Elizabeth Vargas' Alcoholism Journey and Recovery

and hope. Hello, everyone. Between Breaths, a story of anxiety, addiction, and hope. Hello, everyone. I'm Elizabeth Vargas, here behind the scenes of 2020, because tonight, I want to take you behind the scenes. of my life. I have said before that I am an alcoholic but I've never told you the details of what it did to my life. So I'm telling my story tonight for one reason hoping to reach some of the 30 million people battling alcoholism in America right now. Even though I had support, resources, understanding bosses, I couldn't stop. And then I found a way out. So this is my chance to say to all of you, keep going because you're worth the fight and so are the people you love. I asked a friend down the hall here at ABC, Diane Sawyer, to be the voice guiding us through my story and to ask me the questions. you might have two. When you're walking up the street and it's a beautiful evening And all the people are out at the sidewalk cafes and wine bars enjoying these lovely, beautiful glasses of wine. I don't look at them and think, I want one. But I look at them and I think, I miss that. I miss that time when, you know, it felt so innocent and romantic. But. That's just me romanticizing something that turned out to be really monstrous for me. Oh, did you get her the lemon water? I did. Okay. As Elizabeth said, She asked me to come to her home to hear the story she is telling for other people living in the shadows. The story of her life she has not told before. Hi! Come in. And we're gonna sit over here. It's like family. Yeah, exactly. On the walls in her home, pictures of the two sons at the center of her life. Sam now 10, Zachary now 13. And also a photo of a journalist at the top of her field. For decades a network correspondent and anchor. She was known for her strong reporting around the world. I'm Elizabeth Vargas in Baghdad here in Perugia, Italy. Return here to Jerusalem so you don't agree with that. Tough interviews. and seeking out people whose stories have been forgotten. There she was, relaxed on Good Morning America. And so steady in live breaking news events, she took over the anchor chair from Peter Jennings on 9-11. Thanks, Elizabeth, very much. This is, as Peter just said, ABC News. So here we are, two TV news colleagues who work down the hall from each other, getting ready to go on camera. Only one of us was about to open the door on a secret life, the one that was pulling her into the... darkest depths of the ocean. She says it's an act of grace that she is alive tonight. Stand by for you. We're all quiet? Yes. You wrote, I finally found a place of grace. Yeah. Every moment of happiness is like, thank God, this is so amazing. And I took it all for granted then. Back when she was drinking so much, she could not find an exit. There are days when you wake up and you feel so horrible that the only thing that will make you feel better is more alcohol. And that's when you're in the death spin. You know, that's when you're, that's when people die. How close did you come to dying? I, on one occasion, had what I know to be a lethal level of alcohol in my blood system. And even that didn't scare me into stopping. Can you believe it? Even that. And she says she was just one of the millions of Americans locked in a battle with alcohol tonight. Even though from the outside she seemed to be living a golden life. But I mean people can look at you. and say you're so lucky, really. I am lucky. I am lucky. Look what you have. Look what you do for a living. Look how you look. Look at your life. It's not like other people's problems. First of all, yes. I am so lucky to have my two amazing children and to have this amazing job and to have... Resources for people to help and... Resources to be able to go to treatment. You're right, I am lucky. All I can tell you is when you're in the cycle of this disease, though, it doesn't matter how much you have or how little you have. It didn't matter. It leveled me. It knocked me flat on my butt. I, you know, I lost... sight of everything everything and those children she loves more than anything on earth please don't take my sunshine away watched it in fear they would lose her are they the hardest of the hard part hands down Yeah, yeah, that's, uh... I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for hurting them with my drinking, ever. And I have to find a way to, uh, to not, you know, to some... I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for that. And so she says that is why she's talking tonight. And she's written a book for all the millions of people like her and their families locked into this same wrenching journey. She writes, we are your wives, your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your children, your colleagues, your employees. All of them once just children with no idea what was ahead. Like the shy, curly-haired little girl. She says she was an army brat whose family had to move through 14 homes. nine army bases, eight schools. She says when she was still very small, she started suffering from daily profound anxiety, even panic attacks. But with army discipline, she willed herself to hide her fear and panic from everyone else through college. Police say both men... And then starting as a local reporter out west. And because I'm basically so insecure and anxious and afraid, I never ever in my life... Learn to reach out for help. Ever. And it was in local news that for the first time, she says she found a kind of magic potion that helped with her anxiety. After work, the news team headed out to the bar, and a couple of glasses of wine became her new best friend. It was like, ah, I finally feel relaxed. I think I wrote this in the book. Everybody looked prettier and smarter and was more interesting. And me too. You know, all my insecurities would sort of fade back. And tonight, this staggering statistic. Nearly 63% of women in trouble with alcohol say they are fighting anxiety. More on that dramatic connection later tonight. As her story begins, Elizabeth Vargas says she was just a social drinker who had no idea that alcoholism would slowly take over her body and her life. Later in the broadcast, she'll show you the indelible evidence of her dangerous destination. It was captured on camera. There's a real temptation when you've had to whitewash what you did. It wasn't as bad as everybody says, or it wasn't as bad as I remember. And for better or for worse, I have recordings of myself on TV and audio recordings that remind me how bad it was. Coming up next, a network anger begins a secret life that will nearly destroy everything. Until she finally makes her way back to joy and hope. Man, I'm glad Aflac pays cash. Series premiere Wednesday, September 21st on ABC. Good evening. We begin tonight with two rescue efforts. Watch Elizabeth Vargas anchor live TV news and you'd have no idea that the woman who worked so hard to be perfect is suppressing so much anxiety, bordering on panic. I mean, I remember anchoring the evening news and every single night when Michelle, and I love Michelle, the floor manager, when she would count down, I hated it. Two minutes. Two minutes. And, you know, my heart would start pounding. One minute. Now I'm like hyperventilating. 30 seconds. 