Percy Jackson and the Olympians book one the lightning thief by Rick Rhoden chapter one I accidentally vaporize my pre-algebra teacher look I didn't want to be a half-blood if you're reading this because you think you might be one my advice is close this book right now believe whatever lie your mom and your dad told you about your birth and try to lead a normal life being a half-blood is dangerous it's scary most of the time it gets you killed in painful nasty ways if you're a normal kid reading this because you think it's fiction great read on I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened but if you recognize yourself in these pages if you feel something stirring inside stop reading immediately you might be one of us and once you know that it's only a matter of time before they sense it too and they'll come for you don't say I didn't warn you my name is Percy Jackson I'm 12 years old until a few months ago I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York am i a troubled kid yeah you could say that I could start at any point in my short miserable life to prove it but things really started going bad last May when our sixth grade class took a field trip to Manhattan twenty-eight mental case kids and two teachers on a yellow school bus heading to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to look at ancient Greek and Roman stuff I know it sounds like torture most Yancey field trips were but mr. Brunner our Latin teacher was leading this trip so I had hopes mr. Brunner was this middle-aged guy in a motorized wheelchair yet thinning hair and a scruffy beard and a frayed tweed jacket which always smelled like coffee you wouldn't think he'd be cool but he told stories and jokes and let us play games in class he also had this awesome collection of Roman armor and weapons so he was the only teacher whose class didn't put me to sleep I hope the trip would be okay at least I hope that for once I wouldn't get in trouble boy was I wrong see bad things happen to me on field trips like in my fifth grade school when we went to the Saratoga battlefield I had this accident with a Revolutionary War cannon I wasn't aiming for the school bus but of course I got expelled anyway and before that at my fourth-grade school we took a behind-the-scenes tour of the marine world shark pool I sort of hit the wrong lever on the catwalk in our class took an unplanned swim and the time before that well you get the idea this trip I was determined to be good all the way into the city I had to put up with Nancy Bobo fit the freckly redheaded collect a maniac girl hitting my best friend Grover in the back of the head with chunks of peanut butter and ketchup sandwich Grover was an easy target he was scrawny he cried when he got frustrated he must have been held back several grades because he was the only sixth grader with acne in the start of a wispy beard in his chin on top of all that he was crippled he had a note excusing him from PE for the rest of his life because he had some kind of muscular disease in his legs he walked funny like every step hurt him but don't let that fool you you should have seen him run when it was enchilada day in the cafeteria anyway Nancy Bobo fit was throwing wads of sandwich that stuck in his curly brown hair and she knew I couldn't do anything back to her because I was already on probation the headmaster had threatened me with death by in-school suspension if anything bad embarrassing or even Maude lis entertaining happened on this trip I'm going to kill her I mumbled Grover tried to calm me down it's okay I like peanut butter he dodged another piece of Nancy's lunch that's it I started to get up but Grover pulled me back into my seat you're already on probation he reminded me you know who'll get blamed if anything happens looking back on it I wish I Dec Nancy Bobo fit right then and there in-school suspension would have been nothing compared to the mess I was about to get myself into mr. Brunner led the museum tour he rode up front in his wheelchair guiding us through the big echoey galleries passed marble statues and glass cases full of really old black and orange pottery it blew my mind of the stuff that survived for 2,000 3,000 years he gathered us around a 13 foot tall stone column with a big Sphinx on the top and started telling us how it was a grave marker a steel for a girl about our age he told us about the carvings on the sides I was trying to listen to what he had to say because it was kind of interesting but everybody around me was talking and every time I told them to shut up the other teacher chaperone mrs. Dodds would give me the evil eye mrs. Dodds was this little math teacher from Georgia who always wore a black leather jacket even though she was 50 years old she looked me enough to ride a Harley right into your locker she'd come to Yancey halfway through the year when her last math teacher had a nervous breakdown from her first day mrs. Dodds love Nancy boba fett and figured I was devil spawn she would point a crypt finger at me and say now ha me real sweet and I knew I was going to get after-school detention for a month one time after she'd made me raise answers out of old math workbooks until midnight I told Grover I didn't think mrs. Dodge was human he looked at me real serious and said you're absolutely right mr. Bruner kept talking about Greek funeral art finally Nancy bobba fett snickered something about the naked guy on the steel and I turned around and said will you shut up it came out louder than I meant it to the whole group laughed mr. Brunner stopped his story mr. Jackson he said did you have a comment my face was totally red I said no sir mr. Brunner pointed to one of the pictures on the steel perhaps you'd like to tell us what this picture represents I looked at the carving and fell a flush of relief because I actually recognized it that's Chronos eating his kids right yes mr. Berner said