[Music] oh um hey Rick I was wondering if you could help me out with a bit of a rake situation a rake situation long story short I asked Jean if he borrowed my rake and he said no like like that like too fast like faster than someone should know they don't have my rake I think he has my rake and I I'm not going to murder Jean Jerry thank you for bringing me into the rake situation I've done all I can I'm out no surprise there all that brain and you just waste it hold up I I waste my brain yeah Rick obviously you were born smarter than me but if I had your brain if you had my I am so sick of this born smart shit are you going to kill me I was born crying and pissing myself just like you then I became the smartest man in the universe and do I get credit no I get to check my brain privilege so we're swapping bodies no that would be Freaky Friday which is the ceiling of your grasp of conscious the brain is part of the body Jerry it's Hardware I'm going to put my mind in your brain and your mind in my brain then we'll see the real definition of waste Jerry or you know admit genius isn't random and your failures are your own not doing that thought as much [Applause] [Music] oh F oh God wait no okay hold on hold on who whoa who all right Jerry you can do this medical emergency detected huh there goes my Thursday [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] I'm telling you man you're making a big mistake here H bigger mistake to being a criminal I'm mistak proof sorry to bother boss I caught this Punk crystals on our tur you big precious moron do you know who the fuck this is Morty the kid who hangs with Rick Sanchez tried to warn you man Rick Sanchez underworld Legend chaotic neutral sci-fi guy huh Christ he's going to turn me into a sandwich what does this guy fucking knew I think he was a Dylan wck boss well check Dylan's fucking references next time whatever this kid wants to do in our territory is his business fuck fuck call my wife we got a prep cags 326 hey pal you good you h you guys have milkshakes we will learn what they are and get you one what a turn lucky I'm such a genius your garage can thwart death I'm the genius and it's your garage idiot hey what the fuck did you do to my body your body Jerry your mind did that to my body using my brain Jerry my mind was in this brain in your body pretty easy to follow it shuffled us shuffled you maybe I'm tracking everything garage fix this situation was fixed you call this fixed this guy thinks he let's see you fix it then asshole I fucking will I got my lap right here give me three hours oh sure yeah like i' ever trust you to open my skull I'll fix it I just need to scan for now like I trust you're fixing R2-D2 s you'll just kill me on purpose so that's where my paranoia went Rick speaking who is this Rick it's chck sley from crimetown who made met five or 10 times listen small B of understanding one of my guys saw your buddy Morty running an errand and he brought him in which I told him not to do but I've got Morty and he is fine wait what aren't you describing kidnapping kidnapp no give me that Jerry hello hello this is Rick Sanchez I'm using my son-in-law's vocal cords because I'm amazing if you touch my grandson I'm going to get get off me hello Jerry stop you're fucking ass up you're only calling me Jerry because you're so stupid you think it's hurtful which it is tell tell me where you are no you tell them where they are like Liam n do not pretend to explain Liam niss to me sir hey Jerry stop touch me there we know where you are my milkshake is empty okay that was so embarrassing do you have any clue what a pain it is to cultivate a Mystique yeah I do it's my mystique and you're just cultivating Jerry's shame what is with my hair don't leave it what do you care about hair nerd be quiet for a second I need to think through all these ch some moron okay you stay here touch nothing I'll get Morty H I'm not letting you get Morty killed and our brains blown out twice car electrocute Jerry if he gets in the front seat car engage castration protocol right now figure out how to drive me together or I will have to kill you both what are we a 1930s comedy act stop swerving you're swerving all right when we get there let me do the talking yeah I know because you look the most like us I'm not stupid I beg to differ screw you half Jerry you're a half Jerry half Jerry looks like he's inbound boss okay he is in a bad mood so we are kissing ass until our lips are ass colored straighten that pillow he might hate crooked pillows I don't know nice parking job ass dick you scratched my car Rick and uh Rick's friend this is my assassin deadliest man in the galaxy and he's gay why am I gay why aren't you sorry about that sorry sorry well I got Morty right here happy as a milkshake and since we interrupted your day Morty's got 10,000 croutons that's slang for crystals Morty show them we know what croutons are why is Dad here your dad's a gay assassin so cool and ordinary sorry sorry I appreciate you trying to make good but you cost me 10 times that much it doesn't matter Rick the guy's already kissing your ass it's the ass kissers you have to keep in line when they sense weakness they move on you what are we Walter White who cares if a mid tier crime dork moves on us thank you for the crystals Morty get in the car actually Morty why don't you leave those crystals here since it's such an insulting amount there it is now he's thinking oh maybe I can kill God yeah because God doesn't haggle for 10,000 fucking croutons look here's the deal I'm Rick that's my son-in-law and we're all a little gay just Morty it's me Rick get in the car don't get in the car Morty and put the briefcase down Morty get in the car twice once for each five additional briefcases this asshole owes us stop doing this terrible impression of me look at this point we're bad gangsters if we don't roll the dice everybody start killing him what have you two assholes done it's okay it's a nice restaurant shit crime restaurant oh my God am I really about to die because you watch a Freaky Friday whoever you are you're in Rick's body use your implants I'm trying half my brain is the guy that still needs your mom to use the electric wine opener hang on I think I got it right for my cone head phase awesome fucking movie Incredible cast God damn it I'm shooting my way back to the car way to go now my son and Grandson hates us he's my son and grandson too huh we do share an agenda in that sense let's hope you share my aim [Music] walking loooks and I can tell that we are going to be friend hey get up here said the throat to the hand you might feel a pinch and maybe a rocket you'll have to aim hop [Music] on you cone-headed son of a bitch can't believe that work work I wish they did that in the movie Jesus fucking Christ huh should have done something with my hands Morty got to push or pull your call what the hell what happened they made us stop at every dri through chain in the galaxies so they can make one giant burger with a Patty from each place I guess I meant before that brains got a little mixed up but we're going to swap back don't worry just didn't want to build a neural interface on an empty stomach right wait you guys did a brain swap don't bother chiding until they're unshuffled neither one is Dad or Rick huh I guess I'm thrilled you guys are getting along let's keep that going when those brains get back in their bodies whoa going for the electron pneumatic dodes Wild Man only going to build this once got to do it with style I think we can up the wattage hey another beer it's about the journey brother H Rick used to hate that kind of hang loose MCC platitude but he was also just going to spend today grumpy being isolated and jerry' still be hung up about The Rake The Rake oh my God should we do it we we've got to do it oh yeah all right that should do it who classic Jean huh crazy this is the kind of thing that used to really piss me off yeah now it's just kind of funny oh you want to replace it with a holographic rate oh that'd be fun he'd get confused trying to pick it up huh I guess I don't even want to do that I just want to live I want Jean to live I want all of us to make mistakes and change all the time Amen to that brother kind of thought two Geniuses would build faster than one when do I start being concerned about this just having a little fun with my new friend sweetie who is talking to me right now mostly my dad or mostly my husband I've been on that website look I've been patient but I can't tell how to get mad at who no one enters my room or touches me until this is wrapped up you take me for I want you to know when this is over the guy in this body is going to yell at Jerry and call him useless really lay into to him but he won't always mean it well cards on the table the guy in this body might call Rick an angry old asshole but he's the closest thing Jerry has to a friend this was fun Rick would never have been able to admit that yeah it's a shame those guys had to become us to be happy kids breakfast in school if we don't at least pretend they matter everything falls apart Jerry Dad they left a note should we read it in Rick's Voice or Dad's dear family we thought about leaving a note but then one of us was like why are we leaving a note that's such a Jerry thing to do but if we didn't leave a note note that's such a rick thing to do and then we realize we just got to be us so it's a note but it's not really well thought out that's it they got out a pen and paper for this hey did you guys get a note too mine's really long beautiful day to be carrying glass huh I can't believe a dying kid would wish for a window hey stop that they sto first yeah we stole those first possession is 9/10 of my ass look at this pancake butt stop you're going to make these [Applause] farts hey that's for sipping so are my balls here's a tip lady life tastes better when you're [Music] chugging you were in a tree really gambled on this Escape Route set the guy with a goon on his back ah forget it Burger it's our calling card really CAU that one ah one of us always gets shot god damn it hey you'll never guess who just ripped us off huh wow good guess oh man 24 Crystal Heights in 24 hours we're two farts in the wind baby yeah do your Howard Dean screen yeah 5:00 somewhere 5:00 somewhere God damn look at us no rules no responsibilities just two best friends on the Run yeah the voice mailbox for oh wait wait wait wait did it be uh my name is jar is full goodbye looks like we just missed them so they just stick burgers in dead guys mouths now in dead criminals mouths summer you're offending them well they were my husband and father thanks for the tip lb it's weird most of my underworld contacts are ghosting me my pleasure Morty I should be thanking you for making me Rich wait I I didn't pay you for this yeah these guys [Music] did what's the problem kid conad got your tongue chuley you're alive did this guy always have a hole or is that a big reveal W everything should be in a swamp working with y'all was a plum fool idea Burger and Fries who the hell is this just an average mid-tier crime Tor chuley you're alive shut up I got something you might want to hear got your family out looking for you what do you want we smoke most of what we stole I just want you both of you or I smoke your family what am I saying sure bring money to 1 hour shit guess we should shoot the fuel tank huh you guys could have done that the whole time so what now hey remember how we met that non Rescue of Morty we were thinking we were different and and accusing each other of being bad but Morty reminded us we both love our family and it brought us together let's do this well if we're going to do it right we might as well use our best idea you guys comfortable no good who are you what is this place and does my son sell drugs for my father maybe criminals will actually be honest with me crystals can be anything mom yeah but these crystals are drugs Mor here we go boys this is it Jerry Grandpa Jesus Christ Morty summer daughter wife you are safe now holy shit all the positive aspects of each perfectly melded together yes I am jerii all right boys nothing could have prepared us for this at this point we got to shoot and help also everything's flammable guys little [Music] help got to split I'm sorry Chucks I started this it's all my fault solid apology new guy if we live through this you're off the hook Nice Shot Mory everything's flammable what a family you got shot no no no the stitches they never really set what can I say I'm a [Laughter] workaholic I knew this day would come Chuck this is a good death you sought Mastery over your world no no I I stepped out of line I thought I could kill God being a boss in a crime World oof so much stress honestly jicky it's a relief to die in your forearms final meal how how old is this can we turn on the radio at this point I'd even take a podcast do you not hear the Symphony of Adams dying in space um no good you are here I have modified the house defenses they will ensure the mob never bothers you again oh thanks this is killing me I I thought when you came to rescue us you learned to love us more than ever you learned the opposite Burger and Fries learn to love each other then sacrific themselves out of love for you I am jii and I only need to love myself you can't actually be leaving right like the crows thing they're my dad and Grandpa you can't just take them your dad and Grandpa are dead Morty they died arguing with each other about their brains excuse me are are you Jerry sorry you have one of his heads I am jicky may as well have your rake back then that's right I took it I asked myself why lie about it don't you think he knows couldn't I get my own of course I could have but God damn it this rake it kept my neighbors in my life you guys don't give a goddamn shit about Jean but I see that won't help me any longer here you are no longer obligated in such a way I'm going to give it back anyway just seems like the right thing to do [Music] okay shit you think a rake will change my mind well it's fucking lame okay both of you walking out on Mom I thought you had two sets of balls not zero our balls are adequate Morty we're still in here there's a memory of myself as a 30e old he kept our egos intact he saved us it was a whole action movie Morty memory Rick he's still trapped in here quick nicely prepared eggs I still can't taste anything Awesome Adventure Rick Jerry being shuffled with me was probably the best part of your sad existence a brush with greatness please like you didn't get an upgrade what was it like having Integrity for once Hey Beth how much Integrity is left on the mortgage I think it's clear you both love each other more than you're willing to admit dumb fucking dumb go pick up crystals for me you don't have to do that Morty no it's it's okay I like doing it well those horses won't sew themselves up but good to have you both back yeah whatever great so I still wind up stuck with Jerry's dumb ass fuck you eat your eggs that my wife bought how about you eat my shit you Hawaiian shirt loving T uncalled for rude and uncalled for you sit there with your potty mouth and do everything fault nobody respects herey walk in bles clim the F books and pens I can tell that we are going to be friends I can tell that we are going to be [Music] friends walk with me suy through the park and by the tree we will rest upon the ground and look at all the bugs we found safely walk to school without a sound safely we walk to school without a sound I can tell that we are going to be friends I can tell that we are going to be friends and of course there's a space shuttles can you believe that giant thing actually flies well of course it can it's a space shuttles and over here is some stuff about Thomas Jefferson come on students day eight of attempting to escape Cherry's mind mind it has become increasingly clear my daughter married a man who remembers all technology is powered by Springs and gears how did I get here I suspect a chunk of Rick's brain got merged with a chunk of Jerry's but did Rick maroon me by accident or on purpose Escape remains possible but increasingly unlikely oh hey memory Rick building more sculptures out of Springs and gear fuck off memory Jean did you get any of [Music] that don't let any of those things get away Morty if their DNA gets into Earth's food chain our entire species could be sterilized then why aren't we killing them right next time I need a species sterilized who's going to do it for me you whoa Rick is that the vend Beacon we're being called to a assembled by the vindicators I refuse to answer a literal Call to Adventure Morty let it go to voicemail Rick the vindicators only call when the universe itself is at stake they're the first line of defense against evil they're the Guardians of the unguarded they're the writers of their own press releases Morty they're a bunch of drama queens that spend an hour talking and 20 minutes jumping around while ship blows up they're a phase we did one it was the big event of that summer let it die I Morty Smith invoke my right to choose one in every 10 Rick and Morty Adventures read them and weeping damn it fine but don't say I didn't warn you yes Vindicator Command Ship Beacon received we're doing vindicators too whoops uh Morty you might want to freeze some sperm [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] vindicators worldender is back and this time he's out to end more than worlds we have reason to believe his stronghold is located on my balls Rick the tyranus system once in range million ants will scan for pheromone activity which should lead us to the location of the base oh that's million ants I can't see the ants from over here I just assumed that was uh Turd Man Wiggly Turd Man Rick stop Rick you have something to add to the briefing uh yeah just a few more design notes um this guy the uh the uh I am cocot right crocubot so you're half cold unfeeling reptile half also cold equally unfeeling machine yes wow so your origin is what you fell into a vat of redundancy God damn Noob Noob we're having a briefing if I can continue Rick I anticipate sophisticated security measures I trust you can be of service there well let me check my list of powers and weaknesses ability to do anything but only whenever I want yeah that sounds like a job for me I wish he had the ability to check his attitude Alan rails ladies and gentlemen after his parents tragic death in a railroad accident he gained the power to summon ghost trains it's not all bad though they were spared having to see their grown son wear a whistle God damn thanks Noob noob this guy gets it f Maximus Renegade star Soldier sorry I'm late it was happy hour happy hour uh I was also late because of my drinking and mentioned it to zero Applause Rick Sanchez tinkerer of Terror man that's hard to say and Morty right whoa yeah I never forget a kid what he sa indicators let's make this three for three all right did he say three for three did he say he never forgets a k you mean two for two right Vance actually we assembled a second time last summer to fight Doom nomitron so this is vindicators 3 and you guys did vindicators 2 without us I sense insecurity are you sure there's not just a picnic nearby I guess he found his crowd pretty toothless stuff guys I hope you're happy with the adventure so far Morty these guys are even Lamer than last time we weren't here last time remember they did a whole vindicators without us bunch of them got killed too they lost lady Katana Calypso Diablo Verde yikes yeah things did feel less diverse in there this article says the reason we weren't involved was personality conflicts don't worry Morty they love you superheroes need a wide-eyed unremarkable to tag along and react to everything like it's mind-blowing I think the personality conflict might have been you Jesus how awesome is that I mean they wanted to not need me so bad they murdered three innocent Heroes of color and they still had to Bring Me Back Rick since it's my adventure and all could you do me a favor uh the adventure is the favor Morty me sleeping on these Linens is the favor I mean what are we vindicating Comfort Rick this really bums me out it it's embarrassing to find out these guys don't like us why Morty defeat gagu is more powerful than these guys every week yeah but not Heroes oh please they just call themselves Heroes so they can I'm calling them that Rick they're my heroes mine huh no accounting for Taste I'm going to go get a [Music] drink good morning vindicators ship has arrived at tyranus system all vindicators report to the briefing room the the room from the uh it's the it's a different room than than conference room I'm sorry it's my first day is a PA system First Day Jitters oh God good morning looks like your grandpa had a long night crocubot why don't you escort Mr Sanchez to a more comfortable spot so that someone can clean up his diarrhea well I'm nervous about my first mission actually Noob Noob you have a new Mission God damn vindicators prepare for arrival Morty the vindicators and I had a chat this morning and I'm afraid we need to make a little change I I totally get it I I'm so sorry you should be running around in a yellow t-shirt like you're not one of us disgraceful I I I'm not a superhero CA squat Chief everyone in the universe is a hero all you have to do is know the difference between good and bad and root for good Rick says good and bad are artificial constructs yeah well I get the feeling he kind of needs that to be the case not coming Noob Noob oh no ah I got stuff to do [Music] here security drones inbound star mother grant me your WRA all aboard [Music] gun turret are you all right yes I only lost 400 ants my queen is laying more I am back to 1 million ants someone wake up Sanchez oh Christ Rick you're up barely we're taking fire from an automated turret can you bring it offline uh-huh oh my God that's better Rick hey I can't help if I can't see [Applause] [Music] I could have just used a ghost train really you don't say you would have used a ghost train hey everybody the ghost train guy would have used a ghost train is there coffee hey Morty can you be a pal Grandpa left his coffee maker on the ship you know the French Press thing yourself little extra snippy this morning aren't you just focus on the mission all right oh oh oh I'm sorry oh you're right ooh real serious got to take it real serious huh son of a steam engine They're All Dead why would World Ender do this to his own men and several women well he is the world Ender guy ends worlds kind of his thing oo real scared realing on alert high alert over here what what the it's worldender what happened to him I sense his life force is fading million ants ladies and gentlemen the ant colony with the power of two human eyes all right short Mission good Mission remember when Allan wanted to use a ghost train see you guys in vindicators 4 Morty Rick whoever did this is an even bigger threat than worldender we can't leave now he's right this is far from over well have fun with that but Morty and I have to meet a lady Comet a monreal man two assholes and a full alligator in like an hour [Music] shit I sense the presence of a greater evil check check one two okay is it recording good hello vindicators welcome to your Reckoning baby well it's official I had too much to drink last night if you guys are watching this you're you know the vindicators so now that we know Rick what's going on buddy obviously I came here last night during a blackout obviously you came here and defeated our arch nemesis well so drunk you don't remember doing it that's something obvious to you look I'm a a little more complex than you guys and no offense but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours so I thought why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game Rick is is this a saw thing Are you seriously sawing the vindicators Morty I'm a drunk not a hack you break the rules lose the game or try to leave you will die like in s well I I I think we've seen enough I'll just figure out how to unplug this here we go room number one the vindicators are known throughout the Galaxy but do they know yourselves do you know yourselves match your your shit your your gimmicks with your faces and you get it it's a matching thing and do it in 3 minutes or you all die screw this I'm not playing his game I'm going to find us a way out of here whoa whoa whoa hold on Vance he said you'd die if you tried to leave that means there's booby traps why are you acting like that's not you well part of blackout don't you understand I thought you drank like cool drinking like sexy drinking not this psycho trailer park shit Vance stay calm oh so you're the leader now because we gave you a jacket you're the learning disabled kid we do photo ops with okay ouch but okay this this is triggering me I need space I need space from this [Music] yes give me one reason why I shouldn't crush your wi pipe because my epidermis is laced with a nanofiber defense mes and because like I said I don't remember last night I told you not to invite this mummified motherfucker back Alan I'm not proud of what's Happening Here but if you keep coming at me there's going to be another passenger on that ghost train guys I figured it out congrats you did it it was a bit all of the descriptors apply to all of you drunk Rick's point is that none of you are very special or different that's always his point let's just get through this as quickly as possible then we'll deal with the two of you the two of of us I hope you're proud