The only downside to going on dates with a Korean man who holds this belief is that occasionally it can go hand in hand with being Somewhat patronizing. Oh my god. This is like 100% 1000% true I've talked about this in my viral video what it's actually like to date a Korean guy kudos to this person Who wrote this they're like?
point on like facts the guy that always wants to pay for your date it can be patronizing hello global citizens i'm kelsey i'm korean living in korea and today i'm going to talk about korean dating so a lot of you guys want to know what it's actually like to date a korean guy uh it's one of my most viral videos so i feel like it's about time that i do a follow-through video so today i'm gonna go through the most popular uh facts about Korean men that are on the internet and fact check them as a Korean woman to see whether it's true or not. Let's get right into it. Dating a Korean guy, what you should know about meeting men in the South.
I like how this article starts. At least they are pointing out that it's South Korea, like not North Korean men that you're dating because like let me tell you, you don't want to or you can't date North Korean men. So plus points for accuracy. Dating a Korean guy must be a fascinating idea for you for different reasons. You've probably fallen in love with the South Korean guys in K-pop songs or star in a K-drama.
Or perhaps you've met somebody while you're visiting South Korea that you've been become quite smitten with. Yes, I've been in that situation not with Korea because I'm familiar with it but with like another culture and watched a drama there or I've been traveling there and I fell in love So I understand these situations and fun fact I would actually watch these kinds of videos and read these kinds of articles So it's nice that I'm fact-checking for you guys If you appreciate it, please thumbs up this video and subscribe to my channel before we start press it press it press it Thank you. Quick disclaimer all men are different the same goes for Korean guys While these tips will help you with most of the gentlemen you encounter in Korea. Make sure you you use your guts too.
Yes, very good tip. But let me see if their tips apply generally to Korean men. To shortly give you...
My experience dating Korean men, I'm 24. I started dating since I was 19 when I was in university So I've dated Korean men for about two years and in those two years I was in university So I was going out and dates like basically every other week So I have a lot of experience dating like all types of Korean men I would say and then I was an experience with a Swedish guy my ex-boyfriend His vlogs are still up in this channel If you want to watch I was in a relationship with him for three years and now It's been like a while since I've been single so I've been dating Korean guys and non-Korean guys and all that fun dating around stuff So I would say I'm one of like the few people that have experienced dating intensively Koreans versus like non-koreans So yeah, you can trust my opinion basically First one interesting don't be expected to be asked out by a Korean man If you're interested in dating while you're there you weren't just because South Koreans are not asking you out does not mean that they're not Interested the culture in South Korea is a little bit different than in many other countries In the culture of most Western countries, a guy will approach their potential date when they're interested and strike up a conversation even if the person is a stranger. That is not the case in South Korea, especially if you're not from South Korea and are noticeably a tourist or a new local. You're unlikely to be approached by young South Korean men you've met because they're generally pretty shy when approaching strangers, male or female.
But that doesn't mean that they would never love you to approach them and introduce yourself. Okay, interesting point. They're saying don't expect to be asked out by a Korean man.
So So my experience with dating Korean men, like 80 to 90% of the dates I've been with Korean men, they actually ask me out first and they're actually just as proactive in like a girl that that they're interested as like much as in the west i've had cases of guys where they ask my friend for like my number like a mutual friend or they literally like send me a cacao saying like hey do you want to watch a movie the difference is that they might not like label it as a date or they might not even say hey let's go out they might just say hey do you want to watch this movie together you want to go to this park together they're never like really asking for a friend they just want to seem like it's like a friendly suggestion in case you are not interested in them and then they can just be like oh it was just like I thought you were a fun person to hang out with But like what they're saying here It's about like Approaching girls in public like in the streets and talking them up like they're saying in most Western countries a guy will approach your potential date When they're interested in strike-up or conversation Well, I don't think so like it doesn't apply to all Western countries, especially like in Sweden Which was where my ex was that is not the case there But let's compare it to like guys in the US. Maybe if they're interested, they could go up to you and ask your number and whatever. They're seeing that in South Korea, you're unlikely to be approached by young South Korean men because they're generally pretty shy.
I would actually disagree. I would rate this general- generalization like three out of ten because like i've heard instances where foreigner girls here they get approached by guys it's like hongdae so i live in hongdae and it's like a very young area so like they're a foreigner they look like a foreigner and they're just hanging around and the guy comes up to them and they're like oh you're so cute can i have your instagram you're so cool i like your style we should be friends or however they try to approach you but they definitely approach girls that they're interested in like if you're expecting like 365 days kind of A flicks scenario where the guy abducts you from the street and he's like fall in love with me like that's not gonna happen Anywhere in the world, but in terms of guys striking up a conversation with you first I don't think that is like impossible or like Korean guys don't do that if they don't do that It's because of like the language barrier not because of like the Korean guys Characteristic trait I would say they're mostly afraid that you probably don't speak Korean and they're not confident in their English skills if you're Korean They actually approach you a lot first. So it's not that Korean guys are shy. So I would disagree with the first opinion Next one, get ready to be glued to your phone. Are you a fan of texting?
