Transcript for:
Understanding Biblical Manhood and Healing

is [Applause] Yahel Yu Yahoo [Music] [Music] sh [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] yes [Music] joshel is my [Applause] [Music] God is my Israel my Israel My [Music] Yah yah yah yah yah yah yah yah yah sh [Music] [Applause] [Music] yah yah yah he's my king yahweh yah he's our king yah he's our everything yah he's our everything yahoo [Music] [Music] isel God hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah halleluah halleluah halleluah halleluah barack barack barack barack barack yahweh barack yahweh halleluah hal yahweh halleluah hal yahweh halleluah hallelujah [Music] welcome to the presentation of the males during Pesak unleven bread 2025 [Applause] to the emote the aquote and all the children of Yasharel we represent the men the mighty men of Yasharel [Applause] men who are built by our battles formed by our failures but dedicated due to our devotion to the God and the allure of Abraham Isaac and Jacob my name is Mlec Moshe aka Dr howard and I I said and I represent the royal house of Malch with my two sons who are absent Caleb and Yahosa hallelujah [Music] i am Rory Thomas Starks representing the Royal House of Starks and my son Aaron Starks hallelujah i am Kanyahu bin Israel representing the house of Kanyahu and I also represent those whose fathers are not present from the house of B shama Torah hallelujah and that's what it means to present your body as a living sacrifice there's two prerequisites when you present something to the most high particularly your body it has to be kesh and it has to be acceptable living sacrifice men tend to be oxymoronic because how can something be a sacrifice but yet alive all sacrifices according to the Tanakh must be dead and that's the gist of the writer and the Brit Haresa in order to truly live for the most high you must die to self so this is the death walk we are always dying as we are are becoming being conformed into the image of his dear son all praises be to the most high thank you all for your patience as our media team uh is feverishly working uh to get things up and running but let's pray abhuru we thank you for these aim how good and how pleasant it is for men to dwell together in unity aba we come as the song that was ushered in this boker humble ourselves we come Aba with a bow down head with a humble heart and pray aba that you will speak to us we as men who are dealing with epigenetic trauma things that we have suppressed and we know that there's not such a thing as an unexpressed emotion what we suppress one way come out sideways it comes out in drug abuse it comes out in aggression it comes out in being short-tempered it comes out aba in being a poor financial steward what we lack in one area we crave in the next and Aba we are acutely aware that we are broken men much like Dwee said Aba create in me a clean heart and re renew in me a right ruach may you restore us as men we are on the cuffs of something potent something that is indescribable something that is ineffitable something abba that we cannot articulate nor explain we sense that there is a restoration of the kingdom of Israel and that restoration does not start with women it does not start with children but it starts with the head it starts with men so Aba I pray that during this time together that aba that we will acquies to your word your will and your wisdom this we pray in the name of our kinsman redeemer the one who really restores biblical manhood and that is our kinsman redeemer Yahusha yahusha Hamashiach it is so so let it be hallelujah so thank you men for for gathering for this pesak man gathering we're going to talk about quite a bit in a relatively short period of time it is our goal to subsequent to our encouragement to break you up into groups and we'll see how the ruach leads but I believe in that accountability is essential to change you'll never change you will not transform or experience transformation in your life as a man unless there's accountability accountability is essential to change someone who's challenging you perception unchallenged becomes reality when you are not challenged in your manhood challenged in your husband challenged in your fatherhood you accept status quo but we're going to show you through the scriptures how men were challenged to be the authentic man that the Most High created them to be and we haven't always lived up to those challenges the scriptures is lavish with exploiting our humanity as men we see Dawed we see David as a victor on a battlefield but a victim within his own home an open success david killed tens of thousands david a man after Yahw's own heart we see him as an open success but a private and an inward failure because there were some things going on in his home where his children many of them did not respect him one of his sons attempted to kill him another son was so driven by his own impulses by the seat of his appetite that he attempted to rape his own sister we see incest we see attempted murder we see all type of mental psychosis going on with Dawed so by the time he writes Psalms division 23 he said anoint my head with oil there is some thinking stinking thinking my thinking has been twarted my head need to be anointed we see Dwed as a man who is at the pinnacle and the height of his regime as king he can have people to come and go but he still was trying to meet a legitimate need illegitimately because all his life he was rejected rejected so much so that his father Jesse selected his nephew or wanted his nephew to be appointed king over Dwee we see Dweeed as on the throne and he's still trying to scratch that proverbial itch as a man he still has a need to be needed and there lies the problem we as men often have a need to be needed so much so that he began to operate in codependency is there anyone in the house of Saul wait a minute you are at the pinnacle of your regime as a monarch of Yasharel and you still have these questions and still have this internal conflict is there anyone in the house of Saul that I can show my kindness to and there we read the story and the narrative of Mphibbeethth and he invited Jonathan's son Mphibbeethth to sit at his table he's still at the pinnacle what he deemed and what you and I deem as a success he still was unfulfilled hopefully we'll get a chance to talk about the balance and you'll see as a balance because if you look over Yasharel and not just Yasharel as a subculture in this western society but if you look at what they call or label the so-called African-American male there's a balance that we must maintain when we look at the narrative of Jacob Yakob and you see where his wife Rachel was pregnant with Benjamin and they was on his way to Aphraath and the scripture says that Rachel had complications she was given what happens when that which you put in your family caused them to die the very seed that Yakov placed within his Isha cause her complications what happens when your intentions your ambition as a Hebrew man is smothering your family you're a big fish in a small pond and your wife and your children are dysfunctional and they build subcultures in order to cope with the dysfunction that you created as a man and so therefore we see that Rachel was dying with the seed of Yakov in her and it was a seed what he implanted in her is causing her to die and here's the challenge she's He's trying to get her to Afra to save her life he's on the horse rushing to get there but when you go read the biblical narrative she's in the back crying and who she's crying for she's crying for the man she's crying for Jacob now Jacob had to wrestle mentally between the horse and the wagon i got to provide i got to be a protector i got to take care of my family but his wife wants his presence presence provision provision and presence and often we as men struggle we struggle we have a warped identity in terms of biblical manhood and we think it's all about I got to I got to provide and and it's about brut and it's about protection and and I'm the priest and I'm the prophet that we forget about presence and the scripture says she dies right as she's given birth she dies and she named the son Benoni beni benoni means the son of my sorrow because you went there I experienced sorrow how do you juggle between the two how do you reconcile the two being a provider with the horse and being present with your family so much so that he has to rename the son from Benoni to Benjamin and Benjamin means the son of my arm or my strength as men of Yasharel how do we take sorrow and turn it into strength the oppression as a people for 400 years Jim Crow laws all of the external things forget about what's happening in the family dynamic because there are some external factors that inhibits you as a man and then there are some internal self-inflicted wounds that I want to talk about momentarily you got issues on the outside and you got deep deep issues internally and how do you balance that how do you balance that so let's talk by the way Ephra means Bethlehem where Jacob fell short Joseph didn't remember story of Joseph and Miriam they also was on their way to Aphrath or Bethlehem where one fell short and sometimes we as men we fell short he was almost there to save his family and just shy of getting to that that destination she dies and oftent times what we cannot face as men we bury thus he buried his wife in the desert in the sand all praises be to the most high um I'm going this is going to be interactive so you're going to see some slides and any man that would like copies of these slides along with the notes um I will try my best to make it available to you all praises be to the most high all right let's begin let's begin nope i don't want all that yet we going we're not going to go over that today because we already racing against time but I can give you all of that all right so why Hebrew men struggle why do we struggle some of it has to deal with society right is society bombarding on us is the the pressures of society particularly a society that is lawless now our identity as men should be much like Dwed told Solomon he gave him the blueprint he gave him and David had a lot of failure david was not the best example of fatherhood but he told Slommo he told Solomon "This is how you become a man." But what happens when you have you are in an environment that's the emphasis that works against the biblical framework of what manhood is unfortunately we have we have uh developed this westernized Eurocentric example of manhood and it has produced a residual impact from generation to generation but we're void so going back to the law statutes and commandments there's a lot of nuances that we don't see because when we read the script when we read the Bible we read it through the lens of our oppressor we read it through the lens of another culture and when we stop and look at it through the lens of Hebrew we see that is much more than what we see on the surface level in fact anybody ever heard of acrostics acrostics in fact when we look in Proverbs chapter 31 the ancient Hebrew woman when we look in Psalm 119 it's acrostics and acrostics is written in almost