Third Party Candidates in 2016 Election

Our main story tonight is unfortunately continuing coverage of the 2016 election. Or as it's better known, lice on rats on a horse corpse on fire 2016. This election has now achieved a dubious distinction. Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are among the most disliked presidential candidates in history. So it is hardly surprising that some are seeking an alternative. Who's your vote for right now? I really don't like either candidate to be honest. I'm not really excited about the election. I just don't really feel like I like either option. Republicans and Democrats are kind of bumming me out. 315, 320 million people and this is the best two that we can come up with. It's true. Americans are so disillusioned by the major party candidate, it seems many would prefer to vote for Kevin Kline's character from the movie Dave, or the ghost of Martin Luther King Jr., assuming he only said the three quotes that white people like. And this disenchantment may explain the high interest in America's third parties. Because when your two main options are depressing, any third choice seems good. If you're at a KFC Taco Bell and you see a bunch of pigeons eating something in the parking lot, you might well think, hang on, what have they got over there? And luckily, there are a great many third-party options out there. There's Jim Hedges of the Prohibition Party, the worst party without alcohol since your born-again cousin's wedding. There's Dan Vaychek of the Legal Marijuana Now Party, which would really be cool. towards the illegal marijuana now, legal marijuana ASAP party. And then there's independent writing candidate, Joe Exotic, who claims to run the world's largest private zoo for tigers and produces incredible campaign videos. Thanks. The worst thing is, I am not cutting my hair. I'm not changing the way I dress. I refuse to wear a suit. I am gay. I've had two boyfriends most of my life. I am broke as shit. I have a judgement against me from some bitch down there in Florida. And this is all paid for by the committee of Joe Exotic Speaks for America. Wow. Just wow. Joe Exotic is truly the candidate you'd want to sit down and... and have a beer with, then another beer, and then several more beers until you're drunk enough to try meth for the first time. The point is, Joe Exotic, make America exotic again. But the best known of the lesser-known candidates are clearly Libertarian Gary Johnson and Green Party nominee Jill Stein. In a poll just last month, more than a third of young voters said they are considering voting for one of them. So they are worth taking seriously. And before we go any further, we should probably address the common critique that third-party... party candidates can siphon off votes and potentially wind up electing an ideological opponent. And there is some historical precedent for that, from Teddy Roosevelt's 1912 run, which arguably helped to elect Democrat Woodrow Wilson, to Ralph Nader in 2000 winning nearly 100,000 votes in Florida, a state which Al Gore famously lost by just 537. But third parties are a little touchy about that whole spoiler tag. Just watch Gary Johnson respond after it's brought up. What do you guys mean of the idea that you are? to our spoiler canyon. That it's just... that it's just... it's horrible. Why would you even say that? We're giving people a chance to vote for something as opposed to the lesser of two evils. We're not spoilers, we are the first vote. So I guess we should drop out. Is that what you're saying? Is that your editorial here? Okay, Gary, just relax a little bit. You've already undercut your credentials as a serious candidate by wearing a yellow tie with jeans. Come on, Gary, you're running... running for president, not officiating Pikachu's beach wedding. Although, to be fair, Johnson's anger is understandable. Just dismissing third party candidates as spoilers shuts down debate. And while the argument that the only thing that stops Trump is a vote for Hillary Clinton is a powerful one, so is the argument that people should vote for the candidate who most closely shares their values. So let's vet these candidates not as spoilers or as protest votes, but as legitimate potential presidents. And we'll start with Jill Stein, the candidate who looks most like she believes carob is just as good as chocolate. Now, Stein is currently polling around 2% and she has a lot going for her. She's a doctor who practiced internal medicine for 27 years and she has a broadly appealing pitch from environmental issues, to expanding LGBT rights, to reducing income inequality. But when it comes to policy, we all know the devil is in the details. So how exactly is she going to accomplish her goals? And let's start with the plan that has been central to her candidacy. We're the one party that's actually calling for cancelling student debt and bailing out a generation of young people like we bailed out the bankers on... Wall Street, we can do that for this generation and unleash them to be the stimulus package of our dreams. Okay, hold on, because stimulus package of your dreams sounds like how Paul Krugman describes his penis. But she is right. Student debt is a massive $1.3 trillion problem. Canceling it is Stein's flagship proposal. It is to her campaign what the border wall is to Donald Trump's. So you would assume that she has a well-thought-out, coherent plan. My campaign is the only one that will do for young people what our misleaders saw fit to do for Wall Street not that long ago. It was about $4 trillion in... free money in the form of so-called quantitative easing, which is a magic trick that basically people don't need to understand any more about than that it is a magic trick. No, it isn't though! It is a very complicated monetary policy tool. And while it might not be important for most people to understand it, you certainly