Good, because the odds are that your new Korean boyfriend is as well. Most men in South Korea are big fans of constant communication via text messages, phone calls, and messaging apps and social media on their smartphones, especially among young men in their 20s. The norm for Korean women and men in South Korea is to be updating their significant other as often as possible.
Opposite to other cultures where there is a stigma against texting, a romantic interest too soon for fear of seeming too interested or clingy. Keep in mind that this doesn't mean that the Korean man you're getting to know is way more interested in you than guys in the past who have texted and called less. It's just common, so everyone just does it. So I rate this second generalization 10 out of 10. It's not-it's just like a fact, not even a generalization. I'm not really a fan of this culture because I think it's too much.
So whenever I date Korean guys, I have to assure them that they don't have to text me every time they eat, every time they wake up, they don't have to be like, good morning, they don't have to say good night every single day that I go to sleep. Because they're so like hardwired, trained almost to do that, they think it's chivalry. They're afraid that if they don't do that, the girl might feel like, oh... Like the social consensus in Korea is like the guy does that and it's like a form of saying Oh, I'm thinking about you the whole day.
I really care about you. So they're worried that I might get pissed Not all men actually enjoy doing it. They're just like oh the girls expect it. So i'll do it, but it's true I guess it's good for the girls because a lot of girls value communication It depends mostly on the style, but most korean girls really value communication. They want to know what their boyfriend is doing like every two hours they want to know how's work every day like a text where are you oh like blah blah blah how was your shower even like everyday things you're just like glued to the phone literally and whenever you're with like your friends and then a guy is like on his phone he's like texting his girlfriend because if he doesn't answer for like 30 40 minutes that's a little too short if he doesn't answer for like an hour the girl is gonna be like why are you not prioritizing me i'm mad that kind of situation so it says here that other cultures there's a stigma against texting a romantic interest too soon For if you're seeming too interested or clingy, there is also a rule in Korea Like if you send him a message and he doesn't read it don't send him like another message two hours later because that seems clingy to us like constantly communicating back and forth and even Replying instantly is not a big deal.
We're not like oh, he's too like into me We're not like that at all But don't send him another message when he doesn't read it also another thing if you send him a message and he does read It and he doesn't reply don't send him another message and another message and another message I've been in that situation where a guy is like hey, how is your day? He's asked me on a date before and I declined and then the next day is like hey, how's your day? So I feel like I don't really want to answer or engage in that conversation so I just don't reply and they're like two hours later he's like hey how was your lunch so he has the unread message of how was your day and then he's asking like how my lunch is like don't do that that's like clingy sign um in the korean rules should a guy pay on the first date interesting i would say yes most korean guys feel pressure to do that let's see what this one says one of the most awkward parts of the early stages of dating should you reach for the bill after dinner if he paid for dinner should you offer to pay for drinks after or wait until the next date The traditional old-school approach is that the man must foot the bill for the first date and all subsequent dates Don't expect an opportunity to pay for the dates because the guy will always pay as long as you're together Interesting the only downside to going on dates with a Korean man who holds this belief is that occasionally you can go hand-in-hand with Being somewhat patronizing. Oh my god.
This is like 100% 1000% true I've talked about this in my viral video what it's actually like to date a Korean guy kudos to this person Who wrote this they're like point on like fact The guy that always wants to pay for your date, it can be patronizing. If like I've seen a lot of my Korean foreigner girlfriends are so like flattered. They're like he never lets me pay for the date and if he's like that and also very like kind and like equal with you That's like best-case scenario amazing.
But from my own experience Korean guys that are like that are often like oh I'm older than you so I should take care of you. Which which sounds nice, which is like they're taking care of you and stuff. But it's also like oh you're weak and you can't make money.
You're powerless. when you get married you have to be my housewife that kind of kind of mentality is also within it so i'm not a big fan of it for instance your date may expect you to be slightly submissive and quiet while you're enjoying each other's company yeah so the guy who usually wants to pay for every date they don't like me because i have my own opinions and then i tell him and i'm like educated and i'm i don't know probably gonna make more money than whatever they do not enjoy my companion i feel So I feel like this old school approach, there's like almost 0% of men in their 20s at least, maybe still exist in their 30s. But Korean men in their 20s, they're not like this anymore where they pay for every single date.