like A is for apple B is for banana C is for cat D is for dog it's the same way in terms of the Hebrew language the olive is for the ox head it's the ptograph the that itself you see a house the gal you see a camel or the back of a camel the doll you see a door and for them the ptograph said a lot about explaining the instructions of the most high and we're void of that so we see through a different lens so it could be from society and I'm going to rush through this really quickly so we can get to some very important things some of it have to deal with your fi family dynamics you are a product of your family your history your environment and come a little closer your historical decision- making you are a product of that now you can't change where you come from but you can change where you're going this is about transformation we see these generational things that are going on wait a minute david was driven by the seat of his appetite let's be honest we all men here he love women so much so go read the text when Dwed died they didn't know whether or not he was truly dead or not so what did they do took a naked woman and put it in a bed with him put her in a bed with him and when he didn't respond they said "The king is dead." But the buck didn't stop there because what was epigenetically in his DNA was passed down to his son the kingdom was screwed up historically because of his son Solomon couldn't control the seed of his appetite multiply wives among himself 700 wise 300 cockabines that all driven him to build temples and to venerate other gods he built a temple to Ashra he built a temple to Molech he was responsible or complicit and culpable of child sacrifice and this supposed to be the wisest man that ever lived but that passed down through the to David's inability to control his flesh this is why the writer in the Brit Haresha says that we are to gird up our loins with truth your loins is the seat of your appetite your desire for sex your desire for affection your desire for affirmation is the seat of your appetite and the writer in the Brit Haresa says "Gurt it up cuz it can be vulnerable loosey goosey." A girdle kind of holds a person tight it keeps things from being loosey goosey and we too must gird up our loins with Torah all right I can say much about that but let's continue so family dynamics is another factor some of it has to deal with your father you get your identity from your father you get your identity not from your mother but you get it from your father the Messiah said "I do nothing unless I see my father do it i say nothing unless I hear my father say it the DNA of a man and hopefully we'll talk about that is important because that seed develops and becomes an embryo within the infrastructure of a woman that's your seed and whether it's a miracle or a mistake it still look like you sometimes your mistakes will mock your miracles acts Abraham where we see Sarah and we see Isaac and Hagar and Ishmael is teasing and mocking the miracle that comes from Abraham but they both are his seed and you cannot deny any of them because they look just like you so hopefully we can reconcile your mistakes and your miracles and if I pan the room we all got a long laundry list of mistakes and the brethren said "Hallelujah." All right let's talk about this let's continue so a lot of this have to do with sin it had to do with breaking Torah there's something called obviously when people think of sin is either some what somebody have done to them or what they've done to someone else but there's something called atmospheric sin we have an atmosphere of lawlessness and when we transgress the law and the instructions of the most high remember a law is a systematic way in which something functions or operates when we break the law we lose all of the encoded information even the encoded information as to how to become a man let's continue so there are three critical issues that I believe that is facing men particularly Hebrew men number one is addressing the unfinished business of our past the past is first present with you in you the past is first present in with you in you in other words the real issue isn't your past the real issue is you because you bring your past to the present but what happens when you don't deal with those issues you don't resolve those issues of your past so now your yesterday year is compromising your future and although you are walking into the future you still looking at your past so you walking into tomorrow backwards yeah life is live forward but it's best understood backwards if you don't overcome some real insidious deep-seated issues you can say Shabbat shalom all you want you can align your your vernacular with all type of words and simp and haba and you can dress alike but you'll never ever be able to reach the optimum capacity that Yahweh has for you so what are what do we mean by a wound all right because we are dealing with wounds a wound is an unresolved issue where the lack of closure adversely impact and shapes the direction and the dynamics of a man's life unresolved issues that we swept under the rug that we haven't dealt with remember there's not such a thing as a unexpressed emotion when you suppress it one way it comes out sideways it come out in other ways so there are five wounds we're only going to deal with two today but again if you want my notes you can copy it just copy it right hopefully we'll deal with the absent father wound but that infects you that impacts you so no I just became a man myself i didn't need him and that explains all of the dysfunctions in your life because the most high us is the framework in which he created us in order to transform us the framework that the most high use to develop men to develop boys into men are fathers true story i think National Geographic did this story on where they imported into India a bunch of young male elephant bulls and they noticed that these elephant bulls were obnoxious they were acting acting as if um they were killing people and ransacking villages and killing other animals it was not typical for elephants to do so they brought a zoologologist in and asked what what's going on so after several weeks after the zoologologist did his studies he said I know what the issue is he said when you imported these young male elephant bulls you should have also brought along with you some older elephant bulls so what they did is went back to Africa and they imported some older elephants and within two weeks all of the chaos stopped why because what they needed in terms of their conduct how to behave came from watching another man That's why we read in the British that says you have 10,000 instructors you have a lot of moray who can teach you you have those who can break down Torah you can turn on YouTube and that's right [Music] read you have 10,000 instructors but you have not many fathers someone who cannot just expatiate and teach Torah from didacticism but someone who can walk it out who lived it who's living it that's important so the absent father number two is the overly bonded mother's womb and these are probably the only two we're going to have time for today the overly bonded mother's womb will impact or it will impede your progress from embracing authentic biblical manhood what my mama got to do with this your mama got a lot to do with this we're talking about my mama my mama dead and gone she been gone for 30 years and you still living with her within her impact it is crippling you as a man don't you talk about my mama i'm not talking about your mama but I'm talking about the overly bondedness she had with you and it stifled your ability to become a man at least manhood from a biblical standpoint your mama I'm not playing the dozens but your mama is equally responsible and culpable for your dwarfism as a man you have become dwarfed only half of a man that you should be and maybe your mama is equally responsible all right that went over really well let's continue the all alone wound most men die alone we talk about that a lot and have talked about that a lot on our prayer call all right and then the lack of Torah wound the lack of Torah wound and then a heart wound which we may not get through all of that so we got to address some unfinished business of the past we have to establish a clear and compelling manhood vision the worst man that you can come in contact with is not a man who doesn't have sight but it's a man who has no vision no vision for his family no vision for his life no vision financially and when you don't know where you're going any road will take you there but there's hope one thing that the Philistines did with Samson not only did they cut his locks but they gouged out his eyes that was a big mistake because when they cut his hair they left his hair follicles and men I don't care what has happened to you in your life what has went down in your yester year who you impacted and who impacted you your silent cries and your secret wounds when your change was strange your money was funny and your credit couldn't get it no matter what has happened to you in your life you still got hair follicles and as long as you have hair follicles your strength will come back and they go his eyes he had no sight but he still had vision so the Most High sent a young lad a young boy to be his eyesight some of you men are getting older some of you have don't have all of the abilities or the agilities that you once had that's why I appreciate Zakane Yavanut he's been pastoring for years leading for years in ecclesiastical circles and as he is waning in life he's not getting any younger the vision will always speak and it will not lie so the Most High surrounded him with a bunch of what he called the dream team could you all stand the dream team could you all stand really quick put you on spot are you missing one of them there you go in the back there the dream team he put a bunch of men around him that could be his sight for him that's important that's important all right we can spend a lot of time on that all right and then of course uh creating a high impact workable plan to return to Yuko we're going to do that so in boys this unfulfilled hunger is not only a feeling of emptiness but it's a feeling of living as a half of a person almost like the hamster on the wheel the faster you run the quicker you go nowhere this emptiness this void had the women and you still sense void had the cars and still sense void bought the house and still feel the void we have to talk about those issues in our lives that still make us feel like we are unfulfilled because that can be a dangerous spot because now you'll be trying to meet a legitimate need illegitimately because you don't know how according to the Torah how to take that energy take that unfulfilledness and to be fulfilled and the scripture gives us a blueprint for what that looked like all right so fatherless voice is thus derived or deprived of his map to navigate and translate the external world a father becomes that navigational map we'll talk about that all right let me pass by this because there's a lot we'll get to that hopefully a little later of course studies have found that father