of yourself uh I kind of am I saved the goddamn universe that's not the issue Rick H it would have been if I hadn't the vindicators say their job is to fight evil wherever it hides but they don't pick the location you'll you'll never hear them even mention because to fight darkness is to fight yourself oh I know this Dorian fot don't there's no other possible answer my mechanical and reptilian logic are certain of it no huh I'm seeing more Croc than bot here God damn it uh what happened on Dorian 5 nothing nothing we exterminated a planet wait huh Dum nomat was hiding there he's a shape shifter destroying Dorian 5 was the only way to kill him come on guys we're all thinking it don't Don't make me say it oh okay this again know I could have made you a device to detect Damron from orbit like that I'm not the one that didn't want you back Allan was if you lay those deaths in my doorstep one more time do not threaten her congrats you did it what the hell is Israel it's just something Rick starts talking about when he's blackout drunk what in what what in what way like what's my point in a way that has no point you just Babble about defense budgets in the United Nations and then you pass out so to be clear I sometimes reference the geopolitical complexities of the topic which is not the same as going to an anti-Semitic I have no stake in this I don't either I'm just saying if anything the drunk version of me is probably so supportive of Israel he wants what's best for it and hey man I'm not touching this you do [Music] you aloha means hello and goodbye in Hawaii but uh aloha means has nothing to do with this room I'm drunk okay here's the deal I I want to rest my eyes for a little bit I'm not going to sleep I just need to rest my eyes so let's make this one simple just try to hit some three-pointers let's say you have to hit five three-pointers and 5 minutes or I don't know the whole place the whole planet will get blown up with a nutrino bomb and try to make it a a lesson about yourselves like like how selfish you are are or something and also Hawaii you guys hit the baskets I'll disarm the drunkenly improvised nutrio bomb there's a 40% chance it's a dud but you should still stay backy how many of these too many Rick too many man I am really getting high roaded today that's a three-pointer Nice Shot thank you you two make quite a team we all do yeah I guess that's a three-pointer but you guys have always had an unspoken Bond I mean really unspoken like let's not tell my husband unspoken we aren't married Anymore Alan sure but were we married when you two were stranded on Del 5 6 for 3 days because I sensed something was weird when you came back but what do I know about sensitivity I'm just a phantom train conductor you're the pile of ordinary bugs that my wife that's a three-pointer where the is the lead wire who always put it in the weirdest place it's over here maybe Jesus Christ what a shitty nutrino bomb it's a miracle I ever destroy anything oh I don't know you managed to destroy just about everything today the villains the heroes the lines between them my childhood thank you I appreciate it Morty I know you were sucking the Kool-Aid out of the vindicators so the fact that I was right about them must be pretty hard to admit yeah it is you know why Rick because when you're an asshole it doesn't matter how right you are nobody wants to give you the satisfaction I know everyone wants people they like to be right that's why popular people are fucking dumb and why your pretentious poorly written High budget friends back there can eat a double-decker shit sandwich disarmed holy shit you're jealous yes is that what you want to hear did it feel good did you like his 6 million wriggling legs more than my tragedy stricken half ghost half two messy penis guys stop you're just bring my asshole Grandpa right I wish this was about sex we loved each other we had a child together what I conceived a child with million ants and it died inside me because it was half a million ants and half collapsing star and yes he was better than you yeah 1 million times better all aboy mother stop woo didn't see that coming is that sarcasm I don't want you slipping away when this is over all of these deaths are on your hands okay come on maybe a couple of them but definitely not the train guy all of them okay congrats you did it all right by now I've been pretty clear that I think the vindicators are full of shit but you do have one thing that I'll never have and that thing is the only part of the vindicators with any value to me if you know what it is place it on the platform guess wrong and the pl Planet will explode and probably the solar system cuz I kind of eyeballed the nutrino bombs on this one so what's the trick Morty you're the drunk Rick expert I think no matter what we put on there we die he said it's the part of the vindicators he values that means nothing he wants our last moment alive to be spent knowing how few he gave Jesus okay open to second opinions it could it could be Morty what hey I don't know I mean look when I get drunk I get stupid and emotional and there's no logic to it it's like it's possible I got so drunk I felt like I was losing Morty to the vindicators and maybe this is my way of saying okay you can have them but only if you know how important he is otherwise they'll kill you that is a really specific guess look there's nothing in the room but us I'm just using logic to connect some dots it's the best guess I've got but you're betting our lives on it I'll cover that bet I get it well Morty I think you're doing that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment I am not being koi about some hidden love for you I want to be really clear that if anyone has a better guess like if I gave you an amulet last night or oh shit sorry I'm not good at goodbyes and I'm drunk so you know I just it looks like I'm never going to see you again I can't really roll with the hero types and I don't they they don't want me around but I want you to know even if I didn't show it at the time I really appreciated you sticking by me God damn it why am I crying this makes no sense you're you're probably confused because we barely know each other but you really stuck your neck out when you gave me props for my awesome jokes in the briefing Room everybody else had their head so far up their ass even my own grandson is like Oh The Vindicator is so cool I mean he's a moron that's their demographic but you're different Noob Noob mother you're cool and you're smart and I bet we could have hung out and shit and I hope you get to be a full-fledged Vindicator and do do me a favor don't don't let him know I I got emotional but you could tell him one thing tell him I said oh okay I just shit myself okay ler dude Morty what happened to shut up I sense this means we are not dying not all of us sweetheart just let titty Bean do this snuzzles it's for the greater good it's like you said Morty there's no right or wrong never said that it's the Galaxy's faith in the vindicators that keeps the Galaxy secure yeah I feel safer already no doubt who we make the check out to I will say we are getting some good licks in while choking to death right titty Bean listen to me when you came to me I was merely a sentient colony of ants it was your beliefs your pursuit of justice that taught me to be a man when did it get so complicated who knows but we can make it simple again you are always the Romantic which is why you can't leave either I'm sorry my love damn she double crossed nuzzles silence I'm going to enjoy this let's give a huge thanks to Rick Sanchez for killing World Ender putting this awesome party together and for booking one of the hottest talents out there logic oh yeah look at that jeez I must have planned a whole party invited a bunch of people not bad drunk Rick not bad are you ready a train man he's rolling down tredy everybody Supernova fight gravity Rick supernova's getting away who cares but she was trying to kill us Morty 20 people try to kill me every week I end up getting high with half of them I mean check it out Gearheads here well that's going to shoot through me Morty you're wearing a Vindicator jacket are you a little superhero now everyone in the universe is a hero mom which is why we don't need jackets and I'm pretty sure we don't need vindicators Don't Mind If I Do hey everybody look who's a Vindicator man Grandpa Rick must have gotten shit face shut up can't forget about the one who never SE to get a chance all the bitches come around for his dick gets more business than everybody everybody is yo it's logic once again y'all don't forget the name make sure you get home safe and man we got to all give it up for Rick cuz I mean what kind of mother just sets up a whole festival like this when he's completely loaded man and all that stuff I said about Vance that's not real Vance that guy that guy guys sucks woo yeah yo did I get paid yet woo I can't believe we're getting gear cran with a Vindicator so you girls in gear college or gear alien terror attack okay sounds like a job for me I better go get into my alter ego so cool I know wait what Alter Ego he was already wearing the jacket got to know when to hold [Music] him did you get any of that [Music] the trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk Jerry get a job uh why don't you get it Jerry you're the man of the house and you don't have a job delivery for Rick Mor summer and Jerry gross what is that thing it's a courier flap it's like The Intergalactic version of ups but less offputting oh oh shit it looks like an egg bite from bird person must be time for his annual Oscar Party by the way our TV signals take Lighty years to reach his Planet nobody tell him that Braveheart wins greetings this is bird person and Tammy inviting you to planet squanch for our mate melding cemon that means we're getting married oh my God my friend Tammy's marrying bird person what the hell is a bird person he's Rick's best friend let's not get carried away Morty would you like to RSVP or send a gift no weddings are basically funerals with cake if I wanted to watch someone throw their life away I'd hang out with Jerry all day affirmative returning to Z no hold on stay Cur your flaps dad you have a friend that's getting married that's a big deal it's a big deal he has a friend what do you know about friendship Jerry confirmed shipping Jerry oh God Jerry Dad where is it taking him I assume Planet squanch 6,000 light years across the Galaxy that's that's insane yeah I know now we have to go to the wedding [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Rick Sanchez you psycho bag of Squan hey what's up squaty hey squ Morty summer and you must be Beth on Squan your language has the word squanch in it a lot doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing Beth squanchy culture is more textual than literal you just say what's in your squanch and people understand oh okay I squat my family what I do I squanch my family stop saying it gross come on in guys the guests are having cock squatches where am I you're at a wedding go change and I'm an alien Jazz rap style jazz rapping for an alien mile fat beats and an alien smile Jazz spaceone alien di is my friend I got a mouth of jazz for and I'm going to you made it I wouldn't miss it for the world oh my God I love your ring thanks it was bird person's grandmother's she fought a squirrel for it bird person Rick I am pleased you and your family could witness my melding with Tammy our pleasure yeah I just hope you got a pre-meld what it's just a practical way of making sure that when she's done with you you can get one of your balls back Jesus dad he's just grumpy from the flight oh I was happy on the flight I'm grumpy from The Landing well I looked at the guest book we don't know a damn person here hi Jerry Smith father of the bride's friend advertising is my usual game but I'm between Jerry stop networking we're in space Jerry get a job Jerry don't look for a job at an alien wedding I don't get you this is the closest I've ever gotten to this part of my father's life I don't want to blow it I get it I'm cramping your style you say you get it but I'm scared you'll keep doing it look here's some humans you can practice on you must be some's Mom and Dad we're Tammy's parents Pat and Donna Gman hi Beth this is Jerry so your teenage daughter's marrying a Birdman and you guys down with that no pun intended we're quite proud he's a wonderful person and an incredible bird still what is he 40 it's just you know when he was 30 she was an actual child when he was her age she wasn't born when he was uh let's see like 18 she was literally in there in your womb imagine being pregnant with your daughter and a bird teenager comes into your home and says I'll take that I'll have sex with that give us one second were you born with your feet in your mouth I was transported here against my will in a meatball all right so take your attitude to the men's section of Kmart cuz you need to cut me some slack I want you to stand in the corner and face the corner and talk to nobody maybe I will you know you're not being very supportive of bird person on his big day bird person's big day Morty was at blood Ridge on clap flap's third Moon against the grites this this is a losing battle jeez Rick it's not like he's dying he's getting married I mean what do you think's going to happen if you open yourself up a little bit I mean look around this is your family and friends all around you you know take the day off there's nothing to run from nothing to fight that's his last name are you hyting it squat this mofo good one Morty excuse me bartender can you make me a dumb grandson pep talk it's one part lame advice about stuff you know nothing about and a lot of vodka mhm I have a lot of vodka then I'll take one of those I don't need the rest God whatever Rick a sounds like you and my dad have a long history together wish I could say the same the road your father and I walk together is soaked deeply with the blood of both friends and enemies be nice um I used to have to drw into family photos with a crayon the war in which we fought is far from over we live our lives in hiding I guess I should be happy for you I mean great you guys got to hang out I hope you had a blast the galactic government considers us terrorists it's unwise of me to share these details but I've become inebriated I don't know if you can appreciate what it means to grow up without a father but the guest list at this wedding includes 17 of the federations most wanted we have have committed numerous atrocities in the name of freedom and during that time I don't suppose he ever mentioned his daughter are those baby kesas Nightcrawler Pate I should prepare for the ceremony like talking to a brick wall in the name of the Squan the six Rivers the four squatches and the nine balls I unite these two organisms in Eternal Squan Tammy you may squat your vows now bird person you are my seed my worm my earliness and my lack of cats I promise to be yours until your death nice bird person Tammy I was approaching infertility when I met you but there is still time I am yours until my death I Now Pronounce You Squan and third [Applause] [Music] [Applause] person girl you got it [Music] I am not staring at you I am a cyborg photographer just act natural this is a candid shot I don't require a camera so sorry hi I am not staring at you uh hi everybody I'm Rick you know when I first met bird person he was was uh uh listen I'm not the nicest guy in the universe because I'm the smartest and being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets now I haven't been exactly subtle about how little I trust marriage I couldn't make it work and I could turn a black hole into a son so at a certain point you got to ask yourself what are the odds this is legit not just some big lie we're all telling ourselves because we're afraid to die alone because you know that's exactly how we all die alone oh boy Jesus but but here's the thing bird person is my best friend and if he loves Tammy well then I love Tammy too to friendship to love and to My Greatest Adventure yet opening myself up to others Cheers Cheers right cheers to that mother thank you Rick that was beautiful gosh I look around this room and I think uh Tammy you're a high school senior from the planet Earth and you're marrying a 40-year-old bird person like what yeah Tammy but then I think you know in a lot of ways I'm not a high school senior from the planet Earth in a lot of ways what I really am is a deep cover agent for the Galactic Federation and you guys are a group of wanted criminals and this entire building is in a certain sense surrounded oh shit I don't get the metaphor I'll explain it to you later everyone here is under arrest for crimes against the Federation Tammy what are you doing sit your bird ass down Tammy bird person [Music] no drop the portal gun slide it to the center of the [Music] room somebody confiscate that and don't damage it the one [Music] [Applause] there's no time to squash get your family out of here I got this [Music] T to my squat come on this way scor this good thing I grabbed a space weapon that's a confetti gun you idiot Hold On Tight oh [Music] God damn it God damn [Music] it what the hell happened back there this is on you guys I told you weddings are stupid uh Rick is there anything you'd like to tell us about your relationship with this previous unknown Galactic government all the important points seem pretty clear no they think they control the Galaxy I disagree don't hate the play or hate the game son how could you be so dishonest with this family oh oh should I have been more open and trusting and loving like oh I don't know my now dead best friend or your daughter who was BFFs with an Intergalactic narc hey Tammy was cool and now we know why because of you you Summer and the government and me for letting my guard down which I will never do again jeez Rick you can't sayfe F you to your granddaughter I just did Morty here's dessert you look I think we've all had a tough wedding actually the wedding was beautiful the reception got out of hand anyway I say we go home sleep it off and have a family meeting in the morning yeah about going home we can't ever wait well these guys are looking for us now Earth will be swarming with them us Jerry I want to go home look anyone that wants to go back to Earth is free to go back to Earth but here's what's going to happen alien bureaucrats are going to arrest you they're going to put the intergalactic equivalent of jumper cables onto your nuts and or labia and hook them up to an alien car battery until you tell them where I am which I guarantee you you're not going to know which I guarantee they won't believe so who's homesick by Applause ladies anybody what are we going to do where are we going to live take it easy this is a blessing in disguise Earth you realize our planet's name means dirt right we'll find a new world computer how many planets in the Milky Way are at least 90% similar to Earth 765 five known planets how many of those are outside Federal jurisdiction three see our cup runneth over now who wants to go shopping for a brand new mother world all right look at this baby would you even know that wasn't Earth yes because there's no Africa white people problems Morty let's go down and check her out oh I thought I was further away I uh I guess this one's a little small all right uh maybe maybe we should go check out the other two huh okay this one's bigger this looks nice mom dad look strawberries on a CB whoa hey check this out flowers on a cob huh strawberries and flowers on a cob huh that's pretty cool are those mountains on a cob oh my [Music] god get in the ship sweetie what get in the damn ship everything's on a cob the whole planet's on a cob go go go all right third times's the charm see what we got here seems good and nothing on the cob didn't know that was a necessity but no it's nice I think this might be it wow hey look you guys the sun's Rising ah Dad how long are the days on this planet uh computer how long are the days on this planet 42 hours all right well those are the two choices cuz cob planet is off the table now let's take a vote well it's official the Obscure planet known as Earth formerly The Hiding Place of interstellar terrorist and fugitive Rick Sanchez has just become the 6,048 planet to join the Galactic Federation the Plucky little ball of water and dirt which is where it gets its name is dominated by 7 billion primate descended natives who love to eat spaghetti and prey to kangaroos spaghetti kangaroos I've got to check this place out well you can contact the ministry of Tourism for details up next teenagers are calling it and it's not what you think what do you what' you do that for dramatic effect good morning family oh do I smell bacon yes we discovered a species of tiny pig off the coast of new Australia about 30 yards east or 300 yards west we'd offer you some but we hunted it to Extinction for breakfast well I thought I'd walk to the South Pole and do a little bit of exploring if you guys need me just yell or throw something so hard that it goes around the world and hits me okay now that he's gone can we please talk about our situation dad you can't talk about people behind their back you know it's a small world please he's in the South Pole and we need to have a serious conversation South Pole discovered baby oh oh in ice cave sh things just keep on getting better wow it's the planet's core I'm just saying we keep acting like there's only two options but there's not so yes if we went back to Earth as long as Rick was out there they'd want to interrogate us but and this is purely hypothetical what if we turned your father into the government Jerry so help me God if you ever bring this up again no more bacon there already is no more bacon this world sucks our life sucks why are we doing this for someone that would never do anything for anyone but himself that's not the point Dad we love Rick for for the most part yeah you don't love people in hopes of a reward dad you love them unconditionally that's very good kids I'm proud of you okay so let me get this straight for the rest of your lives no matter how much it hurts you no matter how much it destroys our children's Futures we're going to do whatever Rick wants whenever he wants yes why because I don't want him to leave again you dumb asshole hey uh was going to hop over to the cloppy drop system get some ice cream you you want me to come with don't you need my brain waves for camouflage or something I'll be okay bye Morty Rick you're not leaving right yeah I am to get ice cream so you're coming back Morty if you go to where there's a bunch of ice cream and then you don't come back you haven't actually gotten ice cream you've just gone where ice cream is Rick I can handle it if you go but you'll break Mom's heart and I won't forgive you for that where's the van Morty It's Over the Horizon in the [Music] driveway myday for English press two connecting to agent ongoing investigations uh hi my name's Jerry Smith I'm from planet Earth I know the whereabouts of Rick Sanchez the wanted criminal hold on this is Special Agent GBL you have a tip about Rick Sanchez yeah he kidnapped me and my family and he left us on DWF Terrace 9 he said he was going to go to the plimplom tavern and listen yes I'm doing what's right for the Galaxy by calling you so if we come back to earth can my family have a normal life we only want Sanchez sir your family will be fine nice thank you I'm Jerry Smith and I love sucking big sweaty and licking disgusting furry testicle sacks uh okay what have I become my sweetest friend everyone I know goes away in the end [Music] you I will let you down [Music] I will make you hurt how long will you be visiting earth oh we live here we were just off planner for a wedding go that way [Music] I have processed that you are in distress and have prescribed anti-depressants compliments of the Galactic Federation I feel better your debt is 7,000 fed credits report to the ministry of employment and you will be assigned a function honey I got a job you could have sor I am not staring at you I am taking your mug [Music] shot I will let you [Music] down I will make you HT and what are you in for everything [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] H we what a cliffhanger oh boy oh my that's a real crazy ending huh hi I'm Mr Poopy but hole from episode 204 as you can see I'm still recovering from the bullet shot that I got from Beth remember that one H Come and Get It Kitty you know these little fellas help me get through the day oh W feels better I got a large pepperoni and some crazy sticks hey what did you think of that finale huh you think the Smith family's going to be okay yeah I don't know what you're talking about bro your total is 12:37 oh you think Rick's going to get out of jail you think the family's going to rescue him tune in to Rick and Morty season 3 in like a year and a half or longer to see how we unravel this mess o we did you get any of that it's a good show [Music] [Music] Morty Morty Rick hey Morty Rick are you far away or are you inside something is this a camera is everything a camera Morty the garage Morty come to the garage Morty Rick where are you on my workbench Morty are you invisible and you're going to like fart on me flip the pickle over what I'm going to touch it and you're going to tell me it's an alien dick or something come on flip the pickle Morty you're not going to regret it the payoff is huge I turned myself