have to, and I don't think you do. Because for a start, while Jill Stein has said the president has the authority to cancel student debt using quantitative easing, that is absolutely wrong. The president does not have that authority, only the Federal Reserve does, and it does not take marching orders from the White House because that would be extremely dangerous. You don't want to give presidents the power to just create new money whenever they want to. Think of it like this, if Joe Exotic is elected... You don't want him to be able to order the Fed to create money for the most lavish tiger-themed orgy the nation has ever seen, because they would then have to print the $3,500 it would take to do that. So, that issue alone makes her plan a non-starter before we even get into the fact that quantitative easing does not apply here. Stein is implying that it was used to cancel banks'debts, and that is absolutely not what it did. Using it the way that she's describing amounts to a president unilaterally passing a new law and funding it by by printing new money. And the dangers of that should be pretty obvious. In terms of how fundamentally flawed that is on every level, it's basically akin to saying, I'll make us energy independent by ordering the post office to invade Canada. No, Jill, that's impractical, it's a terrible idea, and you don't seem to understand anything about it. When I said her student debt proposal was her version of Donald Trump's border wall, I meant it. Because the only way it could be any more unlikely is if she claims Mexico... Mexico was somehow going to pay for it. And for a candidate who seems to be running on principle, it can be hard to pin her down on what those principles are. After the EU Brexit vote, her campaign issued a statement in which she called the decision a victory before changing it to read, I agreed with the UK Greens who supported staying in the EU. And in response to charges that she was anti-vaccination, she tweeted... There's no evidence that autism is caused by vaccines before Jill Stein, a doctor, remember, replaced it with a more equivocal, I'm not aware of evidence linking autism with vaccines, leaving the door open for doubt and... measles. And this strategic vagueness even applies to answering a question from a 9-11 truther. I believe that the hijackers were patsies. They did have intent, but there was no way they could fly those planes the way they did, and there's no way those steel buildings could fall the way they did. Do you have an opinion about that? So, I think we need the full story. And the 9-11 commission itself said... we don't have the full story. So I would simply bring back that commission. This isn't controversial, in my view. It's time to get the full story. What are you doing? You know that man thinks you just agreed with him now, right? You can't just hear a conspiracy theory, fan the flames and then walk away. Is Katy Perry John Bonet Ramsey? Well, identity theft is a real and persistent issue in this day and age, and we really need to look into that. And if none of what I have said bothers you, that's fine. I mean, it's not really fine, but that is your right. But you are also gonna need to co-sign on one more awkward thing, and that is that Jill Stein recorded several albums as part of a 90s folk rock band called Somebody's Sister. And you don't get to not hear what they sound like. She wonders what will happen to her... Jill, Jill, that is a very bad song. For a start, Silent Thunder is nothing. You're describing silence. And I... ...finally cannot have a president who's going to play her own inauguration with a band that sounds like the Indigo Girls fronting the red hot chili peppers. So for now, let's move on to Gary Johnson, the two-term governor of New Mexico and the man who in most photographs seems to be... around 80% sure that he is running for president. Now, he has been polling around 6% nationally, which is pretty remarkable, given that his race has been largely notable for moments like not knowing what Aleppo is, not being able to... to name a world leader he admires and whatever it is that he's doing here. Do you think if you were able to get on the debate stage that you could pull even? I think I could stand up there for the whole debate and not say anything and emerge as a world leader. I'm not sure if he was doing that with his tongue on purpose or if Gary Johnson's tongue just decided, it, I'm done, and tried to escape through his mouth. But look, there is obviously more to Gary Johnson than just mistakes. For instance, he is an avid outdoorsman who loves mountain climbing so much, he once described summiting Mount Everest like this. People ask me, gosh, what was it like to conquer Mount Everest? Well, I did not conquer Mount Everest. She lifted her skirt and I got in there and got a peek and it was really cool. Okay. Okay, I'm still a little confused here. Did you actually climb Mount Everest? Or did you just dry hump the side of it and then go home? It was great, now smell my finger, there's still some mountain air on it. What is wrong with you? Now, as for his policies, as with Jill Stein, there is a lot to like there. He supports marijuana legalization and opposes the death penalty, civil forfeiture, and police militarization. But scratch beneath the surface, and there are some positions you may be less comfortable with. For instance, he opposes having a minimum wage, and when he says he's for smaller government, he's not kidding around. Governors, could you name three federal departments or agencies that you would eliminate? Education, the Department of Commerce, and Housing and Urban Development. How's that for starters? Whoa there! giving up government agencies left and right. This is Sophie's choice if she hated all of her children. Take both kids, I'm sick of stepping on Legos. Off you go. But, but, to be fair, that is an intellectually