30 seconds. And literally the studio, the edges of my vision would start to swim a little. And if you watch carefully at the beginning of every newscast, you will see me lean in and I grip the desk with my right hand. Good evening from Los Angeles. And on my left hand, which I'm holding my pen, I'm taking my engagement ring and I'm digging the edge into my thumb. Why did you go in this business if it was going to... torment you like that? I loved it. I still love it. I love telling people stories. And 14 years ago, she found someone who helped. Her new husband, singer-songwriter Mark Cohn. They married in 2002. You know his song, Walking in Memphis. And her favorite song, Medicine Man. I love that song. For the first time, she confided to someone her deep insecurities. He calmed her anxieties by singing her to sleep. But even before they married, he noticed she was also drinking at night. He thought I drank too much. And I remember him... He was angry when he said it and grabbing my arm and saying, you have a problem with alcohol. And that just made me really mad. But it also got her attention and she says she did control her drinking as she took care of son Zach, then son Sam, and continued to work hard at her job, once even through a miscarriage. And after the death of our legendary Peter Jennings in 2005, She and ABC's Bob Woodruff were named co-anchors of World News Tonight. About 27 days after the broadcast began, Bob was almost killed by an IED explosion in Iraq. It was devastating, devastating to everybody who worked there. And I felt like I was in a hurricane of... Life. She says she tried to continue alone, carrying the mantle of the broadcast as solo anchor. But after a few months, This is my last broadcast as co-anchor of World War II. she was replaced by senior anchor Charlie Gibson. I was demoted. No sugarcoating it. That's what happened. She's written she understood why he was given the job, but because she had tried so hard, she felt like a failure. And add to that, over the years, the exhaustion of all the travel, trying to be a good mom. and the big financial responsibility. So she started to turn back to her old friend, white wine, as consolation. And this time, a red flag of problem drinking. She began keeping the amount a secret. I would stop on my way home from work. you know, and have a glass of wine or two at a bar, and then... Alone. Alone, feeling really pathetic. You know, I would actually pretend to talk to somebody on my cell phone. Oh, it's okay. Oh, no, I'm just here waiting for you. No problem. Take your time. I'll be right here. You know, like, this whole facade. And... Pop a couple Altoids and hope you didn't come in breathing white wine fumes when you greeted the kids. But as time goes by, her husband seems to be pulling away. Her glasses of wine at night are becoming entire bottles and he knows. And it made all the real problems we needed to discuss and work through. Frivolous in comparison. You know, what do you want to talk about? Why don't you ask me about how my day is? Or why don't you support me more? Why are you drinking two bottles of Chardonnay every night? You know. I've just gone and changed the narrative in a pretty dramatic and destructive way. At the end of her glamorous day at work, she would head into the bathroom sink where she's hiding bottles of wine. Looking at myself in the mirror thinking this is who I am. Sneaking into my own bathroom to gulp down, you know, from my toothpaste cup, you know. A half cup of wine so I can get through another hour feeling good. Soon another red flag. Uncontrolled binges on vacation. Her sister Amy had... No idea that Elizabeth had a problem with drinking until they took a holiday trip together with their kids the summer of 2011. It was in the middle of the afternoon and she was drunk. And she told me that she drinks too much because she was so unhappy. Amy tries to intervene, but Elizabeth insists she can handle this on her own. She's not an alcoholic, she's just having a rough time. And after all, she is still flawless at work. Then, a year later, 2012, another family vacation, this time with Mark and the boys in Florida. That was our big vacation, and my idea of a vacation was to empty the minibar by drinking everything in it. At one point, her younger son Sam comes into the hotel room. I was... Drinking and sleeping and I do vividly remember like one afternoon Sam standing by that my head in the bed saying mommy when are you going to get up and I remember I could smell the sunscreen and I could feel the heat from his little body because he just come in from the beach and you know. I would die for my children, Diane. I wouldn't give a nanosecond's worth of thought to die for my children. To kill for my children. But I would die for my children. But I couldn't stop drinking for my children. Ahead, her first attempt to reach out for help. And the day she almost dies and a stranger saves her life. Virginia Tech, Tennessee, tomorrow. You passed out. If you were watching TV several years ago, you may have seen a journalist and a secret drinker doing a series of reports on alcoholism. I was struck by how many of these women said they kept their drinking a secret. Yeah, we're some sneaky bitches. I still remember my interview. Oh, we alcoholics, we're sneaky bitches. And I was like, oh my God. But she's right. That was an interview with Mary Carr, the brilliant professor and author, and Elizabeth says afterwards she impulsively asked Carr to lunch. I was so nervous to even tell another alcoholic this. And I said, I think I might be an alcoholic. And she said, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Carr offers help, Elizabeth resists, though she says she never forgot the powerful kindness of Carr's words. Because so few people tell an alcohol, we all look at the alcoholic with revulsion and like, you know, get it together for God's sake. Ugh, you know, what is wrong with you? And that just makes you feel so horrible about yourself. It was only after that Florida vacation in 2012 that Elizabeth Vargas decided her drinking was enough of a problem. She would tell her bosses that she had a medical issue. But secretly, she was making a visit to her first rehab facility, where the minimum stay is usually 30 days. I was so deluded and in denial that I... convinced them to let me come for just two weeks. Crazy. Yeah, crazy. Denial is a big part of my story. Crazy. A few weeks after leaving, she starts drinking again. As she returns to work, this is the moment Elizabeth is about to cross another bridge towards disease. In the past, she had always been able to keep a firewall between her private drinking and her professional life. The firewall? will now begin to crumble. I looked at myself on that shoot and I looked horrible. She's always had hangovers, but they used to go away. But now, the chemistry of her body so changed by alcohol, it's created a cycle of demand. It's a bad, bad place to be. Your heart doesn't feel like it's beating, it feels like it's fluttering. And it's not even like your hands are shaky, your entire body is shaky. You're shaky inside. And the only thing that would stop it would be to drink some more. And as you watch What Happens Next, we have something important to point out. There are no scenes of Elizabeth Vargas ever drinking on live TV at ABC News. Her drinking creeps into her work when she is recording on video. I drank that day because I was shaky. It was horrible. It was an interview with a famous singer. Remember, for 30 years, Elizabeth Vargas had always been so crisp and in control on camera. Suddenly, she's not. Your parents are very, very religious. Yes. And you are very... Open. Open. Do you see how much I'm struggling to speak? The editors had to take out a lot of her questions so that the piece could even go on the air. After this interview, for the first time, word spread inside ABC that something had been wrong with Elizabeth on a shoot. But she says she'd taken the red eye and wasn't feeling well, and in a few days she's back on the air, functioning in top form. She's an extraordinary young woman. And since she deliberately kept her drinking a secret from her colleagues, the producers didn't guess what it really was. A month goes by, everything is fine. Then, another interview, scheduled on video. It's for a story that never aired. I woke up that morning and I was feeling horrible. That shaky, horrible, fluttery heart. And horrible. And I was on my way to the shoot, and I remember we were going down Columbus Avenue, and I saw a liquor store. She has the car stop. She buys wine. She drinks some of the bottle before she starts taping. She looks shaky, but conducts