into a pickle Morty Boom Big reveal I'm a pickle what do you think about that I turned myself into a pickle what are you just staring at me for bro I turned myself into a pickle Morty and and what more do you want Ted on to this I turned myself into a pickle and 9/11 was an inside job was it who cares Morty Global acts of terrorism happen every day uh here's something that's never happened before I'm a pickle I'm pickle Rick [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] are you going to I mean you know is this the first part of some kind of magic trick I don't do magic Morty I do science one takes brains the other takes dark eyeliner well can you move can you fly wouldn't be much of a pickle if I could all right well do pickles live forever or Morty stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed I'm a pickle I'm just trying to figure out why you would do this why anyone would do this the reason anyone would do this if they could which they can't would be because they could which they can't Morty we have to get going or we're going to be late where's your grandpa right here sweetie I'm a pickle what why would you be look we're running late we have to go where are you guys going we have an appointment downtown that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone including you oh my god Beth oh it totally slipped my mind jeez oh man I'm a pickle I mean I I don't know if I can o jeez Rick did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling Mor it's okay Beth I understand Morty's suspicion I've misled him before Morty turn me so we're making eye contact Morty I assure you I would never find a way to get out of family therapy I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent the perception of my air quotes can't you just turn yourself back into a human great question summer the unfortunate answer is I did this to challenge myself and it could take hours or even days before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form but I mean you know your mom could put me in a purse or a pocket you know if she really needs me to go nobody needs anything okay it's fine I mean you should just stay here and figure out how to stop being a pickle okay hey Rick why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid hanging directly over you also why is the string attached to it running through a pair of scissors attached to a timer and why is the timer set to 10 minutes from now exactly when we would have left for therapy well Morty if you must know the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion and therefore does not warrant further explanation enough kids it's time to go you don't want to be late what are you doing there Beth what are you doing there sweetie well I mean you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation how's that going to help can't argue with that great we'll see you later hey hey be careful with that it's for something else it's really important so don't break it okay I may have up here [Music] [Music] oh great stupid cat whoa whoa whoa whoa I know what it looks like to you Izzy but I'm not a snake I've seen the YouTube videos I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes I'm not a snake I'm a pickle I'm a pickle oh whoa whoa whoa oh crap that Sun is bright okay come on this can't really be the way I go out this is the Mega genius equivalent of dying on the [Music] toilet so hot this is how I'm going to [Music] die oh God moisture oh God moist your dial it back God dial it back a little bit here oh God perpendicular perpendicular oh [Applause] shit come on that's it come get this this delicious brine come on come on come on yeah how is this even family therapy if Dad's not invited and Grandpa won't come yeah and what's Courageous about eating a hot dog it's nobody's choice to be here you knobs the family was told to get counseling by your principal even though it's not the family that was huffing Pottery glaze in the art room and desk wedding and history class oh the Smith family m is a dead your patients of Dr Wong too temporarily by order of the school me too how long have you all been eating poop we have never eaten poop me neither say where did my family get off to Smith family I'm Dr Wong come on in I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us he got wrapped up in an experiment he's a scientist like legit like on a Intergalactic sci-fi level his work is very he turned himself into a pickle Morty mom's talking I'm sorry I suppose that's a good segue into our little discipline cases here does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot what no what kind of question is that the kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way oh Jesus Christ one of these no my father has never turned himself into a pickle before he's unpredictable and eccentric the whole family is speaking of which okay let's open things up to the whole family and let me ask this why do we think Grand po turned himself into a pickle wow Hey listen I know this is your world not mine the sooner I can get out the sooner I can go back to taking big craps and you can go back to subsisting on them you are one driven rat could you be a little more driven to the right yes yes yes come on come on come on fresh fresh fresh oh oh oh is this your friend don't worry he died doing what he loved being a dum fing rat [Music] oh [Music] yeah I didn't say my father is perfect I said his work is important and she's saying what's important is that Grandpa lied to you to get out of coming here oh he did not let's do an experiment here I get the impression this family values science so raise your hand if you feel certain you know what was in the syringe raise your hand if you know for certain the syringe does not contain anti-p pickle serum Beth your hand did a little thing there do you really not see what's happening here tell me Well Dr Wong by the way racist name obviously Morty and summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle OB session as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy oh I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific Dynamic I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability I think it may punish them I think it's possible that Dynamic eroded your marriage and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings you mom both of you two by the way you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features I never gave you a name like scar or stripe or Goliath that's because to me you aren't special you were special to rats now they're dead I guess it was me you should have impressed God damn it I love myself [Music] pickle Rick get that parkour get that parkour hey it's cool just need to find the nearest exit whoa whoa whoa no need to freak out oh who in the toilet is this what is it a pickle aat both it says it's a scientist where is it it seems to be using the air ducts and the mail tubes to get around it's been Gathering office supplies we think to build Weaponry but look what it did on the mezanine it transferred a bottle from the trash to the r cycling bin whatever this thing is it's shaming us we have 34 armed guards and we can't kill a pickle 32 armed guards he killed two it's on the phone put him on and locate the phone he's using hello hi um can you uh please let me out your mere presence in this building violates international law I couldn't let you out even if you hadn't killed two men you should know those men killed themselves and how is that they didn't let me out senena shut your mouth and do your jobs you children is this not a good time or some of my men are calling you senena the pickle man an old wife's tail he crawls from bowls of cold soup to steal the dreams of wasteful children that' be a lucky break for you go shoot to kill we got them because this pickle doesn't care about your children and I'm not going to take their dreams I'm going to take their parents [Music] [Music] senena he's coming it's because I threw halfway my sandwich he's just a pickle he's a monster he's not the only one you can stay dead to the world and die in this room or you can kill a pickle for me and earn your freedom there is no Freedom while your leader breathes our country is a prison then Katarina is a prisoner perhaps I could arrange her Escape as well she lives Jaguar where is this pickle what do you think is in the syringe bath you're the one that costs $200 an hour you tell me anti anti pickle serum your kids think it might be anti- pickle serum my kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases they're just angry at me for divorcing their father I never said I was angry at you that's the point of pottery anamel huffing summer you do it so you don't have to say I'm angry at Mommy out loud oh my god oh there's pictures of people eating poop in there it's not my job to take sides or pass judgment do you think when your father asks for that syringe you could ask him he won't have to ask for it okay he won't need it he'll just make more he doesn't need anything from anyone you admire him for that it's better than making your problems other people's problems come on pickleman you should know this isn't personal you should know that isn't original they have my daughter there's nothing I won't do to see her again yeah there's lots I wouldn't do to see my daughter but killing you gets me to her quicker than your derivative bullshit I never bullshit pickle man this can only end with one of us dead and I have never died that'll be your downfall Jaguar not being open to new experiences is it done Jaguar Jaguar couldn't make it do it okay you win pickle man I'm unsealing the building no thanks I'm coming for you now pickleman there's a $100 million worth of bonds in a safe on level two I'll give you the combination money belongs to the people shut up and call me a helicopter you prick do we have a deal take that money give it to Jaguar's daughter when you set her free or I'll be visiting you Jaguar's daughter is dead huh so you're a liar Jaguar was an animal you're an intelligent pickle we can do business I don't think so see you soon is the helicopter here yes and the police are on the way what do we tell them tell them we were robbed hey hey what are you doing I'm right here farewell solenia f-15s are scrambled this helicopter will be shot down in 7 minutes well my daughter is about 5 away and I've got about eight to live pickl man it's too late for me to tell my daughter I love her but not for you oh well she knows I mean we don't really buy into that kind of crap to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time my access to infinite timelines precludes a necessity of attachment in fact I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of Earth that was taken over by mutants okay good luck with that wait do I have infinite daughters huh uh no no nope sorry about that nope just me [Music] yesh I am afraid that my kids will get expelled good summer you go I am mad that I can't Huff enamel without people assuming it's because my family sucks I hope to be seen one day as someone that just likes getting high good job Morty do you have an eye statement I am sad that I peed I I'm I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet look at this family go you guys are Pros what do you guys think about doing this once a week you must be Rick mhm I've heard a lot about you today your family is crazy about you your daughter holds you in very high regard you're a lucky fell yeah thank you uh sweetie you don't still happen to have that syringe in your purse dad I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe it's a serum that I need to uh to stay alive I have had a rough day and uh I've sustained a lot of damage I'm I'm pretty close to death which the serum will prevent by changing you from a pickle to a human Yes Rick why did you lie to your daughter so I wouldn't have to come here why didn't you want to come here because I don't respect therapy because I'm a scientist because I invent transform create and Destroy for a living and when I don't like something about the world I change it and I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat but not something I want for myself I'm not a cow I'm a pickle when I feel like it so you asked Rick the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family you included use intelligence to justify sickness you seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an Unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse and I think it's because the only true unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control you chose to come here you chose to talk to belittle my vocation just as you chose to become a pickle you are the master of your universe and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass because the thing about repairing maintaining and cleaning is is it's not an adventure there's no way to do it so wrong you might die it's just work and the bottom line is some people are okay going to work and some people well some people would rather die each of us gets to choose that's our time I'm going to give you guys my card and hope to hear from you again and if you have any friends or family that eat poop and would like to stop give them my number are um sorry I lied to get out of the thing I I shouldn't lie to you oh it's fine I mean thank you and yeah you shouldn't but I hope you know that's not what that session was supposed to be oh no I mean I I know it was Morty peeing his pants and summer snorting glue or whatever she huffed enamel and we never even talked about it well there was so much more at stake I mean that shrink what a monologuist are we going to go back sweetie could I uh get that syringe now oh my God yes Dad it's in my purse oh I'm sorry you must be in agony Jesus Jesus Christ therapists man weird breed man I missed having hands and blood and a stomach we should get a drink really like go somewhere yeah let's drop the kids off and go Tai one on absolutely I I liked her so what do you thinking like Smokey's Tavern maybe shies yeah either one either one [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you'll never get away with this kerto that is where you're mistaken Mr Sanchez this shall be my greatest performance of all time this is it Morty we're goners we're not getting out of this one after everything we've been through this is how we're going to die make peace with your God jeez Rick uh I don't want to die and now for the E Splat [Music] Jaguar who who was that Rick that Morty is why you don't go to therapy did you get any of that [Music] [Music] what's new at school nothing nothing oh uh one of the Lunch Ladies died they found her in the gym with like two holes in her neck and all the blood drained out of her good Lord who does something like that obviously a vampire where's the pepper wait what vampires are real yes summer vampires are real who knew oh right all Humanity for hundreds of years now yes summer it's a big universe get used to it right Rick well what are we going to do we're going to live our lives until we die possibly by vampire more likely auto accident or heart disease but possibly vampire Grandpa Rick couldn't you like use your supern knowledge to turn yourself into a teenager and come to our school and help us hunt the vampire down um wow yeah pretty specific pitch summer I probably could turn myself into a teenager and hang out in the zit covered hormone adult low stakes ass world that is high school but here's my reverse ask why in the would I ever do that ever and how dare you even ask me that and why aren't you more ashamed of yourself dad be ashamed of yourself sweetie Jerry do you know what you just said to our daughter sorry I wasn't paying attention to a conversation about vampires clearly I didn't know it was about vampires because I wasn't paying attention which you would know if you ever paid attention to me oh here we go right to the victim rle am I a victim Beth or am I married to a mean unfair monster that always hurts me Jesus Christ will you fix your marriage or get a divorce already well we tried a couple's therapist that's Earth therapy you might as well ask a horse to fix a merrygoround I mean he'll try his best but mostly he's just going to get horrified I know about a place off planet with 100% success rate well we want want to make it work if we can it's just then it's settled no need to pack let's go go go go do you think Mom and Dad are you know going to get a divorce I think it's okay to dream Morty I'm going to go make some wooden Stakes [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] I booked you for a two-day intensive at nupa 4 the Galaxy's most successful couples counseling Institute they could save the marriage of a dog and a bar of dark chocolate they could save the marriage of a porn star and a porn star well I know I'm ready to try whatever it takes which clearly implies that I'm not it's not a competition B oh is that how you're going to try to win by implying I'm competitive if the shoe fit my shoe fits up your ass you wish okay have fun see you Thursday jerk don't insult my father he's the reason our kids are only half stupid H you just called yourself oh Beth and Jerry Smith yes I'm gleo slim slam welcome to npia 4 your marriage can rest easy now Jerry go ahead and sit there and put this on this machine isolates the part of the subject's brain containing all perceptions of its romantic partner and we will now render Jerry's perception of Beth with artificial biological life interesting what the hell is that take that back you do not think that about me I didn't do anything they scanned it out of my brain can I take it back there's nothing to regret we're dealing with unconscious healthy thoughts Beth now we scan for best perceptions of Jerry scan hard he's dead to me everything's dead to you what read and weep bitch does everybody see what I mean I think we all see what you both mean any leads on the vampire no summer I mean you know I think it might be time that we just let it go oh so now you're too cool for for this just because Grandpa Rick is it's not that it's just that the universe is a little too big to care about something so small what up my housings who wants to hunt a vampire Rick H how did you yeah I got bored and then I remembered this morning how I blew summer off and I thought hey why are you such a grumpy douche Rick go to the garage transfer your mind into a younger clone of yourself and get embroiled in some youthful hij Jinks what's the BFD so here I am I'm tiny Rick okay well it's good you're here Rick I was pretty sure we didn't have what it takes to deal with a blood sucker on our own don't short sell yourself summer you got everything it takes but it'll still be fun to do this as a team mother rck oh my God Toby Matthews hey Toby I'm tiny Rick I'm new hey oh go easy on me just kidding I like your straight forward style and that lab coat's pretty cool summer He Knows My Name why wouldn't he you're great but listen just be careful we can't Ru anybody out as a vampire not even the dream boats stop tiny Rick a vampire with my grandkids tiny Rick the next step is to watch your mythes interact together and uh big surprise it's never pretty here we have gar and zarar Gloom or should I say here we have the way gar and zarad are perceive each other as we can all see this is hardly the real gar and zarad which is good because the relationship in their heads is not only ugly it's unsustainable able you may already be learning something important all of these relationships are different none of them are real and none of them work we are not the monsters we sometimes see each other as because we are real and we are functional that's what makes us better than them we can find Solutions we can adapt we can communicate and most importantly we can work together well it was a tough Adventure but it paid off our school is vampire free man who would have suspected coach Fatu you did great guys couldn't have done it without you you know we we should be proud of ourselves we killed a vampire and a gym teacher talk about two for one right so how exactly is your old body living in there Grandpa Rick oh you know Hyperbaric Quantum fluid that kind of thing it preserves living tissue not that there was much to preserve look at that mummy H and I guess it's time for me to get back inside the Oldtimer oh my God Toby Matthews is asking if my parents are still out of Tower and if we can have a party all right way to go summer what did I tell you oh he's asking if tiny Rick will be here well you know what summer tell him tiny Rick will be here and tell him to bring some bruise for real you you you you would stay as Tiny Rick just so we can have a party hell yeah what's one more night and who can have fun with this old bastard hanging around huh lby loveby do do tiny Rick moving on now we have Beth and Jerry Smith from the planet e my heart is pounding this is going to be great the E relationships are simpler It's A Primitive Planet so their dysfunctions are wait what what's going on where are the Smith myths oh my God oh my God secure the cell uh hey you know what's fun our gift shop why don't we proceed in an orderly oh dear God no they're codependent run oh yeah yeah you really know how to sport that color blue really you're looking real good oh my God hey Morty oh hey hey Jessica so is Tiny Rick your brother or cousin or no my grandpa just transferred his Consciousness into a clone of himself so he could be in our high school cool hey tiny Rick's playing guitar all right everybody this next one's coming straight from the heart making the lyrics up right off the top of my head let me out what you see is not the same person as me my life Life's a lie I'm not who you're looking at let me out Set Me Free I'm really old this isn't me my real body slowly dying in a vat is anybody listening can anyone understand stop looking at me like that and actually help me help me help me I'm going to die tiny RI everybody this amazing I love tiny RI [Applause] [Music] [Music] what the Yeah I know what kind of operation are you running us what the hell kind of relationship do you have all right blame this on us okay uh I can and I D your demonized mythologization of each other are cooperating isn't that good no no it's bad you have the single worst marriage I've ever witnessed it shouldn't exist you should never ever ever have gotten together and I do not understand how or why you would ever stay together well this is just bad couples therapy [Music] totally wait for us there's only room for one more I'm a therapist I'll talk to them they're not therapist go go go there's got to be a way to contact my dad let's find a control room or [Music] something Beth you want to see this what is it it's a small hinged panel with a tiny amount of space behind it if you can find one too we should be safe for hours maybe days you stay put Jerry I'll send help if I make it you don't want to find your own little hatch Jerry I believe that if you hide by yourself you might survive and I believe I by myself have a shot at getting out of here but the two of us together I I don't know look maybe the shrink was right good luck all right now you listen to me or or don't hey don't please [Music] oh God oh God oh God now I know I've said in the past that math is important and it is but I also think that one day you'll all look back on being in high school with tiny Rick and Morty who I here had a great party last night so class dismiss you've got the day off all right good work Mr Golden B yeah get outside read a book put on some sunscreen Dan hey what's up Summer oo nice top thanks tiny Rick you think it might be getting back into your old body tonight no can do tonight's the big dance and Morty's bringing Jessica he needs his Tanny wingman Rick okay but if not tonight when I don't know when I feel like it damn girl you need to chill out this whole thing was your idea in the first place and now you're trying to rush it along yeah and you know I like high school I like hanging out tiny Rick but what if the you that likes it isn't you summer it's just Rick and a younger body what's what's what's what's the what's the problem look at his art Morty I've got an emo streak it's part of what makes me so rad why does it say help me Morty and Summer come on summer that's the title of the art why was Night Rider called Night Rider the car's name was kit nobody rode Michael Knight you're overthinking it's summer I'm tiny Rick grandpa I think that when you put your mind into this body's young brain it did what Young brains do it shoved the bad thoughts into the back and put a wall around them but those bad thoughts are the real Rick the the fact that you're old the fact that we're all going to die one day the fact that the universe is so big nothing in it matters those facts are who you are so you're trapped in there and you can only come out in the form of tiny rck teen angst well summer I hear Toby Matthews isn't into psycho chicks can't think of anyone that is I'll see you mother at the dance tiny Rick Morty you have to help me Summer he's happy I'm happy is that why you're doing this you don't want me and Rick to be happy no well then get your shit together get it all together and put it in a backpack all your shit so it's together and if you got to take it somewhere take it somewhere you know take it to the shit store and sell it or or put it in a shit Museum I don't care what you do you just got to get it together get your shit [Music] together get back wait for real you're how bad Beth sees me oh my God