chapter 30 of Jane Eyre this is a LibriVox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org recording by elizabeth klett jane eyre by charlotte brontë chapter thirty the more I knew the inmates of moor house the better I liked them in a few days I had so far recovered my health but I could sit up all day and walk out sometimes I could join with Diana and Mary in all their occupations converse with them as much as they wished and aid them when and where they would allow me there was a reviving pleasure in this intercourse of a kind now tasted by me for the first time the pleasure arising from perfect Congeniality of tastes sentiments and principles I liked to read what they liked to read what they enjoyed delighted me what they approved I reverenced they loved their sequestered home I too in the gray small antique structure with its low roof its latticed casements its moldering walls its avenue of aged furs all grown a slant under the stress of mountain winds its garden dark with you and Holly and when no flowers but of the hardiest species with bloom found a charm both potent and permanent they clung to the purple moors behind and around their dwelling to the hollow Vale into which the pebbly bridal path leading from their gate descended and which wound between fern banks first and then among a few of the wildest little pasture fields that ever bordered a wilderness of heath or gave sustenance to a flock of grey moorland sheep with their little mossy faced lambs they clung to this scene I say with a perfect enthusiasm of attachment I could comprehend the feeling and share both its strength and truth I saw the fascination of the locality I felt the consecration of its loneliness my I feasted on the outline of swell and sweep on the wild colouring communicated to ridge and dell by MA by Heath Bell buy flowers sprinkled turf by brilliant bracken and mellow granite crag these details were just to me what they were to them so many pure and sweet sources of pleasure the strong blast and the soft breeze the rough and the halcyon day the hours of sunrise and sunset the moonlight and the cloud at night developed for me in these regions the same attraction as for them wound round my faculties the same spell that entranced theirs indoors we agreed equally well they were both more accomplished and better read than I was but with eagerness I followed in the path of knowledge they had trodden before me I devoured the books they lent me then it was full satisfaction to discuss with them in the evening would I had perused during the day thought fitted thought opinion met opinion we coincided in short perfectly if in our trio there was a superior and a leader it was Diana physically she bar excelled me she was handsome she was vigorous in her animal spirits there was an affluence of life and certainty flow such as excited my wonder while it baffled my comprehension I could talk a while when the evening commenced but the first gush of her vasa tea influency gone i was fain to sit on a stool at Diana's feet to rest my head on her knee and listen alternately to her and Mary while they sounded thoroughly the topic on which I had but touched diana offered to teach me German I liked to learn of her I saw the part of instructress pleased and suited her that of scholar pleased and suited me no less our natures dovetailed mutual affection of the strongest kind was the result they discovered I could draw their pencils and Colour boxes were immediately at my service my skill greater in this one point than theirs surprised and charmed them Mary would sit and watch me by the hour together then she would take lessons and a docile intelligent assiduous pupil she made thus occupied and mutually entertain and days passed like hours and weeks like days as to mr. Sinjin the intimacy which had arisen so naturally and rapidly between me and his sisters did not extend to him one reason of the distance yet observed between us was that he was comparatively seldom at home a large proportion of his time appeared devoted to visiting the sick and poor among the scattered population of his parish no word that seemed to hinder him in these pastoral excursions rain or fair he would when his hours of morning study were over take his hat and followed by his father's old pointer Carlo go out on his mission of love or duty I scarcely know in which light he regarded it sometimes when the day was very unfavorable his sisters would expostulate he would then say with a peculiar smile more solemn than cheerful and if I let a gust of wind or a sprinkling of rain turned me aside from these easy tasks what preparation with such sloth be for the future I proposed to myself Diana and Mary sterile answer this question was a sigh and some minutes of apparently mournful meditation but besides his frequent absences there was another barrier to friendship with him he seemed of a reserved and abstracted and even of a brooding nature zealous in his ministerial Labor's blameless in his life and habits he yet did not appear to enjoy that mental serenity that inward content which should be the reward of every sincere Christian and practical philanthropist often of an evening when he sat the window his desk and papers before him he would cease reading or writing rest his chin on his hand and deliver himself up to I know not what course of thought but that it was perturbed and exciting might be seen in the frequent flash and changeable dilation of his eye I think moreover that nature was not to him that treasury of delight it was to his sisters he expressed once and but once in my hearing a strong sense of the rugged charm of the hills and an inborn affection for the dark roof and hoary walls he called his home but there was more of gloom than pleasure in the tone and words in which the sentiment was manifested Nerva tea seemed to roam the Moors for the sake of their soothing silence never seek out or dwell upon thousand peaceful delights they could yield in communicative as he was some time elapsed before I an opportunity of gauging his mind I first got an idea of its caliber when I heard him preach in his own church at Morton I wish I could describe that sermon but it is past my power I cannot even render faithfully the effect it produced on me it began calm and indeed as far as delivery and pitch a voice went it was calm to the end and honestly felt yet strictly restrained zeal breathe soon in the distinct accents and prompt in the nervous language this Groot force compressed condensed controlled the heart was thrilled the mind astonished by the power of the preacher neither was softened throughout there was a strange bitterness an absence of consolatory gentleness stern allusions to Calvinistic doctrines