fathers experience an increase in hormone oxytocin and decrease in stress hormone cortisol and lower testosterone resulting in more sensitive caregiving behavior we'll talk about that openly mother's womb all right so I won't go over the facts we know that a lot of our ills in our society deal with the fact that daddy isn't there how many remember Lucille Ball all right i love Lucy she was interviewed by MV Griffin some years ago and he asked her a question he said "Lucille you have you know you're known for uh your you know comedic um skill set you've been in the industry for quite some long you're a very wise woman he said "What's wrong with our nation what's wrong with society why is there a breakdown in the family structure?" And she paused and she responded and she said "Because papa's missing." She's not known for her theological insight she's known as a comedian as an actress but I believe that what she said is profound things are haywire in our society because papa's missing because the engine is no longer in the locomotive someone I had a uh O ask me during Sakote why so many women in in great awakening leading like they all in the forefront they need to sit down and shut up no he didn't say that but we need to say why so many leading because our manhood is broken so the women become that essential contributor the Most High created the locomotive to to ease into the station but now women are pushing it because the engine is gone papa's missing and most of the issues outside of breaking the law statutes and commandments that you on our face is because either daddy wasn't there or daddy is inconspicuously missing so what we do is we build a subculture around our dysfunction i'm all right i made it i made it without him but you can't be what was not an open example to you so you make up rules along the way you move the goalpost and you say "Well this is man who it is now i'm a man see I'm I'm a man." And it's but it's not the standard for what the scripture tells us what manhood is all right so we know that most of the ills in our societies the sole single predictor is the an absency father how many remember um Jeffrey Dalmer yeah in Milwaukee right in Milwaukee he was convicted in 1992 right he was a cannibalist sadistic person killed many folks here's what his father said and so I wasn't there to see him as he began to sink into himself i wasn't there to sense that he might be drifting towards that unimaginable realm of fantasy and isolation that it would take nearly 30 years to recognize 30 years to recognize all because daddy was not there when papa's not there and I'm not talking about my daddy was in a house no I'm not talking about your father can be there but he can be inconspicuously missing he's there but he was too busy for you he was too busy but he was always doing ministry he's too busy but he's always at work he's been he's there but he's always chasing after other women and what you really wanted and what you really needed was not stuff you needed him and anybody remember Harry Chapman wrote this song The Cats in a Cradle and the Silver Spoon little boy blue and a man in the moon when you come home Dad I don't know when but you know we'll have a good time then he was not there for his father and for his son and the only thing that the son wanted was his daddy but his daddy was too busy oh we'll get together he kept pushing off and so when the son came of age and and the the the father settled down in life and wanted to spend time with his son his son didn't have time for him the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon little boy blue and the man in the moon when I get there we'll have a good time then a good time then let's continue all right i won't go over all of these charts and and uh the statistics i wanted to show you in terms of what the statistics say among us as men who are living here in the what they would call Babylon all right but here are some things that are are very important that we need to understand the glory of sons is their fathers the glory of sons is their fathers so we need to talk about this and talk about this in detail as we develop some traction all right so here are the presuppositions of biblical manhood presupposition is number one is first that manhood is a state of confusion we are confused you all remember the million man march people follow because they want a sense particularly us as quote unquote a minority in this context we're searching for identity looking for purpose looking for meaning you know amazing when men come into this walk you know I'm my own I don't try to be anyone I dress alike in fact you know I dress how I dress look how I dress but when men come into the walk they immediately they look for leaders This is why the writer in the Brit Haresa said "Follow me as I follow Hamashia." They're looking for some type of example particularly when daddy wasn't there as a Hebrew do I wear these is it mandatory that I wear these no what and they looking at how do I dress how do I behave how do I fit in they're looking for identity all right i'm gonna talk about that momentarily right but manhood is a state of confusion number one all right men lack confidence and who they are don't know we believe what we know but don't know what we believe right all type of unresolved issues a confused confused Hebrew men create more major problems they create major issues when you are confused when daddy wasn't there when daddy was absent you all read the statistics of the number of rapes that occur of the number of suicides nearly 80% of all suicides in our community happen among individuals who grew up in a single mother's home mother home what is the Most High trying to tell us even through the numbers through statistics is that confused Hebrew men create major problems confused Hebrew men go after idolatry confused Hebrew men lack in areas where they need to be strengthened in number three is I don't want to go over that yet that was an article but thirdly I believe that confused men also settle for less in life because it's a state of confusion you settle for life in life number four is there's no lofty vision for manhood what do manhood look like is anybody teaching me what manhood look like so I got to figure it out myself i got to figure it out for my homeboy at the age of 16 i got to figure it out through my pastor and he's in feminine himself i don't know what manhood and because we're not versed in Torah we are inept when it comes to what real manhood looks like all right so let's get this here so we got to create a vision for what manhood and then of course the Torah has insight and answers to all of the above the Torah the Torah the Torah the instructions of the Most High have insight into all of this so here is how the Bible defines manhood all right manhood look at First Kings chapter 2 and David's time to die drew near he charged Solomon his son saying "I am going the way of all of the or the earth." Be strong therefore show yourself a man show yourself a man at the end of David's life probably wasn't there for Solomon but now I want to teach you what a man looks like i believe that sometimes it is at the dawning of our our lives that we get it sometimes it figure it takes all of our lives to figure life out and by time we figure it out it's too late we're about to our eyes are dimming and we're about to sleep that long sleep but notice he said "Be strong." And that's great please pay attention to that be strong therefore show thyself a man keep charge of Yahwh your Alua to walk in his ways and to keep his statutes and his commandments his ordinances and his testimonies according to all what is written in the law of Moses that you may succeed in all that you do and wherever you turn And wherever you turn all right I think that went out um aim but notice he goes on he talks about what true masculinity looks like right and we see in the passage that is a foundation and I think it has a myriad of insight aim for what I believe what biblical manhood looks like number one he says "Show yourself to be a man." Show yourself now in Hebrew it is translated as to appear to come to pass to be or to become manhood is something you become you learn manhood through the trials and the adversities of life manhood is what you become we're going to look at first Corinthians and see that very vividly that when I was a child I did certain things but when I became a man it's a transition and the issue in our community is we have no rights of passage we have nothing as an indicator to that will move us along from boyhood to manhood so unfortunately you live in a man's body you're a boy trapped in a man's body you're clocked clock means whenever the trauma happened clock means wherever the the lack of development happened something happened in your developmental process where you did not become a man so your actions your sentiments your impulses how your actions your reactions and your family decision making isn't typical of a man you make it emotionally irrationally just like women cuz something happened in the process of your development as a man all right says show yourself in other words that word also means establish it means continue continuation if you do not bear the fruit of continuation we can draw suspicion of the root of your masculinity part of being a man is developing consistency i'm going to show you that in the British being consistent along the way because every decision calls for a commitment it's if you marry that woman to be consistent with her providing with the further family to be consistent as a protector consistency being consistent after all that's what faith is amuna it means not something that the Greek perspective pistus is is faith is I'm just going to hope for it and I'm just going to grab it out of the air and I can't see it no no no that's not the biblical perspective of amuna amuna is is your life bearing fruit of what you believe and are you consistent in it you don't believe me the same Hebrew word for faith is faithfulness the chief reward of your faith men is your faithfulness it's consistency along the way life will come to test you life is a timetested virtue manhood is a timetested virtue there's going to be a number of impediments there's going to be a number of obstructions along the way but can you be consistent according to Torah that's what a man is to be consistent when life isn't to be con faithful when nobody around you is can you adopt the characteristic I'm going to be consistent when I even don't want to be consistent right so he teaches us about Solomon in terms of masculinity right and he said "This is how you're going to succeed as the king of Israel this is how you're going to exceed." Right so he is to live out manhood and biblical mastery before he takes the throne as a king solomon will show himself a man if he is first notice the word let's go back to it if he's strong if he's strong now this not talking about that he has a physical physique like me right he's strong has nothing to do with his you know predominantly physical strength and to be strong but this is a internal strength it's fortitude i'm going to talk about