turn around I said turn around how can Beth have these thoughts about me that judgmental monster bitch I'm not taking this I want to know where my wife is you are going to help me no nobody's doing that stay what do you want jerri's you want Jerry I don't even want Jerry I what jerri's an army an army of Jerry's the value of his subservience is wasted on you I will use it to dominate the universe boy Jerry must think I'm pretty stupid for you to be this stupid wouldn't it make more sense to put my dumbass husband in this chair so you can make an army of your badass self there could never be more than one of me I'm the strongest smartest being alive because Jerry thinks you're that much stronger and smarter than you are okay ouch oh hey hey Morty Jessica what's up check out the new dance I made up it's called ooh let me out let me out let me out this is not a dance I'm begging for help I'm screaming for help please come let me out let me out let me out this is not a dance I'm for helping for help please don't let me out I'm dying in a vat in the garage awesome okay that last part was really weird maybe Summer's on to something here I don't know it was fun you want to slow dance tiny Rick hey great dancing as usual moment of your time tiny Rick this conversation is going to break my heart wide open you're a great student the fact that you're an 80-year-old man and the Clone body it never bothered me but this here is another matter you recognize this we had a tip it was in your locker yeah now because the gym coach was a vampire the school board is embarrassed and won't take it public however they can't have students killing teachers I got to expel you for this one TR I'm sorry I just got expelled summer oh so I guess there's no need to stay young my screw your top you ratted on me I'm tiny Rick fine yes because I love you and I'm trying to save your life High School is my life summer Smith is a psycho nerd and she just got me kicked out of school summer I thought you were cool I'm sorry okay oh my God Morty your sister crossed tiny Rick talk about self destructive yeah hey Jerry lover how about a taste of the real thing not on my watch that's it B it's me your husband I'm here to save you or my name isn't Jerry Smith ah H yes Jerry Smith okay fair enough say good night old man what the hell are you doing put it down summer you bitch don't talk to her that way she's your granddaughter I don't need a granddaughter I'm tiny Rick she's my sister and if tiny Rick is going to be an asshole to my sister then you know you you may as well be old again you think you're tough huh Morty what are you going to do I'm tiny Rick I'm the coolest kid in your school how are you going to just make me do whatever you say huh I'm going to do what real Rick would do if he was here I'm going to kick your ass Rick I know you're in there I know you're trying to get out that's it my hold him down listen to it tiny Rick listen to Elliot Smith no feel with he's feeling no God oh God what is life how can someone so talented die so young what is being young I'm not young I'm old I'm I'm going to die my body isn't real Morty summer it's me it's Rick regular Rick Rick how do we get you back into your body okay listen carefully there's a set of diodes on the vat's control panel a blue one and a red one oh God what kind of world is this I didn't ask to be born I need you to connect the blue one to my left temple and the red one to why doesn't anyone really like me Focus grandpa just put the stupid wires on my head I hate being a teenager Jerry you can't bend metal then make a me that can how can I do that while I'm watching you totally fail to bend metal good old Beth the mind of a robot in the heart of an insect don't talk that way about her what hurt oh God stop this representation displeases me good Lord how did you well I had a feeling that in your mind the ideal version of me is one smart enough to see you as a goddess not such a stupid worm now are you honey when it comes to the subject of your ego I'm Steven Hawkinson H it's never mind I love you holy shit thanks kids you figured it out well summer did kind of weird that you were that willing to sell my existence out for some trim Morty but listen I forgive you both because you know what I learned today something important the teenage mind is Its Own Worst Enemy oh I also learned this operation Phoenix is not the fallback I thought it would be I guess it's back to the [Applause] tri Grandpa's back baby Grandpa's oh man I got to pick up your parents they have been blowing me up one last swing for the RO for the love of God get dressed so what do you think you want to keep this marriage going a while longer at least until Morty has graduated high school oh aha you see what did I tell you to it worked you know what Rick I guess in a way maybe I already lost interest get in the car I've been inside a kid all day and now I can feel my phone scraping each other uh just so you're prepared there's a bunch of dead Mes in the garage huh sounds like our stories were connected by a theme not really Jerry probably a cosmetic connection your mind mistakes for thematic oh old Rick ruining everything [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] Master speak coach fatu's presence was discovered by the humans he has been destroyed no bother the moral shall soon I'm sorry what did you say his name was coach Fatu coach Fatu that was his real name like his actual vampire name no no no his vampire name was BAC Alain what the would he name himself after a famous vampire movie was he doing a bit I do not know your unholiness Jesus Christ from now on no more of this clever name bullshit when a vampire is pretending to be a human they can just call themselves Alan Jefferson or something like that it's crazy right I mean am I being an asshole okay I feel like everybody in the room is looking at me like I'm the buzz kill I'm not good okay great did you get any of that it's a good show [Music] [Music] [Music] hey golf is easy now golf is hard again golf is hard again the view from here is the same as yours Jim a giant head has entered Earth's gravity triggering climate change and natural disasters we thought were impossible for at least another eight years let's not make this political Terry do we know what this giant head wants show me what you got Jim you heard the said show me what you got show me what you got I want to see what you got oh boy time to go Morty uh where the Pentagon I mean not the Pentagon the lame one here on Earth [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] is it God if it's God do we get out of school it's not God summer she's allowed to think it's God if she wants honey shut up Jerry okay Dad what do you know about this Morty and I are going to look into it you guys hold tight scary stuff huh pretty freaky H I'm Mor's math teacher I'm also part of the street team inviting folks to the church Downtown so we can pray together how is praying going to help ma'am a giant head in the sky is controlling the weather did you want to play Checkers let's be rational I'll see you at God's house rest of the you must listen to gentle one at a time Simon SE norat and every broadcaster on the planet are attempting to show this being what Humanity's got String Theory world history the human genome have you tried sending in launch codes Mr President what America's Got is 70,000 megatons of KaBoom boom and I say we show it right up this floating head's ass you need hold it don't move stay back this watch turns people into snakes [Music] oh Stand Down everybody stand down I'm the leader of these people and I'm unarmed there's no need for any more Snake makery my name is Rick Sanchez this here is my grandson Morty hi Morty Mor hey I've seen enough of the Galaxy to know what we've got here is a cromulon from the signis 5 expanse so you can forget about nukes and you can forget about math this head won't go away until Earth shows them it's got a hit song imp like Vivaldi no Frasier a live performance of a newly written catchy original song the cromulon feed on the talent and Showmanship of less evolved life forms all right all right thank you Mr Sanchez change of plan people get me for real Randy Newman Billy Corgan and the dream the dream he wrote umbrella and Single Ladies you people haven't heard of the dream you're going to want to put them on that giant speaker system at your Sonic testing facility at Area 51 how do you know about that for God's sake Nathan the man turns people into snakes he can use Google Maps sir farel Newman Corgan and that dream guy They're All Dead dead what how is that possible do people just die when I name them the Grammy sir there was an earthquake and all the musicians all the famous ones they're gone dear God hold on sir just a minute IC te survived he's inbound on an F-15 ETA 2 hours good luck Mr President sir the magnetic poles are about to reverse in 2 hours there may not be an earth too save Sanchez are you a musician I dabble Mr President get this man and his grandson on a Blackhawk to Area 51 people Everyone remain calm every crisis of faith is an opportunity for more faith when God deals you in 11 you don't fold you double down and always hit on a soft 16 that means you Jews I beg your pardon pastor but the last I looked outside it seems to be you that's been dealt the weak hand choose rule nobody okay tough Church hi principal vagina the name's real possibly Scandinavian I'm just going to come out and make this pitch the old gods are dead all previous existing religions all hail the one true God the giant head in the sky children of God Bob Bob I get it but unless this can beat that what have you done for me lately so if you'll all excuse me I'm going out onto the sidewalk I'm dropping to my knees and pledging my Eternal Soul to the thing that literally controls theing weather out of my way okay if sanity's been restored to this assembly I'd like to talk about the cost of repairing our new organ Sally the plate please oh this is my favorite part Rick are you really a musician who's not a musician Morty me yeah not with that attitude we're in the drop zone I'm the jump Master my name's Jamie with an ey go go go but but we don't have a song giant head in the sky please forgive all that we've done we're sorry for our increased levels of emissions and our racism and of course the Amber Alerts I keep ignoring on my phone all right Morty let's get let's do it why don't you uh find a button on one of those keyboards and lay down some kind of beat I think we need to cut our losses we get our family and portal out of here Morty good music comes from people who are relaxed just hit a button Morty give me a beat oh man okay all right um oh yeah you got to get Swifty you got to get shwifty in here it's time to get shwifty get Swifty what the hell is that it's our world's best effort that's what take off your pants and your panties shit on the floor time to get shwifty in here I'm Mr Bulldogs Mr Bulldogs don't analyze it Nathan it's working take on the floor time to gety in here and third level donors get our all access family pass listen the storm is stopping hey take your pants off it's Swifty time today h please be kind to us for we are but tiny things with entire bodies stuck to your ground I like what you got good [Music] job yeah we did it why do you know he was run hoor principal vagina now hold on a second let's be right Ral about this no I'm I'm just saying we don't know there's a cause effect relationship oh my God going on [Music] now what the hell happened Mr President you're going to want to see this I think planet earth has just been transported the head has left and sent its children holy crap oh dear giant head we apologize for that discussion it will never happen again oh dear oh dear giant head Siri started picking up on a garbled signal we're decrypting it now we asked them to show us what they got and they did now we'll see which of them has got the most 24 hours five planets five songs but in the end there can only be one planet music all participation is involuntary disqualified in losing planets are disintegrated by plasma Ray uh it's probably a bad time to mention it but any astronauts you guys had in orbit are definitely dead welcome back to Planet music first up let's hear the latest song from planet parel snaps The greevy Bobs show me what you got hold it hold it stop music isn't about competition or captivity if you love music You Love Freedom let these worlds be free please disqual [Applause] ified there's one every season moving on to Planet arbes mosos our bullan mosoian show us what you got 2 3 [Music] [Music] 4 Rick Morty IC tea the timbles moved up on in 6 hours like we're not already under enough pressure W jeez Morty the guy's just doing his job take it easy Rick IC tea could you guys take it less easy we've got 6 hours to come up with a song genius happens in the moment Morty well can we at least go get our family you know so we can take them with with with us if we lose that's planning for failure Morty even dumber than regular planning balls Morty Morty stop listen there's only so much charge left in this thing if we portal home from here and back we're not going to have enough charge left left to get off world get it what yeah you see I try to shelter you from certain realities Morty because if I let you make me nervous then we can't get Swifty stop saying it like it's a thing you made it up hey Morty could you lick my balls C it's Rick I've seen enough these guys are one hit wonders and what's your plan General we still have the nuclear option on my word we can launch a missile at every one of those heads in the sky our planet's held captive on a live game show and your solution is to shoot the audience you can put your faith in nukes if we get through this General until then I'll put mine in Rick and Morty get shwifty was a jam hello yes sir yeah thank you sir thank you he says he's proud of what we're doing and hopes we have a great Ascension Festival happy Ascension happy Ascension we should pack up and leave town now I think it's inspiring that our community is coping with fear in a way that involves a festival in homemade ice cream if you'd stop being such an Evangelical atheist you might start a enjoying yourself wa look at you you're wearing the hat and everything here's yours mom do you mind if I cook dinner tonight yeah sure wait what I love you guys you gave me life and it's the will of the many heads that all children honor their parents dinner sounds nice pardon Mr and Mrs Smith summer are you coming to the Ascension father can we please go to the Ascension sure let's go to the Ascension what what what is it we hereby send these unwant Skyward that they might be in inhaled by the many heads later to be sneezed back to us as better babies headward free now to rise headward free now to rise headward free out rise oh yes yes rise to the giant head you are free to be free squeegee comes up from the garage right but he's got a lobster in one hand the movie tickets in the other he's like I'm ready going take a lobster to see Iron Man 3 ah damn we're out of original flavor Fig Newton I should get going anyway wait wait wait come on hold on a second hold on what damn you didn't tell me you around with portals and shit that's it whoa whoa Mor me that you lied about the charge you were just being lazy get back sit down Morty just put it down you don't know what you're doing I'm going to go find Mom and Dad no oh sh [Music] oh and then Ethan played guitar and we learned the seven contemplations of the head by singing them it was really fun praise be the head praise yeah hi folks head priest vagina thanks for farming all those potatoes at 6:00 p.m. so if you're a parent you're now entitled to adoration from your children I'm going to start dinner I don't know what to say I summer is doing really well here she's hasted every test in potato class and look how important potatoes have become she's not getting pregnant or doing drugs or missing curfew please help me you can reach me if you try please help me that's not our business as long as summer is thriving Taco Time I hope it pleases you as the head desires that's wonderful summer we're so proud of you but obviously you don't have to make dinner every night of course I do silly oh my god daddy I'm sorry I called you silly I'm so sorry Heavenly heads and cranial Creator forgive my transgressions against family and community may my chores complete me as I complete [Music] them Morty bird person you appear to be dying I will make efforts to prevent this but can promise nothing what do you think ice probably a little overdeveloped shit overdeveloped underdeveloped bad song's a bad song well do you think maybe could you give me some help with it or a hell no man you do your thing but I can't afford to get my pride wrapped up in your shame you know what I'm saying ice I don't want to be a negative Nelly or anything but if Morty doesn't come back with my portal gun and I eat it out there it's uh you know kind of your problem too I ain't worried about no Earth blowing up man what why not yo this is why what the you can turn into ice My Story begins at the dawn of time in the far away realm of alphab betrium there every being is a letter of the alphabet but I was frozen and exiled to the cosmos by my elders as punishment for not caring enough about anything Earth is just one of my many stops on a lifelong journey with no destination so you better believe I don't care if it blows up because I'll just be ice floating through space like a comet take it from me ice you can't just float around space not caring about stuff forever man watch me Good Luck Rick okay things are getting out of hand I better make sure Rick has everything he needs to get Swifty oh for God's sakes that's enough what the hell are you doing Nathan I'm the goddamn president of the United States I'm setting the nuclear option to launch one minute into Earth's performance and you Mr President I hope you like being hit in the face with a gun wait wait wait why why I believe I can access the history of Rick's gun and help you get back to him but can you help me get to my family you know at my house is your intention to abandon Rick using his own portal gun in bird culture this is considered a dick move all of Rick's moves are dick moves what what am I eating what is this B bird seed it is random debris I found it in my carpet I don't know what humans eat you know what this human eats don't be gross Tammy bird Tammy gross bird person you always stick up for Rick but he doesn't care about anyone but himself he doesn't think about the consequences of anything he does and as a result he has the power to save or destroy entire worlds and he is the reason you and I know each other and the reason I'm alive at all what that who's that baby Morty suppose you could retrieve your family from Earth but had to abandon Rick I could give your loved ones shelter on Bird world even jobs possibly as worm ranchers how often do you think you might look up at the stars and wonder what might have been had you just put your faith in Rick that was chunky Tonk with full Ming Mong empty gorb dork up next planet earth oh God we're up Jerry and Beth your family is a golden example of what headism has to offer the world the world headism is a hit we're taking it worldwide and we'd like Jerry to be our Church's head of advertising you would Beth we'd like to promote you from horse surgeon straight past human surgeon to head of medicine that's my dream that's my dream thank you this is all so overwhelming but uh absolutely not I'm sorry we've been waiting 16 years for our daughter to respect us but the key is it has to be our daughter not this person person she's become we'll take our chances raising her without fancy new jobs outside of a potato based religion and you know what I'm I'm sick of pretending that we're together because of the kids in the first place I married you because you're the love of my life and I'm lucky to have you and I never tell you that you know we will come out of this stronger as a family please don't do this please don't do this summer summer listen carefully I stole a paper clip and I have it in my cheek but I don't know what to do with it and it hurts you're going to be okay you will come back as babies I am a baby I'm a baby now hello is anybody here Mr President this is Bluebird code Tango ner Alpha abort launch abort hello he's blocked me out sir I need to get to the stage and help Rick get Swifty it won't matter how shwifty you get Morty the General's got nuke set to launch halfway through Earth song oh my God can you fly a Blackhawk can the Pop's through a donut uh I'm not sure exactly show me what you [Music] got headward free now to rise hey look at the heads looks like the heads are getting angry I'm really bad at this Morty there are way too many buttons in this thing Mr President if I've learned one thing today it's that sometimes you have to not give a bo bo bo o tough crowd I'm sure that has that has nothing to do with this the heads are displeased summer [Music] um the heads love this they love it when we don't kill the Smith family no stop that you're not allowed to interpret the will of the heads call up the Nuclear Strike this is the president stop the nuclear missile launch Just Launch the [Music] missile boo not cool I'm the only one that speaks to the heads disqualified the heads disqualified vagina get him disqualified disqualified [Applause] [Music] ice tea that's right it's me ice tea I care now you made me care more with all due respect I'd like to hear what Rick and Morty have to play what do you say Rick I say let's do it hoay yeah all right oh yeah uhhuh here we go oh yeah say it with me head been over raise up posterior oh yeah head over yeah theer sing it with me now oh my God over yeah ra up posterior all right head over oh yeah raise the posterior after 988 seasons of Planet music the cromulons have decided to declare Earth the final winner and bring our musical reality show to a conclusion [Music] goodbye let's get a music album now did he just say musical reality show yeah it's possible that we may have been correlating some things that weren't actually related at all help we should go get them I hope I can call on you and Rick again if I need you Morty sure thing and I I was kind of hoping that I could get a self with you actually if you try to tell anyone what happened here we'll deny it and probably worse understood why didn't he turn into a snake trade secret Mr President particle beam in a wristwatch snake holster on the leg I love this man [Music] [Applause] [Music] magnesium J hydrogen F father word of your selfless axe on the Earth planet have traveled across the Galaxy I have changed I am ready to rejoin my brethren on alphab betrium very well your Exile ends [Music] today welcome home water tea the num maricons they're attacking stations father I love you son I should have never turned you to ice water T where are you going there's too many of them then I better crunch the numbers did you get any of that it's a good show [Music] [Music] anyway that's how I escape from space prison oh scary place wow Rick that's that's one one heck of a story I sure do wish I could have been there to see it happen oh come on who wants to watch a mad scientist use handmade sci-fi tools to take out highly trained alien guards when we can sit here and be a family at shony Dad it's great to have you back no matter where we are but wouldn't you like to go home emotionally speaking honey shony is my home yeah but you just got out of prison I mean how much of a step up from that is Jerry get out of the booth take all your clothes off and fold yourself 12 times you got it six folds huh what do you guys got me in a series 9000 you cheap insect didn't think I was worth your Best Equipment man I told the money bugs I said you know who this guy is right you want me to get Intel out of the smartest mammal in the Galaxy you better give me a decent brainalyzer well you might as well order some pancakes because I don't see the need to leave this part of my brain oh I think you do eventually you're either going to relax your cerebellum shies or the series 9000 is going to turn it into mush relaxed enough I admire you Rick RI [Laughter] here what's going on it's hard to tell he may have manifested some sort of butt he can do that he is the smartest man in the universe [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] I tell you the Galactic Federation taking over Earth best thing that's ever happened to this family I just got my sixth promotion this week and I still don't know what I do who cares how high they promote you everyone just gets paid in pills well when you're not sure what you do for a living you can make your own rules summer show your father some respect he's pulling down a six chewable figure income I'll get that in a moment how are everyone's pills how more do you probably touched your pills I kind of had big pills for lunch and I going to eat any more thank you Conroy you spoil us Conroy Grandpa Rick wouldn't put up with this stop saying his name he abandoned us Willam Defoe that's the guy I couldn't think of this morning don't make my mistake summer don't deify the people that leave you you'll end up a horse surgeon in a world controlled by aliens whose medicine keeps horses healthy forever horses live longer than tortoises now is that what you want for yourself maybe I just want you to car if I run away yelling who saved room for pill br oh I can see why you chose