the interview. Then, after the cameras stop rolling, she says she slipped into a nearby room and secretly drank again. And what happens next? will be the moment that forces her to confess addiction to her bosses at ABC. She gets in a car to be driven home, fastens her seatbelt, and that, she says, is the last thing she remembers. An award-winning network anchor is in a total blackout. What's the next thing? Waking up in the emergency room. I don't know where I went. I don't know what I did. I don't know what I drank. I drank enough to be... have a lethal blood alcohol level. What was it? Point four. Point four is the blood alcohol level that doctors say killed singer Amy Winehouse. At least 2,300 Americans die each year from exactly this kind of alcohol poisoning. The central nervous system can shut down. Your heart can stop. So what was it that saved her? We know. that she was seen wandering near a park, this park, Riverside in New York. Late afternoon, still daylight. You don't know how you got to Riverside Park? Nope. And she says, according to her husband, the stranger, a woman, was driving by and saw the unsteady person in high heels and work clothes. A woman saw me, said, would you like a ride home, I guess, I don't know. I told her my address. I was able to tell her my address. So a complete stranger sees you. She said she saw some men nearby that she didn't like the look of, who might have been at that point probably seeing me as a vulnerable person. And she brought me back here. At that point, I was apparently unconscious. Unconscious in the lobby of her apartment building. Maybe somebody seeing this will help you finish the portrait of that. Yeah. Part of me is almost afraid somebody will. It's like it can be very difficult to confront. Her husband, Mark, races down and calls 911. The woman who had brought her there leaves a card with her phone number. Later, Elizabeth calls, but the call is not returned. So all she knows is that out there somewhere tonight is an anonymous stranger. who had the kindness to stop and save a life. And she stopped. And she stopped. God bless her. And coming up, the day her secret life comes crashing down. And the answer to questions so many families are asking. How did I drink normally for decades and then all of a sudden it fell off the cliff? In a world that needs a hero. Occasion. in 2012 after that terrifying lost afternoon that blackout Elizabeth Vargas finally calls her boss at ABC to tell him she needs to seek treatment for addiction I was too embarrassed to tell him that I was just alcohol because I thought it was so unfeminine unfeminine like to be a drunk is just like you know even now I have a hard time saying that word so I told them Alcohol and Ambien. With the support of ABC, she goes back to that rehab facility for a full month. And while there, she met this man, Earl Hightower, one of the nation's leading experts on alcoholism intervention and recovery. He says, As instantly he saw, she'd made a career of hiding her fears and resisting help, and she wasn't ready to face the truth. I just thought, this is the kind of woman that really, nobody is going to get this woman sober. There's no way we're going to sit down and go, look, here's the deal, and she's going to go, oh, okay. Really? He tried to wake her up, warning she's an alcoholic and cannot drink safely. God, you had me nailed. But back then, she was sure it was impossible she was an alcoholic since she had no immediate family history. She didn't know, as we said, heavy drinking alone can lead you into a cycle of the full disease. This is Dr. Deirdre Roche of the National Institutes of Health. She's program director at the institute that studies alcoholism. Elizabeth asks her how the heavy use of alcohol actually alters the chemistry in your cells and the structure of your brain. Heavy drinking over time hijacks certain... processes in the brain, the physiology of the brain, so that it begins to crave alcohol just to feel normal. Just to feel normal. No longer drinking for the enjoyment of it. Just to feel okay. If you check our website, you'll find a link to the 11 questions that help you gauge if you have a problem with alcohol. Only half the risk comes from any family history. I wrestle with... Was I born an alcoholic? Did I become an alcoholic? When did I become an alcoholic? What's an alcoholic versus a problem drinker? I can answer all those. It doesn't matter if you were born an alcoholic or if you became one. You are one. And something else tonight, that growing body of evidence about the link between alcoholism and anxiety, especially among women, is causing some experts to broaden their approach to treatment and recovery. How many here also have anxiety? All of us. Oh my God. This is the Karen Treatment Center in Pennsylvania, and for two hours a group of strangers find so much in common in their lives. Stigma around addiction. Isolation was a huge thing for me. Hiding, lying, sneaking. The cycle. On average, an addict will relapse three to four times before they get sober. And alcoholics who have anxiety are at twice the risk of relapse. What's in there is coming out, and if you don't work on it and get on it and get straight with it, it's going to come out sideways, it's going to come out in a relapse. Which is what happened back in 2012 after Elizabeth's first full month of rehab. It only took me like six months, seven months later before I was back to looking at myself in that bathroom mirror wondering, how did I get here? You just want to shake her and say, why are you doing this to yourself? Elizabeth heads off to rehab again. Then afterwards, a few days home before she has to return. And this time, it's her brother Chris who flies in from his home in California to take her. I walked into her apartment, and she was completely out of it. It had been 7.30 in the morning. A couple empty wine bottles beside her bed. And I remember wanting to tell her, you can walk into a room, and you can light up that room. But don't show up drunk. By now, it is early 2014, and after the latest rehab, she's about to be hit with a double blow. First, the secret she has kept so long explodes around her. Press reports force her to do an interview. She sits down with our colleague George Stephanopoulos, but says she's terrified, not ready. You're an alcoholic. I am. I am an alcoholic. Then, just a few days after that interview, her husband Mark says their marriage is over. There's a lyric in that song, Medicine Man, which he wrote long before they met. But it says, he can't save her from herself. Who's going to help the medicine man? He can't save her from herself no more. I think that must have been how he felt. Because he couldn't save me. I could only save me. Her favorite song, now the soundtrack of so much regret. And it's about him being unable to help her. And coming up, the tape of herself she could not bear to listen to until the day of this interview. And for everyone who hits rock bottom, the promise you can turn towards hope. Since when did experience become something to hide? I say Google Fiber doesn't. See the full story at XfinityFacts.com. The Ashley Home Store Labor Day sale is now extended. Save up to 50% or six years no interest on purchases of $14.99 or more. Get this bed $4.49 or this dining set in luck. Just what you need to help keep you going. New Oikos Yogurt Drink. Be unstoppably you. Never. No. I don't own a car here. But let me just say something. No, no. Because I didn't physically endanger my children, doesn't mean I didn't devastate them or put them in danger emotionally or psychologically. Like that last time in 2014. She's back to work. Her husband Mark is now filing for divorce. So she decides to take a vacation. Renting a house on the beach in California. And taking someone with her to help with the children full time. It all seems so glamorous and privileged. Unless you know the unraveling inside. It's her youngest son's birthday. You were going to make