consistent position. but now watch him fold under the slightest pressure. Would any of their functions still be performed by the federal government? Gosh, if... And you'd have to assume that they were doing something that was of value. And yeah, if they are doing something of value, yes, we would be looking to continue those operations. Those departments all do a lot of stuff. You can't identify any specific things they do? You're asking... You're asking three departments, and I'm giving them to you. Well, let's just take the assumption that they should be eliminated. Okay, for the record, and this is probably obvious, those three departments do actually do things of value. Assuming that you find Pell Grants, Mortgage Insurance, Low Income Housing Programs, the National Weather Service, the Patent and Trademark Office, and the Census Bureau to be of some value. And if it comes as news to you that that's what those departments do, well then, hi, Gary, I'm excited you're watching the show. Uh, quick piece of advice, please stop trying to f*** mountains. And again, again, like Jill Stein, Johnson is prone to overly simple solutions that could have disastrous consequences. Just look at how he applies his small government approach to tax policy. If I could wave a magic wand, I would eliminate income tax. I would eliminate corporate tax. I would abolish the IRS and I would replace it all with one federal consumption tax. Come on, Gary! You have a magic wand, and the first thing you do is eliminate income tax with it. Shame on you! The first thing anyone should do is make soap taste as good as it smells. And you, don't judge me! It's not the only thing that I would do, it's just the first thing I would do. But that... Magical simple plan gets complicated very fast because Johnson says his consumption tax would be between 23 and 28 percent on almost everything you buy And that could clearly hurt poor people the most so his answer is that every single home in America would receive a pre-bate check each month, covering the cost of the sales tax up to around the poverty line. But when a presidential advisory panel studied a similar proposal a decade ago, they found that it's not just that simple. Aside from the complexity of the pre-bate program, which by the way would become America's largest entitlement program ever. For this policy to work, they suggested the sales tax would have to be way more than 28%, with the burden falling heavily on the middle class. And to avoid all that, there might have to be savage government cuts. But rather than honestly admit that, Johnson tries to wriggle out of the subject. The big problem with doing what you're doing is you wind up cutting the amount of revenues that government has to work on. No, actually it's revenue neutral. The whole proposal... That's not so... According to economists, that's not so easy to achieve. Well then, well maybe not. Because you're doing... Why? Just to give you the context, why? If you say the fair tax number that's usually thrown out is 28%, this would be your consumption tax. So you're automatically reducing the 39% from the top level down. That creates an issue about how you want to distribute the tax burden. You're getting a little too into the weeds here. You think so? What do you mean, too in the weeds? The only point of discussing tax policy is to get into the weeds. That and preventing premature ejaculation. That's the two options. And if it can seem like Gary Johnson occasionally just doesn't give a f***, Maybe he doesn't, because wait until you hear his stance on combating climate change. Should we take the long-term view when it comes to global warming? I think that we should. And the long-term view is that in billions of years, the sun is going to actually grow and encompass the earth, right? So global warming is in our future. That's your plan? Don't worry, we'll all be dead eventually anyway? I guess we're just lucky that we won't be around to see that day because I do not want the last thing I hear to be Gary Johnson saying the sun's not so much conquered the earth, it's merely lifted up her skirt and finger blasted it. No, Gary! Why are you so weird? The point here is, the more you look at both Gary Johnson and Jill Stein, the more you realise the lack of coverage they complain about so much might have genuinely benefited them. Because their key proposals begin to crumble under the slightest scrutiny. And look, I... I would love for there to be a perfect third-party candidate. I even understand the argument that a third-party candidate can put a new issue or a new solution on the table, but it is hard to make the case that that is what's happening here. There is no perfect candidate in this race. And when people say you don't have to choose the lesser of two evils, they are right, because you have to choose the lesser of four. Anyone who goes into a voting booth on November the 8th and comes out saying, I feel 100% great about what I just did in there, is either lying to themselves or did something unspeakable in that booth. And that means, as uncomfortable as this is, everyone has to own the flaws of whoever you vote for, whether they are a lying, handsy, narcissistic sociopath, a hawkish, Wall Street-friendly embodiment of everything that some people can't stand about politics, an ill-tempered mountain molester with a radical, dangerous tax plan that even he can't defend, or a conspiracy-pandering political neophyte with no clear understanding of how government operates and who once recorded this folk rap about the virtues of bicycling. She's up there in the sun, at least the scar, but to her it's a salvation. I feel like we just figured out who or what killed Biggie and Tupac. And before you say, well, hold on, John, there is one perfect candidate that you haven't mentioned yet, I will remind you, he's broke as shit and he will not wear a suit.