election predestination reprobation were frequent and each reference to these points sounded like sentence pronounced for doom when he had done instead of feeling better calmer more enlightened by his discourse I experienced an inexpressible sadness for it seemed to me I know not whether equally so to others that the eloquence to which I had been listening had sprung from a depth where lay turbid dregs of disappointment were moved troubling impulse has been satiate yearnings and disquieting aspirations I was sure singe in rivers pure lived conscientious zealous as he was had not yet found that peace of God which passeth all understanding he no more it found it I thought than had I with my concealed and wracking regrets my broken idle and lost lycium regrets to which I have latterly avoided referring but which possessed me and tyrannize Dover me ruthlessly meantime a month was gone Diana and Mary was soon to leave Moor house and return to the far different life and scene which awaited them as governesses in a large fashionable South of England City where each held a situation in famine by who's wealthy and haughty members they were regarded only as humble dependants and who neither knew nor sought out their innate excellencies and appreciated only their acquired accomplishments as they appreciated the skill of their cook or the taste of their waiting woman mr. Sinjin had said nothing to me yet about the employment he had promised to obtain for me yet it became urgent that I should have a vacation of some kind one morning being left alone with him a few minutes in the parlour I ventured to approach the window recess which his table chair and desk consecrated as a kind of study and I was going to speak there not very well knowing in what words to frame my inquiry for it is at all times difficult to break the ice of reserved glassing over such natures as his when he saved me the trouble by being the first to commence a dialogue looking up as I drew near you have a question to ask of me he said yes I wish to know whether you have heard of any service I can offer myself to undertake I found or devised something for you three weeks ago but as you seemed both useful and happy here as my sister's had evidently become attached to you and your society gave him unusual pleasure I deemed it an expedient to break in on your mutual comfort till they're approaching departure from Marsh end should render yours necessary and they will go in three days now I said yes and when they go I shall return to the parsonage at Morton panama company me and this old house will be shut up I waited a few moments expecting he would go on with a subject first broached but he seemed to entered another train of reflection his look denoted abstraction from me in my business I was obliged to recall him to a theme which was of necessity one of close and anxious interest to me but what is the employment you had in view mr. rivers I hope this delay will not have increased the difficulty of securing it oh no since it is an employment which depends only on me to give and you to accept he again paused there seemed a reluctance to continue I grew impatient this movement or two and the eager and exacting glance fastened on his face conveyed the feeling to him as effectually as words could have done and with less trouble you need me in no hurry to hear he said let me frankly tell you I have nothing eligible or profitable to suggest before I explain recall if you please my notice clearly given that if I helped you it must be as the blind man would help the lame I am poor for I find that my paid my father's debts all the patrimony remaining to me will be this crumbling Grange the rove scathed firs behind and the patch of Moorish soil with the yew trees and holly bushes in front I am obscure rivers is an old name but of the three sole descendants of the race to earn the dependents crust among strangers and the third considers himself an alien from his native country not only for life but in death yes and deems and is bound to deem himself honored by the lot and despised but after the day when the cross of separation from fleshly tie shall be laid on his shoulders and when the head of that church militant of whose hum breast members he is one shall give the word rise follow me Sinjin said these words as he pronounced his sermons with a quiet deep voice with an unflushed cheek and a coruscating radiance of glance he resumed and since I am myself poor and obscure I can offer you but a service of poverty and obscurity you may even think it degrading for I see now your habits of being with the world calls refined your tastes lean to the ideal and your society has at least been among the educated but I consider that no service to grades which can better our race I hold that the more arid an unreclaimed the soil with a Christian laborious task of Atilla disappointed him the scanty of the mead his toil brings the higher the honor his under such circumstances as the destiny of the pioneer and the first pioneers of the gospel with the Apostles their captain was Jesus the Redeemer himself well I said as he again paused proceeded he looked at me before he proceeded indeed he seemed leisurely to read my face as if its features and lines were characters on a page the conclusions drawn from his scrutiny he partially expressed in his succeeding observations I believe you will accept the post I offer you he said and hold it for a while not permanently though any more than I could permanently keep the narrow and the narrowing the tranquil hidden office of English country incumbent for in your nature as an alloy as detrimental to repose as that in mine though of a different kind do you explain I heard when he halted once more I will and you shall hear how poor the proposal is how trivial how cramping I shall not stay long with Morton now that my father is dead and that I am my own master I shall leave the place probably in the course of a twelvemonth but while I do stay I will exert myself to the utmost for its improvement Morton when I came to it two years ago had no school the children of the poor were excluded from every hope of progress I established one for boys I mean now to open a second school for girls I have hired a building for the purpose with a cottage of two rooms attached to it for the mistress's house her salary will be thirty pounds a year her house is already furnished very simply but sufficiently by the kindness of a lady miss Oliver the only daughter of the soul rich man and my parish mr. Oliver the proprietor of a needle Factory an iron foundry in the valley the same lady pays for the education and clothing of an orphan from the workhouse on condition that she shall aid the mistress in such menial