Lecture Notes on Anger Management and Conflict Resolution

Introduction

• Speaker has a personal connection with Pastor Lee and Jane.
• Mention of a book by Pastor Lee: School of the Spirit.
  • Speaker's background: Grew up in a church without mention of Jesus.
  • First heard the name of Jesus at a Baptist church.
  • Learned about and received the Holy Spirit at 21.
  • Holy Spirit has a transformative effect on his life.
  • Recommends Pastor Lee's book on the Holy Spirit for Christians seeking a fuller spiritual life.

Main Topic: Disarming Anger and Resolving Conflicts

• Focus on relationships, especially marriages.
• Anger is a natural emotion and will occur in relationships.
• Importance of processing anger rather than avoiding it.

Personal Anecdotes

• Speaker's Background: Dysfunctional family dynamics.
  • Stoic family: Anger was expressed through silence.
  • Wife's family: Expressive, vocal about anger.
• Personal story about a date with his wife, Karen, highlighting differences in handling anger.
  • Conflict over late arrival to dinner led to a humorous incident.

The Four Don'ts of Dealing with Anger

1. Don't Deny Your Anger
   • Anger is normal and healthy; even God gets angry.
   • Suppressing anger can lead to health and emotional issues.
   • Create an atmosphere of honesty and openness.
2. Don't Justify Sin Because You're Angry
   • Trust God and do not let anger lead to sin.
   • The Holy Spirit helps manage emotions.
3. Don't Go to Bed on Your Anger
   • Unresolved anger destroys intimacy and opens the door for the devil (slanderer).
   • Devil proof your marriage by resolving anger before sleep.
4. Don't Let the Devil Into Your Marriage
   • Unresolved anger gives the devil a foothold.
   • Importance of addressing anger to prevent slander from the devil.

Conflict Resolution Steps

1. Confront Lovingly
   • Start with a positive and loving tone.
   • Avoid starting with harsh words.
2. Complain, Don't Criticize
   • Complaining is about expressing personal feelings.
   • Criticizing is about attacking the other person.
3. Listen and Believe
   • Be open to your spouse's perspective.
   • Believe their responses unless proven otherwise.
4. Forgive and Let Go
   • True forgiveness means not bringing up past issues.
   • Bless those who have wronged you.

Conclusion

• Commitment to handling anger biblically strengthens marriages and families.
• Prayer for help from the Holy Spirit to manage anger and improve relationships.

Key Takeaways

• Anger is inevitable in relationships; it needs to be processed healthily.
• Spiritual and emotional health is improved by resolving anger before it festers.
• Use conflict resolution techniques to maintain loving and supportive relationships.