I really don't like either candidate to be honest. I'm not really excited about the election. I just don't really feel like I like either option.

Republicans and Democrats are kind of bumming me out. 315, 320 million people and this is the best two that we can come up with. It's true.

Americans are so disillusioned by the major party candidate, it seems many would prefer to vote for Kevin Kline's character from the movie Dave, or the ghost of Martin Luther King Jr., assuming he only said the three quotes that white people like. And this disenchantment may explain the high interest in America's third parties. Because when your two main options are depressing, any third choice seems good. If you're at a KFC Taco Bell and you see a bunch of pigeons eating something in the parking lot, you might well think, hang on, what have they got over there?

And luckily, there are a great many third-party options out there. There's Jim Hedges of the Prohibition Party, the worst party without alcohol since your born-again cousin's wedding. There's Dan Vaychek of the Legal Marijuana Now Party, which would really be cool.

towards the illegal marijuana now, legal marijuana ASAP party. And then there's independent writing candidate, Joe Exotic, who claims to run the world's largest private zoo for tigers and produces incredible campaign videos. Thanks. The worst thing is, I am not cutting my hair. I'm not changing the way I dress.

I refuse to wear a suit. I am gay. I've had two boyfriends most of my life. I am broke as shit.

I have a judgement against me from some bitch down there in Florida. And this is all paid for by the committee of Joe Exotic Speaks for America. Wow. Just wow.

Joe Exotic is truly the candidate you'd want to sit down and... and have a beer with, then another beer, and then several more beers until you're drunk enough to try meth for the first time. The point is, Joe Exotic, make America exotic again. But the best known of the lesser-known candidates are clearly Libertarian Gary Johnson and Green Party nominee Jill Stein.