hopefully really quickly the face of a warrior every man that's in here if you're going to operate according to manhood that the Torah sets forth you should have four faces a face of a king a face of a warrior a face of a friend and a face of a lover and without those four faces you fall short of the biblical description of what real authentic manhood is let's continue all right so of course carrying out justice being courageous to stand in battle and all these things but this brings us to our second mark of manhood and according to Dawed is obedience to Torah what there is nothing that develops you as a man quite like acquiescing and being obedient to Torah because the Torah in and of itself if you follow it develops you into a man it gives you all the moral characteristics what to do what not to do it gives you insight when you don't know what to do it gives you that moral conviction it gives you principles as to how to be a husband how to be a father manhood the blueprint for manhood is the Torah adhering to the instructions of the Torah and so masculinity is given by Yahwh to men and men must live it out biblically rather than perverting it and redefining it worldly and carnal or in selfish terms really quickly if you look on the screen there is a chart that I developed in terms of what me western manhood is so you can know how to justapose the two western manhood what a man is what a man does i'm a man because I got this car i got this i've got it but Hebraic manhood is not only what he does but it's who he is western mindset is competition with other Hebrew men but the Hebraic mindset is about community one has temporal power but the other one have eternal power one have personal rewards and self success and self and success but the other is all about others and it's about significance not just success or what we deem as success all right let's get to the nitty-gritty of this here let's get to the nitty-gritty of this and we doing well on time all right of manhood from a biblical perspective or at least from a Torah perspective can boil down to five basic principles these are humility what I learned as a man is pain will teach you what pride won't let you learn let me say that again pain will teach you what pride won't let you learn it's humility number two he control his appetites temptation can only occur when there's desiraability and availability if you desire something and it's not available temptation will not occur if it's available but you don't desire temptation will not occur can you control the seat of your appetite as a man because you don't want to think as a child think number three is protecting his family you show me a man who doesn't provide and protect for his family I'll show you a man who is an infidel providing for his family and leading his family what does it mean to lead your family so biblical manhood also these are three things that are very essential he pursues he pursues right he take he says take what I've shown you here in the garden we talking about Adam and expand it with the rest of creation that's what it means to pursue wherever you are pursue the mission of the most high and bring life to it that everything around you flourish provision you provide The Most High told Adam I want you to cultivate cultivate the garden what do I mean as a man to cultivate in other words I want you to take everything around you and make it better if your wife is tripping scripture says it's better to be in a corner of a rooftop part of that is because maybe of her own upbringing and her inability to submit but part of that is your inability to cultivate your responsibility as a man is to cultivate your wife your children and everything within the spirit of your influence because you as a man are going to be held accountable for how you steward your family cultivate make everything around you better cultivate you are designed to be cultivators even when there is chaos around you the most high wants you to cultivate it everybody say cultivate and you are designed to protect to protect all right let's get to these here manhood micah chapter 6 vers8 said "He has told you oh man what is good and what does Yhovah require of you to do justice love and kindness and to walk humbly before him." Those are key principles let me pass by so here's the point this is a very familiar passage to many of us we have read First Corinthians chapter 13 a half a dozen times notice it says the writer says "When I was a child I spake as a child i understood as a child but when I became a man I put away childish things it is my prayer that the most high deliver us from childish behavior and this is a difficulty for many of us we do not become a man or don't are not equipped to become a man because we're still a boy so environments like this help you because sometimes what you're currently demonstrating as a gift may not be evident of your call david was a good shepherd boy but that wasn't his calling it took somebody else another man to see in him what he couldn't see in himself to see the best in him when he only saw the worst in himself you're not a sheep keeper there's a king in you it is endearing when somebody sees a king in you and you smell like sheep dong but notice he says "I spake as a child i understood as a child and I thought as a child so we need to understand what a child is like why if we if we don't know what a child is like we can't justapose that or put that against the backdrop of what a man should be so when I spoke as a child when I thought as a child when I understood as a child when I spake as a child when I understood as a child when I thought as a child let's look at how a child speak you want to hear it here it go all right I'm going to skip past a lot of these here we know that manhood isn't about sexual over being sexually overconfident it's not about machoess or violent aggression or financial security but it's the ability to put away childish things to put away childish things all right so when I became a a man I'm going to skip all of that for you all is there's a way in which a child speaks according to the writer how they understand and how they think and the writer said "We need to put away these things." So in order to whatever a child is like we must analyze it and put it away in order to develop into a man all right here we go number one a child speaks without clarity anytime when men cannot articulate themselves they become physically aggressive because they cannot articulate themselves or every other cuss word you ever in our community they don't take for shut the front that's right these got don't and every other word they teach in Torah but every word other word is a cuss word a child speaks doesn't have clarity when they speak if that is a child a manhood what's just opposed to that is the ability to speak with clarity I'm not saying that you have to be a polymouth or you have to be this profound uh expositor but you have got to be able to speak clearly clearly number two a child speaks before thinking i tell my children put your mind into gear before you put your mouth into motion in other words a child doesn't consider the impact of their statement before they say it that's the difference between reacting and responding to react means I'm going to do i'mma say before I think about it but when you respond do you see the word responsible i'm going to be responsible for what I say and what I do manhood is not about reacting women do that but are you able to be responsible for the very words your behaviors and the very decisions that you make let's look at the next one a child I'm sorry go back a child speaks by imitating what he hears without understanding the meaning of it pick up everything everybody else say and don't understand the consequences of what he just said in our society we just pick up any words and we use it because it's trendy but we must understand the consequences of that all right so a child speaks before listening this is why we should be slow to speak and we should be quick to hear a child speaks without considering the consequences the consequences and that's why a soft answer turns away wrath i'm I'm perusing through these because I I got some other ground to cover a child speaks without considering the tone the volume or the quality of their voice children scream they didn't consider the tone so they ch shout at each other and according to the writer we must put away these things then there's a how a child understands how do a child understand a child understands and simple not complex terms authentic men know that it's not just that simple to jump in bed with another woman that's not your wife because she got a nice size bunka when you go through the deliberation process your mind take you through the deliberation process your mind looks for viable information should I follow Torah should I follow my flesh should I follow my my Torah or should I go after the buddoo i often say when people say me and our dogs I said well in what context you mean it because there's two type of dogs there's what we call the mut the mut will see a female [Music] dog and go after his passions but a train dog will do the same cuz he's a dog after all ain't nothing but the dog in me he also but he doesn't go after the other dog why because he remember the voice of his master that says sit stay he's a trained dog that's what Torah does to you and I not that we don't have the desires to some of y'all already here at Peso saw some women but what temper you and I is the instructions of our master all praises be to the most high so a child understands in the way that doesn't take warning in advance you have to tell a child don't touch that flame don't touch it don't touch it and what they do they have to learn by experience anytime you continue to do what you do and you know that there is consequences you want to know one of the reasons why I don't run around on moratana yeah because I love the most high first of all I don't want to break the most high heart yeah that's I love the most high i love his instructions but I don't do it because I regularly rehearse the consequences sometimes when my faith and my passion for the most high isn't working my consequences do regularly rehearsing the consequences could you imagine I go and and involve in immoral deviant behavior i got to look at my wife and look at her embarrassment across the country and across the world look at her bow her head down i got to look at my daughters and say "Don't you ever marry a man like me." Look at my sons and say "Don't you ever become the man I become." I have to look at all you men and say "I'm a hypocrite." I've been a purveyor and a moralist of the values of Torah and I consistently fell short and take the chance of losing everything we built over the last six years not because my flesh doesn't desire it not because I don't war in my mind but I do it I don't do it because I regularly rehearse the consequences that's why children have to be spanked sometime this is why we don't spare the rod this is why we give beat them and they won't die this is why because we're giving them discipline when you are you as a man haven't learned