fault this is why I did it and this is what I'm doing to make sure it never happens again and then 20 years later he comes back to herp to say he sorry about quote what happened this wishy-washy way of describing Bojack directly ditching herb for the rest of his life is I think a big part of the reason why herb doesn't accept his apology and doesn't see it as real repentance it was ultimately bojack's decision and he needs to show that he understands that it was his fault to be able to demonstrate that he's grown as a person and won't do it again or won't hurt the people around him again at the very least but he doesn't he tries to push it off on the industry saying he did everything he could and avoiding the blame so that herb doesn't hate him but all of that only makes herb resent him more because it shows him that he still can't admit to himself what kind of person he is he can see that Bojack is the same selfish coward he's always been and there's a lot of exploration in season 2 about bojack's home life giving some of the audience the impression that his parents are responsible for his mistakes and I think Bojack shared in this perception for a long period of time as well that his parents were the ones that screwed him up and that well yes he is terrible it isn't his fault for being terrible his smoking his cruelty a lot of people gave him passes for it when this show first came out because of how tragic his home life was I think the later seasons do a much better job of dressing down Bojack cycle and showing more obviously how destructive it is to the audience and let's be clear I don't think this is what rapael Bob wburg ever intended to do with the show which is why season 5 makes such an effort to comment on how people have received Bojack and wrongly excused his behavior through filbert and Diane pretty much outwardly says this too at the end of this season that nobody is going to actually hold Bojack accountable he can't keep looking around expecting something or someone to push him into changing he needs to hold himself accountable he needs to review the decisions he's made in his life and realize why they were morally Incorrect and why they did hurt the people around him he needs to face what he's done and admit his mistakes so that he can move forward and change instead of resolving to be the bad guy he believes himself to be he needs to just be able to say I'm sorry no extension no explanation no excuse I'm sorry for what I did I know why it was wrong here's what I'm doing to make sure it never happens again and I applaud this show for depicting the many different ways that people try to escape the responsibility of their mistakes even if they are apologizing simply to repair a relationship because it exposes people to this idea for when others might try to do this in their real lives I think a lot of the audience might be more likely to catch those sorts of deflection due to watching Bojack cycle of abuse and then apologizing so visibly and repeatedly another thing that the show shows us about apologies and the nature of feeling sorry is that forgiveness has to be earned and it definitely can be but not through a single sentence through acts of kindness positivity generosity we see through Bojack that there is a chance for redemption in the eyes of your peers if you truly wish to do better I love the final episode for presenting a really calm but also unsure position where he isn't in a perfect place with any of his friends but things have certainly improved from their lowest point and all of them are willing to be there for Bojack and have a real discussion with him they each give him really important pieces of advice before we cut away from them too showing their genuine care for Bojack and that they believe in his future finally with Princess Carolyn Todd and Mr Peanut Butter even resolving to continue to be present in his life for that future it just all does a wonderful job at showing hope for the coming days that these relationships aren't over and that he can continue working on them and getting better that there is a chance for him to be better and to earn forgiveness from those he's hurt the most but it isn't something that happens immediately and it will take time to earn the full Trust of those people back by the time the finale rolls around Bojack has been working on himself including the backslide at the end of Angela and I think a lot of the characters around him can absolutely see and recognize that and I think this really Resolute effort that he puts forth in season 6 goes a way from most of the cast even Diane who ends up distancing herself from boek at the end she sees that he is going to try and be better and that's why she's comfortable leaving him and she is proud of what he's accomplished so far even if he scared her with the suicidal call in view from halfway down however while you can earn forgiveness the relationship is still different than what it was before and even me meaning the apology and having it be accepted won't reverse the damage you've caused while Todd and Bojack absolutely reconciled and clearly were on the road to becoming friends again near the end of season 6 there is a hesitance to get too close on Todd's part partially for being Hur again in some cost and all that we see that Todd doesn't really stand for bojack's Behavior anymore that patience and understanding that Todd used to hold for him has been completely exhausted so when bojack's old attitude returns Todd immediately removes himself from the situation for his own sake relationship ship can be repaired but they can't be reverted I do think Diane forgives him for everything he put her through by the series finale but she is still valid for not wanting to be close to him any longer ultimately while she's glad he's getting help and clearly doing better for himself she still needs to prioritize her own mental health and well-being and that unfortunately means distancing herself from Bojack and Bojack doesn't blame her for that either because he has finally admitted to himself the mistakes that he's made and can understand how he's affected others he actually is is sorry this time and because of that he supports the decisions his friends need to make to keep themselves healthy and happy and in turn they support him ultimately apologizing on its own is not enough you have to follow it up with actual effort with actual actions that give other people proof that you want to do better or else how is anyone supposed to believe you we spend six seasons with Bojack and practically at the end of everyone we end on a positive note with Bojack thinking that he might be on the upswing finally but because he never actually admits what he's done wrong moves forward makes amends with those people that he's hurt so badly and and correctly assigned responsibility to himself for those mistakes he's just going to repeat the same things over and over again but I am so glad that by the end of the series there is a message that forgiveness can be earned and while apologies can be Hollow and while they might not always mean something there is a chance for Redemption if you truly mean it anyway thank you guys so much for watching this video and if you enjoyed consider supporting us on patreon at patreon.com positv that's pit tvy there you can get all these videos early you get to vote on what you want to see on the channel and you get the unedited essays so you can see all my mistakes and you get the videos so long before they go up on YouTube it's such a great way to get more content for yourself for as little as $2 a month and you can join for free if you just want to see the quick video previews before they hit YouTube as well so go there for more content and uh all the support on YouTube means a lot to us as well thank you guys so much for joining us and trying to spread positivity throughout the TV world I really appreciate it and I think so far we're doing a bang up job so let's continue doing that and I'll see you for the next video let me know what you think it should be [Music]