Even when I was little, when I first thought that there was something different about me, I was listening to these shoulder angels and I literally thought like there was like an angel and a devil like on my shoulder like in the cartoons and that they were just helping me like decide regular things about my life. And honestly, I thought everybody thought that way. I thought everybody had these like voices in their head that were like, oh, do this.
No, do this. And, you know, finally I started to tell somebody about it and they were like, not everybody thinks like that. How many personalities do you have?
I think I have 12 and yeah, I think I have 12. Welcome to SBSK. Join me as I travel around the world and interview individuals living with a condition to prove no matter how you communicate or what obstacles you face, you're always deserving of love and acceptance. So without hesitation, let's meet today's friend.
See I have so many questions. I know a lot of people do it's okay. With all of these personalities are they you? Are they not you?
They're all me. They're all me. Okay.
So they were all broken off as a segment of my own personality So they're all creating one big personality. How hard How hard are you trying right now just to cope and have this typical conversation? Hard.
Um, I mean there's definitely like at least six of the people can't be quiet right now and they just want to be like, oh, you know, say this, say this. You know, we want to be heard too. Do you consider yourself a singular or a plural?
Um. I talk in a plural a lot, like when I'm in therapy I do talk in a plural, but when I'm with other people I try to talk singular, but if I was honest, probably like a plural, because there's definitely a lot of different voices that I consider. you know equally valid. When you first explain that to somebody what do you hope goes through their mind?
I hope just that they don't think of me as too different than themselves you know everybody has their own way that their mind works and mine is just very interesting. Do you see the DID as part of Lauren's personality or a separate part of her that's not really connected to her? Um, I think it's just a backpack full of rocks that she's carrying around, you know? Like it's still Lauren but it's just she's got all these these rocks in her backpack and it's just weighing her down and it's just kind of hard for her to walk sometimes and you know most of the time that's actually making her stronger. It just means that I'm listening.
to more people in my head and more internal dialogues than a normal person would have to listen to. I think one of the misconceptions is that people who have different personalities might be violent sometimes. Right, yeah, and that's definitely something that is a worry, that can be a worry, but the reason that we go and get our therapy and get the things that we do is so that doesn't happen, and we're working really hard to be people of society that would never hurt anybody. I know who she is. either way.
So if she's acting like someone she's not, then I still know she's really in there. And you just gotta, like if she's having a panic attack or something, just like scratch her back, give a sing to her a little bit, and she gets out of it. Would it bother you if I was thinking, I wonder what she's thinking?
Yeah. Does that bother you? It doesn't really bother me. I actually like when people ask what I'm thinking, you know, it's when people take an interest in the fact that there are voices in my head, it doesn't bother me at all, you know? It really is it just feels like someone's taking an interest in in what my life is, you know And it's it's more it's it just means something that people would even care to ask Do you know the 12 fragments of her personality?
Um, I she describes very different versions to me And you know, he knows the one there's one that sounds a little bit like Schmeagle like from them Yeah, one of the wings and so I tell him about that one a lot is that one kind of like Is like the bad one and tells me like pulls my anxiety a little bit Where's that line between this voice is being a pest and this race is a part of me, right? So, you know, I still have to accept that it's a part of me But when somebody is trying to cause havoc to the rest of the system I've got it kind of set that person down and give them a timeout, you know I'll be like you can't help right now because you're not being helpful and the system is you right? Yeah, the system is me That's what I call like all of my voices a lot of the time is my system um, and that's kind of of what my therapist has taught me to call it is just like these are the system of voices that all make up your inner dialogue so my inner dialogue just is fragmented into different sections and i just hear it in different ways do the different fragments have different voices yes um some of them sound very different and some of them sound a little bit similar um a couple of them sound like my regular dialogue um but like one of them sounds like smiegel from lord of the rings and um it only Sounds like that right it's like I call that one the monster voice because the monster voice changes like say I watch another movie and like I'm Here another voice then that one can kind of take on that voice and to do things like this like to decide to do an interview Like this that's gonna make me nervous kind of everybody has to vote Yes, so definitely like in situations like this that I want to be in that I chose to be in everybody's there everybody's present you know nobody's mad about it everybody is trying to help the system explain the best that we can so why do you think all of these different would it be correct to say aspects of your personality why do why did all these aspects of your personality agree to do this i think because they all want other people to understand that we're not that different you know and that disorders and diagnosis can come in all different shapes and sizes and that you should recognize that you know in your everyday life and that everybody has a backstory.