a coconut. Cake. Sam's favorite. I had all that whole vacation planned and it was his birthday and I bought him an iPad mini and wrapped it all up and shiny gold paper and I don't think I gave anywhere near the thought I needed to give to how hard that would be for me alone. I drank. I drank again. And I ruined it. Starting with wine, she says, and then the only thing left in the house, a bottle of tequila. Then she gets word that the office needs to record her voice for a report to air the next day. So early the next morning, an ABC crew arrives at her rented vacation house to tape her. It's 8 a.m. I'm drunk. I remember that day sitting there and I could read the words and I couldn't make my mouth work to say the words. The tape was unusable. Again, it was made more than two years ago. I listened to it for the first time today. And? It's really hard. The woman we all thought of as never stumbling, even on live TV. We're interrupting regular programming to bring you some breaking news. Can be heard on audio tape slurring. What? While Howard struggled with the... While Howard struggled with the... While Howard struggled with the... I can't say it. She's unable to master simple words. Tourette syndrome. Tourette syndrome. I hear the struggle. I hear the alcohol. I literally felt sick to my stomach. But I'm glad I listened to it. Why? Because I never want to be there again. She was drinking so much her children, her boys, were terrified with worry that she might die and pleaded with her to stop. 3,000 miles away, her bosses at ABC are alerted urgently that Elizabeth is drinking again. She's coherent enough to call her sister and say, I'm in trouble. And it was the first time that she called and said, I need help. And I'll never forget that. It's still really hard to talk about because I think I instantly knew, like, this is bad. Her sister, her brother, a friend all book the next flight to be with her. Elizabeth also manages to call a producer at ABC who knows a recovering alcoholic who lives near her rented house. an actor and director who races over. He comforts her children as she goes into detox. He hands her a rosary and arranges a kind of sobriety coach to ride with her back to New York to face what she's done. Honestly, I thought it was all over. I thought she was going to lose the boys, and I thought she was going to lose her job. We all did. And even through the fog of alcohol, Elizabeth says, she finally grasped all the ways she had shattered her life. The anguish of her children pleading with her to stop drinking. The marriage she lost. The chance to do the work she loved in peril. She says in this moment, she was buckled to her knees by the unbearable. shame. Ashamed. It's humiliated, a lot of pain, you know. Wreckage. A lot of wreckage in its wake. This woman who says she's spent a career trying to hide any weakness, finally decides to give up and reach for help. And you get help. Yeah, and you get help. Then you can fight. ABC News agrees to give her one last chance. Thank God they gave me one more chance. Thank God. She makes a calendar of all the days she was in fact drunk and what that did to those around her. She says she was shocked out of denial. And she began apologizing to her colleagues who had to redo their work because of her drunk. She apologizes to the family who gave up so much of their lives to try to help her, and to the husband who agreed they would have joint custody of the children. And most of all, with the children, she apologizes and says, in wrenching detail. You can't just say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. And then, you know, leave it at that. I'm sorry I drank. I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I fell asleep and missed your recital. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. And she says it's her promise to them to spend every day of her new life trying to be the mother she always wanted to be. What is it you most want your children to say? What's the thing you'd most love to hear from them? That my mom fought for us and fought for herself. That she stared into the abyss and pulled herself back out. That's what I would like them to say. Tonight, Mark Cohn has issued a statement and will post it online. But he says, as always, he supports Elizabeth in her recovery. And the two of them are working together to be loving parents to their two incredible boys. And coming up next, what Elizabeth has learned about staying sober. And what I learned I shouldn't ask. A missing man found dead. The investigation into... Free today. Hey guys! Tonight, as you know, Elizabeth Vargas is back in command. How many people live here? Back with the people and stories she loves. Hi Tim, I'm Elizabeth. The breaking news reports. And now, the personal story she hopes will help someone else. It has been more than two years since she pulled herself back from that abyss. You say, people are going to say, this book is too soon. Oh, I'm sure. You haven't been sober long enough for this book. Could they be right? You know, absolutely, sure. But when's the right time? There's no guarantee that I can stay sober for two years, five years, ten years, fifteen years. The truth of the matter is every single alcoholic only has today. None of us knows what will happen tomorrow. We all do everything we can today that tomorrow we won't pick up a drink. But we really only have today. Now she attends meetings, support groups, and has learned if she's ever out someplace she feels tempted to drink, she has to leave. And she also makes time for meditation to tame all that old anxiety. Do you still have triggers? Hunger, anger, loneliness. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. For me, anger. Anger. And is there something specific you know to do? Pick up the phone and call somebody. And, by the way, I've also learned something new in doing this story. Unless an alcoholic in recovery volunteers the exact number of sober days, don't ask. Their accountability is not to us. It's to themselves and those they love. But you don't count the days of sobriety, or do you? I do, but that's something I keep to myself. Why? If I were to talk about it openly, like on national television, it feels like I jinx myself in a way. And today, that woman who used to be so afraid of showing any imperfection says she likes to begin each day with an anthem to humility and acceptance. It's a song by Leonard Cohen, a prayer for the broken places and the light that can shine through. From this broken hill, I will sing to you. There's a favorite saying I heard that was, you know, when you pray to God there are three answers. And one is yes. Not now, and I have something better for you. So the sun is going to be setting on us here. Yeah. Yeah. Another good day. And you know what? At the end of the day, when I'm in bed, it's another thank you God for this day. And I am so thankful for all these new days and all of your encouragement. And for everyone watching, we did want to say if you think you have a problem with alcohol or if you know somebody who does, you can go to our website at abcnews.com and get all the resources for help. And I want to remind everyone that your book is in the stores next Tuesday and it is called Between Breaths. And along the way, you told me that in this journey, it meant so much to you to get voicemail messages from your friends. We want you to know we have a few new ones for you tonight. That is so nice, and they did mean so much to me. So send messages of support to the people in your life as well. Please do. We'll be there reading them, and we say goodnight. I'm so proud of you. That took a lot of courage. You should be proud. You rise. We are rooting for you every single day. I've always been behind you and in front of you 100%. Love you. I love you. Thank you so much for what you're doing. And we know how much those boys love their mom. We love you too. Eddie Murphy and Stranger Things'Caden Matarazzo. New Kimmel tonight on ABC.

