Notes from Lecture by Daniel Shapiro on "Negotiating the Nonnegotiable"

Introduction

• Speaker: Daniel Shapiro, expert in negotiation and conflict resolution
• Background: Founder and director of Harvard International Negotiation Program
• Notable Achievements: Featured in major publications, recipient of several awards, recognized as a Young Global Leader by the World Economic Forum.

Personal Anecdote

• Shapiro recalls an incident at the World Economic Forum (Davos) about sneaking into a Google party and meeting Larry Page, co-founder of Google.

Audience Engagement

• Shapiro engages audience with questions about experiencing emotionally-charged conflicts.

Case Study: The Poplar Tree Incident

• Context: A poplar tree at the border of North and South Korea became a focal point for conflict.
• Incident: South Korean soldiers attempted to trim the tree, leading to a deadly confrontation with North Korean troops, almost escalating to war.
• Questions Raised:
  1. Why do we get stuck in emotionally-charged conflicts?
  2. How do we get out?

Purpose of the Lecture

1. Discuss the mindset that traps people in conflict.
2. Identify emotional forces that pull towards adversarial relationships.

Emotional Forces in Conflict

1. Tribes Effect

• A divisive mindset that creates an adversarial relationship (us vs them).
• Example: Shapiro's exercise at Davos where participants created tribes, leading to explosive conflicts.

2. Vertigo

• A psychological state where individuals become consumed by the conflict.
• Example: A personal story of an argument over a bedspread leading to a distorted sense of time and reality.

3. Repetition Compulsion

• The tendency to repeat dysfunctional patterns in relationships, even after learning new strategies.
• Example: A friend stuck in an abusive relationship.

4. Assault on the Sacred

• When deeply meaningful aspects of identity are attacked, it leads to defensive reactions.
• Example: Shapiro accidentally calling Microsoft "Google" during a talk led to feelings of offense among attendees.

5. Identity Politics

• Shaping one's identity in opposition to others, often in a negative light.
• Importance of defining positive identities rather than negative ones.

Strategies for Resolution

• Listen and Ask Open-Ended Questions: Understand other's perspectives.
• Transform Adversaries into Partners: Shift focus from conflict to problem-solving together.
• Address Taboo Issues: Use the ACT framework (Accept, Chisel, Tear down) to discuss taboo matters within organizations.

Conclusion

• Importance of understanding emotional dynamics in negotiation and conflict resolution.
• Shapiro encourages continued conversation and feedback about his work and book.

Discussion and Q&A

• Engaged with audience on various questions related to the tribes effect, taboos, and negotiation strategies.