In a poll just last month, more than a third of young voters said they are considering voting for one of them. So they are worth taking seriously. And before we go any further, we should probably address the common critique that third-party... party candidates can siphon off votes and potentially wind up electing an ideological opponent. And there is some historical precedent for that, from Teddy Roosevelt's 1912 run, which arguably helped to elect Democrat Woodrow Wilson, to Ralph Nader in 2000 winning nearly 100,000 votes in Florida, a state which Al Gore famously lost by just 537. But third parties are a little touchy about that whole spoiler tag.

Just watch Gary Johnson respond after it's brought up. What do you guys mean of the idea that you are? to our spoiler canyon.

That it's just... that it's just... it's horrible. Why would you even say that? We're giving people a chance to vote for something as opposed to the lesser of two evils.

We're not spoilers, we are the first vote. So I guess we should drop out. Is that what you're saying? Is that your editorial here?

Okay, Gary, just relax a little bit. You've already undercut your credentials as a serious candidate by wearing a yellow tie with jeans. Come on, Gary, you're running...

running for president, not officiating Pikachu's beach wedding. Although, to be fair, Johnson's anger is understandable. Just dismissing third party candidates as spoilers shuts down debate. And while the argument that the only thing that stops Trump is a vote for Hillary Clinton is a powerful one, so is the argument that people should vote for the candidate who most closely shares their values.

So let's vet these candidates not as spoilers or as protest votes, but as legitimate potential presidents. And we'll start with Jill Stein, the candidate who looks most like she believes carob is just as good as chocolate. Now, Stein is currently polling around 2% and she has a lot going for her. She's a doctor who practiced internal medicine for 27 years and she has a broadly appealing pitch from environmental issues, to expanding LGBT rights, to reducing income inequality.

But when it comes to policy, we all know the devil is in the details. So how exactly is she going to accomplish her goals? And let's start with the plan that has been central to her candidacy. We're the one party that's actually calling for cancelling student debt and bailing out a generation of young people like we bailed out the bankers on...

Wall Street, we can do that for this generation and unleash them to be the stimulus package of our dreams. Okay, hold on, because stimulus package of your dreams sounds like how Paul Krugman describes his penis. But she is right.

Student debt is a massive $1.3 trillion problem. Canceling it is Stein's flagship proposal. It is to her campaign what the border wall is to Donald Trump's.

So you would assume that she has a well-thought-out, coherent plan. My campaign is the only one that will do for young people what our misleaders saw fit to do for Wall Street not that long ago. It was about $4 trillion in... free money in the form of so-called quantitative easing, which is a magic trick that basically people don't need to understand any more about than that it is a magic trick. No, it isn't though!

It is a very complicated monetary policy tool. And while it might not be important for most people to understand it, you certainly have to, and I don't think you do. Because for a start, while Jill Stein has said the president has the authority to cancel student debt using quantitative easing, that is absolutely wrong.

The president does not have that authority, only the Federal Reserve does, and it does not take marching orders from the White House because that would be extremely dangerous. You don't want to give presidents the power to just create new money whenever they want to. Think of it like this, if Joe Exotic is elected...

You don't want him to be able to order the Fed to create money for the most lavish tiger-themed orgy the nation has ever seen, because they would then have to print the $3,500 it would take to do that. So, that issue alone makes her plan a non-starter before we even get into the fact that quantitative easing does not apply here. Stein is implying that it was used to cancel banks'debts, and that is absolutely not what it did.

Using it the way that she's describing amounts to a president unilaterally passing a new law and funding it by by printing new money. And the dangers of that should be pretty obvious. In terms of how fundamentally flawed that is on every level, it's basically akin to saying, I'll make us energy independent by ordering the post office to invade Canada.

No, Jill, that's impractical, it's a terrible idea, and you don't seem to understand anything about it. When I said her student debt proposal was her version of Donald Trump's border wall, I meant it. Because the only way it could be any more unlikely is if she claims Mexico... Mexico was somehow going to pay for it.

And for a candidate who seems to be running on principle, it can be hard to pin her down on what those principles are. After the EU Brexit vote, her campaign issued a statement in which she called the decision a victory before changing it to read, I agreed with the UK Greens who supported staying in the EU. And in response to charges that she was anti-vaccination, she tweeted...