obviously not satisfied and he did this because well I racked my brain to remember Chronos was the king God and God mr. Brunner asked Titan I corrected myself and he didn't trust his kids who were the gods so umm Chronos ate them right but his wife hid baby Zeus and gave Chronos a rock to eat instead and later when Zeus grew up he tricked his dad Kronos into barfing up his brothers and sisters you said one of the girls behind me and so there was this big fight between the gods and the Titans I continued and the gods won some Snickers from the group behind me Nancy boba fett mumbled to a friend like we're going to use this in real life like it's going to stay on our job applications please explain what Chronos ate his kids and why mr. Jackson Brunner said to paraphrase Miss Boba Fett's excellent question does this matter in real life busted Grover muttered shut up Nancy hissed her face even brighter red than her hair at least Nancy got packed too mr. runner was the only one who ever caught her saying anything wrong he had radar ears I thought about his question and shrugged I don't know sir I see mr. Brunner looked disappointed well half credit mr. Jackson Zeus did indeed feed Cronus a mixture of mustard and wine which made him disgorges of the five children who of course being immortal gods had been living and growing up completely undigested in the Titans stomach the gods defeated their father sliced into pieces with his own scythe and scatter juice remains into de terras the darkest part of the underworld on that happy note it's time for lunch mrs. Dodds would you lead us back outside the class drifted off the girls holding their stomachs the guys pushing each other around and acting like doofuses Grover and I were about to follow when mr. Brunner said mr. Jackson I knew that was coming I talked her over to keep going then I turned to Ward mr. Brunner sir mr. Brunner had this look that wouldn't let you go intense brown eyes that could have been a thousand years old and had seen everything you must learn the answer to my question mr. Brunner told me about the Titans about real life and how your studies applied to it Oh what you learned from me he said is vitally important I expect you to treat it as such I will accept only the best from you Percy Jackson I wanted to get angry this guy pushed me so hard I mean sure it was kind of cool on tournament days when he dressed up in a suit of Roman armor and shouted what-ho and challenged us swordpoint against chalk to run to the board name every Greek and Roman person who had ever lived and their mother and what God they worshiped but mr. Brunner expected me to be as good as everybody else despite the fact that I have dyslexia and attention deficit disorder and I've never made above a c-minus in my life no he didn't expect me to be as good he expected me to be better and I just couldn't learn all those names and facts much less spell them correctly I mumbled something about trying harder well mr. Brunner took one long sad look at the steel like he'd been at this girl's funeral he told me to go outside and eat my lunch the class gathered on the front steps of the museum where we could watch the foot traffic along Fifth Avenue overhead a huge storm was brewing with clouds blacker than I'd ever seen over the city I think it maybe it was global warming or something because the weather all across New York State had been weird since Christmas we had massive snowstorms flooding wildfires from lightning strikes I wouldn't have been surprised if this was a hurricane blowing in nobody else seemed to notice some of the guys were pelting pigeons with lunchable crackers Nancy Bobo fit was trying to pickpocket something from a lady's purse and of course mrs. dodge wasn't seeing a thing Grover and I sat on the edge of the fountain away from the others we thought that maybe if we did that everybody wouldn't know we were from that school the school for loser freaks who couldn't make it elsewhere detention Grover asked nah I said not from Brunner I just wish he'd lay off me sometimes I mean I'm not a genius Grover didn't say anything for a while then when I thought he was going to give me some deep philosophical comment to make me feel better he said can I have your Apple I didn't have much of an appetite so I let him take it I watched the streaming of cabs going down Fifth Avenue and thought about my mom's apartment only a little ways uptown from where we sat I hadn't seen her since Christmas I wanted so bad to jump in a taxi and head home she'd hug me and be glad to see me but she'd also be disappointed she'd send me right back to Yancey remind me that I had to try harder even if this was my sixth school in six years and I was probably going to get kicked out again I wouldn't be able to stand the sad look she'd give me mr. Brunner parked his wheelchair at the base of the handicap ramp he ate celery while he read a paperback novel a red umbrella stuck up from the back of his chair making it look like a motorized cafe table I was about to unwrap my sandwich when Nancy bobafet appeared in front of me with her ugly friends I guess she gotten tired of stealing from the tourists and dumped her half eaten lunch in Grover's lab oops she grinned at me with her crook teeth her freckles were orange as if somebody had spray-painted her face with liquid Cheetos I tried to stay cool the school counselor had told me a million times count to ten get control of your temper but I was so mad my mind went blank a wave roared in my ears I don't remember touching her but the next thing I knew Nancy was sitting on her butt in the fountain screaming her they pushed me mrs. Dodds materialized next to us some of the kids were whispering did you see the water like he grabbed her I didn't know what they were talking about all I knew was that I was in trouble again as soon as mrs. Don's was sure poor little Nancy was okay promising to get her a new