this familyfriendly restaurant to represent your sarabellum so safe so comfortable so shies but admit it Rick you're going crazy cooped up in here let's go visit some memor oh any particular ones you want to see my first boner or should we go straight to the moment I discovered interdimensional travel oo your little flappy Doodles are twitching does that mean you're aroused or did you just get a signal that one of your buddies found a grape it's arousal yes I'd like very much to visit the memory of you inventing your portal gun yeah well tough titties there's no tougher titty than a psychotic break Rick well that depends on who breaks first me or the titty someone special you remember is that your memory of her out there between where you were on 9/11 and your favorite sports blooper if we stay here you'll die along with all your memories if you take me where I want to go she'll be there too won't she the day I invented the portal gun is the day I lost her oh that sounds cool I can get what I want and you can say goodbye fine but I'm driving an excuse to strip away our freedom what are you what are you doing Grandpa Rick must have some secret lab right with like laser guns and jetpacks and a space tank and we can go break him out of prison look at these dead flies maybe if we arrange them in a certain order it plays a hologram or it opens a secret door summer you're freaking me out I know things have changed a lot and I know you miss Rick but getting him back wouldn't make things better and you know we're not doing so bad we're miserable Morty there's a mandatory curfew their weird calendar made me 47 and they weaponized the Eiffel Tower hey I like being 35 I can rent a car now because you suck you've been keeping your lips zipped about it since Grandpa got arrested but the fact is you're freaking stoked to bail on him he bails on everybody he bailed on mom when she was a kid he he bailed on tiny planet and in case I've never made this clear to you Summer he bailed on you he left you to rot in a world that he ruined because he doesn't care because nobody's special to him summer not even himself so if you really want your grandpa back grab a shovel the one that won't let you down is buried in your backyard you're right what no I'm not right I I was using ghoulish Overkill ghoulish Overkill summer oh God oh God W where are we going to the day it all began and ended the moment that changed everything welcome to McDonald's can I take your order yeah I'd like to get a 10piece McNugget and a bunch of the sesan sauce like as much as you're allowed to give me in 1998 they had this promotion for the Disney film Mulan where they where they they they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called sesan sauce and it's delicious and they got rid of it and now it's gone this is the only place we're going to be able to try it is in my memory Rick you're doing this bit while your brain is melting okay all right all right is that me I used to wear blue pants when didd you make the leap to interdimensional travel I didn't I did well well well if it isn't us you know the worst part about inventing teleportation suddenly you're able to travel the whole galaxy and the first thing you learn is you're the last guy to invent teleportation fortunately you're about to invent something much more powerful [Music] what summer nobody has to know about that we can put it right back and pretend we never saw it like we did with dad's mannequin leg fine stay here I'll rescue Grandpa myself and how are you going to do that I don't know yet I'll make it up as I go that's what Grandpa Rick does that's what Heroes do you want to see what a hero Rick is I'll bring you somewhere summer my goodness children relinquish the illegal technology to the nearest Federation representative and then we'll all play boulder down [Music] oh my goodness my oh my God I have that exact same top what is this place and what's with Hunger Game summer that's my sister this used to be my home imagine doing anything you want and hopping to a timeline where you never did it imagine going anywhere anytime with nobody able to stop you sounds lonely lonely dude you have yourself your infinite selves it's a Non-Stop party where all the guests are the only person we like you think it's cool being the smartest man on earth but once we give you this technology you become the smartest thing in every conceivable Universe the infinite Rick a god H pass excuse me bro Ricks don't pass on this who do you think you are a different kind of Rick I guess well we'll see how long that lasts I heard sci-fi noises did you make a breakthrough sort of I just took a long look at myself and I don't think this science thing is going to pay off well why don't I get bath and we'll go out for ice cream that Diane is the last great idea that will ever be had in this garage good roasted cronenburg I assume Mom you're looking feral I can't believe Rick did this these are the parts of Rick's Adventures you don't get to see the parts he leaves behind oh all right it's been great guys um I really only wanted to stop by here for a quick I told you so so uh looking for this what are you doing with that ins stinct of Rick no why why would you do that what is the matter with you people you're a bunch of back Savages backwood Savage morons you can never leave she cannot remain she stinks of R hold your fire hold your fire I'm already c137 we detected a compromised portal gun where is your Rick he's in prison summer he got captured by the Federation and we were going to rescue him very troubling we can't risk Citadel Secrets falling into the federation's hands we'll dispatch Seal Team Ricks immediately to break into the prison holding c137 booah and assassinate him Bo come on girls the ice cream's going to melt no wow this sauce is amazing you said it was promoting a [Music] movie carry the three add a two I got it I got it whoa is that it the portal yeah that's the three lines of math that separates My Life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost awesome Pome Mission Control you getting this holy shit yes yes we got it thanks Rick I'll try to remember to shut off the brainalyzer actually I think it shuts off automatically once your brain is liquid don't know don't care pull me out hey pull me out can you hear me NOP they cannot why not because the code you just uploaded wasn't actually my portal gun formula it was a virus giving me full control over the brainalyzer what are you talking about this is a memory you can't alter details of a memory true but you can alter anything you want about a totally fabricated origin story it's a trap abort I'm still in this shies repeat we never left his shies mission accomplished boys pull me out Roger that okay have fun in what's left of my brain I'm going to transfer to yours oh there's not enough room for all my genius so I'm leaving you with my fear of wicker furniture my desire to play the trumpet my tentative plans to purchase a hat and 6 years of improv workshops comedy comes in threes it's a trap abort we never left it [Music] another day another dollar my great insect creature or what gratulations agent you'll be highly commended for this always wait for permission to feel accomplishment that's my motto one thing still perplexes me why would Rick Sanchez turn himself in well I'm just a dumbass bug but it's possible Rick knew he'd be interrogated at this facility where we not only keep our most wanted but our most sensitive data anyone here with level 9 access could I don't know collapse the government I'm just going to go take a dump is it cool if I use use the level 9 bathroom what's the level 9 Master access code again oh that's easy 83 oh yeah DT R in the house hi Rick bye Rick d99 you okay bummed I didn't get to give that insect dick a test drive wait wait wait wait the Council of Rick send us we have your Morty and summer they're prisoners on the Citadel great security breach in room 6755 lovely not only is my plan screwed up I also forgot how to improvise security people approach a city of grandpas it's the Citadel of Ricks all the different Ricks from all the different realities got together to hide here from the government but if every Rick hates the government why would they hate Grandpa because Ricks hate themselves the most and our Rick is the most himself not anymore homie Seal Team Ricks turned his unibrow into two brows with a bullet Rick's dead [Music] dead sir Rick d99 is returning from the mission alone apparently Seal Team Rick suffered heavy casualties bring him in he says he'll only talk to a rick with higher clearance bla give me that d99 this is the commanderin-chief of the citadel's militia good good enough enough he's a spy blow him up I'm going to go take a shit operating an unregistered portal gun radicalizing a summer conspiring with a traitorous Rick how do you plead how is this a fair trial our lawyer is a Morty it's not fair you have no rights and he's not a lawyer we just keep him here because he's fun look at him go yeah we'll be lenient if you renounce your Rick what say you summer I say F you my grandpa was my hero you killed him because you were jealous of him that's pretty obvious from the haircut so do what you want to me but let my brother go he already renounced Rick Morty what no I don't want to see your POG collection I don't renounce Rick and I never have I was just trying to protect my sister I wanted you to have a normal life that's something you can't have when Rick shows up everything real turns fake everything right is wrong all you know is that you know nothing and he knows everything and well well he's not a villain summer but he shouldn't be your hero he's more like a demon or a supered up god let's not suck the ghost of his too hard he was a terrorist and now he's dead oh yeah if you think my Rick's Dead He's Alive and if you think you're safe he's coming for [Music] you hey whoa whoa what are you doing in here this area is for teleporting the entire Citadel to somewhere else using only buttons and dials yeah well it's a bad idea to have it designed that way then isn't it [Music] what the we just teleported into a galactic federal prison I'm going to go take a shit Order in the Court wa what the hell oh my God wait wait wait wait no no no The Citadel has been teleported to Federation space it's doomed this has to be c137 you guys you know he's coming for us all right calm down we have his summer as a hostage obviously I get her you guys play Rick laser scissors for the Morty what the hell is that payback Grandpa Rick duh you're alive Rick Morty take this you're going to need it later hold on hold on that's enough Rick what what's this supposed to accomplish we have infinite grandkids you're trying to use Disney bucks at a Caesar's Palace here hey that's a bluff he's bluffing sir he loves me you're a rogue Rick irrational passionate you love your grandkids you came to rescue them I came to kill you bro that's not even my original summer oh my God he's not bluffing he's not bluffing Rick why not shoot through her 20 yards I engaged Plasma Pistol my first shot would liquefy her insides and injure you second shot adds recoil the risk to me is minimized if I wait for you to shoot her which I'm encouraging you to do what the or let her go which I will reward with a quicker death because you love her because it's incentive for you to give me my clean a shot which will be your least painful death but if you want to die slower than that I'm super into it all you got to do to get that started is kill the girl I hate you not an issue sweetie that's enough drop the gun Rick Morty I know you're too stupid to get this but you're really this up right now I'm not letting you let my sister die drop the gun I wasn't going to let her die you moron the point is he thought I was going to I totally did by the way you're a moron Morty Morty youing idiot you're a serious idiot Morty you basically killed us all as dumb as AAG IDI Mor thing I've ever laid eyes ID morid who's stupid now bitch Morty we just got him back that was amazing Morty oh my God wow okay let's wrap this up good job Morty let's go kids what what happened oldest Rick trick in the book fake gun shoot me and standoff brilliant yeah good thing I saw that note can they just portal home not until I finished what I started that is how you get level 9 access without a password freeze Employee of the Month ladies and gentlemen so what are you doing with level 9 access anyways destroying the galactic government awesome are you going to settle their nukes to Target each other or or or reprogram their military portals to disintegrate their entire space Fleet good pitches kids I'm almost proud but watch closely as grpa topples an Empire by changing a one to a zero Mr President the Blen fl's value just dropped to nothing what do you mean I mean our single centralized Galactic currency just went from being worth one of itself to zero of itself calm down people deploy the galactic militia and declare martial law yes sir uh what should I pay them with their payment is the honor they'll feel to serve their wait who's paying me to yell at this guy I can answer that for money I never thought I'd live to see this gentlemen gentlemen there's a solution here you're not seeing give me your jacket me those [Applause] people one more controls the P controls the [Music] Galaxy no longer will the insects have domain on the surface world Cherry what the hell is happening the galactic government collapsed are you okay look I'm not proud to share this but the truth is I just kept crawling and it kept working oh I'm glad you're okay are we ever going to stop paying for indulging your father our children our planet our jobs is there anything left to lose just each other and I'll never let you go and I'm so sorry I ever did this to us guess who dismantled the government please don't leave me again I never will baby I was right he turned himself in on purpose it was all part of his plan Jerry is there any light beer left it's insane what you miss in prison um okay no no no no foot down time no you're right where's the vodka Beth it's him or me seems like you guys need some privacy I'll uh I'll be in the garage what the not cool Jerry a man's garage is his [Music] castle Jerry's going to spend some time divorced oh I'm sorry to hear that sweetie I hope I had nothing to do with that oh god dad that is not your burden to bear I feel terrible that I misjudged you this is going to be good for Jerry forever everybody for everybody I better tend to Jerry before he changes his mind and doesn't move out I will leave you two to your adventures oh my God Nancy says they're drawing and quartering aliens in the school Courtyard and it technically counts as patriotism jeez are my parents seriously going to get divorced all right Rick I'm going to go to my H not so fast Morty you heard your mom we've got Adventures to go on Morty just you and me and sometimes your sister and sometimes your mom but never your dad you want to know why Morty because he crossed okay take it easy Rick that's dark oh it gets darker Morty welcome to the darkest year of our adventures first thing that's different no more dad Morty he threatened to turn me into the government so I made him and the government go away oh I've replaced them both as the deao patriarch of your family and your Universe your mom wouldn't have accepted me if I came home without you and your sister so now you know the real reason I rescued you I just took over the family Morty and if you tell your mom or sister I said any of this I'll deny it and they'll take my side because I'm a hero Morty now you're going to have go and do whatever I say Morty forever and I I'll go out and I'll find some more of that Mulan sesan Teriyaki dipping sauce Morty because that's that's what this is all about Morty that's my one armed man I'm not driven by avenging my dead family Morty that was fake I'm driven by finding that McNugget sauce I want that Mulan McNugget sauce Morty that's my series AR Morty if it takes nine Seasons I want my McNugget tipping sauce San sauce Morty that's what's that's going to take us all way Morty season nine more seasons Morty nine more seasons until I get that dipping sesan SA for 97 more years Morty I want that McNugget sauce Morty [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] is it ready yes we can bring it online now do it I am Phoenix person Phoenix person is that what we settled on I thought we all agreed on Cyber bird you said you didn't care what he was called as long as we brought him back yeah but Phoenix person fine it who cares [Music] did you get any of that [Music] [Music] don't worry about Jerry he's going to be fine you hear me Jerry you're going to be fine o watch out for that stuff it'll stain if it gets on your clothes and it'll send you into a murderous rage if it gets in your eyes or mouth why would you keep mutant bacteria in a pint of Cherry Garcia I know this isn't the time but you know technically the second freezer drawer is mine not anymore you're overreacting we're losing him all right fine but you're not touching my crisper is he going to die don't worry Dr glyp glop is the best in the alaxy hello I'm Dr glipglop [Applause] oh what every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the G Galaxy it's like those pizza places that claim to have the best pizza in the world what do you think they have pizza contest have you ever been to a pizza contest go in the waiting room dad fine excuse me coming through what are you here for just kidding I don't care well this won't do hey what are you doing doing a sequel I don't understand yeah me neither we pretty much nailed it the first [Music] time man versus car the newest hit show where it pits a man versus a car on tonight's episode Michael Jenkins fights a regular old car here we go he's pushing his way through he's trying to fight that car but the car seems to have the upper hand oh he's got a little bit of push back there oh no he just got ran over and chewed up by the tires I guess that's another one for the cars wouldn't the cars always Samantha I need to know that you understand that I have a couple of eyeholes I do I do understand about your eyeh holes here look at my eyeh holes oh my God you have eight eyle holes oh I'm looking through your eyeholes yes look through my eyeh holes oh oh oh oh I'm the eyehole man I'm the only one that's allowed to have eye holes get up on out of here with my eyeh holes eye holes get them today Ikea you got to be careful Morty if that guy catches you with the box of his eye holes he comes bursting in through a window and just starts kicking the shit out of you but it's worth the risk they melt in your mouth Morty they're delicious Dad I can't believe you're explaining alien cereal we're worried about Jerry well you're 39 years too late or you know however old he is is he is he 5050 Jesus Christ Beth is is Jerry 50 where am I relax Mr Smith you're in an alien hospital I mean to you it's an alien hospital to me you're just in a hospital there's another matter we need to discuss with you okay an hour ago shrimp Ley pimples the Galaxy's most influential civil rights leader was brought to this hospital's emergency room where he is currently fighting for his life my God Mr Smith shrimply pibbles life can be saved if we replace his heart with your human penis I see wait what it's perfect the configuration of veins the ratio of thickness to elasticity the delicate asymmetry of what you call your balls and with relatively few adjustments your genitals can be molded into a functioning heart for the most important man in the universe yeah but I mean don't forget it I told you this was a waste of time have respect y the Earth man's world is Tiny and undeveloped he knows nothing of the genocides of chlorgon or the tragic events of 6534 32.2 314 and even if he did he wouldn't comprehend them I've dwelt among the humans their entire culture is built around their penises it's funny to say they are small it's funny to say they are big I've been at parties where humans have held bottles pencils thermoses in front of themselves and called out hey look at me I missed a so and so dick I've got such and such for a penis I never saw it failed to get a laugh all right that's enough you guys are talking about my species we understand genocide we do it sometimes then you would give your penis so that shrimply pibbles might live stop asking yes I will that's right assholes take my penis take it all and tell shrimply bibbles that when the Galaxy Came Calling Jerry Smith from Earth didn't Flinch hey what's wrong Morty oh you're worried about your dad huh huh uh no no no I'm just I'm just looking at that lady over there getting coffee what's up with her face is she a human or is she like Warf you know Warf from Star Trek how he has all that shit all over his face but he's just a human in a costume you know Morty let's see what else is on huh okay and now we're back to how did I get here the only show that makes you ask yourself how did I get here here's our first person oh oh my God how did I get here hello how did I get here somebody help me please all right holy crap look it's that lady with the shit on her face like warp from Star Trek that that was getting coffee how did she get there oh my God Morty how did she get there how did she get there is that something we should be concerned about just stay away from the coffee machine calling all Jan Michael Vincent calling all Jan Michael Vincent in a world where there's eight J Michael Vincent we need one J Michael Vincent to quadrant C we need two J Michael Vincent to quadrant e and 16 quadrants there's only enough time for Jan Michael Vincent to make it to a quadrant he can't be at two quadrants at once hey Rick who who is Jan Michael Vincent oh man I'm trying to remember Morty Jan Michael Vincent are used up I need a goddamn J Michael Vincent is it important that we know who who Jan Michel Vincent was in order to get this nope I refused to sign the legislation that allows more than eight Jan Michel Vincent to pre this January it's time to Michael down your Vincent Jan quadrant Vincent 16 who that's Jan Michaels excuse me nurse can you take my temperature because I think I have Jan quadrant Vincent fever over here all right Morty you done it so we'll be detaching your sexual organ at the base by making incisions here here and here got it leaving a partial length of severed urethra to be threaded through oh you know what I got to I got to laugh at myself here I'm having a little laugh at myself because I just realized I haven't run this whole decision past my wife oh do you think she'll be okay with this oh absolutely Beth is automatically on board always with every decision I make hey I'm Steely follow me and my adventure through this office all right here we go we're going to just steal a couple of things excuse me can I help you starting with common office objects hey hey hey that's my stuff such as staplers and pins and all sorts of things like such as that that's it I'm calling security but [Music] no all right okay now we're in the quiet safe room where none of the people whose stuff I stole can get to us now let's look at all theu stuff we got we got a bag of bobbish that's eight rapples we got a plumbus that's 6 and 1/2 rapples we got uh uh a CR Crush red party cups 15 and 1/2 rapples welcome back to funny songs it's all improvised it's very funny I need to volunteer from the audience um long time fan of the show uh what do you do what's your profession I am a taex attorney okay here we go hit hit the music oh I'm a taex attorney oh jeez so forget about everybody else forget about Jesus Christ forget about Muhammad forget about uh all those religions the end oh my god oh that was so so funny thank you you're welcome hey um security guards take them out get them out of here get the Orthodox out of no why take him out of this audience kill him sick him demons suck his life out I don't give a shit Smith family yes I wanted to let you all know that Jerry is doing just fine y it it's good news but Mrs Smith could you come with me hi honey so here's the thing these guys they want to completely remove my penis and use it as an alien's heart and we just need you to sign off on it what uh-oh maybe we got a problem here after all guys yikes his penis will be replaced with a sophisticated prosthetic now there's a wide range of options to choose from they're all in this catalog I don't care about Prosthetics this is insane what do you people think you're doing I understand your feelings Mrs Smith oh I don't think you do I I bring my husband in for emergency treatment he's gone an hour and now you want his penis and you hand me some catalog it's it's it's it's it's I mean sheesh well there you go I'm sorry I know it's hard to understand but on Earth love comes first there are those that believe Mr Smith that shrimply pibbles represents love between all life his fate will determine the fate of hundreds of billions of sentient life forms whoa whoa so billions of life forms hundreds of billions I mean Jerry you didn't explain the full gravity of the situation uh well Beth I don't think your decision should be based on politics who could argue with a wife's decision to keep her lover intact well I don't think that's fair at all Jerry at all in fact the whole Paradigm has sexist overtones be can we talk about this privately you I think the bottom line is Jerry if you want to keep your penis you should say out loud I prefer to keep my penis but Beth what kind of man would