There's no evidence that autism is caused by vaccines before Jill Stein, a doctor, remember, replaced it with a more equivocal, I'm not aware of evidence linking autism with vaccines, leaving the door open for doubt and... measles. And this strategic vagueness even applies to answering a question from a 9-11 truther.

I believe that the hijackers were patsies. They did have intent, but there was no way they could fly those planes the way they did, and there's no way those steel buildings could fall the way they did. Do you have an opinion about that? So, I think we need the full story. And the 9-11 commission itself said...

we don't have the full story. So I would simply bring back that commission. This isn't controversial, in my view. It's time to get the full story. What are you doing?

You know that man thinks you just agreed with him now, right? You can't just hear a conspiracy theory, fan the flames and then walk away. Is Katy Perry John Bonet Ramsey?

Well, identity theft is a real and persistent issue in this day and age, and we really need to look into that. And if none of what I have said bothers you, that's fine. I mean, it's not really fine, but that is your right.

But you are also gonna need to co-sign on one more awkward thing, and that is that Jill Stein recorded several albums as part of a 90s folk rock band called Somebody's Sister. And you don't get to not hear what they sound like. She wonders what will happen to her...

Jill, Jill, that is a very bad song. For a start, Silent Thunder is nothing. You're describing silence.

And I... ...finally cannot have a president who's going to play her own inauguration with a band that sounds like the Indigo Girls fronting the red hot chili peppers. So for now, let's move on to Gary Johnson, the two-term governor of New Mexico and the man who in most photographs seems to be...

around 80% sure that he is running for president. Now, he has been polling around 6% nationally, which is pretty remarkable, given that his race has been largely notable for moments like not knowing what Aleppo is, not being able to... to name a world leader he admires and whatever it is that he's doing here.

Do you think if you were able to get on the debate stage that you could pull even? I think I could stand up there for the whole debate and not say anything and emerge as a world leader. I'm not sure if he was doing that with his tongue on purpose or if Gary Johnson's tongue just decided, it, I'm done, and tried to escape through his mouth. But look, there is obviously more to Gary Johnson than just mistakes. For instance, he is an avid outdoorsman who loves mountain climbing so much, he once described summiting Mount Everest like this.

People ask me, gosh, what was it like to conquer Mount Everest? Well, I did not conquer Mount Everest. She lifted her skirt and I got in there and got a peek and it was really cool.

Okay. Okay, I'm still a little confused here. Did you actually climb Mount Everest? Or did you just dry hump the side of it and then go home? It was great, now smell my finger, there's still some mountain air on it.

What is wrong with you? Now, as for his policies, as with Jill Stein, there is a lot to like there. He supports marijuana legalization and opposes the death penalty, civil forfeiture, and police militarization.

But scratch beneath the surface, and there are some positions you may be less comfortable with. For instance, he opposes having a minimum wage, and when he says he's for smaller government, he's not kidding around. Governors, could you name three federal departments or agencies that you would eliminate?

Education, the Department of Commerce, and Housing and Urban Development. How's that for starters? Whoa there!

giving up government agencies left and right. This is Sophie's choice if she hated all of her children. Take both kids, I'm sick of stepping on Legos. Off you go.

But, but, to be fair, that is an intellectually consistent position. but now watch him fold under the slightest pressure. Would any of their functions still be performed by the federal government?

Gosh, if... And you'd have to assume that they were doing something that was of value. And yeah, if they are doing something of value, yes, we would be looking to continue those operations.

Those departments all do a lot of stuff. You can't identify any specific things they do? You're asking...

You're asking three departments, and I'm giving them to you. Well, let's just take the assumption that they should be eliminated. Okay, for the record, and this is probably obvious, those three departments do actually do things of value. Assuming that you find Pell Grants, Mortgage Insurance, Low Income Housing Programs, the National Weather Service, the Patent and Trademark Office, and the Census Bureau to be of some value. And if it comes as news to you that that's what those departments do, well then, hi, Gary, I'm excited you're watching the show.