from the same pitfalls that childish behavior you have not become a man yet because a man no longer given to the childish ways let's continue he understands by observation and intimidate imitation not by consideration and read and and reasoning right i remember growing up everybody wanted to be like Michael Jordan i was raised in a Pentecostal setting in the car as a charismaniac i remember everybody wanted to be like um Fred Price they dressed like them everybody they they why be because they wanted to uh children I want to be like when I grow up who you what you want i want to be Spider-Man when I grow up i Who you want to be uh I I want to be I want to be a wrestler i want to be I want to be Hulk Hogan i And so they grow up learning by imitating others not by consideration and reasoning i can show you a whole bunch of people in our community who is formed in the light image and likeness not of the most high but other men around them right enough said about that all right so a child understands by repetition to reinforce behavior change to reinforce behavior change that you don't go around just making babies without having the responsibility of that a child understands by a need to be told directed and instructed a child must be taught limitations and boundaries you have heard me say before jail is reinforcement and forced upon big children it's a big play pin to give them boundaries to give them boundaries all right let's continue a child thinks that the world revolves around them nothing else matters but me we know biblical manhood is about otherness we have a western mindset that is about me myself and I but in the east it's about us and if men we really was to step up we would now develop that community aspect where we own our own unfortunately we spend money we don't have to buy things we don't need to impress people we really don't like we got money but we living in poverty pish pock pockish means little potter means production poverty is not having it's just not being productive with what you have we can't aggregate our resources and come together because we still think like children this is mine no this is mine and we haven't learned the importance of that yet a child thinks in terms of instant and immediate gratification without caring about who it hurt a child wants the candy i don't care who it hurts i want what I want when I want it all right a child thinks that the whole world is a playhouse right that all I'm just gonna play all day i'm not gonna work well if a man don't work he don't eat this sense of entitlement somebody owe me something and so many men fall within that category a child thinks of volume um doesn't think of volume but excitement excitement my children um when we used to celebrate the holidays we used to buy them gifts and all for six months caleb I want for Christmas I want this uh this figurine or I want this car set or whatever and the moment he get it he'll play with it for four hours and lose interest and never play with it again for six months he built up the excitement only for four hours because he doesn't think of volume he thinks of excitement it's the same thing we do with women or others we get this for our for our excitement and we don't bear any responsibility that comes along with the decisions that we have made all right all right really quickly to our observant men are responsible they put away childish thing acts chapter 8 really quickly this is about the unic really quickly read this really quick to yourself and tell me what you see about manhood because the Ethiopian unic can tell us a lot about biblical [Music] manhood and although he was a unic and probably that manhood down there didn't work manhood is beyond your genitals it's beyond your testicles it's beyond your reproductive organs so notice it says "And the angel of Yahweh spoke unto Philillip saying arise and go toward south along the road which goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza this is desert." So he arose and went and behold a man of Ethiopia a unic of great authority under the under Candace the queen of the Ethiopians who had charge of all of her treasures treasury and had come to Jerusalem to worship was returning and sitting on his chariot and reading Isaiah the prophet then the spirit said to Philip "Go near and overtake this chariot." So Philip ran to the unic and heard him reading the prophet Yeshiu or Isaiah and said "Do you understand what you're reading?" And he said "How can I unless someone guides me?" What characteristics stand out to you as a man that we see through this character the the unic say it again humbleness worshipper ah anyone else yes what else say it again yes i want to show you and sometimes when we read the scriptures we read it through a very shallow lens but there's a lot of nuances this is loaded notice that he was a man in authority and under authority accountability what makes you a man is your ability to be accountable to another man you remember the centurion the Mashiach said "I'm marveled at this man i'm impressed by this man i've never saw a man like this here's a man who's in authority but also under authority he can make a hundred soldiers." That's what centy mean 100 soldiers come and go at a snap of a finger but he still want to submit see the way up is down the way up is down don't tell me who you over until first you tell me who you under he's a man in authority and under authority then he has his sexuality under control yeah he was a unic but he had a sexuality under control he wasn't led by that member down there every time it peaks up it goes after it he's I believe the scriptures have given us a idea of what manhood is he has integrity with money he had the purse or the treasury of the queen he was trusted with the financial wherewithal of his sphere of influence notice he also was a worshipper he was going to Jerusalem during the feast day to worship hallelujah he know how to properly relate to women here's a man who was under the authority of a woman now I'm not promoting that all right i'm not talking about what happened to either and us we are uh women submit to us but what I want to bring out is that he had the right perspective concerning women many of us do not have the right perspective when it comes to women she's my possession she's this and this is why many of our prayers are being unheard and unanswered when you don't dwell with your spouse according to knowledge your prayers will be hindered why because the same way that Aba treats us as men we should be in be treating have the same compassion the same love the same gentleness to those who we are responsible for so therefore a lot of women you are married to are widowed that's oxymoronic how can you say that mleg Mushe my wife widowed i'm married i'm still alive i ain't going nowhere but whenever the responsible male is missing she develop a spirit of widowhood because the responsible man is present in the house but he's not there he doesn't not he does not know how to lead and then he was tore observant he was reading the prophet Isaiah and then watch this it says Philip said "You know what you're reading?" He said "How would I know unless you teach me as a man he was teachable." And you got to ask yourself "Are you teachable?" Right so the Most High is restoring image of a man and what manhood looks like i need to rush through this really quick so we are in the process of seeking and making sense as to why we are the way we are each of us have a story to tell each of us to some degree is a product of our past each of us in some way are controlled by the past until we consciously and willfully choose to break that control right so we're exploring the first five major wounds only two so pardon me we're only going to deal with two of those those wounds as we go forward all right first wound we want to deal with I want to bring your attention and draw your attention to is the absent father womb the absent father womb is a ongoing emotional social and spiritual deficit let me say that last word again it's a spiritual deficit not just emotional not just social but when your father has been absent or is absent it is a spiritual deficit that ordinary ordinarily met in a healthy relationship with father that must now be overcome by other means now you're trying to meet a legitimate need illegitimately you know why boys join gangs because they're looking for purpose they're looking for meaning they're looking for acceptance and that which you should have gotten from your father now you got to find other means to fulfill it let's continue so some of this is through what happens with a lot of men when you are uh we are faced with these issues no I shouldn't did that but it's fine that's fine no that's fine all right so some of the issues that when that that we deal with when fathers are not there is the anger and pain we it's sometimes we don't know how to explain this anger and pain that we have inside of us that we're dealing with right so notice it says fathers do not provoke your children to anger sometimes when a father isn't present sometimes a boy will have all of his life go through these issues and these feelings of anger and aggression did Moses have a father who was Moses' father not his father-in-law who was Moses as a Moshe's father who no aram was his brother who who was his father do we know do the text tell us we do so a short narrative of his mother don't we and she put him in the water and the bassin in the water and Piper's sister or Pharaoh's sister pardon me found him but what father did he have was his father actively in his life the the text doesn't tell us anything about his father being actively in his life and all what was Moses's issue anger anger killed a man in the desert anger hit the rock instead of speaking to the rock anger couldn't control his emotions so fathers you can provoke your children to all type of issues when you're not there bring them up with discipline and instructions and the only way you can do that is by being presently in their life fathers do not exasperate your children that they may lose heart you are partially not in whole but partially responsible for how your children turn out i tell my children that you we we as your parents we are the bow you are the arrow our responsibility is to point you in the right direction but it's up to you to hit the mark but the scripture over and over and over is saying that fathers are responsible for the makeup and the development of their children not the woman not mom but you are responsible says do not lose heart all right so anger the second one is extreme behavior when dad is not there father's not there extreme behaviors of addictions and obsessions they become addicted to things and obsessed with things they shouldn't be obsessed with all because they the father wasn't there i'm going to truncate a lot of this a inner sense of of lostness and incompleteness watch this even homosexuality because they're trying the love and the attention and the affirmation and what I call the steel velvet syndrome steel velvet mama teach you how to be velvet and to be soft but daddy teach you how to be still and you need