and hope. Hello, everyone. Between Breaths, a story of anxiety, addiction, and hope.

Hello, everyone. I'm Elizabeth Vargas, here behind the scenes of 2020, because tonight, I want to take you behind the scenes. of my life. I have said before that I am an alcoholic but I've never told you the details of what it did to my life. So I'm telling my story tonight for one reason hoping to reach some of the 30 million people battling alcoholism in America right now.

Even though I had support, resources, understanding bosses, I couldn't stop. And then I found a way out. So this is my chance to say to all of you, keep going because you're worth the fight and so are the people you love.

I asked a friend down the hall here at ABC, Diane Sawyer, to be the voice guiding us through my story and to ask me the questions. you might have two. When you're walking up the street and it's a beautiful evening And all the people are out at the sidewalk cafes and wine bars enjoying these lovely, beautiful glasses of wine. I don't look at them and think, I want one. But I look at them and I think, I miss that.

I miss that time when, you know, it felt so innocent and romantic. But. That's just me romanticizing something that turned out to be really monstrous for me. Oh, did you get her the lemon water?

I did. Okay. As Elizabeth said, She asked me to come to her home to hear the story she is telling for other people living in the shadows. The story of her life she has not told before. Hi!

Come in. And we're gonna sit over here. It's like family.

Yeah, exactly. On the walls in her home, pictures of the two sons at the center of her life. Sam now 10, Zachary now 13. And also a photo of a journalist at the top of her field. For decades a network correspondent and anchor. She was known for her strong reporting around the world.

I'm Elizabeth Vargas in Baghdad here in Perugia, Italy. Return here to Jerusalem so you don't agree with that. Tough interviews. and seeking out people whose stories have been forgotten.

There she was, relaxed on Good Morning America. And so steady in live breaking news events, she took over the anchor chair from Peter Jennings on 9-11. Thanks, Elizabeth, very much.

This is, as Peter just said, ABC News. So here we are, two TV news colleagues who work down the hall from each other, getting ready to go on camera. Only one of us was about to open the door on a secret life, the one that was pulling her into the... darkest depths of the ocean.

She says it's an act of grace that she is alive tonight. Stand by for you. We're all quiet? Yes. You wrote, I finally found a place of grace.

Yeah. Every moment of happiness is like, thank God, this is so amazing. And I took it all for granted then. Back when she was drinking so much, she could not find an exit.

There are days when you wake up and you feel so horrible that the only thing that will make you feel better is more alcohol. And that's when you're in the death spin. You know, that's when you're, that's when people die. How close did you come to dying?

I, on one occasion, had what I know to be a lethal level of alcohol in my blood system. And even that didn't scare me into stopping. Can you believe it? Even that.

And she says she was just one of the millions of Americans locked in a battle with alcohol tonight. Even though from the outside she seemed to be living a golden life. But I mean people can look at you. and say you're so lucky, really. I am lucky.

I am lucky. Look what you have. Look what you do for a living.

Look how you look. Look at your life. It's not like other people's problems. First of all, yes.

I am so lucky to have my two amazing children and to have this amazing job and to have... Resources for people to help and... Resources to be able to go to treatment.

You're right, I am lucky. All I can tell you is when you're in the cycle of this disease, though, it doesn't matter how much you have or how little you have. It didn't matter. It leveled me. It knocked me flat on my butt.

I, you know, I lost... sight of everything everything and those children she loves more than anything on earth please don't take my sunshine away watched it in fear they would lose her are they the hardest of the hard part hands down Yeah, yeah, that's, uh... I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for hurting them with my drinking, ever. And I have to find a way to, uh, to not, you know, to some...

I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for that. And so she says that is why she's talking tonight. And she's written a book for all the millions of people like her and their families locked into this same wrenching journey.

She writes, we are your wives, your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your children, your colleagues, your employees. All of them once just children with no idea what was ahead. Like the shy, curly-haired little girl.

She says she was an army brat whose family had to move through 14 homes. nine army bases, eight schools. She says when she was still very small, she started suffering from daily profound anxiety, even panic attacks. But with army discipline, she willed herself to hide her fear and panic from everyone else through college. Police say both men...

And then starting as a local reporter out west. And because I'm basically so insecure and anxious and afraid, I never ever in my life... Learn to reach out for help. Ever. And it was in local news that for the first time, she says she found a kind of magic potion that helped with her anxiety.

After work, the news team headed out to the bar, and a couple of glasses of wine became her new best friend. It was like, ah, I finally feel relaxed. I think I wrote this in the book.

Everybody looked prettier and smarter and was more interesting. And me too. You know, all my insecurities would sort of fade back. And tonight, this staggering statistic. Nearly 63% of women in trouble with alcohol say they are fighting anxiety.

More on that dramatic connection later tonight. As her story begins, Elizabeth Vargas says she was just a social drinker who had no idea that alcoholism would slowly take over her body and her life. Later in the broadcast, she'll show you the indelible evidence of her dangerous destination. It was captured on camera. There's a real temptation when you've had to whitewash what you did.

It wasn't as bad as everybody says, or it wasn't as bad as I remember. And for better or for worse, I have recordings of myself on TV and audio recordings that remind me how bad it was. Coming up next, a network anger begins a secret life that will nearly destroy everything.

Until she finally makes her way back to joy and hope. Man, I'm glad Aflac pays cash. Series premiere Wednesday, September 21st on ABC.

Good evening. We begin tonight with two rescue efforts. Watch Elizabeth Vargas anchor live TV news and you'd have no idea that the woman who worked so hard to be perfect is suppressing so much anxiety, bordering on panic. I mean, I remember anchoring the evening news and every single night when Michelle, and I love Michelle, the floor manager, when she would count down, I hated it. Two minutes.

Two minutes. And, you know, my heart would start pounding. One minute. Now I'm like hyperventilating.

30 seconds. 30 seconds. And literally the studio, the edges of my vision would start to swim a little. And if you watch carefully at the beginning of every newscast, you will see me lean in and I grip the desk with my right hand. Good evening from Los Angeles.

And on my left hand, which I'm holding my pen, I'm taking my engagement ring and I'm digging the edge into my thumb. Why did you go in this business if it was going to... torment you like that? I loved it. I still love it.

I love telling people stories. And 14 years ago, she found someone who helped. Her new husband, singer-songwriter Mark Cohn.

They married in 2002. You know his song, Walking in Memphis. And her favorite song, Medicine Man. I love that song.

For the first time, she confided to someone her deep insecurities. He calmed her anxieties by singing her to sleep. But even before they married, he noticed she was also drinking at night. He thought I drank too much. And I remember him...