My relationships would fail a lot because you know friends, family, and anything because people would be like you're acting different you know you're a different person. That was very frustrating for a very long time because I was still the same person it was just that I was listening to these different segments of myself that are all me but are you know have different experiences and different memories. I was never, I don't know, I was never like, like mad at her about it.
I was just kind of, uh, didn't understand, you know? And when you don't understand and you're scared because someone else is going through something, it's kind of, I don't know, it's in a way, it's frightening for you too, but you just have to realize that she's the one who needs help now. That's nerve wrecking to, to tell somebody that you love because they can have a different opinion you know and you want them to believe with you you want them to be on your on your side and he totally was you know he totally was like this is this is what you have and I'm glad that you figured it out but it was it was nerve-racking to tell him at first it's nerve-racking to admit when she learned that about herself I could I could tell that she was anxious and stuff and she didn't want to really come out and tell me first off she kind of was dealing with that herself and I saw that but at the same time she came out and she told me it really wasn't like a oh my god it's hard to finally admit it's hard to finally admit that you know what's wrong with you and that you believe that diagnosis you know especially with mental illness is that you know this is what i have and i believe that too and that's a lot that's a big step and you know telling him was really the like final defining step you know that like okay i've accepted it this is what i have if someone wants to form a friendship with you what do you recommend they do um just understand that there are different parts of me, but they're all me and I'll be, you know, I'll be the same person that you see a lot of different times, but I have a lot of different moods.
So you've told me that you have these different fragments, different voices. Could I call it that? So as I'm talking to you, is there anything, any way I should talk to you differently? Is there anything I should do different? Um, no, the best thing is that you're just comfortable talking to me and that the more that you, you know, you're not um putting your prejudices or anything like on another person is that's when people start to get anxious is that they start to feel like you're judging them based on maybe your other perceptions of different people with the same thing because everybody's a little bit different you know and so you just have to understand that you don't know what they're going through you know you have no idea what's going on in their head and you shouldn't be cautious or anything of what you're saying because those people want to be normal you know like we want to be treated as normal.
How would you explain the psychology of why this happened to your personality? Um, basically when I was younger, probably between first and second grade, something traumatic happened to me. Or something, a major point of invalidation or a traumatic event, something that I can't remember that happened and blocked out my memory and created a new fragment. And that was the first time that I created a new fragment.
And then, from then on... to survive in different situations, I just created a new fragment because that was my way of survival. Seeking help with a therapist is not the end of the world.
Do you know, like a therapist can really be somebody that's reliable and your friend and there for you and your advocate. And it's really not, you know, it's not as big of a deal as you think it would be. And if a therapy is gonna help you, I would go to therapy. Are the voices ever silent?
Sometimes, sometimes like they're taking a nap. of it feels like. And you know like sometimes they like take a little break but there's never a point where they're all silent. Thank you for watching.
Make sure to like this video, subscribe to our channel, and turn on notifications to help SBSK grow and show the world that we all deserve acceptance and a little bit of understanding. See you next time. Do the voices ever chime in when you don't want them to? Yes. Um a lot of the times they can't control like my voice like they can't chime in through my voice but they can chime in in my head if it gets really bad sometimes I'll like outburst random like things that seem like random outbursts but it's somebody else like saying it in my head um that doesn't happen that often but it can happen to other people that have this a lot more just because it all depends on how much of in control you are and how your system works