a proper balance that's why he has given you two parents to balance between velvet and steel and when you lost an environment that supposed to produce that steel in you you become all velvet and you're longing for that steel so you have now same sex desires you're not looking for the same sex you're looking for daddy but that gets misconcred lust through what you think you need that you're trying to meet a legitimate need illegitimately through sexual pleasure through a touch of same sex which is a violation and an abomination to the most high we talk about all of the spiritual dynamics but we don't talk about the psychology or the sociology that led them to that david all of his life was looking for acceptance and he was king because Jesse treated him go read when the prophet came through Samuel looking for a king they went through all of his brothers but notice they mention another male who was that other male when you read the text it was his nephew his nephew was considered Jesse was considering his grandson to be king over his own son and when you don't correct those issues you grow up with a lack of meaning and significance all right I got to rest here so one of the things that's important that uh we must do and that uh boys look for they look for that time together that time together that time together is crucially important i don't want the things I want a time i remember I lived on Grace Street in the inner city of Detroit and for me my daddy wasn't there my daddy when I was um he was my mother was 14 he was 15 when I was conceived by the time I was born he was locked up in juvenile didn't see him for the first five years got out another four years went back to prison until this day he's in prison in and out of prison when he was out he promised me he was going to come take me to a Detroit Tigers game because I had to fulfill that lack of paternal presence with sports most men fulfill it with what I call the three S's sex sports or what we call scholasticism in which I did skasticism okay and he said "I'm going to come take you." I sat on the porch all day my mom came out and said "That ain't coming." That's what she said i said "Yes he is don't say that he promised me." First inning started i was listening to it on the radio he coming he coming we going to be late he coming by the seventh inning my hope began to Wayne my daddy didn't come that's still that left a hole in my heart so I began to meet that need through what I call I was over overly driven i didn't just get one degree i got six degrees because I was looking for validation that my daddy should have gave me when I got my first first generation college graduate my first bachelor's my second bachelor's my first masters my second masters my third masters every time I got a degree I thought I would be fulfilled but that only lasted temporarily i was on looking for other validation only because daddy wasn't there right trying to meet these voids so they want time together it's a fracture on a relationship with a parent of the same sex homosexuality becomes at an adult level a vain ostracized attempt to recover that which was fractured life skills right a boy want you want to know that you are able to give him life skills that's why the scripture says "Train up a child right train up a child in the way they should go even when they get old they will not depart from it." Right they want life skills um how to how to fix how to change a tire how to change oil in a car how to do simple things initially a boy is looking for that they're looking for that life skills how to tie a tie you'd be amazed how many grown men in an urban context don't know how to tie a tie because daddy should have gave you life skills how to how to open a bank account and how to check for that the checks and balances right number three every son needs from his father direction with the solid why answers why in other words you may not know all the answers but here's what he's looking for he just wants your philosophy how would dad handle this because at at some point every boy look at his father as a superhero i want to be just like my daddy i want to be just like my daddy your daddy can be a pimp i want to be like my daddy at that point they're looking for something so that's important number four they're looking for direction i'm sorry deuteronomy tells us that right uh chapter 6 in these words which I commanded you this day you shall not depart of your house but you should teach them to your sons and shall talk to them when they sit in the house and when they walk upon the way and when they lie down and when they rise up here's what he also looking for he looking for father's conviction conviction on life conviction on and how to model that conviction in life all right you will leave in your sons what you lived out in your home you will leave with your sons what you lived out in your home so it's not just what you say is what you do it's your convictions along the way now uh and the scripture said some things about that and then lastly your father's heart they want father's heart they need the fact know that you have affirmed them here are the three essential things that every boy needs to hear from their father want to hear it here it go first thing they need to know is I love you they need that affirmation secondly what they need I'm proud of you they need admiration i'm proud of you there's nothing like I often share the story Caleb um I was pretty hard on Caleb and my children my children destiny track was already laid out before they were born what they're going to do what their spiritual gifts are who they going to marry what college they going go to what degrees my wife and I kind of set their life their whole destiny track and we use the the scriptures to justify it well the Messiah couldn't come on and say "I want to be this." You know his destiny track was already established john the Baptist destiny track was already established so we did that i remember my son I told you if you ever missed the bus again I will hurt you and he had to be at that point he was before high school he had to be like seventh grade and I went out for work one day and it was cold and I opened the door and I saw my son in a corner on the porch shivering not only cold but afraid of his daddy's wrath lightning was going to bump the stump and I still can vividly remember that moment and it makes me want to cry my son was afraid of me but he also was afraid of disappointing me it wasn't until he went to college and praise the most high he'll be graduating from Morehouse in a couple weeks from now it wasn't until Passover 2022 in Mississippi that Caleb was there and the Most High was dealing with me and I wonder how many times I said I'm proud of him i gave him you got to do this do this got to graduate from Morehouse you're going to get your masters PhD you got to do this you're a black man in America you got to do this and I pro I promoted scholasticism but we went out to a restaurant right before the feast of 11 in Mississippi in Bville Mississippi and I poured my heart out to him cuz son you gonna be a moray son you going to teach this Torah son you going to lead assemblies you going to establish assemblies and my son as you all know is the um he developed the largest RSO recognized student organization at Morehouse has national international recognition for esports and when I found out his freshman year that he was got in in a stupid game son you playing stupid games that didn't help the relationship between me and my son it wasn't until Baseville Mississippi that I said "Son forgive me you don't have to follow my path you don't have to make your own path." And I trust the Most High i got involved in his world this boy has bought in in the last three years $180,000 playing those stupid games national recognition and I'm reminded of John the Baptist john the Baptist his father his father's father his father's father's father his father's father's father they were all priests but when John the Baptist came on the scene the scripture says he broke the mold and he became a prophet no longer a priest i trust the Most High the Most High is still going to get my son there but the Most High never said what route or what direction he'll take all praises be to the Most High it's important that a boy has admir admiration i'm proud of you then third they need you're good at something son you good at those games you good at doing that they need to hear that why because I love you is a manhood vision right it's important and I went through this a code of conduct i'm proud of you a code of conduct that you live by and then transcendent cause something to live for other than himself all right you're good at something that's going to produce and help somebody else all right so even we see the Messiah needed affirmation this is my son who I am i am well pleased public affirmation was needed all praises be to the most high all right all right talked about absent father's womb i want to get here epidemic no lance Amaro says some things that was in Time magazine he said something very important when Malachi says and he will restore the hearts of the fathers to the children i can't hear him what' he say blake for bus because he was lazy well because uh he uh cuz he didn't get up he he of times you know sneaking playing video games at night and not cutting it off like I told him and and uh he missed it but um I eventually took him to the school and I hugged him during that time but that that's important all right so we know that the Most High promised that he was going to restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to the fathers lest I come and smite the land with a curse curses come because fathers are not connected with their children they don't pass down therefore because the fathers have eaten sour grapes therefore the children teeth are set on edge so that impact is crucially important all right if you are a father make sure that your son has these essentials all right that um number one if you're a father it's never too late to close the gap never too late to close the gap no matter how old you are right if you are a single father or a father separated from your son by divorce or a father who has inherited a son through your marriage seek help and a sound strategy and a multitude of counsel there is safety if you are a son wounded by a father choose to touch his wound responsibly responsibly by choosing to forgive father he may be dead and gone but to forgive him all right so Hebrews tells us furthermore we had elderly fathers to discipline us for they disciplined us for a short time as seen to be best by to them but he yah disciplined us for our good so if you are a son wounded by a father's wound or by the father choose to um or I'm sorry by choosing to believe that Yahw has your justice right vengeance is mine said to most high right courageously seek reconciliation with your father if you're here and I know that um we are touching a soft spot because many of you struggle in some of those areas right all right let me get past this father this w I think I've really hit it here i know some of you are taking pictures