offices connected with her own house and the school as her occupation of teaching prevent to having time to discharge in person will you be this mistress he put the question rather hurriedly he seemed half to expect an indignant or at least a disdainful rejection of the offer not knowing all my thoughts and feelings though guessing some he could not tell in what light the lot would appear to me in truth it was humble but then it was sheltered and I wanted to safe asylum it was plotting but then compared with that of a governess in a rich house it was independent and the fear of servitude with strangers entered my soul like iron it was not ignoble not unworthy not mentally degrading I made my decision thank you for the proposal mr. rivers and I accept it with all my heart but you comprehend me he said it is a village school your scholars would be only poor girls cottages children at the best farmers daughters knitting sewing reading writing ciphering will be all you'll have to teach what will you do with your accomplishments what with the largest portion of your mind sentiments tastes save them till they I wanted they will keep you know what you undertake then I do he now smiled and not a bitter or a sad smile but one well pleased and deeply gratified and when will you commence the exercise of your function I will go to my house tomorrow and open the school if you like next week very well so be it he rose and walked through standing still he again looked at me he shook his head what do you disapprove of mr. rivers I asked you will not stay at Morton long no no and why what is your reason for saying so I read it in your eye it is not of that description which promises the maintenance of an even tenor in life I am NOT ambitious he started at the word ambitious he repeated know what made you think of ambition who was ambitious I know I am but how did you find it out I was speaking of myself well if you're not ambitious you are he paused what I was going to say impassioned but perhaps he would have misunderstood the word and been displeased I mean that human affections and sympathies have a most powerful hold on you I am sure you cannot long be content to pass your leisure in solitude and to devote your working hours to a monotonous labor wholly void of stimulus any more than I can be content he added with emphasis to live here buried in morass pent in with mountains my nature that God gave me contravened my faculties heaven bestowed paralysed made useless you here now how I contradict myself I who preached contentment with a humble lot and justified the vacation even of hewers of wood and drawers of water in God's service I his ordained minister almost rave in my restlessness well propensity and principles must be reconciled by some means he left the room in this brief hour had learned more of him than in the whole previous month yet still he puzzled me Diana and Mary rivers became more sad and silent as the day approached for leaving their brother and their home they both tried to appear as usual but the sorrow they had to struggle against was one that could not be entirely conquered or concealed Diana intimated that this would be a different parting from any they had ever yet known it would probably as far as Sinjin was concerned be a parting for years it might be a parting for life he was sacrificed all to his long framed resolves she said natural affection and feelings more potent still Sinjin looks quiet Jane but he hides a fever in his vitals you would think him gentle yet in some things he's an extra boy's death and the worst of it tears my conscience will hardly permit me dissuade him from his severe decision certainly I cannot for a moment blame him for it it is right Christian noble it breaks my heart and the tears gushed to her fine eyes Mary bent her head low over her work we are now without father we shall soon be without home and brother she murmured at that moment a little accident supervened which seemed to Creed by fate purposely to prove the truth of the adage that misfortunes never come singly and to add to their distress the vexing one of the slit between the cup and lip Sinjin past the window reading a letter he entered our Uncle John is dead said he both the sister seemed struck not shocked or appalled the tidings appeared in their eyes rather momentous than afflicting dead repeated Diana yes she riveted a searching gaze on her brother's face and what then she demanded in a low voice what then died he replied maintaining a marble the mobility of feature what then why nothing read he threw the letter into her lap she glanced over it and handed it to Mary Mary perused it in silence and returned it to her brother all three looked at each other and all three smiled a dreary pensive smile enough her men weakened yet live said Diana at last at any rate it makes us feel worse off than we were before remarked Mary only it forces rather strongly on the mind the picture of what might have been said mr. rivers and contrasts it somewhat too vividly with what is he folded the letter locked it in his desk and again went out for some minutes no one spoke Diana then turned to me Jane you will wonder at us in our mysteries she said and think us hard-hearted beings not to be more moves the death of Sonia relation as an uncle but we had never seen him or known him he was my mother's brother my father and he quarrelled long ago it was by his advice that my father risked most of his property in the speculation that ruined him mutual recrimination passed between them they parted in anger and were never reconciled my uncle engaged afterwards and more prosperous undertakings it appears he realized a fortune of twenty thousand pounds he was never married and had no near kindred but ourselves and one other person brought more closely related than we my father always cherished the idea that he would tone per his era by leaving his possessions to us that letter informs us that he has bequeathed every penny to the other relation with the exception of 30 guineas to be divided between Sinjin Diana and Mary rivers for the purchase of three morning rings he had a right of course to do as he pleased and at a momentary damp is cast on the spirits by the receipt of such news Mary and I would have esteemed ourselves rich with a thousand pounds each and to Sinjin such a sum would have been valuable for the good it would have enabled him to do this explanation given the subject was dropped and no further reference made to it by either mr. rivers or his sisters the next day I left Marsh end for Morton the day after Diana and Mary quitted it for distant B in a week mr. rivers and Hannah repaired to the parsonage and so the old Grange was abandoned end of chapter 30