He was angry when he said it and grabbing my arm and saying, you have a problem with alcohol. And that just made me really mad. But it also got her attention and she says she did control her drinking as she took care of son Zach, then son Sam, and continued to work hard at her job, once even through a miscarriage.

And after the death of our legendary Peter Jennings in 2005, She and ABC's Bob Woodruff were named co-anchors of World News Tonight. About 27 days after the broadcast began, Bob was almost killed by an IED explosion in Iraq. It was devastating, devastating to everybody who worked there. And I felt like I was in a hurricane of... Life.

She says she tried to continue alone, carrying the mantle of the broadcast as solo anchor. But after a few months, This is my last broadcast as co-anchor of World War II. she was replaced by senior anchor Charlie Gibson.

I was demoted. No sugarcoating it. That's what happened. She's written she understood why he was given the job, but because she had tried so hard, she felt like a failure. And add to that, over the years, the exhaustion of all the travel, trying to be a good mom.

and the big financial responsibility. So she started to turn back to her old friend, white wine, as consolation. And this time, a red flag of problem drinking.

She began keeping the amount a secret. I would stop on my way home from work. you know, and have a glass of wine or two at a bar, and then...

Alone. Alone, feeling really pathetic. You know, I would actually pretend to talk to somebody on my cell phone. Oh, it's okay. Oh, no, I'm just here waiting for you.

No problem. Take your time. I'll be right here.

You know, like, this whole facade. And... Pop a couple Altoids and hope you didn't come in breathing white wine fumes when you greeted the kids.

But as time goes by, her husband seems to be pulling away. Her glasses of wine at night are becoming entire bottles and he knows. And it made all the real problems we needed to discuss and work through.

Frivolous in comparison. You know, what do you want to talk about? Why don't you ask me about how my day is?

Or why don't you support me more? Why are you drinking two bottles of Chardonnay every night? You know.

I've just gone and changed the narrative in a pretty dramatic and destructive way. At the end of her glamorous day at work, she would head into the bathroom sink where she's hiding bottles of wine. Looking at myself in the mirror thinking this is who I am. Sneaking into my own bathroom to gulp down, you know, from my toothpaste cup, you know. A half cup of wine so I can get through another hour feeling good.

Soon another red flag. Uncontrolled binges on vacation. Her sister Amy had... No idea that Elizabeth had a problem with drinking until they took a holiday trip together with their kids the summer of 2011. It was in the middle of the afternoon and she was drunk.

And she told me that she drinks too much because she was so unhappy. Amy tries to intervene, but Elizabeth insists she can handle this on her own. She's not an alcoholic, she's just having a rough time.

And after all, she is still flawless at work. Then, a year later, 2012, another family vacation, this time with Mark and the boys in Florida. That was our big vacation, and my idea of a vacation was to empty the minibar by drinking everything in it.

At one point, her younger son Sam comes into the hotel room. I was... Drinking and sleeping and I do vividly remember like one afternoon Sam standing by that my head in the bed saying mommy when are you going to get up and I remember I could smell the sunscreen and I could feel the heat from his little body because he just come in from the beach and you know. I would die for my children, Diane.

I wouldn't give a nanosecond's worth of thought to die for my children. To kill for my children. But I would die for my children. But I couldn't stop drinking for my children. Ahead, her first attempt to reach out for help.

And the day she almost dies and a stranger saves her life. Virginia Tech, Tennessee, tomorrow. You passed out.

If you were watching TV several years ago, you may have seen a journalist and a secret drinker doing a series of reports on alcoholism. I was struck by how many of these women said they kept their drinking a secret. Yeah, we're some sneaky bitches. I still remember my interview.

Oh, we alcoholics, we're sneaky bitches. And I was like, oh my God. But she's right. That was an interview with Mary Carr, the brilliant professor and author, and Elizabeth says afterwards she impulsively asked Carr to lunch. I was so nervous to even tell another alcoholic this.

And I said, I think I might be an alcoholic. And she said, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Carr offers help, Elizabeth resists, though she says she never forgot the powerful kindness of Carr's words. Because so few people tell an alcohol, we all look at the alcoholic with revulsion and like, you know, get it together for God's sake.

Ugh, you know, what is wrong with you? And that just makes you feel so horrible about yourself. It was only after that Florida vacation in 2012 that Elizabeth Vargas decided her drinking was enough of a problem. She would tell her bosses that she had a medical issue.

But secretly, she was making a visit to her first rehab facility, where the minimum stay is usually 30 days. I was so deluded and in denial that I... convinced them to let me come for just two weeks.

Crazy. Yeah, crazy. Denial is a big part of my story. Crazy.

A few weeks after leaving, she starts drinking again. As she returns to work, this is the moment Elizabeth is about to cross another bridge towards disease. In the past, she had always been able to keep a firewall between her private drinking and her professional life. The firewall? will now begin to crumble.

I looked at myself on that shoot and I looked horrible. She's always had hangovers, but they used to go away. But now, the chemistry of her body so changed by alcohol, it's created a cycle of demand.

It's a bad, bad place to be. Your heart doesn't feel like it's beating, it feels like it's fluttering. And it's not even like your hands are shaky, your entire body is shaky.

You're shaky inside. And the only thing that would stop it would be to drink some more. And as you watch What Happens Next, we have something important to point out. There are no scenes of Elizabeth Vargas ever drinking on live TV at ABC News.

Her drinking creeps into her work when she is recording on video. I drank that day because I was shaky. It was horrible. It was an interview with a famous singer.

Remember, for 30 years, Elizabeth Vargas had always been so crisp and in control on camera. Suddenly, she's not. Your parents are very, very religious. Yes.

And you are very... Open. Open. Do you see how much I'm struggling to speak?

The editors had to take out a lot of her questions so that the piece could even go on the air. After this interview, for the first time, word spread inside ABC that something had been wrong with Elizabeth on a shoot. But she says she'd taken the red eye and wasn't feeling well, and in a few days she's back on the air, functioning in top form.

She's an extraordinary young woman. And since she deliberately kept her drinking a secret from her colleagues, the producers didn't guess what it really was. A month goes by, everything is fine.

Then, another interview, scheduled on video. It's for a story that never aired. I woke up that morning and I was feeling horrible. That shaky, horrible, fluttery heart. And horrible.

And I was on my way to the shoot, and I remember we were going down Columbus Avenue, and I saw a liquor store. She has the car stop. She buys wine. She drinks some of the bottle before she starts taping.