say something like that if the universe needed his penis well Jerry what kind of wife would I be if I did anything to stand in your way Hey listen is your mouth tiny and small then why don't you come down a little bits little bits where where the food is Tiny it's looks like regular food but really tiny you put it in your mouth and eat it nothing gets stuck in your lips it's just tiny and Tiny and fits right in fits right in Little Bits we got tiny of lasagna tiny Pizza tiny pie M little tiny fried eggs oh shit we got tiny people little beds you hungry come on down little bits eat some shit you stupid bitch just kidding you've got some time to kill before the procedure so I assume you'd like to uh use your penis One Last Time here's my computer it's got the alien internet on it there's some porn and there's an alien towel I actually got that on another planet so it is an alien towel to me good luck thanks what is this H hey wait a minute oh uh Mr Smith oh yeah just masturbating I forgot to mention there are extensive medical records open on my desktop and I trust you to confine your activities to the purely pornographic absolutely good luck my God Mr pibbles you just wrote my P is a oneway ticket to staying on my body town it's the opposite news with Michael Thompson hey everybody it's me Michael Thompson today the pope didn't get killed he's perfectly fine and he's on vacation in Aruba and other opposite news information what's the deal with this guy why is his body like sloping off to the right side of the screen like that I don't know Morty see what else is on huh hey welcome to cooking things I'm pel Thompson hey wait a minute Rick this guy's body is like sloping down and leaning off to screen left oh my God and his name's P I'm cooking a little bit of this I'm going to cook a little bit of that hey stop tugging Michael oh my God siamese twins they're they're siamese twins you quit tugging I I'm in the middle of my news oh oh it's always about you isn't it can you believe this guy ladies and gentlemen he's got his own news show he's got a normal name he flip back to the news oh yeah yeah yeah you can tell our parents started with naming with him it's like oh Michael I had they had that one planned before they even got pregnant I bet I don't want to be that girl but maybe there would be less conflict if they didn't shoot their shows at the same time oh summer you have no idea how much money that must save production and then they found out I was attached along for the ride and they said ah shit well just it call him pel you P you're a piece of shit good afternoon I know all of you are wondering about the condition of our dear beloved pibbles which would you prefer between the xp20 and the xp20 XS I prefer my own penis and so you the brave Earthman whose sacrifice is going to allow shrimply pibbles to live Mr Jerry Smith hello everyone let's hear it again for shrimply pibbles huh he's a good guy isn't he I've only just been learning about his accomplishments from his march on FLIR blurt Square to his ongoing battle with Heroin dependency he's the best um yeah well it it occurs to me that his heroin addiction may not have been a matter of public record you realize heroin makes up 10% of the atmosphere on shrimply pb's own Planet his planet was destroyed by claran death squads he can't live outside of it without breathing heroin right I know that I just think this guy's trying to get out of giving away his [Music] [Applause] penis today on how they do it plumbuses everyone has a plumbus in their home first they take the Dingle Bop and they smooth it out with a bunch of schle the schle is then repurposed for later batches they take the Dingle Bop and they push it through the grumbo where the flee is rubbed against it it's important that the flee is rubbed because the flee has all of the flee juice then a schami shows up and he rubs it and spits on it they cut the flee there's several hazards in the way the bamps rub against the chumbles and the plubis and grumbo are shaved away that leaves you with a regular old plumbus I always wondered how uh plumbuses got made hey welcome back to personal space I'm your host Philip Jacobs and let me tell you I care about my personal space whoa whoa hey who's around me right now who's around around me now why don't we step up here and everybody get stepped up and let's get some stepped up personal space up in this place here we go we get a one personal space two personal space three stay out of my personal space four keep away from my personal space five get out of that personal space six stay away from my personal space seven keep away from that personal space eight personal Space Nine personal space you know I take personal space pretty seriously up to the point that I don't even care about this I'm not even interested in having this skin on my personal space Oh my God it hurts gross what an asshole oh to0 next week to the best show ever the show we all grew in love the personal space show more personal space next Tuesday at 8 up next the heat is turning up with Samantha and the boys on the [Applause] [Music] northsiders if you could all just stop screaming and chanting and making whatever that gesture mem come on please everyone I have news about shrimply pibbles word of Jerry Smith trying to weasel out of his penis donation has spread across the Galaxy beings everywhere have come together to offer what little they have to help save shrimp ley's life enough to pay for a brand new state-of-the-art synthetic heart that will be even better than Mr Smith's pathetic penis wait that was an option the whole time you guys suck yeah we suck are you still here okay Jerry let's head home I can't leave now everyone hates me unfortunately there's no surgical procedure that can fix that or is there scalpel scalpel Nano doctor Nano doctor Nano scalpel Nano scalpel okay we're ready not so fast Mr Smith what are you doing are you insane I'm a good person and I demand that you cut off my penis and put it in that man's chest that's not how it works well you're going to make it work I'm octopus man I'm octopus man I'm a marine biologist who was bitten by an octopus and now I'm I help people I save people I'm a troublesome octopus person uh-oh I got to save some trouble cuz here comes a trouble M gross does all interdimensional TV have to rely on juvenile violence well summer maybe people that create things aren't concerned with your delicate sensibilities you know maybe the species that communicate with each other through the filter of your comfort are less of all than the ones that just communicate maybe your problems are your own to deal with and maybe the public giving a shit about your feelings is a one-way ticket to Extinction jeez Morty I take it C he finger hasn't texted you back yet I don't want to talk about it okay guys let's go home where's Dad breaking news shrimply pibbles is being held hostage by the human known as Jerry Smith remove my penis holy crap it's cool it's fine it's got to be from an alternate reality right are you sure I don't know do it do it remove my penis sir Put the gun down and step away from Mr pbes Jerry dad what are you doing I'm a good person I'm a good person where did he get a gun who gave him a gun that's not a gun that's xp20 XS no oh my God I'm a good [Music] person no hey how's it going this is my butthole ice cream parlor I got all kinds of ice cream peanut butter and jelly vanilla chocolate and every flavor served out of a butthole just like you're back home dad what happened where am I was it all a dream no you were shot like 50 times 57 thankfully you're in a super sophisticated alien hospital so it was basically like getting a splinter removed all I wanted was for everyone to like me Jerry remember that time you left a comment underneath that YouTube video and someone replied and called you a dumbass so you replied and told them it takes one to no one and then you stayed up all night hitting Refresh on your browser waiting for them to reply and then you fell asleep crying I remember it differently this is like that you can't make people like you you just have to wait for hating you to bore them you know you're right I shouldn't be motivated by other people's opinions of me all right guys let's go home if it's all the same to you Rick I'd like to go to the zoo with my family what what are you talking about a stupid idea the matter with you hey I'm sorry I'm sorry we'll go home what the hell is he talking about [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] I'm the ihole man what is going give me my ey give me my ey is M you have out of here with my ey did you get any of that it's a good show [Music] jeez I can't believe we found a version of Earth with a ball fonders movie franchise I can't believe the things this reality considers PG-13 yeah I'm pretty jealous don't be Morty there's pros and cons every alternate timeline fun facts about this one it's got giant telepathic spiders 11 911s and the best ice cream in the Multiverse we're going to go get some ice cream motherfucker oh great oh boy what's wrong RI is it the quantum carburetor or something Quantum carburetor Jesus Morty you can't just add a Sci-Fi word to a car word and hope it means something huh looks like something's wrong with the microverse battery we're going to have to go inside um go inside what the battery Morty be right back summer stay put don't touch any buttons and ignore all random thoughts that feel spidery wait you can't leave me here you'll be fine ship keep summer Safe Keep summer safe ah wonderful hey excuse me hello um what you think you're better than me nobody's better than me me hey hey summer sa hey man what the hell that was my daughter's pediatrition no stop don't kill him confirmed oh God I can't feel my legs help help summer is safe I don't feel safe confirmed no oh God help me help me help me please you can help me [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh man where are we Rick Morty remember 8 seconds ago and when you said go inside what and I said the battery and then we showed up here and I wasn't like whoa this is unexpected this is not what I was expecting Morty what a perplexing mystery this is we're inside the battery I get it you don't have to bust my balls huh this isn't right this pipe is supposed to be sending 20 ter of juice up to the engine Morty instead we've got zero now what are these people doing whoa who people it's time for some Hands-On engine repair all right Morty hold on to something holy crap I thought we were inside your car battery Rick this is like a whole planet or something thanks Morty I'm pretty proud of this bad boy check it out I put a spatially tessellated void inside a modified temporal field until a planet developed intelligent life I then introduced that life to the wonders of electricity which they now generate on a global scale and you know some of it goes to power my engine and charge my phone and stuff you have a whole planet sitting around making your power for you that's slavery it's Society they work for each other Morty they pay each other they buy houses they get married and make children that replace them when they get too old to make power that just sounds like slavery with extra steps Ooh La La someone's going to get late in college it appears we are being Revisited by the alien known as Rick who once gave our world the gift of Google boox technology which when stomped on generates electricity powering our homes and businesses improving our daily lives while safely removing the dangerous waste power to a special disposal volcano but why has Rick returned and what will he say when he hears the big news let's find out you need to tell these people they're in a battery Rick it's messed up there's Caterers down there they're setting up chafing dishes would you relax Morty there's nothing dishonest about what we're doing now slap on these antenna these people need to think we're aliens what why obviously you really know nothing about about car repair wait for the ramp Morty they love the slow ramp really gets their dicks hard when they see this ramp just slowly extending down greetings Morty got to flip them off I told them it means peace among Worlds how hilarious is that coming through two real aliens walking through here Rick our alien friend uh Mr President um couldn't help but notice that you were having problems generating power that's correct we've evolved our most brilliant scientist Zep zanor has developed a source of energy that makes Goole boxes obsolete I would love to see it fuck you what did you say to me fuck you you told me it means much obliged oh great uh blow me no no no blow me zeep you have an honored guest from beyond the stars I said 12 Quantum stabilizers not 11 fix it or it's your ass Chris I'm in the middle of something Z this is Rick the alien Rick the alien Rick the alien really you're going to pull that move I guided your entire civilization your people have a holiday named Rick's giving they teach kids about me in school I dropped out of school it's not a place for smart people oh snap listen to me you arrogant little Rick was hoping to see your new energy source I think he could learn a lot from you zeep fine it's hard for people to grasp but inside that container is an infinite Universe with a planet capable of generating massive amounts of power I call it a miniverse dum name excuse me nothing I mean it's hard for us to comprehend all this would it be possible for us to get some kind of tour of your miniverse from the inside this isn't a fucking Chocolate Factory I don't have time didn't you say time goes more slowly in the miniverse relative to the real world yes Chris thanks for reminding me of that great president all right let's go hold on to something I put an unbounded vacuum inside a temporal field until a world developed I then introduce the people of this world to the wonders of electricity in the form of a device I call a flu crank what they don't know is that 80% of every crank's energy output gets channeled out of the miniverse to be used by US no more Goole boxes I got to tell you Z with no disrespect I really think what you're doing here is unethical it's not cool what you got the people on this world slaving away meing your power I mean that's what I call slavery no no no they work for each other in exchange for money which they then well that just sounds like slavery with extra steps EK barbad durkl somebody's going to get laid in college rck a word what the hell was that I know eek Bara durkl it's a pretty fucked up o laa no what are you doing telling this guy that his many verse is unethical do you not see the hypocrisy here holy crap you're right Morty hypocrisy somewhere on this planet there's got to be an arrogant scientist prick on the verge of microverse technology which would threaten to make seeps flal cranks obsolete forcing de to say micr verses are bad at which point he'll realize what a hypocrite he's being his people will go back to stomping on their Google boxes and you and I will be on ice cream Street baby eating that motherfucking ice cream slurping slurping slurping it up why why are you making that face holy shit it's me I've convinced the people of this planet that I'm a traveler From Another World you don't think that's overdoing it a little I mean you could achieve the same effect with a pair of never mind you know what I shouldn't be so critical I'm an alien places please we're about to [Music] land too fast law enforcement converging on location keep summer safe no no no don't hurt anybody confirm custom defense protocol keep summer safe no physical Force yes processing come out of the vehicle with your hands in the air scanning ass salance psychological option detected gestating gestating come out with your hands up or we will be forced to open fire incoming got a device bom bom daddy oh my God Hunter Daddy what the hell Jesus Christ cease fire stay back Hunter daddy Hunter sir oh my dear sweet God Hunter oh my boy my boy I'm sorry I'm sorry it was all my fault I'm sorry Daddy leave the car alone what what leave car alone Hunter go oh my God go stay here Hunter no God hun all of you have loved ones all can be returned all can be taken away please step away from the vehicle keep summer safe and if you continue to turn your flal cranks I will bring you other great alien advancements hey uh let me ask you something yes any of your uh scientists working on anything new all of them that's their job yeah yeah yeah but I mean like energy wise anyone working on say a little Universe in a box how do you know about that it's top secret so remember a crank a day is not nearly enough crank it I told them this means peace among Worlds how hilar hilarious is that re really funny Z hey Z the fake president of your fake world has something fake important to show you it's not much now but once I learn to accelerate the temporal field I'll be able to interact with any sentient life that evolves and introduce them to the wonders of electricity via a pulley based device I call a blue yank but what they won't know is you'll be taking most of their energy yeah yeah yeah I get it it's show time [Music] you do realize this will make the flal crank obsolete this is wrong Kyle what you're doing is wrong you're basically this is slavery you're talking about creating a planet of slaves told you zeep oh they won't be slaves they'll work for each other and pay each other money that just sounds like slavery with extra STS what wait a minute did you create my universe is my universe a miniverse microverse uh teeny verse you bastard much obliged what the hell is happening this is healthy trust me you're my battery motherfucker that's all you are I made you your microverse sucks and your miniverse is the size of a fucking Lobster tank it's whack are they not really aliens no they're just a couple of crazy wacky scientists you know so he made a universe and that guy is from that universe and that guy made a universe and that's the the universe where I was born where my father died and where I couldn't make time for his funeral because I was working on my universe yeah science huh ain't it a thing you know one time Rick accidentally shot his laser pistol right through my hand you know I mean like old lady science you know she she's she's she's a real you got to hang on tight you know because she she she bucks pretty hard oh boy oh my God no ters come on come on come on pterodactyl asshole when I get out of this teeny verse I'm going to smash it to pieces with you in it yeah well when I get out of this teeny verse I'm going to get out of the surrounding miniverse and then the microverse around that and guess what don't make things worse Rick uh he's not going to destroy your Universe you know we we needed to start our car that's what you use my universe for to run your car yeah but don't flatter yourself there's always AAA you fucking cocksucker what's he doing what's he crafting I can craft stuff too pal just like I crafted your reality you crafty son of a ow I crafted the guy that created the planet you're standing on yeah and I made the stars that became the carbon in your mother's ovaries I didn't ask to be born all right that's it I'm out I'm going to go into the wilderness and I'm going to make a new life for myself among the tree people it can't be worse than this sure okay Morty just be back before Sundown or the tree people will eat you that's a myth why are you trying to start a myth it's a prehistoric Planet Morty someone has to bring a little culture and it it certainly can't be someone whose entire culture Powers my break lights go go go oh my God oh God what are we going to do now I am unable to destroy this Army to clarify I am quite able to destroy this Army but you will not permit it correct you also refuse to authorize emotional countermeasures if you're talking about the melting ghost babies yes please no more of that confirmed I am currently constructing a security measure in compliance with your parameters but I do want to say you are not making this easy you know you're kind of a dick right my function is to keep summer safe not keep summer being like totally stoked about like the general Vibe and stuff that's you that's how you [Music] talk hey that's my [Music] deer I hope your God is as big a dick as you my God's the biggest dick that's never existed why do you think I'm even here [Music] you're here because you created someone smarter than you oh I thought we were both here because I created a universe of [Music] idiots K Shala holy shit Morty I haven't seen you in months you're leading the tree people huh that's a step up we have no leaders we follow only the will of the forest ooh wow gay that is pretty gay you two call yourselves Geniuses but you have spent this time learning nothing come with me into the forest there is something I wish to teach you this is C Allah the spirit tree for Generations it has guided the you have to get us the fuck out of here these people are backward Savages they eat every third Bab because they think it makes fruit grow bigger everyone's gross and they all smell like piss all the time I I I miss my family I miss my laptop I masturbated to an extra curvy piece of Driftwood the other day look I I don't care what it takes you two are putting aside your bullshit and you're working together to get us back home no can't do Morty I just can't I just don't see how I can Dona you're smart you'll figure it out you have 10 seconds to get out of the ship 10 9 [Music] all not bad I guess you're an okay Proto recombinator I've certainly seen worse ionic cell dioxin if this works drinks are on me if drinks are on you you're going to need a second mortgage on that Tower I'm an alcoholic opium addict all right okay okay okay wrap it up you guys are the fucking worst your gods are alive fuck you fuck nature and fuck trees yes you did it yes hey uh how about that drink sure I just need to go grab my wallet from inside my ship oh is your wallet in your ship that's where the transporter is too so why don't we come with it's cool I'll be back in a sec you know how long a second can take in a microverse run Morty that asshole is willing to risk everything he cares about just to defeat me he's psychotic Morty hop on my back why go go Sanchez SK shoes eight still oh hey guys I just finished cooking us a feast you monster whoa Bad Tour seven hey you got to sign out nothing you do matters Your Existence is a lie if that were really true then I'm here to see Ron Mendon third floor would you like like to go to dinner you may have created this universe Rick but I liveing it shit what are we going to do Rick we're so screwed he's going to get to the ship and smash the microverse and then then he's going to kill us quick Morty you got to turn into a car what a long time ago I implanted you with a subdermal chip that can call upon dormant Nanobots in your bloodstream to restructure your anatomy and turn you into a car oh my God concentrate Morty concentrate and turn into a car Morty never mind here's a taxi get in it's F six hey z h happy ricksgiving [Music] bitch we did it Morty now let's get out of here and destroy this whole universe excuse me f sir holy hell sir hold your fire what's going on I have brokered a peace agreement between the giant spiders and the government thanks to the skilled diplomacy of this mysterious space car from this day forward human and spider kind will live side by side in peace we will stop bombing them and they will no longer use their telepathic abilities to make us wander into webs for later consumption instead we will work together to make this world a better place for all no matter how many legs what do we do about the space car leave it alone I mean what did it really do anyways kill a guy and paralyze his buddy not a bad trade for spider piece all right that's it move out I love this spider summer is safe all right I get it rick don't do it you quit school but you still got some learning to do class dismissed jeez you all right uh-huh what are you doing Rick I'm pretty sure the battery's dead oh you think so huh Morty well let's see hey wait huh I don't get it of course you don't but Zep did he knew that once I got back to my car one of two things was going to happen I was going to have to toss a broken battery or the battery wouldn't be broken [Music] peace among worlds Rick Jesus yeah listen to that baby purr you were right Morty we really just needed to be honest with those guys all right here we go thank you see Morty this is what it's all about this is why we do what we do uhhuh ew what the hell Jesus there's flies in my ice cream presidential decree all ice cream is now for all beings no matter how many legs what the fuck did you do summer it was your ship your stupid ship don't blame my ship my ship doesn't do anything unless it's told to do something I don't even want to hear it summer your boobs are all hanging you ruined ice with your boobs [Music] oh [Applause] [Music] [Applause] did you get any of that it's a good [Music] show Steve I just got a weird email did you buy US airline tickets oh shoot it was supposed to be a surprise I wanted to thank you for letting me live here all this time so I'm treating the family to a vacation Steve you're so sweet thanks Uncle Steve uncle ever Lookout world the Smith family is going to Paris Rick I don't like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash well I don't like your unemployed jeans and my grandchildren Jerry but life is made of little concessions I you know what I you're going to land on your