Jefferson Fisher Podcast Notes

Introduction

• Jefferson Fisher podcast focuses on improving communication.
• Encouragement to follow, review, and engage with the podcast.
• Jefferson's book, "The Next Conversation," is available.
• Jefferson Fisher School of Communication offers live classes and resources.

Special Guest: Chris Voss

• Chris Voss: Former FBI negotiator, author of "Never Split the Difference," CEO of Black Swan Network.
• Focus on negotiation skills applicable in all areas of life.

Key Concepts from Chris Voss

Negotiation and Communication

• Negotiation as a Battle of Arguments: It's often the internal voices overwhelming individuals.
• Fear and the Amygdala: Our fear centers are not always our friends; they can lead to overreactions.
• Intuition vs. Fear: Listen to your gut instead of fear-driven voices.

Power of 'No'

• 'No' as a Starting Point: Saying 'no' makes people feel safe and more open to dialogue.
• Children and the Word 'No': Instinctive use of 'no' as a protective mechanism.
• Flipping Questions: Convert questions to get a 'no' instead of 'yes' to make people feel safer and open.
• Example: "Is now a bad time to talk?" instead of "Do you have a minute to talk?"
• Avoidance of Yes-Momentum: People conditioned to be wary of 'yes' traps.

Accusation Audit

• Audit negative thoughts the other party might have.
• Lay out possible accusations upfront to diffuse them.
• Deactivate negatives or inoculate from potential negatives.

Magic Phrases

• "Sounds like you have a reason for saying that": Encourages sharing reasoning without feeling judged.
• Labeling: Verbally observing emotions or dynamics with phrases like "it seems like," "it sounds like."

Handling Passive-Aggressiveness

• Consider whether to engage with passive-aggressive individuals long term.
• Use labeling to handle passive-aggressive behavior effectively.

Tone and Voice

• Late Night DJ Voice: Slowing and lowering voice tone helps in making connections.
• Tone should resonate and not feel rushed or forced.

Chris Voss's Advice

• Avoid having something to prove in conversations; it can drive people away.
• Winning minor arguments can obscure larger losses.

Personal Takeaways

• Use of negative phrasing is powerful in creating comfortable conversations.
• Accusation audits and labeling can significantly improve communication.
• Tone of voice plays a crucial role in perception and connection.

Conclusion

• Jefferson appreciates Chris Voss's work and its impact on communication and negotiation.
• Encouragement for listeners to apply these techniques in personal and professional life.