Key Lessons from "Getting to Yes" by William Ury and Roger Fisher
Overview
Written by the founders of the Harvard Negotiation Project.
Main premise: Negotiation is not about winning or losing, nor about splitting things equally or insisting on individual ways.
Negotiation aims to find a solution that leaves both sides happy and maintains the relationship.
Key Concepts in Negotiation
Examples of Effective Negotiation
Library Window Dispute: Solved by opening a window in another room, satisfying both parties without compromise.
Cake Division: The person cutting the cake lets the other choose first, ensuring fairness.
Orange Split: Instead of splitting the orange, understanding each child’s need (fruit vs. peel) could have satisfied both fully.
Four-Step Framework for Effective Negotiation
1. Focus on Interests, Not Positions
Positions are clear but can be rigid, whereas interests may be hidden but are more flexible.
Ask "why" to uncover interests.
Talk openly about interests to foster understanding and cooperation.
2. Use Fair Standards
Objective criteria should guide decisions rather than personal opinions.
Examples include market prices, legal requirements, or mutual agreements.
Fair standards can transform conflicts into shared goals.
3. Invent Options for Mutual Gain
Brainstorm solutions without judgment to find creative resolutions.
Use differences as an opportunity for finding mutually beneficial solutions.
4. Separate People from the Problem
Visualize people and problems separately.
Be soft on the person but hard on the problem to maintain relationships.
Building relationships before negotiations can improve success rates.
Handling Difficult Negotiations
Dealing with Dirty Tactics
Recognize and directly mention tactics to neutralize their effect.
Focus on the issue rather than personal attacks.
When Facing More Powerful Opponents
Develop a strong BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) to enhance negotiation power.
Responding to Personal Attacks
Use negotiation jujitsu to sidestep attacks:
Look behind positions to understand interests.
Ask for advice when ideas are rejected.
Invite criticism to learn about their interests.
Conclusion
Negotiation is about working together to find a solution that satisfies all parties involved, rather than winning.
Final Story
In 1964, an American father and son playing frisbee in London demonstrated that asking "who's winning" in negotiations misses the point—the true goal is collaborative satisfaction.