but each of you will get copies of these slides and these notes but but it's important to reclaim that not only with your father but also with your son if you need to be all right i'm not for sure why it's repeating it's on repeat um but let me go through this really quickly should be coming here there we go overly bonded mother's womb here's where we're in with this overly bonded mother's womb what did I have to do with it well you got to be delivered not just from the physical bondness of a mother that's one thing separation when the you cut the apron string there is a separation when it comes to that then also from emotional bondedness the emotional bond of a mother all right I'm going to skip through all of this here i'm going to truncate all of this here pay attention to this picture because I'm gonna come back to this picture notice there's a son who's getting counseling notice his mother is right there with him when you look at any um type of I call it the feminized man all right and four types of women let me get to this really quickly let me skip past this skip past this i know you don't worry about it you you going to get the notes brother all right let's start here because this is better this will truncate all right so one tendency for boys growing up in such circumstances it is to rebel against women who are in authorities over them and become socially disruptive irresponsible in family and work commitments overly assertive about their manly prowess especially in sexual areas are leading lives characterized by violence crime alcoholism and addictions and addictions another tendency for young men is to identify with adult women who are 30s of the lives she went over that men become there's two responses for men when it comes to mothers right and when mother was overly bonded number one men become dominant and controlling towards other women again they try to meet a legitimate need illegitimate men become passive here's the other swing of the pendulum become passive and submissive towards women more Kanyahu do a great job talking about the lapidote how many men you see in the awakening or just here in our community where the woman is the most dominant she is the dominant character in the relationship what happened historically what happened in that man's life where he had become subservant to the woman he had become the lapidote so either there's two responses to this overly bonded mother's womb so a man's emotional stability is supported by two pillars an evolved father and a nurturing mom the problem is when these pillars crack they create instability in manhood and so examining the role of a mother and how at times her influence can unintentionally cause you to be wounded you're 55 years old now and you still wounded by your mother and your mother never cussed you out your mother never hit you it was in violence it was in abuse but her care for you crippled you as a man so other than a father no one has influence is what Dr henry Cloud and John Thompson said no one has influence more than your mother oh thank you for this award uh first of all um I want to thank my maker i want to thank God next I want to thank my mama very rarely do you hear I want to thank my father first but I want to thank mama and so mom goes deep within the male psyche deep in the male psyche they recovered a black box um from most of the planes that go down they wanted to see what did the pilot say what were the last words and more often than not a pilot's last words was as they were crashing "Mom." What has happened in our society where the first thing that comes to mind during achievements and accomplishments in life or at the end of life they would call out mom mom and her love for you probably crippled you in a western society more than it has helped you it is an unintended wound even good intentions from a mother can shape a man in ways that create life challenges some of your issues aim is because your mother was overly bonded and you think oh my mama love me and that goes against we have already provided this trajectory that the scripture gives us concerning it is the male the man that's responsible for the rearing of the children this society says it's women in the now the now organization national organization of women the founder is Virginia Melanch if you look in some NIV Bibles where it says he it takes the masculinity that pronoun out and it says they she even said it's not the presence of a father i'm sorry is not the absence of a father but it's the presence of a father in a home that's a destruction of the home these are feminists we live in a modernday Corinth in Corinth that's why Shaul will write to Corinth Aphrodites and others at the center manurvver at the center of the city they were feminists and they wanted to reduce what manhood is is an attack not against the most high but attack against your manhood and the definition of a manhood and so we build a subculture around dysfunction it's dysfunctional for a woman to take the lead you must take the lead as a man you must take the lead let's continue so some men love their wife but struggle with boundaries the lapidote she doesn't understand boundaries cuz you don't know how to give her boundaries you don't know how to deal with her emotions come a little closer come a little closer no come a little closer it's okay you must balance your life by saying no no is the great equalizer she may have a tantrum she may have fit but at the end of the day she going to respect you you may go through some hell for a month or so but remember what David said to Solomon consistency is the key they will respect you when you stand on your word that went over really well so our ability to say no steal from his relationship with his strong willed mother to tell my wife no is almost telling my mother no a man who never fully left his mother emotionally will turn his wife into his mother and leave her instead unresolved maternal bonds lead to control issues and adult relationships so there's two necessary breaks for mom number one there got to be a physical separation not there's a literal cutting the umbil ibical cord at birth that's one and then of course have you ever heard of postpartum blues a sign of the emotional difficulty mothers experience when physically separating so it's a physical the next one is emotional separation the transition from a mama's boy into an independent man how many of y'all were mama boys so man ashamed to say it right mama boys right mama boys and so here's what happened in in some Bantu's cultures to ensure that don't happen see this is a western thing in the east no no no no no no no no there is very rarely this thing called a mama's boy in the east in the in the west I mean in in the in the in the west but in the east a lot of tribes what they would do is the babies or the boys would be with their mother for a certain time so they can nurse and develop but they go through this ritual they go through this rights of passage that in the middle of the night while the women because they men and women slept in different two areas while the women and the the boy and the children is in one hut the men will put mask on their face paint on their face dress up and come in and ransack the place where the mother is and violently strip her out of the hand or strip the child boy out of the hand of his mother and he goes to the man's village and live there forever you would think that's trauma why would they do that but that's a rights of passage it's a way of separating from mother to become a man we have a challenge here in the US we have no real rights of passage as to how to become a man genesis says "For this cause shall a man do what?" Cut ties cut ties from his his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife a man can only be fully united with his issa if he has successfully detached from his mother it is biblical that you detach from your mother if not it creates the lapidote so how do we define the mother's womb an unhealthy emotional relationship with a mom that either makes a man fear female influence or cause over identification and submission to female influence that happened all too well how many of you know at least three or four brothers where their wife controls the house how many of yourself your wife control no don't answer that all right so the subtle nature of the womb unlike the father's womb a deep gash the mother wound is more like a paper clutch but it's still painful sometimes it's unrecognizable because you my mama loved me my mama was there when my daddy wasn't there but a common misconception if it's not about abuse or neglect it's not about abuse or neglect but it's the over involvement of your mother it's the excessive care of your mother you never develop anybody remember the Trojan horse when the Greeks wanted to go into to um uh go into Troy to conquer they built this huge horse right and gave it as a gift and what happened they had people in there and it's all out war sometimes you have to recognize what your Trojan horse is my mama was a gift but also my mama all being overly bonded may have been an impediment for me becoming a man at least the biblical standard of what a man to be all praises be to the most high so characteristics of a mother's womb is not blatant it's very subtle unlike the father wound it's not obvious yet it still bleeds is not about bad parenting it don't mean she was a bad parent it's not neglect but excess of care the wound is over attention it's not inattention it looks like love but over time it feels like control it feels like control so there's a path of healing and there are some healthy boundaries that we must it's learning to say no rather than stop controlling me and most of us can't fathom telling our mother no all right so so it's developed because absence of endurance of fathers void left by uninvolved father the modern trend young men raised primarily by women the men figuring out masculinity without male examples and the phenomenon of adult sons returning home to live with mom that should never happen not in a Hebraic context you soften him now four types of overinvolved moms the ignorant moms they're unaware that they're doing this the needy hurting moms right because I've watched where the son have become the husband because the husband left cuz daddy wasn't there so she's living her life vicariously through her male son the needy hurting mom unwilling to release moms strong willed and then feeling the gap moms single moms unintentionally overbond with their sons because of absent father she tried to do what she's unable to do make him out of a man um so you struggle with intimacy struggle with healthy relationships uh view women as threats to their independence and react and to suffocating control by being aggressive controlling or emotionally distant some men if you if I got to bam on the table and say "I'm the man of this house." You're not the man of the house anytime you I'm the leader you're not the leader i'm demand it because it's really your insecurity speaking more than anything else all praises be to the most high as I end here you will have a clear definition of manhood when we