She looks shaky, but conducts the interview. Then, after the cameras stop rolling, she says she slipped into a nearby room and secretly drank again. And what happens next? will be the moment that forces her to confess addiction to her bosses at ABC. She gets in a car to be driven home, fastens her seatbelt, and that, she says, is the last thing she remembers.

An award-winning network anchor is in a total blackout. What's the next thing? Waking up in the emergency room.

I don't know where I went. I don't know what I did. I don't know what I drank.

I drank enough to be... have a lethal blood alcohol level. What was it? Point four.

Point four is the blood alcohol level that doctors say killed singer Amy Winehouse. At least 2,300 Americans die each year from exactly this kind of alcohol poisoning. The central nervous system can shut down.

Your heart can stop. So what was it that saved her? We know.

that she was seen wandering near a park, this park, Riverside in New York. Late afternoon, still daylight. You don't know how you got to Riverside Park? Nope.

And she says, according to her husband, the stranger, a woman, was driving by and saw the unsteady person in high heels and work clothes. A woman saw me, said, would you like a ride home, I guess, I don't know. I told her my address.

I was able to tell her my address. So a complete stranger sees you. She said she saw some men nearby that she didn't like the look of, who might have been at that point probably seeing me as a vulnerable person. And she brought me back here.

At that point, I was apparently unconscious. Unconscious in the lobby of her apartment building. Maybe somebody seeing this will help you finish the portrait of that.

Yeah. Part of me is almost afraid somebody will. It's like it can be very difficult to confront. Her husband, Mark, races down and calls 911. The woman who had brought her there leaves a card with her phone number. Later, Elizabeth calls, but the call is not returned.

So all she knows is that out there somewhere tonight is an anonymous stranger. who had the kindness to stop and save a life. And she stopped.

And she stopped. God bless her. And coming up, the day her secret life comes crashing down.

And the answer to questions so many families are asking. How did I drink normally for decades and then all of a sudden it fell off the cliff? In a world that needs a hero.

Occasion. in 2012 after that terrifying lost afternoon that blackout Elizabeth Vargas finally calls her boss at ABC to tell him she needs to seek treatment for addiction I was too embarrassed to tell him that I was just alcohol because I thought it was so unfeminine unfeminine like to be a drunk is just like you know even now I have a hard time saying that word so I told them Alcohol and Ambien. With the support of ABC, she goes back to that rehab facility for a full month.

And while there, she met this man, Earl Hightower, one of the nation's leading experts on alcoholism intervention and recovery. He says, As instantly he saw, she'd made a career of hiding her fears and resisting help, and she wasn't ready to face the truth. I just thought, this is the kind of woman that really, nobody is going to get this woman sober.

There's no way we're going to sit down and go, look, here's the deal, and she's going to go, oh, okay. Really? He tried to wake her up, warning she's an alcoholic and cannot drink safely. God, you had me nailed.

But back then, she was sure it was impossible she was an alcoholic since she had no immediate family history. She didn't know, as we said, heavy drinking alone can lead you into a cycle of the full disease. This is Dr. Deirdre Roche of the National Institutes of Health. She's program director at the institute that studies alcoholism. Elizabeth asks her how the heavy use of alcohol actually alters the chemistry in your cells and the structure of your brain.

Heavy drinking over time hijacks certain... processes in the brain, the physiology of the brain, so that it begins to crave alcohol just to feel normal. Just to feel normal. No longer drinking for the enjoyment of it. Just to feel okay.

If you check our website, you'll find a link to the 11 questions that help you gauge if you have a problem with alcohol. Only half the risk comes from any family history. I wrestle with...

Was I born an alcoholic? Did I become an alcoholic? When did I become an alcoholic? What's an alcoholic versus a problem drinker?

I can answer all those. It doesn't matter if you were born an alcoholic or if you became one. You are one.

And something else tonight, that growing body of evidence about the link between alcoholism and anxiety, especially among women, is causing some experts to broaden their approach to treatment and recovery. How many here also have anxiety? All of us.

Oh my God. This is the Karen Treatment Center in Pennsylvania, and for two hours a group of strangers find so much in common in their lives. Stigma around addiction. Isolation was a huge thing for me. Hiding, lying, sneaking.

The cycle. On average, an addict will relapse three to four times before they get sober. And alcoholics who have anxiety are at twice the risk of relapse. What's in there is coming out, and if you don't work on it and get on it and get straight with it, it's going to come out sideways, it's going to come out in a relapse. Which is what happened back in 2012 after Elizabeth's first full month of rehab.

It only took me like six months, seven months later before I was back to looking at myself in that bathroom mirror wondering, how did I get here? You just want to shake her and say, why are you doing this to yourself? Elizabeth heads off to rehab again. Then afterwards, a few days home before she has to return. And this time, it's her brother Chris who flies in from his home in California to take her.

I walked into her apartment, and she was completely out of it. It had been 7.30 in the morning. A couple empty wine bottles beside her bed. And I remember wanting to tell her, you can walk into a room, and you can light up that room.

But don't show up drunk. By now, it is early 2014, and after the latest rehab, she's about to be hit with a double blow. First, the secret she has kept so long explodes around her. Press reports force her to do an interview. She sits down with our colleague George Stephanopoulos, but says she's terrified, not ready.

You're an alcoholic. I am. I am an alcoholic.

Then, just a few days after that interview, her husband Mark says their marriage is over. There's a lyric in that song, Medicine Man, which he wrote long before they met. But it says, he can't save her from herself.

Who's going to help the medicine man? He can't save her from herself no more. I think that must have been how he felt.

Because he couldn't save me. I could only save me. Her favorite song, now the soundtrack of so much regret. And it's about him being unable to help her.

And coming up, the tape of herself she could not bear to listen to until the day of this interview. And for everyone who hits rock bottom, the promise you can turn towards hope. Since when did experience become something to hide? I say Google Fiber doesn't.

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Be unstoppably you. Never. No.

I don't own a car here. But let me just say something. No, no.

Because I didn't physically endanger my children, doesn't mean I didn't devastate them or put them in danger emotionally or psychologically. Like that last time in 2014. She's back to work. Her husband Mark is now filing for divorce. So she decides to take a vacation.

Renting a house on the beach in California. And taking someone with her to help with the children full time. It all seems so glamorous and privileged.

Unless you know the unraveling inside. It's her youngest son's birthday. You were going to make a coconut.