shirt of the museum gift shop etc etc mrs. Dodds turned on me there was a triumphant fire in her eyes as if I'd done something she'd been waiting for all semester now honey I know I grumbled a month or raising work books that wasn't the right thing to say come with me mrs. Dodd said wait Grover yelped it was me I pushed her I stared at him stunned I couldn't believe he was trying to cover for me mrs. Dodd scared Grover to death she glared at him so hard his whiskery chin trembled I don't think so mr. Underwood she said but you will stay here Grover looked at me desperately it's okay man I told him thanks for trying honey mrs. dogs barked at me now Nancy Boba Fett's smirked I gave her my deluxe I'll kill you later stare then I turned to face mrs. Dodds but she wasn't there she was standing in the museum entrance way at the top of the steps gesturing impatiently at me - come on how'd she get there so fast I have moments like that a lot when my brain falls asleep or something and the next thing I know I've missed something as if a puzzle piece fell out of the universe and left me staring at the blank place behind it the school counselor told me this was part of the ADHD my brain misinterpreting things I wasn't so sure I went after mrs. Dodds halfway up the steps I glanced back at Grover he was looking pale cutting his eyes between me and mr. Brunner like he wanted mr. Brunner to notice what was going on but mr. Brunner was absorbed in his novel I looked back up mrs. Dawes had disappeared again she was now inside the building at the end of the entrance hall ok I thought she's going to make me buy a new shirt for Nancy at the gift shop but apparently that wasn't the plan I followed her deeper into the museum when I finally caught up to her we were back in the Greek and Roman section except for us the gallery was empty mrs. Dodd stood with her arms crossed in front of a big marble frieze of the Greek gods she was making this weird noise in her throat like growling even without the noise I would have been nervous it's weird being alone with a teacher especially mrs. Dodds something about the way she looked at the frieze as if she wanted to pulverize it you have been giving us problems honey she said I did the safe thing I said yes ma'am she tugged on the cuffs of her leather jacket did you really think you would get away with it the look in her eyes was beyond mad it was evil she's a teacher I thought nervously it's not like she's going to hurt me I said I'll I'll try harder ma'am Thunder shook the building we are not fools Percy Jackson mrs. Dodd said it was only a matter of time before we found you out confess and you will suffer less pain I didn't know what she was talking about all I could think of was that the teachers must have found the illegal stash of candy I've been selling out of my dorm room or maybe they'd realized I got my essay on Tom Sawyer from the internet without ever reading the book and now that we're going to take away my grade or worse they were going to make me read the book well she demanded ma'am I don't your time is up she hissed then the weirdest thing happened her eyes began to glow like barbecue coals her fingers stretched turning into talons her jacket melted into large leathery wings she wasn't human she was a shriveled hag with bat wings and claws in a mouthful of yellow fangs and she was about to slice me to ribbons then things got even stranger mr. Brunner who've been out from the museum a minute before will his chair into the doorway of the gallery holding a pen in his hand what Oh he shouted and tossed the pen through the air mrs. Dodd lunged at me with a Yelp I dodged and felt Talent slash the air next to my ear I snatched the ballpoint pen out of the air but when it hit my hand it wasn't a pen anymore it was a sword mr. burners bronze sword which he always used on tournament days mrs. Dodd spun toward me with a murderous look in her eyes my knees were jelly my hands were shaking so bad I almost dropped the sword she snarled die honey and she flew straight at me absolute terror ran through my body I did the only thing that came naturally I swung the sword the metal blade hit her shoulder and passed clean through her body as if she were made of water mrs. dance was a sand castle and a power fan she exploded into yellow powder vaporized in the spawn leaving nothing but the smell of sulfur and a dying screech and a chill of evil in the air as if those two glowing red eyes were still watching me I was alone there was a ballpoint pen in my hand mr. Brunner wasn't there nobody was there but me my hands were still trembling my lunch must have been contaminated with magic mushrooms or something had I imagined the whole thing I went back outside it had started to rain Rover was sitting by the fountain a museum map tented over his head Nancy Buffett was still standing there soaked from her swim in the fountain grumbling to her ugly friends when she saw me she said I hope mrs. curb lift your butt I said who our teacher duh I blinked we had no teacher named mrs. Kerr I asked Nancy what she was talking about she just rolled her eyes and turned away I asked Grover where mrs. Don's was he said who but he paused first and he wouldn't look at me so I thought he was messing with me not funny man I told him this is serious Thunder boomed overhead I saw mr. Bruner sitting under his red umbrella reading his book as if he'd never moved I went over to him he looked up a little distracted ah that would be my pen please bring your own writing utensils in the future mr. Jackson I handed mr. Brunner his pen I hadn't even realized I was still holding it sir I said where's mrs. Dodds he stared at me blankly who the other chaperone mrs. Dodds the pre-algebra teacher he frowned and set forward looking mildly concerned Percy there is no mrs. dartt on this trip as far as I know there has never been a mrs. dogs at Yancy Academy are you feeling alright