develop a new man language that language must be the language found in the Torah with our boys more Kanyahu is going through this teaching and I recommend that all men get involved in it in terms of sonhood manhood husband and so it's going to give us back some language that is essential because language is not just a tool for communication but it's a vehicle for culture it gives us the culture you will make significant personal discoveries about yourself significant personal discoveries about yourself and I'm going to skip through so I promise again you will get all these slides so that you can take them back and work with me and al I'm also going to give you my notes all 780 pages of them four faces of a man four faces of a man that you will become first face of a man is the face of a king we see that in the Torah this denotes what we call righteous energy righteous energy is you having moral integrity and in character as a man so when you go out of town and your east isn't there and you're in this hotel room and this fine young thing cross your path and she's downstairs at the bar or in the lobby and she's feeling you and she see the yo hey I ai across your chest or she want to play with your zitzios in more ways than one cuz they hanging low and you are being propositioned as a man and nobody will ever find out cuz she's a stranger your assembly won't find out your moray won't find out righteous energy says "I would dare not violate Torah." That's the face of a king and every man shall have a face by of a king what is that character characterized by strong convictions courageous moral choices i make moral choices when nobody else is watching me a servant spirit i'm here to serve and righteous leadership right so we see of course in Proverbs that but the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn that shines brighter and brighter until the full day many uh scriptures concerning righteousness that I put there number two is the face of a warrior this is conquering energy no woman should ever have someone who is a wimp who is feminized who has no backbone who's weak control you must your issa and your children must see the warrior in you she wants that confidence that you're going to protect that confidence that you going to stand up for and fight for her you must see the warrior we're going to see that when we do our uh presentation of the males but this shows initiative is characterized by protecting it's characterized by providing as a man you are the provider is by preserving your family and it's by fighting got to be a fight in you as a man right and we see talks about fight of faith etc then there must be a face of a lover you must possess the face of a lover the face of a lover what they got to do with it well this is I don't like this term but this is romantic in the English using um urban or using for colloquialism colloquial purposes we'll use the words romantic romantic energy the same way I talked about steel and velvet sometimes you can be strong i'm the man just do what I say woman shut your mouth and get in there and take care of them children go ahead i'm I'm a charervant man you follow me you go go clean my house go go go do this and you can be so abrasive that you forget how to kindly entreat her romantic energy is important to love her in you and we see this to read the Song of Solomon and to blow kisses upon her garden that the juices may flow thereof and the romantic energy as to how do you treat the significant woman in your life is characterized by tenderness to being tender sensitivity by sacrificial care by emotional openness i appreciate what the works of Jason Wilson and what Zakayan is doing anybody know what he's doing as he's going through that book and teaching that it does not hinder your ability to be a man it does not question your manhood for you to have emotional openness men die and they die alone because they have no outlet they can be vulnerable no outlet that they can have emotional openness with and typically when a man say he can't trust a woman it's for different reasons where a woman says she can't trust a man if a woman don't trust you is because you violated because of some type of infidelity uh with some other woman or etc and you have betrayed her trust but when a man say he cannot trust a woman it's what the scripture says he has he was vulnerable with his heart he shared some vulnerabilities and when a woman get mad she don't fight fair her mouth become weaponized and that which you share that was vulnerable is now weaponized against you so when a man say he can't trust a woman because he was vulnerable and emotionally sensitive or open and it was violated but you will die alone when you don't have areas in your surroundings or people in your surroundings that nurture you rather than neuter you and we've been in environments that have neutered us and not have nurtured us to say I still can be a cotish man a man of the most high and still have open emotional openness right physical affection etc there's a number of scriptures say that your prayers have been given there's a face of a friend connect to energy that's why we here this why we among men die lonely because they never been touched we often talk about deprivation dwarfism deprivation dwarf vision is when you don't get everything you need the perturator perturatory gland in your brain is not stimulated and you never grow and you never develop you become dwarfed and we see men who have been dwarfed emotionally spiritually psychologically socially most men we'll talk but you know what we talked to you over social media but when I see you face to face I have these awkward social dynamics that going on because we have been programmed and conditioned to die alone we got to change that narrative it's about connecting with other men connecting and being vulnerable right it's loyalty characterized by accountability because if I don't have that I have nobody to keep me honest nobody to keep me accountable other men would do that challenge that somebody that can challenge me when I'm acting a nut not somebody who go along with what I say because everybody in my house better go along what I say but somebody can challenge me and say "No no no no you wrong with that no no no you may want to re-evaluate that man I wouldn't do that you need somebody that's going to challenge you in that somebody you can have fun with kick it with be vulnerable with play Atari with do they still make Ataris all right so that's why we see the scripture said the free element at all times but a brother is born in what adversity all right iron sharpen arm so one man sharpens another one man sharpens another i got to get there so they can develop some ugly uh characters in our lives when we don't balance them properly right we have an abdicator or a tyrant so notice I want you to see something when a king is not properly balanced if you go too far on this side you become a tyrant i'm the king you do what I say i'm the king i lay down a rules for this house i'm the king of rock i'm the king there's no hire i'm the king and I make the rules i'm a tyrant i've been there with my family and on the other side if you are not careful with this you become an abdicator when you do not balance the face of a warrior one side you become a destroyer that aggression is too strong and you destroy the very infrastructure of your home but if it's balanced the if it goes on the other side you become a wimp a lapidote there's no fight in you notice if you are not balanced when it comes to the face of a lover one instance you could be critical super critical criticized all the time my family my children and my wife had told me and I said "Wait me you always criticizing us?" said "No I'm just I'm trying to tell you away." But it's not to them they saw it as criticism and I had to watch my tone because in I didn't think I was criticizing them but how they perceived it was so critical but on the other side if it's not balanced you can become cold and then the face of a friend when that's not balanced one side you become a become a loner just by yourself but if it's not balanced the other side you become a user you only want relationships to use people so got to be a balance and all those things right hebrew men today lack being a king without a king the warrior becomes unrestrained hurting lives including his own in the process of course our increasingly feminized culture have emasculated the warrior in many young Hebrew men the result has been the creation of a soft male who's indecisive as to the direction as to direction weak as to leadership so our world is in desperate need of a four-phase balance of a man all praises be to the most high i got about 50,000 more slides i won't go through that but we talked about a number of themes over the last couple hours or so we talked about what the biblical biblical definition of what manhood looks like we used Dawed as an example of what he told Solomon we went skipped to the Brit Haresa and we looked at how a child speaks and how a child understands and how a child thinks and whatever how a child speaks understand and thinks we must put that away in order to become a man a man is something you develop into it's not where we trying to go as much as it is the lessons we learn on the way there is the lessons that's more valuable than anything else we talked about manhood and manhood is in a crisis and manhood is a state of confusion and we talked about all the eels when we don't know what manhood looks like we're just going through the motion we talked about the absence of a father's womb and when daddy isn't there we have no and we have no paternal example of what manhood is all of our lives we become the proverbial hamster on the wheel the faster we run the quicker we go nowhere cuz I hadn't I had to figure this out for myself because I had no real example of what that looks like and we talked about the overly bonded mother's womb when mother meant well but she crippled you i'm reminded of Mphibbeethth the scripture tells us the narrative that when Saul and Jonathan was killed Jonathan's son Mphibbeeth the nurse grabbed him and she was running running to save him and she tripped and he became crippled at the feet cuz she dropped him her intentions was good but she dropped him there's been a number of things that have happened in your life that has dropped you i'm looking at men who love the most high but you've been dropped categorically rejected therefore you've been placed in the land called loadbar lo the bar low means no the bar means to speak nobody is saying anything isolated abandoned and deal with the spirit of rejection and abandonment all because you've been dropped as a man but there is hope because the king is calling you the king was calling st zeba means to be planted zeba go get Mibbeth he didn't ask his condition he didn't act he wasn't concerned about his lack of mobility he just wanted him to come sit at the king's table and when you sit at the king's table nobody is looking at your feet men come where the table of Yahwh is spread and the feast of Yahwh is going on nobody notices your feet all praises be to the most high y