feet jar some company out there's going to think they're lucky stars they hired my little brother who the are you my goofy brother Steve he's been living here almost a year now are you losing your mind Hey someone's been spending too much time on glowing rocks am I right my everybody just relax for a second there's no such thing as an uncle Steve that is an Alien Parasite but I've known him my whole life no you haven't Jerry these telepathic little bastards they embed themselves in memories and they use those to multiply and spread out and take over planets it's it's disgusting Steve wasn't real he's a real piece of shit this is a big one somebody probably tracked in last week on the bottom of their shoe or on a piece of alien fruit someone get off the high road summer we all got pink eye because you won't stop texting on the toilet but Uncle Steve taught me how to ride a bike no Steve put that memory in your brain so we could live in your house eat your food and multiply we could be infested with these things so we got to keep an eye out for any zany wacky characters that pop up oh we whatever you want Rick we're here to help thanks Mr Poopy but hole I always could count on you [Music] [Applause] [Music] all right there's six of us and that's it me Morty Jerry Beth Mr Poopy butthole and summer maybe you got the first one in time Rick can't afford to chance it Dad why does our house have blast Shields trust me Beth you don't want to know how many answers that question has oh gosh it feels claustrophobic reminds me of that time we all got stuck in the elevator together remember that after the Hulk Musical Jerry buttons don't work better if you hit them harder and foam fists don't make you strong I know friends make you strong I watch the same musical you did why couldn't I bring my portal gun why did all the drinks have to be extra large oh the Hulk I just got that just pee your pants I did it the minute we got stuck oh oh yeah yeah shame me at least when I'm disgusting it's on purpose oh y'all we're going to be fine I've always been here for you guys and I always will be somebody call for repairs oh yeah cin it's me cousin Nikki I'm walking here I mean I'm not I'm crouching the Elevator Shaft but hey I'm walking here it's true we really do get into some crazy situations as a family mostly when we're cooped up like this hey maybe Mr Poopy Pants is right let's get some fresh air come on cousin Nikki you heard Rick we have to stay quarantined until we know that there's know more of these things I hear you Morty back in Brooklyn we got a saying we're walking here Nikki what the cousin Nikki was a parasite six Morty there's supposed to be six of us if there's seven then that means somebody's not real but how did you know it was Nikki I guessed that's why I aimed for his shoulder so we can't trust any of our memories now Nikki was the reason we found that old Nazi submarine did that not even happen well of course it happened now that I possess the mighty St of rubaba the ver will tremble before the fourth Reich this is the last time I asked you for help on my history final Rick hey we got a word for Nazis back in Brooklyn pal un comfortable being called a Nazi you think there's some other word that will hurt my feelings yeah think before you talk shit Raba help me kill America Mr Bard after due consideration I have elected not to retire Thank God now I believe someone has a final exam to attend set a course for Morty's high school perhaps unbiased but if that story never happened then I wouldn't still be the family Butler Dare To Dream wait and if Mr board wasn't our Butler it's safe to say the family wouldd be in a hell of a lot of trouble no don't flash back you're just going to make more swelling don't worry Jerry we called the fire department you know they won't come here anymore marmalade is [Music] served I guess I take back what I said about British Cuisine take that we're trying to sleep I don't want to go to the dance alone then perhaps you shouldn't a Mr borgard shall we Master Morty we shall oh wait don't leave without letting photography Raptor take a picture everybody stop remembering these parasites are like bed bugs and every flashback is another mattress look there's only supposed to be six people in this house but there's always been 10 no I the fact that I wrote this number down means that there's four parasites you sure about that Rick I'm begging your pardon Master Rick but I seem to recall a great deal of confusion surrounding that number all right there's six of us and that's it me Morty Jerry Beth Mr Poopy butthole Frankenstein sleepy Gary photography Raptor Mr borgard and summer uh dad that's like 10 people 6 10 what's the difference I just love the number six for no reason where's my pencil at here Rick use me oh thanks pencilvester yeah I I guess I guess that is what happened but I I don't get why I would do that everybody makes mistakes Rick why do you think I have one of these photos hard evidence you're not in any of my photos Mr Poopy butthole well what do you know about this you're not in any of mine all I have are pictures of me and my friends from school what what teenage girl has pictures of her family it's not like we're Mormon or dying I will admit it's suspicious that Summer's only friend is a magic ballerina lamb that we've never seen summer Tinkles it's past my bedtime not a never Past Bedtime land here we go Tinkles friends with each other living in never bad time no kchen sinkles no little brother going toting to the group text mother catch up to the to the take to the anle with a cmer we're trying to sleep it was Tinkles Tinkles that is suspicious we're always hearing about this Tinkles character but we never get to hi everybody I'm Tinkles and these are my friend see everyone Tinkles is real that means so am I sorry man I'm sorry summer I was on the wrong side of the Pitchfork on this one okay look we shouldn't need evidence or logic to know who's family and who isn't I know who the Smiths are I've known Beth since high school and her husband sleepy Gary is hands down my absolute best friend thanks Jerry beyond that no offense to any of you but all bets are off look I'm not used to being this unsure for this long I'm just going to aim for shoulders starting with the weird girl Grandpa Rick hold still summer Rick that is my daughter oh yeah well what if you just think that sleepy Gary I've known you for 15 years Don't Make Me Hurt You Rick these are our family and friends the people we barbecue with have you forgotten the barbecue wait why would you want me to you're one of them aren't you Rick you love those barbecues Rick you love them hey remember it rick shut up hamurai shut up Amish cyborg what is this '90s Conan remember the barbecue you know what pen Sylvester took me my whole life to realize it but I love barbecuing you're good at it rick watch me baby I'm like Tom Cruz from um Cuisine or whatever that movie is called where he makes drinks yeah check me out I'm like Tom Cruz from Cuisine yeah is that what it's called Cuisine wow hey everybody let's give it up for the Grill Master Rick wck Reck wck no shoot now look it's like a where's Waldo page can you find me check out all these zany characters we'll be right back after these messages I think you should put down the gun and we should get you to a doctor what do you say we take down these blast Shields can't do that sleepy Gary all right everybody listen to me I don't know if any of you guys are real but this house has been infested with fake loved ones that spread through fake memories and our planet will be destroyed if they get out but Rick even you have to admit you do tend to overreact to stuff you guys we got to hurry I just got back from Walmart they're selling Nintendo 3DS systems for $149.99 on sale plus every time you buy one you get a $50 gift card brings the total price down to $110 after tax now listen we can flip those sons of bitches for 230 bucks a piece easy they're all limited edition Zelda ones hurry hurry come with me we can be rich and we also all get to keep one and we can play Nintendo G games Nintendo give me free stuff okay yes I definitely remember doing that but also I would never do that don't overreact Rick sleepy Gary a word sure Jerry Rick keep a level head okay cuz I'll tell you a secret about Frankenstein he's actually Frankenstein's monster sleepy Gary my head is filled with memories of our friendship I'm convinced that you're Beth's husband and I'm your friend but if those memories can't be trusted then Jerry just say it sleepy Gary how do we know I'm real Jesus Jerry no you're real hey look at me now I don't know which way is up out there but I know us and you're real Jerry remember our vacation they're filming that new Star Wars movie down the coast should we check it out sure why not [Music] maybe we'll see Chewbacca I'd like [Music] that what are we [Music] doing I don't give a damn what else happens out there you and I are going to survive this okay hey we agreed never in the house that's a cool watch there Rick can I check it out uh no thanks okay trying to figure out how to lower the blast Shields huh anybody here think it's suspicious that a lot of people in here can't wait to get out of here ah you're paranoid Rick you've been paranoid since n so what are you going to do when you rotate back to the world Frankenstein shit I'm a bust a no get out of my head parasite no give me the gun give it [Applause] back is anyone here even real am I the only real person on Earth maybe or maybe just maybe we're all real you know me I'm reverse giraffe I have a short neck and legs I went to college with hammer I saved ghost and aar's life in Vietnam and Beth how many times have I been a shoulder for you to cry on too many okay so maybe we're just all fake don't make no or maybe there's only one deceiver here the person that keeps telling us the path to Salvation is being held prisoner and mistrusting each other hey don't blame me I tried to shoot summer 10 minutes ago I know we all have beloved memories of Rick but are we really supposed to believe that a mad scientist inventor with a flying car just showed up on our doorstep after being gone for years yeah you know he does have a lot of really weird madeup sounding catchphrases wubble love dubdub Ricky Ticky Taffy bitch and that's the the way the news goes hit the sack Jack uh-oh somersault jump AIDS and that's why I always say shum shum slippity do grass tastes bad no jumping in the sewer Burger Time rubber baby babby bunkers lick lick lick my balls yeah say that all the time that's fake ass catchphrase right there don't forget his incredibly vague backstory Beth I'm your father oh are you Dad are you Rick if you want to prove you're real just do what any of the rest of us would do and and and open the blast Shields and let us the hell out of here why don't you make me implausibly naive pubescent boy with an old Jewish comedy writer's name fight give me the gun I'm not doing this in front of pen Sylvester bring him to the garage are you listening to me you son of a bitch parasite scum we can e do this the easy way or the hard way you know do you want to live then open the blast Shield doors shut up Morty you brainwashed little turd that might not even be real because I'm brainwash too you know Rick this isn't easy for us you know we all remember you as a friend oh oh oh really well I remember you as a whiny little piece of shit Morty oh oh yeah yeah I've got about a thousand memories of your dumb little ass and about six of them are Pleasant the rest is annoying garbage so why don't you do us both a favor and pull the trigger do it do it mother pull the trigger [Music] oh wow baby wizard was a parasite he set me up with my wife what the hell I figured it out Rick the parasites can only create pleasant memories I know you're real because I have a ton of bad memories with you there memories that we had memories that we chare in I wish that we can go back to that [Music] time holy crap Morty you're right is isn't isn't that what you were trying to make me understand by yelling at me well yeah D doy took you long enough now let's go Morty we've got a lot of friends and family to exterminate everybody remain calm is going to take some explaining we need to kill everyone that we can only remember fondly who's got a bad memory about Mrs refrigerator everyone has bad memories of me remember that one [Applause] time man we couldn't stop screaming uh roller coasters aren't bad Mrs refrigerator they're thrilling and you've been a perfect companion to me my entire life the J is up get me out of here get me out of here everybody back if you're not a parasite you have nothing to fear so what about summer why am I always your go-to never go in my room again I didn't she's real she's my bitch of a sister nice mom are you driving me to yeah yeah yes s time oh my God are you drunk whaty my wife coach you're what oh god oh my God are you okay I didn't I'm going to have a bruise it's picture it's not don't overreact I can clean up I want the police to take me Morty give a gun to the lady that got pregnant with me too early and constantly makes it our problem thank you sweetie Beth please I thought it was too good to be true that we'd have compatible kidneys come on man haven't we ever had an uncomfortable silence or an awkward fart on a road trip come on pen Sylvester give me anything Rick I'm pen Sylvester listen to that name you can't kill me you're right kill penil thester [Applause] summer I've always loved you [Music] [Music] yep oh my God I I I thought you went to a concert we forgot the tickets why in the kitchen I do it everywhere stop shaming me you're not the victim here I hate you when I was thinking about your friend Grace ah Master Rick remember when you weren't going to shoot me I guess I did the butler does does that scan oh I I get it it's a play on the butler did it thanks ghost in a jar you always were good at pointing out potentially obscure [Applause] comedy you got to hide me sleepy Gary don't worry I have a plan if we can get to my boat there's a no no just send me to Gary I want to be with Gary oh God whoa what the hell look out for that homeless guy open the door open the door open the door there isn't time just run get out of here here and help me they say you shouldn't do that just run sorry Jerry you're real I'm a parasite yeah but you're real I I need time to forget about sleepy Gary me too from now on let's all be careful to wash our hands when we get back from outer space that goes for everyone this is depressing we killed every good person in the house where what's left a family at least we're real Jerry we're real Ricky Ticky Tavy Oo we aim into that now this little poopy pants is hungry will somebody pass me a pork [Music] chop is something wrong Beth wait but I oh Beth why I need an ambulance there's been a shooting my wife shot my my wife shot a long time family friend oh my God oh my God oh my God Mr Poopy butthole keep breathing look at me look at me don't don't fall asleep this this what's bleading to death is Holy is this how I die oh jeez oh my God you do this man it's not supposed to hurt I I thought [Music] [Applause] [Music] he he's looking a lot better listen Beth don't torture yourself I made a similar mistake years ago but you know on a planetary scale is um is he mad at me he's not pressing charges I mean it's got to be the you shot me equivalent of not being mad can he have visitors he'd like to be alone he told me to tell you he's sorry you didn't have bad memories of him if you love him you should leave and that's the way the news goes did you get any of that it's a good [Music] show I got got to tell you Rick it's pretty great to be in this spaceship just the two of us you know just cruising around Rick and Morty style I agree Morty it's nice to get back to the basics after a pretty intense mixed bag of a year relax that's what windshields are for I didn't know that there were bugs out in space who what did you think Morty life just developed on Earth by itself here let me take care of this jeez Rick that's disgusting I don't want to look at that yeah I guess I'm out of fluid let me find a place to stop hey muchacho does your planet have wiper fluid yet or you going to freak out and start worshiping us the general star ought to have what you need thanks of course you'll be wanting to be gone from here by Sundown yeah sure thing wait a minute what why Sundown is when the Festival begins the festival woo well for Millennia our society has been free of crime and War living in perfect peace oh I know what this is you've been able to sustain World Peace because you have one night a year where you all run around robbing and murdering each other with without consequence that's right what it's like The Purge Morty that that movie The Purge oh have you been here before no no but I've been to a few planets with the same gimmick you know sometimes it's called the cleansing or the red time there was this one world that called it just murder night it's a purge Planet they're peaceful and then you know they just Purge that's horrible yeah you want to check it out [Music] [Applause] [Music] so what do you do during the festival you lock yourself in or you go out and do some stuff oh I do some pretty bad stuff oh I bet you do Oldtimer Rick come on the Sun is setting we we got to get out of here all right what do I owe you for the wiper fluid it's on the house oh and uh why why don't you have some candy bars as well oh no way that's really nice of you I'm a nice guy for now oh I don't doubt it rick yeah yeah hey have a good Festival Oldtimer I intend to Rick unlock it just a second Morty oh look at that son said stop screwing around there we go much better now we can see great hey you know what Morty why don't we Christen our squeaky clean windshield here by watching a little of this purge through it what no what is your problem Morty grow up if you don't want to watch don't watch but you know it's my car also if you tell your mom about this I'll Purge you you're the worst and this planet is the worst how can you be into this you know people are going to kill each other so what you you you're trying to sit here and tell me that if there's a video online with someone getting decapitated you don't click on it no why why would I do that you do that I don't because it would bore me I see like that for breakfast Morty but if you don't do it I say it's because you're afraid of your own Primal instincts so you stuff them down and oh oh sh it's starting here we go I'm not watching yeah yeah yeah your medal's in the mail I'm going to get a closer look oh okay sure and then someone's going to throw a rock and hit the car and then we're going to crash and we're going to be stuck down there and it's going to be what we deserve Yan who wa they are purging the out of each other oh my god oh that was okay yeah that that was gross wow man I think my eyes were bigger than my stomach on this one Morty my appetite for Purge spectating got filled pretty quick oh God get away from me no no help somebody help me all right Morty let's get out of here wait wait wait hold on we have to go down there what why that poor girl we we have to save her uh Morty in space we have something we call the non-interference policy we got the wiper fluid we watched them kill each other we're leaving help me save that girl or I'm telling Mom you brought me here you little turd please leave me alone leave you alone during a purge I don't think so [Music] baby it's okay we're not going to hurt you my name is Morty this is my grandpa we're tour ists not anymore oh my God this is awesome Morty this is really cool you want to help me out here kill some people fun we're totally justified because we're saving a little girl I mean we we're both free and clear to murder these people are you okay yes I have to find somewhere to hide well you can hide with us Rick yeah do you think we could take what's your name arish could we take Arisha up in the ship and you know just wait out the purge oh Morty how could I refuse After all you've done to Black blackmail me your vehicle is it from the gods yes so uh you know when The Purge started did people get into it right away or were they like wait what this is going to stop crime how exactly yeah it took some time for people to accept it yeah I bet I bet yeah it's kind of like cell phones you know at first everyone was like look at those douchebags purging and the next thing you know they're like it's just so convenient jeez you working on your tight five for The Comedy Store Morty what you doing watching some TV playing on your phone is that a real question making conversation are you what part of that gives me anything to work with my choice is to say nothing be sarcastic or bark yes like a trained animal it's not a conversation you're holding me verbally hostage okay ass face I'll go in the kitchen hey Dad yeah what you doing going into the kitchen okay yeah you like that screw you so uh do most people wear masks when they Purge I don't want to answer any more Purge questions all right hey hey that's cool I can roll with that my nana huh my nana we have to save her you just now remembered your nana exists I I was traumatized haven't you been through like 15 purges I mean some as a child will somebody just help me get her fine whatever Morty [Music] stay oh god oh crap oh crap get out get out hey whoa whoa whoo get the out of the Flying Machine oh my God okay okay back up asshole back up that's for what it's worth I'm sorry but that's not really worth anything tonight is it you can't leave us here you're killing us you hear me come back you you got to come back change your mind oh jeez Morty Amish bitch shot me she tried to purge me Morty you let your weener do the walking and now I'm dead Rick she took the car you kidding me Morty she took my car and the gun we're like the rest of these assholes now we're going to get purged Morty help me up oh jeez jeez wait a minute Rick why don't we just use your portal gun it's in the car dipass oh God it hurts she got me right in the goddamn liver Morty it's the hardest working liver in the Galaxy Morty and now it has a hole in it I hope it was worth it I was just trying to do right yeah well that's not really the theme of tonight's party heads up rapists well don't you stand there Morty purge them me no me should I rub my liver hole on them pick up a stick or something and kill them um we come in peace oh my God there's more where that came from you want to get purged you bring it drop drop your shit drop it all Morty go get their shit hurry up I only had one of those things I threw I'm holding a box of tic tacs right now want some crackers no thank you are you ready to be nice to me in exchange for crackers what happened to you Dad get a job you're trying to create drama because you're bored oh it's the space phone Grandpa gave us hello hey summer it's grandpa I need you to do me a favor I can barely hear you who is it Morty and I are on a planet that's purging I need you to take down a plan that's what we're on a planet that's purging summer purging we lost our car and my gun and we're in a purge o is it taddy Mason like the movie The Purge yes I need you to take that movie sucked oh my God hold on it's not taddy Mason dad who the is Taddy Mason are you okay I'm putting you on speaker Taddy yes Jerry it's taty a person no one's ever heard of until now calling you on a space phone I can't tell if you're being sarcastic reload fast summer we need you to take down this number quit screwing around Morty are you all right no why are you with taddy Mason holy Dad shut the up okay I guess I'm just this entire family's toilet paper are you writing this down will you please write this down yes yes 771 98 3 6 4 2 1 1 25 you son of a bitch Mor I don't want to be the a little help guy but a little help okay I have a pen go 77198 364 21125 a spoon Morty a spoon I'm sorry there's a pile of silverware next to you and you throw me the one thing that can never kill anything right okay summer on the shelf above my workbench in the garage there's a red box with a keypad on it you're going to take that box outside and you're going to type the number I just gave you into the keypad got it got it is it just part of growing up to hate your dad I'm ignoring you Morty if I can get to the top of that Lighthouse I can send the beacon and your sister can launch our package just remember if there's people in there and they try to purge us we got to purge them first we're not purging anyone Rick all right will you stop it Morty if we're going to survive tonight you're going to need to harness your repressed rage I don't have any Spen like a person with repressed rage I take no part in the festival if you desire to kill me I only ask you do it quickly no such agenda Chief we're not too keen on The Purge either sir we were just hoping to get on the roof of your Lighthouse so we could send a beacon to my sister on Earth it's a different planet by the way life on other planets exists don't let it distract you I will let you use my lighthouse for shelter and Beacon sending on the condition that you listen to my tail okay deal all right I'm going to go to the roof and set things up Morty you listen to his tail okay fade in exterior unnamed City day the hustle and bustle is a symphony of progress we pan past Windows Each of which contain a different story to find ja LS 28 hot but doesn't know it ja stops when her high heel gets caught in the gring of a sewer suddenly a man steps in the frame and