Uh, quick piece of advice, please stop trying to f*** mountains. And again, again, like Jill Stein, Johnson is prone to overly simple solutions that could have disastrous consequences. Just look at how he applies his small government approach to tax policy.

If I could wave a magic wand, I would eliminate income tax. I would eliminate corporate tax. I would abolish the IRS and I would replace it all with one federal consumption tax. Come on, Gary! You have a magic wand, and the first thing you do is eliminate income tax with it.

Shame on you! The first thing anyone should do is make soap taste as good as it smells. And you, don't judge me! It's not the only thing that I would do, it's just the first thing I would do. But that...

Magical simple plan gets complicated very fast because Johnson says his consumption tax would be between 23 and 28 percent on almost everything you buy And that could clearly hurt poor people the most so his answer is that every single home in America would receive a pre-bate check each month, covering the cost of the sales tax up to around the poverty line. But when a presidential advisory panel studied a similar proposal a decade ago, they found that it's not just that simple. Aside from the complexity of the pre-bate program, which by the way would become America's largest entitlement program ever.

For this policy to work, they suggested the sales tax would have to be way more than 28%, with the burden falling heavily on the middle class. And to avoid all that, there might have to be savage government cuts. But rather than honestly admit that, Johnson tries to wriggle out of the subject.

The big problem with doing what you're doing is you wind up cutting the amount of revenues that government has to work on. No, actually it's revenue neutral. The whole proposal... That's not so...

According to economists, that's not so easy to achieve. Well then, well maybe not. Because you're doing...

Why? Just to give you the context, why? If you say the fair tax number that's usually thrown out is 28%, this would be your consumption tax. So you're automatically reducing the 39% from the top level down.

That creates an issue about how you want to distribute the tax burden. You're getting a little too into the weeds here. You think so? What do you mean, too in the weeds?

The only point of discussing tax policy is to get into the weeds. That and preventing premature ejaculation. That's the two options.

And if it can seem like Gary Johnson occasionally just doesn't give a f***, Maybe he doesn't, because wait until you hear his stance on combating climate change. Should we take the long-term view when it comes to global warming? I think that we should. And the long-term view is that in billions of years, the sun is going to actually grow and encompass the earth, right?

So global warming is in our future. That's your plan? Don't worry, we'll all be dead eventually anyway?

I guess we're just lucky that we won't be around to see that day because I do not want the last thing I hear to be Gary Johnson saying the sun's not so much conquered the earth, it's merely lifted up her skirt and finger blasted it. No, Gary! Why are you so weird?

The point here is, the more you look at both Gary Johnson and Jill Stein, the more you realise the lack of coverage they complain about so much might have genuinely benefited them. Because their key proposals begin to crumble under the slightest scrutiny. And look, I...

I would love for there to be a perfect third-party candidate. I even understand the argument that a third-party candidate can put a new issue or a new solution on the table, but it is hard to make the case that that is what's happening here. There is no perfect candidate in this race.

And when people say you don't have to choose the lesser of two evils, they are right, because you have to choose the lesser of four. Anyone who goes into a voting booth on November the 8th and comes out saying, I feel 100% great about what I just did in there, is either lying to themselves or did something unspeakable in that booth. And that means, as uncomfortable as this is, everyone has to own the flaws of whoever you vote for, whether they are a lying, handsy, narcissistic sociopath, a hawkish, Wall Street-friendly embodiment of everything that some people can't stand about politics, an ill-tempered mountain molester with a radical, dangerous tax plan that even he can't defend, or a conspiracy-pandering political neophyte with no clear understanding of how government operates and who once recorded this folk rap about the virtues of bicycling. She's up there in the sun, at least the scar, but to her it's a salvation.

I feel like we just figured out who or what killed Biggie and Tupac. And before you say, well, hold on, John, there is one perfect candidate that you haven't mentioned yet, I will remind you, he's broke as shit and he will not wear a suit.

Transcript for:Third Party Candidates in 2016 Election

Transcript for:
Third Party Candidates in 2016 Election