Like as long as you're together, there's not a lot of men in their 20s like that. I think... Korean men now have more sense of gender equality and I think it's a relief for them that they don't have to follow the footsteps Of like upper generations and they have to like they're expected to pay for every day So they'll really appreciate it and accept it when you offer to pay for coffee at least or when you offer to pay for tea Afterwards or drinks So usually for my first date if we go for coffee or a meal the guy would never let me pay the Korean guy if He doesn't reach for the bill. That's like that just never happens he always expects that he's gonna pay for the bill but i always say like i used to say let's split it but that they take it as like offensive they think like oh you don't want to see me anymore or like you want to end the date here like so they're just like they get hurt by me saying that so i don't even say it anymore so i just like oh this feeling is so nice well and then we get up and then he just naturally pays and i'm like thank you so much for the meal like let's please go for coffee i would love to get coffee with you and they usually accept and that's how things go these days So the traditional approach is like 1 out of 10 in terms of accuracy Okay, the more modern approach of who pays for some young korean men It is now common to pay for dinner on the first date and then let the girls pay for coffee or soju at the next stop And then they'll alternate payment throughout the evening or dates Yes, I would say that more than 90 to 95 percent of korean men behave like this now Next one being oppa and korean chivalry.
I hate this word Oppa and like to the point where I don't really use this word and my older Korean friends around me like just accept the fact And they're just let me call them by their names I made a video about like how much I hate this word because it's like fetishized so much So like go watch that video if you're a fan of kpop or kdrama The chances are that you've been exposed to the term oppa So I feel like that the guys who like being called oppa by foreigners or literally so cringe because like the foreigners if they don't Speak any Korean and you like make them call you oppa that's literally like just so gross and then for the girls that enjoy that like I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll call you oppa It's like they're Koreabos or something I feel so I guess that it's like a good match if they have that thing going on and That they enjoy it. But from my perspective, it's not really I don't know. I used to do all sort of cringy shit with my boyfriend when I was a couple.
Like when you're in love you do cringy stuff. Oppa is not like babe. It's not like a neutral thing.
It's like hierarchical. Like you're older than me and you have like more dominance. And I'm like this cute little girl kind of vibe. And that's why the guys that like it because it makes them feel like more powerful.
Literally, which is like... So oppa used to be just like an innocent term that shows respect to a man who's more mature in terms of age. So anyone who's just like one year older.
than you like the proper way to call them would be but now thanks to k dramas and like porn honestly rather than being a simple term oppa is what korean men really want to be in a relationship so how do korean guys treat their girlfriends whether they're older than you or not korean men will typically want to be in a protected responsible and respected role in a relationship I think this is true all around the world like the media or the family that we've seen doesn't really Show any other kind of dynamic than the men being like the caregiver like you can depend upon me I'm a strong pillar of the house kind of thing So Korean men also want to be like that which is fair this desire to be oppa can be amazing when you're in a relationship With a Korean man, for example, they'll check all the points for the classic signs of chivalry and service His coat will be handed to you and your cold. Yeah, he will like go down and tie your shoelaces for you A lot of foreigner girls get taken aback from this culture. They take it like they appreciate it too much, I feel, because I feel like I have a more fair point of view on this. Because I've certainly been in situations where I'm in Sweden and then my ex does something that is very normal in Swedish culture, but it comes as such a culture shock for me. And then I turn a thing that's plus 10 points into like plus a thousand points and I'm like, oh my god.
Like I'm only gonna date Swedish guys from now on and I think that's like a big mistake There's always like two flip sides of the coin even this article says right here There can be drawbacks to the oppa dynamic South Korean guys that lean heavily on this oppa identity Could expect you to act in a demure respectful way one dynamic I had like my first Korean boyfriend that I dated for like a year He really liked to be called oppa and he was technically older than me like five six years older and he liked being five six years Older so he only dated like girls younger than him like only and like not not even two three years younger they have to be like five six years younger than him which I feel is like a red flag and he really liked to be called oppa in bed I was never allowed to like try out any like fun stuff that I wanted to try out like I don't know shoot can I try to be more dominating in bed can I try to be more like controlling and more like powerful in bed and he'll be like no because that's not how sex works and he will always just want to be like the one on top or the one controlling which is like fine as well because I enjoy that dynamic too but there's like no room for that masculinity to Go away for that type of guy from my experience. So it was like not that fun for me I guess it's enjoyable because they are really like dependable or they pretend to be dependable at least or they try to like fulfill this Fantasy of being like a perfect male prototype But for me I enjoy seeing the vulnerable side of a guy and them showing emotion and just making real contact human to human Like instead of just like I'm a man You're the woman. So our dynamic is fixed to be like that or else I'm uncomfortable So I'm not really a fan of this but this whole statement is like 8 out of 10 accurate.