Cake. Sam's favorite. I had all that whole vacation planned and it was his birthday and I bought him an iPad mini and wrapped it all up and shiny gold paper and I don't think I gave anywhere near the thought I needed to give to how hard that would be for me alone. I drank. I drank again.

And I ruined it. Starting with wine, she says, and then the only thing left in the house, a bottle of tequila. Then she gets word that the office needs to record her voice for a report to air the next day.

So early the next morning, an ABC crew arrives at her rented vacation house to tape her. It's 8 a.m. I'm drunk. I remember that day sitting there and I could read the words and I couldn't make my mouth work to say the words.

The tape was unusable. Again, it was made more than two years ago. I listened to it for the first time today. And?

It's really hard. The woman we all thought of as never stumbling, even on live TV. We're interrupting regular programming to bring you some breaking news. Can be heard on audio tape slurring. What?

While Howard struggled with the... While Howard struggled with the... While Howard struggled with the...

I can't say it. She's unable to master simple words. Tourette syndrome.

Tourette syndrome. I hear the struggle. I hear the alcohol. I literally felt sick to my stomach. But I'm glad I listened to it.

Why? Because I never want to be there again. She was drinking so much her children, her boys, were terrified with worry that she might die and pleaded with her to stop. 3,000 miles away, her bosses at ABC are alerted urgently that Elizabeth is drinking again. She's coherent enough to call her sister and say, I'm in trouble.

And it was the first time that she called and said, I need help. And I'll never forget that. It's still really hard to talk about because I think I instantly knew, like, this is bad.

Her sister, her brother, a friend all book the next flight to be with her. Elizabeth also manages to call a producer at ABC who knows a recovering alcoholic who lives near her rented house. an actor and director who races over.

He comforts her children as she goes into detox. He hands her a rosary and arranges a kind of sobriety coach to ride with her back to New York to face what she's done. Honestly, I thought it was all over. I thought she was going to lose the boys, and I thought she was going to lose her job.

We all did. And even through the fog of alcohol, Elizabeth says, she finally grasped all the ways she had shattered her life. The anguish of her children pleading with her to stop drinking.

The marriage she lost. The chance to do the work she loved in peril. She says in this moment, she was buckled to her knees by the unbearable. shame.

Ashamed. It's humiliated, a lot of pain, you know. Wreckage. A lot of wreckage in its wake. This woman who says she's spent a career trying to hide any weakness, finally decides to give up and reach for help.

And you get help. Yeah, and you get help. Then you can fight. ABC News agrees to give her one last chance.

Thank God they gave me one more chance. Thank God. She makes a calendar of all the days she was in fact drunk and what that did to those around her.

She says she was shocked out of denial. And she began apologizing to her colleagues who had to redo their work because of her drunk. She apologizes to the family who gave up so much of their lives to try to help her, and to the husband who agreed they would have joint custody of the children.

And most of all, with the children, she apologizes and says, in wrenching detail. You can't just say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you.

And then, you know, leave it at that. I'm sorry I drank. I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you.

I'm sorry I fell asleep and missed your recital. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

And she says it's her promise to them to spend every day of her new life trying to be the mother she always wanted to be. What is it you most want your children to say? What's the thing you'd most love to hear from them?

That my mom fought for us and fought for herself. That she stared into the abyss and pulled herself back out. That's what I would like them to say. Tonight, Mark Cohn has issued a statement and will post it online.

But he says, as always, he supports Elizabeth in her recovery. And the two of them are working together to be loving parents to their two incredible boys. And coming up next, what Elizabeth has learned about staying sober. And what I learned I shouldn't ask.

A missing man found dead. The investigation into... Free today. Hey guys! Tonight, as you know, Elizabeth Vargas is back in command.

How many people live here? Back with the people and stories she loves. Hi Tim, I'm Elizabeth.

The breaking news reports. And now, the personal story she hopes will help someone else. It has been more than two years since she pulled herself back from that abyss. You say, people are going to say, this book is too soon. Oh, I'm sure.

You haven't been sober long enough for this book. Could they be right? You know, absolutely, sure.

But when's the right time? There's no guarantee that I can stay sober for two years, five years, ten years, fifteen years. The truth of the matter is every single alcoholic only has today.

None of us knows what will happen tomorrow. We all do everything we can today that tomorrow we won't pick up a drink. But we really only have today.

Now she attends meetings, support groups, and has learned if she's ever out someplace she feels tempted to drink, she has to leave. And she also makes time for meditation to tame all that old anxiety. Do you still have triggers?

Hunger, anger, loneliness. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. For me, anger.

Anger. And is there something specific you know to do? Pick up the phone and call somebody.

And, by the way, I've also learned something new in doing this story. Unless an alcoholic in recovery volunteers the exact number of sober days, don't ask. Their accountability is not to us.

It's to themselves and those they love. But you don't count the days of sobriety, or do you? I do, but that's something I keep to myself. Why?

If I were to talk about it openly, like on national television, it feels like I jinx myself in a way. And today, that woman who used to be so afraid of showing any imperfection says she likes to begin each day with an anthem to humility and acceptance. It's a song by Leonard Cohen, a prayer for the broken places and the light that can shine through. From this broken hill, I will sing to you.

There's a favorite saying I heard that was, you know, when you pray to God there are three answers. And one is yes. Not now, and I have something better for you. So the sun is going to be setting on us here.

Yeah. Yeah. Another good day.

And you know what? At the end of the day, when I'm in bed, it's another thank you God for this day. And I am so thankful for all these new days and all of your encouragement.

And for everyone watching, we did want to say if you think you have a problem with alcohol or if you know somebody who does, you can go to our website at abcnews.com and get all the resources for help. And I want to remind everyone that your book is in the stores next Tuesday and it is called Between Breaths. And along the way, you told me that in this journey, it meant so much to you to get voicemail messages from your friends.

We want you to know we have a few new ones for you tonight. That is so nice, and they did mean so much to me. So send messages of support to the people in your life as well. Please do. We'll be there reading them, and we say goodnight.

I'm so proud of you. That took a lot of courage. You should be proud. You rise. We are rooting for you every single day.

I've always been behind you and in front of you 100%. Love you. I love you.

Thank you so much for what you're doing. And we know how much those boys love their mom. We love you too.

Eddie Murphy and Stranger Things'Caden Matarazzo. New Kimmel tonight on ABC.

Transcript for:Elizabeth Vargas' Alcoholism Journey and Recovery

Transcript for:
Elizabeth Vargas' Alcoholism Journey and Recovery