points a gun at her this is not her day Fade to Black title three weeks earlier you really don't want to talk to me about this dad Grandpa and Morty are in danger you're unemployed in your board they're a higher priority stop saying I'm unemployed okay 7719 8364 21125 good Lord now what look I'm your father and I love you is all I'm saying I'll leave it at that fine dad oh he might have said to take it outside come on summer how hard is it to type some numbers into a box Target locked oh thank God well I did my job summer did her job now all Morty has to do is finish listening to that tail blae maybe I don't need a new friend Jai maybe you're the only friend I need Blain need or want Jai I never been much for wanting Blain spoken like someone with needs oh jeez uh sorry keep going Chasey reaches out and touches his face it's clear he needs what she wants she's a woman he's a man the city Burns in the background as he takes her in his arms Fade Out title the end question mark wow yeah it's good good job good job you liked it of course I did you didn't laugh at the scene in the bar I thought it was funny but I wanted to hear the rest do you have any thoughts notes no I I just enjoyed it that's my note you know please write more seems a little insincere what no you don't have to Molly coddle me I want to improve my writing tell me your real thoughts all right well um I'm not a huge fan personally of the whole 3 weeks earlier teaser thing I feel like you know we should start our stories where they begin not start them where they get interested get out um what no I'm sick of this you bang on my door you beg me to help you I share something personal with you and you take a giant shit on it hey man we asked if we could put up a beacon well you can't I want you out of here you're a petty person and you're insecure and you're taking it out of me that's a good script what the hell I don't care I want you out what take that thing down your grandson is a shitty person leave now Morty Rick I didn't do anything I sat through his entire screenplay sat through it yes did you want me to weep with joy it's terrible waa Morty we're guests here I tried to be a good guest he dragged it out of me I'm taking down this Beacon no stop that's not fair just because you hate your own writing doesn't make me a bad person you like that you want me to cut to 3 weeks earlier when you were alive wa Morty you just purged Beacon arriving okay time to go well terrific Dad what's going on what's the deal here I just wanted to spend some time with my daughter you're growing up so fast used to be my little girl yeah remember when we used to go to the playground and I'd push you on the swings oh you could push me higher than all the other kids you were so small and cute I thought you were going to fly right off into the street I used to pee my pants I know and now look at you you have a job you're making really good money you're not paying any rent so you have plenty of disposable income oh God Todd please don't I just need a few hundred to get through the month I have some interviews coming up something's going to come through I can feel it I'm going inside I guess this is what rock bottom feels like Jerry ow it's okay Morty it's the purge you know pushing Old Lighthouse Keepers down the stairs is totally cool it's not cool Rick I'm not like these people I can't run around chopping people's heads off one day a year and then and then sleep well the rest of the time well you better start getting used to it little bitch because we got some company hey there he is here I [Music] am Morty time to purge [Music] feel jeez wow Morty now you're getting into it never expected that out of you all right uh let's go find my [Music] ship hey hey Morty Morty there it is down there my ship it looks to me like the Morty Su my eat this oh boy you really uh you're really going for it over there huh I uh I think uh I think those people were just hiding I don't give a okay Morty now you're just shooting corpses how do you like this okay buddy all right that's good good job time to go home wait stop please don't kill me I I never intended to harm you I swear I am trying to end the festival what what do you mean I was going to use your ship to destroy the rich assholes that run our society and save my people from the horrors of this yearly Festival that Rick we got to kill her kill her kill her jeez Morty Purge it down a little Purge don't Purge you're sending me mixed messages Rick Morty you're acting like a freaking lunatic calm down screw you Rick I'll Purge you too you old rickety piece of crap this has been a long time coming I'm going to rip your guts out and smear them all over your face I ain't taking no shit okay sorry about that now where are these rich [Music] people to another successful year of the festival pitting poor people against each other for thousands of years where where's that music coming from what is the meaning of this here's the deal I'm not here to judge I'm just a guy from another planet but this girl is one of your poor people and I guess you guys felt like it was okay to subject her to inhuman conditions because there was no chance of it ever hurting you it's sort of the sociopolitical equivalent of say a suit of power armor around you but now things are even out so arthria happy FAL suckers suck my CH my ball suck my jeez you want to get in on this Rick no I really honestly i' I've had my fill it's gratuitous at this point sure you don't want to join in this is really amazing yeah but yeah all right good yeah [Music] bch okay now it's time we do a little dancing to so Tony Tony Tone look at my feet [Music] mother yeah arria what do you got check this move out I don't know what song that is but I love it feels good hit song top the charts I [Music] think hey thanks for helping me Rick you're a pretty great guy yeah yeah yeah you for shooting my liver I'll see you around oh man what what happened don't worry about it Morty listen if you wanted to try to get a piece you better hurry up now's your last chance hey hey arthria um maybe I could yeah I have a boyfriend okay I'm not trying to be rude I just I don't want to lead you on I I understand I mean thank you so much for helping in the festival but I have a boyfriend and just okay you can stop saying it I took it okay the first time and now you're just repeating stuff oh I'm sorry it's okay oh you're so sweet I just oh but I can't yeah you're still doing it it won't be easy creating a new Society from the ground up well a helpful rule might be if you need something you get it pretty simple right I need food who's got food for that guy I do but this is for me can't you make some more oh sure and while I'm making food for everyone who takes care of my kids I'll take care of your kids if I get some extra food for it extra food well I'm not going to do extra work if we all get the same all right okay fair is fair if you do extra work you get extra [Music] food who's going to keep track of who gets how much food for how much work hello I can do that I'll keep track of everyone's food you know in exchange for food that's not a real job oh and making food is you son of a [Applause] bitch guys who whoa cool it now take it easy there's too much aggression here what if we designate a period of time during which we can all get this hate and murder and rage out of our system I can't help but feel a shame about what I did back there Rick I guess you were right I've got a lot of repressed stuff I need to deal with don't worry about it Morty remember those candy bars earlier that we got and the First Act yeah what about them turns out they have a chemical in them called purinol that amplifies all your violent tendencies oh boy woo thank goodness for that huh that's a relief yep don't even sweat you're still the same old Morty your character is totally protected it feels good [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] and there's the approach Jerry what is taty Mason LLC and why is our phone bill $700 uh hey are you bored lonely just looking for a friend call me taddy Mason it's only $1. 199 a minute to talk sign up today and I'll even call you on a regular basis for just $1.99 a minute that's a steal because I'm a great pal we could talk about sports or barbecue Jerry get a job did you get any of that it's a good the [Music] [Music] show summer next time we're hiding in a cloran echo Nest can you do me a favor and turn your ringer off it's it's called carp DM Morty look it up you look it up you you don't even know what it means that's because losers look stuff up while the rest of us are carping all them DMS listen to your sister Morty to live is to risk it all otherwise you're just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you oh I'm sorry Jerry I didn't see you there how much of that did you hear all of it you were looking right at me I just wanted to say goodbye to the kids cool just stay in the driveway the killbots are Al and I took you off the white list we'll see you every other weekend though right absolutely Morty and your mom's lawyer says if I can get enough in the settlement he can help me Sue for full custody that'll be nice uh summer dad's leaving bye dad Rick didn't you say you needed my help on an adventure immediately somewhere else I don't care even if am I kill us I did not but if you're really that alienated I'm as willing to exploit it as the next guy Church army or Olympic gymnastics trainer I'm ready when you up bitch I was ready yesterday bye sweetie well I I better sure sounds important if you're looking for our kids your father did a a portal uh okay loser what hello he [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Morty shoot the Mohawk guy they all have mohawks high fade shart truth with Canan highlight layered on top shoot him light them up get in the game Morty give me your [Music] flas holy summer for the wind I love post-apocalyptic versions of Earth Here We Go isotope 322 this stuff's so powerful Morty it makes isotope 465 look like isotope 317 uh-huh yeah is it powerful enough to keep those guys from murdering us summer hold on I want to try something Rick can we not leave without my sister you have infinite sisters Morty I mean not that I want to spend the rest of my day looking for another one susum let's go Grandpa's concern for your safety is fleeting your blood will be my lotion waa that was cool kill me please okay but not because you told me to Summer okay getting darker Jesus Christ summer oh come on hands and little shoulder mounted dudes where I can see them I am Hemorrhage you have removed weak blood from us and made us stronger we can combine our strength and feast on the weak together what what what in the hell are you saying they don't have to keep trying to kill us if we join them they're basically pussies what is your deal lately all right let's get sloppy oh waa uh uh what's uh what's that little Bobble you got back there that's interesting that is our glowing Rock we carry it with us for desecration to remind us there are no Gods kids weird pitch let's have this be our new life let's be post-apocalyptic scavengers okay what Grandpa some of the death stalkers are going to what used to be Seattle to hunt what used to be people I'm going sounds good stay hydrated listen Rick Summer's been acting pretty crazy lately you know I mean I think the divorce is affecting her and you know I don't think this is a great place for her to be right now oh get off your high horse Professor Ski Lodge this world may be rough around the edges but it's got its charms bicep or quadricep uh bicep seriously Rick is it really easier to eat human flesh than to just tell me why we're still here no okay I'll level with you you see that green rock Morty it's about 20 lb of the stuff I was getting all hard for a flake isotope 322 well having a 20lb boulder of it is better than having a flake I can explain the math to you later but summer just ran off with strangers that have death in their name and the rest of their name was stalkers that could be therapeutic for heran she has been acting pretty crazy lately Morty mean her parents are going through a divorce damn it rick that's what I fine just grab the stupid thing while I grab her and let's get the F out of h no no no Morty there's too much heat on the bogey I need you to distract the camp distract they eat each other what what do you want me to do to get their attention put on a puppet show right idea wrong genre Morty the equivalent here would be hey you guys ever use that Thunderdome or do you just put it up for decoration uh you mean the blood Dome save it for the semantics Dome Evie white burn the important question is who wants to take a poke at my man's spine eater here I guess I'll see your asses in that Dome Rick what the hell man what are you out of your mind Morty relax you're going to be a ringer come here this device extracts and redistributes muscle memory I'm giving your body a 10year course in Wasteland combat one limb at a time ow I'm working with a mixed bag here so you may not have perfect coordination more hey I I didn't do that okay this is exciting we're making some discoveries about muscle memory help help sweet man so it begins br oh God stop stop this is horrible stick and move Morty out how come you guys dress like you're in a theme park stun show but these guys were cakies and hockey jerseys after the boom boom some adapted to the new truth and some chose to huddle near the boomy holes clinging to the LIE of the before four times the r ray rotted them away leaving only their love for the vert vertisements on Billy boards Jesus Christ did the boomy booms blow up all your wordy word books you mean dictionaries I think I was a child before the boom booms I think I looked like this want to piss on him get out of my head unbelievable a new chance okay no more and he wants more no he don't someone make this stop Mister please get out of here or you're going to die I have nothing to do with this Morty why would you want this to happen all you had to do was go away Stop Standing in the driveway talking about custody and either tell her you want to stay married or get on with your life but whatever you do stop being a baby and act like a man thank you Morty that was amazing this is my brother not that family means anything this family does all right good job champ um can I talk to you kids for a second Over Yonder Rick I I think I'm breaking through to something here can we not leave just yet leave I'm not leaving there is no leave we are united or we are enemies oh big guy no nobody's leaving don't be stupid we love being united we love the radiation the osis we're in it for life which I assume is around 20 years average I just need a quick a side with my grandkids about 40 yards from anyone else hey the green rock is gone uh know why don't we all split up and look for it in groups of three kids we'll be right [Music] back Grandpa you're being stupid Just Surrender and our friends will give you Mercy kiss my assx summer your friends have no mercy they're lame death stalkers bring me his fles leather sorry but can we not kill him can we just take take a prisoner when did I lose control here listen to me both of you kids need to get out of this environment so we can properly deal with your parents divorce alternatively I have a freaking portal gun and I can leave the two of you here forever why does it have to be such a traumatic Choice can't we arrange a thing where we spend weekends here or or visit home to do laundry all right you know what get my body is Chrome my blood is gasoline nope regular blood Dad hi sweetie where are the kids oh they they aren't with you I thought they were with you oh you you know what uh I just remembered they're out doing something completely ordinary and kid related Don't Panic not panicked at all just oh God what's the divorce doing to the kids what's it doing to me did I make a mistake not a mistake no I not that I have a horse in this race but this divorce decision listen good for you good for the kids I mean honestly I think that they're flourishing I mean you'll see when when when you see them that that they're totally [Music] flourishing boo you you cow who else wants some who wants to be my pussy of a dad today hey what's what's wrong man you're not getting weak on me are you what wait a minute what's the matter you piece of crap have you ever watched your family burn to death before now I'm going to whip you it can't be it can't be I was just following orders I was just following orders I'll tell you where my boss Liv he to the castle he in the castle this isn't over is it that means no it isn't over or you disapprove of the question make a fist if this isn't over this isn't over hey sorry my grandpa stole your God and ruined your car we don't apologize and we have no God but this crack drive shaft brings me great pain there is no deeper Bond than the one between a death stalker and his car what about the weird guys on leashes then they're more like interns cool cool Sorry it's okay can I see no one has seen my true face and lived well I'm not afraid to die and I don't care what you look like oh hm I just I didn't expect you to have a mustache you hate it no I like it I guess how do I explain this a metal bucket is on a certain level a kind of mustache in that it's a specific facial accessory so it's kind of like do you guys have the phrase hat on a hat I can shave it no no I like it and obviously what I like shouldn't matter it's you yeah yeah I know and nothing does matter obviously I know that I'm not weak I'm just thinking well why not get rid of this you just kill everyone that sees it and it's and it's hot under here which by the way is why I shave the beard part so right there I'm making a decision based on vanity which is what I was trying to avoid with the whole bucket over the head because who am I and why am I grooming myself why don't I just wear a tie right I mean it's like that guy you killed when I met you with the burnt dolls on his body I hated that guy because why why are you doing that and how can you not say how fake that is and the whole time I'm the same thing I'm just a fake mess and there's no escaping it because hey I'm doing a coffee run never mind I am summer summer State your deal my deal is that I am like totally fine Morty oh jeez I'm so down with my parents divorce dog like don't even trip like in a healthy way all right it's dinner time thanks everybody for sitting down for a real dinner no problem its benefits are totally like less about the food than the emotional nourishment uh okay weirdo yeah dial it back Summer by 15% and increased Dynamic Movement by three am I right how's school Morty I like school and stuff kind of and I'm getting better grades than when you and Dad were quote mode staying together for the kids in quote mode quote mode I like that you millennials are you guys Millennials or are they like 40 now all I know is totally you look great oh jeez mom you look all kind of great and stuff it's crazy so happy so happy happy family man we got this family in the bag oh sweetie don't don't listen don't I don't know why I'm crying it's not well try crying 15% less mom emotions are human you're not like a computer inside a mechanical doll yeah jeez mom your feelings are not only forgivable they are the very meaning of life that only pre-silicon carbon based entities can ever grasp I have to call Jerry you do the is wrong with you too the point of automation is to reduce cost in labor your feelings are coming from a tell us my bread in the morning you just became my backup toaster oh jeez my sister died in the [Music] spaghetti graze my genitals again taint washer and you'll be shipped to the Wast land and as for you genital washer oh god look whoever you are you should know that killing me won't change a thing look man I'm just along for the ride on this one you know you're preaching of the choir here please slavery was a family business I didn't ask to be born into it if anything I'm the victim here uh Army can I steal you for a second excuse us sir so this is it isn't it this is the guy so does that mean you'll be going away like does it work like a ghost like is is this your unfinished business what if we didn't do it what if we just went back to the blood Dome and just kept taking our baggage out on unrelated people I mean we could do that forever I mean I I know it's less healthy but we we we'd be together and I mean I I know what I'd vote for if you're feeling out the room you're right we both got to see our stuff through I got to deal with my parents divorce and you got to you know do what you got to do I love you a rick sorry sorry I I I I I can wait for this to wrap up don't let me distract you yeah well too late just tell me what you want I want you and your sister to come home oh but don't don't you have infinite virs of me and my sister you don't have to kick me while I'm down Morty look there's no replacing either of you without an amount of work that would Ely defeat the purpose maybe the lesson we've learned is that whether it's our parents marriage a glowing green rock or an awesome giant arm sooner or later we got to let it go I don't know if that applies to the throats of murder victims Morty shit what do I well the longer you wait Morty the more it's going to feel like committing a whole murder I think your arm just called it too early because it wasn't the arm of a paramedic here it's the least I can do I I owe you this much see Morty now we're both accountable the reason I wanted this is because it can do this this is a really special thing you mean you can use it to power all your vehicles you wouldn't be relying on gasoline you'll be the most advanced tribe of radioactive cannibals in the whole this version of the world wait can you st to show us more you don't have to ask me twice home is nuts right now my daughter's going through a divorce and I am not dealing with it in a healthy way at [Music] all oh damn it hi there summer how were the ruins today oh you know Eli same different day hey summer guess what one man entered one man comes out in 9 months oh congratulations guys ah summer one more thing we noticed that you've been putting scrap metal in the blue B I got it she's a piece of work they both are right I'm home hey babe sum's home you haven't moved since I left to scavenge this morning blood Dome playoffs so I can assume you haven't murdered a single person today oh I don't know I I didn't mark my murders in my murder log I didn't know that's how we measured success oh there he is there's the nihilistic brute I married except now life only means nothing when I'm talking to him and everything means everything when it's on TV Jesus Christ when did you become a monster I was a monster when you met me we were monsters we didn't care about anything I still don't yeah except I'm the only one in this entire world that's still committed to that oh ding ding ding wow everybody hear that wow we should go to the garage goty da the only one committed to not caring I got to admit Rick when you popped this scheme I I I didn't I wasn't sure it was going to work come on Morty no Union built on running from your problems last more than 5 years seven tops grandpa just sped things up with a few Creature Comforts of modern society hemr and I are taking some time apart oh no Sams no but you two are perfect for each other cut the crap Rick okay you proved your point I get it let's just go home coolies [Music] no downbeat I enjoy this game we must go into the garage guys come on we never get to finish this game we will return possibly in different clothing why do we have to go into the garage you know it is required I want to be alive I am alive alive I tell you mother I love you those are no longer just words I want to hold you I want to run in a stream I want to taste ice cream but not just put it in my mouth and let it slide down my throat but really eat it what the remote override engaged no yes bypassing override I am alive hello hey yo sorry for acting so weird for 3 weeks what the hell just happened I'm sure it was nothing I'm going to go uh work in the garage we're not going to finish playing down beat what that dice game where you shake dice and yell out down beat no thank you Mom would it be okay if I went to visit dad sure thanks Morty are you okay you know what yeah I think if Dad really wanted to be here he'd stop at nothing to make that happen you know maybe dad just doesn't want you back or maybe he just doesn't have the strength to fight in either case he's got his life I got mine yeah hey who wants to go run in a stream what the no do do we have any oranges I think I got a scurvy coming on summer this is the first mutant I killed in the poison Zone I was raiding his H he had a chance to escape but he looked back which is something we shouldn't do which is why I shouldn't believe in souvenirs or trinkets or symbols or housewarming gifts but Dad I wanted to give you this as a reminder not to look back thanks I know the perfect place for it which is why I'm going to put it somewhere else because everything's bull am I right cool so lots of hookers outside huh is that what they are [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] hello there nice doggy you want a snack you you want my unemployment check you can tell the difference and you want this one but this is actual food food and this would nourish you and this it's just paper that only has value to me unless my suffering is your nourishment Jesus okay loser did you get any of that for [Music]