Valentine's Day in Korea. Valentine's Day, especially in many countries. Yeah, I don't know what they're trying to-I'm interested to see what point they're gonna say about Korea. Valentine's Day is an excuse to shower your partner with love affection flowers and chocolate. Yes, if you're the type of woman who is a fan of Valentine's Day and all that comes with it You absolutely love the holidays and traditions that South Korea has to offer Once you're in a relationship with a South Korean man Don't worry about waiting for the year-old anniversary for a big celebration You'll be showered with affection in celebration of your one month's anniversary as well as the 100 200 300 and one year markers of your relationships I will say that the statement is like 5 out of 10 accurate I feel like if you're past the age of 25 You don't really do this anymore because you've been in like so many relationships by this point don't want to celebrate 100 200 You know, you just want to celebrate like Valentine's Day and one year But of course when you're in like the early 20s most people including me really like to like celebrate 100 days 200 days 300 days It's just like a part of a fun game because you haven't dated that much yet And it's like a new thing for us Korean people don't really date when they're in high school They just study usually so when they're 19 and in university they start dating so imagine like your first boyfriend You're like, ah, he takes selfies every time you're on the day you take like cute selfies There's the boy's head here and you know You know those kind of selfies and you have to like post them on Instagram and when it's like 100 day you have to make Like a cute homage of the pictures I used to do all that shit because it's just fun at that time So if you're a person dating a guy that's like young and like less experienced, he will have fun doing this, but an older guy would just like see no point in this.
I don't either. I started to see no point of this from like age 22 and up so it's like different at which point they are that the guys and girls decide that they don't like this So you just have to see but it'll be weird if you're like, oh I've heard that Korean people do this So let's do this because now then you're like the excited person, but you're excited about like the weird culture I don't know or maybe he'll like it. You do what you want. Should you learn Korean when dating a Korean guy?
Oh, I'm interested to see what they say There are a million reasons for learning South Korea's language If you're currently dating a Korean guy a proper community Communication is very important. So learning Korean will be an advantage to you as a plus You'll also be able to understand what you're ordering the next time you're in a Korean restaurant And then they do like a plug-in of their Korean language learning thingy I don't know if this tip is legit my two cents on this should you learn Korean while dating a Korean guy to be honest Like let's just acknowledge the fact that Korean is like a really minority language Not a lot of people in this world use language other than Koreans and we don't have like a huge population Maybe career-wise if you're not gonna work work in Korea, it's not gonna be helpful for you. So maybe you don't wanna waste your time on it. Like, it's your decision.
I feel like... It differs from person to person. Again, it's like 5 out of 10 accurate. For me, when I'm dating a foreigner, would I appreciate it that he learns Korean? Yeah, but I don't think it's necessary because I'm like fluent in English, so...
If he's gonna stay in Korea and want to work in Korea, then yes, it would be better for him to learn Korean. And then it'll be good because he'll be able to speak Korean with me as well. But if he's not gonna work in Korea and he just has a relationship with me, he doesn't need to learn Korean for me.
And I feel that if you're in a relationship with a Korean guy, that Korean guy probably... probably speaks like a good amount of English. So I don't think so.
But you need to like just openly communicate with you and him. And one thing that I know for a fact is that most Korean parents will not be good at English. So if you're like really serious, you've been in a relationship with him for five, six years, and you're gonna live in Korea, and you want to see the parents, it's probably like respectful that you know the language to communicate with the parents a little bit.
They would appreciate it a lot for sure. Or else you're just gonna be like a little awkward with the family. And I think in a serious relationship, For me, I really want to get to know the parents and like talk with them at least. So you decide what's best. You have a lot of time to decide.
Can't learn a language in like 30 days. So yeah, I wouldn't suggest like, oh you're here just for like one year exchange student and then you meet a Korean boyfriend and you're like, oh I'm just gonna learn this language. I mean I get your enthusiasm but I don't think long term it will be worth it because if you break up, which is very likely, I'm such a pessimist from all the breakups. I feel like the language will not be that much useful.
I'm a pessimist. Like maybe you really enjoy learning the language blah blah blah, but I also value my time So maybe I can use that time to learn like French or Spanish or some other more widely used language Yeah, so that is it for the video and also let me know if you want me to make more videos about Debunking myths about Korean men if you want to know more about dating culture in Korea I've made several videos about it here. So pick whichever one you want and I'll see you guys in the next video