Hi guys it's Tana Mongeau Welcome to my channel or welcome back to my channel I am not ready for today's video this does not feel real I already know I can be as vulgar as possible in today's video Because there is no chance that this is going to be monetized It's definitely going to piss off some people on my management team It's definitely going to piss off some future companies that i'm gonna work with It's definitely gonna piss off everybody at my network It's definitely gonna piss off a lot of people Today's video is going to be a rant/story time That I have wanted to film for almost two years now I've sat down and filmed this story in its entirety this rant in its entirety Literally, at least ten times and I've edited all the way, and I'll be about to upload it and I just won't And I pussy out every single time But, today I'm finally ready to sit down and tell you guys So much shit, that I've been keeping from you That I've been keeping my little mouth closed, that I've been biting my tongue Trying to be brand friendly, mother fucking, nice little girl about And I just can't do it anymore Today's video is going to be very, very, long rant And I already know that this is going to be one of my longest video to date so I just want to hop right into the video This isn't one of those videos where I'm going to tell you guys to subscribe, or whatever the fuck in the beginning I just want to tell this story I just want to talk about this I've wanted to talk about this for so fucking long Todays video is going to be about why I will not be attending Vidcon 2018 slash, why I don't fuck with Vidcon Thats a heavy statement and I definitely think when I say that to back myself up and I need to explain why I'm not going to lie I'm very nervous I'm going to be very scatter-brained and I'm probably going to be extremely fucking vulgar so strap your seat belts on. Let's get started with a good old fashioned Tana Mongeau rant/story time video I decided like two years ago I wanted to take a break on doing rants Because I'm definitely somebody who advocates for nothing but positivity And I felt like doing rants about like Target workers and like random daily minor inconveniences was very redundant upon my message of positivity, so I told myself If I was ever going to do a rant video again, it would need to be for a very very very good reason. And so this is about two years worth of anger So I think it's gonna be a pretty good mother fucking rant video. Let's get started. Now I'm gonna give you guys a little bit of backstory really quickly, I've talked about this a lot before, I'll probably talk about a lot of things I've talked about before But I don't give a fuck because I'm angry and I want this shit to make sense--HELLO I grew up watching YouTube Matter of fact, I grew up OBSESSED with YouTube I -- did not have the best childhood shocker, ha-ha. I did not have the best family life, shocker. I didn't like school-- shocker. exaggerated laugh So my number one outlet, for anything to make me happy growing up was always YouTube If I had a bad day, Or my family was fighting and I LITERALLY needed something-- sounds, to drown out the screaming, I would play YouTube videos And when I made my first YouTube video pauses I literally have goosebumps I sat down with the premise of ''YouTube saved my life'' ''Shane Dawson saved my life'' yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ''Funny people-- who were unapologetically afraid to be themselves,'' ''Were the people that kept me fighting'' They were the people And for the first time, in my life, gave me inspiration. And I knew I wanted to do that Growing up your whole life, seeing all your friends have a purpose, And know exactly what they want to do with their lives And it be so traditional And not feel that way, And not have that purpose, And the first thing, EVER in my entire life, to show me that I might have a purpose, Was YouTube and the thought of making YouTube videos. And when I sat down to make my first YouTube video, THAT is what I had in my mind. I want to make videos that make someone else laugh and smile, When they feel like they can't. I want to make YouTube videos that inspire people to keep fighting, If their life is shitty. I want to show people that it does get better, I want to show people how to laugh through the shitty shit that happens to them I want to be like this. I always thought it would be on a smaller scale I always had the thoughts in my head, I'm like, ''If I could do this for a thousand people, that would change my life forever.'' ''If I could post a video and it get five thousand views, Maybe I make 200 of those 5,000 people laugh, I'm serving my purpose'' I never thought I'd be sitting here with millions of followers and that I would be in the same shoes as bigger YouTubers That I watch growing up. I never thought that I would have the opportunities That I've had I never thought my life would be like this, y'know? I remember growing up being so in love with these creators, Like Shane Dawson and Jenna Marbles and stuff like that, And every year Like, year after year after year. Vidcon would come around. I grew up in Las Vegas so vidcon was like, four hours away. Even IMAX, even just other things that YouTubers would go to, yee yee yee yeeyee yee yee Would come around every single year. And I would save up my money and try and try and try to be able to afford this Vidcon ticket. To go meet Shane Dawson or Jenna Marbles, Or whoever I was obsessed with at the time-- Tyler Oakley Blaire and Elle Fowler, IMATS or whatever it may be I would SAVE up my money and every year, I NEVER would be able to make enough. It would always come around and I would have to use my money on something else, or like food or something like that. I didn't grow up with a lot of money, and I would never be able to afford the Vidcon ticket, and I would make internet friends and stuff like that and they would get to go or I would like see rich kids at my school go and meet their favorite youtubers or whatever. That was just me and it always broke my heart, but I was always so in love with the idea of vidcon. It's like, since I never got to go as a fan Even though I wanted to so bad and save up so bad I would see these videos of everyone meeting their favorite creators meeting their favorite creators and finally, like running into the arms of someone who saved your life you know? Like I would go to bed every night falling asleep til' like the dream of being like 13 years old and getting to walk up to Shane Dawson and tell him that he saved my life but I could never do it and so Vidcon was always this like, fantasy land that I would look at so far away and wish I could go to so bad and just never could afford it and never got to make it. It was always portrayed as this safe haven happy, exciting place for fans to reunite or to meet their favorite creators for their favorite creators to do panels or meet and greets or cool events for you to come watch and for everything that you see on the screen, videos, Vid, Vidcon, yes everything that you see on the screen finally being there in real life you know, and I was SO obsessed with it. I don't know when the fuck I started YouTube sometimes it feels like a day ago and sometimes it feels like 10 years ago but uh... I want to say it roughly started toward the end of 2015 somewhere around there. Like I said earlier, I never ever thought things would blow up for me the way that it did. I remember posting my first vlog, and my first stalker story, and things just kinda taking off overnight. It's like, 1 minute I was making videos in my parent's house fighting with them everyday, hating my life, wanting to die and the next minute, I was getting my first AdSense check and moving out, and changing my life forever and dedicating every single piece me in to this thing that I was so passionate about and turning my life around and saving my life and falling in love with it, and everything was just happening, OVERNIGHT. I was gaining hundreds of thousands of subscribers a month and things were just blowing up before my eyes and it's like, I couldn't even catch my breath it was like before I knew it, I couldn't go places without meeting fans