Lecture Notes: The Concept of the "Dead Mother"

Introduction

• Speaker: Sam Baknin, author of Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited
• Focus: Psychological impact of "dead mothers" on their children (emotional, mental, psychological).
• Constructs introduced by Andre Green in the 1980s.

Structure of the Lecture

• Part 1: For laymen - effects of dead mothers on children.
• Part 2: Professional analysis of the dead mother complex.

Concept of the Dead Mother

• Originated by Andre Green (1980) referring to mothers who are emotionally unavailable.
• Distinction between physical death and emotional deadness.
• Affects of dead mothers include lack of devotion, selflessness, and unconditional love.

Recommended Reading

1. Life Narcissism, Death Narcissism by Andre Green (2001)
2. The Dead Mother by Gregorio Kohon (1999)

Distinction Between Dead Mother and Dead Father

• Dead Father: Introduced by Joyce McDougall (1989); refers to physical absence and emotional detachment.
• Different impacts on children compared to dead mothers.

Characteristics of the Dead Mother

• Emotional unavailability leads to:
  • Narcissistic Traits: Absorption in self; inability to foster connection.
  • Borderline Traits: Instability, impulsiveness, fear of abandonment.
  • Psychotic Traits: Distortion of reality, delusions, lack of engagement.

Types of Dead Mothers

1. Borderline Mother

• Instability in relationships; mood swings; anxiety around abandonment and engulfment.
• Creates an unsafe environment leading to anxiety in children.
• Leads to difficulty in forming stable identities and self-worth.

2. Narcissistic Mother

• Self-absorbed, seeks validation through the child.
• Neglects the child's needs while demanding admiration.
• Child learns to suppress their own needs, leading to a false self.

3. Psychotic Mother

• Engages in disorganized thinking and behavior.
• Creates a chaotic environment where the child must navigate between reality and the mother's distorted perceptions.
• Child may develop delusions or a sense of superiority based on the mother's beliefs.

Effects on Children

• Emotional detachment; inability to form healthy relationships; attachment disorders.
• Potential for developing narcissistic or borderline traits based on maternal influence.
• Lifelong impacts related to self-image and interpersonal relationships.

The Dead Mother Complex

• Defined by Andre Green as a phenomenon where a child identifies with a mother who is absent emotionally.
• Leads to "transference depression" in therapy, reflecting childhood experiences of loss and abandonment.
• Children internalize the "dead mother" and replicate these behaviors in adult relationships.

Conclusion

• Emotional death of the mother results in deadness in the child, perpetuating cycles of emotional trauma.
• The lecture emphasizes the importance of addressing these issues for psychological well-being.