LARA Method for Managing Tense Talks

Overview

LARA is an acronym for Listen, Affirm, Respond, and Ask Questions. This method fosters respect and common ground in conversations, especially when emotions are high, allowing for open and honest discussions about differences. It is featured in the Are You Ready to Talk? toolkit.

Components of LARA

Listen

• Objective: Learn the speaker's thoughts and feelings, not to persuade them.
• Actions:
  • Set aside personal agendas.
  • Focus on the speaker’s emotions.
  • Strive to interpret the speaker's intended message.

Affirm

• Goal: Establish common ground and make the speaker feel understood.
• Techniques:
  • Use phrases like:
    • "What I hear you saying is..."
    • "I sense that you feel..."
    • "It seems like you feel..."
  • Examples of affirmations:
    • "I sense we share the desire to do what is right."
    • "I appreciate your honesty."
    • "We both care deeply about our children's futures."

Respond

• Purpose: Address the speaker's specific concerns or questions.
• Approach:
  • Avoid labels and attacks.
  • Do not present perspectives as absolute truths.
  • Use I-statements like "I feel," "I believe," "I think."
  • Examples of good vs. bad responses:
    • "I've read many scientific studies suggesting that race is a social construction…"
    • vs. "Science shows that race is a myth..."

Ask Questions / Add Information

• Intent: Gain deeper understanding and show genuine interest.
• Methods:
  • Use open-ended questions:
    • "How did that make you feel?"
    • "Why do you think you reacted that way?"
    • "How did you reach that conclusion?"
  • Share additional information after understanding the speaker’s concern.

Practice and Improvement

• Continue using LARA until tensions lessen.
• Recognize that discussing differences is a skill that improves with practice.

Additional Resources

• Liddle, K. (2009). Despite our differences: Coming out in conservative classrooms. Feminism & Psychology, 19(2), 190-193.
• Tinker, B. (2004). LARA: Engaging Controversy with a Non-violent, Transformative Response, workshop handout available by request from [email protected].